Jack Benny Show 1943-11-21-Jack Dreams He's A Turkey

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Jack Benny Show 1943-11-21 – "Jack Dreams He's A Turkey"
Date: November 4, 2025
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio

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Overview

This episode features an original 1943 broadcast of the Jack Benny Program, one of the Golden Age’s most beloved comedy radio shows. In this Thanksgiving-themed episode, Jack Benny finds himself wrestling with the emotional, practical, and absurd realities of preparing a Thanksgiving dinner, culminating in a surreal dream where he becomes the turkey himself. The show masterfully combines the humor, social context, and sharp character interplay that defined Depression- and wartime-era American radio entertainment.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Segments

1. Thanksgiving Planning and Turkey Shopping

[02:32–11:12]

• Jack’s Guest List Grows:

  • Jack attempts to calculate how much turkey he needs for his dinner, humorously forgetting key guests, including Don Wilson.
  • Quote:

    "Didn't you invite Don Wilson?"
    "Oh. Oh, yes. Got enough for 15? Is that. That'll do it."
    — Mary Livingston & Jack Benny (03:06)

• Price and Size Anxiety:

  • Jack balks at the rising cost per pound and the size of turkeys, while Mary and the butcher poke fun at his thriftiness.
  • Quote:

    "That's a pretty big turkey, and I don't want any left over. How. How about that one over there?"
    "That's a pigeon."
    — Jack Benny & Mary Livingston (03:56–03:58)

• Comedic Interactions at the Butcher’s:

  • The butcher shop sequence introduces Mrs. Greenberg and her tales of massive 86-pound turkeys, with Jack and Mary betting on whether Jack will pick a “turkey or a pigeon.”
  • Quote:

    "86 pounds."
    "Yes, and on the other side of the card, it said, you will meet a tall, dark man. £86."
    — Mrs. Greenberg & Jack Benny (05:59–06:11)

• Scarcity, Wartime Humor:

  • References to wartime rationing and food regulations are woven in, including a ‘40-cent tour’ of the butcher’s refrigerator as a parody of food scarcity.
  • Quote:

    "Come on, come on. Hurry, hurry, hurry. On this outstanding excursion, you will see rib steaks, rump steaks... The seven wonders of the world."
    — Rochester (08:07–08:25)

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2. At Home: The Turkey as a Character

[11:06–15:22]

• Perspectives on Eating Animals:

  • Jack expresses comical guilt about killing the turkey, waxing sentimental about its life, while Mary and Rochester challenge his sincerity.
  • Quote:

    "Gee, Mary, look at those turkeys laying there so cold and still. Just think, a few days ago they were happy, carefree and gay. And now... now they're 55 cents a pound."
    — Jack Benny (04:29)

  • Quote:

    "Oh, Jack, don't be a hypocrite."
    — Mary Livingston (14:38)

• Rochester’s Quips:

  • Rochester’s wisecracks throughout provide counterbalance and comedic timing.
  • Quote:

    "That's the first time I ever had white meat with Firestone written on it."
    — Rochester (15:13)

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3. The Dennis Day Subplot: Salary Raise Request

[17:04–19:57]

• Dennis Day Nervously Confronts Jack:

  • Dennis stumbles through a comic attempt to request a pay raise, egged on by his mother and flustered by Jack’s attitude.
  • Quote:

    "You've been giving me the same salary for three years and every year you promise me a raise. My mother thinks I ought to get one. And I do, too. So there."
    — Dennis Day (17:31)

• Comedic Escape:

  • Dennis, confused, hides in the closet instead of leaving, cementing his character’s innocence.
  • Quote:

    "Where’d he go?"
    "He thought he ran outside, but he went into the closet."
    — Jack Benny & Mary Livingston (17:48–17:49)

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4. Musical Interlude: Wartime Song

[19:14–21:20]

• Patriotic Pause:
  • Dennis Day performs "Say a Prayer for the Boys Over There," a wartime ballad encouraging listeners to remember and support American troops.

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5. Jack’s Surreal Dream: “Jack Dreams He’s a Turkey”

[24:32–29:32]

• The Nightmare Sequence:

  • Jack dreams he is the Thanksgiving turkey, facing confusion and peril from his friends and household.
  • The world morphs into a surreal place where everyone addresses him as a turkey, including Rochester, Mary, and the butcher.
  • Quote:

    "Hello, my fine feathered friend. Say, you're nice and plump, aren't you? ... Who, me? Yes, you. You're going to make somebody happy on Thanksgiving."
    — Jack Benny (25:23–25:35)

  • Quote:

    "Rochester, put down that knife and fork."
    — Jack Benny (26:14)

  • Quote:

    "You're a turkey. You're a turkey. Who's a turkey? You're a turkey."
    — Jack, Rochester, and others (27:35–27:39)

• Desperate to Prove His Identity:

  • Jack pleads with his friends to acknowledge that he is not a turkey, but even Mr. Billingsley can’t help.
  • Quote:

    "Tell me, am I a turkey or Jack Benny?"
    "You haven't left yourself much."
    — Jack Benny & Mr. Billingsley (28:14–28:18)

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6. Wake-Up & Epilogue

[29:06–31:06]

• Jack Awakens:

  • Rochester wakes Jack from his nightmare; feather fluff everywhere is revealed to be from Jack’s pillow.
  • Quote:

    "Boss, your feathers are all over the floor."
    — Rochester (29:23)

• Back to Reality & a Final Grape Nuts Reminder:

  • The show closes with a “Grape Nuts” breakfast pitch—which, in the context of the era, doubles as a final joke about turkeys and sustenance.
  • Quote:

    "Eat a good breakfast, you'll do a better job. And for a rousing breakfast treatment, make a delicious, nutritious Grape Nuts Flakes."
    — Don Wilson (30:58–31:06)

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Notable Quotes by Segment

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|------------------|-------| | 03:06 | Mary & Jack | "Didn't you invite Don Wilson?" "Oh. Oh, yes. Got enough for 15? Is that. That'll do it." | | 05:59 | Mrs. Greenberg | "86 pounds." | | 08:07 | Rochester | "Come on, come on. Hurry, hurry, hurry. On this outstanding excursion, you will see rib steaks, rump steaks... The seven wonders of the world." | | 14:38 | Mary Livingston | "Oh, Jack, don't be a hypocrite." | | 15:13 | Rochester | "That's the first time I ever had white meat with Firestone written on it." | | 17:31 | Dennis Day | "You've been giving me the same salary for three years and every year you promise me a raise. My mother thinks I ought to get one. And I do, too. So there." | | 25:23 | Jack Benny | "Hello, my fine feathered friend. Say, you're nice and plump, aren't you? ... Who, me? Yes, you. You're going to make somebody happy on Thanksgiving." | | 27:35 | Jack & Rochester | "You're a turkey. You're a turkey. Who's a turkey? You're a turkey." | | 28:14 | Jack & Billingsley| "Tell me, am I a turkey or Jack Benny?" "You haven't left yourself much." | | 30:58 | Don Wilson | "Eat a good breakfast, you'll do a better job..." |

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Highlights and Tone

• Classic Comedic Banter: Fast, punchy exchanges, puns, and running gags about Jack's miserliness, Dennis' youthful innocence, and Rochester's witty observations.
• Social and Wartime Context: Jokes about rationing, food scarcity, and a musical tribute to soldiers underscore the episode’s 1943 origins.
• The surreal, dreamlike finale: Jack’s anxiety about the turkey becomes a literal nightmare, blending physical comedy (the feathers/pillow bit) with absurdist humor.

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In short:
This episode is a pitch-perfect blend of 1940s radio humor, wartime consciousness, and holiday stress, resulting in a classic comedy of errors where the host almost becomes the dinner. The wit and chemistry of Jack Benny and his cast, plus razor-sharp social commentary, make for an entertaining and reflective Thanksgiving treat.

Transcript

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[Don Wilson]

The Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes program starring Jack Benny. With Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day Rochester and yours truly, Don Wilson. For over 40 years, the favorite that spells Grape Nuts. Yes, sir. Back in the days when Sweet Rosie o' Grady was a favorite at the family harmonium, delicious, moldy, rich Grape Nuts were a favorite at the family breakfast table. And they still are. And there's a reason Grape Nuts have a distinctive sweet as a nut flavor that makes for real eating fun in the morning. A flavor that's a luscious two grain blend of sun ripened wheat and malted barley. And today, you can enjoy that one delicious flavor in two delicious forms. Grape Nuts. Crisp, crunchy kernels and Grape Nuts Flakes. Delicate, toasty brown flakes. And both Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes bring you essential whole grain nourishment, which makes them basic seven foods. One type of food Uncle Sam wants you to eat more of because they're nourishing, plentiful, not rationed. So treat your family to moldy, rich Grape Nuts or Grape Nut Flakes in the morning every morning. It's a mighty swell way to start off. Ladies and gentlemen, it's four days before Thanksgiving. And this year, as every year, Jack Benny will entertain his friends. Friends on the holiday. So yesterday, Jack and Mary went shopping and we picked them up now in a local market.

[Rochester]

Well, folks, what'll it be?

[Jack Benny]

I. I'm giving a Thanksgiving dinner and I'd like enough turkey for. Let's see, there's me, Mary, Phil, Alice, Dennis, Mr. Billingsley, Mark Hellinger, the Warner brothers, and my laundry man. I'd. I'd like enough turkey for nine.

[Mary Livingston]

Jack, didn't you invite Don Wilson?

[Jack Benny]

Oh. Oh, yes. Got enough for 15? Is that. That'll do it.

[Mary Livingston]

Oh, Jack, Don doesn't eat so much.

[Jack Benny]

He doesn't, eh? Remember last time I threw a big party?

[Mary Livingston]

Yeah.

[Jack Benny]

Well, Don ate more than he chipped in for. Don't tell me.

[Rochester]

Look, folks, there are other people waiting, so let's get on with the transaction.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, yes, yes, of course. Now, here's a nice turkey, all dressed and everything 55 cents. Well, I fully expected to pay that much.

[Rochester]

A pound.

[Jack Benny]

Yes, a pound. Hmm. That's right.

[Rochester]

And this turkey weighs 21 pounds.

[Jack Benny]

Hmm. And you'll need at least 21 pounds to feed 15 people. 55 cents a pound. That's a pretty big turkey, and I don't want any left over. How. How about that one over there?

[Mary Livingston]

That's a pigeon.

[Jack Benny]

Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Well, then I'll. I'll take that other one. That live one right there. I'm sorry.

[Rochester]

I'm not selling my canary.

[Jack Benny]

A canary? Well, anyway, that wouldn't be enough for 15 people, would it? Not unless you just wanted to entertain.

[Mary Livingston]

He's got his violin for that.

[Jack Benny]

Yeah. Gee, Mary, look at those turkeys laying there so cold and still. Just think, a few days ago they were happy, carefree and gay. And now. Now they're 55 cents a pound. I mean, now they're. They're dead. Say, Butcher, how old were these turkeys when they were killed? Oh, about eight months. Didn't even have a chance to know life. I feel terrible.

[Mary Livingston]

You'd feel a lot worse if they were 70 cents a pound.

[Jack Benny]

I suppose so. But, Mary, when I see that turkey laying there like that, I can't help but think of its mother. How lonesome she must be. Don't worry, bud. That's her right next to him. Oh, I wish you'd hurry, mister.

[Rochester]

I got all these people waiting. Pardon me. Oh, Tommy, would you please giving me a little cyst. Oh, it's Mrs. Greenberg.

[Jack Benny]

What can I do for you, Suzette? Go ahead, Butcher. You can wait on her. I'm trying to make up my mind. Between these two turkeys, I'll lay eight.

[Mary Livingston]

To five on the pigeon.

[Jack Benny]

Never mind.

[Rochester]

Tell me, Tommy, how much weighs by you?

[Mary Livingston]

The turkeys?

[Jack Benny]

They weigh from 18 to 22 pounds.

[Rochester]

22 pounds? You call this a turkey?

[Jack Benny]

Well, that's the average size.

[Rochester]

Listen, Tommy, last Thanksgiving I had a turkey that weighed eight to six pounds. I weighed them on shell.

[Jack Benny]

86 pounds.

[Rochester]

Yes, and on the other side of the card, it said, you will meet a tall, dark man. £86.

[Jack Benny]

My, that must have been a humdinger.

[Rochester]

I'm not talking to you.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, pardon me, Mrs. Greenberg, how about taking two of these turkeys?

[Mary Livingston]

How much are they?

[Jack Benny]

55 cents a pound.

[Rochester]

I'm not asking you.

[Jack Benny]

Oh. Oh, excuse me.

[Rochester]

All right, Tommy, give me this one here and I'll pick it up later. Goodbye. Goodbye, Mrs. Greenberg.

[Jack Benny]

Goodbye.

[Dennis Day]

All right.

[Rochester]

Goodbye, social climber. What?

[Don Wilson]

What?

[Jack Benny]

What's she mad at?

[Mary Livingston]

Well, Jack, I guess that'll teach you to mind your own.

[Jack Benny]

I'm not. I'm not talking to you. Say, butcher. Butcher. I've been thinking it over. Instead of taking one of these dress turkeys, I'll buy a live one. How much is it?

[Rochester]

$8.

[Jack Benny]

Are you going to take it with you? Yes. That'll be 20 cents extra for the leash. Oh, I often wondered how they got them home. Now, let's see, what else do I want? Oh, yes, for dinner tonight. Say, butcher, have you got a nice, thick, juicy T bone steak?

[Don Wilson]

What was that?

[Jack Benny]

I said a nice T bone steak. Well, who's next? Listen, butcher, you don't have to go into convulsions just because.

[Rochester]

All right, folks, get your tickets here for the 40 cent tour through the refrigerator. Come on, come on. Hurry, hurry, hurry.

[Jack Benny]

40 cent tour through the refrigerator? Yes, sir.

[Rochester]

It used to be 45, but the OPA put a ceiling on it.

[Jack Benny]

Very funny.

[Rochester]

Oh, thank you, sir. Now hurry, hurry, hurry. On this outstanding excursion, you will see rib steaks, rump steaks, hipsteaks, T bone, sirloin, tenderloin and porterhouse. The seven wonders of the world.

[Mary Livingston]

Come on, Jack, let's take the tour.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, don't be silly, Mary. You've seen steaks before. I showed you some last night when you came over to my house.

[Mary Livingston]

Oh, you and your etchings.

[Jack Benny]

They weren't etchings.

[Rochester]

All right, folks, all of you going on this tour, please form a line to the left.

[Jack Benny]

Call.

[Mary Livingston]

Come on, Jack, be a sport. Buy two tickets.

[Jack Benny]

All right, all right.

[Rochester]

Okay, folks, line up in front of this refrigerator door now.

[Jack Benny]

Quiet, everybody. Yeah, who is it?

[Rochester]

It's okay, Joe, you can open.

[Mary Livingston]

Gosh, it's chilly in this refrigerator.

[Jack Benny]

Yeah, it sure is.

[Rochester]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, if you will look to the right, you will see one of our feature attractions. None other than a seven rib roast.

[Jack Benny]

Wow.

[Dennis Day]

Oh.

[Don Wilson]

See?

[Jack Benny]

Marriott. It is beautiful. I wonder if I could just.

[Rochester]

Don't linger with your finger.

[Jack Benny]

I just wanted to see if it was tender.

[Rochester]

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, are seven rib roasts not five, not six, but seven. I'll count them for you. 1, 2, 3, 4.

[Jack Benny]

Pot.

[Rochester]

1, 2, 3, four. Uh. Oh. Hey, Joe, lock the doors.

[Jack Benny]

Okay.

[Rochester]

Hey, Eddie, both the windows.

[Jack Benny]

Okay.

[Rochester]

Hey, Tom, sound the alarm. Okay.

[Dennis Day]

Hey, sir.

[Rochester]

All right, stop with that. Nobody stole anything.

[Jack Benny]

Come on, Mary, let's pick up our turkey and go home.

[Rochester]

Sam.

[Jack Benny]

Well, we're almost home, Mary.

[Mary Livingston]

Yeah.

[Jack Benny]

Isn't she cute? Say, Mary, you think it's all right to take the turkey in the house?

[Mary Livingston]

Why not? She's going to be your guest for Thanksgiving.

[Jack Benny]

What?

[Mary Livingston]

She can sit between the cranberry sauce and the mashed potatoes.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, stop.

[Mary Livingston]

Look, Jack, here comes your crazy boarder. Mr. Billingsley.

[Jack Benny]

Mary, he's not crazy. He's just a little eccentric, that's all. Now, be nice to him, as rents do tomorrow. Hello, Mr. Billingsley. Hello, folks. Out for a stroll, I see. Well, we're. We're not exactly taking a stroll.

[Rochester]

Why, Mr. Penny, I didn't know you.

[Jack Benny]

Had a little one.

[Mary Livingston]

Mr. Benny's little one happens to be a turkey.

[Jack Benny]

You may be surprised, but I'm not. Look, Mr. Billingsley, I'm trying to tell you that we bought this at a store. Oh, come now, Mr. Benny. I'm old enough.

[Rochester]

Oh, brother.

[Jack Benny]

Look, look, Mr. Billingsby, we're in a hurry.

[Rochester]

So am I. I have to go.

[Jack Benny]

To the barber shop. Or was I there? Isn't that funny? I don't know whether I'm coming or going. Well, you can say that again.

[Rochester]

Oh, can I?

[Jack Benny]

All right. I don't know whether I'm coming or not. Hmm. Well, I must run along now. Goodbye, Mr. Benny. Goodbye.

[Rochester]

I believe you.

[Jack Benny]

Would you ra.

[Dennis Day]

Well.

[Jack Benny]

Well, that I know isn't in there. Well. Well, let's. Let's go, Mary.

[Mary Livingston]

You know, Jack, I don't see how you can stand having a guy like that around the house.

[Jack Benny]

Mr. Billingsley. Oh, he's all right. He gets his own meals, makes his own bed. And every morning he gets up at 6 o' clock and takes my dog for a walk.

[Mary Livingston]

But, Jack, you haven't got a dog.

[Jack Benny]

For heaven's sake, don't tell Billingsley. It'll break his heart. Well, here we are. Come on, Mary. We'll put the turkey in the kitchen. Oh, hello, Rochester.

[Rochester]

Hello, boss. Hello, Ms. Livingston.

[Jack Benny]

Well, and ho you. Now, let's see. Where can we put the turkey?

[Rochester]

Rochester, what are you doing to that turkey? I'm only petting her, boss.

[Jack Benny]

Petner, you got your fingers around her neck.

[Rochester]

What are you worried about?

[Jack Benny]

I ain't hurting the part. You get the way. The way some people treat turkeys. Come here, you poor thing. There, there, see? See how she looks at me with those trusting eyes? See? How can anyone kill it?

[Mary Livingston]

Oh, Jack, don't be a hypocrite.

[Jack Benny]

I'm not a hypocrite. I just can't bear the thought of anyone killing a poor, defenseless turkey.

[Mary Livingston]

Go on. Last year you killed one yourself.

[Jack Benny]

Mary, I ran over that turkey with my car. It was an accident.

[Mary Livingston]

Accident? He turned off the road and chased her halfway up a mountain. Oh, if she hadn't stopped to lay an egg, she'd have lived to hatch it.

[Jack Benny]

What are you talking about?

[Rochester]

You're right, Ms. Livingston. Then he put the car in reverse and got two more birds.

[Jack Benny]

What?

[Rochester]

I don't know. I was a tail gunner.

[Jack Benny]

Rochester.

[Rochester]

That's the first time I ever had white meat with Firestone written on it.

[Jack Benny]

Now cut that out.

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[Jack Benny]

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[Jack Benny]

Let's drop the whole thing. I'll get a ratchet or somebody at the door. You go out and feed the turkey. Oh, Hello, Dennis.

[Rochester]

Hello, Mr. Benny.

[Jack Benny]

What are you doing around? This way, kid.

[Rochester]

I came to see you about something important.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, yes? What is it?

[Rochester]

Well. Well, it's about me.

[Jack Benny]

All right, Dennis. All right. What is it?

[Rochester]

Well.

[Jack Benny]

Well, what?

[Rochester]

Well, my mother told me to tell you.

[Jack Benny]

Well, your mother told you to tell me what?

[Rochester]

Well, you've been giving me the same salary for three years, and every year you promise me a raise. My mother thinks I ought to get one. And I do, too. So there. Dennis. Dennis, come back here.

[Jack Benny]

Where'd he go?

[Mary Livingston]

He thought he ran outside, but he went into the closet.

[Jack Benny]

What a kid. Dennis, come here.

[Rochester]

Gee, it's crowded out there.

[Jack Benny]

Those are my suits. Now, Dennis, if you want a raise in salary, don't act so flustered. Just ask me like a man. What are you afraid of? Just come over to me and say, Mr. Benny, I'd like a raise in salary.

[Rochester]

Well, Dennis, I'd like to give you.

[Jack Benny]

A raise, kid, but right now I can't afford.

[Dennis Day]

Huh?

[Jack Benny]

I'm sorry. Things are a little tough now, but Fuck up, kid.

[Rochester]

Stick to me and you'll go places.

[Mary Livingston]

Dennis.

[Rochester]

Dennis.

[Mary Livingston]

Where'd you learn that?

[Jack Benny]

Mr. Benny put it on a record and sent it to me for my birthday. Dennis, we'll talk about your salary right after Thanksgiving.

[Rochester]

It wasn't even my birthday.

[Jack Benny]

Never mind. By the way, kid, what are you going to sing on the program tomorrow? Say a Prayer for the boys over There. Well, let me hear it. See? Maybe I ought to give them a raise. It costs money to make those records, you know.

[Dennis Day]

Say a prayer for the boys over there when they play the Star Spangled Banner Picture them by the dawn's early.

[Jack Benny]

Light.

[Dennis Day]

And ask the Lord to watch over them each night your eyes as you silently rise when they play the Star Spangled Banner As a song of freedom fills the air say our pray.

[Jack Benny]

Over.

[Dennis Day]

There over there over there say a prayer for the boys over there over there over there say a prayer for the boys over there Lift your eyes as you silently rise when they play the Star Spangled Banner As a song of freedom fills the air.

[Rochester]

Pray.

[Dennis Day]

Our prayers Dennis, that song as swell.

[Jack Benny]

Run over it once more before the broadcast tomorrow.

[Rochester]

Okay. But what shall I tell my mother.

[Jack Benny]

About my raise and salary?

[Mary Livingston]

Just tell her you asked. She'll know the rest.

[Jack Benny]

Dennis, tell your mother we'll talk about it later. Okay.

[Rochester]

Goodbye, Ms. Livingston.

[Mary Livingston]

Goodbye, Dennis.

[Jack Benny]

Goodbye, kid. Dennis, that's the closet. Oh, here's the front door. There. See?

[Rochester]

Mr. Vinnie, no wonder you're the star.

[Jack Benny]

Yes, Dennis, I've been a big hit for years. Just opening doors. Goodbye, kid. I wonder when he'll grow up.

[Mary Livingston]

Well, Jack, I think I'll go home, too. I have to clean up the house.

[Jack Benny]

Clean up your house? You've got a maid.

[Mary Livingston]

I know, but I don't want to lose her.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, yes. Good night, Mary.

[Mary Livingston]

Good night.

[Jack Benny]

All right. Chester.

[Rochester]

Yes, sir.

[Jack Benny]

I'm ready to go upstairs to bed.

[Rochester]

I'm tired, boys. Would you mind warming up tonight?

[Jack Benny]

Okay, but don't let it happen too often. Rochester, what did you do with the turkey? Did you put her where she won't be cold? Yes, sir, it was good.

[Rochester]

I put her in the oven.

[Jack Benny]

The oven? What'd you put her there for?

[Rochester]

I don't want her to get stage fried on Thanksgiving.

[Jack Benny]

Well, take her out of there and put her on the back porch. Okay. Bad enough that we have to kill her in a few days. The least we can do is see that she's comfortable. Yeah, I hate to think of killing that poor old turkey.

[Dennis Day]

Oh, boy, am I tired.

[Jack Benny]

I am so tired I can't even hang up my clothes. Oh, well, I'm not so fat.

[Dennis Day]

Oh, it'll feel good to.

[Jack Benny]

To get these shoes off. Oh, darn it.

[Don Wilson]

I always forget again.

[Jack Benny]

Thanksgiving's here again. Years roll on for everybody but the turkey.

[Rochester]

Sam.

[Jack Benny]

Hello. Hello, my fine feathered friend. Say, you're nice and plump, aren't you? Who, me? Yes, you. You're going to make somebody happy on Thanksgiving. What?

[Rochester]

And you'll bring me a nice price on the market. 55 cents a pound.

[Jack Benny]

What am I doing here in this couple?

[Rochester]

I'm not a turkey.

[Jack Benny]

I gotta get out of here. Let me out of here.

[Rochester]

Let me out of this coupe.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, I'm not in a coop. I'm in my own house. Oh, Rochester.

[Rochester]

Rochester, what are you doing here?

[Jack Benny]

Turkey?

[Rochester]

I thought I put you out on the back porch.

[Jack Benny]

Turkey. Rochester, I'm not a turkey. And stop staring at me like that.

[Rochester]

Come here, turkey.

[Jack Benny]

Come over here to me. Rochester, put down that knife and fork.

[Rochester]

Is that a napkin you're wearing? You're in a sarong.

[Jack Benny]

Rochester, what's the matter with you?

[Rochester]

Say, butcher.

[Jack Benny]

Hello, Suzanne.

[Rochester]

How much weighs by your. This turkey?

[Jack Benny]

Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble.

[Rochester]

I'm not talking to you.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, oh, pardon me.

[Rochester]

All right, folks, get your tickets here for the 40 cent tour through the gravy bowl. Come on, come on. Hurry, hurry, hurry.

[Mary Livingston]

Come on, Jack, let's go. Two tickets, please.

[Rochester]

You only need one.

[Jack Benny]

Lady.

[Rochester]

Turkey's getting free.

[Jack Benny]

Now, wait a minute. This is going far enough.

[Rochester]

I'm not a turkey. I'll prove I'm not. Mrs. Greenberg, I'm not talking to you.

[Jack Benny]

Butcher.

[Rochester]

Butcher. You know I'm not a turkey, don't you? What's the matter with you people? Mary, tell him I'm not a turkey.

[Jack Benny]

Tell him.

[Rochester]

For cranberry sauce.

[Jack Benny]

Tell him.

[Mary Livingston]

Of course you're not a turkey. What's the matter with you people? Look at his webbed feet.

[Rochester]

Well, I've had enough I'm getting out of here.

[Jack Benny]

You're a turkey. You're a turkey. You're a turkey. Who's a turkey? You're a turkey.

[Rochester]

You're a turkey.

[Jack Benny]

You're a turkey. I'm a turkey. Bravo, Salta. Bravo, Salta. Brah. Brah.

[Rochester]

Train leaving on track 12 for Morocco, Tunisia, Egypt, Arabia.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, boy. I'm going to get on that train, get away from all of this and.

[Rochester]

Turkey. What?

[Jack Benny]

Well, that did it. I'm gonna prove once and for all who I am. Hello, Mr. Benny. You're a little unhappy, I see, Mr. Billingsley. Mr. Billingsley.

[Rochester]

Yes.

[Jack Benny]

Tell me, am I a turkey or Jack Benny?

[Rochester]

You haven't left yourself much.

[Jack Benny]

Ch. This is the end. I'm not taking any more from anybody. The next one that tells me I'm.

[Rochester]

A turkey is going to get a.

[Jack Benny]

Punch in the mouth.

[Rochester]

That's what I'll do. I'll punch him right in the mouth.

[Don Wilson]

Hello, Jack.

[Rochester]

Never mind that Jack stuff.

[Jack Benny]

I know what you're thinking. Don Wilson. Go ahead and say it. Just say it.

[Don Wilson]

Of course I'll say it.

[Jack Benny]

Rape.

[Don Wilson]

That's lakes are toasty brown. Toasty brown.

[Jack Benny]

Stop stalling, Wilson.

[Rochester]

You know what I mean. Come on, say it.

[Jack Benny]

Toasty brown. Molly. Richard.

[Rochester]

Don't play around with me.

[Jack Benny]

Don Wilson. You came here to tell me one thing. You say it.

[Rochester]

You say it or I'll punch you right in the mouth.

[Don Wilson]

Break that sweat.

[Rochester]

Lighten them up.

[Don Wilson]

Break that sweat.

[Rochester]

Lighten them up.

[Jack Benny]

Rape that sweat.

[Rochester]

Lighten them up. Straighten them out. Now get out.

[Mary Livingston]

Get out of here.

[Jack Benny]

Everybody. Get out. Get out.

[Rochester]

Go away. Go away. Boss, wake up. You've been dreaming. Huh?

[Jack Benny]

Huh, what?

[Rochester]

You've been dreaming.

[Jack Benny]

Yeah. Oh, my goodness, what a dream I had. What a terrible nightmare it must have been.

[Rochester]

Boss, your feathers are all over the floor.

[Jack Benny]

My feathers?

[Rochester]

You tore your pillow apart.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, oh, oh, oh. You meant for a minute there. Well, I'm all right now, Rochester. Nearly time to get up anyway. Almost.

[Rochester]

Say, Mr. Benny, what's all that money doing on the floor?

[Jack Benny]

Oh, that's some change that dropped out of my shoe. So long, Rockhead. Sir. So long. So long, boss. What a man. He's got shoes and jingle, dangle, jingle.

[Rochester]

Well, folks, tonight I'm going to tell.

[Don Wilson]

You a so so story. You know how you meet a guy on a nice shiny morning and sing out, why, hello, Jim. How are you? And he says, oh, so so. Well, there's usually a reason for that let down so so mood. And it goes something like this. So that guy got up that morning on the run. So then he ate breakfast on the sip and run. So no wonder he felt below par lately. You can't do a man sized job on a bird sized breakfast, you know. In fact, doctors and dietitians tell us that we need at least one quarter of our daily nourishment in the morning. So start the day well nourished and for a real treat, feature Toasty brown Grape Nuts Flakes. Because Grape Nuts Flakes are a whole grain cereal crammed full of sustaining energy giving whole grain nourishment. So you couldn't ask for anything better, could you, than Grape Nuts Flakes. Crisp, toasty brown with that sweet as a nut flavor.

[Jack Benny]

Mmm.

[Don Wilson]

Eat a good breakfast, you'll do a better job. And for a rousing breakfast treatment, make a delicious, nutritious Grape Nuts Flakes.

[Jack Benny]

Ladies and gentlemen, I only have a second. I'd like to call your attention to a special USO program which will be broadcast Thanksgiving morning. Program is called Soldiers and Grease Paint will include all of your favorite radio and motion motion picture stars. So please listen. Good night folks. Ladies, your grocer has something new for you. That's the time. Saving money, saving big new economy sized package of hot Grape nut sweet meal. 30 full ounces of this rich hot brown cereal that's extra delicious, extra nutritious and it cooks to perfection. In just three minutes, ask for the big new economy sized package of hot Grape Nut Sweet meal. This program came to you from Hollywood. This is the National Broadcasting Company.

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[Jack Benny]

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