Jack Kirkwood Show 50-11-07 xxx Thurs No Matter How Hungry a Horse May Be, He Shouldn't Bite His Fodder

Summary

Podcast Summary: Jack Kirkwood Show 50-11-07: "No Matter How Hungry a Horse May Be, He Shouldn't Bite His Fodder"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Host/Author: Harolds Old Time Radio
• Episode: Jack Kirkwood Show 50-11-07 xxx Thurs No Matter How Hungry a Horse May Be, He Shouldn't Bite His Fodder
• Release Date: February 15, 2025

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1. Introduction to the Show

The episode opens with Jack Kirkwood welcoming listeners from around the globe via the Armed Forces Radio Service. Jack sets the stage for an engaging evening filled with humor, drama, and heartfelt moments, capturing the essence of the Golden Age of Radio.

2. Poet's Nook

Overview: Jack Kirkwood introduces the segment "Poet's Nook," where he shares a personal monologue reflecting on his desire for companionship and the qualities he seeks in a partner.

Key Points:

• Desire for a Companion: Jack expresses his longing for a wife who embodies both beauty and intelligence. He humorously laments his bachelor status at the age of 85.

  "I've been looking for that kind of gal until I've just turned 85 and I'm a bachelor still." [00:52]

• Qualities in a Partner: He outlines the traits he values, including loyalty, intellect, and the ability to make home life comfortable and affectionate.

  "She can't look at or think of or like other men. She's got to be mine, only mine." [00:58]

Insight: This monologue offers a charming glimpse into Jack's character, blending humor with sincere sentiments about love and companionship.

3. Sadie Black Girl Sandhog: Daily Drama

Overview: The show transitions into a heartwarming daily drama featuring Sadie Black Girl Sandhog, who invites her friend Roger over for dinner. The episode centers around Roger's unexpected lateness and the ensuing comedic tension.

Key Points:

• Dinner Plans: Sadie and her mother, Lil, prepare chicken fricassee for Roger, who arrives an hour late, causing mild frustration.

  "Roger, this is disgraceful. You made mom and me wait for a whole hour." [03:20]

• Roger's Excuse: Roger claims he was delayed talking to an old acquaintance, which Lil finds dubious.

  "I just couldn't." [03:32]

• Humorous Mishaps: Roger accidentally drops a piece of chicken, leading to a funny exchange about cleaning it up.

  "He dropped that nice big piece of chicken on the floor. It's practically the whole breast." [03:41]

Notable Quote: Lil confronts Roger's honesty, highlighting the comedic element of the situation.

"Now, Roger, you're nervous. That shows you're not telling the truth. You'd better tell me where you've been." [03:56]

Insight: This segment showcases classic sitcom-style humor, emphasizing character dynamics and relatable social mishaps.

4. Musical Interlude: "Nobody's Sweetheart" by Kay Starr

Overview: The episode features a musical interlude performed by Kay Starr, delivering her rendition of "Nobody's Sweetheart." The song adds a soothing and melodic break amidst the show's comedic and dramatic elements.

Key Points:

• Emotional Tone: The song conveys themes of unrequited love and longing, complementing the earlier monologue in Poet's Nook.

Notable Lyrics:

"You're nobody's sweetheart now... Pretty lips, painted eyes, wearing a bird of paradise..." [04:47]

Insight: Kay Starr's performance enriches the show's atmosphere, blending seamlessly with the narrative and providing listeners with a nostalgic musical experience.

5. Madhouse Comedy: "No Matter How Hungry a Horse May Be, He Shouldn't Bite His Fodder"

Overview: The core of the episode features the "Madhouse Comedy," a humorous Western-themed play titled "No Matter How Hungry a Horse May Be, He Shouldn't Bite His Fodder." This segment parodies classic Western tropes with witty dialogue and comedic scenarios.

Plot Summary:

• Characters Introduced:

  • Cactus Pete: A charming yet bumbling cowboy visiting Sloppy Sue at the Buzzards Breath Saloon.
  • Sloppy Sue: The proprietress of the saloon, who interacts with Cactus Pete.
  • Polecat: A side character aspiring to be a hero, but often falls short.

• Key Scenes:

  • Cactus Pete's Arrival: Pete arrives late to join Sadie for dinner, leading to humorous exchanges about his tardiness and clumsiness.

    "I'm thinking maybe you could relieve my suffering." [06:55]

  • Comedic Conflict: A bandit attempts to rob the safe, leading to a series of slapstick encounters where Cactus Pete tries unsuccessfully to apprehend him.

    "Let me at him. Order up a fireproof coffin, gal." [09:57]

  • Humorous Resolution: The confrontation ends with Cactus Pete getting hurt, and Sloppy Sue jokingly considering marrying the bandit instead of lynching him.

    "Say, in the light, he's pretty good looking. Reckon I'll marry him instead of lynching him." [12:39]

Notable Quotes:

• Cactus Pete emphasizing his unexpected productivity:

  "I ain't always drinking while. There's been times I lived for days or nothing but food and water." [08:10]

• Sloppy Sue's witty retort about marriage:

  "Reckon I'll marry him instead of lynching him." [12:39]

Insight: This comedic play expertly blends traditional Western elements with modern humor, creating an entertaining and lighthearted narrative that engages listeners through its playful dialogue and situational comedy.

6. Behind the Scenes and Closing Remarks

Overview: Post-play, Jack Kirkwood shares brief anecdotes and engages in light-hearted banter with characters, adding a meta-theatrical layer to the show.

Key Points:

• Production Insights: Mentions of producer J.C. Lewis and sound effects man Thorndyke highlight the collaborative effort behind the scenes.

  "With the same gang... and our producer, J.C. Lewis." [12:00]

• Personal Touch: Jack interacts with the actors, adding authenticity and a personal connection with the audience.

Notable Quote: Jack humorously interrupts with a personal interaction:

"I say, don't forget to meet me in the morning. I have some shopping to do." [12:00]

Closing: Jack Kirkwood wraps up the show by encouraging listeners to take care until the next episode, maintaining the warm and engaging tone characteristic of old-time radio broadcasts.

"Until next time, this is Steve Duncan, Jack Kirkwood, asking you to wait for that call." [End]

Insight: The behind-the-scenes snippets and Jack's personable closing reinforce the sense of community and continual storytelling that defines "Harold's Old Time Radio."

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Conclusion: This episode of "Harold's Old Time Radio" masterfully blends humor, drama, and music to create an immersive listening experience reminiscent of the Golden Age of Radio. Through segments like Poet's Nook, Sadie Black Girl Sandhog's daily drama, Kay Starr's musical interlude, and the comedic Western play, listeners are treated to a rich tapestry of storytelling that entertains and engages. Jack Kirkwood's charismatic hosting ties all elements together, ensuring a seamless and enjoyable broadcast for both longtime fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Jack Kirkwood]

From Paris, France to Paris, Texas, for experiences around every corner. Use your American Express green card and transform everyday purchases into memorable experiences by earning and redeeming membership rewards points. There's no better time to start your next adventure than right now because new card members can earn 40,000 points. From the cab to the plane. Earn three times on travel and on transit with green from AMEX. Explore new places around the corner or around the globe. Learn [e-mail] Explore Green terms apply. Nobody's going to sleep while this show's on. The following program will be heard all over the globe through the worldwide facilities of the Armed Forces Radio Service. It's the Jack Kirkwood Show. Hey, you. Are you listening? And now, lovers of lilting lunacy, will you join us at the Poet's Nook? Greetings, friends. Won't you come in for a kindly thought? I've been wanting a wife but she's got to be mighty doggone pretty to see she's got to be happy with always a smile and maybe a little tear once in a while she's got to be there with a kiss and a hug and the gift of making her home real snug oh, she can scold me as if I were only her son and muss up my hair when the dishes are done but she's got to have brains and a clean, noble heart and she's got to keep saying that I'm plenty smart but no matter what else she's sure got to be a living example of loyalty she can't look at or think of or like other men she's got to be mine, only mine but then I've been looking for that kind of gal Until I've just turned 85 and I'm a bachelor still. And so we leave the Poet's Nook for today. Now for another thrilling episode in our daily drama, the story of Sadie Black Girl Sandhog. Today's episode is a very heartwarming one, for Sadie has invited Roger over for dinner, and they're having chicken fricassee. M. Good. The only trouble is Roger is an hour late. And we must admit that Sadie and her mother are just a wee bit annoyed. But wait, here comes someone right now. Who do you suppose it could be? Oh, I see. Now. It's Roger arriving for dinner. Thought for a minute was a sponsor. Kind of scared me there. Let's hide behind this bread box and listen in, shall we?

[Lil]

Oh, Roger, this is disgraceful. You made mom and me wait for a whole hour. Where have you been?

[Jack Kirkwood]

Oh, I Met a fella I used to know when I was a kid. I had to stand and talk to him. I. I just couldn't.

[Lil]

Roger, I don't think you're telling the truth. Now you tell me where you've been.

[Jack Kirkwood]

Oh, give me some chicken. Here, I'll take this big piece of breast. Oops.

[Lil]

Oh, Roger, you dropped that nice big piece of chicken on the floor. It's practically the whole breast.

[Jack Kirkwood]

Well, I'll take it in the kitchen, wash it off.

[Lil]

Oh, you can't clean it that way.

[Jack Kirkwood]

Sure I can. It'll be so clean you'll never know I dropped it.

[Lil]

Now, Roger, you're nervous. That shows you're not telling the truth. You'd better tell me where you've been.

[Jack Kirkwood]

Oh, keep calm, will ya? I'll just go in and wash this piece of chicken. Will Roger make a clean breast of it? Tune in next week, folks. We don't know. Thank you, Gaylord. That was I get the neck of the chicken. The last two joints, of course, as arranged by maestro Gaylord Carter. And whose book Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Lady Harpus has become a bestseller in all the best sellers in town. And now up steps lovely Kay Starr to delight us with her version of Nobody's Sweetheart.

[Lil]

You're nobody's sweetheart now they don't baby you somehow Fancy hose, silk and gown you're out of place in your own hometown you walk down the avenue and I can't believe that it's you Painted lips, painted eyes wearing a bird of paradise but it all seems wrong somehow there you are nobody, nobody, nobody sweetheart.

[Jack Kirkwood]

Now oh, thank you, Kay. Lovely. Lovely. That. That really put me in a mellow mood. I. I'd like to hear more music like that today. And say, Lil, how about me taking you to dinner tonight and. And we'll go dancing on the roof afterwards.

[Lil]

Oh, I don't mind going to dinner, Jack, but last time you took me dancing on the roof, I almost choked when I caught my neck on the clothesline.

[Jack Kirkwood]

Okay, Lil, no dancing.

[Lil]

Gee, I must be getting popular. Last night Steve took me to dinner, then to the theater and then took me home in a taxi. I didn't know whether I was awake or dreaming.

[Jack Kirkwood]

If Steve paid the check, you were dreaming. But we haven't had time for any dreaming right now. Because it's time for the Madhouse little theater today. The madhouse Comedy, drama and what we've got even DDT won't cure. Players take another slug at the old west with a play called no Matter How Hungry a Horse May be he shouldn't bite his father. As the curtain rises, Cactus Pete is visiting Sloppy sue, proprietor of the Buzzards Breath Saloon. He calls her his light of life in hopes she'll get him lit. Curtain music.

[Lil]

Hey, what's that matter, Cactus?

[Jack Kirkwood]

Oh, nothing, Sue. Just thinking.

[Lil]

Thinking about me?

[Jack Kirkwood]

Well, sort of. I'm thinking maybe you could relieve my suffering. I got a painful attack of yours.

[Lil]

Yeah, what's yours?

[Jack Kirkwood]

Double shot of red eye. Thanks very much.

[Lil]

Oh, no, you don't. Always a hound and me for drinks. How come you never asked me for a kiss?

[Jack Kirkwood]

Jokes, gal. What could you give me for a chaser?

[Lil]

Oh, my kisses ain't so bad. Polecat claims their intoxication.

[Jack Kirkwood]

Well, maybe for him with all I get from your kisses is hiccups.

[Lil]

Well, no more drinks, excepting for cash.

[Jack Kirkwood]

I'm gonna give you my three gold teeth for security.

[Lil]

You already gave me your gold teeth. They're back in my safe.

[Jack Kirkwood]

When'd you get em, gal?

[Lil]

Last night.

[Jack Kirkwood]

Oh, gone. I was wondering why I couldn't chaw up my beef steak breakfast. Had to blow it to bits with my six shooters.

[Lil]

Well, here comes powder.

[Jack Kirkwood]

Well, well, Cactus. Still a lapping up the liquor easy the hard pole cat. I ain't always drinking while. There's been times I lived for days or nothing but food and water.

[Lil]

Yep, and this is going to be another one of them days.

[Jack Kirkwood]

Oh, why don't you drink milk like I do? Milk's a bone builder. Yeah, I can see it's gone to your head too.

[Lil]

Hey, Cactus, if I give you back your gold teeth, will you go out and get a good big meal?

[Jack Kirkwood]

Yep, if you lend me a little money. I'm mighty hungry.

[Lil]

Oh, all right. I'll get your teeth out of the safe in the back office. And $2.

[Jack Kirkwood]

Better make it $22. I'm a might thirsty too. Cactus, you ought to be ashamed of yourself living off Sloppy sue fore you're married to her. What do you mean for a marriage to her? I got a marry sloppy to go on living. I'll just have to learn to get along without it. Hey, Captain. What? Quick.

[Lil]

There's a man in the back office trying to bust into my safe.

[Jack Kirkwood]

Why, the cowardly varmint. He's a thieving after my gold teeth. I'll go in there. I'll, I'll, I'll. You what? I'll have to get me some new teeth, I reckon. Hey, Polecat, you go in there and get that band. You go in and get him. You've always been an aching to be a hero? Oh, no. But the aching just eased up. Anyway, I can't go in there and fight no bandis lopi. I'm too hungry.

[Lil]

Well, take up a couple of notches in your belt.

[Jack Kirkwood]

I ain't wearing no belt.

[Lil]

What? What holds your pants up?

[Jack Kirkwood]

Me by. I got me. Besides, I gotta get back on the job. I'm a clerking at the drugstore now.

[Lil]

You got a job? Say, this is a surprise.

[Jack Kirkwood]

Yeah, I've been saving for a jam just like this. I sell lots of hand lotion to cowboys.

[Lil]

Hand lotion to cowboys?

[Jack Kirkwood]

Yep. They use it to get the chaps off of their legs. Oh, golly. Those Goodens sneak in every so often.

[Lil]

Say, Cactus, if you don't stop that bandit, I won't have no money to lend you.

[Jack Kirkwood]

That did a gal. Lemme at him. Order up a fireproof coffin, gal.

[Lil]

You gonna kill him, Cactus?

[Jack Kirkwood]

I doubt it. In these Westerns, I usually get killed myself. But you be real quiet now, gal. I'm gonna sneak up on him.

[Lil]

What's that?

[Jack Kirkwood]

My shoes squeak.

[Lil]

Take them off.

[Jack Kirkwood]

Okay. Hey, my toes squeak, too. You stay back, Sloppy. I'm going to open the office door. We on inner sanctum, guy? Sure is dark in here. I can't even see where I'm going. Oh, darn it. I hope he didn't hear me. No, no, I didn't hear a thing. Oh, good. All right, then. We'll be in a bit. Hey, what are you doing in here? Trying to open this safe. What are you doing in here? Oh, nothing. Just looking. Well, as long as you're doing nothing and looking, lend me a hand. You know how to open this safe? Oh, sure. Just feel around. You find a little hard knob? Oh, yeah. Let me see now. Well, there, I got it. You darn fool. That's my head. I was. I was wondering why it had ears on it. Three of them. Do you doggone? I. I knew the combination of this safe, but I forgot it. Hey, I got an idea. Yeah? You hold this cold chisel against the lock. I'll take the sledgehammer. Now, when you nod your head, I'll hit it. Ready? Yep. Okay, I'm nodding. Yeah, I got him. I got him. It's hard to hit a little head like his in the dark, too.

[Lil]

All right. Hands up or I'll shoot.

[Jack Kirkwood]

Yes, ma'am. I got him. Up.

[Lil]

I'll turn on the light.

[Jack Kirkwood]

Oh, where am I? Oh, here.

[Lil]

You hurt bad, Cactus?

[Jack Kirkwood]

Yep. I'm a going soon.

[Lil]

Aw, don't die, Cactus. You'll be leaving Me alone with this bandit here.

[Jack Kirkwood]

It'll serve him right if it did. I'm a going fast gal. Everything's a getting black.

[Lil]

Well, no wonder you got your hat down over your eyes.

[Jack Kirkwood]

Oh, yeah? Well, that's better. Hey, sue, now that I caught this save robber, what are you going to do? Lynch him.

[Lil]

Say, in the light, he's pretty good looking. Reckon I'll marry him instead of lynching him.

[Jack Kirkwood]

Floppy, why did you shoot that bandit for?

[Lil]

I didn't shoot him. He took one look at me and he shot us down.

[Jack Kirkwood]

What a darn coward. And that little Kentucky corn pone was Brazilian sleigh bells as played by Harry James. And his rhythm known as music with a jerk. Mind if I interrupt now, Thorndyke? Not at all, Algae. I say, don't forget to meet me in the morning. I have some shopping to do. Oh, do you have a list? No, I always walk like this. I'm surprised. I'm Kirkwood. I'm done. Well, how do you do? Mind if I borrow your girdle? I'd like to show you a couple of snappy tricks. Sorry. It's brand new. Where'd you get it? Just down the street. 1849. Ah, 49. Those were the good old days. Early California. The old Spanish mission. The adobe huts, beautiful senoritas. The proud Spanish grandes. Early padres. The Spanish don. The what? Spanish don, Spanish don, Spanish dons. Oh, I'd love to. Well, fellow, looks like we another one on his merry way. Back again tomorrow, along about this same time and with the same gang. Lillian Lee, Gaylord Connor Lee, Albert Zam and sound effects man and our producer, J.C. lewis. In the meantime, take mighty good care of yourselves and all that stuff like that there. Yeah. Hear me? Until next time, this is Steve Duncan, Jack Kirkwood, asking you to wait for that call. Hey, you. Are you listening? This is the United States Armed Forces Radio Service, the voice of Information and Education SA.