Jimmy Durante - Garry Moore 44-12-22 63 Sorry, The Lion Is Busy

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Jimmy Durante - Garry Moore 44-12-22 63 Sorry, The Lion Is Busy
Release Date: March 26, 2025

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Introduction

In this charming episode of Harold's Old Time Radio, host Gary Moore and the beloved comedian Jimmy Durante reunite to deliver a nostalgic journey reminiscent of the Golden Age of Radio. Accompanied by Howard Petrie and Roy Boggy with his orchestra, the episode blends humor, light-hearted banter, and classic radio skits, all adorned with the unmistakable wit of Jimmy Durante.

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Main Conversations and Banter

Gary Moore and Jimmy Durante's Friendly Exchange

The episode opens with Gary Moore engaging in a playful conversation with Jimmy Durante, highlighting Durante's humorous take on everyday situations.

• Gary Moore (00:22): "Jimmy Durante. Where are you?"
• Jimmy Durante (00:22): "At McGuire's house. And it's awful. When I left for New York two weeks ago, she weighed 150 pounds. Now she weighs 200."

This light-hearted exchange sets the tone for the episode, showcasing Durante's signature humor.

Holiday Preparations and Gift-Giving Woes

As the conversation shifts to the holiday season, Gary Moore shares his dilemma about Christmas shopping.

• Gary Moore (01:43): "Christmas shopping is a problem. This year, for instance, I couldn't think of a thing to give to Betty Grable."

Durante responds with his typical comedic flair, recounting his own shopping experiences and mishaps.

• Jimmy Durante (05:05): "Christmas shopping. Anybody who hasn't done their Christmas shopping before now has nothing above their ears. Well, just call me Flat Top."

Musical Interludes and Performances

Roy Boggy and his orchestra provide delightful musical segments throughout the episode, including a whimsical rendition of Raymond Scott's "Toy Trumpet."

• Roy Boggy (13:33): "That was Roy Boggy and his 19 men playing the toy trumpet. 19 men blowing into one trumpet. They must know each other very well."

Camaraderie and Holiday Wishes

As the episode progresses, Moore and Durante exchange warm holiday wishes, emphasizing themes of friendship and togetherness.

• Gary Moore (26:44): "May we join you in the hope that next Christmas we'll find our family circles together once more."
• Jimmy Durante (27:00): "Merry Christmas, everybody."

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Skit: The Keeper Walked

A standout segment of the episode is the humorous skit titled "The Keeper Walked," where Moore and Durante portray zoo caretakers dealing with mischievous animals.

Encounter with Ms. Florabelle Farfold

Ms. Florabelle Farfold enters seeking a unique Christmas present, prompting Moore and Durante to embark on a comedic quest to secure a six-legged octopus.

• Mrs. Wertle (21:14): "Gentlemen, I want to buy my family an octopus for Christmas."
• Jimmy Durante (24:32): "I beg to differ. A six-legged octopus has caught us."

The skit culminates in a playful interaction with the elusive octopus, blending absurdity with festive humor.

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Humorous Anecdotes and Jokes

Throughout the episode, Jimmy Durante shares a series of amusing stories and jokes, adding layers of entertainment.

Christmas Shopping Mishaps

Durante narrates a convoluted tale of juggling Christmas purchases, demonstrating his knack for storytelling.

• Jimmy Durante (04:02): "I grabs some water and gives it to the floor walker. Just in time, too. One more second and his carnation would have died."

Santa Claus Suit Fiasco

Highlighting his self-deprecating humor, Durante recounts a comical incident from his previous Santa Claus performance.

• Jimmy Durante (07:20): "While I was wearing my Santa Claus suit, a little boy walked over, took one look at my schnoz and said, I've seen Santa Clauses before, but this is the first time I ever saw one wearing his pack in front."

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Promotional Segments and Sponsorships

Interspersed within the content are sponsorship messages, primarily promoting Camel cigarettes, delivered by Howard Petrie.

• Howard Petrie (10:33): "Camel cigarettes bring to every smoker's taste and throat a distinguished blend of costlier tobaccos."

Additionally, Durante contributes a jingle in support of Camel, blending seamlessly with the episode's flow.

• Jimmy Durante (18:24): "C A M E L S From Boston to Sardinia, Camels are smoking."

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Closing Remarks and Holiday Greetings

As the episode draws to a close, Moore and Durante extend heartfelt holiday wishes to their listeners, blending sincerity with their characteristic humor.

• Gary Moore (26:44): "May our hearts be full of hope and our stockings full of war bonds."
• Jimmy Durante (27:05): "Merry Christmas."

The episode wraps up with a final nod to upcoming shows and a reminder of Camel's sponsorship, maintaining the nostalgic and festive atmosphere.

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Conclusion

This episode of Harold's Old Time Radio masterfully captures the essence of classic radio entertainment, blending humor, music, and heartwarming interactions. Gary Moore and Jimmy Durante's chemistry, supported by Howard Petrie and Roy Boggy's musical talents, create a memorable listening experience that honors the traditions of the Golden Age of Radio while delivering timeless humor and holiday cheer.

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Notable Quotes:

• Jimmy Durante (00:22): "At McGuire's house. And it's awful."
• Gary Moore (01:43): "Christmas shopping is a problem."
• Jimmy Durante (05:05): "Call me Flat Top."
• Mrs. Wertle (21:14): "I want to buy my family an octopus for Christmas."
• Jimmy Durante (07:20): "This is the first time I ever saw one wearing his pack in front."
• Gary Moore (26:44): "May our hearts be full of hope and our stockings full of war bonds."
• Jimmy Durante (27:05): "Merry Christmas."

All timestamps correspond to the provided transcript sections.

Transcript

[Gary Moore]

With the Amex Gold Card, you can run your errands and grab a pick me up from Dunkin on Amex. Earn up to $7 in monthly statement credits when you pay with the Gold Card at Dunkin'enrollment. Required terms apply. Learn [e-mail] US Explore Gold. Hello, this is Gary Moore speaking.

[Jimmy Durante]

Hello, Junior. This is Jimmy.

[Gary Moore]

Jimmy Durante. Where are you?

[Jimmy Durante]

At McGuire's house. And it's awful. When I left for New York two weeks ago, she weighed 150 pounds. Now she weighs 200.

[Gary Moore]

You mean she's gained 50 pounds in the interim?

[Jimmy Durante]

Yes, and on the outer rim too.

[Howard Petrie]

C A M E L S. Camel cigarettes. Present. Jimmy Durante and Gary Moore. Yes, it's the Friday night Camel show. Gary Moore, Jimmy Durante, Roy Boggy and his orchestra. And yours truly, Howard Petrie. Brought to you by Camel. The cigaret that's first in the service according to actual sales records. See if your throat and your taste don't make Camel a first with you too. Find out for yourself. And now, friends, it's my privilege to introduce the sweetest, kindest, most generous man I know. I've said that for many Christmases past and I say it now for the present. Oh, well, Skipper, here he is, Gary Moore.

[Gary Moore]

Well, thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. My friends. Good evening. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. May I be the first to wish you a very happy Eve before the Eve before the Eve before Christmas. And by the way, Howard, I want to thank you for that nice heating pad you gave me.

[Howard Petrie]

Oh, Gary, that wasn't a heating pad. That was an electric toaster.

[Gary Moore]

Electric to. No wonder I kept popping out of bed all night. Tomorrow night I'd better butter myself. And believe me, Howard, you know, Christmas shopping is a problem. This year, for instance, I couldn't think of a thing to give to Betty Grable. After all, she's got so much already. And like I say, I, I, I, I couldn't think of anything she needed. So I walked around, walked around and looked in all the windows.

[Howard Petrie]

Well, what was the result?

[Gary Moore]

Harry James came out and said, quit looking in our windows. I was so embarrassed I almost dropped my periscope. But let me tell you how.

[Mrs. Wertle]

There you are, Mr. Moore, you lovely man.

[Gary Moore]

It looks like I'm getting my turkey early this year. How. How are you, Mrs. Wertle? Birdle.

[Mrs. Wertle]

Oh, please, Mr. Moore, don't be mean to me. Tonight I want to make a good impression. You see, my mother in law is out in front.

[Gary Moore]

She's out in front, Anne. Well, Those wartime girdles don't last forever. What is it that brings you here tonight?

[Mrs. Wertle]

My dear Mr. Moore, I have come to receive your congratulations.

[Jimmy Durante]

No.

[Mrs. Wertle]

I just took my automobile driving test and I am now a qualified California driver.

[Gary Moore]

Well, which are you? A qualified or a California driver? Can't be both, you know.

[Mrs. Wertle]

Say, listen, I was sensational in my test.

[Gary Moore]

Well, didn't it make you nervous to have a policeman sitting around the front seat with you?

[Mrs. Wertle]

Not in the least. I just kept my hand on the wheel, my foot on the brake, my eye on the road and my nose out the window.

[Gary Moore]

Your nose out the window? Yes.

[Mrs. Wertle]

The policeman's horse sat between us. Oh, but Now I'm worried, Mr. Bourne. I have my license, but I still don't really understand about cars. What actually makes an automobile go.

[Gary Moore]

Well, there are several things that make an automobile go, one of which was gasoline. But. But to really understand cars, Mrs. W, go out and lift up the hood of your own car. Of course, first, wiping off yesterday's pedestrians. And there, my dear. There, my dear, before your very eyes lies the engine. Just think how thousands of workmen have fashioned hundreds of pieces of metal to just one millionth of an inch so that when you start the engine, it'll knock till your teeth rattle. It's Wonderful, isn't it?

[Mrs. Wertle]

Mr. Moore, that's still doesn't answer my question. How does a car go?

[Gary Moore]

Oh, you don't want me to tell you that. Everybody knows that.

[Mrs. Wertle]

Well, I don't. So tell me, how does a car go?

[Gary Moore]

Having eased myself of that opinion, let's introduce that genius of his generation, the one and only Jimmy Durante in person.

[Jimmy Durante]

You gotta start off each day with a song.

[Gary Moore]

Oh, sing it. Sing it, Jimmy.

[Jimmy Durante]

Now, even when things go. You guys being sorry, I even feel better. You even look better. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas heart Bink Crosby, if you're listening in, you better start saving your money.

[Gary Moore]

Hello, Jimmy.

[Jimmy Durante]

Hello, Junior.

[Gary Moore]

Merry Christmas, Jimmy.

[Jimmy Durante]

Merry Christmas, Junior. Some lousy necktie you gave me.

[Gary Moore]

Well, Jimmy, what have you been doing all week? Christmas shopping.

[Jimmy Durante]

Christmas shopping. Anybody who hasn't done their Christmas shopping before now has nothing above their ears. Well, just call me Flat Top.

[Gary Moore]

I shall. Jimmy, you know, I have a little present for you. It's an electric train. Here, I'll show you how it runs. Isn't that swell? Jimmy, what happened?

[Jimmy Durante]

What happened? I thought I saw an empty seat.

[Gary Moore]

Oh, no.

[Jimmy Durante]

But, Junior, thanks for the present. And I didn't forget you. I bought you a nice bottle of Oldie Cluny. In fact, I'm wearing some of it now.

[Gary Moore]

Yes, it's fetching. What's the Name of it?

[Jimmy Durante]

10 nights in a drainage canal.

[Gary Moore]

10 nights in a drainage canal. What did you have to spend to get it?

[Jimmy Durante]

10 nights in a Drainage canal.

[Gary Moore]

That's very lovely, Janine. I think maybe a better name for it would be Fleur de Suur.

[Jimmy Durante]

Let that laugh be your Christmas present, Mr. Mill.

[Gary Moore]

You're getting awfully small presents this year. But tell me, Jimmy, did you get a present for your girlfriend, Elsie Pepperpool?

[Jimmy Durante]

Yes, I got Elsie an electric razor and some shaving lotion.

[Gary Moore]

A razor and shaving lotion for Elsie?

[Jimmy Durante]

Yes, Junior. I gave her something I can use because every year she gives the presents back to me. You know, I looked awful silly last year wearing those pink lace panties. I love that kind of carrying on. But that is neither Lionel Barry nor more. Last night I received an invitation to a special showing of my new MGM picture, Music for Millions. Oh, yes, and Junior, what a picture. What a cast. The stars of the picture were Margaret O'Brien, Herman Schwartz, Oz Itobe, Herman Schwartz, June Allison, Herman Schwartz, Jimmy Durante and Herman Schwartz.

[Gary Moore]

Wait a minute, Jimmy. Where does Herman Schwartz fit in the picture?

[Jimmy Durante]

The film was developed in his drugstore.

[Gary Moore]

Well, enough. Enough of your thespian activities. Tell me, Jimmy, are you going to play Santa Claus for the children again this year?

[Jimmy Durante]

No, Gary, I've had my lesson. Last year I was humiliated, begun, chagrin, you were.

[Gary Moore]

Begone, cheren. What happened?

[Jimmy Durante]

Well, that's Latin. If you don't like that.

[Gary Moore]

What happened?

[Jimmy Durante]

What happened? Well, while I was wearing my Santa Claus suit, a little boy walked over, took one look at my schnoz and said, I've seen Santa Clauses before, but this is the first time I ever saw one wearing his pack in front.

[Gary Moore]

Well, Christmas doesn't worry me, Jimmy. I've got all my shopping done.

[Jimmy Durante]

Me too, Junior. But what an experience I had in a Hollywood department store. At one counter, I buy a turtleneck sweater for my Uncle Joe, who has a turtleneck. At another counter, I buy a real life puppy that goes woof, woof, woof. And finally, I buy a 10 foot Christmas tree that fits exactly on my piazza. Just as I'm leaving the store, I hear the floor walker scream. Help. Help. Get me some water. So putting down the turtleneck sweater, the ten foot Christmas tree and the real life puppy that goes woof, woof, woof. I rushes around, finds some water and gives it to the floor walker. Just in time, too. One more second and his carnation would have died. My one good deed for the day being done, I picks up the turtleneck sweater, the ten foot Christmas tree and the real live puppy that goes woof woof woof. And heads from a car that's parked across the street. But can I cross? No. The light is red and I gotta wait. So I puts down the turtleneck sweater, the ten foot Christmas tree, the and the real live puppy that goes woof woof woof. And waits and waits. And waits. At last the light turns green. Ready to cross. I looks at the puppy, I looks at the tree. Now I gotta wait for the puppy. Canine catastrophe. I'm standing there whistling Jingle Bells between clenched teeth when the light changes again. But is it green? No. Is it red? No, it's yellow. I'm fuming. And they're bringing in new colors. Not being able to outwit those double crossing lights, what do I do? I decide to employ strategy. The street is amok with vehicles and automobiles too. So I figures out that if I go through the back door of every car, I'll be on the other side of the street before you can say shadrach me shack and umbriago. Quick as a flash, I opens the door of the first car. How do you do? How do you do? How do you do? How do you do? Pardon me, sailor. Nice. Tragedy works. And now I'm across the street on the sidewalk of victory. So putting down my turtleneck sweater, my ten foot three and my puppy that goes woof woof woof, I'm ready to continue to my car. When I looks around on Junior, I starts fermenting all over again.

[Gary Moore]

What was wrong? You were on the sidewalk, weren't you?

[Jimmy Durante]

Yes, but I was on a sidewalk in Glendale.

[Gary Moore]

No.

[Jimmy Durante]

Now you know that you can't go wrong. Why didn't you start off each day with a shark?

[Gary Moore]

And now, While the irrepressible Mr. Durante retires to his corner long enough for his seconds to revive him, Our distinguished colleague, Mr. Petrie steps to the center of the ring.

[Howard Petrie]

Thank you, Gary, for that. Distinguished. Because that is the adjective that really applies to the subject of my brief discourse. Camel cigarettes for Camels bring to every smoker's taste and throat a distinguished blend of costlier tobaccos. And it's the rich, full flavor of these tobaccos and their cool mildness that distinguishes Camels from so many other cigarettes. So, folks, try Camels on your own. T Zone. That's T for taste and T for throat. The world's best proving ground for a cigarette. C A M E L S Camels, a distinguished blend of costlier tobaccos. As his Yuletide special, Roy Bar presents his arrangement of Raymond Scott's Toy Trumpet.

[Jimmy Durante]

And that was Roy Boggy and his 19 men playing the toy trumpet. 19 men blowing into one trumpet. They must know each other very well. But enough of this renny, cazazzle and Fiddle Dee Jr, what have you in store for the culture corner tonight?

[Gary Moore]

Well, earlier tonight, James, you gave us your version of I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas. And I hardly think I should let the season go by without taking a crack at it myself. So stand back while I throw out my diaphragm.

[Jimmy Durante]

Very well. I shall run and get McCatches Mitt in case you throw it my way.

[Gary Moore]

Thank you, James. Maestro. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas with every Christmas card I ride. I love you passionately, Stephanie Hootknockel. Oh, I loved you, darling. And I shall never forget the night we met, my love. It was Christmas Eve and I was tramping through the crisp white snow when my foot slipped in a puddle of slush. I leaned over to clean off my shoe. There you were, my sweet. Ah, yes, there you were, angel, Your lovely face nestled between my galoshes. I looked down at you ever so gently and said, hello there. But you were the shy type. All you could do was smile and blow snowballs. But ever so gently, ever so gently, I took your hands and pulled you up and oh, what lovely hands you had, darling, what lovely hands. They looked positively Grecian, like you'd been Grecian automobiles.

[Jimmy Durante]

Ah, darling.

[Gary Moore]

And holding you from me, holding you from me at arm's length. I looked you over, lover, and I could tell you were the salt of the earth. Too bad I couldn't say much for your shaker. And ever so slowly, ever so slowly, darling, you smiled at me. Yes, you smiled and I saw your teeth. Your teeth were like pearls and that was the trouble. You smiled too wide and the string broke. Oh, how we laughed, my darling, how we laughed as we fished through the snow, straining your teeth through my handkerchief. Finally we found them. Yes, we found them. And you bit out I love you on the handle of my snow shuffle. It could have been so happy, my darling. You were my little snowflake and I was your vitamin flint heart. Now recall how upset our friends were when several months later they read in Winchell's column that we had. But we knew that we hadn't ft at all. That noise was just me letting the air out of your head. Yes, we could have been happy. But then it happened. We had walked far out in the country and were crossing a frozen lake. Suddenly the ice began to stir beneath our feet as if the angry waters resented our trespassing. With a groan like that of a wounded jungle beast, the ice began to tear itself asunder. Look out, Stephanie. I scream. The ice is breaking up. The ice is breaking down.

[Jimmy Durante]

Look out.

[Gary Moore]

Ha. Thank you, friends with Georgia Gibbs, still on the sick list in New York, but very much in our hearts out here, we've asked Roy Boggy to send the Christmas greeting of all of us to Georgia with a song that means a lot to her. There goes that song again. Georgia Hines.

[Jimmy Durante]

That was great, Mr. Boggy. You know, Junior, I teach music too. Yeah, every night I teach Lana Turner, Paulette Goddard, Bette Davis.

[Gary Moore]

Jimmy, Jimmy, they can't sing. Aren't you wasting your time?

[Jimmy Durante]

My boy is very young. But there's something I'm teaching all smokers. Listen. C A M E L S From Boston to Sardinia, Camels are smoking. That showed the win. Ya.

[Howard Petrie]

Well, I'm no music critic, Jimmy, but the words are great. Camels have a way of winning people who try them. That rich full flavor of Camel's magnificent blend of costlier tobaccos seems to click with people's taste the world around. And Camel's kind cool mildness seems to be mighty. Welcome to millions of throats. Look all you folks, why don't you try Camels on your own? T Zone. Tea for taste and tea for throat. It's the best place to find out which cigarette is best for you. And like those millions of people we were talking about, the answer may be.

[Jimmy Durante]

C A M E L S Camels.

[Howard Petrie]

The cigarette of costlier tobaccos.

[Jimmy Durante]

And now the Friday night Camel show brings you a drama of animals in the zoo and the men who take care of them entitled the keeper walked.

[Gary Moore]

Into the hungry lion's cage today and accidentally turned his back Or.

[Mrs. Wertle]

Sorry, the lion is busy.

[Jimmy Durante]

Remarks like that will make us candidates for oblivion.

[Gary Moore]

Jimmy. Jimmy, tonight you and I are caretakers in a zoo. Have you had any experience with wild animals?

[Jimmy Durante]

What a question. Why? You're speaking to the foremost trainer of hippopota pusses.

[Gary Moore]

The word is hippopotamus. How can you train a hippopotamus if you can't even say his name?

[Jimmy Durante]

What's the difference? He can't say my name either.

[Gary Moore]

Comes out of here. Well, come on Jimmy. We're due at the zoo. Let's shuffle over there.

[Jimmy Durante]

You shuffle. I just dealt.

[Gary Moore]

Hello Mor to Randy zoo More speaking.

[Mrs. Wertle]

Mr. Moore, this is the children's day nursery. Did you call us this morning?

[Gary Moore]

Why, yes, I did. We want you to take care of a baby kangaroo for us.

[Mrs. Wertle]

Why can't the mother carry the baby in a pouch?

[Gary Moore]

Well, she drank some Coca Cola this morning and can't keep a thing on her stomach. Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble.

[Jimmy Durante]

Hold everything, Junior. Hold everything. Treachery stalks my pat.

[Gary Moore]

What's the matter, Jimmy?

[Jimmy Durante]

I just had a horrible experience. I walk sent to the moose cage and the mama moose comes charging down on me. So I grabbed her by the horns.

[Gary Moore]

But a mama moose doesn't have any horns.

[Jimmy Durante]

I know. Would you care to join me in a cup of moose milk?

[Gary Moore]

No. No, thank you, Jimmy. I've had enough trouble of my own. I knew giraffe developed a sore throat and I had to call up Dr. Rapper to come over and swab it.

[Jimmy Durante]

Yes, I noticed a big swelling in the giraffe's throat. What is that? A swollen gland?

[Gary Moore]

That's Dr. Rapoport still swabbing. But that's not our only problem, Jimmy. Our pet ostrich is in a deplorable condition. Her neck is scrawny, her eyes are popping out, her feathers are molting.

[Jimmy Durante]

Maybe we better go over and see the ostrich.

[Mrs. Wertle]

Oh, there you are, gentlemen.

[Jimmy Durante]

Too late. The ostrich came to see us.

[Mrs. Wertle]

I beg your pardon. I'm Ms. Florabelle Farfold. I came in here to buy an unusual Christmas present for my family. You see, my family collects odd things.

[Gary Moore]

You must have been a great addition to their collection.

[Mrs. Wertle]

Gentlemen, I want to buy my family an octopus for Christmas.

[Jimmy Durante]

Octopus?

[Mrs. Wertle]

Yes, and I want the kind of octopus that has only six legs. It's very rare.

[Gary Moore]

A six legged octopus? Well, that's the rarest species there is. It's known as the Octoploda Punctatus Bosophus, Octopoda Punctatas boccalapus.

[Jimmy Durante]

Everybody wants to get into the yacht.

[Mrs. Wertle]

Gentlemen, I want you to get this octopus for me. Even if you have to sail the seven seas.

[Gary Moore]

Very well, madam. Come on, Jimmy. We're off to the seven seas.

[Jimmy Durante]

Push the giblet way the captain and batten down the poop deck.

[Gary Moore]

Seaman Durante. Seaman Durante, the ship isn't acting right. Are you sure you checked the fuel?

[Jimmy Durante]

Aye, aye, sir. I just went down to the boiler room and filled the tanks with beer.

[Gary Moore]

You filled the ship's tanks with beer? Sure.

[Jimmy Durante]

Ain't this a schooner? I got a million of them up.

[Gary Moore]

Oh, mate, mates, I don't think you should have shipped out with me. After all, I come from a long line of sea cats.

[Jimmy Durante]

You do?

[Gary Moore]

While my uncle was on board ship when Admiral Dewey said, you may fire Gridley when you are ready.

[Jimmy Durante]

Well, my uncle was ready, so.

[Gary Moore]

So he fired Gridley.

[Jimmy Durante]

Served him right. Well, skipper, it's getting pretty dark. We need some light to see our way.

[Gary Moore]

Yes, I'd better send up an orange flare. Uh, Seaman Petrie.

[Howard Petrie]

Aye, aye, sir.

[Gary Moore]

I want you to send up an orange flare.

[Howard Petrie]

Send up an orange flare. I won't do it, I tell you.

[Gary Moore]

Throw me in the brig, put me on bread and water. But I won't. I won't send up an orange flare. Why not?

[Howard Petrie]

An orange flare in a green ocean.

[Gary Moore]

Why, they'd clash.

[Jimmy Durante]

You know, Gary, I'll get rid of that guy as soon as he finishes crocheting my hammock.

[Gary Moore]

Matey. Matey. We must be near the place where the six legged octopus is. We better take a sounding. Where's the lead?

[Jimmy Durante]

It's in my hip pocket.

[Gary Moore]

Get the lead out of your pocket and take a sounding. Alas me, there's a storm a brewin'now. We'll never find a six legged octopus.

[Jimmy Durante]

Man overboard. Man overboard. What am I yelling for? It's me.

[Gary Moore]

Don't worry, Jimmy, I'll throw you a lifesaver. Well, never mind. Now that I'm in here, I'll hand it to you. Gee whiz, Jimmy, isn't it dark? I. I can't see a thing.

[Jimmy Durante]

Don't worry, Junior. We'll save each other.

[Gary Moore]

Aw, Jimmy, I. I want to thank you for holding me up in the water this way.

[Jimmy Durante]

But Junior, I ain't holding you up in the water.

[Gary Moore]

Of course you are. You got your legs wrapped around me. Here's one leg.

[Jimmy Durante]

Here's two legs.

[Gary Moore]

Here's three legs. Here's four legs. Five legs. Jimmy, I think we've caught the six legged octopus.

[Jimmy Durante]

I beg to differ. A six legged octopus has caught us.

[Gary Moore]

Come in.

[Mrs. Wertle]

Oh, well, welcome back, gentlemen.

[Gary Moore]

Oh, well, welcome back yourself.

[Mrs. Wertle]

Oh, isn't it wonderful? But who is that you have? Oh, it's the octopus.

[Gary Moore]

Well, you're close. It's Mr. Duranty.

[Jimmy Durante]

I should never have come out of the water.

[Gary Moore]

Ms. Farple. Ms. Farple, we have your six legged octopus outside. But before we bring it in, there's one thing we want to know. Yes?

[Jimmy Durante]

You said you wanted it as a Christmas present for your family.

[Gary Moore]

Yes, but why must it be an octopus with only six legs?

[Mrs. Wertle]

Why, I have three sisters and they never have anyone to take them Dancing.

[Jimmy Durante]

No.

[Gary Moore]

Thanks.

[Unknown]

To the Yanks of the week. Tonight, a salute and a merry Christmas to Sergeant Robert E. Paris of Longmont, Colorado. This medical aid man with the 45th Thunderbird Division has won the Silver Star for his gallantry under heavy shelling in the Italian theater. In your honor, Sergeant Paris, the makers of Camels are sending to our fighters overseas 400,000 Camel cigarettes.

[Howard Petrie]

Each of the three Camel shows honors a Yank of the week by sending free 400,000 Camel cigarettes overseas. A total of more than a million camels sent free each week in this country. The camel caravans traveling from camp to camp have thanked audiences of more than 4 million yanks with free shows and free camels.

[Jimmy Durante]

Now, who will be with you when I'm far away? When?

[Gary Moore]

Where?

[Jimmy Durante]

Let me hear that high note, maestro. What a note.

[Gary Moore]

A cheerful note, Mr. Durante.

[Jimmy Durante]

Are you tight note, Mr. Moore.

[Gary Moore]

And Jimmy, if I had the proper refreshments in store, I'd invite the entire cast up to my house for Christmas dinner.

[Howard Petrie]

Well, don't let that stop you, Gary. I'll bring a bottle of champagne.

[Mrs. Wertle]

Well, I'll bring a bottle of sparkling burgundy.

[Jimmy Durante]

As for me, I'll bring a bottle of Sautern.

[Gary Moore]

Well, Jimmy, what'll you bring?

[Jimmy Durante]

I'll bring a bottle opener.

[Gary Moore]

And friends, before we leave here, Jimmy and I and the whole gang want to send to each one of you our warmest wishes at this Christmas time. May we join you in the hope that next Christmas we'll find our family circles together once more. Let our hearts be full of hope and our stockings full of war bonds.

[Jimmy Durante]

That's my boy. Who said that?

[Gary Moore]

Merry Christmas, Mr. Durante.

[Jimmy Durante]

Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence.

[Gary Moore]

Merry Christmas, everybody.

[Jimmy Durante]

Merry Christmas.

[Howard Petrie]

Camel broadcasts go out to the United States three times a week. Rebroadcast to our men overseas and to South America. Listen Monday to Bob Hawk in thanks to the Yanks, Thursday to Abbott and Costello. And next Friday listen to Georgia Gibbs, Roy Vargy and his orchestra, yours truly.

[Jimmy Durante]

Howard Petrie and Jimmy Durani and Gary Moore in person.

[Howard Petrie]

And remember, try Camels on your throat and your taste. See for yourself how Camels mildness, coolness and flavor click with you.

[Unknown]

No matter how careful you are, those last minute names always seem to crop up on the gift list. Well, wipe that worried frown off your brow. Here's a swell idea for the men on your list. A big pound or half pound package of Prince Albert smoking tobacco with the bright Christmas band Long after Christmas has come and gone they'll enjoy your gift because men like Prince Albert's rich, full bodied yet mild flavor. And it's aged in the wood aroma and the way it packs, draws and burns and its wonderful tongue gentleness. Thanks to the no bite treatment. It's a swell Christmas present. Tomorrow, Saturday night, be sure to listen to Prince Albert's grand old opera. For nearly 19 years, bringing the real authoritative American folk music and fun to Southern radio audiences. And now broadcast coast to coast. Remember Grand Old Opry every Saturday night on another network.

[Howard Petrie]

And remember Camel cigarettes again. Present Jimmy Durante and Gary Moore next Friday night at this same time. This is cbs, the Columbia Broadcasting System, knx, Columbia Square, Los Angeles.