Jimmy Durante-Garry Moore Show-Thanksgiving Pilgrim Opera 1946-11-22

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Jimmy Durante-Garry Moore Show – Thanksgiving Pilgrim Opera (1946-11-22)
Airdate: November 8, 2025 (rebroadcast)
Theme: Golden Age of Radio comedy extravaganza featuring iconic duo Jimmy Durante and Garry Moore, playful Thanksgiving-themed sketches, music, and a parody opera.

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode showcases a classic 1946 broadcast of "The Jimmy Durante-Garry Moore Show," brought to modern audiences by Harold's Old Time Radio. The program is a lively, joke-filled celebration of family radio entertainment, focusing on Thanksgiving festivities. The highlight is a comedic "Pilgrim Opera," a playful musical retelling of classic Thanksgiving lore, all delivered in the show's unmistakable, quick-witted comedic style.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Opening Banter and Thanksgiving Raffle

• [01:10-02:30] Garry Moore kicks off the show with playful banter and hosts an annual turkey raffle, joking that if the winner isn’t present, he’ll claim the turkey himself.
• Audience interaction is simulated for comic effect.

Memorable quote:

• "If the person with the winning number is not in the audience tonight, the turkey automatically becomes mine." – Garry Moore [01:47]

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2. Courtesy and Etiquette Sketch

• [03:01-04:08] Garry and Suzanne Ellers riff on the lost art of courtesy, with tongue-in-cheek “etiquette lessons.”
• Jokes about the changing times, cumbersome purses, and modern manners:

Notable exchange:

• "In the old days, if a gentleman was walking along with a lady and they came to a mud puddle, he’d take off the coat and spread it over the puddle... Now, he uses your coat!" – Garry Moore [03:17]

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3. Jimmy Durante’s Arrival and Washington Adventure

• [04:31-10:33] Jimmy bursts in with comic songs and tales of being a cabinet “Minister Without Portfolio” for President Truman.
• Wild stories about fixing swimming pool leaks, mingling with royalty, and absurd banquet planning.
• Segues into banter about etiquette disasters at formal events:

Notable quotes:

• "We called in the Secretary of the Navy, the Secretary of War... Even they couldn't figure out how to stop the leak in my swimming pool." – Jimmy Durante [05:38]
• "He appointed me Minister Without Portfolio... a big country like this and they can't even afford to buy me a briefcase." – Jimmy Durante [06:42]
• "I'll hold the olive pit in my right hand and when the Duke shakes hands with me to say good night... I let go." – Jimmy Durante [09:59]
• "I didn't mind putting on his garter, but a guy's gotta draw the line somewhere." – Jimmy Durante [10:33]

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4. Ancestral Legends: The Invention of the Kiss

• [12:32-17:27] Garry spins an outlandish yarn about his ancestor “Casanova Moore,” who supposedly invented the kiss through various preposterous romantic rituals.
• Episode is full of slapstick historical anachronisms and build-up to the discovery of the kiss via eating a pickle from both ends.

Notable moments:

• "In those days, couples engaged in a form of affection called dipple dipling... you slap her in the face with a wet herring." – Garry Moore [13:29]
• "Their lips came closer and closer until finally Casanova bit past his half..." [15:19]
• "'Oh Casanova, before you leave me, Give me just one more dipple dive.'" – Suzanne Ellers as Sweetheart [13:44]

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5. Musical Interlude: Suzanne Ellis Sings

• [17:47-20:10] After comic praise from Jimmy, Suzanne Ellis delivers a sentimental ballad ("For You, For Me, Forevermore"), providing a melodic break from the jokes.

Introduction exchange:

• "That's a Durani secret, Susie ... every morning I swab my throat with two parts cayenne pepper, a jigger of creosote, a dash of Kim tune and a pound and a half of grated garlic." – Jimmy Durante [17:56]
• "And does that make you sing?" – Suzanne Ellis [18:10]
• "If you don't open your mouth, you suffocate!" – Jimmy Durante [18:12]

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6. The Thanksgiving Pilgrim Opera (The Showpiece)

• [21:49-26:40] The episode peaks with a Thanksgiving “opera”—a broad send-up of Pilgrim romance, starring:
  • Jimmy Durante as Miles Standish (brash and outlandish)
  • Garry Moore as John Alden (romantic underdog)
  • Suzanne Ellis as Priscilla (the sought-after heroine)
  • Howard Petrie provides tongue-in-cheek narration and chorus lines.
• The opera parodies melodrama and operatic conventions, featuring clever rhymes, comedic bravado, mistaken identities, and playful love triangle antics.

Standout moments:

• "In this opera, ladies and gentlemen, I sing for two hours without taking a breath." – Jimmy Durante [21:59]
• "How can you sing for two hours without taking a breath?" – Garry Moore [22:04]
• "Storage tank in my nose." – Jimmy Durante [22:07]
• "Her skin is like a peach... sort of fuzzy and wet." – Garry Moore [24:00]
• "Oh, get up, Miles, you're kneeling in her jello." – Garry Moore [25:24]
• "Can that be a fact? Everybody wants to get into the act." – Garry Moore [26:30]

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7. Finale and Comic Coffee Ritual

• [27:52-28:37] After closing banter about shopping and coffee brewing (“the secret is to open at the right moment—you get it right in the eye!”), the cast says their goodnights with signature wit.
• Running gags about Garry’s nose, Jimmy’s jokes, and classic vaudeville sign-off tradition.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• "Where do you think I'm calling from?" – Jimmy Durante, on reckless driving ([01:03])
• "I mingled with all kinds of royalty... maquises and their maccassins."
  • "Not moccasins... Marchioness!" – Garry Moore corrects the comedic malapropism ([08:45])
• "Ask a guy a question and he joins the Foreign Legion." – Jimmy Durante ([08:56])
• "A man's gotta draw the line somewhere." – Durante, on the Queen's 'Knight of the Bath' offer ([10:33])
• "In those days, couples...slapped her in the face with a wet herring." – Moore, on 'dipple dipling' ([13:32])
• "You double cross me, Budny will have to operate 40 times to remove the lead from your..." – Durante's threat to Moore ([24:13])
• "Oh, get up, Miles. You're kneeling in her jello." – Punchline in the opera ([25:24])
• "Can that be a fact? Everybody wants to get into the act." – Moore, highlighting the playful chaos ([26:30])
• "Well, if you open the top at that point, you get it right in the eye." – Durante, revealing secret of coffee making ([28:16])

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Structure & Flow

• Comedy is king: Jokes, musical punchlines, and rapid-fire banter are ever-present, keeping a light, vaudevillian tone.
• Musicality: Both playful and heartfelt musical numbers break up the sketch comedy.
• Thanksgiving spirit: Throughout, the episode lampoons and leans into holiday customs, gratitude, and family fun with irreverence and warmth.
• Live audience feel: The dynamics and delivery are lively, as if performed before a crowd, adding to its classic charm.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a loving time capsule of radio variety, brimming with slapstick, wordplay, period wit, and imaginative song-and-dance humor. The Thanksgiving "opera" is a zany highlight, and the episode bursts with comic chemistry and musical flair. If you enjoy classic American humor, theatrical sketches, or historic radio, this episode is quintessential listening.

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End of summary.

Transcript

[A]

Limu Emu and Doug.

[B]

Here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug. Limu. Is that guy with the binoculars watching us? Cut the camera. They see us.

[C]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty, Liberty.

[D]

Liberty. Liberty.

[B]

Savings vary underwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates.

[C]

Excludes Massachusetts. Good health to all from Rexall.

[A]

Hello, Rexall Drug Program, Gary Moore speaking.

[B]

Hello, Gary. This is Jimmy.

[A]

Jimmy Durante.

[C]

Where are you?

[B]

I'm trying to get to the studio on time. I passed three red lights, went the wrong way up a one way street, drove over the sidewalk and did a solid 50 miles an hour down Sunset Boulevard.

[A]

But Jimmy, they can put you in jail for that.

[B]

Where do you think I'm calling from?

[C]

Guest From Hollywood. It's the nose and the haircut. Jimmy Durante and Gary Moore with Suzanne Ellers, Roy Bary and his orchestra and yours truly, Howard Petrie. Brought to you by 10,000 Rexall drugstores who carry the complete line of top quality Rex all drug products. Ladies and gentlemen, next Thursday is Thanksgiving. A holiday started by the pilgrims who gave thanks when they landed on Plymouth Rock. But now we bring you a young man who would give thanks if he could just land an old Plymouth. And here he is, Gary Moore.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Thank you very much, my friends and good evening, ladies and gentlemen. May I wish you a very happy November 22nd. And. And before we do anything else tonight, we're going to hold the grand drawing for our annual turkey raffle. Of course, we all understand that if the person with the winning number is not in the audience tonight, the turkey automatically becomes mine. Now, I draw the number out of the hat and it is number 64709.

[B]

64709.

[D]

I got it. I got it.

[A]

6479. Well, well, better luck next. Now getting on with the program here, I.

[B]

Excuse me.

[A]

Hello?

[D]

Hey, Mr. Moore. It is true, isn't it, that on Thanksgiving day people eat turkey?

[A]

Why, of course.

[D]

I told you, you had it wrong, you crazy turkey. Let go of my leg.

[A]

You know how they are gonna have that telephone taken out of here? Last night I got a call at 3 o' clock in the morning and a voice said, Pardon me, what radio program are you listening to? I said, radio program, I'm sound asleep. She said, oh, the Durani Moore show, eh? Personally, I considered that very, very rude.

[B]

I did.

[D]

Well, Gary, it seems to me that nobody is as courteous nowadays as they used to be.

[A]

Why, Suzanne Ellis, bless your little Emily Post. And I agree with you too, Suzanne. You know, in the old days, if a gentleman was walking along with a lady and they came to a mud puddle right away, he'd take off the coat and spread it over the puddle. And after the lady walked across, she'd.

[B]

Say, thank you, Herman, but next time.

[A]

Let'S use your co. Beautiful, beautiful thing.

[D]

Gary, why don't you give the folks a few pointers on etiquette?

[A]

Well, let's take what we were just talking about here. Walking on the sidewalk. Now, when walking to a football game, the gentleman always walks two and a half paces behind his mother in law.

[C]

Why, two and a half faces in.

[A]

Football, that's the regulation distance for a place kick. And you know, Suzanne, ladies. Ladies can be pretty rude sometimes too. Especially when they keep people waiting on streetcars while they rummage through their purses.

[D]

Well, don't look at me, Gary. My purse is never crowded.

[A]

It is.

[C]

Man.

[A]

Let me peek into your purse here for a minute. A bag of marbles, an electric toaster, your boyfriend's picture, your boyfriend.

[B]

And my.

[A]

My goodness, Suzanne, what is this? Gee whis. You know, those helicopters can take off from any place, can't they? I hope maybe etiquette isn't too necessary anyway. But besides, here's the guy who proves my points. Jimmy D. Person.

[B]

You got to start off each day with a song. Now, even when things go wrong, you feel better. You even look better. I'm here to stop the music. Stop the music. My orchestration calls for a cow bell, not a cow. Now for my second number, I'll sing Mammy, Mammy. The sun shines east, the sun shines west. California sunshine, the only sunshine in the world. Guaranteed to shrink a shirt.

[A]

You are in fine voice tonight.

[B]

Thank you, Junior. And that was only on one tonsil, which I inherited from my Peter. Your. Your pater? Yeah, you know, my brother. Oh, your brother. Who did you think he was?

[D]

My old man?

[B]

But that is neither sand burr nor do for your edification, Junior. I just got back from Washington where I spent two days in secret session with the President.

[A]

Ooh, a crisis.

[B]

Yes, a critical crisis. We called in the Secretary of the Navy, the Secretary of War, the Army engineers, and the greatest scientific minds in the country. But it was no use. Even they couldn't figure out how to stop the leak in my swimming pool. Why, they poured more concrete in my pool than they got in Boulder. Down. James.

[A]

James. You mean. You mean Boulder Dam?

[B]

Watch your language. Mr. Moore. After all, this program is being short waved to pickets.

[A]

Jimmy, is that. Is that why you went down to Washington to discuss your swimming pool?

[B]

Not exactly. Mr. Truman had a few problems of his own. When I arrived, he was putting an oil burner in a basement, a wood burner in a kitchen, an electric heater in the bedroom and a gas heater in the bathroom.

[A]

Well, what's the idea of all that?

[B]

Harry is going to be warm this winter no matter what John L. Lewis does. But you know I wasn't. But you know I wasn't. I wasn't in Washington over five minutes when the president created a new cabinet post for me. He appointed me minister without portfolio.

[A]

Minister without portfolio?

[B]

Yeah. How do you like that? A big country like this and they can't even afford to buy me a briefcase. And then an important man like me has to carry his lunch in his back pocket.

[A]

I suppose as minister without portfolio, you have to handle some of the government's crucial problems.

[B]

That's right. For instance, last week the president of the Fruit Growers association complained to me that the climate of California is no good for growing bananas.

[A]

He said that the climate of California is no good for growing bananas?

[B]

Yeah. How could the guy look me in the face and say that? What does he think this is holding up my glasses? A kunk quack.

[A]

Wait a minute. I'll take it.

[B]

Jim.

[A]

Hello?

[B]

Hello?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, he's here. Who is it, please?

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, my goodness. Just a moment.

[B]

Your Worship.

[A]

Jimmy, the Duke of Windsor wishes to speak to you.

[B]

Does it sound like a touch? Never mind if it is. He's good for it. Give me the phone. Hello, Duke. I got everything arranged for your trip to Hollywood with the Duchess. What? Living quarters. Don't worry about it. I got you the bridal suite. That's right. At the Pismo Beach Motel. Is it a good place? Are you kidding? You get a towel each. Now, tell me your plans. What do you and the Duchess want to do when you get here? What? Oh, no. We have too many of those husband and wife programs already. What's that? Pip pip, cheerio. Thank you. A new Yorkshire pudding to you, too, Jimmy.

[A]

You're arranging the Hollywood trip for the Duke and Duchess of Windsor?

[B]

A logical choice. After all, Junior, on my last trip to England, you know, the continent.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I mingled with all kinds of royalty counts and their countesses, dukes and their duchesses and maquises and their maccassins.

[A]

No, no, Jim, not. Not moccasins.

[B]

Well, what is the right word?

[A]

Marchioness. You See le consort du marquis et un martioness. C' est la forme subjunctive, passe parsiple de la verbe plus perfect Et dans tout les mon c' estique et bien connoux.

[B]

How do you like that? Ask a guy a question and he joins the Foreign Legion. Tell me, Gary, where do you pick up these fascinating bits of useless trivia?

[A]

In the Encyclopedia Britannica? Jimmy, it's a wonderful book. Haven't you ever read it?

[C]

No.

[B]

I'm waiting for them to make a picture out of it. But, Junior, I got a million of them. But, Junior, wait till you see the banquet I'm planning for the duke and Duchess. 15 pheasants, 25 venisons, 30 grouse, 50 grouse and a gross of grease. Grease is the feminine of grass. Following that, a mongoose on the half shell. And as my piece de resistance, curry of Tootsie Roll. But there's one thing that worries me about the banquet. Junior, what do you do with the olive pits? Do you swallow them or do you hold them in your mouth until you get home?

[A]

Jim, there's only one thing to do with olive bits. You take them in your hand and when no one is looking, you quietly sneak them into the cuff of your trousers.

[B]

But suppose it's a formal affair and I'm wearing knickers. Wait a minute, Junior. I've got it. I know what I'll do. I'll hold the olive pitch in my right hand and when the Duke shakes hands with me to say good night. Yes, I let go.

[A]

Wait a minute, Jim, are you sure you're the right man for this job?

[B]

Don't worry about me, Junior. Why, I've mingled with nobility all my life. The last time I was in England, the King wanted to make me Knight of the Garter and the Queen wanted to make me Knight of the Bath. Naturally, I refused.

[A]

Jimmy, the King wanted to make you Knight of the Garter and the Queen wanted to make you Knight of the Bath. And you refused.

[B]

Yeah. I didn't mind putting on his garter. But a guy's gotta draw the line somewhere.

[D]

Now, you know that you can't go wrong.

[B]

Why, you can follow from this. You can always be sure it's your.

[D]

Annie and more when you hear a tremendous ovation and that applause means the time to pause for exile identification.

[C]

Rexall is the name of a complete line of top quality drug products. Yes, Rexall is the name of a complete line of fine drug products sold exclusively in your Rexall drugstores. There Is a Rexall drug product for every health need. For aspirin, take Rexall. For vitamins, Take Rexall For a mouthwash, take Rexall. Learn to insist upon Rexall for reliability. The name Rexall is your constant guarantee of safe, sure, pure drug products. The finest that science and pharmaceutical skill can produce. So remember to be safe, to be.

[D]

Sure that the product is cured. When you're buying a drug preparation take the clerk you test, Step right up and ask for exile identification.

[C]

Good health to all from Rexall.

[B]

Ladies and gentlemen, that was Howard Petrie, a man whom. Don't laugh, don't laugh. Remember, I'm reading from a carbon copy. Ladies and gentlemen, that was Howard Petrie. A man of whom we're very proud because of his famous uncle. We all know that Thomas Edison invented the electric light. But Mr. Petrie's uncle is the one who showed him how to turn it off.

[A]

Wait a minute, Jimmy. Can you prove that?

[B]

I sure can. Here's a picture of him right in front of the town cavern. And he's out like a light.

[A]

I've never been one to look down my nose at other people's inventions, Jim. But I should just like to call attention to one of my own ancestors. Casanova Moore. A man who invented a device that has since become the very backbone of our social civilization. It was my great, great, great, great grandfather who first invented the kiss. There's no sense in hanging around, madam. My uncle's been dead 200 years. So what?

[B]

No man is perfect. So your uncle invented a kiss. Aunt Junior. Well, tell us about it. Meanwhile, I shall bury my head in the razor's edge and listen. What a sharp mind.

[A]

Well, friends, my uncle, Casanova Moore. Was born in England in the year 1525. And up till that time, the kiss had never been thought of. In order to show their love, in those days. Couples engaged in a form of affection called dipple dipling.

[B]

Now.

[A]

Now to dipple dipe. A man put his arm around his girl. Gently stroked her lovely hair. Looked tenderly into her eyes. And slapped her in the face with a wet herring. Yes, every night my uncle's sweetheart Would raise her little face to his and say.

[D]

Oh, Casanova, before you leave me, Give me just one more dipple dive.

[A]

Very well, my dearest.

[D]

Oh, Casanova's a boneless kind. But somehow.

[A]

Somehow, the more Casanova dippledifed. The less it seemed like the fulfillment of love's young dream. So then and there, he determined to invent some new kind of embrace. And his first invention he called Schmoose. Crofting. Now, in schmooze crofting, the boy would comfort his girl's face with brushless shaving cream and blow bits of confetti at her. But this was no good. Every evening she would end up with her face looking like the floor of the Brown Derby on New Year's Eve. Then he tried another idea. And this he called Twack Noodling. Now, twack noodling. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? Was really the most daring idea of them all. The boy and girl would sit on the davenport, turn out the lights, and then whisper into each other's ears, arty Shaw. But the world, the world wasn't ready for Uncle Casanova's inventions. So to keep body and soul together, he took a temporary job in a local factory as a pickle taster. And after tasting pickles for three years, one day he turned to the girl at the next bench and said, come here a minute, Mabel.

[D]

What is it, cousin noble?

[A]

There's only one pickle left, and I want to get home to my experiments. Let's taste this last one together.

[D]

All right, you started one in, and I'll start at the other.

[A]

Little did Casanova suspect that his lifelong ambition was about to be realized. Faster and faster, they ate. Towards the center of the pickle. Their lips. Their lips came closer and closer until finally Casanova bit past his half.

[D]

And.

[A]

Climbing down from the chandelier, Casanova knew that this was what he'd been looking for. He had invented the kiss. So, bounding out of the pickle factory, he dashed down the street, kissing every girl he met up with. Are you sure you got the right party? Realizing, realizing that he was wasting his time with the little man, he decided to take his idea to the top. So he called on the King of England, Henry viii. Confronting him, he said, you, Majesty, you don't look well.

[B]

What's the trouble? I'm feeling mighty low.

[A]

Here. Casanova's chance. Quickly, he said, your Majesty, I have invented a thing called the kiss. Try it once on Anne Boleyn and see what it does to you. So Henry grabbed anvil in, puckered up and. Well, King Henry, how do you feel now?

[B]

Give me five minutes more.

[A]

Only five minutes more. And so, with King Henry VII's endorsement, the kiss took its rightful place in the English way of living. And I am proud to say that I have inherited my uncle's proficiency in the art. But just the other day, as I was walking down the street, a man looked at me, and I distinctly heard him say, boy, Get a loaded that kisser.

[B]

Thank you, Mr. Moore, for that erudite discussion of osculation. And now, ladies and gentlemen, going from the carbon copy to the one in bold type, our charming Chantu Suzanne Ellis. A little lady with pipes of solid gold. I should know. I got a plumber's cart. How are you, Susie?

[D]

How are you, Jimmy? And thank you for that lovely introduction. But when it comes to singing, I vow to the master. How do you get those mellow tones in your voice?

[B]

That's a Durani secret, Susie, but I'll let you in on us. Every morning I swab my throat with a concoction consisting of two parts. Cayenne pepper, a jigger of creosote, a dash of Kim tune and a pound and a half of grated garlic.

[D]

And does that make you sing?

[B]

After that, you gotta sing. If you don't open your mouth, you suffocate. Sing, Susie. Sing.

[D]

For you. For me Forevermore it's bound to be forevermore it's play to see we found by finding each other the love we waited for I'm your, your mind and in our hearts the happy ending star what a lovely world this world will be With a world of love in store for you for me forever more I'm your and in our hearts a happy ending star what a lovely world this world will be With a world of love in store for you.

[A]

For.

[D]

Me Forever more.

[C]

Yes, it's good help to all from Rexall.

[D]

Listen, for goodness sake, when you've a tummy ache, oh, oh, oh, oh. Deep in your solar plexus, you really should find out how good Dysrectopysmarex is. B I S M A R E.

[C]

X Rexo B Esmarex M that's right, friends. An acid stomach condition by any other name can feel just as uncomfortable. And whether you call it indigestion, dyspepsia or heartburn, you'll find the prompt relief you need as well as the prolonged relief you want with Rexall Bismorex. Because Rexall Bismorex contains not one, but four laboratory approved alkalizing antacids, one fast acting alkalizer and three slow acting alkalizers. That's why Rexall Bismorex not only relieves your discomfort promptly, but continues the acid neutralizing effect for a prolonged period. Just mix one or two teaspoonfuls in a glass of water and drink. It's a pure peppermint pleasure. Remember, only a Rexall drugstore can sell you.

[A]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, in accordance with Time honored custom, we present our special Thanksgiving opera as performed by that magnificent vocal group, the Durante and Moore G clef coffee claps and culture choir.

[B]

In this opera, ladies and gentlemen, I sing for two consecutive hours without taking a breath.

[A]

Oh, now, wait. How can you sing for two hours without taking a breath?

[B]

Storage tank in my nose.

[A]

Well, in any event, in this Thanksgiving Opera, friends, Mr. Durante will appear as Miles Standish, and I shall play the part of John Alden.

[B]

Ah, yes. He was the fellow who made all the speeches and ended up with nothing.

[A]

That's right. Sort of an early day Democrat.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

Now the. The part of the Republicans in Now the part of the lovely Priscilla will be played by our gal, Suzanne Ellers. And the special choral effects, as always, will be sung by our announcer, Mr. Howard Petrie.

[C]

Oh, James Melton would just hate me for this.

[B]

It's amazing the thing the rain washes down from the mountains.

[A]

Quiet, James. Maestro Boggy Overture for the opera.

[C]

Our opera tonight deals with one of the greatest love stories ever told. The story of Captain Miles Standish, John Alden and the lovely Priscilla. It's a peaceful day in the pilgrim village. But in the hearts of these three people, a fateful storm is brewing.

[B]

Oh, I'm the captain and my name is Standish. My manners are good, but my taste is outlandish. But in spite of my appearance, I'm a mighty big fella.

[A]

You can tell he's important by the size of his sm.

[B]

That's me.

[A]

That's him. That's me, that's him. And I'm John Alden. I'm Standish's pal. I'm the romantic target of every pilgrim gal. You can tell by my face. I'm an early day Sinatra.

[B]

Except for his hair cutting, that ain't so hot for us too.

[A]

Tis not.

[B]

Tis too. Tis not.

[D]

And I am the heroine. My name is Priscilla, you can tell by my figure. I'm a real killer dealer. I just passed 21 and that is a fact.

[A]

Just past 21.

[B]

She must have passed it coming back. Hot tub. Hot tub. Hot tub. Hot tub. Listen, John Alderson showing my pal. I'll tell you right now, I'm in love with that gal. Her skin is like a peach on.

[A]

That you can bet that's just like a peach. Sort of fuzzy and wet.

[B]

Tish not.

[A]

It is due, Tishna, it is due.

[B]

I loves the gal and here's what I'm gonna do. I'm leaving a proposion up to you.

[A]

You're leaving it to Me or aren't you taking a chance?

[B]

You double cross me, Budny will have to take you to the nearest hospital. Operate 40 times to remove the lead from your.

[D]

Oh, get her going.

[B]

Oh, get her going. Hot jaw. Hot jaw. Hot jaw. Hot job. Now, now there's an intelligent comment.

[C]

And so we find John Alden Moore in Priscilla's living room. As Miles Standish Durante listens through an open window.

[A]

Oh, Priscilla, Priscilla, my pretty little girl. I've come to your cabin for to speak of. Now I know that you're bashful and you're shy.

[D]

By a heck, who's bashful, bud? Come on, let's next.

[B]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What are you doing? He's getting hot and I'm standing here stewing.

[D]

Oh, speak for yourself, John. Don't be dull.

[B]

If he speaks for himself, I'll fracture his skull. Now wait.

[D]

Come on, John.

[A]

Now wait.

[D]

Come on, John.

[A]

Oh, Priscilla, Priscilla, my shy little elf. I'm a speaking of love. Yeah, but not for myself. Captain Miles Standish is the man for you.

[D]

Captain Standish.

[B]

How do you do, madam, Madam, I'm making my plea. I'm getting right down on my bended knee. I've got a sore fear making me mellow.

[A]

Oh, get up, Miles. You're kneeling in her jello.

[B]

There must be some place he could go to be alone. Now tell us, Priscilla, what's your decision? Would you rather be mine or would you rather be Hiss? I'm as strong as the wizard from.

[D]

The Land of Oz.

[A]

Yeah, but most of your strength has gone to your schnoz. I will not as to as nothing as to. On the other hand prissy. If you want to be shrewd, you'll marry me. Cuz I'm a Hollywood dude. I wear perfumes. It's like Hetty or Veronica.

[B]

It smells like low tide at Santa Monica. I'll bet he has fun just tying his laces.

[D]

I'll tell you boys, I love you like a mother. But I'm already giving my heart to another.

[B]

You're in love with another?

[A]

Who can it be?

[C]

Don't be silly.

[A]

She's marrying me.

[B]

Oh no.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[D]

Oh no.

[A]

Oh yes, she's marrying you. Can that be a fact?

[B]

Everybody wants to get into the act.

[A]

But you're not good looking and you've got no dough. What did you say that made her love you so? I said hot song, Hot song.

[D]

Hot song.

[B]

Hot song. Him and his big fat education.

[C]

This is Howard Petrie again with those Foremost Rexall reminders for the week. Remember Rexall Bismorex. Remember, Rexall is a complete line of top quality drug products for every health need. Remember Rexall drugs are sold only in a Rexall drugstore. Remember Rexall for reliability. That familiar oval sign, R E X A L L is the surest sign of top quality in drugs and drugstores.

[B]

Touche, Professor Pepe. And I'd like to add, I do my shopping at a Rexall store. What I want, they got. And furthermore, umbrella. He prefers them to. We buy Rexall. That's all.

[D]

How do you do.

[A]

That?

[B]

Ain't no picero.

[A]

What a nose. I know the finality, Mr. Duran.

[B]

Know the conclusion, Mr. Moore.

[A]

Yeah, Jim. I guess that just about wraps up the tinfoil on tonight's little package. Say, would you care to join me at Ciro's now in a little game of fumbling for the chance?

[B]

No, thanks, Junior. I've met my master. But if it's a little snack you want, come over to my house. Why, it's common gossip that I brew the best coffee in Beverly Hills.

[A]

You do, huh?

[B]

Oh, yes. I use only the tender center section of the be. Let me tell you the secret of coffee making, Junior. You know where the pike later starts to go. Plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop. Well, if you open the top at that point, you get it right in the eye. Everybody. Good night, Mrs. Halabash. Good night.

[C]

Well, Rex all for tonight, folks. So goodbye now for Suzanne Ellers, Roy Bary and his orchestra, yours truly, Howard.

[A]

Petri and Jimmy Durant and Gary Moore in person.

[C]

So until next Friday, same time, same Columbia station. Good health to all from Rexall. This program is produced and directed by Phil Cohan. This is CBS to Columbia Broadcasting System. And this is WCBS, New York, 10:00pm.

[A]

B U L O V A Boulevard.

[C]

Watch Time America runs on Boulevard Time.