Joan Davis Show 46-01-07 (19) Barbara Plays Trick

Summary

Detailed Summary of "Joan Davis Show 46-01-07 (19) Barbara Plays Trick"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Host/Author: Harolds Old Time Radio
• Episode: Joan Davis Show 46-01-07 (19) Barbara Plays Trick
• Release Date: February 28, 2025

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Introduction

The episode titled "Barbara Plays Trick" from the Joan Davis Show transports listeners back to the Golden Age of Radio, capturing the charm and humor that defined family radio entertainment before the advent of television. In this installment, Joan Davis, America's Queen of Comedy, navigates romantic entanglements and mischievous schemes orchestrated by Barbara Weatherby, all set against the backdrop of Swanville's social scene.

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Setting the Scene

The story unfolds in Swanville, USA, on January 7, 1946, during the grand opening of the local opera season at the town opera house (01:26). The citizens of Swanville are excitedly attending the gala, signaling the start of cultural festivities for the new year. Joan Davis, portrayed as a lovable and spirited character, shares a nostalgic moment at Downey's Tea Room, reminiscing about her youthful dreams of becoming an opera singer (01:53).

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Character Introductions and Dynamics

• Joan Davis: The central character, seeking attention and affection, especially from Andy Russell.
• Harry Bonsel: A charismatic figure expressing unrequited feelings for Joan.
• Barbara Weatherby: Joan's rival, vying for Andy Russell's attention and orchestrating schemes to outshine Joan.
• Andy Russell: The object of affection for both Joan and Barbara, a romantic singer with a captivating voice.
• Rosella Hipperton III: A secondary character providing additional context and interactions.

The interplay between Joan, Harry, and Barbara sets the stage for the ensuing comedic drama, highlighting themes of jealousy, rivalry, and romance.

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Main Plot Development

The Love Triangle

Early in the episode, Joan expresses her frustration over not getting attention compared to Lana Turner, lamenting 00:52:

Joan Davis: "Tell me, Harry, what have I got that she hasn't got?"

Harry attempts to console Joan, suggesting that she should forget about Andy and consider his feelings instead (04:02):

Harry Bonsel: "Listen, Joan, why don't you forget about Andy and think of me a little more? After all, you know how I feel about you."

However, Joan remains infatuated with Andy, setting the stage for Barbara Weatherby's entrance.

Barbara's Deceptive Scheme

Barbara Weatherby arrives with Andy, announcing their engagement to Joan in a manipulative twist (03:04):

Barbara Weatherby: "I am Joshua P. Weatherby."

Joan is blindsided, believing Barbara's claim of their engagement and feeling heartbroken (03:54).

The Trick Unfolds

Barbara cleverly tricks Joan into calling the Swanville Zoo, under the guise of the Lonely Hearts Club (07:09). Joan's naive request for a wolf resembling Andy Russell leads to a comical misunderstanding (07:51):

Joan Davis: "Hello, is this Swanville 2734?"

The revelation that Joan has been made a laughingstock at the zoo propels her determination to outsmart Barbara.

Joan's Counterattack

Determined to get even, Joan devises a plan to introduce her rival to Madeleine Duvall, a French opera star who is the object of her father Joshua P. Weatherby's affection (16:40). With the help of Harry and Rosella, Joan orchestrates a meeting that forces Barbara to confront her deceit (19:21).

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Resolution

The conflict culminates in a confrontation where Barbara's tricks are exposed (21:58). Joshua P. Weatherby denounces Barbara's behavior, demanding she leave Swanville and her relationship with Andy Russell (21:52):

Joshua P. Weatherby: "Barbara, you're to go home immediately. And you are not to speak to anyone or leave the house for an entire week."

With Barbara ousted, Joan celebrates the resolution of the love triangle, albeit humorously noting Andy's academic commitments (22:17):

Joan Davis: "Oh, boy, Andy. Now you can take me out every night this week."

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Notable Quotes

• Joan Davis passionately declares her feelings for Andy after being tricked by Barbara:

  "[09:19] Joan Davis: 'You get them in packs?'"

• Harry Bonsel offers a humorous yet cynical take on Barbara's schemes:

  "[15:10] Harry Bonsel: 'She deserves no mercy. Why should she enjoy Swan, that swell new white floating soap...'"

• Joshua P. Weatherby asserts authority in resolving the conflict:

  "[21:58] Joshua P. Weatherby: 'Barbara, you're to go home immediately. And you are not to speak to anyone or leave the house for an entire week.'"

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Insights and Conclusion

"Barbara Plays Trick" masterfully weaves comedy with romantic intrigue, showcasing Joan Davis's resilience and wit in the face of deception. The episode highlights the timeless themes of love, rivalry, and the pursuit of happiness, all delivered with the signature humor and charm that characterized the Golden Age of Radio. Through clever dialogue and engaging character interactions, the show not only entertains but also offers subtle commentary on social dynamics and personal integrity.

Listeners unfamiliar with the episode will find themselves captivated by the humorous escapades of Joan Davis and her colorful cast of characters, making "Barbara Plays Trick" a standout installment in Harold's Old Time Radio collection.

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Timestamps Reference

<a id="timestamp-00:52"></a>[00:52]
<a id="timestamp-01:26"></a>[01:26]
<a id="timestamp-01:53"></a>[01:53]
<a id="timestamp-03:04"></a>[03:04]
<a id="timestamp-03:54"></a>[03:54]
<a id="timestamp-04:02"></a>[04:02]
<a id="timestamp-07:09"></a>[07:09]
<a id="timestamp-07:51"></a>[07:51]
<a id="timestamp-16:40"></a>[16:40]
<a id="timestamp-19:21"></a>[19:21]
<a id="timestamp-21:52"></a>[21:52]
<a id="timestamp-21:58"></a>[21:58]
<a id="timestamp-22:17"></a>[22:17]

Transcript

[Harry Bonsel]

Poor Joan ain't got nobody she's nobody, sweetheart.

[Joan Davis]

Now.

[Harry Bonsel]

Featuring the romantic singing of Andy Russell, with a great comedy cast, including Verna Felton, Shirley Mitchell. The music of Paul Weston and his orchestra, and yours, Swansea Lee, Harry Bonsell and. And here's the star of our show, America's Queen of Comedy, Joan Davis. Oh, no.

[Serenus]

No, please.

[Harry Bonsel]

Oh, Joan. Now, Joan, come over here. Now, stop plumping up the holes in that piccolo. The piccolo player will blow his brains out. Now, stop it. Now, Joan, come over here, will you? Listen, Joan, I want to talk to you.

[Joan Davis]

What do you want, Harry?

[Harry Bonsel]

Well, Joan, listen, I just wanted to tell you that I saw you at Ciro's the other night, but you. You didn't seem to be having a very good time.

[Joan Davis]

Well, I wasn't, Harry. All the men were making a terrific fuss over Lana Turner and nobody paid any attention to me. Tell me, Harry, what have I got that she hasn't got?

[Harry Bonsel]

Well, Joan, you mean, what has she got that you haven't got? You've got it backwards.

[Joan Davis]

Well, maybe that's what's wrong. I got it backwards.

[Narrator]

Swanville, USA January 7, 1946. Tonight. Tonight, as the first cultural activity of the new year, the citizens of Swanville flock to the town opera house for the gala opening of the local opera season. The stage boxes reveal the answer to who's who in Swanville. But if you're looking for the answer to what's that in Swanville, you'll find her in.

[Joan Davis]

Downey's Tea Room. Joan Davis Speaking. Oh, hello, Mrs. Alabo. Yeah, I know the opera opened tonight. I wish I could have gone. You know, when I was a young girl, I wanted to be an opera singer. I had a pretty good voice, too. I was able to hit high C. Why, once I even hit high E above high C. How did I do it? I was taking a shower and I backed into the hot water pipe.

[Harry Bonsel]

Say, Joanie.

[Joan Davis]

Yeah?

[Harry Bonsel]

Is Andy Russell coming back to the tea room after the opera tonight?

[Joan Davis]

Well, I think so, Harry. Gee, I was hoping Andy would take me instead of Barbara Weatherby. I gotta have a showdown with that girl.

[Harry Bonsel]

Oh, well, now, stop kidding yourself, Joan. She'll never give him up.

[Joan Davis]

Yeah, but maybe we can compromise and share Andy's company. 50. 50.

[Narrator]

50.

[Harry Bonsel]

50.

[Joan Davis]

Yeah, when I'm 50, she can have them. Hey, wait a minute. I'm getting the worst of that.

[Harry Bonsel]

Listen, Joan, why don't you forget about Andy and think of me a little more? After all, you know how I feel about you.

[Joan Davis]

How?

[Harry Bonsel]

Well, I'm a man and you're a woman.

[Joan Davis]

Oh, Harry, stop imagining things. But no matter what you say, I just can't forget about Andy.

[Harry Bonsel]

All right. Well, here's your showdown. Barbara's limousine just pulled up in front of the tea room and she and Andy are getting out.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Hello, everybody.

[Harry Bonsel]

Hello, Miss Weatherby. Hi, Andy. Have a good time?

[Andy Russell]

Oh, yes, it was wonderful.

[Joan Davis]

What opera did you see, Babs?

[Barbara Weatherby]

Tristan and Isolde.

[Joan Davis]

Oh, a double feature, huh?

[Barbara Weatherby]

Ms. Davis, is there no limit to your stupidity? Oh, Mr. Vonzel, it's too bad you had to miss the opera. It was simply breathtaking. Especially the Leibestote. Oh, Andy, will you ever forget that lovely strain Milton? Liza Vla Peltavida Saga Holder.

[Joan Davis]

Hey, Bams, when does your trial come up in Nuremberg?

[Andy Russell]

Well, I'd better get back to the kitchen and get some work done.

[Harry Bonsel]

See you later, Barbara. Hey, Joan, now that Andy's gone, I think this is a very good time to discuss that little matter with Ms. Weatherby.

[Barbara Weatherby]

What little matter?

[Joan Davis]

Well, Babs, we're both in love with the same person and something's gotta be done about it. So let me ask you a question. How would you feel about giving up Andy?

[Barbara Weatherby]

Well, let me ask you the same question. How would you feel about giving up Andy?

[Joan Davis]

Let me ask you another question. How would Amos feel about giving up Andy?

[Harry Bonsel]

Hey, girls, I hate to interfere in this, but I think the person to be considered first is Andy. I know because I was once in a similar position.

[Joan Davis]

You were?

[Harry Bonsel]

Yes. I was a young man, unattached and two very beautiful women were constantly fighting over me.

[Barbara Weatherby]

For your love?

[Harry Bonsel]

No, for my Cay Kaswan.

[Joan Davis]

Well, well.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Harry Von Zelle. The Swan Don Juan.

[Harry Bonsel]

Well, no, really. It's true, Ms. Weatherby. Very true. And it's also true, you know, that Swan is the new white floating soap. That's four swell soaps in one. It's so mild, it's great for Baby and for you. And Swan's so hard working too. It's a natural for dishes and light laundry.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Oh, really, Mr. Von Zeld, you shouldn't treat this problem of ours with such flippancy.

[Harry Bonsel]

No flippancy. Well, just break Swan and two and we'll flip and see who gets which half. Oh, don't you encourage me, Ms. Mother Beer. I'll do it again. But it's really true, you know. And we'll both be happy then. Because when you break Swan and two, you'll have two generous cakes of soap. One for the kitchen and one for the bath. Swan, for every soap and water job in the house. And boy, what a soap it is. Well, I hope I've helped you with your problem, Miss Weatherby.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Well, not quite, Mr. Bonsel.

[Harry Bonsel]

No.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Now, regarding Andy. Miss Davis, are you willing to face the issue?

[Joan Davis]

I am. Issue?

[Barbara Weatherby]

Please, Ms. Davis. Now I can offer Andy, well, the career, social position. What can you offer him?

[Joan Davis]

A year subscription to the Hobo News. They got funnies in there.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Ms. Davis, stop postponing the inevitable and declare yourself. Are you going to give Andy up or are you not?

[Joan Davis]

I are not. Issue.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Very well. Then I am forced to tell you Andy and I are engaged to be married.

[Joan Davis]

Married? Why didn't Andy tell me about this?

[Barbara Weatherby]

Well, we had promised to keep it a secret until Pater made the official announcement to the newspapers. There, Ms. Davis, now you know.

[Joan Davis]

Oh, gee, then it's true. Andy's gone out of my life forever.

[Rosella Hipperton III]

Yeah.

[Harry Bonsel]

Well, Joanie, I guess I'm the only man you've got left now.

[Joan Davis]

Oh, Harry, don't rub it in. Gee, where will I ever find another man like Andy Russell? A man with the voice of a bird, the strength of a lion and the heart of a wolf.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Well, Ms. Davis, have you tried Swanville 2734?

[Joan Davis]

What's that? The Lonely Hearts Club.

[Barbara Weatherby]

The Lonely Hearts Club?

[Joan Davis]

Why of course.

[Barbara Weatherby]

The Lonely Hearts Club. How did you guess? Swanville 2734. Call it sometime, Ms. Davis.

[Joan Davis]

Toodaloo.

[Barbara Weatherby]

You can drive me home now.

[Joan Davis]

Robert.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Oh, Robert, I just played the most wonderful trick on Ms. Davis. I told her to telephone Swanville 2734. She thinks it's the Lonely Hearts Club, but it's really the Swanville Zoo. Of course, no normal person would call, but I can just picture Ms. Davis picking up the phone and saying, Operator.

[Joan Davis]

Get me Swanville 2734.

[Zoo Keeper]

Hello?

[Joan Davis]

Hello, is this Swanville 2734?

[Zoo Keeper]

Yes, it is.

[Joan Davis]

Are you the man in charge?

[Zoo Keeper]

Yes, I am.

[Joan Davis]

What was that?

[Zoo Keeper]

One of our wolves. We just got a new pack in today.

[Joan Davis]

You get them in packs?

[Zoo Keeper]

Yeah.

[Joan Davis]

That's really big business, ain't it? Have you got any good looking ones?

[Zoo Keeper]

Well, you know sister, one wolf looks just like another. Some are red, some are white, some are gray.

[Joan Davis]

No, I don't want any of those old gray haired ones. Have you got a young tender one that looks like Andy Russell?

[Zoo Keeper]

Look sister, stop the kitten, will you? I'm busy. I gotta feed them now.

[Joan Davis]

Feed em? Can't they eat by themselves?

[Zoo Keeper]

No, they're much too wild for that.

[Joan Davis]

Wow. Well, what do you feed them? Raw meat, of course. Say, how long has this been going on, when can I come out and see em?

[Zoo Keeper]

It's too late tonight, Sister. They're all in the cages.

[Joan Davis]

Cages? Hey, wait a minute. Is this the Swanville Lonely Hearts Club?

[Zoo Keeper]

Lonely Hearts Club? Sister, this is the Swanville Zoo.

[Barbara Weatherby]

The zoo.

[Joan Davis]

Ew.

[Harry Bonsel]

What's the matter, Joan?

[Joan Davis]

Well, how do you like that Barbara Weatherby deliberately tricking me into calling up the zoo.

[Harry Bonsel]

The zoo?

[Joan Davis]

Yeah, the zoo. Zoo. Z U Z U Z Zuzu. What a dirty trick. That's what she does to me after she breaks the news to me that she's engaged to marry Andy Russell.

[Andy Russell]

Who's engaged to marry Andy Russell?

[Joan Davis]

Barbara Wither. Oh, it's a secret, Andy. I promise not to tell anybody.

[Andy Russell]

Well, you'd better let me in on it because I know nothing about any engagement.

[Joan Davis]

You mean you're not engaged to Mary? Barbara, you're not leaving me?

[Andy Russell]

Of course not.

[Joan Davis]

Oh, Andy, you make me so happy. And now there's one question I want to ask you. Yes, that's the answer. Wait til I ask the question.

[Andy Russell]

All right, all right. Then what's the question?

[Joan Davis]

Will you sing to me?

[Andy Russell]

Well, here's your answer.

[Joan Davis]

I fooled you, didn't I?

[Rosella Hipperton III]

As long as I live, you'll always be part of me. You'll live in the heart of me as long as I live. As long as I love I'll share it with you my own and want to be loved by you. How sure am I of all the things I say? As sure as nothing I will fall at close the day that I need. So answer this love I give and whisper I'm yours as long as I live. So sure am I of all the things I say. Yes, you. So answer this love I give and whisper I'm yours as long as I live.

[Joan Davis]

Oh, gee, that was beautiful, Andy. I feel much better now. But I'm still gonna get even with that Barbara Weatherby if it's the last thing I do.

[Mrs. Hipperton]

Boy, I'll think of Miss Davis.

[Harry Bonsel]

It's Rosella Hipperton III.

[Joan Davis]

Hi, hippie.

[Mrs. Hipperton]

Hello, Miss Davis. And Mr. Russell and.

[Serenus]

And Mr.

[Joan Davis]

Von Zelle. Hello.

[Harry Bonsel]

Hello. Were you at the opera this evening, Rosella?

[Mrs. Hipperton]

Oh, yes. I was in seventh heaven because they sang Tristan and Isolde.

[Andy Russell]

Is that your favorite, Mrs. Hipperton?

[Barbara Weatherby]

Oh, yes.

[Mrs. Hipperton]

I just love the part that goes Milton Lies of the early child Vita shot oofnet.

[Joan Davis]

Well, it's pretty, but it'll never replace chickery chick.

[Mrs. Hipperton]

Mr. Barnesel, what's the matter with Ms. Davis tonight?

[Harry Bonsel]

Well, Barbara Weatherby played a very dirty trick on her. Rosella. She Had Joan call the zoo and told her it was the Lonely Hearts Club.

[Mrs. Hipperton]

That old chestnut? Why, we stopped playing that when I was a girl, fully 10 years ago.

[Joan Davis]

10 years since you were a girl? Yeah.

[Mrs. Hipperton]

My, how time flies.

[Joan Davis]

That ain't flying. That's jet propulsion.

[Mrs. Hipperton]

Well, now, listen. I can understand Barbara Weatherby playing a trick like that. At times she can be very malicious. Why, once she even stood in the way of her father remarrying.

[Harry Bonsel]

She did?

[Mrs. Hipperton]

Some years ago, Mr. Wetherby became infatuated with the French opera singer Madeleine Duval.

[Andy Russell]

Madeline Duval?

[Joan Davis]

Madeleine Duvall? Yes. Who is she?

[Andy Russell]

Why. Why, she sang the lead in the opera tonight.

[Harry Bonsel]

Who?

[Mrs. Hipperton]

Madeline Duvall.

[Joan Davis]

Madeleine Duvall?

[Mrs. Hipperton]

Yes.

[Joan Davis]

Never heard of her.

[Mrs. Hipperton]

Well, it's the same girl anyway. Anyhow, for years, Mr. Wetherby has been dying to meet her.

[Joan Davis]

Who, Marilyn Duvall? Yes.

[Mrs. Hipperton]

But Barbara always stood in the way. She resents any woman who might possibly marry her father.

[Joan Davis]

Oh, she does, huh? Say, I got an idea how I can get even. I'm gonna.

[Harry Bonsel]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait just a minute, Joan. Listen, if you really want to get even with Barbara, I'll tell you how to play the dirtiest trick of all.

[Joan Davis]

You mean, take the air out of her tires?

[Harry Bonsel]

Take away her cake of swan?

[Joan Davis]

Oh, no.

[Harry Bonsel]

She deserves no mercy. Why should she enjoy Swan, that swell new white floating soap that's pure as fine castiles. That soap that's so mild too. So mild that doctors recommend swan for even a baby's tender skin. And if it's good for baby, it's good for your hands and face, your tub or shower. Yes, Joan, that's what you should do. Take away your cake of swan.

[Mrs. Hipperton]

Oh, Mr. Bonsel, you couldn't be that cruel.

[Harry Bonsel]

Oh, couldn't I, though? I'd take away her cake of swan. And as I stealthily creep into the dark shadows I'd remind her that Swan is so gentle and so hard working too. I'd make her watch the way Swan goes into a lather cleaning up a stack of dishes. She'll be forced to do without those suds that stand up and do a job. And then I'll softly whisper, be sure to use swan. Ah, but what'll happen? Barbara Weatherby won't have any swan and she'll have to suffer. Suffer, do you hear me? Suffer.

[Joan Davis]

Harry, you keep that up, and the first thing you know it, you'll have your footprints and Grandma's child mean. Oh. Anyhow, my way of getting even with Barbara Weatherby is much better.

[Andy Russell]

What are you gonna do, Ms. Davis?

[Joan Davis]

You'll see, Andy. Say, Hippie, did you say that Mr. Wetherby has never met this opera star, Madeline Duvall?

[Mrs. Hipperton]

Who's she?

[Joan Davis]

Why?

[Mrs. Hipperton]

Oh, that's right, that's right. He always worshiped her from afar.

[Joan Davis]

Oh boy, I'm sure my idea will work. Now if I could only get hold of a heavy veil somewhere. But gosh, all the stores are closed now.

[Mrs. Hipperton]

Well, I have a lovely black veil at home, Ms. Davis, if you could get someone to go with me and bring it back. Will you go, Harry?

[Harry Bonsel]

Oh, well, really, Rosella, I still have some work to finish here. Oh, hey Joan, here comes your brother in law. Serenas, how about sending him a good idea?

[Joan Davis]

Hello, Serenus.

[Serenus]

Hello, Joanie. Glad to see me?

[Joan Davis]

Well, I certainly am. Look, Serenas, I want you to go with Mrs. Hipperton.

[Serenus]

You mean steady?

[Joan Davis]

No, of course not. I just want you to run an errand.

[Serenus]

Can I walk? I'm tired. I've been working.

[Joan Davis]

Working? Yeah.

[Serenus]

You want to know where?

[Joan Davis]

Certainly.

[Serenus]

Well, ask me. Go ahead and ask me.

[Joan Davis]

All right. Where you been working?

[Serenus]

At the opera house. In the second act I carried a spear.

[Harry Bonsel]

No, Serena, you really carried a spear. How did you manage to stay awake?

[Serenus]

The man in back of me carried a spear too.

[Harry Bonsel]

Oh, I get the point.

[Serenus]

So, Nina.

[Joan Davis]

Well, never mind. Apsarinas. Say, Hippie, before you go, can you tell me anything more about Madeleine Duvall?

[Mrs. Hipperton]

Only that she has a decided French accent.

[Joan Davis]

French accent?

[Mrs. Hipperton]

Oh boy. Ooh la la.

[Joan Davis]

Serena, you go with Mrs. Hipperthen and get her black veil. Oh, I'll get even with Bara Weatherby. Now hand me that telephone. Harry.

[Harry Bonsel]

Joan, you mean you're going to try to fool Mr. Wetherby into thinking that you're.

[Joan Davis]

Yeah, exactly. Tonight, Joshua P. Weatherby finally meets Madeline. Duv.

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

Where is she? Where is she?

[Harry Bonsel]

Well, Mr. Wetherby, you're all excited. Whom did you expect to see a.

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

Lady in a black veil? She phoned me to meet her here.

[Andy Russell]

Oh, she's over in the cornered booth, Mr. Wetherby.

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

Oh, thank you, Mr. Russell. Oh, at last I meet you, the beautiful Mademoiselle Duval.

[Joan Davis]

Mercy Messie. You. And you are?

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

I am Joshua P. Weatherby.

[Joan Davis]

Washa P. Jezebe.

[Andy Russell]

No, no, no.

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

Weatherby.

[Joan Davis]

Oh, pardon. I have not been long enough in America.

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

Oh, well, je pale Francais Trebien.

[Joan Davis]

You speak French?

[Serenus]

Oui.

[Joan Davis]

Oh, pardon. I have not been long enough in France either. Monsieur Veserby, could we have some tea?

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

Oh, Madeleine, forgive my thoughtlessness. Garcon, Garcon.

[Joan Davis]

What are you yelling for? Claudesy. Waiter.

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

Waiter. Waiter. Some tea.

[Andy Russell]

Pour la femme.

[Joan Davis]

Just tea for me. Don't pour any la femme in. Gets all over me. It's a mess.

[Andy Russell]

Yes, mademoiselle. Here you are.

[Joan Davis]

Mercy. Oh, that waiter is very handsome.

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

Oh, Madeline, please, please don't look at any other man. I'm so jealous. And I've waited so many years to ask you this question.

[Harry Bonsel]

Will you.

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

Will you marry me?

[Joan Davis]

Marry? With you? But you have a daughter. No. Oui, oui. I had nothing to do with her. But anyhow, before I marry with you, you must send her away and she must never return here again. Never? Never.

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

Never.

[Joan Davis]

No, never.

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

Well, Rita, Madeleine? If you insist.

[Barbara Weatherby]

They told me at home.

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

Barbara, dear.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Yes, Peter?

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

I would like you to meet Mademoiselle Duval, your future mother.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Well, I'm very pleased. My future mother?

[Joan Davis]

Oui. But we will not see much of you, Barbara, dear. We are sending you away, never to return. Never? Never. No, never. Nobody speaks ze French in Swansburg.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Ada, this woman's speaking the truth.

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

Well, Barbara, you may as well know this. I love Mademoiselle Duval. And if she insists that you leave Swanville, you leave Swanville.

[Joan Davis]

Leave Swanville? Oui.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Leave my home?

[Joan Davis]

Oui.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Leave Andy Russell.

[Joan Davis]

Oui, oui, oui, oui, oui. Or as we say in my country, scremme vous. It's the road.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Just a moment. What kind of flower French is that?

[Joan Davis]

Free French.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Would you mind removing your veil, Mademoiselle Duval?

[Joan Davis]

Remove the veil in front of your father? Never. I mean, never.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Well, then I'll remove it for you.

[Joan Davis]

Peek a boo.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Just as I thought.

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

Why, it's Ms. Davis.

[Barbara Weatherby]

So, Ms. Davis, this is your idea of a joke?

[Joan Davis]

Well, it's no worse than calling the zoo.

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

Calling the zoo? What's this all about?

[Andy Russell]

I can explain that, Mr. Wetherby. Barbara tricked Ms. Davis into calling the Swanville Zoo and making a laughing stock of herself.

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

Is this true?

[Harry Bonsel]

It certainly is. And she also deliberately lied to Joan and tried to make her believe that she and Andy were engaged to be married. Isn't that true, Miss Weatherby?

[Barbara Weatherby]

I have nothing to say.

[Joshua P. Weatherby]

Well, I have. Barbara, you're to go home immediately. And you are not to speak to anyone or leave the house for an entire week.

[Joan Davis]

Oh, goody, goody. Oh, boy, Andy. Now you can take me out every night this week.

[Andy Russell]

Gee, Ms. Davis, I'd like to, but every night this week I have to study for midterm examinations at the university.

[Joan Davis]

Well, that's Andy for you. He wants to do everything the hard way.

[Harry Bonsel]

What do you mean Joan?

[Joan Davis]

Well, I offer him an education, and he wants to go to college together.

[Harry Bonsel]

Joan Davis will be back in just a moment. And that gives me just time to tell you that once again, this year, the Swan soap people are making their famous free baby soap offer. Yes, sir. Every baby born during 1946 can get a free cake of Swan soap. Get the details from your grocer or druggist. And let's start all of those 1946 babies on Swan, the grandest floating soap in the world. Yes, Swan is the new white floating soap that's actually pure as fine castile. So don't forget, folks, there's a free cake of Swan waiting for every baby born in 1946. And now, here's Joanie again. Say, Joan, what's happening in Swanville next week?

[Joan Davis]

Oh, we're going to be very busy because I'm completely redecorating the tea room. But right now I've got a more immediate date to talk about. Bob Hope invited me to visit his program this week.

[Harry Bonsel]

Yeah? When did you see Bob Hope?

[Joan Davis]

I went over to his house yesterday. You know, he lives in a very unusual house. It's shaped like a tube of toothpaste.

[Harry Bonsel]

Really?

[Joan Davis]

Yeah. Instead of going in through a front door, you have to unscrew a cap and crawl in.

[Harry Bonsel]

Oh, no.

[Joan Davis]

Oh, yes. And when I was ready to leave, they squeezed the back porch and squirted me out into the street.

[Barbara Weatherby]

Oh, no.

[Joan Davis]

Oh, yeah. I left on a stream of irium. See you tomorrow, Bob. Good night, folks.

[Harry Bonsel]

The Joan Davis show, presented by Schwann Soap, is produced and directed by Dick Mack and is written by Jay Summers, Jack Harvey and Cy Wills. Now, here's a financial tip for all of you to take advantage of. During 1946, the wisest and safest way to ensure your own future and a healthy, prosperous America is the regularly planned purchase of United States Savings Bonds. They are the ideal peacetime investors. This is cbs, the Columbia Broadcasting System.

[Joan Davis]

RA.