Joe And Mabel 1941-03-02 Joe Writes A Poem

Summary

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Joe and Mabel (1941-03-02): "Joe Writes a Poem"

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Date: November 15, 2025
Original Airdate: March 2, 1941
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio

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Episode Overview

This delightful episode of Joe and Mabel takes listeners back to St. Valentine’s Day in the 1940s, following the comic misadventures of cabbie Joe and his spirited girlfriend Mabel. The central plot revolves around Joe’s attempt to make amends for forgetting Valentine’s Day by writing Mabel a poem, spurred on by his pal Mike’s questionable advice. What should be a sweet gesture turns into a series of misunderstandings involving love letters, romantic rivalries, and one very enterprising kid brother.

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Key Discussion Points & Story Breakdown

St. Valentine’s Day Trouble (00:50–04:38)

• Joe introduces the challenge of navigating women and holidays, especially Valentine’s Day.
  • “Like I'm telling you, it ain't easy to beat the races...but when it comes to women, there ain't even any odds.” (00:54)
• Joe learns—too late—that Valentine’s Day was last week, prompting panic as he realizes he didn’t get Mabel anything.
• Mike claims buying gifts is overrated and suggests poetry is the true way to a woman’s heart.

The Valentine’s Day Poem Scheme (04:38–08:11)

• Mike recounts his own (possibly exaggerated) poetic success:
  • “I write her a poem...Next day, she calls me up and I’m at her house, eating dinner just like that.” (04:24)
• Inspired (or desperate), Joe and Mike collaborate on a poem for Mabel:
  • Notably, they struggle to rhyme “Mabel” (“table,” “sable”) and eventually come up with:
    • “I cannot buy you no jewels or sables, but all the same I think you're swell, Mabel. So I am sending you this little rhyme, to ask—will you be my Valentine? Will you be mine, my Valentine?” (08:21)

An Unexpected Consequence: Mystery and Blackmail (08:12–17:00)

• Mabel’s kid brother Sherman interrupts, begging for two bits and hinting at his knowledge of the poem.
• After mailing the anonymous poem, Joe visits Mabel. She is distant and introspective, leading Joe to worry.
• At the movies, Mabel draws a parallel between film romance and her own romantic mystery, believing her secret poem is a marriage proposal from someone in love with her:
  • “It’s just like in the movies… Will you be mine? That’s what the man said in the picture, and what does it mean? It’s just like you say, let’s get married. Only more refined.” (14:29)

The Blackmail Escalates (17:00–21:40)

• Sherman tries to blackmail Joe, threatening to reveal that he wrote the poem unless he’s paid:
  • “Do I get the two bits or do I tell Mabel it was you who writ them poems?” (17:13)
• Tension grows between Joe and Mabel, who drifts further away in favor of her mysterious, poetic admirer.
• Joe laments:
  • “I’m waiting around for her dream sweetheart to claim his bride…” (15:52)

Seeking Advice, Complicating Solutions (21:40–24:20)

• Joe and Mike consult the advice column “Love Advice by Miss Sally Dare,” which suggests writing a second poem to retract the proposal.
• Mike suggests another scheme—have Dolly (his own romantic interest) pose as another recipient of an identical love poem, revealing the “proposal” was just a prank or mistake.

The Restaurant Confrontation & Resolution (24:20–28:18)

• Joe arranges a meeting with Dolly and Mabel; tempers flare as Mabel suspects Dolly is after Joe.
  • Mabel: “You know Joey for a long time?” (25:50)
  • Dolly: “I could get to know him better, if you know what I mean.” (25:55)
  • Mabel responds with jealousy, and Dolly storms off.
• In the heat of the argument, Mabel reveals her jealousy and her true feelings for Joe.
  • “It ain’t my fault if I like you.” (27:05)
  • Joe: “What about that guy who you say is gonna marry you?”
  • Mabel: “Oh, that. I was only teasing you, Joey.” (27:21)
• Joe gives Mabel a belated, yet traditional, Valentine’s Day gift: silk stockings, which delights her.
  • “Gee, Joey, that’s the nicest present you can get a girl.” (28:08)
• Joe concludes his lesson:
  • “Some girls, poems, maybe are all right, but with Mabel...Stockings is safe all around.” (28:18)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |-----------|-------|---------| | 00:54 | “Like I'm telling you, it ain't easy to beat the races...but when it comes to women, there ain't even any odds.” | Joe | | 04:24 | “I write her a poem. None of this printed stuff they got. I write it myself. The next day, she calls me up and I'm at her house.” | Mike | | 08:21 | (Joe reads the finished poem) “I cannot buy you no jewels or sables, but all the same I think you're swell, Mabel. So I am sending you this little rhyme to ask—will you be my Valentine? Will you be mine, my Valentine?” | Joe | | 14:29 | “Will you be mine? That's what the man said in the picture…It's just like you say, let's get married. Only more refined.” | Mabel | | 17:13 | “Do I get the two bits or do I tell Mabel it was you who writ them poems?” | Sherman | | 28:08 | “Gee, Joey, that’s the nicest present you can get a girl.” | Mabel | | 28:18 | “Some girls, poems, maybe are all right, but with Mabel...Stockings is safe all around.” | Joe |

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Key Timestamps for Segments

• Intro & Set-Up: 00:50 – 04:38
• Poetry Brainstorm: 04:38 – 08:11
• Poem Sent & Mabel’s Reaction: 08:11 – 14:11
• Sherman's Blackmail: 17:00 – 18:05; 21:00 – 21:57
• Advice Column Segment: 21:40 – 24:20
• Restaurant Showdown: 24:20 – 28:08
• Resolution & Wrap-Up: 28:08 – 28:18

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Episode Tone & Style

The episode is marked by rapid-fire, urban, working-class banter, gentle teasing, and classic radio-era hijinks. The humor derives from misunderstandings, wordplay, and the earnest but often clueless efforts of Joe and his friends.

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Summary Takeaway

In this charming look at love and confusion circa 1941, Joe’s misguided attempts at romance land him in hot water, thanks to a poem that gets lost in translation. Ultimately, honest gifts and innocent jealousy win the day, reminding listeners that sometimes, the tried-and-true gestures are best—and that a good pair of silk stockings can solve more problems than a poem ever could.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

It's time to meet Joe and Mabel again, those very human beings. Irving Gaynor Nyman brings you another story in the far from placid lives of Joel Aquasius cabbie and his spirited girlfriend. And throws in for good measure another glimpse of Sherman, Mabel's kid brother. And of course, Joe's stalwart cabby friend, Mike. Well, today we have a look at what happened on St. Valentine's Day. Wait a minute. Here's Joe to tell you all about it. Well, like I'm telling you, it ain't easy to beat the races, even if it sometimes happens. But when it comes to women, there ain't even any odds. You just can't do it. Now, take around Valentine's Day, you figure everything should be like. Like milk and honey. But like I'm gonna show you, it don't all the time work out that way. Well, all this starts about two weeks ago. You see, we're standing around the cab, Mike and me and a couple of the other fellows.

[C]

They don't bother me none. I can take them or leave them.

[B]

Yeah, who's that?

[C]

Mike? Who do you think? The women I'm talking about, if you know how to handle them right, he ain't in trouble.

[B]

Oh, all of a sudden you're an exploit, is that it? Why don't you tell him about that time with that redhead over in Flatwood?

[C]

What about her? You mean Dolly?

[B]

Yeah, that's the one. Dolly. Listen, fell little kid, Mike's over at Dolly's house this time, see, he's sitting with her in the park.

[C]

All right, all right. You don't have to shoot off your big mouth at the whole world, do you? I ain't saying I'm right all the time.

[B]

You're telling me.

[C]

All right, Wise, I How'd you like to know I'm back shadowed in Flatbush? Even after what happened? Yeah.

[B]

What are you giving me, bedtime story? Look, I bet you're even afraid to go across the Williamsburg Bridge. I gotta tell you this. Will you bust laughing? Mike's out in Flatbush?

[C]

Steve, I tell you, I got it all that fixed now so you don't have to make up no stories.

[B]

You gotta show me. Mike. How'd you do it? Did you buy her a diamond? Terrarism. Yeah.

[C]

That shows what? You know. Julie and all that stuff is all right. But if you want to really get in solid, I got the only way. And it's cheaper, too.

[B]

Yeah? What's that?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, I'll show you. What I done last week is Valentine's Day.

[D]

See?

[C]

So instead of going out and.

[B]

What did you say?

[C]

I says, instead of me going out.

[B]

And fighting, I know about Valentine's Day. When is it going to be? Valentine's Day?

[C]

It ain't going to be. It was last week. On Wednesday it was.

[B]

Oh, last week. You kidding me? Something.

[C]

Listen, you want to hear this or don't you? Sure. Last week. Look on the calendar.

[B]

Oh, I'm a dead pigeon. How come I ain't got a chance.

[C]

What's the matter?

[B]

Mabel is what's the matter. Mabel. I didn't get enough for Valentine's Day. So I might as well cut my own throat right now because I'm cooked but good.

[C]

You ain't kidding with the women. Valentine's Day is a bigger holiday even than Christmas.

[B]

Almost. Almost? But, Mabel, it's like Christmas, the 4th of July and Washington's birthday all put together. Are you sure it's last week?

[C]

Sure, I'm sure. I know because that's when I fixed this thing up with Dolly and Flatbush.

[B]

Every year I get something. A couple pairs of silk stockings, a pair of gloves, something like that.

[C]

Listen, why don't you do the same like I done with Dolly?

[B]

What do you mean? To fix it up with Mabel.

[C]

I'm telling you, you can buy all the stockings in New York and it won't do you no good. But if you do like I done and write her a poem, you're in development.

[B]

Write her a what?

[C]

A poem. It's easy. And there ain't nothing get to women like a poem. That's if you write it yourself and send it with a couple of flowers.

[B]

You mean I should write a poem to Mabel with flowers?

[E]

Why, sure.

[C]

What do you think I've done with Dolly?

[B]

What?

[C]

I write her a poem. None of this printed stuff they got. I write it myself. The next day, she calls me up and I'm at her house. Ethan's in it just like that. I'm telling you, that's all you gotta do.

[B]

Well, you can laugh, but like they say, a dying man grabs at a straw, don't he? I'm practically a dying man. With Mabel, I decide I'll write her a poem. What can I lose? The answer is plenty, but I don't know it. Then the next day, Mike and me are sitting in the back of the coffee pot. This hampered joint where we all the time hang out and we're composing.

[C]

There's nothing to it. All it's got to do is rhyme and come out even at the end.

[B]

All right, all right. Now, how should I start?

[C]

Well, you want to make it simple and sweet.

[D]

So.

[C]

So start this way. Find a word that ends with Mabel.

[B]

What do you mean, ends with Mabel?

[C]

Well, it's got a rhyme like. Like table or something like that.

[B]

Oh, I get it. Mabel, table. Stable.

[C]

That's the idea. No, no, no, not stable.

[B]

No.

[C]

Let me see. Mabel, stable.

[B]

Zabel.

[C]

Sable. Hey, hey, that's it. Sable. That's a kind of a short coat, ain't it?

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

So?

[C]

So it rhymes with Mabel.

[D]

Wait a minute, wait a minute. I think I got it.

[C]

I did. I cannot buy you no Julian sables. But still. Will you be my valentine? Mabel? How do you like that?

[B]

That sounds all right. Let me hear that again.

[C]

Well, this ain't it. Exactly what it goes like. Then I cannot buy you no jewels and staples but will you be my valentine anyways, Mabel? Like that.

[B]

Hey, that sounds real good. And it's the truth, too.

[C]

Hey, you better write it down now before you forget.

[B]

I can remember it all right. But wait a minute. I don't see how this squares things with Mabel.

[C]

Well, it ain't finished yet. I tell you what.

[B]

Yeah?

[C]

Mexican news will I send to Dolly like this? I'm sending you this little rhyme to ask, will you ping my valentine?

[B]

Hey, I never know you're a poet.

[C]

Mike, you want to use that, too?

[E]

Sure.

[B]

The more the better. Maybe I better write it down here.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

How's it spot again?

[C]

15 hours, doctor. I cannot buy you no jewelry and safe.

[B]

Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute. Let's see. I cannot.

[C]

What's the good work?

[B]

What? Scheimer. What are you doing here?

[E]

Oh, Mike. What do you think?

[C]

Hello, Sherman.

[B]

Sherman, I say, what are you doing here?

[E]

I'm just passing by.

[D]

I thought I'd drop in and see what you're doing.

[B]

Yeah?

[D]

What, you write Mad Joel a letter to somebody?

[E]

Huh?

[B]

It's none of your business. Sherman.

[C]

Huh?

[D]

The mystery of the poison pen.

[E]

The D man gets his man.

[C]

Bang, bang.

[E]

Okay, I got you. Bang, bang, bang.

[B]

Shyman Simon. Listen, did Mabel send you down here to tell me something?

[D]

Ah, Romeo, my sister ain't got nothing.

[C]

To do with it.

[D]

I. I come down on sort of business.

[B]

Yeah? What kind of business?

[D]

Well, Joe, I. I need two bits, old pal. You got it?

[B]

Yeah, I got it, and I'm keeping it. Is that all you come in here for?

[E]

You won't lend me a lousy two bit?

[B]

I said no. So if that's all you want, you beat it. Yeah.

[C]

G ho.

[D]

Wise guys, huh? All right for you, Joe. You're going to feel sorry. Let me see what you're writing, huh?

[B]

Listen. Leave me alone, you little be.

[E]

What?

[C]

Look out now, Joe.

[B]

See that shaman? You hear me?

[D]

Yeah, Joe Spartan the p. Wait till.

[B]

I get my hands on you.

[E]

Bang, bang, bang. You never trust me.

[B]

That kid, that sh. Someday I'm going to. Well, where was we? Let's finish this thing.

[C]

All right. It's practically finished. Only don't forget, you write it down in separate lines like on a song sheet. Now, don't ask me why.

[B]

Well, we get this poem finished and I mail it right away to Mabel with no signature, like you always do with Valentine. Here's how it sounds. When it's done, I'll read it to you. I cannot buy you no jewels or sables but all the same I think you're swell, Mabel so I am sending you this little rhyme to ask. Will you be my valentine? Will you be mine, my Valentine? The last line I write myself. Well, it looks pretty good to me. The next night I'm up at Mabel's. I figure, here's where I'll find out what's the score. Oh, hello, Mabel. I just. I thought I'd come over and see how you doing.

[E]

Hello, Joey. I'm glad to see you. Come on in.

[B]

Thanks. Well, how you been, baby? I ain't seen you for a week already. I've been pretty busy.

[E]

Yeah, me too. I've been busy.

[B]

Yeah. Suppose you've been reading a lot.

[E]

No, I ain't been reading much. Just thinking about things.

[B]

What sort of things, baby? Nice things, huh?

[E]

Just things before. Got a lot of things on my mind. Lately.

[B]

Sure. I guess things like that don't happen every day, do they?

[E]

What do you mean?

[B]

Well, I mean things to get on your mind, like they say.

[E]

Wait a minute. You insinuating something about my mind? You being subtle or something?

[C]

No, no, no, no.

[B]

What did I say? Nothing.

[E]

Okay. I guess I just didn't understand you right.

[B]

What's the matter tonight, baby? Well, kind of far away, if you know what I mean.

[E]

What'd you say, Joe? I wasn't listening.

[B]

Well, like you can see I'm getting no place. She ain't saying nothing about the poem. She ain't saying nothing about Valentine. She ain't saying nothing about nothing. She just looks kind of funny, like she's half asleep all the time. Well, so I take her down to the movies where I get the first idea of what's going on. Well, like I'm telling you, we're sitting in a movie seat. It's kind of a mushy picture, which I don't go for, but which Mabel thinks is one of them. It's no use, I tell you. What good is a man without the woman he loves?

[C]

Ronald.

[B]

What?

[C]

What's that?

[B]

No, it must be a dream.

[E]

He. He's a wonderful actor. Amy.

[B]

Yes, Lord? You are real, aren't you? Tell me you're real.

[D]

Yes, my dear, I'm real.

[B]

But they told me you were drowned when the city of Peoria was torpedoed.

[D]

I'm here, my darling.

[C]

What further proof do you need?

[B]

Oh, Cynthia, if you only knew how I'd leave. Oh, my God, James, I can't wait.

[E]

Another nothing.

[B]

Now that you're back, will you. Will you be mine?

[E]

Do you mean it, Ronald?

[D]

Doctor, after all, I think.

[B]

Oh, yes, yes. Say you'll be mine. This is where we come in. Let's go.

[E]

Wait a minute, Joey. I want to see again how he says.

[B]

Will you be minding a scene at once already?

[E]

Oh, just a minute, can't you? Gee, this is a beautiful picture.

[B]

All right, you'll tell me after we get out.

[E]

This don't mean nothing to you, does it to me? It's just like. Just like it was poetry or something.

[B]

Look, look, we better get out of it. Hey, what do you mean, like poetry?

[E]

Oh, you wouldn't understand, Joey. It's like. Well, like something you read someplace.

[B]

Look, baby, we're talking too much for the people. Let's go out, see?

[E]

Why should we have to go out? We tried to come in just like everybody else, didn't we?

[B]

Sure, but it makes too much noise when we're talking.

[E]

Listen, who do we think this? You should ask?

[B]

All right, all right, baby. Come on.

[E]

Jeez, I got some nerve. He can't even express an opinion no more without somebody trying to make trouble.

[D]

Can you please be quiet?

[C]

And somebody can hear the people.

[B]

Mabel, please, come on.

[C]

Oh, all right.

[E]

Come on. I said come on a long time ago already.

[B]

Mabel, what was you saying in there? Something about phones and all.

[E]

I didn't say nothing. I.

[B]

Something about poems and all.

[E]

I didn't say nothing. I didn't hardly say a word when all his wife. I started in.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. But you were saying something about poems. You've been reading poetry lately, is that it?

[E]

Well, yeah. See, Joey, I gotta tell you this. What happened to me about poetry. Oh, wait a minute.

[B]

What?

[E]

I just want to look in a window here.

[B]

You buying a chair or something?

[E]

No, I'm just looking at furniture, sue, in case.

[B]

In case what?

[E]

Well, it's what I'm telling you about poetry.

[B]

Oh, is somebody's writing your poetry.

[E]

How'd you know?

[B]

Well, after all, I. Well, you're talking about them, so I figure that's it. Ain't that right?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Who writes the poems for you?

[E]

Baby, that's just the thing. I don't know, but I can tell you it's somebody who's crazy about me.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

At first I was thinking maybe it was you sent it to me. There ain't no signature on it, see? But then I'm second. I says to myself, joey, writing poems, that's a laugh.

[B]

Well, what's so funny about that?

[E]

Oh, you ain't seen this poem, or you'll know what I mean. This is something, well, romantic and all that, and that ain't you.

[B]

No, no.

[E]

And then it only come to me in the movies back there like a flash.

[B]

What?

[E]

This ain't only a poem. It's also a regular proposal.

[B]

What is it?

[E]

A proposal. Somebody wants to marry me. A proposal?

[B]

Who proposed to you?

[E]

I don't know. Whoever sends me this poem. You see, I didn't get it at. But it's just like in the movies, just now. Will you be mine?

[B]

Listen, Mabel, talk English so I'll know what it's all about.

[E]

Will you be mine? That's what the man said in the picture. And what does it mean?

[B]

What?

[E]

It's just like you say, let's get married. I'll be more refined.

[B]

Well, what's got. What's this got to do with the poem?

[E]

Don't you get it? That's just what it says in the poem. Will you be mine, my valentine?

[C]

So it's a proposal.

[B]

You mean in the poem?

[E]

How many times do I have to tell you? Gee, I can see you don't know nothing about poems. I say, I can see you don't know nothing about tones.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

To you, something beautiful is a pair of silk stockings. It ain't your fault. You just got no sense of what's beautiful.

[B]

Now, wait a minute.

[E]

Well, would you ever think of proposing.

[C]

To a girl like that? Propose?

[B]

I Never propose to nobody.

[E]

See?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, maybe you're right. Poetry stuff, I guess. It ain't my line. What can I do? Of course, I don't like this business. Maple says I'm such a cluck who can't even write poems. But also, I can't say nothing because I don't like the idea she thinks it's a proposal, which I never figured she'll think it'll mean, which I don't.

[C]

I can't understand it. You just write, will you be mine, my valentine? And it's a proposal.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. It's only after she sees this in the movies where the guy says the same thing and they're married.

[C]

You got nothing to worry about. She don't even know you wrote the poem.

[B]

Yeah, that's the thing. It's all right. She don't think I proposed. But how do I stand? Was all waiting around for her dream sweetheart to claim his bride.

[C]

What's that?

[B]

That ain't my idea. That's what she tells me before I left her off last night at her house.

[C]

Dream sweetheart. Can you beat that? Well, maybe you'd better tell it was you wrote the poem. What?

[B]

And never dragged me off to a wedding. Oh, no. I ain't ready for getting married. There's a lot to it. Gotta figure some other way.

[D]

Joe.

[E]

Joe. There you go.

[C]

It's Mabel's kid brother again.

[B]

What is this, every day?

[C]

Hello, Joe.

[D]

What do you know?

[B]

You're a scream shaman. What do you wanna know?

[D]

Pay me a visit, Joe, old boy.

[B]

Listen, this ain't the kindergarten you gotta be coming around every day. I told you, I ain't got no two bits for you.

[C]

This is different today, Joe.

[B]

What? Now?

[D]

I got a business proposition.

[B]

I got no time for PS86. Business propositions. I gotta get out and hustle a living.

[D]

God, that's a laugh. All you do is sit around all day anyway.

[B]

Now, look, you better get out of here before I forget who you are, meaning Nabel's kid brother and give you.

[C]

And look out now, Joe, don't get coughed.

[B]

Are you getting out of here?

[D]

All right, if that's the way you want to be. So I'll tell Navel.

[C]

So on.

[B]

Hey, wait a minute. Tell Navel what? Wait a minute. Come here.

[D]

Oh, just telling about who's been writing stuff to us. Like poetry.

[B]

What? What do you know about that?

[D]

Oh, now you're interested, huh? So it's going to cost you two bits, or else.

[B]

Or else what?

[D]

Or else I tell Mabel it was you who writ them Poems. What do you say, Joe?

[B]

Shame it. That's blackmail.

[D]

Do I get the two bits or do I tell Mabel? And it ain't blackmail, Joel, Cuz I'm only borrowing it.

[B]

Borrowed?

[D]

Yeah, for a hundred years. Then you'll get it back.

[B]

You must be kidding. Shame I never write no poem.

[E]

No?

[D]

Then you got nothing to worry about, Joe.

[C]

The poet.

[E]

His big.

[C]

Joe. Hey, hey.

[B]

Ouch. I ain't saying I won't rent you the two bits. Sure, you can have it.

[E]

Thanks, Joe.

[C]

You paying him off, Joe?

[B]

Sure. What else? He tells Mabel I'm a married man because Mabel don't give no for an answer.

[C]

Oh, you bet.

[D]

Well, thanks for the dough, sucker.

[E]

I'll be seeing you.

[B]

Yeah. And remember what you said now.

[D]

Oh, sure, you can trust me, Romeo. Will you be mine, my valentine? Tell me you love me, darling.

[C]

What now?

[B]

Wait till I get a hold of you.

[C]

Come on, Romeo.

[B]

That is Mabel's kid brother, Shrink. I can see. I gotta do something, but quick. So I figure the only thing to do is to go up to Mabel's house and see if I can't get it to forget about the whole bit. Well, with it in the parlor, but the same Mabel. Like last night. Mabel.

[E]

What?

[B]

Wanna do something tonight?

[E]

Like what?

[B]

Oh, like another movie or something.

[E]

No.

[B]

You wanna go to movies?

[C]

No.

[B]

So what do you wanna do?

[E]

Nothing.

[B]

What's nothing? You gotta be doing something.

[E]

I'm thinking.

[B]

Oh, about the guy who was writing your poems.

[E]

You gotta know? Yes.

[B]

Where's that gonna get you?

[E]

What are you worried about?

[B]

Ah, look, Mabel, he ain't really going for a guy you never seen, are you?

[E]

Oh, what if I am?

[C]

Well, what about me?

[B]

Don't I count for nothing?

[E]

Oh, sure, Joey. We'll always be good friends.

[C]

Good friends?

[B]

You mean you're throwing me down for some guy you don't even know who he is?

[C]

How do you know there even is.

[B]

Such a guy like this who writes poems?

[E]

I suppose it's a ghost.

[B]

I mean, did you ever meet him?

[E]

Maybe I did, maybe I didn't.

[B]

Why don't you forget the whole thing, baby? Look, I bet you it's just a gag to start with.

[E]

You mean because somebody writes me something beautiful that you could never think of in a million years? It has to be a head.

[B]

Oh, no, not that exactly. But I bet you there's something fishy about the whole thing.

[E]

When I want your opinion, I'll ask you. If you don't understand about something, then don't talk about it.

[C]

Please.

[B]

How can you be so sure it Wasn't me who wrote that poem. You say yourself it don't have no name on it.

[E]

How do I know you can even write altogether?

[B]

Now, wait a minute.

[E]

You can't tell it from the way you act.

[B]

What do you mean?

[E]

Any guy with two cents and who knows how to write can send somebody a valentine on Valentine's Day.

[B]

Oh, you mean about that? Well, I just forgot. Baby, you can't blame a guy if for once he forgets. Exactly what day is Valentine's Day?

[E]

No, it ain't exactly the day. So it's a week after. It ain't what day that counts. It's what you say.

[B]

Well, what if I was to tell you?

[E]

Take this poem I got. It didn't come on Valentine's Day right on the nose. It was a couple days after, but that don't make no difference.

[B]

No?

[C]

No.

[B]

Just so long as it comes from somebody except me. Is that it?

[E]

Hey, you don't have to get smart about it just because I got a proposal.

[B]

Who's getting smart? I'm just saying it's a fine thing that after you're going with a girl for a couple of years already, all it takes is a mushy palm and bang you out.

[E]

What's mushy? You never even met him.

[B]

I don't have to. It's the principal account.

[C]

So now I know where I stand.

[E]

What does that make me?

[B]

Nothing. But don't think I'm gonna be around chasing after you. Not with you not even giving me a tumble.

[E]

Any guy who don't think enough of a girl to send her a valentine on Valentine's Day don't get a tumble.

[C]

All right. All right. If that's the way you want it. All right. Good night.

[D]

Hey, Joe.

[C]

What?

[E]

Hello, Joe.

[D]

I've been waiting for you.

[B]

What are you doing outside the door here, Shannon?

[E]

Waiting for you.

[D]

Like I say, Joe, I think maybe I need some more finance.

[B]

Now, wait a minute.

[D]

The Mike will suddenly jump into a.

[C]

Half a buck on a line?

[D]

Romeo.

[B]

For what? I'm thinking they could give me the electric chair. But I get up a half a buck and that's it. I can see if I don't do something quick, not only I won't have no girlfriend, I'll be in a poor house too. Well, the next day I'm hanging around the coffee pot like old all things kept me down.

[C]

Joe. Hey, Joe.

[B]

Oh, Mike.

[C]

How'd you make out with Mabel? Oh, no soap?

[B]

No. So things are even worse than before.

[C]

Well, don't worry, because I got the Answer right here. Will I sit down?

[B]

You got the answer? Yes. You mean in the paper there?

[C]

Right here in the cassette.

[E]

Let me see.

[C]

Here it is. Listen to this, Joe.

[B]

I'm listening.

[C]

It says here, dear Heartbroken, that's you box.

[B]

What are you reading at?

[C]

Love advice by Ms. Sally Dare. Listen, dear Heartbroken, my advice to you is to write another poem to your sweetheart. In which the so called dream lover withdraws his proposal. I'm certain she will then come back to you. What do you think of that?

[B]

I don't get it and I don't like it. How come Miss Sally Dare finds out about the poem and all?

[C]

I sent him a letter.

[B]

Right?

[C]

Here's the answer. I figured you need an exploit, so here it is.

[B]

First off, I ain't gonna do it whatever she says. Because if one poem gets me in all this trouble, I don't need two poems. And second off, how come you're doing all this?

[C]

Well, I feel kind of responsible, Joe. After all, it's my idea in the first place.

[B]

Think I don't know that you a specialist on handling the women?

[C]

Ah, don't be like that, Joe. I didn't know it's gonna turn out like this. And anyway, I got another idea to.

[B]

Get you out right now. I know all the ideas from you that I want to know.

[C]

Tell me I can get Dolly to fix this whole rap for you.

[B]

Dolly from Flatbush?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What's Dolly got to do with it?

[C]

Well, here's the idea. Dolly got a poem just like Mabel got. Ain't that right?

[B]

That's what you tell me.

[D]

All right.

[C]

Dolly ain't married, is she?

[B]

Not to you she ain't.

[D]

So that's it.

[C]

I get Dolly to tell Mabel the whole story.

[B]

Oh, no you don't. You've done enough without telling Mabel.

[C]

Not the real story. Dolly tells Mabel how she got a poem with a proposal like Mabel. And some screwball is sending them out by the dozens. Yeah, she tells Mabel she'd better forget about it because it's just some nutto weight responsible, see?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, I see.

[C]

So what do you think? It can't, Ms. Joe.

[B]

You think Dolly'll do it if I ask her? She'll do it. Okay, then ask her. Ask her, Mike. Anyways, I don't think how things can get any worse. Well, we fixed the whole thing up. I'm going to get Dolly and Mabel down to the restaurant and buy him dinner. And then Dolly's going to get Mabel this story that Mike makes up and tell it to her. And that's that? Mike can't come because he's on a night shift. So I'm sitting in the restaurant with Dolly, who is a very fancy dish with Flatbush, waiting for Mabel to show up.

[D]

So when's your sweetie coming in? I got a heavy date tonight, honey. And I can't be hanging around here, if you know what I mean.

[B]

Yeah, well, don't worry, Dolly. You know what you're supposed to do now, don't you?

[D]

You leave it all up to me, sugar. Dolly will fix everything.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I only hope it goes like we figure, you know.

[D]

It's very becoming to you when you're worried, sugar.

[B]

What do you mean?

[D]

I mean, it's makes you look kind of.

[B]

Oh, I don't know.

[D]

Kind of cute, if you know what I mean.

[B]

What?

[D]

I mean, the way you look, it's. Well, it's like when Gary Cooper is. When he's worried in the pictures, I mean.

[B]

Yeah, it's the first time anyone tells me that. Gary Cooper, you say.

[D]

Well, Gary Cooper or Tyrone Power or somebody rugged like that.

[E]

I mean it. It's.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Wait a minute, Wait a minute. I think I see you.

[D]

Who, sugar?

[C]

Mabel.

[B]

Yeah, that's right. No, no, no, no. Don't forget Mabel. Hey, Mabel. Over here.

[E]

Oh, hello, Joey. I'm a little late, ain't I? I got the lady in the beauty shop and I could. I didn't know you was having company.

[B]

Yeah, I. I asked the roll that special. Cause you're coming.

[E]

I don't get it.

[B]

Yeah, well, Dolly, I want you should meet Ms. Mabel Stooler. Mabel, this is Ms. Dolly Dunle.

[D]

It's Dunkle, sugar. I'm glad to meet you, honey.

[E]

Hello.

[B]

Sit down, Mabel. Sit down. Eat all you want. Cause it's all on me.

[D]

Say, you're a real sport, ain't you, sugar?

[B]

Nobody ain't never called me no piker, no latent.

[E]

Look, Ms. Dunkle.

[D]

That's Dunkle, dearie.

[E]

Well, whatever your name is. You know Joey for a long time.

[D]

I could get to know him better, if you know what I mean.

[E]

I know what you mean, dearie. So I just thought I'll tell you about me and Joey being old friends.

[D]

What makes you think I'll be interested in that?

[E]

Honey? Listen, I know your type.

[D]

What do you mean you know my type? What do you think my type's anyway?

[B]

Now, wait a minute.

[E]

You don't have to get out of this, Joey. Listen, Siri, I don't mind that you're grubbing a free meal off of my Boyfriend?

[D]

What do you mean, grubbing? Say, are you trying to insult me?

[B]

No, Dolly, she's all the time kidding. Mabel isn't.

[E]

When I'm kidding, I laugh.

[D]

Listen, I don't have to sit around here and be enthusiast.

[E]

Honey, you don't see me keeping you.

[D]

Now, Mabel, that's what comes with trying to do somebody a favor who ain't big enough to appreciate nothing.

[E]

You're doing me a favor.

[D]

Not anymore, I ain't. I'm leaving right now.

[B]

Five doll. Look, Mabel don't mean nothing.

[D]

You gotta explain. I'm sorry, Joey, but that's all I'm gonna stand for. Goodbye.

[E]

And if I never see you again.

[D]

Honey, it's too soon.

[B]

Now, why'd you have to go and hurt Dolly's feelings like that?

[E]

Well, she didn't have to go and make a play for you, did she?

[B]

She wasn't making no play, Mabel. She was just.

[E]

Well, whatever she was doing. Guess I got a right to be a little jealous, ain't I?

[B]

Jealous? You mean you was just being jealous, is that it?

[E]

I'm sure, Joey. It ain't my fault if I like you.

[B]

No, sure it ain't. But, Mabel. Yeah, Joey, what about this? Poetry and all that? What about that guy who you say is gonna marry you?

[E]

Oh, that. I was only teasing you, Joey. I didn't figure you'd right away get a girl like that. You never thought I was really serious about that poetry, did you?

[B]

Well, no, I guess not. But anyway, everything's all fixed up now, Anna.

[E]

What do you mean, Joey?

[B]

I mean you and me, of course. We're back together again.

[E]

Oh, sure, Joey.

[B]

She does swell, baby.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

I brought along a little something for you. Sort of Valentine's Day, even if it is all right.

[E]

Yeah. Let me see. Gee, a package.

[B]

Open it up, Dave.

[E]

Okay. Gee, I can hardly wait to see. Oh. Oh, Joey, you shouldn't have done it.

[B]

You like him, Mabel?

[D]

Like it?

[E]

It's beautiful. Silk stockings. Gee, Zoe, that's the nicest present you can get a girl.

[B]

So you see, like I'm telling you, some girls homes, maybe are all right, but with Mabel. And I bet you with 99% of all the women, Stockings is safe to all around. So that's what happens on Valentine's Day. And it all turns out all right. Except for one thing. A Satan, 12 years old, vagal is shamed. And I'll be paying off for the rest of my life. You see what I mean? You have just turned another episode in the new radio serial, Joe and Mabel written by Irving Gaynor Nyman. In today's performance, Joe was played by Ted Decor, Mabel by Anne Thomas and Mike by Walter Kinsella. The supporting cast included Jackie Grimes, Gene Ellen Joseph, Curtain and Helen Clare.