Ken Dodd Show 19xx.xx.xx Big Brother Ken Dodd

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio – "Ken Dodd Show 19xx.xx.xx Big Brother Ken Dodd"

Release Date: April 1, 2025
Host: Ken Dodd
Episode Title: Big Brother Ken Dodd

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Introduction

In this lively episode of "Ken Dodd Show", hosted by the inimitable Ken Dodd, listeners are treated to a nostalgic journey reminiscent of the Golden Age of Radio. The show masterfully blends humor, music, and engaging skits, embodying the communal spirit of families gathering around the radio. Drawing inspiration from classic programs like The Shadow, Abbott & Costello, and Dragnet, this episode, released on April Fool's Day 2025, continues the tradition of entertaining audiences with wit and charm.

Strike Meeting with Big Brother Ken Dodd

Timestamp [00:07]

The episode kicks off with Ken Dodd energetically addressing a strike meeting. Displaying his signature comedic flair, Dodd rallies the factory workers with fervor:

Ken Dodd [00:07]: "Lets down tools and come out in sympathy with the Ken Dodd show... shouting and shocking the shameful shirkers on the shunting shed."

Andy Mann joins the fray, delivering a humorous yet heartfelt plea to the workers:

Andy Mann [00:24]: "Listen, brothers. Play trust in me, brothers... What about the pay increases? I got it, brothers. You haven't. You all gone... Tatty bye."

This segment satirizes labor meetings, setting a playful tone for the episode.

Comedic Interactions and Character Introductions

Timestamp [01:50] – [04:16]

The show seamlessly transitions into a lively exchange featuring Patricia Hayes, John Laurie, and Wallace Heaton. They engage in playful banter, parodying iconic characters and scenarios:

Patricia Hayes [02:01]: "Hiya, Dotty. Hiya, Digley."

Wallace Heaton introduces himself with regional humor:

Wallace Heaton [03:11]: "My name is Wee Johnny Laurie. Much loved and respected Scottish actor all the way from Enver. Cocky Leakey."

The trio delves into humorous impersonations, including animal sounds and exaggerated Scottish dialects, enhancing the episode's comedic depth.

Musical Performance by The McGill Five

Timestamp [04:38] – [06:45]

A delightful interlude features The McGill Five performing the catchy and repetitive song "Unchained My Heart." Their harmonious vocals and engaging lyrics provide a musical respite:

The McGill Five [04:38]: "Unchain my heart. Set me free... I'm under your spell."

The performance is both entertaining and serves as a break between comedic sketches, maintaining listener engagement.

Do-It-Yourself Segment with Andy Mann

Timestamp [06:45] – [09:14]

Andy Mann takes center stage with his characteristic humor in a "Do-It-Yourself" segment. He comically demonstrates pest control methods:

Andy Mann [06:45]: "This is your old do it yourself chum, Andy Mann... I'll not give you just a minute... Let's smash this flipping boat up."

His exaggerated instructions and slapstick narration evoke laughter, embodying the classic DIY radio segment with a humorous twist.

Family and Sibling Humor

Timestamp [09:04] – [11:24]

The show shifts focus to familial relationships, particularly the dynamics between brothers. Andy Mann humorously describes the roles and stereotypes of brothers:

Andy Mann [09:04]: "If he's an elder brother, he's the one who protects you during your school days... But there comes a time in every brother's life when he begins to tire."

This segment includes a parody advertisement for "Doddy's Rejuvenating Jollop," poking fun at midlife crises and brotherly bonds, further enriching the show's comedic tapestry.

Egyptology Skit: Lost Shirt Mystery

Timestamp [12:28] – [14:19]

A creative skit set in the British Museum's Egyptology room unfolds, featuring Patricia Hayes comically searching for her misplaced shirt amidst ancient artifacts:

Patricia Hayes [12:40]: "Wag me shirt. Where do you are? Where's me shirt?"

Her interactions with Wallace Heaton lead to humorous misunderstandings about mummy attire and laundry marks, showcasing the cast's impeccable timing and comedic chemistry.

Tribute to British Bakers

Timestamp [13:38] – [14:16]

Ken Dodd extends a heartfelt yet humorous tribute to British bakers:

Wallace Heaton [13:49]: "I am a jolly baker with a white hat on my head... So you can have fresh bread."

This brief segment celebrates everyday heroes with a lighthearted nod, blending appreciation with comedic undertones.

Dialogue with Judith Chalmers

Timestamp [14:16] – [18:23]

A charming dialogue ensues between Ken Dodd and Judith Chalmers, reminiscing about daily life in different locales. Their exchange is peppered with humor and playful banter:

Judith Chalmers [14:39]: "Hello, Ken."

Ken Dodd [15:20]: "Never mind. Because this is a wonderful opportunity for me to play one of my favorite records."

This segment interlaces conversation with a musical performance, enhancing the episode's dynamic flow.

Musical Interlude: "Pianissimo" by Percy Edwards

Timestamp [15:44] – [18:23]

The serene melody of "Pianissimo," performed by Percy Edwards, provides a calming contrast to the show's comedic elements:

Percy Edwards [15:46]: "Music play so soft and low... Oh, let the music play Pianissimo."

This musical interlude adds depth to the episode, offering listeners a moment of tranquility amidst the humor.

Parody of "World's Worst" Characters

Timestamp [18:23] – [26:02]

Ken Dodd introduces a series of skits featuring the "world's worst" individuals in various professions:

1. Raymond Doddington, the worst snooker commentator.
2. Nadia Dodina, the worst ballet dancer performing "Swan Lake."
3. Dr. Dodgera, the worst doctor in Maternity Hospital.
4. Pastors and Vicar, representing the world's least effective clergy.
5. Robinson Dodso, the worst castaway on a desert island.

These skits are rich with slapstick humor, witty dialogues, and exaggerated incompetencies. For instance, Robinson Dodso's misadventures on the island highlight an absurdly flawed survival story:

Robinson Dodso [20:42]: "I was hurled into the sea... I must have passed out because when I woke up I was unconscious."

This extended narrative culminates in Dodso's comical failure to escape the island, emphasizing the show's penchant for playful satire.

Closing Remarks and Production Credits

Timestamp [26:02] – [26:14]

The episode concludes with a humorous wrap-up from Ken Dodd, acknowledging the cast and production team:

Ken Dodd [26:02]: "A production of the Wonderful World of the Brothers, grim and still grinning... The script was written by Eddie Braben and Ken Dodd."

This final segment ties together the episode's elements, leaving listeners with a sense of camaraderie and anticipation for future shows.

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Key Takeaways

• Humorous Satire: The episode excels in parodying everyday scenarios, professions, and relationships, delivering laughs through exaggerated incompetence and witty dialogue.

• Engaging Performances: The cast, including Ken Dodd, Andy Mann, Patricia Hayes, and others, showcase impeccable timing and chemistry, vital for the show's success.

• Musical Integration: Seamlessly woven musical interludes provide diversity in content, balancing humor with melodic enjoyment.

• Nostalgic Charm: Emulating the style of classic radio shows, the episode fosters a warm, communal listening experience reminiscent of family gatherings around the radio.

Notable Quotes

• Ken Dodd [00:07]: "Lets down tools and come out in sympathy with the Ken Dodd show... shouting and shocking the shameful shirkers on the shunting shed."

• Andy Mann [00:24]: "Listen, brothers. Play trust in me, brothers... What about the pay increases? I got it, brothers."

• Patricia Hayes [12:40]: "Wag me shirt. Where do you are? Where's me shirt?"

• Percy Edwards [15:46]: "Music play so soft and low... Oh, let the music play Pianissimo."

• Andy Mann [24:20]: "July 14th. Hazy. Is it really July 14th? Our wedding anniversary, darling."

Conclusion

"Ken Dodd Show 19xx.xx.xx Big Brother Ken Dodd" is a testament to the enduring charm of old-time radio, infused with modern humor and timeless wit. Through its diverse segments, engaging characters, and seamless blend of comedy and music, the episode offers a delightful listening experience that honors the legacy of radio's golden era while catering to contemporary audiences.

Transcript

[Ken Dodd]

Lets down tools and come out in sympathy with the Ken Dodd show. And here he comes to address the strike meeting. Full of fortitude facts and fips for fellow factory folk, shouting and shocking the shameful shirkers on the shunting shed. Shift, everybody. Shop steward big brother Ken Dodd.

[Andy Mann]

Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you very much, brothers. Thank you. Listen, brothers. Play trust in me, brothers. Listen, listen. Listen, brothers. I put it to the management and they put it to me. And now I'm going to put it to you and you can put it where you like. What about the mandates, brother? They're two and three a box. So I didn't bother, brother. He said, listen, brothers. Listen, brothers. What about the pay increases? I got it, brothers. I got it. I've. I've got it, brothers. I've got it. You haven't. You all gone. A short time has come today, Tati. Bye, brothers. Tatty bye. Ah, well, thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Shows you're on my side. Still, it's like Shakespeare said, there is a tide in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads to. On to fortune, so to the luddier. Here is a very unusual recording of the band of the grenadier Guards just coming to the end of a tour of the Isle of Man by Jo. What a beautiful day for donning a stout pair of boots, packing a picnic lunch and climbing into bed. Look at the admiralty. And there's the head of the admiralty just arriving in his car.

[Patricia Hayes]

Oh, my. Popeye the silver man. Wine, Popeye the silver man.

[Andy Mann]

The money it must be costing the nation to stockpile tins of spinach.

[John Laurie]

Hiya, Dotty. Hiya, Digley.

[Andy Mann]

Good gracious me. It's a little diddy man and a little diddy Irishman. Right, you both look very smart. Where are you off to be, Gora?

[John Laurie]

We've got a date, me boy. O, we've got a date. And there are a couple of darlings.

[Andy Mann]

A couple of darlings. A couple of darlings, aren't they? And where are you going to take these two little diddy ladies to?

[John Laurie]

Sure, sure, we'll take them for a drink. We'll take her for a drink and we'll give them a drop of the short stuff.

[Andy Mann]

Here comes a couple of little diddy ladies. Now one of them's got blonde hair, blue eyes and a lovely pink and white frock on. But the other one's a real beatnik. Long scraggy hair and big black boots. Hello, boys.

[John Laurie]

Very pleased to meet you. I'M sure.

[Patricia Hayes]

Hiya, Daddy. Ole. Dig this crazy Irishman.

[John Laurie]

I could go for you like crazy. I'll be off with you now, woman. Let go of me. Let go of me or old mam Elijah. I ma'am Elijah.

[Patricia Hayes]

Chatty bye, Dotty.

[John Laurie]

Chatty bye, Daddy.

[Andy Mann]

Chatty bye, Daddy. Chatty bye, diggy people. Chatty by. Is it? Is it? It couldn't be. It isn't.

[Percy Edwards]

It is.

[Wallace Heaton]

My name is Wee Johnny Laurie. Much loved and respected Scottish actor all the way from Enver. Cocky Leakey.

[Andy Mann]

Can you do animal impressions like Percy?

[Wallace Heaton]

Of course I can. Listen to this. Stand well back.

[Andy Mann]

Right.

[Wallace Heaton]

Cock a doodle.

[Andy Mann]

Quack. Moo. Moo.

[Wallace Heaton]

Woof.

[Andy Mann]

Meow.

[Wallace Heaton]

Baw.

[Andy Mann]

I think you are, too. Here, John. Do you get much wildlife in Inverkockieliki?

[Wallace Heaton]

Indeed, yes. We, the inhabitants of Invercockieliki, appreciate wild life. We're rather fond of the occasional orgy. I go out every. I go out every day looking for a lark in the meadow. And if I'm fortunate, perhaps I grapple in the glen.

[Andy Mann]

Well, what do you know? Did you know that of all the British birds, the heron has the largest bill for fish? Last week it came to six pounds, 14 shillings. Well, what do you know? Did you know that if Scottish actor John Laurie eats too much porridge, he breaks out in tartan pimples? Well, what do you know?

[Ken Dodd]

Excuse me, boys. All this knowledge is too much for me. I can think of a much pleasanter way of passing the time listening to our very welcome guest for this week, the McGill Five.

[Patricia Hayes]

All right.

[The McGill Five]

Unchie my heart, baby, set me free. I know you don't care about me. You got me sewed up as a pillow kiss. So how come you let my love and go to waste so? Unchained my heart. Set me free. Unchained my heart. Well, baby, let me go. Unchain my heart. Honey, you don't love me no more. I call you on the phone. Somebody tell me that you're not at home. So untame my heartbeat, Set me free. I'm on these fell like a man in a trance, baby, and I know nowhere don't get a chain. My heart, baby, let me go now. Unchain my heart. I know you don't love me. I'll call you on the phone. Set me free. Yeah, I'm under your spell. Like a man and a friend, baby, and I don't know where you know I down again. Unchained my heart, Baby, let me go. Oh, unchained my heart. I know you don't Love me no more I call you on the phone there's all my stomach I could not ask for so unchained my heartbeat Baby, set me free Baby, set me free.

[Andy Mann]

Yeah, baby, set me free hello, all you. Do it yourself, maniacs. This is your old do it yourself chum, Andy Mann. Now, I'll not give you just a minute. I just want to put the rest of this pest exterminator on the wife's salad. Lovely. She'll sleep tonight. Now, you don't need me to tell you that there's a lot of hard work to be done in the garden. So cheerio, by Jove, by Jove. Jove. Me compost heaps going great guns.

[Wallace Heaton]

Phew.

[Andy Mann]

The man in the house next door has asked me to move it further down the garden. All the papers peeled off the wall in his living room. Those earwigs are becoming a blooming nuisance. I must get a pair of bicycle clips. Now for this week's little job. And it's burning garden refuse. Oh, no, sorry. It's refuse, isn't it? Burning garden refuse. The main thing to remember here is to make a nice tight sack like I've done. Just put a match to it and away she goes. There she goes. Now, as you can see, I've used the utmost caution. I've built my fire in such a way that the wind blows it away from the fenc and oh dear, oh dear, oh dear to me the house is burning down I've set fire to the slipping house. Here, I'll show you how to dial 999. First of all, you belong to nearest and it was the same every time I went to a party. Nobody would dance with me and I could hear all the girls sniggering behind me back. I could never understand why until a friend whispered to me. B O T parding. B O T. What's that big hole in trousers? Hello, Mr. Tanner.

[Patricia Hayes]

Hello, Mr. Free. Dot.

[Ken Dodd]

Come in.

[Andy Mann]

Thank you, Mrs. Taylor. Did you try your family wash in Dotto containing 007? The secret agent?

[Patricia Hayes]

Yes. I used it on my husband's things first. He was quite amazed with the result.

[Andy Mann]

Good. And where is he now?

[Patricia Hayes]

He's just left for work wearing one of my old blouses and a barrel.

[Wallace Heaton]

I like a man who likes me enough. Surely I've got the wrong scrap, Doddy.

[Andy Mann]

I'm sure you have. What is a brother? If he's an elder brother, he's the one who protects you during your school days. If he sees you being knocked about, he says to the big Bully. Leave my brother alone or I'll wrestle you on the ground. Gladys Parker. A good brother shares everything with you. When an elder brother reaches manhood, father takes him into the front room to explain the ways of the world to him. And from behind closed doors you hear father saying, go on. I never knew that. As the years go by and you go your separate ways, your brother still keeps in touch with you. He often calls on you for a talk about the good old days and a borrower of £5 if he's married and has children. He visits you on a Sunday afternoon and he says, what a beautiful house you would have had if I hadn't brought the six kids with me. But there comes a time in every brother's life when he begins to tire. And that's when your brother needs Doddy's Rejuvenating Jollop for men. After only one bottle of Doddy's Rejuvenating Jollop, these two middle aged Lincolnshire brothers. Said sisters. Sisters.

[Patricia Hayes]

There were never such devoted sisters.

[Andy Mann]

He's a magnet. Magnificent regimental sergeant major.

[Wallace Heaton]

A credit to the regiment.

[Andy Mann]

It's amazing when you realize he's been out on maneuvers every night this week.

[Wallace Heaton]

It speaks volumes for his stamina.

[Andy Mann]

The whole family's the same.

[Wallace Heaton]

Really.

[Andy Mann]

Yes. His grandfather's an old contemptible.

[Wallace Heaton]

He's heading in the same direction if you ask me.

[Andy Mann]

His father. His father was a color sergeant. Yeah. He married a Nafi woman.

[Wallace Heaton]

Foreigners?

[Andy Mann]

I think so. His brother's in a mess at Catterick.

[Wallace Heaton]

What sort of a people are they.

[Andy Mann]

At all he's going out east next week for, you know.

[Wallace Heaton]

Is he?

[Andy Mann]

The swine.

[Wallace Heaton]

I can't stand here and watch him after what you've just told me. I must leave.

[Andy Mann]

I'll come with you. Margot.

[Ken Dodd]

In the Egyptology room of the British Museum, two very learned and eminent archaeologists are discussing the disappearance of a priceless relic.

[Patricia Hayes]

Wag me shirt. Where do you are? Where's me shirt? I can't find my shirt anywhere. I don't know. I haven't seen your shirt. Well, it's a lovely shirt. It's got a collar and two cuffs.

[Wallace Heaton]

Has it got a.

[Patricia Hayes]

Has it got a tail? Don't be personal. Where's my shirt? And my shirt's short. You had a look behind that mummy in the corner. Don't talk so stupid. I'm not talking stupid. I acting fuffing the same as you. Mummies don't wear shirts. Mummies wear frocks and pinnies. Oh, I see what you mean. Have a look then. I Will. No. There's no signs of my shirt. Here. Here. Are you gonna help me look for my shirt? No, I'm busy trying to read this ancient parchment. It's got ancient writing on it. Let me see. That's not ancient writing. That's a laundry mark. That's my shirt. Hey, give me my shirt.

[The McGill Five]

I found a sh.

[Ken Dodd]

And next, a quick thank you to the bakers of Great Britain.

[Wallace Heaton]

I am a jolly baker with a white hat on my head. I work in toil throughout the night so you can have fresh bread.

[Andy Mann]

I am the baker's right hand man. I think you ought to know I only do this flipping job because I need the dough. Hi.

[Wallace Heaton]

The baker is a worthwhile trade. One of the trusty jobs.

[Andy Mann]

You wouldn't think so if you saw what he puts in the trusty cobs.

[Patricia Hayes]

Hey.

[Ken Dodd]

In Britain it's 12 o'clock in naughty Ashes.

[Wallace Heaton]

Pancake Tuesday and the Denver cockaded. It's yesterday afternoon.

[Ken Dodd]

Which means that once again, it's time for three way family favorites. And this is Judith Chalmers in London calling my good friend Ken Dodd in Naughty Ash. Hello, Ken.

[Andy Mann]

Hello, Judith.

[Ken Dodd]

Hello, Ken. And hello, John Laurie in Inva. Cocky Leeky.

[Wallace Heaton]

Ah, my Bonnie Be Lotty.

[Andy Mann]

Hello, Judith.

[Ken Dodd]

Oh, hello, Ken.

[Andy Mann]

Can you hear me all right, Judith?

[Ken Dodd]

Yes, Ken, I can hear you.

[Andy Mann]

Can you, please? In the oven, Judith.

[Ken Dodd]

What's it like in Knotty Ash this morning, Ken?

[Andy Mann]

It's really. Judith. Beautiful. No, it's lovely weather, Judith Goodwin.

[Ken Dodd]

It's quite nice here in London this morning. Although we had a filthy night last night.

[Andy Mann]

What were you up to, Judith? You'll have less of that.

[Wallace Heaton]

It's terrible foggy here in Ember Cockilikke. I haven't seen my Celt for a week.

[Ken Dodd]

Let's start, shall we, Ken? Have you got a record?

[Andy Mann]

Yes. Thank you, Judith. Not the weather like where you are, Judith.

[Ken Dodd]

Never mind. Because this is a wonderful opportunity for me to play one of my favorite records. Ken Dodd singing Pianissimo.

[Andy Mann]

I hear the.

[Percy Edwards]

Music play so soft and low.

[Andy Mann]

It.

[Percy Edwards]

Speaks to me of love Pianissim. And with the music comes the voice I know to whisper words of love Pianissimo. A gentleness of you. Your tender touch. How sweet your kisses too. They mean so much. And while I hear you say I love you so. Oh, let the music play the gentleness of you. Your tender touch. How sweet your kisses they mean so much. And while I hear you say I love you so. Oh, let the music play. Pianistimo.

[Ken Dodd]

If you've got any sympathy to Spare this. Next collection of gentlemen could use it. They need a lot of sympathy and understanding because they're the world's worst. They just can't do anything right. Like our first subject, who just happens to be the world's worst weightlifter.

[Andy Mann]

And it's Kay Dodd of the Knotty Ash Sports Club who is about to lift £780.

[Ken Dodd]

We stay on sport and listen to Raymond Doddington, the worst commentator ever to cover a snooker championship.

[Andy Mann]

And I think Joe is going to try and put this one into the middle pocket. Now he'll have to hit this ball really hard.

[Ken Dodd]

And now let's watch as the world's worst ballet dancer, Nadia Dodina, dances Swan Lake. And next we tiptoe into the surgery of Dr. Dodgera, the worst ever doctor.

[Patricia Hayes]

Well now, well, well now. I have arranged for you to enter.

[Andy Mann]

Green Acres Maternity Hospital next Thursday.

[Patricia Hayes]

Now, do you feel any happier now?

[Wallace Heaton]

Not really, Doctor.

[Ken Dodd]

And Mr. Dodd piece, the world's worst vicar is officiating at yet another ceremony.

[Andy Mann]

Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife? Oh, it's a twistening, isn't it? Oh, my dear. Oh dear.

[Ken Dodd]

And now for a wonderful example of human endurance and self reliance as shown by the worst castaway ever to find himself on a desert island.

[Andy Mann]

I am the worst castaway. My name is Robinson Dodso. And a nicer fellow you couldn't wish to meet. Let me tell you about my adventure. It all began in the year 1653, on Lady Day. It must have been Lady Day because I had my new frock on. I set sail from Bristol aboard the good ship the Queen of Bootle. I was the ship's cook on that trip. And I can remember the very first night at sea. I remember it very well because it got very windy around the archipelagos. So I took a mug of hot cocoa up to the man at the wheel. Old Ned. 85 years a sailor and still at it. Hot coco. Ned. Ah, lovely, lovely. Watch out for those rocks up ahead, Ned. I knew, I knew these. These rocks like the. The back of the back of.

[Patricia Hayes]

Ah.

[The McGill Five]

Man overboard.

[Andy Mann]

It's me. I was hurled into the sea. I was tossed about like a cork. I was just. I was just going down. I was just going down for the third time when I managed to grab hold of a carpenter's chest. I thought the end had come because my past life flashed before me. It was disgusting. I must have passed out because when I woke up I was unconscious. No. I was lying on warm golden sand. I looked around me. It was an island paradise fringed with palm trees, gently swaying in a warm breeze. I was walking along the sand when I was amazed to see the footprints of feet. Great huge feet. Prints that disappeared into the jungle. I followed them and there, to my amazement, in a clearing stood a great big dark skinned man with fuzzy wuzzy hair and a bone stuck through it. He was completely unclothed.

[Wallace Heaton]

Great aisles full of castaways wood.

[Andy Mann]

Are you Robin? I'm Robinson Dodso. And who are you?

[Wallace Heaton]

Yeehaw. I haven't got a name. I'm just a great hairy savage running wild with no clothes on. It's most delightful.

[Andy Mann]

I'll bet it is. Well, look, you can't go around. I'll have to give you a name, won't.

[Wallace Heaton]

I?

[Andy Mann]

Can't just call you Thingy. Let me see now, what day is it? Friday. That's it. I'll be original. I'll call you Man Friday. The sight of this savage running around with no clothes almost too much for my civilized eyes. So I gave him a pair of armbands to put on. And the days passed into weeks. And I kept thinking about my dear wife and our 10 little children. I decided to make an effort to try and leave the island. And using only my pen knife, I managed to make a tree trunk out of a hollowed out canoe.

[Wallace Heaton]

That's not. That's not right, is it?

[Andy Mann]

No, I can't quite make that out. I'll tell you what we can do.

[Wallace Heaton]

What?

[Andy Mann]

We can make a shelter. We can make a shelter for ourselves. We can follow the instructions in this book that I brought with me. It's called Fanny Hill.

[Wallace Heaton]

What sort of a shelter can we build out of a book like that?

[Andy Mann]

A rude hut. And so I set to work building a first class shelter. As I worked away, Man Friday sat on the sand singing his native songs. Nick.

[Wallace Heaton]

Knocky knick knock, knicky knocky doo. Nicky. Knocky knick knock, knock knock.

[Andy Mann]

Anyway, there we are. It's finished. Come inside, come inside. Friday. Come inside and have a shuffle at my chateau.

[Wallace Heaton]

No, I'd rather sleep in my tree.

[Andy Mann]

Oh, go on, come inside, you. You'll. You'll like it when you've been inside.

[Wallace Heaton]

Oh, very well.

[Andy Mann]

Come on. Listen, I've never slept up a tree before. Oh, I'm fed up being on this end here. Friday, wake up. Come on, wake up. How long have I been here now? What day is it today?

[Wallace Heaton]

Just a minute. I'll climb up this date tree. July 14th.

[Andy Mann]

July 14th. Hazy. Is it really July 14th? Our wedding anniversary, darling.

[Wallace Heaton]

And you haven't kissed me.

[Andy Mann]

Not you here, anyway. You're not really a savage at all, are you?

[Wallace Heaton]

Quite true. I sought peace on this island after a great personal tragedy. My wife ran off with a milkman.

[Andy Mann]

I'm very sorry to hear that. What did you do?

[Wallace Heaton]

I'd have Coco.

[Andy Mann]

I'm not staying here much longer. I feel a proper onion, I do. I'm determined to build a boat and sail back home. Well, I found a tool chest washed up on the shore from the wreck. And after six weeks of hard work, well, I'd got it open. I worked and I worked until at last I'd built a boat.

[Wallace Heaton]

You're going then?

[Andy Mann]

I am going. Why didn't you come with me Friday?

[Wallace Heaton]

Thanks all the same. I have all I need here. Enough food to keep body and soul together. The warm sun and matire robo and the twelve dusky eyed, shapely supple limbed young maidens on the other side of the island.

[Patricia Hayes]

Ah, caw.

[Andy Mann]

Well, but you have your wife and.

[Wallace Heaton]

10 children waiting for you. And now you have a boat.

[Andy Mann]

Yes, now I have a boat. But now I have here how many dusky eyed, shapely supple limb maidens, did you say?

[Patricia Hayes]

12.

[Andy Mann]

12, eh? I see. Well, here, pass me that big ammo, will you? Let's smash this flipping boat up. Nick, Knocky. Nick, Nicky, knocky. Bye, everybody.

[Patricia Hayes]

That's a pimple.

[Ken Dodd]

Kick her on. A production of the Wonderful World of the Brothers, grim and still grinning as they hand in their tickling sticks until next week are John Laurie, Patricia Hayes, Wallace Heaton, Percy Edwards, the McGill Five and Judith Chalmers. With Dodd is Diddy, orchestra leader Julian Gayard, conductor Malcolm Lockyer. The script was written by Eddie Braben and Ken Dodd. And the show, which was recorded, was produced by Bill.