Komedie Kapers 34-xx-xx (01) Wishes

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio – "Komedie Kapers 34-xx-xx (01) Wishes"

Release Date: January 29, 2025
Host: Tom Post
Episode Title: Komedie Kapers 34-xx-xx (01) Wishes

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Introduction: Embracing the Theme of Wishes

The episode opens with host Tom Post setting the stage for a delightful exploration of the theme wishes. At [00:07], Tom warmly welcomes listeners to "Comedy Capers," emphasizing the magic of wishes:

"Wishes, you know, are the greatest thing in the world because you have to wish for a thing before you can get it." – Tom Post [00:07]

He dedicates the entire edition to the concept of wishes, inviting the audience to immerse themselves in the nostalgic ambiance of the Golden Age of Radio.

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Musical Interlude: "Everybody Wish"

Shortly after the introduction, an Unknown Singer performs a heartfelt rendition of "Everybody Wish," encapsulating the episode's central theme. The song encourages listeners to spread happiness through their wishes:

"Send it through the air to somebody. Send it everywhere. Perhaps your wish will soon come true." – Unknown Singer [02:01]

This melodic piece serves as a bridge, seamlessly transitioning from the introduction to the upcoming comedy segments.

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Comedy Segment 1: Early Christmas Shopping Fiasco

Unknown Comedians 1 and 2 deliver a humorous sketch centered around the absurdity of being jailed for starting Christmas shopping too early. The comedic duo engages in a witty exchange starting at [03:02]:

Comedian 1: "Come on, you wishbone that. Boy, I been in wishing for you for three, four days. Where you been?"
Comedian 2: "I haven't seen you in about three months."
Comedian 2: "I was doing my Christmas shopping too early."
Comedian 1: "Now how can they put you in jail for doing your Christmas shopping too early?"
Comedian 2: "Well, I don't know, but I guess it was because I was in the store two hours before the man opened up." – Unknown Comedians [03:02 - 05:56]

The humor escalates as Comedian 2 boasts about his extensive yet paradoxical travels, listing both international destinations and seemingly random locations:

"I've been to England, France, Germany, China, Japan, Minnesota, Pennsyl, Tucky, Cincinnati." – Comedian 2 [04:05]

This segment highlights the playful banter typical of old-time radio comedies, effectively engaging the audience with relatable yet exaggerated scenarios.

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Musical Performance: The Foster Trio's "How Irish I Was in Peoria"

Transitioning from the comedy duo, Tom Post introduces the Foster Trio who perform an Irish-themed song titled "How Irish I Was in Peoria." The heartfelt rendition begins at [06:07]:

"There's nothing left for me of days that used to be. I live in memory among my souvenir." – Foster Trio [06:07]

The trio's harmonious vocals and nostalgic lyrics evoke a sense of longing and reminiscence, adding a melodic layer to the episode's exploration of wishes and memories.

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Special Segment: The Great Chinese Sage, Charlie Lip

Adding an international flavor, Charlie Lip, portrayed as the Great Chinese Sage and Philosopher, engages in a comedic dialogue with Tom Post. The interaction begins at [08:32] with the sound of Chinese temple bells signaling Charlie's entrance:

Tom Post: "Excuse your back file."
Charlie Lip: "Oh, you're a translator. Yes, that is the Depression message from Confucius. He say, if you can't make both end meat, make one end vegetable."
Tom Post: "Well, I guess you're right, professor. Things have been tough."
Charlie Lip: "Oh, you're very tough. You savvy. Half the people in the world, he live here on vegetable."
Tom Post: "Well, what about the other half?"
Charlie Lip: "Oh, they live off their relatives." – Charlie Lip & Tom Post [09:07 - 10:25]

Their banter continues with humorous anecdotes about importing businesses and mishaps involving customs officers:

"You hung the ladies laundry over the desert sage and the cactus bush?" – Tom Post [09:53]

"He blow down ladies laundry." – Charlie Lip [11:27]

This segment blends cultural references with slapstick comedy, enriching the episode's diversity and humor.

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Comedy Segment 2: Gillum and Gailey's Wishbone Woes

At [12:01], the focus shifts to the comedic duo Gillum and Gailey, who engage in a playful exchange revolving around wishbones and storytelling:

Gillum: "I wish I had a nickel. What do you want with a nickel, Ted?"
Gailey: "Well, as soon as we get through, I want to telephone a friend of mine."
Gillum: "I wish you'd tell me what's wrong with this story I wrote." – Gillum & Gailey [12:01 - 13:31]

Their dialogue humorously critiques Gillum's overly dramatic writing:

"He gave a burning glance. And then, blazing with wrath and boiling with rage, he administered a scorching rebuke." – Gillum [12:31]

The segment culminates in a catchy, original song parody that pokes fun at Gillum's storytelling style, exemplifying the lighthearted and creative humor characteristic of old-time radio.

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Closing Remarks and Final Musical Nod

Concluding the episode, Tom Post reflects on the recurring theme of wishes and teases future content. A closing musical reprise by the Unknown Singer reinforces the central message:

"Everybody wish, Everybody make a little wish, Little wish while someone makes a wish for you." – Unknown Singer [13:31]

Tom signs off with a motivational note:

"Remember, all you have to do is wish for what you want. Then try and get." – Tom Post [13:42]

This finale encapsulates the episode's celebration of wishes, leaving listeners with a warm, encouraging sentiment.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Tom Post [00:07]: "Wishes, you know, are the greatest thing in the world because you have to wish for a thing before you can get it."

• Unknown Singer [02:01]: "Perhaps your wish will soon come true."

• Comedian 2 [03:14]: "I was doing my Christmas shopping too early."

• Charlie Lip [10:17]: "Postcards."

• Gillum [12:31]: "He gave a burning glance. And then, blazing with wrath and boiling with rage, he administered a scorching rebuke."

• Tom Post [13:42]: "Remember, all you have to do is wish for what you want. Then try and get."

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Conclusion

"Komedie Kapers 34-xx-xx (01) Wishes" offers a rich tapestry of humor, music, and cultural anecdotes, all woven together under the unifying theme of wishes. Tom Post skillfully navigates through various segments, ensuring a seamless and engaging listening experience reminiscent of the beloved Golden Age of Radio. Whether through comedic dialogues, melodic performances, or philosophical musings, the episode encapsulates the timeless charm and warmth that defined early radio entertainment.

Transcript

[Tom Post]

Comedy Capers. And your host is Tom Post. Well, here we are with the music comedy of the air, Comedy Capers. And we sincerely wish that all of you were right here in the studio with us. And speaking of wishes, may we take this opportunity of wishing you all a merry Christmas for the next four years. We might forget to do it later on. Wishes, you know, are the greatest thing in the world because you have to wish for a thing before you can get it. And now let's dedicate this edition of Comedy Capers to wishes. And away we go.

[Unknown Singer]

Everybody wish, everybody make a little wish. Everybody make a little happiness for someone. Send it through the air to somebody. Send it everywhere. Perhaps your wish will soon come true. Hand upon your heart while you make a wish down deep within. Now's the time to start. You will find your wishes bound to wish. Oh, everybody wish. Everybody make a little wish. Little wish when someone makes a wish for you.

[Tom Post]

And as the vacation postcards say, we are having a fine time. Wish you were here too. But since you are not here, here are two boys who are here. Two clouds of dark laughter swore and good.

[Unknown Comedian 1]

Come on, you wishbone that. Boy, I been in wishing for you for three, four days. Where you been? I haven't seen you in about three months.

[Unknown Comedian 2]

Man, I've been in jail.

[Unknown Comedian 1]

You been in jail?

[Charlie Lip]

Uh huh.

[Unknown Comedian 1]

What'd they have you in jail for?

[Unknown Comedian 2]

I was doing my Christmas shopping too early.

[Unknown Comedian 1]

Now how can they put you in jail for doing your Christmas shopping too early?

[Unknown Comedian 2]

Well, I don't know, but I guess it was because I was in the store two hours before the man opened up.

[Unknown Comedian 1]

You guess it was. You know, you was egghead. The trouble as you is you haven't been no place. You haven't traveled.

[Unknown Comedian 2]

Who ain't traveled?

[Unknown Comedian 1]

Well, you haven't.

[Unknown Comedian 2]

Oh man, I've traveled all over this world and two more places beside. Why, buddy, I've traveled resclusively thereof. Where from? In fact, I've traveled from hitherto to way past thither and a little bit further. And then I took a bus.

[Unknown Comedian 1]

Well, boy, if you took a bus, you done some traveling. Now where has you been anyhow?

[Unknown Comedian 2]

Well, here, I'll explain it to you. I've been to England, France, Germany, China, Japan, Minnesota, Pennsyl, Tucky, Cincinnati.

[Tom Post]

Oh, this is that. Oh, not oh.

[Charlie Lip]

Sisinnato.

[Unknown Comedian 1]

Oh, oh ho, no, that ain't the.

[Unknown Comedian 2]

Way you renounce it.

[Tom Post]

It's o.

[Unknown Comedian 2]

Wait a while. Oh.

[Unknown Comedian 1]

Well, where is you at now?

[Unknown Comedian 2]

I'm just leaving. Ohoho.

[Unknown Comedian 1]

Why are you going from.

[Unknown Comedian 2]

Ohoho, South Africa. Now, wait a minute.

[Unknown Comedian 1]

Wait a minute. You can stay right there in South Africa. Before you go any further, tell me one thing. You ever been to Turkey?

[Unknown Comedian 2]

Yeah, I was here about Levin. Teen months.

[Charlie Lip]

Leventeenteen.

[Unknown Comedian 2]

Well, close on to 2012.

[Tom Post]

Ever see a Turkish funeral?

[Unknown Comedian 2]

Ever see a who?

[Unknown Comedian 1]

I say, did you ever attend a Turkish funeral?

[Unknown Comedian 2]

What, me, attend a funeral?

[Foster Trio Member 1]

Mm.

[Unknown Comedian 2]

No, brother. When people stop talking and walking, I'm through with them.

[Unknown Comedian 1]

Now, you don't understand what I mean. You know, in Turkey, when a man dies, they take his body out, lay it on the ground, and then they covers it all over with sand and they leave it there for 72 days. And on the 72nd day, 50 beautiful Turkish women with very few clothes on dance around him. Now, you know why the women with very few clothes on dance around him.

[Unknown Comedian 2]

Yeah. Well, why, brother, if he don't get up, then they know he's dead.

[Tom Post]

Well, after spending all that time in a harem, swore and good, our two very harums. Carom boys. But now, the Foster Trio, who have just visited the wishing well, they will entertain us by not singing the Irish song entitled How Irish I Was in Peoria. The Foster Trio.

[Foster Trio Member 1]

There's nothing left for me of days that used to be I live in memory among my souvenir Some letters tied in blue A photograph or two I see a rose from you among my souvenir A few more tokens Rest within my treasure chest and though they do their best to bring me consolation I count them all apart and as the teardrops start I find a broken heart among my souvenir there's nothing left for me of days that used to be I live in memory among my souvenirs among my souvenirs Some letters tied in.

[Charlie Lip]

Blue.

[Foster Trio Member 1]

A photograph or two I see a rose from you among my souvenirs A few more tokens Rest within my treasure chest and though they do their best to bring me consolation I count them all apart and as the teardrops start I find a broken heart among my souvenir among my souvenir.

[Tom Post]

Thank you. Thank you, girls. That was a Foster trio. And if I could have three wishes, I'd wish for each one of these girls. But now we hear the sound of the Chinese temple bells, incenses burning at the shrine of Buddha. Slowly he approaches the microphone. Clad in Mandarin robes of royal yellow, the great Chinese sage and philosopher, Charlie Lip. Lewin Lung. The Great Lung speaks.

[Charlie Lip]

Excuse your back file.

[Tom Post]

Now, now, professor, please translate that into English, will you?

[Charlie Lip]

Oh, you're a translator. Yes, that is the Depression message from Confucius. He say, if you can't make both end meat, make one end vegetable.

[Tom Post]

Well, I guess you're right, professor. Things have been tough.

[Charlie Lip]

Oh, you're very tough. You savvy. Half the people in the world, he live here on vegetable.

[Tom Post]

Well, what about the other half?

[Charlie Lip]

Oh, they live off their relatives.

[Tom Post]

You're telling me. Talking about vegetables. Did you know the biggest vegetables in the world are grown in Southern California? Yes. Well, my brother grew a pumpkin that was so large, he cut it in half and used the halves for cradles for his twin babies.

[Charlie Lip]

Oh, that. You know, very big.

[Tom Post]

Not big.

[Charlie Lip]

No, no.

[Tom Post]

Well, have you ever heard of a bigger vegetable?

[Charlie Lip]

Oh, yeah, you tell me. When I in San Francisco.

[Tom Post]

Yeah.

[Charlie Lip]

Many times I have seen two police officers asleep on one beat.

[Tom Post]

Say, professor, by the way, you were in the importing business up there, weren't you?

[Charlie Lip]

Oh, I'm very big importer.

[Tom Post]

Oh, you were.

[Charlie Lip]

You survey? I survey. Maybe show importing business. Best of all, very good.

[Tom Post]

Oh, it was. Well, now maybe you can tell me what raw materials are imported from France.

[Charlie Lip]

Postcards.

[Unknown Comedian 1]

Well, I guess you're right.

[Tom Post]

Say, didn't your wife get into an argument with a customs officer the other day when she was getting off the boat with her luggage?

[Charlie Lip]

Oh, yeah. My wife?

[Tom Post]

Yes.

[Charlie Lip]

Oh, yeah. You have a custom officer?

[Tom Post]

Yeah.

[Charlie Lip]

Oh, he make a very bleaky insult to my wife.

[Tom Post]

He insulted your wife?

[Charlie Lip]

Oh, yeah. He make a very bad talk.

[Tom Post]

Oh, I can't understand that. What did the custom officer say to your wife to insult her?

[Charlie Lip]

Oh, yo savvy, he say. Oh, he say she no can go ashore till he sees her trunks. Then she hit him.

[Tom Post]

Well, I. Oh, oh, no, no, no, no. You don't. You don't understand. You don't understand. He didn't mean that. Say, by the way, professor, didn't you write an American hillbilly song?

[Charlie Lip]

Oh, American hillbilly?

[Tom Post]

Yes.

[Charlie Lip]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Post]

Tell me, what inspired you to write that song?

[Charlie Lip]

Oh, my inspiration.

[Tom Post]

Inspiration.

[Charlie Lip]

Your savvy. I catch you laundry in Arizona.

[Tom Post]

Yes, I know you had laundry in Arizona.

[Charlie Lip]

One day I out decide I hang a lady's laundry over desert sage and the cactus bush.

[Tom Post]

You hung the ladies laundry over the desert sage and the cactus bush? Yes, yes, yes.

[Charlie Lip]

Then here come. Oh, very biggie win.

[Unknown Comedian 2]

Here come.

[Gillum]

Yes.

[Charlie Lip]

He blow down ladies laundry.

[Tom Post]

Blew down the laundry.

[Charlie Lip]

Yeah.

[Tom Post]

But I can't understand why that fact should make you have an inspiration to write a hillbilly song. What was the name of the song?

[Charlie Lip]

The Bloomers on the Sage.

[Tom Post]

And now, after Charlie Long, we have Gillum and Gailey who wish they were in the land of cotton but before they finish, we'll all wish they were Gillum and.

[Gillum]

Gailey hey, speaking of wishes, Kenny, you know, I wish I had a nickel. What do you want with a nickel, Ted? Well, as soon as we get through, I want to telephone a friend of mine. Well, here, Ted, take this dime and call all of your friends. I wish you'd do me a favor. Why should I drop? Dad? You're impossible. Now, listen, Ted. Nothing's impossible. Well, that's what I said. You know what I wish? No, what? Oh, a great help you are. But listen, Ted, I do wish you'd do something for me. Why, gladly, Kenny, gladly. What is it? I wish you'd tell me what's wrong with this story I wrote. This story?

[Charlie Lip]

Yeah.

[Gillum]

Why, that's easy. You made your hero too hot headed, Kenny. What do you mean, too hot headed? Well, he had a lantern jaw to begin with, didn't he? And now listen to this line. And so his whole face lit up, his cheeks flamed. He gave a burning glance. And then, blazing with wrath and boiling with rage, he administered a scorching rebuke. I wish you'd stop. Now, that's one wish that's going to be granted right now. How come you do me like you do, do, do how come you do me like you do? How come you always make me feel so blue? I ain't done nothing to you no.

[Tom Post]

Matter where you are.

[Gillum]

No matter where you go you're always gonna reap. Just watch your sow. How come you do me like you do, do, do how come you do me like you do?

[Tom Post]

Well, the other day, Gillum said to Gailey, scratch my wishbone. And gaily scratched Gillum's head for him. Which all goes to prove that a bone in the pocketbook is worth two in the head.

[Unknown Singer]

Everybody wish Everybody make a little wish, Little wish While someone makes a wish for you.

[Tom Post]

And much as we wish. This edition of Comedy Capers. Which has been devoted to wishes. Could keep on going indefinitely. The man says we've got to stop for this time. But we'll be back again soon. And remember, all you have to do is wish for what you want. Then try and get.