Komedy Kingdom 37-xx-xx (01) Royalty

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio - "Komedy Kingdom 37-xx-xx (01) Royalty"

Release Date: April 1, 2025
Duration: Approximately 14 minutes
Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Title: Komedy Kingdom 37-xx-xx (01) Royalty

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Introduction to the Comedy Kingdom

"Komedy Kingdom," hosted by Harold's Old Time Radio, transports listeners back to the Golden Age of Radio, where the enchantment of live performances and vibrant storytelling captivated families gathered around their radio sets. This episode, titled "Royalty," immerses audiences in the whimsical realm of the Comedy Kingdom, a land ruled by Queen Elvia Allman, the esteemed "Queen of Mirth."

Notable Quote:
Jester (00:08): "Hail to the Comedy Kingdom."

Welcoming the Audience

The episode opens with the regal and jovial atmosphere of the Comedy Kingdom. The narrator sets the stage, celebrating the reign of Queen Elvia Allman and her subjects who thrive in a realm dedicated to laughter and joy.

Notable Quote:
Queen Elvia Allman (02:11): "Hello, you merry subjects. A royal welcome to the Comedy Kingdom. Now your only passport is a smile."

Introducing the Royal Court

Queen Elvia Allman introduces her Prime Minister, Joe Blow, who engages in playful banter with incoming guests. The dialogue establishes the kingdom's lightheartedness and the camaraderie among its members.

Notable Quotes:
Jester (02:04): "Long laugh Queen Elvia."
Queen (02:11): "Make yourselves at home in our realm of gaiety, laughter and song."

The Arrival of Rhythm Metro Magistic

The Queen addresses a group of visiting girls from a neighboring kingdom, the Rhythm Metro Magistic, who came to pay homage but initially struggled to locate her. This interaction highlights the interconnectedness of neighboring comedic realms.

Notable Quote:
Elvia Allman (02:35): "They were sent here from a neighboring kingdom to pay their homage to you, Queen, and they couldn't find you."

A Tale from the Land of Nursery Rhyme

The Storyteller narrates a humorous and cautionary tale about a queen struggling with economic woes in the land of Nursery Rhyme. The story serves as a comedic allegory on financial responsibility and leadership.

Notable Quotes:
Storyteller (03:09): "Long ago. Once upon a time there was a queen in the land of nursery rhyme..."
Queen (04:19): "There'd never be a king if you have the money. It's a terrible thing."

Entrance of King Broder

King Broder of Broder and MacDonald arrives in the Comedy Kingdom seeking entertainment and comic relief. His introduction leads to a humorous exchange with the Jester, showcasing the playful dynamics of the royal court.

Notable Quotes:
Jester (05:16): "Well, well, well. So you're the new lad who's crying out for court just today."
Jester (06:05): "Oh, I see, A mince spy."

The Jester's Backstory and Talents

Engaging in witty banter, the Jester reveals his past as a sculptor and his creative endeavors, including designing a bus for the Duke of Hips. This segment highlights the diverse talents and quirky personalities within the Comedy Kingdom.

Notable Quotes:
Jester (05:38): "Besides being a jester, what else do you do? I'm a sculptor."
Jester (06:05): "He said it was a spitting image of him."

Performance of "The India Rubber Man"

Tony Romano, introduced as the court troubadour, performs a comedic song titled "The India Rubber Man." The lyrics humorously depict a circus performer with exaggerated physical traits, blending slapstick humor with musical entertainment.

Notable Quotes:
Tony Romano (08:21):
"I never knew that love could do the things it does.
Until one day you came my way.
I wear a smile and all the while my heart is gay..."
Narrator (07:20): "The India Rubber."

Queen's Wit and Wordplay

Queen Elvia Allman interjects with clever wordplay, tying the performance back to the court's entertainment and reinforcing the theme that "love is king" within the Comedy Kingdom.

Notable Quote:
Queen (07:41): "Well, I guess we has found his jester. Because after all, what's an India Rubber man but solid SAP."

Report from the Neighboring Kingdom of All in Vania

Prime Minister Joe Blow delivers a fragmented and humorous report on a visit to the neighboring kingdom of All in Vania. The report is filled with comedic mishaps and exaggerated historical references, maintaining the show's lighthearted tone.

Notable Quotes:
Elvia Allman (10:18):
"The story of King Henry vi. Or the seventh? Or the eighth? The eighth. Who'll make it eight? I'll make it eight..."
Jester (11:06): "Order in the court."

Closing Remarks and Farewell

The episode concludes with Queen Elvia Allman extending her gratitude to the audience, reaffirming the Comedy Kingdom's commitment to spreading joy and laughter. The Queen's final motto, "uneasy lies the head that wears a frown," encapsulates the show's enduring message of positivity.

Notable Quote:
Queen (14:18): "Remember, uneasy lies the head that wears a frown."

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Conclusion

"Komedy Kingdom 37-xx-xx (01) Royalty" offers listeners a delightful blend of humor, music, and storytelling set within an enchanting royal court. Through engaging dialogues, entertaining performances, and witty exchanges, the episode celebrates the timeless charm of old-time radio comedy. Whether you're a longtime fan or new to Harold's Old Time Radio, this episode promises a hearty laugh and a nostalgic journey back to the golden era of familial radio entertainment.

Transcript

[Jester]

Hail to the Comedy Kingdom.

[Narrator]

Hail to the Comedy Kingdom. Hail to this realm of Mir. Here's to our Queen. May she live before her. Here's to her subjects.

[Jester]

When we laugh, we laugh.

[Narrator]

We'll overthrow away your trouble. Cast beside your blues. Just wear a smile. You will find us all the style in the Comedy Kingdom. S.A.

[Elvia Allman]

Elvia Allman, Queen of Mirth.

[Jester]

Long laugh Queen Elvia.

[Queen]

Hello, you merry subjects. A royal welcome to the Comedy Kingdom. Now your only passport is a smile. And the only thing you must leave outside the boundary is a case of the blue. Make yourselves at home in our realm of gaiety, laughter and song. This time we're entertaining royalty. And most befittingly too is our first greeting to you from the Comedy Kingdom. Where's my Prime Minister, Joe Blow?

[Elvia Allman]

Here I am, Queenie.

[Queen]

All right. What's the first man to be considered?

[Elvia Allman]

Joe? The first flatter or the first thing? Is this your majestic here are free twirl or three girls who have a complaint.

[Queen]

Goodness. What seems to be the trouble?

[Elvia Allman]

They were sent here from a neighboring kingdom to pay their rummage, earn homage to you, Queen, and they couldn't find you.

[Queen]

Oh, that's too bad.

[Elvia Allman]

Yes. Your face red.

[Queen]

I've got a royal flush. Well, who are these girls?

[Elvia Allman]

They call themselves the Rhythm Metro Magistic. But they finally found you.

[Queen]

Oh, they did, did they? Well, where was I?

[Storyteller]

Long ago. Once upon a time there was a queen in the land of nursery rhyme. She had a bad bread and honey. She had every evening a tea time came. If the king on his business went to view his troops or to open parliament, his cavalcade would be always delayed. And the heralds would all proclaim.

[Narrator]

Here comes the King. But where was the Queen?

[Storyteller]

The Queen was in the parlor, she was darning socks. Cause the bloomin empire it had gone. On the rock scene the king was getting ready. Had to go to timing, Though I hate to say so. He was hopping up crowd. He told the Queen the royal mag checker had been overdrawn, the dole was gone. She replied it's no time for fool and better get a job or we'll be in the bread line.

[Narrator]

Moral of the story.

[Storyteller]

There'd never be.

[Narrator]

A king if you have the money. It's a terrible thing. It's a terrible thing.

[Queen]

Well, I was certainly in the money. But after all, what's the Queen without her jacks? Well, Prime Minister, what's the next audience?

[Elvia Allman]

Here's a king who's come to the Comedy Kingdom to find a pester or an esther Or a clown.

[Queen]

Isn't that Paul Wright? Who is he?

[Elvia Allman]

King Broder of Broder and MacDonald.

[Jester]

Hey, where'd he go? Where'd he go?

[Elvia Allman]

King.

[Jester]

Oh, boy. Oh, King. Here you are, King. You know. You know, I've been looking all over for you, fella. Hi ya. Yippee and stuff.

Well, well, well. So you're the new lad who's crying out for court just today. Tell me, where did you work before you came here?

I worked. I worked in a glue factory. In a glue factory? See, King. But I got kicked out in the counter. I had an argument with the boss.

Well, what happened?

He gave me a paste in the mouth.

Oh, I see. Besides being a jester, what else do you do?

I'm a sculptor.

I thought you looked like a chiseler.

No kidding, King. You know why just last week I designed the bus for the Duke of Hips. It was designed as a fountain head.

And how did he like it?

He said it was a spitting image of him. King.

Well, you're very clever, aren't you?

I'm some fun, I am, sure. But I'm not as clever as my brother, though. He watches money.

Watches money?

Yeah, he's a spy and a mint.

Oh, I see, A mince spy.

Some joke. I'll say. He's smart, all right. You know, he's awfully funny. You know, we used to waken a circus together.

A circus?

[Narrator]

Yeah.

[Jester]

Sells floato?

No, no. Sells peanuts, King. Sells. You know, we wrote a song. We wrote a song when we was in the circus. We wrote one about one of the freaks. Would you like to hear it? It's called the India Rubber Man.

Why, of course I'd like to hear it. The India Rubber man, eh? Whatever happened to him?

Oh, he got arrested. He's doing a stretch up the river now.

Mmm, what a snap. What a snap.

[Narrator]

Tell a K. Teller.

[Jester]

Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry. It's a high mind safe, sane and sensational show. You'll enjoy it. Step a little poker.

[Narrator]

Poke a little closer.

[Jester]

Now, you've heard of the man on the flyest trapeze and you know of the tattooed lady. But there's one circus freak that you've all yet to meet a cad and I don't mean maybe. Oh, fie, fie, fie on the guy who can form an ape with his spine. Now he's nasty and yellow, this beast of a fellow, you can see him for a dime. Oh, snap, snap. The lap on the rack you can stretch like a rubber band. Now my gal turned me down for this side show Clown. The India Rubber man. Hitting it, King.

[Narrator]

O.

[Jester]

The India rubber.

[Narrator]

The India Rubber.

[Jester]

The India Rubber man. Now what my girl saw in this.

[Elvia Allman]

Chump I'll never understand.

[Jester]

He stole my honey. My sweet little bunny who was my pride and joy. And so, Mayo.

For she married the doe and was.

[Tony Romano]

Blessed with a bouncing ball.

[Queen]

Well, I guess we has found his jester. Because after all, what's an India Rubber man but solid SAP.

[Storyteller]

Aha.

[Queen]

If my ears betray me not. Doth that not sound like my court troubadour?

[Elvia Allman]

Yes, queenie, it doth. It is none other than Tony Romano.

[Queen]

Welcome, welcome, Tony Romano. The queen commands thee to bring a new message of hope to all the spinster ladies of the comedy kingdom. Sing, Tony.

[Tony Romano]

I never knew that love could do the things it does. Until one day you came my way. I wear a smile and all the while my heart is gay. My lips caress you. I possess you. Love is king. Sorrow doesn't mean nothing. Sky rules and tarnish. I'm new, you are mine and love is king. You're my queen, bringing me a joy supreme. Sweet dream is now I real it seems since your mind, dear. Love is king. I had to fight for love or else let it pass me by, dear. But how could I lose our battle of hearts With Cupid for my spide here. Long live love. It came to us from up above. Your, yes, brought me happiness. You are mine and love is king.

[Queen]

Ah, yes. Love is king. Long long live the king. Joe, didn't you have a report to make of your recent visit to our neighboring kingdom of all in Vania?

[Elvia Allman]

Yes, your majesty.

[Queen]

We'll go right ahead.

[Elvia Allman]

The story of King Henry vi. Or the seventh? Or the eighth? The eighth. Eighth. Who'll make it eight? I'll make it eight. I sold for eight to little Elmer Puts and Tucket. It was in the year 1865. 1776. 1492. That was a long time ago. A whole nation. A big crowd of people. A lot of people. They were a couple of guys there. It was way up in the northern part of it. You go under, you pass over in between a couple. It was right. I don't know where it was. A king entered the court with a hop, skip and a jaw. He was doing the shimsha. He was trying. Well, he got there. Clouds hung heavy over. The sun didn't shine. It was dark as pit. You couldn't see a. It was night Cord. The king picked up his axe or the hammer or the gavel. Yeah, he picked it up and he pounded on the bench and he said. What did he say? He said, knock, knock. No. He said. He said.

[Jester]

Order.

[Elvia Allman]

Order in the court. Order. Order in the court. The queen said, I'll have ham and eggs. No. Excuse me, King. And uptake the court Jester. Who are you? Cried the king. The jester said he. Jester who? Oh, jester. Itsy bitsy boy trying to get. Whereupon the king arose in all his majesty, beheaded the queen and said. Here, take this one in and off. The king's son on his gallant charger. Oh, the king's son. He's a swell. You'd like him. He was a nice little. He was a swell. He was a prince. He said, hiya, pappy. What's doin'oh? What's going on here? And the king said, oh, just an old fashioned barbecue. And the cannons roared. Lightning. Pantomime. Pan. That was a lot of trouble. Pandemonium. Rained. It rained and it rained. And oh, how it rained for 40 days and 40 nights. No, that was a Johnstown flood. And the whole court stood up and they said, hey, King, it's all wet. And the king rose slowly to his feet, smiled sweetly and said, okay, kids. Court adjourned.

[Narrator]

The king's horses the king's men March down the street and they marched back again the king's horses I'm the king's man the king's horses the king's men Marched down the street and they marched back again the king's horses and the king's men.

[Queen]

Well, glad you've had the pleasure of entertaining you. And we'll be waiting for our next chance to give you a warm royal welcome to the Comedy kingdom. And remember, uneasy lies the head that wears a frown.