Last Nighter xx-xx-xx (02) Red Indian Little Theater

Summary

Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Last Nighter xx-xx-xx (02) Red Indian Little Theater
Release Date: February 4, 2025

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Introduction by Host

Timestamp: [00:43]

The episode opens with the Host welcoming listeners to the Red Indian Little Theater, humorously acknowledging a pun gone awry: “...that's as bad a pun as I've ever heard” ([00:48]). He sets a lighthearted tone by introducing Jimmy Greer, who performs a musical number, albeit with a comedic twist as band members don baseball masks to temper Jimmy's seriousness.

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Musical Interlude: Jimmy Greer's Performance

Timestamp: [00:43 – 03:13]

Jimmy Greer takes the stage, depicted as “sort of poised in mid-air with his baton for a downbeat” ([00:46]). His performance is described as a "little rumba rhythmy," highlighting the blend of traditional and whimsical elements characteristic of the show's musical segments. The Host praises Jimmy, saying, “That was swell, Jimmy” ([03:13]), appreciating his lively yet controlled rendition.

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Comedy Skit: Oscar and Elmer Discuss Oscar's Girlfriend

Timestamp: [03:40 – 09:49]

Following the musical interlude, the Host introduces two recurring characters, Oscar and Elmer, portrayed as "well-known first citizens of Taney County, Arkansas." The dialogue delves into Oscar's rugged and industrious girlfriend, painting a vivid, humorous picture of her resilience and unconventional traits.

Key Highlights:

• Oscar’s Description of His Girlfriend: Oscar humorously details his girlfriend’s physical attributes and hardworking nature: “She stands 290 pounds and 6.200 cotton feet” ([03:58]). He elaborates on her relentless work ethic, from early morning chores to maintaining the household, culminating in her unique method of acquiring a new car: “She swapped Lem Peters out of his old 1916 Chevrolet... for two stacks of moldy hay and a setting of the duck egg” ([04:30]).

• Discussion of Claude: The characters mention Claude, Oscar’s brother, who has lifelong fits, leading to comical anecdotes about his hunting misadventures: “He just hunts rabbits and has fish... He fell over and broke the milk stool and shot the best cow in the barn” ([05:26]).

Notable Quote:

• Oscar humorously laments his girlfriend’s unconventional traits: “She just stands 290 pounds and 6.200 cotton feet... She just a bit of Smith. Care to drive it neither?” ([04:20]).

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Drama Segment: "Ten Nights in a Tepee"

Timestamp: [06:23 – 09:49]

The Host transitions to a dramatic flair, introducing a thriller titled “Ten nights in a tepee or through the Biltmore lobby was flint and flyswatter.” This segment satirizes stereotypical portrayals of Native Americans through exaggerated characters and situations.

Scene Breakdown:

1. Introduction of Hottawada the Plumber:

   • Timestamp: [07:00 – 07:04]
     Host describes the protagonist, Hottawada, caught reciting an epic poem: “Indian caught red handed... reciting that old classic” ([06:23]).

2. Interaction with Pale Face:

   • Timestamp: [07:38 – 09:49]
     The Host engages in a comedic exchange with Pale Face, portraying a stereotypical Native American. Their dialogue includes humorous misunderstandings and cultural misrepresentations, such as:
     • Host’s awkward attempts at conversation and courting gestures:
       • “Would you like to marry me? We could spend our honeymoon out in the Mojave Desert” ([08:46]).
       • Pale Face’s corrections and rebuffs: “That's pronounced Mojave... you’re not so hot” ([09:00]).
     • The clash of cultural expectations leads to exaggerated comedic tension, culminating in Pale Face’s departure: “Goodbye. Please twerk” ([09:47]).

Notable Quote:

• Host's humorous self-deprecation regarding his appearance: “If I had a razor blade, I'd shave” ([09:06]).

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Musical Performance: Elmer’s Solo

Timestamp: [11:02 – 12:41]

Elmer takes center stage with a soulful solo performance, delivering an emotionally charged rendition of a love ballad. His performance explores themes of vulnerability and heartache, encapsulated in the lyrics:

"Why am I falling for you? It must be my foolish heart...
You've got me under your spell. You knew it right from the start...
I've got to let myself be ruled again by what my foolish heart may tell me to do about loving you." ([11:02])

The Host provides minimal interruption, allowing Elmer’s heartfelt performance to resonate with listeners, adding depth to the episode's varied content.

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Conclusion

While advertisements bookend the episode, the core content offers a mix of musical performances and comedic skits that reflect the nostalgic charm of the Golden Age of Radio. The Host's playful interactions, coupled with the engaging characters of Oscar, Elmer, and Pale Face, create an entertaining and immersive listening experience reminiscent of family gatherings around the radio.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Host on pun mishap: “...that's as bad a pun as I've ever heard” ([00:48]).
• Host praising Jimmy Greer: “That was swell, Jimmy” ([03:13]).
• Oscar describing his girlfriend: “She stands 290 pounds and 6.200 cotton feet... She just a bit of Smith. Care to drive it neither?” ([04:20]).
• Host self-deprecation: “If I had a razor blade, I'd shave” ([09:06]).
• Elmer’s heartfelt lyrics: “Why am I falling for you? It must be my foolish heart...” ([11:02]).

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This episode of Harold's Old Time Radio masterfully blends humor, drama, and music, capturing the essence of classic radio entertainment while infusing it with contemporary comedic elements. Whether through the rugged tales of Oscar and Elmer or the poignant melodies of Elmer’s solo, listeners are treated to a rich tapestry of storytelling that honors the golden era of radio.

Transcript

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[Host]

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is your friend, the last nighter again, speaking from the Red Indian Little Theater. The Red Indian Little Theater. Just off times squaw. And that's as bad a pun as I've ever heard. But it just goes to show you what will happen if you don't read your script over before you go on the air. In the meantime, here's Jimmy Greer sort of poised in mid air with his baton for a downbeat. Since the boys in the band found out that Jimmy is really serious not to stay a little wild with his downbeat, the fellows in the first two rows are wearing baseball masks. Well, I thought you might like it anyhow. Here he goes with a little rumba rhythmy 1 and 2 and.

[Advertiser 2]

It'S.

[Host]

That was swell, Jimmy. I'd ask you to sit down and take a rest, but we need a little theme music for a couple of guests we had in the little theater tonight. Right now the boys are in the wings taking boss as fast as they can before they start the rag. They're no fools. All right, Jimmy. Theme, please. If those two well known first citizens of Taney County, Arkansas, Oscar and Elmer.

[Oscar]

Elmer.

[Elmer]

The man's ready.

[Oscar]

Yeah, well, he, he. He's just gonna have to wait a minute. I have to tell you, I feel bad all over Oscar. I just got a letter from my gal teen back in Arkansas.

[Elmer]

Whose teen? That gal over the ridge.

[Oscar]

Ain't I never said. Ain't I never said I told you about my gal?

[Elmer]

No.

[Oscar]

Well, she ain't very good looking. She just. She's just sweet. She stands 290 pounds and 6. 200 cotton feet. Do chores just like a man. Boy, when Sunday comes and she dresses up, something's really done. Is she a good worker? She got everything she ever got by hard knocks. Used to get up in the day of the winter and go down to the barn at 4 o'clock in the morning. Get the old cows out of the house and cows out of bed. Make them give till it hurt. Then she'd clean out the barn. Separate, water the creams from the last lot of chickens, feed the hogs, chop wood and build a fire. And by that time it was 5:00 in the morning. Her old man upstairs with rheumatism was taking his head out of the window. I started screaming for breakfast. Got any book learning she can read and write. And I had a little. Went to district number five. For six months. Last six weeks, she waited in six miles of snow clean up to her hips twice a day. That night, the big blizzard. She froze her. She froze her. Froze her feet. Is she still going? Oh, yeah. She's got a new car now. She swapped Lem Peters out of his old 1916 Chevrolet. She got a swell car. She. She got it for two stacks of moldy hay and a setting of the duck egg. It's got two wire wheels, one disc and two or three woods. And boy, she ain't a. She ain't a bit of Smith. Care to drive it neither? She'll take corners and that thing Oscar. Doing. Doing. Doing 5 miles hour. Never think nothing of it. She just. That's an old daredevil. She goes to town a half hour. Of course, it's only a mile and a half and downhill all the way, but still open rough.

[Elmer]

Say, I used to know her. Ain't she got a little brother?

[Oscar]

Oh, you mean. You mean Claude? Claude?

[Elmer]

Yeah.

[Oscar]

Oh, he's 19 years old now. He. He has fits. He had him ever since. Ever since he was. Ever since he was born. He fished the fit when he was just a baby and they was gonna smack him in the head with an ax and they couldn't find Axe and he got too big to put in the sack, so they just let him grow. What's he doing now? Whittling? No, he just. He just hunts rabbits and has fish. He's apt to come right out in the front room and they got company with a couple of dead rabbits in one hand, the guys with a gun in the other and throw a fit right there in his talking feet. Gonna make him quit hunting, though. Why, last week he was sitting asleep on the melt school down the barn lot with a gun on his little app. Dreamed. I dreamed he was hunting some nice gunks or rabbits or something. Pulled both barrels, the gun kicked him in the mouth, knocked all his teeth out. Both hammers come down on his thumbs. He fell over and broke the milk stool and shot the best cow in the barn.

[Host]

And now for the drama, a real thriller replete with the lore of the red man and the ways of the Savages. A little beauty entitled Ten nights in a tepee or through the Biltmore lobby was flint and flyswatter. Well, things are bad all over the country. Anyhow. In the first scene, our Indian hero is caught red handed reciting an epic poem. That's a nice touch. Indian caught red handed. Well, never mind. He's reciting that old classic, the red Menace in your home or Hottawada the plumber. Overture, please. By the shores of Gitchi Gummy by the chewing gum dispensers Stands our red man Stands our man of plumbing fixtures chawing mournfully and singing sadly Singing is our hero.

[Pale Face]

Just a minute, twerp. What is this Hottawada singing so sadly?

[Host]

Well, the poor fella just spent the night in a hotel and he's singing the uncomfortable pajama song.

[Pale Face]

So what's the Uncomfortable pajama song?

[Host]

Oh, Lord, you made the nightie too long. Well, we now come to scene two.

[Pale Face]

Listen, hangnails, you're writing these scenes awfully short.

[Host]

Yeah, I know, but I just washed my typewriter and I can't do a thing with it. Anyhow. The second scene of our drama opens upon a lonely Indian campfire. And sitting around it, a big chief dotted line of the escrow Indians. Big Chief Uncle Tom, who leads the Blackfeet Indians. And big Chief Eagle Beak, who leads the studio orchestra Indians. It's a big moment. Curtain.

[Oscar]

Me, big chief. How?

[Host]

What?

[Oscar]

Me no say what. Me say how.

[Host]

Oh, how. Well, it's really very simple. You take one part Italian vermouth, one part ketchup and one part hair oil mix early and throw out the window. Nothing to it.

[Pale Face]

Hey, chief, big news. We just captured another wagon train of pioneers.

[Oscar]

He good. Did you get leader of pioneer?

[Elmer]

Sure.

[Pale Face]

Right after the battle. When we found him, he had an axe in his stomach.

[Oscar]

Over easy. Please, man had what I said when.

[Pale Face]

We found the guy had an ax in his stomach.

[Host]

You know, chief, a Tommy hawk. Hi there, my blossom.

[Pale Face]

Hey, wait a minute. Who is this guy?

[Oscar]

Hug him. Visiting white man.

[Pale Face]

Yeah. Why does he wear a bucket over his head?

[Host]

Because I'm a pale face, you dope.

[Oscar]

How Pale face.

[Host]

How. Chief, how's about a drink?

[Oscar]

No, me sorry. All braves my tribe wear eagle feathers. We never drink except with those who wear eagle feather.

[Pale Face]

Ugh. Birds of a feather get crocked together.

[Oscar]

Ugh.

[Pale Face]

Ugh.

[Oscar]

Ugh.

[Host]

What was that last crack?

[Oscar]

Ugh.

[Host]

That's better. You better keep a civil tongue in your head or I'll make you go and sit with the girls. As for you, my little Indian, Corny Flower, you intrigued me. Tell me, where did you come from?

[Pale Face]

Oh, I just grew up here in the forest.

[Host]

I get it. Aged in the wood. But would you like to marry me? We could spend our honeymoon out in the Mojave Desert.

[Pale Face]

Look, I'm just a stranger around here, I guess. The what desert?

[Host]

The Mojave.

[Pale Face]

Pardon my cuticle, but that's pronounced Mojave.

[Host]

Oh, Mojave.

[Pale Face]

Yeah, Mojave. Anyhow, you're not so hot. Just look at that beard of yours.

[Host]

Sorry. If I had a razor blade, I'd shave. I guess I got one in there. But tell me more about yourself, my weak cactus berry. What about your family?

[Pale Face]

Well, my father was a Sioux and my mother was a Sioux.

[Host]

Which makes you an old Sioux. And Sue. Right? May I have this dance?

[Oscar]

Say, wait a minute. I am a Sioux. Are you the guy who kidnapped so many my tribe?

[Host]

Not me. I haven't a Sioux in my name.

[Oscar]

Why, you. I ought to kill you.

[Pale Face]

No, don't kill him. You must punish him. Why don't you banish him?

[Host]

Yeah, the banishing American look. How's about it? Will you marry me?

[Pale Face]

Well, I won't marry you unless you dress like an Indian. For instance, you'll have to wear moccasins.

[Host]

Wear moccasin? Wait a minute. What's moccasin?

[Pale Face]

Why, everybody knows that moccasin's a big shoe.

[Host]

That's funny. Moccasin's a big heel.

[Pale Face]

Goodbye. Please twerk.

[Elmer]

Why am I falling for you? It must be my foolish heart for after all you've known me to fall before and what are you trying to do to me in my foolish heart? Against our will we feel the old thrill once more. Fooled again Will I end up by being fooled again? And will I let myself be ruled again by what my foolish heart may tell me to do about loving you? You've got me under your spell. You knew it right from the start. I'm yours to take although you may break my foolish heart.

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[Advertiser 2]

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[Advertiser 1]

Shop these deals at your local Kroger today or click the screen now to download the Fred Meyer app. To Save Big today. Fred Meyer Fresh for everyone. Prices and product availability subject to change restrictions apply. See site for details. Access Big savings every day. All in the Fred Meyer app.

[Advertiser 2]

Get tender USDA Choice Boneless Chuck Roast for $5.99 a pound, then get two liter bottles of Coca Cola, Pepsi or 7Up for 149 each, all with your card and a digital coupon.

[Advertiser 1]

Shop these deals at your local Kroger today or click the screen now to download the Fred Meyer app to save big today. Fred Meyer Fresh for everyone. Prices and product availability subject to change restrictions apply. See site for details.