Last Nighter xx-xx-xx (05) Horrible Little Theater

Summary

Podcast Summary: Last Nighter xx-xx-xx (05) Horrible Little Theater

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
Date: November 2, 2025
Episode Theme:
An irreverent, comedic recreation of 1940s radio theater, brimming with meta-jokes and theatrical chaos. The episode pokes fun at the conventions and mishaps of showbusiness with rapid-fire banter and witty repartee, capturing both the glamour and the absurdity of “Hollywood” through parody and wordplay.

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Main Themes and Purpose

• A satirical homage to the “Golden Age of Radio,” specifically lampooning the dramatic and comedic tropes of classic radio dramas.
• The episode starts as a dramatic performance about Hollywood but swiftly devolves into a comedic backstage farce, with recurring interruptions, failed date attempts, and the slapstick assembly of a melodramatic story.
• Through clever banter and running gags (“Mutiny on the Bounty”—“Botany on the Mountie”), the ensemble highlights the unpredictable, chaotic nature of live old-time radio—reminding us why families once gathered around to share both laughter and suspense.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: The Zazu Zazu Zaz Club

• [00:43] The “Last Nighter” welcomes listeners to the Zazu Zazu Zaz Club, humorously noting the absence of celebrities ("it looks like some of the checks will be paid... just kidding, of course").
  • Quote: B: “There isn't a celebrity or a guest artist in the place, so it looks like some of the checks will be paid... Just kidding, of course. Yeah, but not much. Never mind.”
• The host lampoons the glitzy myth of Hollywood and radio drama by describing the night as “tastefully trimmed in lavender lace and decorated with a touch of dried mustard.”

2. Comedy of Errors: The Annie Boom Telephone Escapade

• [02:12] Joey (B) tries to invite Annie Boom (C) on multiple dates, but she rebuffs him with quick-witted sarcasm.
  • B’s nervousness about dial telephones sets the farcical mood:
    B: “I've been superstitious to dial telephones ever since I got my fingers stuck in a meat grinder.”
• The phone call exchange is packed with rhymes, gentle insults, and failed date timings:
  • [02:56] C: “Well, I was feeling pretty fair until I saw your face appear.”
  • [03:53] C: “Wait a minute. How much is a nominal sum?”
    B: “Oh, about $500.”
    C: “Nothing doing. I can have him shot for $10.”
  • [04:12] C: “Just look at you. Look at those bags under your eyes... You didn't have those yesterday.”
    B: “No, those are overnight bags.”
  • [04:53] C: “I wouldn’t go out with you if you were the last man on earth. You understand that?”
    B: “Sure, I get it. I know how you feel. You can't hardly wait, eh? Okay, Annie, how's about tomorrow night?”

3. Meta-Theater and Skewering Storytelling

• [05:01] The cast tries (and fails) to launch into the scheduled drama—first Hollywood, then Canadian wilderness, with plans constantly disrupted by jokes and cast confusion.
  • [05:11] B: “Well, maybe it's just as well. We've got Jerry Shelton to back up our musical moments.”
  • [05:48] They preview “The Smell of the Yukon,” featuring the Royal Northwestern Mounted Police—then promptly detour again.

4. The Ongoing “Title” Gag: Mutiny on the Bounty vs. Botany on the Mountie

• [07:24–08:47] A hilarious argument unfolds over what to call their drama, twisting it from a classic adventure to a nonsensical pun.
  • [08:08] C: “Now get this and quit plugging. Mutiny on the Bounty. In my drama, the hero is a mounted policeman who has chased the villain without rest for 10 years.”
  • [08:41] B: “Let me get this. The villain throws a handful of petunia seeds over the mounted policeman.”
  • [08:44] B: “Botany on the Mountie. Ah, it gets me.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [00:43] B: “A drama tentatively titled Hollywood After Breakfast. And if you don't think Hollywood is after breakfast I dare you to walk down the boulevard looking like you had an extra dime in your pocket.”
• [03:26] C: “Yeah, To a dime, double feature show. Topping off, drinking sodas at the Sugar Bowl.”
  B: “Well, one with two straws. Oh, I'm talking like a millionaire. I know, but when I go, I really go.”
• [04:53] C: (delivering the final blow in the phone call) “I have never wanted to go out with you. I never will want to go out with you. Why, I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last man on earth.”
• [08:44] B: (delighted with his own pun): “Botany on the Mountie. Ah, it gets me.”

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Important Segments & Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------------| | 00:43 | Opening monologue and Zaz Club setup | | 02:12 | Phone call comedy routine | | 03:53 | Divorce-for-hire joke | | 04:12 | Insults escalate, Annie rebuffs Joey clearly | | 05:01 | Attempted shift to radio drama “Smell of the Yukon” | | 07:24 | Script arguments: Hollywood vs. Yukon drama | | 08:44 | “Botany on the Mountie” pun payoff |

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Tone and Language

• The episode gleefully mimics the snappy banter and vaudevillian delivery of 1940s radio, with layer upon layer of wordplay, hyperbolic drama, and meta-commentary.
• The repartee is tongue-in-cheek, often breaking the fourth wall and lampooning not just the world of radio, but itself as a performance.

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Summary:

“Last Nighter xx-xx-xx (05) Horrible Little Theater” is a rollicking, self-aware send-up of old-time radio drama conventions. Through rapid-fire banter, relentless jokes, and affectionate parody, the cast takes listeners on a comedic roller coaster from failed romantic pursuits to ever-escalating arguments over melodramatic narratives. Whether lampooning Hollywood excess or concocting titles like “Botany on the Mountie,” this episode is an exuberant tribute to both the brilliance and absurdity of classic radio theater.

Transcript

[A]

And Doug, here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug Limu.

[B]

Is that guy with the binoculars watching us?

[A]

Cut the camera. They see us. Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty. Liberty.

[B]

Liberty. Liberty Savings.

[A]

Very unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates. Excludes Massachusetts.

[B]

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is your friend, the Last nighter again speaking in the horrible little theater pulling forth tonight from Hollywood's famous Zazu Zazu Zaz Club. Well, it's a great night here at the Zazu Zazu Zaz Club. There isn't a celebrity or a guest artist in the place, so it looks like some of the checks will be paid. I'm just kidding, of course. Yeah, but not much. Never mind. Never mind now. Well, tonight our intrepid band of thespians is literally straining at the news. Yeah, I always did think they ought to be hung. You're a cute kid. Now quiet. Our drama for the evening, tastily trimmed in lavender lace and decorated with a touch of dried mustard, deals with the motion picture capital with all of its glamour and gaiety and romance and leeringly capital S, X. Nudge, nudge. It's a griping grammar of the film city with its heartthrobs and heartbreaks and coca cola at 10 cents a bottle. A drama tentatively titled Hollywood After Breakfast. And if you don't think Hollywood is after breakfast I dare you to walk down the boulevard looking like you had an extra dime in your pocket. Hey, wait a minute. What do you think you are with all this talk, a philosopher? You sound like Voltaire. I sound like who? Voltaire. Voltaire? You mean Voltaire Ventul. Well, thanks. Never mind. Just jump over it. Well, that's mighty real of you, colonel. And now, with parched throat and a fevered brow which makes a very stunning ensemble we suddenly come to the realization that we can't go on with a drama after all. Our leading lady, Miss Annie Boom, isn't here yet. Just my luck. Everybody here at the Zazu Zazu Stuff Club with a beautiful girl. And I haven't even got any. Oh, me? Well, you gotta get a date. Joe, here's the phone. Call her up. Oh, no. Not on a dial telephone. So why not a dial telephone? Are you superstitious?

[C]

Sure.

[B]

I've been superstitious to dial telephones ever since I got my fingers stuck in a meat grinder. Did it remove the cuticle no. Yeah, right up to my elbow. Well, here, give me the phone. I'll dial it. What's her number? Just one. She's not so many. No, no, I mean her phone number. Oh, it's Morningside 11350. But just dial it a couple of times. This is a short program.

[C]

Hello, stupid.

[B]

Hello? What is this? She must have recognized your voice. Well, I haven't said anything yet. Well, you better hurry up. Times are wasting. Okay.

[C]

Hello? Hello?

[B]

Hello.

[C]

Hello?

[B]

My gosh, how this thing echoes. Now what do I do? Go on, ask her for a date. Okay. Hello there, Ms. Boomeroo. This is Joey. How are you?

[C]

Well, I was feeling pretty fair until I saw your face appear.

[B]

Always kidding, aren't you, though?

[C]

You call it kidding? I don't think so. Why don't you scram? Right. On your way.

[B]

Well, look, I've got something I'd like to say. Now, what you gonna do on Monday night? Let's do the town and do it right.

[C]

I'm too, too sorry, Joseph. I'll be busy Monday night.

[B]

Oh, well, Monday night is bad for me. I tighten up my kneecap. Then you see. So, what you say, Annie? How's about for Tuesday night and we could go, oh, you know.

[C]

Yeah, To a dime, double feature show. Topping off, drinking sodas at the Sugar Bowl.

[B]

Well, one with two straws. Oh, I'm talking like a millionaire. I know, but when I go, I really go.

[C]

You only think you go dilly. I'll be busy Tuesday night anyhow. Growing pain. You shouldn't be asking me for dates. I'm gonna be married soon.

[B]

Well, I'm a lawyer. I'll get you a divorce.

[C]

Now you think you're talking. Can you really get me a divorce?

[B]

Why, certainly. For a nominal sum. I'll start proceedings at once.

[C]

Wait a minute. How much is a nominal sum?

[B]

Oh, about $500.

[C]

Nothing doing. I can have him shot for $10.

[B]

Well, there's something in what you say. But what about our date?

[C]

Are you still here? I can't go out with you. Just look at you. Look at those bags under your eyes. Huh? I said you look terrible. Look at those bags under your eyes. You didn't have those yesterday.

[B]

No, those are overnight bags. Look, if you won't go out with me Monday night or Tuesday night how's about Ninsdy White or Whitesty Men or Nightstywin? Hey, look, what you gonna do on Thursday night? Let's get some string and fly a kite.

[C]

I forgot to tell you, Torpy. I'm getting married Thursday. Night.

[B]

Oh, well, Friday night will be okay. We'll go to the Biltmore if you'll pay. So what'd you say, Ann? How's about this Friday night and after the dance romance, we'll go for a nice long walk.

[C]

I see. Your idea of a large evening is just walk and talk.

[B]

Why, sure. And if you can't make it on Friday night, Saturday will be all right. Hey, what you say, Annie?

[C]

You really want to know what I say?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, I don't want to go out with you. I have never wanted to go out with you. I never will want to go out with you. Why, I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last man on earth. You understand that?

[B]

Sure, I get it. I know how you feel. You can't hardly wait, eh? Okay, Annie, how's about tomorrow night? Oh, shuck. What is it about me that brings out the major bows in everyone? Well, maybe it's just as well. We've got Jerry Shelton to back up our musical moments. So without much Ado or McAdoo or the Mikado or even Hayley Selassie to grab ourselves a load of the opium dream as dead on Jerry's stomach Pincher anytime now, Jerry. Ah, there. And have we got a drama tonight? Tonight our cast presents a soul stirring drama of the great Canadian wild. Featuring the Royal Northwestern Mounted Police, the man they almost always get, and two bottles of ginger ale we had left over from last night. A thrilling little thing entitled the Smell of the Yukon. And Yukon have it. There'll probably be a little argument about that.

[C]

Wait a minute. I thought we were gonna have a drama about Hollywood. You want to do a drama about the Northwestern minded police? I've got one of mine we can do. Well, that is, I've got it all except the title. And is it terrific. Why in the first.

[B]

Not titles. Titles, that's the important thing. Mutiny on the Bounty. Is that a title?

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Look, in the first act of my drama we see the hero, the type of man all girls dream about.

[B]

White, gleaming hair, strong curly teeth. I know the type. Would you take this? Mutiny on the Bounty. What a title. What situation situations you want.

[C]

Look, has this drama got a situation? The hero is a member of the Northwestern Mounted Police who trails a villain for 10 years.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, but it's been done before. Now, Mutiny on the Bounty. They really have novel situations. And what a smash title. Ah, it gets me. Mutiny on the Bounty.

[C]

Listen, throw a button on your lip, will ya? That's all this drama of mine needs is a smash title. It's got a novel situation. Now get this and quit plugging. Mutiny on the Bounty. In my drama, the hero is a mounted policeman who has chased the villain without rest for 10 years.

[B]

Uh huh.

[C]

Well, just as he finally catches up to the villain, a terrific dust storm comes up. He falls exhausted, and as the dust slowly covers the mounted policeman, the villain sneeringly throws a handful of petunia seeds over his prostrate form.

[B]

Wait a minute, wait a minute. This is better than Mutiny on the Bounty. Let me get this. The villain throws a handful of petunia seeds over the mounted policeman.

[C]

I said it and you repeated.

[B]

Well, there's your smash title.

[C]

What?

[B]

Botany on the Mountie. Ah, it gets me.

[C]

Botany on the Mountie. I think you'd better carry on, James. There's gonna be tr. Sam. It's. It's Sam.

[A]

And Doug. Here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.

[B]

Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us?

[A]

Cut the camera. They see us. Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[C]

Liberty.

[B]

Liberty. Liberty Savings.

[A]

Very unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company affiliates. Excludes Massachusetts.