Leave It To Mike 1946-01-01 Chance To Act On Radio

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Leave It To Mike" Episode – January 1, 1946: "Chance To Act On Radio"

Introduction

In this episode of "Leave It To Mike", hosted by Walter Kinsella as Mike McNally, listeners are taken into the comedic and somewhat chaotic life of Mike, the general manager of Berkeley Sporting Goods Store. The episode, set against the backdrop of post-war America, navigates Mike's aspirations of becoming a great actor influenced by Hollywood icons, his interactions with his sweetheart Denny Wi, and the ensuing misadventures as he attempts to break into the acting world.

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Act 1: Mike's Aspirations and Denny's Support

[00:00 - 05:08]

The episode opens with Mike McNally showcasing his deep commitment to his job at Berkeley Sporting Goods Store. Mr. Barkley, presumably his supervisor, commends Mike's dedication:

Mr. Barkley: "You take a great interest in your job, don't you, Mike?"
Mike McNally: "Absolutely, Mr. Barry. It's the only way to succeed."

Despite his apparent success at the store, Mike reveals his yearning for a more glamorous life inspired by movie stars. After watching Gary Cooper in "Albuquerque Briefcase", Mike expresses a desire to emulate the actor's charisma and strength.

Mike McNally: "Now, Denny, I'm a new man. I've changed ever since I saw Gary Cooper in Albuquerque Briefcase."

Denny Wi, Mike's supportive girlfriend and coworker, encourages him to pursue his acting dreams seriously. She suggests that he seek professional training and introduces him to Armor Swift, a renowned actor and director known for his multifaceted talents.

Denny Wi: "If you really want to make me happy, why don't you study with a great dramatic teacher?"

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Act 2: The Audition with Armor Swift

[05:32 - 13:07]

Determined to seize the opportunity, Mike gathers his confidence and approaches Armor Swift for a chance to audition. His enthusiastic yet unpolished attempts at acting highlight his lack of formal training:

Mike McNally: "I'm going to impress Armor Swift. I've done everything. I was even in the aquacade."

During the audition, Mike struggles to deliver Shakespearean lines convincingly, leading to humorous misunderstandings and misquotations. Armor Swift remains patient but skeptical of Mike's talent.

Armor Swift: "You're supposed to be Julius." Mike McNally: "Lady, by yonder blessed moon, I swear the tips with silver."

Despite Mike's earnest efforts, Armor Swift questions whether Mike can truly perform on his radio show, hinting at the challenges Mike will face in his pursuit of acting glory.

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Act 3: Preparations and Rehearsals

[13:28 - 22:18]

Back at the sporting goods store, Mike juggles his responsibilities while preparing for his radio debut. He invites his top customers to the broadcast, hoping their support will bolster his performance and, in turn, increase business at the store.

Mike McNally: "McNally's acting genius will make his radio debut. The biggest thing since Charlie McCarthy interviewed Mae West."

In a parallel subplot, Mike attends a wild New Year's Eve party recounted by a character named Jennifer, adding layers of humor and character development. The excessive drinking leads to comical anecdotes, showcasing the lighthearted tone of the episode.

Denny Wi remains a grounding force, providing both support and constructive criticism to Mike's acting ambitions. She emphasizes the need for serious dedication if Mike is to succeed:

Denny Wi: "You've got to study acting for years. You've got to live the part."

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Act 4: The Radio Show and Mike's Performance

[22:18 - 26:18]

On the day of the broadcast, tension mounts as Mike prepares to perform live on Armor Swift's radio program. Despite his nervousness, Mike is optimistic about the impact his performance will have on the store's clientele.

Mike McNally: "I have faith in McNally's ability. I've gone to all kinds of trouble to get these customers to attend the broadcast."

During the live show, Mike's role is unclear and underdeveloped, leading to confusion both for the listeners and within the narrative. His improvised lines and misunderstanding of his part highlight the comedic elements of the episode.

Denny Wi: "I hope McNally gives a great performance. I made my wife Emma give up an important date to attend the dramatic presentation to see you perform, Mike."

Despite the mishaps, Mike remains undeterred, hoping that his efforts will eventually lead to recognition and success in the acting world.

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Act 5: Conclusion and Reflections

[26:18 - End]

As the episode draws to a close, Mike faces the reality of his performance's reception. Armor Swift provides feedback, indicating that while Mike has potential, significant improvement is needed.

Armor Swift: "Perhaps you'll get killed on page 18. But you have 18 pages of fine lines."

Mike's journey reflects the classic struggle between aspiration and reality, underscored by humor and relatable character dynamics. Denny Wi's humorous critique captures the essence of Mike's dual emotions:

Denny Wi: "Personally, I think that as an actor, Mike conveys two emotions: Joy and indigestion."

The episode wraps up with Mike's hopeful outlook despite the comedic setbacks, setting the stage for future adventures in "Leave It To Mike".

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Key Themes and Insights

1. Aspirations vs. Reality: Mike's desire to transition from a stable job to a glamorous acting career highlights the universal struggle of pursuing one's dreams amidst practical responsibilities.

2. Support Systems: Denny Wi exemplifies the role of a supportive partner who provides both encouragement and honest feedback, essential for personal growth.

3. Humor in Failure: The comedic portrayal of Mike's unsuccessful auditions and performances underscores the idea that failure is a stepping stone to success, especially when approached with humor.

4. Post-War Optimism: Set in 1946, the episode reflects the optimistic spirit of post-war America, where individuals strive for personal advancement and success.

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Notable Quotes

• Mike McNally (05:08): "I've told everyone I know how proud I am to be a friend of yours. I've told everyone I know not to miss hearing you on Armor Swift's program."

• Denny Wi (22:42): "As an actor, Mike conveys two emotions: Joy and indigestion."

• Armor Swift (26:18): "Perhaps you'll get killed on page 18. But you have 18 pages of fine lines."

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Conclusion

This episode of "Leave It To Mike" effectively combines humor, character development, and relatable themes to engage listeners. Mike McNally's journey from a dedicated store manager to an aspiring actor provides both entertainment and subtle life lessons about ambition, support, and resilience. Through witty dialogues and situational comedy, the show captures the essence of the Golden Age of Radio, offering timeless insights wrapped in a lighthearted narrative.

Transcript

[Mike McNally]

Step into the world of power, loyalty and luck. I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse. With family, cannolis and spins mean everything. Now you want to get mixed up in the family business. Introducing the [e-mail] test your luck in the shadowy world of the Godfather slot. Someday I will call upon you to do a service for me. Play the Godfather now at champacasino. Com. Welcome to the family. No purchase necessary. VGW Group void where prohibited by law 21 plus terms and conditions apply. Leave it to Mike. Mike McNau. Yes, Mr. Barkley. Mike, why did you. Now, Mr. Barkley, I can explain everything. Mutual Presents Leave it to Mike. With Walter kinsella as Mike McNally. Mike's the general manager of Berkeley Sporting Goods Store. That famous downtown shop that's been serving the city for more than 30 years. Well, Mike, what's new at the store? Well, we just received a brand new product, Mr. Barry. What is it? Klutzmeyer's Winter Underwear. The slogan is, are you wearing Klutzmeyer's longies? If so, what's Klutzmayers? Both the way of. Say, you take a great interest in your job, don't you, Mike? Absolutely, Mr. Barry. It's the only way to succeed. Never give up trying to be a business genius. For instance, take a man like John Hancock. Isn't he marvelous? John Hancock? Yeah, just look at him. Death in 150 years and still selling insurance. And that's Mike McNally. Yes, it is. Very true. It's a lovely evening, the first night of the new year. And Mike McNally is just leaving his neighborhood motion picture theater with his beautiful sweetheart, Denny Wi, who works with Mike at berkeley Sporting Goods. McNally, the dashing man about town, the gay socialite, makes a suggestion to Denny about their after theater entertainment. Does McNally say, let's go to the store, club and dance? Does McNally say, let's go to the Waldorf and dine? No, McNally says, let's go to your house and neck.

[Denny Wi]

Oh, Mike, you never talked like that before.

[Mike McNally]

I know, Denny, but I'm a new man. I've changed ever since I saw Gary Cooper and Albuquerque. Briefcase.

[Denny Wi]

Albuquerque. Briefcase.

[Mike McNally]

That's the word. Albuquerque. Briefcase. It's a western version of Saratoga trunk.

[Denny Wi]

Mike, will you be serious?

[Mike McNally]

I am being serious, Dilly darling, going to the movies always has an effect on me. And when they see what a he man that Gary Cooper is, what a great actor he is, makes me think, you know, maybe I ought to Be more like him.

[Denny Wi]

You certainly should.

[Mike McNally]

I saw Gary Cooper in that picture about a Good Humor man too.

[Denny Wi]

A movie about a good Humor man.

[Mike McNally]

For whom the Bell tolls.

[Denny Wi]

Mike McNally, if you don't stop counting.

[Mike McNally]

All right, Jenny. It's just that I was thinking that, well, maybe if I was a bit more like Gary Cooper.

[Denny Wi]

A bit more. Oh, Mike, if only you were exactly like him. If you were big and strong and powerful. If you had a profound personality like all those great actors.

[Mike McNally]

You want me to be a great actor, Denise?

[Denny Wi]

Oh, it would be wonderful, Mike. Instead of that silly, dull job you have working for Mr. Berkeley. I'd be proud to marry you. Then, Mike.

[Mike McNally]

I'll tell everybody how sweet you are.

[Denny Wi]

I'll tell everybody how sweet you are.

[Mike McNally]

I'll tell everybody how much fun you are.

[Denny Wi]

I'll tell everybody how much fun you you are.

[Mike McNally]

I'll tell everybody how well you make love.

[Denny Wi]

I'll think of something.

[Mike McNally]

Jenny. I'll be a great actor someday. Just wait and see. You know, I had acting experience in high school.

[Denny Wi]

You did?

[Mike McNally]

Uh huh. I played the part of the bulb in the light that fails. Good part, bad joke. I was in the movie the woman in the window. I rented binoculars to wolves across the street. Good plot, bad joke. I was the reconversion director in Dr. Jaeckel and Mr. Hyde. Every time Dr. Jaeckel changed into Mr. Hyde, I reminded him to put his money in the other pants. Good part, Bad Joe. I was in the last weekend. They played the part of the cock. Good part. Lousy Joe. Then, of course, you know, we had a great actor in the dramatic pageant Berkeley's put on for Christmas.

[Denny Wi]

Really?

[Mike McNally]

Yeah. You know those horses with the two men inside? Those vaudeville horses? Well, this fella played the front end of the horse.

[Denny Wi]

Who played the other end.

[Mike McNally]

Well, Hitler must be hiding somewhere. Bad part. Ah, but good joke.

[Denny Wi]

Mike, darling, let's be serious. If you really want to make me happy, if you really want to get out of the rut you're in and become a great actor, why don't you do something about it? Why don't you study with a great dramatic teacher? Study Boleslavski, Uspenskaya, Stanislavski, and to Genev. You're familiar with their work, aren't you?

[Mike McNally]

Best backfill Notre Dame ever had.

[Denny Wi]

Mike, how will you ever get anywhere? You're always fooling around. You've got to study acting for years. You've got to live the part. I know a great actress. Her name is Alice Goodkin.

[Mike McNally]

What's her name?

[Denny Wi]

Alice Goodkin. When she played in Beggar on Horseback, she rode a horse all day. When she played in Night Sight, she flew a plane all day. When she played in Luxury Liner, she sat on a boat all day.

[Mike McNally]

It's a good thing she wasn't in the Birth of a.

[Denny Wi]

Now, you've got to stop clowning, Mike. Face the truth about yourself. You're not famous. You're not a big success.

[Mike McNally]

I'm not her. Why, Dinny Wig. My dear girl, do you remember last week when I came to work? When I stepped off the train, there were thousands of people standing on the platform cheering. There was a brass band. Guns were firing a salute.

[Denny Wi]

I don't believe it.

[Mike McNally]

You don't? Well, just ask President Truman. He was standing right behind me.

[Denny Wi]

What got into you, Mike? You're not talking sense at all. The fact is that you do want to be famous. You decided after we saw that movie that you want to be a great actor. But what are you going to do about it?

[Mike McNally]

Ah, there's great hope for me, Dinny, darling. Last week when my lodge gave a play and I was in it, the lobby was absolutely jammed. You couldn't get near the theater because.

[Denny Wi]

You were so terrific.

[Mike McNally]

No. In the slot machines they had Hershey boys.

[Denny Wi]

Look, Mike, do you know who's in Mr. Berkeley's office?

[Mike McNally]

Who?

[Denny Wi]

Armor Swift, the great actor.

[Mike McNally]

I'm a Swift. What a ham he must be.

[Denny Wi]

He's not a ham. He's like Orson Wellesley. He's like Walter Pigeon. He's also like Alfred Hitchcock. He's an actor, a director, a writer. He's a genius of the theater. There's nothing in the theater he can't do.

[Mike McNally]

And he scraped the gum off the bottom of the seats.

[Denny Wi]

I said, there's nothing in the theater he can't do.

[Mike McNally]

And he's smoking the orchestra without getting caught.

[Denny Wi]

You go into Mr. Berkeley's office this minute, Mike McNally. You try to make an impression on Mr. Swift. Maybe he'll like you. Maybe he'll find a part for you in one of his new productions. He has a radio show, a repertory theater. He makes motion pictures. Go on, Mike.

[Mike McNally]

But what will I tell him? How will I impress him?

[Denny Wi]

Well, just go in there and, well, show him that you're a man of many moods. That you have a profound side and a humorous side. Show him that you can portray any emotion. Show him that you can pull from Shakespeare and all the other masters. Go ahead, Mike.

[Mike McNally]

Okay, Denny. I'll impress Armor Swift. I'll show him how versatile I am. Why, I've done everything. I was even in the aquacade.

[Denny Wi]

What were you?

[Mike McNally]

Drip. Sit down, Mr. Swift. Rest yourself. Oh, I never rest on my laurels. Who's talking about laurels? Sit down on whatever it is you sit down on. I must walk, walk, walk. I must keep myself perpendicular to the floor until 5pm it stimulates the brain cells. Then from 5 until 7, I am horizontal. It stimulates my metatarsals. That is my rest period. What are you. From 7 until bedtime. Catty Corner, Mr. Berkeley. Catty Corner. We're proud to have a distinguished actor and director like you with us in the store, Mr. Swift. I'm delighted to be here. We expect to sell a lot of copies of your book on how to act. My book? Ah, yes. It's a mere masterpiece. Nothing that any genius couldn't write. It's the last word in how to act. You know, frankly, Mr. Swift, I tried to read the book, but I didn't understand it. There weren't any words printed on the pages. Words? How old fashioned. Who puts words in books? My book teaches people how to act. It weighs seven pounds. What has that got to do with it? Don't you know that the most important thing in acting is poise and posture? Haven't you ever seen actors practicing by walking up and down the room with a book on their heads? That is what my book is for. Balancing it on your head. Why, I wouldn't be surprised if it were chosen by the Book of the Year Club. Don't you mean the Book of the Month Club? No, the Book of the Year Club. For people who read slowly. I'm sorry to rush you, Mr. Swift, but you know you're due in the book department to autograph your work. Oh, yes, undoubtedly. There are thousands of me admirers waiting to greet me. The price of fame. You work, enslave and give of your best to create artistic achievements. And after you die, what have you got? Immortality and pie upon you. Thou varlet uncomely name desperado. Ha, ha. Fame and fortune. You work all your life to give the world one beautiful inspiration after another. And after you die, what happens? Yes, what happens? What happens? Warner Brothers makes the story of your life with Don Amici. As the immortal Bard says. Why, what an ass am I. Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 4. Sit down, Mr. Swift. Don't knock yourself out. As the immortal Bard said, out, out, free candle. Life is but a walking shadow. A poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage. Macbeth, Act 5, Scene 5, Line 11. Sit down, Mr. Swift. You'll get a blowout in your adenoids. I'll never forget when I did Shakespeare down south. I was doing Polonius advice to his son Laertes. Neither a bower nor a lender be son A lender that is, give thy thoughts. No, Turn, turn. I mean, Hamlet, act one, scene, tone, line 47. Ah, there you are. This is my general manager. Hello. Hello there. Mr. Bartley, meet Armor Swift. Ah, Mr. Swift. Boots, boots, boots Marching up and down again Good, huh? Mr. Smith. Now tell me your name, young man. I want to hate you incognito, Smith. You're always on the lookout for new talents, aren't you? Don't you want to at least hear me? Beneath the spreading chestnut tree the village smithy stands the Smith, a mighty man is he with large and sinewy hands Good, huh? Mr. Swift, why do you walk around like that when you can be buried for as little as $150? Oh, give me a chance, Mr. Swift. This. Listen to this. I think that I should ever see a poem lovely as a tree. Good. Her, Mr. Swift. McNally, you recite trees with all the enthusiasm of a pack of dogs. Now get these on. Ah, yes, yes. You better run along, Mike. You're bothering Mr. Swift. I just wanted you to say hello. But now Mr. Swift has to go downstairs and autograph his books. Well, if you're not interested in acting, Mr. Swift, they can sing, too. Down the road to Mandalay where the flying fishes pullet handed on Comes up like thunder out of Brooklyn Crosby. Do that again, McNally. Sing it again. No, no, no. Just that last part where your voice was so resonant. Resonant, Resonant. I'm looking for someone with that voice quality. Surely you're joking, Mr. Swift. You couldn't use McNally in one of your shows, could you? I said I'm looking for someone with that timbre in his voice. Just. What? Timber. Timber. Timber. What a toothpick. You'll be at Studio 12 of the Cosmopolitan Broadcasting Company. McNally, tomorrow at noon. I have a part for you. A very interesting part. Not really. Absolutely. You'll go down in history with Orson Welles. Is it radioactive? Not as Rita Hayworth's husband, isn't it? Fine, fine. Just fine. Yes, imagine that, McNally, you're going to perform on the air with Armor Swift. Ah, Denny, be so proud of me. Tomorrow, tomorrow. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day. Mac Fair. Back five, scene five, line 11. Well, I'll be running along. Okay, but don't open the door. There's just a way out. It's the closet, not the door. It's the closet, not that door. What were you saying, McNally? I said, not that door. It's a closet. That's a quotation too. Act two, scene three, line 76. He.

[Denny Wi]

Isn't it wonderful about Mike? Mr. Berkeley?

[Mike McNally]

It certainly is. Didn't he? I knew all the time he was that talented fellow.

[Denny Wi]

I suppose when he becomes a famous actor, he'll be leaving Berkeley.

[Mike McNally]

Well, then I wish him Godspeed. Denny, I don't mind if he leaves the stage to go on to greater things. But when he goes on the air tomorrow night, he'll be performing a great service of Beckley's.

[Denny Wi]

A great service? I don't understand.

[Mike McNally]

Well, you see, Denny, I've invited 12 of my most important customers to the broadcast to see Mike perform. When they realize that Berkeley Storr hires men of such outstanding talent and initiative, they'll surely double all their business here.

[Denny Wi]

Are you sure you're not being a little bit hasty?

[Mike McNally]

Oh, no. I have faith in McNally's ability. Why, I've gone to all kinds of trouble to get these customers to attend the broadcast. I'm sending special cars to pick them up. I bought a dozen white orchids for their wives. McNally's acting genius will make his radio debut. The biggest thing since Charlie McCarthy interviewed Mae West.

[Denny Wi]

You're probably right, Mr. Burphy. Mike certainly is taking the radio thing seriously. Do you know what he's doing now?

[Mike McNally]

No, what?

[Denny Wi]

He's down in the recreation room with Jennifer. His ears are booed to the radio. He says that if you want to be a great radioactor, you've got to know every program on the air.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, hello there, Jennifer. What's that tall, skinny thing? That's a mop. A mop? Yeah. If it was Frank Sinatra, I'd be wearing Barbie socks. Well, Jennifer, all Dad, did you have a good time last night at the New Year's Eve party? Good time? Asking me if I had a good time is like asking Gabriel. He says, good news tonight. Well, that was the finest party I ever seen. Was everybody lit up? Lit up? It's the first time I ever saw a Christmas tree blush with shame. Really got wild. Uncle Charlie threw a saddle over a bottle of White Horse and started looking for Indians. Oh, Neil, mate. McNally's the only day in the year I take firewater. It's New Year's Eve. But last night there was so much Scotch flowing that my boyfriend and I went home separately because of the scotch. You went home separately? Yeah. He took the high road and I took the low road. Plenty of scotch, hey? Yeah. And about 11 o' clock, Haig turned to Haig and said, let's get out of here before we get pinched. But you should have seen my cousin, Nylon Sam. Why do you call him Nylon Sam? Well, he made a mistake and drank a filth of liquid leg makeup. I suppose he got so high he couldn't walk.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Mike McNally]

No purchase necessary. VGW Group void where prohibited by law. 21/ Terms and Conditions apply. Packages by Expedia. You were made to be rechargeable. We were made to package flights, hotels and hammocks for less Expedia. Made to travel. I ate one or two drinks. For yourself, Jennifer? Well, if I know you, McNally, one's enough. What'd you drink? Horses. Nick. I don't care about a horse's love life. What did you drink? French wine. But it didn't taste so good. You know that French wine they trample on the grapes with their feet. Well, why didn't it taste good? GI shoes. Oh. Was it powerful? Powerful. And I took one sip and became a singer. A singer? Uh huh. I went out and sang a duet with a lamppost. Well, that was the nicest New Year Eve party we ever had. We toasted the victory at midnight. You did it? Yes, sir. My sister Bess's boyfriend is in the Navy and mine is in the army. I see. So first she proposed the toast and we drank to Admiral Nimit. Then it was my turn. And we drank to General Eisenhower. Then it was Bessie's turn and we drank to Admiral Halsey. Then my turn again. And we drank to General MacArthur. Then Bessie drank to Admiral King. Then I drank to General Hodges. Then Bessie drank to Admiral Lee. Then I drank to General Waynewise. Then McNally. Do you know how many admirals and generals there are in the United States Armed Forces? No. How many? About three and a half quarts. How long did this Go on. Well, Bessie went on to Commander Robert Montgomery, and then I drank to Captain Eddie Rickenbacker. And then what else happened? Well, I don't know. Everything went black when we got to private Hard grown. Listen, Jennifer, I came down here to study acting. Now you've got a big part on the radio tomorrow night. That's what I call killing the killer cycle. Ah, yes, Armor Swift, the big radio writer, producer and actor is using me on his big program. And he told me that I've got to learn to be a radioactor by practicing hard and listening to the radio. Then turn it on, Magnalli. Turn it on. It's just about time for one of them daytime serials. Okay, here goes. We listen to the daytime serials. Maybe I can learn something about acting. Ah, good afternoon, friends. Once again it is time for the Straw Cab program, brought to you by the makers of Straw Cab. Remember, Straw Cab spelled backwards is backwards. A straw cab company makes Snoopab, which spelled backwards is buttons. The buttons go on your underwear and underwear backwards is very uncomfortable. Now another episode in the story of Primrose Honeysuckle Girl. Dark Wallopa. Of course, this being the Straw Cab program where we do everything backwards. We bring you our dramatic sequence backwards. As the story opens, Tim Rose backs in through a door and says to.

[Denny Wi]

Craig Whitlock, me love you that say you don't. Why Craig?

[Mike McNally]

Oh, else somebody with love in. Am I fool you? Because holy smokes, McNally, they're talking backwards. Yeah, back was talking. Now the Jennifer smokes holy you to.

[Denny Wi]

Belong my half my that you know you don't but.

[Mike McNally]

And so, friends, we have brought you the backwards program sponsored by Straw Cab. Listen in yesterday and find out what didn't happen tomorrow afternoon. Good, that's enough of that. I guess so. That's what they mean when they say radio drama. Gosh, I oughta gave LAX as well as that. When Armor Swift has me on his program. Well, I better do a little practicing. Oh, look, Jennifer, I have the balcony scene here for Romeo and Juliet. Would you play Juliet while I read the part of Romeo? Well, I can't, McNally. I have work to do here in the basement. Gotta keep the store clean for Mr. Bertha, you know. But if you want to practice a balcony scene, I'll find someone who will play it with you. Somebody I know in the stockroom. Okay, Jennifer, thanks a lot. You find someone in the stockroom who played Juliet to my Romeo. Soft white light through yonder window breaks. It is the east and Juliet is the sun. Ah, the brightness of her Cheek would shame the stars. See how she leans her cheek upon her hand. Or did I wear a glove upon that hand that I might touch that cheek? Oh, peach fuzz. Romeo, she speaks. Is that speaking? O, speak again, bright angel. For thou art as glorious to this night be in o' er my head as is a winged messenger of heaven. Speak. Speak. I can't. My mouth is full of marshmallows. Oh, Juliet. But love's light did I o' erpurch these walls, fearful lest thy rash parent, thy father, should find us in this priceless place? Thy father is a Capulet, and my father a Montague. I thought your father was Irish. Please, Mr. Gribble, try to do this thing right. Mr. Bertley's invited all his friends and customers to see me in armor. Swift's production have got to practice acting. Now for the third page part. Speech. Lord Juliet, fairest one. Thine eyes are burning jewels. They lip the two flames of desire. Thy hair is a reddish firebrand. What are you giving me, a hot foot? Please, Mr. Gribble, read the part. You're supposed to be Julius. Lady, by yonder blessed moon, I swear the tips with silver. All these fruit tree tops. Oh, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon. Then, fair one. What, oh, what shall I swear by? Don't swear at all. It's nasty. Mr. Gribble, please read the piece. Go on. Ah, Romeo, my Romeo leavest me not. Now come but up to my balcony and kiss me. Kiss me until yon cows come home. I'd rather wait and kiss the cows. Ah, but halt. Why dost thou leave me? I must leave you. I must. But whither goest thou? I go to push a peanut with my nose across the Brooklyn Bridge. But why? I bet on USC in the Rose bowl game. Well, Denny, how's Mike coming along with his acting?

[Denny Wi]

I don't know, Mr. Bertray, but I hear that he's listening to the radio, practicing Shakespeare, getting all set for his dramatic debut with Arma Swift.

[Mike McNally]

I hope McNally gives a great performance. I made my wife Emma give up an important date to go to the program with us. And all of my biggest customers will be my personal guests to see what McNally does.

[Denny Wi]

Well, I hope it works out all right. I've never thought of Mike as a great actor, but I suppose Alma Swift knows talent when he sees it. Personally, I think that as an actor. Yes, as an actor, Mike conveys two emotions.

[Mike McNally]

Two emotions? What are they?

[Denny Wi]

Joy and indigestion.

[Mike McNally]

It's almost time for the rehearsal. McNally, time for Mr. Swift to present you with the part that you're going to play. You better turn on the radio once more and listen to some real dramatic acting, because you know what to do. Here's the switch. Proceed. What's on?

[Denny Wi]

Hello. Hello. Dear. Dear ladies. This is to Luna Fathead.

[Mike McNally]

Bringing you.

[Denny Wi]

My daily visit with recipes, little household piece, a poem or two, and how to clean a chicken. You shouldn't lose the gizzard. Now, now, first I've received a letter from a listener who wants to know how to make a strawberry cake. The letter says, dear Tallulah, would you tell me how to make a strawberry cake with a steel file in it? Signed, Killer Malarkey. There now, isn't that sweet? But first, a recipe. I shall tell you how to make a dish called mother in law's frappe, commonly known as Mickey Fish.

[Mike McNally]

Ah, that's not dramatic acting. That won't do me any good. I'd better try another station. And here's some real news, ladies and gentlemen. It has just been recorded officially from his headquarters that General Ulysses S. Grant has captured the city of Richmond, Virginia. President Abraham Lincoln has not issued any statement after this great news, but one is expected shortly. Hey, what is this? Grant took Richmond. What kind of news is that? This is a very old radio. And who asked you? Ah, McNally. Nothing on the radio to help you. But why worry? You'll be a big success. Successes and actors. Go on, take that marvelous bit of literature you have and practice with it. This. Listen, every masterpiece will do the job. If you can read this, you'll be okay. You'll be all ready for armor Swift program. Go on, McNally. Read that. A martial masterpiece. Peter Pipe of pick, the peck of pickle peppers. Marvelous, McNally, terrific. After your first performance, you'll be a big star. You'll make a million dollars. People will give you gifts. They'll give you everything you want. You won't have to spend a penalty. Get what you want. Nuts. What's the use? There you'll be, McNally, stuck with a lousy million dollars. Well, Mr. Swift, here I am. Ready to see my part in your play. I'm in time for the rehearsal. Ah, yes, McNelly, sit down. Here is the role you might be able to do on my program tomorrow. I want you to read it for me. With all the expression you. Is this the part? Yes, very nice part. Go ahead, start reading. It's a murder mystery. You get killed on page 23, but you have 23 pages of fine lines. To read. Go ahead. All right. I didn't know it, but Rifkin was the Purple Terror all the time. McNelly, now that I hear you read the part, perhaps you'll get killed on page 18. But you have 18 pages of fine lines. Go on. I came to this deserted house on a cliff. It was raining. MacNally, now that I hear you read more of a part, perhaps you'll get killed on page seven. But you have seven pages of fine lines to read. Go ahead. Who would have thought Mifkin's wife was in the kitchen planning to drop an atomic bomb in an orphan home? MacNally, now that I've heard you read the whole part, I've made an interesting. You mean I get killed on page five? No. Page four?

[Ryan Seacrest]

No.

[Mike McNally]

Three? No. When do I get killed? When the show begins. You're dead. I am? That's right. And there'll be a brief pause while rigor mortis sets in. You mean I won't get to say a word in the program? Not a word in the whole place. Oh, yes. I just thought of something you can do and do it beautifully. What is it? It's like this McGalley you see during the. Well, Mike. To go to the rehearsal. Yes, Mr. Berkeley. Have you got your pie? I have. I hope it's sensational, Mike. It better be. I've invited all our best customers to the broadcast. I don't want you to embarrass me. I won't. Mrs. Berkeley is giving up an important day to attend the dramatic presentation to see you perform, Mike. I know. I've told everyone I know how proud I am to be a friend of yours. I've told everyone I know not to miss hearing you on Armor Swift's program. Now tell me, my boy, what are you going to do? Pull up a chair, Mr. Bush. What's your part of the program, Mike? Well, it's a one hour show, you know. Yes. It's a big affair with music and a cast of 40 people. Yes, but what do you do, Mike? Well, the program is sponsored by Fizz, the best sort of drink there is. I see. What do you do? Well, there's a big commercial announcement in the show. It goes like this. Fizz, the best soda joke there is. Friends, open a bottle and see for yourself. I know I've heard that before. Then they open a soda bottle. But I still want to know. What do you do on the program? If you listen closely, you can hear my part. What do you do, Mike? What is your dramatic role? Well, in that announcement, after they say the stuff about fizz. They open a soda bottle. So? So what? So what do you do? What do you do? I'm going to bring the bottle open that just stands. Well, well. Because you've embarrassed me again, Mike. Because you've disgraced me again, I'm going to take you by the throat and come back here. Where are you going? I'm getting out of here. Boy, I get killed. I'm going out through the door. It's not a door. It's a window. It's a door. It's a window. Door, window. That's the window that I'm Greg we've pet. I'm walking through it right now. Send Ingrid Burst down with a Band Aid. Sam as presented. Leave it to Mike with Walter kinsella as Mike McNally. Be sure to listen again next week at the same time for Mike McNally and his adventures in Berkeley's sporting goods store. Now here's Mike again. Well, McNally, what are you doing with that paper and pencil? Oh, I'm proposing a song, Mr. Barry. It's a beautiful, tender, romantic melody. What's it called? Grandma's Hands are dirty because they Forgot to Wash the Dice. Happy New Year, Mr. Barry. Happy New Year, everyone. Happy New Year, Mike. And we'll be seeing you again next week when Mr. Berkeley says. Leave it to Mike. Mike McNally. Leave it to Mike is written by Howard Merrill and Alan Sherman and the program is directed by Roger Bauer. Any similarity on this program to act with persons, places or events is purely coincidental. Leave it to Mike came to you from the Mutual Longacre Theater in New York. This is the Mutual Broadcasting System.

[Ryan Seacrest]

It is Ryan Seacrest here. There was a recent social media trend which consisted of flying on a plane with no music, no movies, no entertainment. But a better trend would be going to chumbacasino.com it's like having a mini social casino in your pocket. Chumba casino has over 100 online casino style games, all absolutely free. It's the most fun you can have online and on a plane. So grab your free welcome bonus [e-mail] sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Mike McNally]

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