Leave It To Mike - Chance To Act On Radio

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Leave It To Mike – Chance To Act On Radio

Air Date: May 16, 2026
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio

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Overview

This episode of "Leave It To Mike" presents a classic comedic romp set in the world of Berkeley’s Sporting Goods Store, following the everyday misadventures of general manager Mike McNally. The main plot centers around Mike’s dream of becoming a great radio actor, inspired by cinematic idols. Encouraged and challenged by his sweetheart Denny Wi, Mike embarks on a mission to prove his talent when he’s offered a chance to perform on a radio program produced by the grandiose actor-director Armor Swift. As Mike earnestly, if clumsily, prepares for his debut, the episode delivers a barrage of comedic misunderstandings, self-deprecating wit, and satirical nods to the theatrics and pretensions of classic radio and stage acting.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Mike’s Aspiration to Become an Actor

• Basis for Ambition:
  After watching Gary Cooper in a film, Mike feels compelled to become a he-man and a great actor.
• Denny’s Challenge:
  Denny Wi tells Mike she'd be proud to marry him if he were a "great actor", teasing him about leaving his "silly, dull job".

  "If only you were exactly like him. If you had a profound personality like all those great actors."
  – Denny Wi (02:50)

• Comic Self-Assessment:
  Mike recounts a comedic resume of failed acting roles, full of puns and wordplay.

2. Study of Acting and Satire of Dramatic Teachers

• Denny’s Advice:
  She suggests Mike study Stanislavski and other great teachers, to which Mike quips:

  "Best backfield Notre Dame ever had."
  – Mike McNally (04:28)

• Satire of Method Acting:
  Denny describes a dedicated actress who lives every role to the hilt:

  "When she played in Beggar on Horseback, she rode a horse all day…It’s a good thing she wasn't in the birth of a..."
  – Denny Wi (04:52)
  Mike follows up with a punchline that keeps things light.

3. Meeting Armor Swift, the Flamboyant Radio Producer

• Introduction to Swift:
  Swift proclaims his acting genius with mock-grandiosity ("I never rest on my laurels…” – 06:56), and his method of writing a seven-pound book with blank pages for posture training.

  "Who puts words in books? My book teaches people how to act. It weighs seven pounds."
  – Armor Swift (07:52)

• Swift’s Ego & Radio Show Opportunity:
  Swift, in search of a unique voice for his program, surprisingly offers Mike a part after hearing his vocal antics.

4. Mike’s Preparation: Studying the Art of Radio

• Satirical Radio Parodies:
  Mike, with Jennifer, attempts to learn radio acting by listening to a spoof of backward-talking radio serials and an intentionally mundane cooking show.

  "They're talking backwards." – Jennifer (18:59)

• Shakespearean Practice:
  Mike tries rehearsing "Romeo and Juliet" with coworkers, resulting in comedic disaster.

5. The Big Break: It All Fizz-izzles Out

• Rehearsal with Swift:
  Mike is given a script for a murder mystery—only for his part to shrink with each (bad) line reading.

  “Now that I hear you read the part, perhaps you’ll get killed on page 18... seven... five… When the show begins. You’re dead.”
  – Mr. Barkley/Swift (26:19–26:34)

  • Mike is left with a non-speaking, non-living role as a corpse—plus a “dramatic” part in making a soda bottle pop for a commercial.

  "I'm going to bring the bottle open."
  – Mike McNally (28:15)

• Mr. Barkley’s Bowl of Faith:
  The store manager, Mr. Barkley, has invited all his important customers to Mike's performance, sure that Mike's talent will elevate the store’s renown.

6. Final Punchlines & Self-Deprecation

• Despite the letdown, the show closes with Mike joking about composing a song:

  “Grandma’s Hands are dirty because they Forgot to Wash the Dice. Happy New Year, Mr. Barry!”
  – Mike McNally (29:21)

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Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• Mike’s ambition inspired by cinema:
  “No, McNally says, let’s go to your house and neck.” – Mike McNally (02:03)
• Satire about method acting:
  "Best backfield Notre Dame ever had." – Mike McNally (04:28)
• Swift’s empty acting book:
  "Who puts words in books? My book teaches people how to act. It weighs seven pounds." – Armor Swift (07:52)
• Performance demoted with each read:
  “Now that I hear you read the part, perhaps you’ll get killed on page 18… on page 7… page 5… When the show begins. You’re dead.” – Mr. Barkley/Swift (26:19–26:34)
• Final commercial performance:
  "I'm going to bring the bottle open." – Mike McNally (28:15)
• Self-effacing closer:
  "Grandma’s Hands are dirty because they Forgot to Wash the Dice." – Mike McNally (29:22)

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Important Segments & Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------------| | 00:30 | Berkeley Sporting Goods Store banter opens | | 02:03 | Mike learns about acting from Gary Cooper | | 04:12 | Denny urges Mike to study acting seriousness | | 06:56 | Armor Swift’s entrance and comedic acting dogma | | 10:02 | Mike’s comical audition for Swift | | 12:30 | Plot revealed: Barkley’s plan to impress customers | | 15:01 | Jennifer and Mike’s comic New Year’s party recap | | 18:08 | Parody radio programs: backwards-talking drama | | 19:43 | Mike’s “Romeo & Juliet” rehearsal | | 26:04 | Mike’s murder mystery role shrinks to corpse | | 28:10 | Mike reveals his true part: popping a soda bottle | | 29:21 | Mike’s closing joke and song |

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Tone and Style

• Light, playful, and self-deprecating: The episode is full of quick-witted banter and verbal slapstick.
• Satirical: Pokes fun at the world of acting and classic radio drama conventions.
• Nostalgic: References to radio programs, classic films, and the golden age context abound.

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Summary

“Leave It To Mike – Chance To Act On Radio” is a tongue-in-cheek look at 1940s/50s radio and the cult of radio and dramatic stardom. Mike’s big chance turns out to be a classic case of overreaching ambition meeting reality, all handled with old-school comedic charm. Through clever wordplay, radio parodies, and layers of self-deprecating humor, the episode both lampoons and pays homage to the old-time radio entertainment era.

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Transcript

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[Mr. Barkley]

Leave it to Mike. Mike McNaul.

[Mike McNally]

Yes, Mr. Barkley.

[Mr. Barkley]

Mike, why did you.

[Mike McNally]

No, Mr. Barkley, I can explain everything.

[Mr. Barkley]

Mutual Presents Leave it to Mike. With Walter kinsella as Mike McNally. Mike's the general manager of Berkeley Sporting Goods Store. That famous downtown shop that's been serving the city for more than 30 years. Well, Mike, what's new at the store?

[Mike McNally]

Well, we just received a brand new product, Mr. Barry.

[Mr. Barkley]

What is it?

[Mike McNally]

Klutzmeyer's Winter underwear. The slogan is are you wearing Klutzmeyer's longies? If so, what's Klutzmayers? Both the way of.

[Mr. Barkley]

Say, you take a great interest in your job. Don't you mind?

[Mike McNally]

Absolutely, Mr. Barry. It's the only way to succeed. Never give up trying to be a business genius. For instance, take a man like John Hancock. Isn't he marvelous?

[Mr. Barkley]

John Hancock?

[Mike McNally]

Yeah, just look at him. Dead for 150 years and still selling insurance.

[Mr. Barkley]

And that's Mike McNally.

[Mike McNally]

Yes, it is.

[Mr. Barkley]

Very true. It's a lovely evening. The first night of the new year. And Mike McNally is just leaving his neighborhood motion picture theater with his beautiful sweetheart, Denny Wi, who works with Mike at berkeley Sporting Goods. McNally, the dashing man about town, the gay socialite, makes a suggestion to Denny about their after theater entertainment. Does McNally say, let's go to the Stork Club and dance? Does McNally say let's go to the Waldorf and dine?

[Mike McNally]

No, McNally says, let's go to your house and neck.

[Denny Wi]

Oh, Mike, you never talked like that before.

[Mike McNally]

I know, Denny, but I'm a new man. I've changed ever since I saw Gary Cooper in Albuquerque. Briefcase. Albuquerque?

[Denny Wi]

Briefcase.

[Mike McNally]

That's the word. Albuquerque. Briefcase. It's a western version of Saratoga Trunk.

[Denny Wi]

Mike, will you be serious?

[Mike McNally]

I am being serious, Dilly darling. Going to the movies always has an effect on me. And when they see what a he man that Gary Cooper is, what a great actor he is, makes me think maybe I ought to be more like him.

[Denny Wi]

You certainly should.

[Mike McNally]

I saw Gary Cooper in that picture about a Good Humor man, too.

[Denny Wi]

A movie about a Good Humor man.

[Mike McNally]

For Whom the Bell tolls,

[Denny Wi]

Mike McNally, if you don't stop counting.

[Mike McNally]

All right, Jenny. It's just that I was thinking that, well, maybe if I was a bit more like Gary Cooper.

[Denny Wi]

A bit more. Oh, Mike, if only you were exactly like him. If you were big and strong and powerful. If you had a profound personality like all those great actors.

[Mike McNally]

You want me to be a great actor, Denise?

[Denny Wi]

Oh, it would be wonderful, Mike. Instead of that silly, dull job you have working for Mr. Berkeley, I'd be proud to marry you. Then, Mike.

[Mike McNally]

I'll tell everybody how sweet you are.

[Denny Wi]

I'll tell everybody how sweet you are.

[Mike McNally]

I'll tell everybody how much fun you are.

[Denny Wi]

I'll tell everybody how much fun.

[Mike McNally]

I'll tell everybody how well you make love.

[Denny Wi]

I'll think of something,

[Mike McNally]

Jenny. I'll be a great actor someday. Just wait and see. You know, I had acting experience in high school.

[Mr. Barkley]

You did? Uh huh.

[Mike McNally]

I played the part of the bulb in the light that failed.

[Jennifer]

Good part, bad joke.

[Mike McNally]

I was in the movie the Woman in the Window. I rented binoculars to wolves across the street.

[Jennifer]

Good plot, bad joke.

[Mike McNally]

I was the reconversion director in Dr. Jaeckel and Mr. Hyde. Every time Dr. Jaeckel changed into Mr. Hyde, I reminded him to put his money in the other pants. Good part, Bad Joe. I was in the last weekend. They played the part of the cock. Good part. Lousy Joe. Then, of course, you know, we had a great actor in the dramatic pageant Berkeley's put on for Christmas. Really? Yeah. You know those horses with the two men inside? Those Vadvin horses. Well, this fella played the front end of the horse.

[Denny Wi]

Who played the other end?

[Mike McNally]

Well, Hitler must be hiding somewhere.

[Jennifer]

Bad part.

[Mike McNally]

Ah, but good joke.

[Denny Wi]

Mike, darling, let's be serious. If you really want to make me happy, if you really want to get out of the rut you're in and become a great actor, why don't you do something about it? Why don't you study with a great dramatic teacher? Study Boleslavski, Uspenskaya, Stanislavski and Turgenev. You're familiar with their work, aren't you?

[Mike McNally]

Best backfield Notre Dame ever had.

[Denny Wi]

Mike, how will you ever get anywhere? You're always fooling around. You've got to study acting for years. You've got to live the part. I know a great actress. Her name is Alice Goodkin.

[Mike McNally]

What's her name?

[Denny Wi]

Alice Goodkin. When she played in Beggar on Horseback, she Rode a horse all day when she played in night flight she flew a plane all day when she played in luxury liner she sailed on a

[Mike McNally]

boat all day It's a good thing she wasn't in the birth of a.

[Denny Wi]

Now, you've got to stop clowning, Mike. Face the truth about yourself. You're not famous. You're not a big success.

[Mike McNally]

I'm not her. Why, Jenny, wake, my dear girl. Do you remember last week when I came to work? When I stepped off the train, there were thousands of people standing on the platform, cheering. There was a brass band. Guns were firing a salute.

[Denny Wi]

I don't believe it.

[Mike McNally]

You don't? Well, just ask President Truman. He was standing right behind me.

[Denny Wi]

What got into you, Mike? You're not talking sense at all. The fact is that you do want to be famous. You decided after we saw that movie that you want to be a great actor. But what are you going to do about it?

[Mike McNally]

Ah, there's great hope for me, Dinny, darling. Last week when my lodge gave a play and I was in it, the lobby was absolutely jammed. You couldn't get near the theater because

[Denny Wi]

you were so terrific.

[Mike McNally]

No. In the slot machines they had Hershey boys.

[Denny Wi]

Look, Mike, do you know who's in Mr. Berkeley's office?

[Mike McNally]

Who?

[Denny Wi]

Armor Swift, the great actor.

[Mike McNally]

I'm a Swift. What a ham he must be.

[Denny Wi]

He's not a ham. He's like Orson Wellesley. He's like Walter Pigeon. He's also like Alfred Hitchcock. He's an actor, a director, a writer. He's a genius of the theater. There's nothing in the theater he can't do.

[Mike McNally]

Can he scrape the gum off the bottom of the seats?

[Denny Wi]

I said there's nothing in the theater

[Mike McNally]

he can't do any smoke in the orchestra without getting caught.

[Denny Wi]

You go into Mr. Berkeley's office this minute, Mike McNally. You try to make an impression on Mr.

[Mike McNally]

Swift.

[Denny Wi]

Maybe he'll like you. Maybe he'll find a part for you in one of his new productions. He has a radio show, A repertory theater. He makes motion pictures. Go on, Mike.

[Mike McNally]

But what will I tell him? How will I impress him?

[Denny Wi]

Well, just go in there and, well, show him that you're a man of many moods. That you have a profound side and a humorous side. Show him that you can portray any emotion. Show him that you can quote from Shakespeare and all the other masters. Go ahead, Mike.

[Mr. Barkley]

Okay, Dinny.

[Mike McNally]

I'll impress Armor Swift. I'll show him how versatile I am. Why, I've done everything. I was even in the Aquacade. What Were you drip?

[Mr. Barkley]

Sit down, Mr. Swift. Rest yourself. Oh, I never rest on my laurels. Who's talking about laurels? Sit down on whatever it is you sit down on. I must walk, walk, walk. I must keep myself perpendicular to the floor until 5pm it stimulates the brain cells. Then from 5 until 7, I am horizontal. It stimulates my metatarsals. That is my rest period. What are you. From 7 until bedtime. Patty Corner, Mr. Berkeley. Patty Corner. We're proud to have a distinguished actor and director like you with us in this store, Mr. Swift. I'm delighted to be here. We expect to sell a lot of copies of your book on how to act. My book? Ah, yes. It's a mere masterpiece. Nothing that any genius couldn't write. It's the last word in how to act. You know, frankly, Mr. Swift, I tried to read the book, but I didn't understand it. There weren't any words printed on the pages.

[Mike McNally]

Words?

[Mr. Barkley]

How old fashioned. Who puts words in books? My book teaches people how to act. It weighs seven pounds. What does that got to do with it? Don't you know that the most important thing in acting is imposture? Haven't you ever seen actors practicing by walking up and down the room with a book on their heads? That is what my book is for.

[Jennifer]

Balancing it on your head.

[Mr. Barkley]

I wouldn't be surprised if it were chosen by the Book of the Year Club. Don't you mean the Book of the Month Club now? The Book of the Year Club. For people who read slowly. I'm sorry to rush you, Mr. Swift, but you know you're due in the book department to autograph your work. Oh, yes, undoubtedly. There are thousands of me admirers waiting to greet me. The price of fame. You work, enslave and give of your best to create artistic achievements. And after you die, what have you got? Immortality and pie upon you, thou varlet uncommon desperado. Ha, ha. Fame and fortune. You work all your life to give the world one beautiful inspiration after another. And after you die, what happens? Yes, what happened? What happens? Warner Brothers makes the story of your life with Don Amici. As the immortal bard says. Why, what an ass am I. Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 4. Sit down, Mr. Swift. Don't knock yourself out. As the immortal Bard said, out, out, free candle. Life is but a walking shadow, a poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage. Macbeth, Act 5, Scene 5, Line 11. Sit down, Mr.

[Mike McNally]

Swift.

[Mr. Barkley]

You'll get a blowout in your adenoids. I'll never forget when I Did Shakespeare down south? I was doing Polonius advice to his son Laertes. Neither a bower nor a lender be son A lender, that is, give thou thoughts.

[Mike McNally]

No tongue.

[Jennifer]

Tongue.

[Mr. Barkley]

I mean. Hamlet, act one, scene tone, line 47. Ah, there you are. This is my general manager.

[Mike McNally]

Hello. Hello there.

[Mr. Barkley]

Mr. Bartlett, meet Armor Swift.

[Mike McNally]

Ah, Mr. Swift. Boots, boots, boots. Marching up and down again. Good, huh? Mr. Smith.

[Mr. Barkley]

Don't tell me your name, young man. I want to hate you incognito. Smith.

[Mike McNally]

You're always on the lookout for new talents, aren't you? Don't you want to at least hear me? Beneath the spreading chestnut tree the village smithy stands the Smith, a mighty man is he with large and sinewy hands. Good. Hum, Mr. Smith, why do you walk

[Mr. Barkley]

around like that when you can be buried for as little as $150?

[Mike McNally]

Oh, give me a chance, Mr. Swift. This. Listen to this. I think that I shall ever see a form lovely as a tree. Good, huh? Mr.

[Mr. Barkley]

Swift. McNally, you recite trees with all the enthusiasm of a pack of dogs. Now get these on.

[Jennifer]

Ah, yes, yes.

[Mr. Barkley]

You better run along, Mike. You're bothering Mr. Swift. I just wanted you to say hello. But now Mr. Swift has to go downstairs and autograph his books.

[Mike McNally]

Well, if you're not interested in acting, Mr. Swift, they can sing, too. And the road to Mandalay where the flying fishes pullet stand it on Comes up like thunder out of Brooklyn. Crosby.

[Mr. Barkley]

Do that again, McNally.

[Mike McNally]

Sing it again.

[Mr. Barkley]

No, no, no. Just that last part where your voice was so resonant.

[Mike McNally]

Resonant, Resonant.

[Mr. Barkley]

I'm looking for someone with that voice quality. Surely you're joking, Mr. Swift. You couldn't use McNally in one of your shows, could you? I said I'm looking for someone with that timbre in his voice.

[Mike McNally]

Just. What?

[Jennifer]

Timber. Timber, timber.

[Mike McNally]

What a toothpick.

[Mr. Barkley]

You'll be at Studio 12 of the Cosmopolitan Broadcasting Company, McNally, tomorrow at noon. I have a part for you. A very interesting part.

[Mike McNally]

Not really.

[Mr. Barkley]

Absolutely. You'll go down in history with Orson Welles.

[Mike McNally]

It's a radioactive.

[Mr. Barkley]

Not as Rita Hayworth's husband, isn't it?

[Mike McNally]

Fine, fine, Just fine.

[Mr. Barkley]

Yes. Imagine that, McNally. You're going to perform on the air with Armor Swift.

[Mike McNally]

Ah, Jenny, be so prone to be. Tomorrow, tomorrow.

[Mr. Barkley]

Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day. Macbeth, Act 5, Scene 5, Line 11. Well, I'll be running along.

[Mike McNally]

Okay, but don't open the door. There's just a way Out. It's the closet, not the door. It's the closet, not that door.

[Mr. Barkley]

What were you saying, McNally?

[Mike McNally]

I said not that door. It's a closet. That's a quotation too. Tiver McGee, Act 2, Scene 3, Line 72.

[Denny Wi]

Gee, isn't it wonderful about Mike, Mr. Berkeley?

[Mr. Barkley]

It certainly is. Didn't he? I knew all the time he was that talented fellow.

[Denny Wi]

I suppose when he becomes a famous actor, he'll be leaving Berkeley's.

[Mr. Barkley]

Well, then I wish him godspot. I don't mind if he leaves the store to go on to greater things. But when he goes on the air tomorrow night, he'll be performing a great service of Berkeley's.

[Denny Wi]

A great service? I don't understand.

[Mr. Barkley]

Well, you see, Denny, I've invited 12 of my most important customers to the broadcast to see Mike perform. When they realize that Berkeley Storr hires men of such outstanding talent and initiative, they'll surely double all their business here.

[Denny Wi]

Are you sure you're not being a little bit hasty?

[Mr. Barkley]

Oh, no. I have faith in McNally's ability. Why, I've gone to all kinds of trouble to get these customers to attend the broadcast. I'm sending special cars to pick them up. I bought a dozen white orchids for their wives. McNally's acting genius will make his radio debut. The biggest thing since Charlie McCarthy interviewed Mae West.

[Denny Wi]

You're probably right, Mr. Berkeley. Mike certainly is taking the radio thing seriously. Do you know what he's doing now?

[Mr. Barkley]

No, what?

[Denny Wi]

He's down in the recreation room with Jennifer. His ears are booed to the radio. He says that if you want to be a great radioactor, you've got to know every program on the air.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, hello there, Jennifer. What's that tall, skinny thing?

[Jennifer]

That's a mop.

[Mike McNally]

A mop?

[Mr. Barkley]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

If it was Frank Sinatra, I'd be wearing Barbie socks.

[Mike McNally]

Well, Jennifer, all girls. Did you have a good time last night at the New Year's Eve party?

[Jennifer]

Good time? Asking me if I had a good time is like asking Gabriel. He'd if there's good news tonight. Well, that was the finest party I ever seen.

[Mike McNally]

Was everybody lit up?

[Jennifer]

Lit up? It's the first time I ever saw a Christmas tree blush with shame.

[Mike McNally]

Really?

[Jennifer]

That why in fire, Uncle Charlie threw a saddle over a bottle of White Horse and started looking for Indians.

[Mr. Barkley]

Oh, me, oh, my.

[Jennifer]

McNally is the only day in the year I take firewater.

[Mike McNally]

It's New Year's Eve.

[Jennifer]

But last night there was so much scotch flowing that my boyfriend and I went home separately.

[Mike McNally]

Because of the scotch. You went home separately?

[Jennifer]

Yeah. He took the high road and I took the low road.

[Mike McNally]

Plenty of scotch, eh?

[Mr. Barkley]

Yeah.

[Jennifer]

And about 11 o', clock, Haig turned to Haig and said, let's get out of here before we get pinched. But you should have seen my cousin, Nylon Sam.

[Mike McNally]

Why do you call him Nylon Sam?

[Jennifer]

Well, he made a mistake and drank a filth of liquid leg makeup.

[Mike McNally]

I suppose he got so high he couldn't walk a straight seam. I had one or two drinks myself, Jennifer.

[Jennifer]

Well, if I know you, McNally, one's enough.

[Mr. Barkley]

What'd you drink?

[Mike McNally]

Horses, Nick.

[Jennifer]

I don't care about a horse's love life. What did you drink?

[Mike McNally]

French wine. But it didn't taste so good. You know that French wine, they eat sample on the grapes with their feet. Well, why didn't it taste good, GI Hughes?

[Jennifer]

Oh, was it powerful?

[Mike McNally]

Powerful. I took one sip and became a singer.

[Jennifer]

A singer?

[Mike McNally]

Uh huh. I went out and sang a duet with a lamppost.

[Jennifer]

Well, that was the nicest New Year Eve party we ever had. We toasted the victory at midnight. Yes, sir. My sister Bessie's boyfriend is in the Navy and mine is in the army.

[Mike McNally]

I see.

[Jennifer]

So first she proposed a toast and we drank to Admiral Nimitt. Then it was my turn and we drank to General Eisenhower. Then it was Bessie's turn and we drank to Admiral Halsey.

[Mike McNally]

Then my turn again.

[Jennifer]

And we drank to General MacArthur. Then Bessie drank to Admiral King. Then I drank to General Hardy. Then Bessie drank to Admiral Lay. Then I drank to General Wainwright. Then. Then McNally. Do you know how many admirals and generals there are in the United States Armed Forces?

[Mike McNally]

No. How many?

[Jennifer]

About three and a half quarts.

[Mike McNally]

Hey, how long did this go on?

[Jennifer]

Well, Bethy went on to Commander Robert Montgomery, and then I drank to Captain Eddie Rickenbacker.

[Mike McNally]

And then what else happened?

[Jennifer]

Well, I don't know. Everything went black when we got to Private Hard Road.

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[Jennifer]

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[Jennifer]

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[Mike McNally]

I came down here to study acting. I've got a big part on the radio tomorrow night.

[Jennifer]

That's what I call killing the killer cycle.

[Mike McNally]

Ah, yes. Armor Swift, the big radio writer, producer and actor is using me on his big program. And he told me that I've got to learn to be a radioactor by practicing hard and listening to the radio.

[Jennifer]

Then Turn it on, McNally. Turn it on. It's just about time for one of them daytime serials.

[Mike McNally]

Okay, he goes, we listen to the daytime serials. Maybe I can learn something about acting.

[Mr. Barkley]

Ah, good afternoon, friends. Once again, it is time for the straw cab program brought to you by the makers of straw cab. Remember, straw cab spelled backwards is backwards. A small cab company makes snooter, which spelled backwards is buttons. The buttons go on your underwear and underwear backwards is very uncomfortable. Now another episode in the story of Primrose honeysuckle girl Dock Wallopa. Of course, this being the straw cab program where we do everything backwards. We bring you our dramatic sequence backwards. As the story opens, Tim Rose backs in through a door and says to

[Denny Wi]

Craig, which me love you that say you don't. Why Craig?

[Mr. Barkley]

Oh, else somebody with love in Am I fool you? Because holy smokes McNally.

[Jennifer]

They're talking backwards.

[Mike McNally]

Yeah, backwards talk. Another Jennifer smokes holy you to belong

[Denny Wi]

my half my that you know you don't but.

[Mr. Barkley]

And so, friends, we have brought you the backwoods program sponsored by straw cap. Listen in yesterday and find out what didn't happen tomorrow afternoon. Good.

[Mike McNally]

That's enough of that. I guess so. That's what they mean when they say radio drama. Gosh, I ought to be able to

[Mr. Barkley]

act as well as that when Armor

[Mike McNally]

Swift has me on his program. Well, I'd better do a little practicing. Oh, look, Jennifer, I have the balcony scene here for Romeo and Juliet. Would you play Juliet while they read the part of Romeo?

[Jennifer]

Well, I can't, McNally. I have work to do here in the basement. Gotta keep the store clean for Mr. Berkeley, you know. But if you want to practice a balcony scene, I'll find someone who will play it with you. Somebody I know in the stock room.

[Mike McNally]

Okay, Jennifer, thanks a lot. You Find someone in the stockroom and play Juliet to my Romeo. Soft, white light through yonder window breaks. It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. Ah, the brightness of her cheek would shame the stars. See how she leans her cheek upon her hand. Or that I wear a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek, O peach thighs. Romeo, She speaks. Is that speaking? O, speak again, bright angel. For thou art as glorious to this night be in o' er my head as is a winged messenger of heaven.

[Denny Wi]

Speak.

[Mike McNally]

Speak. I can't. My mouth is full of marshmallows. While Juliet, with love's light wings did I o' er perch these walls, fearful lest thy rash parent, thy father, should find us in this priceless place. Thy father is a Capulet, and my father a Montague. I thought your father was Irish. Please, Mr. Gribble, try to do this thing right. Mr. Berkeley's invited all his friends and customers to see me in armor. Swift's production. I've got to practice acting. Now for the third page. False speech. Lord Juliet, fairest one. Thine eyes are burning jewels. Thy lips are two flames of desire. Thy hair is a reddish firebrand. What are you giving me, a hot foot? Please, Mr. Gribble, read the pat. It was supposed to be Juliet. Lady, by yonder blessed moon, I swear the tips with silver. All these fruit tree tops. Oh, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon. Then, fair one. What, oh, what shall I swear by? Don't swear at all. It's nasty. Mr. Gribble, please read the part. Go on. Ah, Romeo, my Romeo leavest me not Now. Now come but up to my balcony and kiss me. Kiss me until yon cows come home. I'd rather wait and kiss the cows. Ah, but halt. Why dost thou leave me? I must leave you.

[Mr. Barkley]

I must.

[Mike McNally]

But whither goest thou? I go to push a peanut with my nose across the Brooklyn Bridge. But why? I bet on USC in the Rose bowl game.

[Mr. Barkley]

Well, Denny, how's Mike coming along with his acting?

[Denny Wi]

I don't know, Mr. Berkeley, but I hear that he's listening to the radio, practicing Shakespeare, getting all set for his dramatic debut with Arma Swift.

[Mr. Barkley]

I hope McNally gives a great performance. I made my wife Emma give up an important date to go to the program with us. And all of my biggest customers will be my personal guests to see what mc.

[Denny Wi]

Well, I hope it works out all right. I've never thought of Mike as a great actor, but I suppose Armor Swift knows talent when he sees it. Personally, I Think that as an actor. Yes, as an actor, Mike conveys two emotions.

[Mr. Barkley]

Two emotions? What are they?

[Denny Wi]

Joy and indigestion.

[Mike McNally]

Ah, it's almost time for the rehearsal, McNally. Time for Mr. Swift to present you with the part that you're going to play. You better turn on the radio once more and listen to some real dramatic acting, because you know what to do. Here's the switch. We'll see what's on.

[Denny Wi]

Hello. Hello, dear, dear lady. This is Tallulah Fat Head,

[Jennifer]

bringing you

[Denny Wi]

my daily visit with recipes, little household piece, a poem or two, and how to clean a chicken. You shouldn't lose the gizzard. Now, now, first I've received a letter from a listener who wants to know how to make a strawberry cake. The letter says, dear Cholula, would you tell me how to make a strawberry cake with a steel file in it signed Killer Malati. There now, isn't that sweet? But first, a recipe. I shall tell you how to make a dish called Mother in law's Frappe and commonly known as Mickey Fish.

[Mike McNally]

Ah, that's not dramatic acting. That won't do me any good. I'd better try another station.

[Mr. Barkley]

And here's some real news, ladies and gentlemen. It has just been reported officially from his headquarters that General Ulysses S. Grant has captured the city of Richmond, Virginia. President Abraham Lincoln has not issued any statement after this great news, but one is expected shortly.

[Mike McNally]

Hey, what is this? Grandchild? Richmond? What kind of news is that?

[Mr. Barkley]

This is a very old radio. And who asked you?

[Mike McNally]

Ah, McNally. Nothing on the radio to help you. But why worry? You'll be a big success as an actor. Come on. Take that marvelous bit of literature you have and practice with it. This listenary masterpiece will do the job. If you can read this, you'll be okay. You'll be all ready for our More smith program on McNally. We've got a martial masterpiece. Peter Piper picked a pecker. Pickled peppers. Marvelous. McNally, terrific. After your first performance, you'll be a big star. You'll make a million dollars. People will give you gifts. They'll give you everything you want. You won't have to spend a penny to get what you want.

[Mr. Barkley]

Nuts. What's the use?

[Mike McNally]

There you'll be, McNally, stuck with a lousy million dol. Well, Mr. Swift, here I am. Ready to see my part you play. I'm in time for the rehearsal.

[Mr. Barkley]

Ah, yes, MacNelly, sit down. Here is the role you might be able to do on my program tomorrow. I want you to read it for me with all the expression you can.

[Mike McNally]

Is this the part?

[Mr. Barkley]

Yes. Very nice part. Go ahead, start reading. It's a murder mystery. You get killed on page 23. But you have 23 pages of fine lines to read it. Go ahead.

[Mike McNally]

All right. I didn't know it, but Rifkin was the purple cheddar all the time.

[Mr. Barkley]

McNelly, now that I hear you read the part, perhaps you'll get killed on page 18. But you have 18 pages of fine lines to read.

[Jennifer]

Go on.

[Mike McNally]

I came to this deserted house on a cliff. It was raining.

[Mr. Barkley]

McNelly, now that I hear you read more of the part, perhaps you'll get kids on page seven. But you have seven pages of fine lines to read. All I have.

[Mike McNally]

Who would have thought Mifkin's wife was in the kitchen planning to drop an atomic bomb in an orphan home?

[Mr. Barkley]

McNally, now that I've heard you read the whole part, I've made an interesting decision.

[Mike McNally]

You mean I get killed on page five?

[Mr. Barkley]

No.

[Mike McNally]

Page four?

[Mr. Barkley]

No.

[Mike McNally]

Three?

[Mr. Barkley]

No.

[Mike McNally]

When do I get killed?

[Mr. Barkley]

When the show begins. You're dead. That's right. And there'll be a brief pause while rigor mortis sets in.

[Mike McNally]

You mean I won't get to say a word in the program? Not a word in the whole play.

[Mr. Barkley]

Oh, yes. I just thought of something you can do and do it beautifully.

[Mike McNally]

What is it?

[Mr. Barkley]

Like this McGarry you see during the program. Well, Mike, to go to the rehearsal.

[Mike McNally]

Yes, Mr. Barkley.

[Mr. Barkley]

Have you got your piece?

[Mike McNally]

I have.

[Mr. Barkley]

I hope it's sensational, Mike. It better be. I've invited all our best customers to the broadcast. I don't want you to embarrass me.

[Mike McNally]

I won't.

[Mr. Barkley]

Mrs. Berkey is giving up an important day to attend the dramatic presentation to see you perform, Mike.

[Mike McNally]

I know.

[Mr. Barkley]

I've told everyone I know how proud I am to be a friend of yours. I've told everyone I know not to miss hearing you on Armor Swift's program. Now tell me, my boy, what are you gonna do?

[Mike McNally]

Pull up a chair, Mr. Bush.

[Mr. Barkley]

What's your part of the program, Mike?

[Mike McNally]

Well, it's a one hour show, you know. Yes, it's a big affair with music and a cast of 40 people.

[Mr. Barkley]

Yes, but what do you do, Mike?

[Mike McNally]

Well, the program is sponsored by Fizz, the best sort of drink there is.

[Mr. Barkley]

I see. What do you do?

[Mike McNally]

Well, there's a big commercial announcement in the show. It goes like this, Fizz, the best soda joke there is. Friends, open a bottle and cheap yourself.

[Mr. Barkley]

I know.

[Mike McNally]

I've heard that before then, they open a soda bucket.

[Mr. Barkley]

But I still want to know, what do you do on the program?

[Mike McNally]

If you listen closely, you can hear my part.

[Mr. Barkley]

What do you do, Mike? What is your dramatic role?

[Mike McNally]

Well, in that announcement, after they say the stuff about fizz, they open a soda bottle. So?

[Mr. Barkley]

So what? So what do you do? What do you do?

[Mike McNally]

I'm going to bring the bottle open.

[Mr. Barkley]

Isn't that just then, well. Well, because you've embarrassed me again, Mike, because you've disgraced me again, I'm going to take you by the throat and come back here. Where are you going?

[Mike McNally]

I'm getting out of here. Boy, I get killed. I'm going out through that door.

[Mr. Barkley]

It's not a door, it's a window. It's a door. It's a window. Door, window.

[Mike McNally]

That's a window that I'm Gregory patched. I'm walking through it right now. Send Ingrid Braces down with a band aid.

[Mr. Barkley]

Mutual is presented. Leave it to Mike with Walter kinsella as Mike McNally. Be sure to listen again next week at the same time for Mike McNally and his adventures in Berkeley's sporting goods shore. Now here's Mike again. Well, McNally, what are you doing with that paper and pencil?

[Mike McNally]

Oh, I'm composing a song, Mr. Barry. It's a beautiful, tender, romantic melody.

[Mr. Barkley]

What's it called?

[Mike McNally]

Grandma's Hands are dirty because they Forgot to Wash the Dice. Happy New Year, Mr. Barry. Happy New Year, everyone.

[Mr. Barkley]

Happy New Year, Mike. And we'll be seeing you again next week when Mr. Bertley says, Leave it to Mike.

[Mike McNally]

Mike McNally.

[Mr. Barkley]

Leave it to Mike is written by Howard Merrill and Alan Sherman and the program is directed by Roger Bauer. Any similarity on this program to actual persons, places or events is purely coincidental. Leave it to Mike came to you from the Mutual Longacre Theater in New York. This is the Mutual Broadcasting System.

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