Leave It To Mike - Trying To Help Philandering Boss

Summary

Podcast Summary: Leave It To Mike – “Trying To Help Philandering Boss”

Podcast: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Episode Date: May 16, 2026
Episode Theme:
A comedic romp through post-war workplace antics as Mike McNally helps his boss, Mr. Berkeley, navigate a potentially disastrous night out with a singer, Elsa Miranda. Blending farce and banter, the episode provides a tongue-in-cheek look at relationships, loyalty, and mishaps at the Berkeley Sporting Goods Store with plenty of classic radio humor.

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode centers around Mike McNally’s (general manager of Berkeley Sporting Goods Store) well-intentioned but bumbling attempts to extricate his boss, Mr. Berkeley, from the fallout of his dalliances with Elsa Miranda, a singer newly employed at the store. As Mike juggles workplace loyalties, romantic misunderstandings, and literal key mix-ups, the show satirizes office life, marriage, and personal responsibility in the style of 1940s radio comedies.

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Episode Breakdown

1. Opening Banter and Romantic Misfires (00:31–03:28)

• Mike’s playful rapport with Dinny Wig, his girlfriend, sets the comedic tone as he repeatedly bungles attempts at romance.

  • Notable quote:
    • “Jinny, as I stand here looking at you, tears come to my eyes.”
      “Why?”
      “My shoes are killing me.”
      — Mike & Dinny (03:00)

• Dinny wishes for a stable, romantic married life (“I want to live in a $20,000 house”), while Mike responds with flippant jokes, hinting at his avoidance of responsibility.

• The conversation shifts to gossip about the boss, Mr. Berkeley, and his evident flirtation with Elsa Miranda.

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2. Mr. Berkeley’s Philandering Exposed (03:29–04:41)

• Dinny scolds Mike for not being more romantic and for excusing Mr. Berkeley’s indiscretions.
• Elsa Miranda’s dual role as both the store’s singing promotion and a nightclub singer at the “Diaper Club” is introduced, with Mike confirming Mr. Berkeley’s infatuation.

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3. Distraction at the Club – Enter Mr. Safari (04:46–07:56)

• Mike is sent to the club to extricate Mr. Berkeley from the verbose Mr. Safari, an “African explorer” whose endless, exaggerated stories serve as comic relief.
• Elsa Miranda performs “This is Where I Came In” (07:08-09:21), a tongue-in-cheek torch song that satirizes romance and cyclical relationships.

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4. Back at the Store: Key Mix-Ups and Side Characters (13:07–16:28)

• Mike’s search for Mr. Berkeley’s house key in the store introduces comical sidekick Jennifer, whose own romantic exploits mirror the episode’s marital farce.
  • “The mails must go through!” – Jennifer, describing her never-ending game of ‘post office’ with her boyfriend (15:25)
• Jennifer and Mike joke about perfumes (“desperate cucumber” instead of “fatal apple”) and her exaggerated country club lifestyle.

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5. The Great Key Debacle (16:28–23:38)

• After retrieving several keys from the store’s basement (with Jennifer’s help), Mike returns to the freezing Mr. Berkeley and the ever-chatty Mr. Safari, only to discover the trunk with all the keys is locked—inside it, the key to the trunk itself.
  • “How many altogether?”
    “You want the exact number?”
    “The exact number. How many keys do we have to try?”
    “4,187.”
    — Mike & Mr. Berkeley (20:00)
• The trio attempts to try each key, marking the passage of time and Mike’s tireless optimism.

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6. Farcical Climax: All for Nothing (23:05–24:14)

• After hours of effort, Mike finally remembers what he’s been trying to tell Mr. Berkeley all night:
  • “Your wife hasn’t been home for two days. She went to Florida.” — Mike (23:48)
• The entire charade—freezing on the porch, trying hundreds of keys—was unnecessary, as Mrs. Berkeley would not have heard her husband sneaking in.

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7. Denouement: Elsa’s Confession and Mike’s Fate (24:14–25:39)

• Elsa Miranda arrives, revealing she had the missing house key in her mink coat—a gift from Mr. Berkeley.
• The secret of the mink coat threatens to expose Mr. Berkeley’s indiscretion, but Mike plays along, feigning ignorance to get his job back.
  • “If you never heard about that mink coat, you might get your job back.” — Mr. Berkeley (25:15)
• The group, now in high spirits, heads out for breakfast in Mike’s “broken down automobile,” closing on a musical number poking fun at Mike’s car.

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8. Coda: Comic Social Commentary (27:48–29:03)

• The show breaks the fourth wall as Dinny and Mike discuss real-world issues—postwar inflation, black markets, housing shortages—framed through their lighthearted banter.
  • “If we don’t cooperate with price ceilings, there’ll be more black marketing and greater shortages. Eventually, ruinous inflation.” — Mike (28:38)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Why don’t you say something poetic, something inspiring?” — Dinny Wig (02:51)
• “If I don’t marry you, I hope I end up in China.” — Mike (03:11)
• “This week he’s kissing Elsa Miranda.” — Mike, gossiping about the boss (03:37)
• “The stores closed at night.” / “I know. She also works as a singer at that nightclub, The Diaper Club.” — Dinny & Mike (03:57)
• “As I looked around me at the ferocious beast...” — Mr. Safari, who never finishes a story (05:55 onward)
• “I tossed them into the trunk in the back seat.” / “The trunk is locked?” / “I haven’t got the key… It’s locked inside the trunk.” — Mike & Mr. Berkeley (20:31–20:54)
• “Your wife hasn’t been home for two days. She went to Florida.” — The punchline (23:48)
• “One person gets a mink coat, another one gets the sack.” — Mike (24:52)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening Comedy & Relationship Setup: [00:31–03:28]
• Elsa Miranda and Mr. Berkeley’s Affair Introduced: [03:28–04:41]
• Club Scene & Mr. Safari’s Stories: [04:46–07:56]
• Elsa’s Song (“This is Where I Came In”): [07:08–09:21]
• Key Search & Jennifer’s Country Club Jokes: [13:07–16:28]
• The Key Crisis Escalates: [16:28–20:45]
• Trying 4,000 Keys: [20:00–23:05]
• The Reveal (“Your wife went to Florida”): [23:44–24:14]
• Final Reconciliation & Group Breakfast: [25:39–26:50]
• Social Message and Closing Gag: [27:48–29:03]

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Episode Tone & Style

• Classic, rapid-fire radio banter
• Escalating farce, built around misunderstandings, repeated gags and wordplay
• Lighthearted satire of office culture and post-war social life
• Musical interludes as comic commentary

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For listeners who missed the episode, Leave It To Mike – "Trying To Help Philandering Boss” delivers a quintessential slice of Golden Age radio comedy: miscommunication, slapstick escalation, and a sharp (if affectionate) send-up of human foibles. The humor is broad, the pacing brisk, and the conclusion—where all their efforts are revealed pointless—is a classic comic payoff.

Transcript

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[Mike McNally]

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[Mr. Berkeley]

Leave it to Mike. Mike McNally.

[Mike McNally]

Yes, Mr. Berkeley?

[Mr. Berkeley]

Mike.

[Mike McNally]

Why in the devil. I can explain everything.

[Narrator]

Mutual presents. Leave it to Mike. With Walter kinsella as Mike McNally. Mike's the general manager of Berkeley Sporting Goods Store.

[Mr. Berkeley]

That.

[Narrator]

That friendly institution that's been serving its customers faithfully for more than 30 years. Everyone knows and likes Berkeley Sporting Goods Store. Well, Mac, what's new?

[Mike McNally]

Oh, I see in the paper that Betty Grable went to a separation center. Mr. Chase and all the soldiers ran right by him.

[Narrator]

Drilling.

[Mike McNally]

No drooling.

[Narrator]

Well, McNally, how are the post war shortages affecting you?

[Mike McNally]

Oh, I don't mind them. They tell them it's hard to get eggs. The chickens are too patriotic.

[Narrator]

Too patriotic?

[Mike McNally]

They won't give you an egg unless you bring back the empty shell.

[Narrator]

What else happened in the store? This?

[Mike McNally]

Well, I was. It was Mrs. Berkeley's birthday and we had a party with a beautiful birthday cake. Yes, we would have written Happy Birthday on the cake, but we couldn't get it in the typewriter.

[Narrator]

And that's Mike McNally.

[Mike McNally]

That's me. Yes, it is very true.

[Narrator]

As we meet Mike McNally. He's with his lovely girlfriend, Dinny Wig, in Berkeley's sporting goods store. Mike is about to ask Denny a very important question. A question a man asks of the girl he adores. A question every man asks just once in his lifetime. The answer to which determines their future together. We give you Mike McNally asking that all important question.

[Mike McNally]

Dinny, darling.

[Dinny Wig]

Yes, Mike?

[Mike McNally]

I want to ask you something. After all, we've known each other a long time and we love each other. And the moment has come for me to ask that question.

[Dinny Wig]

Go ahead, Mike. Don't be bashful. Every man has to summon up the courage to ask that question.

[Mike McNally]

Well, Jimmy. Yes, Jenny?

[Elsa Miranda]

Yes.

[Mike McNally]

Well, now you know where the city hall is, of course. And you know where the marriage license bureau is.

[Dinny Wig]

Certainly.

[Mike McNally]

Well, yes. Whatever happened to the bowling alley that was next to.

[Dinny Wig]

Mike, you're impossible. Why don't you talk about romantic things? Why don't you say something poetic, something inspiring.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, Jinny, as I stand here looking at you, tears come to my eyes.

[Dinny Wig]

Why?

[Mike McNally]

My shoes are killing me.

[Dinny Wig]

You see what I mean, Mike? You're not serious about us. You don't really want to marry me.

[Mike McNally]

Denny, if I don't marry you, I hope I end up in China. Yes, sir. If I don't marry you, I hope I end up in China. I'm glad you're serious. I'm glad I'm serious.

[Dinny Wig]

I want to get married soon.

[Mike McNally]

I want to get married soon.

[Dinny Wig]

I want to live in a $20,000 house.

[Mike McNally]

When's the next boat to China?

[Dinny Wig]

There you go again, Mike. Why can't we just get married like Mr. And Mrs. Berkeley? Like the boss and his wife? Mr. Berkeley's always kissing and kissing and kissing.

[Mike McNally]

You bet he is. This week he's kissing Elsa Miranda.

[Dinny Wig]

Elsa Miranda?

[Mike McNally]

Mm. The girl who just hired the music to happen. The one that sings the sheet music we're trying to sell.

[Dinny Wig]

You mean that while Elsa Moran is working here in the store, Mr. Berkeley is making love to her all day? You mean that goes on all day?

[Mike McNally]

She works nights, too.

[Dinny Wig]

The store's closed at night.

[Mike McNally]

I know. She also works as a singer at that night club, the Diaper Club.

[Dinny Wig]

The Diaper Club?

[Mike McNally]

Mm. The bottom part of the store.

[Elsa Miranda]

Ah, yes.

[Mike McNally]

She's the pin up girl of the Diaper Club.

[Dinny Wig]

I think that's awful.

[Mike McNally]

The joke.

[Dinny Wig]

How could he do a thing like that? Did you ever see a home broken up by infidelity? Did you ever see a marriage go on the rocks? Did you ever see the scenes in a divorce court?

[Mike McNally]

Did you ever see Elsa Miranda?

[Dinny Wig]

All right, Mike, I know she's beautiful.

[Jennifer]

But after all, Mr. Berkeley's at the

[Mike McNally]

Diaper Club right now watching elsewhere in the show. And I have to go over there as soon as I help close up the store. You? Mike, I have to go there and save Mr. Berkeley from a horrible fate.

[Elsa Miranda]

What is it?

[Dinny Wig]

What do you mean, horrible fate?

[Mike McNally]

Well, he's with someone. He's with the famous African explorer, Mr. Safari. First name's Harry. Harry Safari.

[Dinny Wig]

That Blabbermouth. How can Mr. Berkeley stand him? He never stops talking. He's always talking about his trip to Madagascar.

[Mike McNally]

Well, Mrs. Safari's an important customer of the stores, didn't he? But Mr. Berkeley can't stand the way he talks about his African clips all the time. So he told me to come and get him and take him away so as he can avoid spending the whole night with Mr. Safari.

[Dinny Wig]

So you're Going to the club to see Elsa Miranda. Tell me, Mike, what song does she sing in the club?

[Mike McNally]

Oh, she sings a famous number entitled La Signore el do rio mino geneiro in campo ESN aloredo Regina. La negares cavi tequila muchacrande Le chicagani papa frita.

[Dinny Wig]

What song is that?

[Mike McNally]

Chickery chick.

[Mr. Safari]

Then, Mr. Berkeley? Suddenly from nowhere, a huge lion came roaring toward me. I turned and started to retreat, but behind me was a boa constrictor.

[Mr. Berkeley]

To my left, what happened with the Safari?

[Mr. Safari]

To my left, the snarling orangutan crept toward me, anxious to devour me.

[Mr. Berkeley]

But what happened, Mr. Safari?

[Mr. Safari]

On my right, a fanatical band of headhunters, crawling at the mouth, walked step by step, closer and closer, holding knives in their hands.

[Mr. Berkeley]

But what happened, Mr. Safari?

[Mr. Safari]

Wait till I finish, Berkeley, please. In the tree above me, the devilish man eating goona goona flower Was opening its treacherous petals. Below me, my feet were caught in a steel jaw trap I had set previously to catch an elephant.

[Mr. Berkeley]

What? What happened, Mr. Safari? What happened?

[Mr. Safari]

What happened? I'll tell you right now. In that hopeless situation, I suddenly got an idea.

[Mr. Berkeley]

What was it? What was it?

[Mr. Safari]

I decided to crush. Ah, there's Elsa Miranda. Isn't she a charmer?

[Mr. Berkeley]

She certainly is, Mr. Safari. But tell me, how did you get out of that awful situation? What was the idea you got?

[Mr. Safari]

Well, I just happen to have. Yes, yes, I happen to have.

[Mike McNally]

Yes, sir.

[Mr. Safari]

Elsa's going to sing for us all here in the club. Isn't that charming?

[Mr. Berkeley]

What happened to you in the jungle?

[Mr. Safari]

As I looked around me at the ferocious beast. How did she sing? This is where I came in. She always opens her act with that charming number.

[Elsa Miranda]

Stop. Why must you hand me that line? Oh, stop. I know I'm simply divine.

[Mike McNally]

But stop.

[Elsa Miranda]

I know you long to be mine. But stop. Remove the sentimental music. Don't let the sweet begin.

[Jennifer]

Begin.

[Mike McNally]

Turn off the moon on high.

[Elsa Miranda]

The starlit sky. This is where I came in. No more sophisticated drama. Don't wanna take it on the chin. I just as soon forgo my Romeo. This is where I came in. Sweet nothing's always bonnie when muffins what they mean. You say that you adore me. But that's just a line from a

[Dinny Wig]

play that you've seen.

[Elsa Miranda]

I'm tired of everything romantic. Forget the gypsy violin. Kiss someone else pass by. Kiss me goodbye. This is where I came in. With nothing always for me. When nothing's what they mean. You say that you adore me. That's just a line from a play that you've seen I'm tired of everything romantic Forget the gypsy violin if someone else sat by kiss me goodbye this is where I came in. This is where I came in.

[Mr. Berkeley]

There comes the general manager of my store. You know Mike McNally, don't you?

[Mr. Safari]

Oh, yes, Mike. That reminds me. Microbes. There in the jungle, I was surrounded

[Mike McNally]

by vicious microbes and Mr. Safari.

[Mr. Berkeley]

How are you, Mike? Oh, fine, fine.

[Mike McNally]

Just fine, Mr. Berkeley. Oh, by the way, there was something I had to tell you, but I can't seem to remember what it was.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Well, you'll think of it, Mike.

[Mike McNally]

And you, Mr. Safari. What's new? What do you hear?

[Mr. Safari]

I hear Tum Tum.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, my goodness.

[Mr. Safari]

It was a band of headhunters coming to get me in the jungle.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Ah, Mike, for goodness sake, get me out of here.

[Mike McNally]

Okay, Mr. Berkeley. Gee, I wish I could remember what I was supposed to tell you. Well, shall we drive Mr. Bertley home in my rattlesnap?

[Mr. Berkeley]

Rattletap?

[Mr. Safari]

There were rattlesnakes all around me. I tried to wriggle out before the natives speared me. I offered them money. I offered them a mint.

[Mike McNally]

Ah, yes, Wrigley Spearmint.

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[Mike McNally]

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[Mike McNally]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Well, here we are at your house, Mr. Bernie McNally.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Be quiet. Don't make a sound. If my wife Emma hears me coming in this late, she'll murder me. She'll tear me limb from limb.

[Mike McNally]

Well, that reminds me. I'm sure I had something to tell you, but I. I can't remember. Shh.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Don't tell me. Now, look, Mr. Safari is getting out of the car. He'll be out here in a second. I have to get into the house and get rid of that big fat boar.

[Mr. Safari]

Speaking of boars, this jungle incident was at the time of the boar war. There I was.

[Mike McNally]

There you should be.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Mr. Safari, please don't make any noise. If we wake up my wife, I'll be in awful trouble. Now, where's my key? I'll open this door very slowly and tiptoe upstairs and get into bed. She's fast asleep, I'm sure. Where's the key?

[Mike McNally]

Hurry up, Mr. Burton. It's cold out here in the park.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Yes, yes, so it is. I'll open the door and. Oh, good gracious. Where's my key? It was in my coat pocket. No, it's not there. I can't ring the bell. That'd wake her up if it wasn't so dark. It's blackest pitch out.

[Mr. Safari]

Oh, blackest pitch. That reminds me. The Black hole of Calcutta. Blackest pitch there too.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Where the dickens is that key? It's not in my wallet. It's not in my pants. I don't dare ring the bell. The slightest sound will wake Emma up.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, that key. Oh, don't worry, Mr. Berkeley. If I could only remember what I was supposed to tell you.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Oh, never mind that now, McNally. I guess I haven't got the key.

[Mr. Safari]

You go down to the store and

[Mr. Berkeley]

find that key to this door. I don't want to ring this bell.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, I'll find it in a minute. I'll be back in a jiffy.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Well, for heaven's sake, hurry up. I'm freezing to death. And besides, I have to listen to this raving idiot talk about Africa. What a moron he is.

[Mr. Safari]

Moron? That reminds me. It was more on the south side of the. The jungle. 12 cannibals were blowing arrows through little cylinders to pierce me.

[Mike McNally]

Ah, yes. 12 cylinder, Pierce arrows. Well, McNelly, here you are at Mr. Berkeley's office. And you'd better find that key for him. He's freezing on the porch waiting for you with Mrs. A fairy. Oh, my goodness. What will happen if Mrs. Berkeley hears her husband downstairs? She'll mobilize him. Just look at Mr. Berkeley's office, McNally. It's not much better than the room where you work. He has only one sink in his office. There are 12 sinks in yours. Besides, who comes into Mr. Berkeley's office? Justice Secretary. Who comes into your office? McDelley the plumber. Oh, me, oh my. There's Jennifer now. There, Jennifer, why are you walking up and down with that mup? Are you cleaning up?

[Jennifer]

I ain't picking in the Fuller Brush company.

[Mike McNally]

Where you been lately, Jennifer?

[Jennifer]

Well, I've been going around with high society. I joined the Meadow Hills Polo, badminton, cricket, rugby and hunting club.

[Mike McNally]

What does everybody do there?

[Jennifer]

Oh, most of them don't go in for sports like I do. They just sit around drinking Southern Comfort.

[Mike McNally]

What do you do?

[Jennifer]

I drink free feathers.

[Mike McNally]

Is it fun at the country club?

[Jennifer]

Well, it would be, except for my boyfriend.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, Jennifer, can't you think of anything else but men?

[Jennifer]

Sure, but why should I torture myself?

[Mike McNally]

How are you getting along with your boyfriend?

[Jennifer]

Oh, he gave me a bottle of perfume last week.

[Mike McNally]

Christmas night?

[Jennifer]

No.

[Mike McNally]

Even in Paris. Twilight on the Riviera. Now, what was the perfume called?

[Jennifer]

Afternoon with Bo Planty.

[Mike McNally]

Didn't he give you perfume last week? Didn't he give you a bottle of fatal apples?

[Jennifer]

That wasn't fatal apple. That was desperate cucumber.

[Mike McNally]

Did you have a date with them last night?

[Jennifer]

Oh, yes. We sat on the front porch together.

[Mike McNally]

Did he kiss you?

[Jennifer]

Uh huh.

[Mike McNally]

We played post office. Isn't that sweet?

[Jennifer]

First I sent a letter to him.

[Mike McNally]

You mean you kissed him?

[Mr. Berkeley]

Uh huh.

[Jennifer]

Then he sent a letter to me. Then I sent a letter to him. Then he sent a letter to me. And I sent a letter to him. Then he sent a letter to me. Don't stop me, McNally. The mails must go through.

[Mike McNally]

Jennifer, is that the only game you know?

[Jennifer]

Oh, no. We got through at post office. We played another game. It was entirely different.

[Mike McNally]

Entirely different. What kind of a game?

[Jennifer]

A kissing game. Now, you see, in this game, I kiss him for Czechoslovakia. Then he kisses me for Brazil. I kiss him for England. Then he kisses me for France. And that kisses. Kisses me for France. And thou kisses me for France. And thou kisses me for France. And thou kisses me for France. And thou kisses me for France. And then. McNally, do you know how. McNally, do you know how that game went on?

[Mr. Safari]

No.

[Jennifer]

How long they're gonna put the United nations headquarters on my front porch.

[Mike McNally]

Well, Jennifer, I'd like to stay here and talk to you, but I have to find something. Mr. Berkeley thinks he left the key to his house somewhere in the store. He's waiting for me right now. Have you got any idea where the key is?

[Jennifer]

Oh, I think I do. Come on down the basement with me. I think I know just where Mr. Berkeley's key is. I'll help you find it. Come with me, McNally.

[Mr. Safari]

And then, Mr. Berkeley. Directly over me was a tremendous jaguar, reaching his heavy paws toward my throat.

[Mr. Berkeley]

But what happened, Mr. Safari?

[Mr. Safari]

I decided there was only one thing to do. Fortunately, I happen to have with me. Yes, I happen to have with me.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Yes.

[Mr. Safari]

I wonder whatever happened to McNally.

[Mike McNally]

Yes.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Confound it. I've been standing here on this porch for three hours.

[Mr. Safari]

It's so cold here.

[Mr. Berkeley]

And if I don't get that key and sneak upstairs before Emma wakes up and is discovers that I've been out.

[Mr. Safari]

Ah, your Troubles are over, Mr. Mercury. There comes McNally now in his car.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Oh, thank heavens. You wait here in the porch, Mr. Safari. I'll go meet McNally.

[Mr. Safari]

All right, I'll wait here. But hurry up. It's so cold here.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Oh, at last. McNally's here. I'll go to his car and make him get out there.

[Mike McNally]

Come on, Sea Biscuit, old guy.

[Elsa Miranda]

Well, only half that door.

[Mike McNally]

You can make it if you try.

[Jennifer]

Stop.

[Mike McNally]

Stop that car.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Don't go any further. Stop your car.

[Mike McNally]

Okay, Mr. Berkeley. I'll pull the brake. Okay, okay. Se Biscuit, old girl, you can't do a beautiful stop. They never tell you to pass. You.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Well, McNally, can you get out of that jalopy yourself, or shall I get a can opener?

[Mike McNally]

Don't you Insult my car, Mr. Berkeley. The last man who assaulted my car got into a lot of trouble.

[Mr. Berkeley]

He did?

[Mike McNally]

Yes, he robbed a bank.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Well, McNally, have you got my.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, gee, I wish I could remember what it was they were supposed to tell you.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Oh, forget about that. Have you got my key? Remember, Mike, I don't want to wake up my wife, Emma. She'll know I was out with Elsa. Miranda, I want to sneak in the house. You were supposed to get the key. It's taken you three hours.

[Mike McNally]

Why did you ring the bell?

[Mr. Berkeley]

Because I told you I don't want to wake up my wife. I told you a thousand times. I don't want to wake up my wife. She'll murder me. I want to do this quietly. I want it quiet.

[Jennifer]

Quiet, quiet. Shh.

[Dinny Wig]

Shh.

[Mike McNally]

Mr. Berkeley, you'll wake up your wife.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Mike, have you got my key?

[Mike McNally]

Well, Mr. Berkeley?

[Mr. Berkeley]

Have you got my key?

[Mike McNally]

Mr. Berkeley?

[Mr. Berkeley]

Yes?

[Mike McNally]

Pull off a fender and sit down.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Have you got my key?

[Mike McNally]

I went to the store just like you told me.

[Mr. Berkeley]

What happened?

[Mike McNally]

Jennifer showed me quite a lot of keys in the basement.

[Mr. Berkeley]

What did you bring, Mike?

[Mike McNally]

I wasn't sure which one opened the door to your house, so I brought several keys.

[Mr. Berkeley]

How Many keys. Did you bring one of them, sure

[Mike McNally]

to be the right one?

[Mr. Berkeley]

How many did you bring?

[Mike McNally]

I tossed them into the trunk in the back seat.

[Mr. Berkeley]

How many did you bring?

[Mike McNally]

We'll just try each key until we

[Mr. Berkeley]

find the right one. How many did you bring?

[Mike McNally]

How many altogether?

[Mr. Berkeley]

All together?

[Mike McNally]

You want the exact number?

[Mr. Berkeley]

The exact number. How many keys do we have to try?

[Mike McNally]

4,000, 187.

[Mr. Berkeley]

I have to try 4,000 keys to get into my house, that's all. Isn't that just peachy?

[Mike McNally]

It won't take long.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Why?

[Mike McNally]

I'll help you.

[Mr. Berkeley]

All right, let's get started. There's nothing else I can do. Give me the keys. Where are they?

[Mike McNally]

They're in the trunk.

[Mr. Berkeley]

The trunk is locked?

[Mike McNally]

Yes, I locked it. I didn't want to lose any keys.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Then open the trunk, McNally.

[Mike McNally]

That might be a problem too.

[Mr. Berkeley]

It will.

[Mike McNally]

It will.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Why? Why can't you open the trunk?

[Mike McNally]

I haven't got the key.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Where is it?

[Mike McNally]

I didn't want to lose it.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Where is that key? Where is the key to the trunk?

[Mike McNally]

It's locked inside the trunk. Ye gods. Oh, ye gods.

[Mr. Safari]

What have I done to deserve this?

[Mike McNally]

What have I done? Well, you were a bad boy without a Miranda. You were a bad boy, weren't you? Well, weren't you? Answer yes or no. Why don't you answer yes or no?

[Mr. Berkeley]

Either way, I'm up a creek without a pattern.

[Mr. Safari]

McNally.

[Mr. Berkeley]

When you put me up the creek, I'm up there scooting around with an outboard motor. All right, come on. Take your trunk full of keys and let's see if we can open that door. I've got to get inside and I've got to to get rid of Mr. Safare.

[Mr. Safari]

Ah, was someone calling me?

[Mr. Berkeley]

No, Mr. Safari. Nobody was calling you. We're trying to get some keys out of a trunk. Ah, trunk.

[Mr. Safari]

That reminds me. An elephant's trunk was dangling ominously in front of my very eyes, ready to crush me to bits.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Wish it had.

[Mr. Safari]

The situation looked hopeless for us, too. Then I remembered I had with me

[Mike McNally]

the key to the elephant's trunk.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Yes. Yes. What did you have with you? For heaven's sake? You've been trying to finish that story all night.

[Mr. Safari]

What did you have with you? All the animals in the jungle were closing in When I remembered I had

[Mr. Berkeley]

brought along yes, yes, yes I had

[Mr. Safari]

brought along yes, My portable phonograph. I just adore Johnny Mercer See the

[Mike McNally]

old smoke rising round then by I reckon that you know Said Johnny Bees a friend Bye.

[Mr. Berkeley]

This is the 78th key we've drive. McNally, we still haven't opened that door.

[Mike McNally]

Yes, Mr. Berkeley, I know. And it's five in the morning and it's cold here.

[Mr. Berkeley]

This is the 318th key we've tried. McNally, we still haven't opened my door patient.

[Mike McNally]

Mr. Bartley, just leave it to Mike.

[Mr. Berkeley]

This is the 914th key. Mike, I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

[Mike McNally]

Don't worry, Mr. Berkeley. It's only 7 in the morning.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Mike, this is the 2,436 key we've tried. It's 9:00am this key doesn't work either.

[Mr. Safari]

McNally, it doesn't fit.

[Mr. Berkeley]

I've got half a mind to surrender, to give up, to ring the bell, wake up my wife Emma and take the consequences.

[Mike McNally]

I got it. I got it.

[Mr. Berkeley]

What have you got?

[Mike McNally]

I just remembered what I forgot to tell you. I've been trying to think of it since yesterday morning. I just remembered it.

[Mr. Berkeley]

You wake up my wife. Don't shout. I've been telling you all night that this whole problem involves not waking up my wife. I listen to Mr. Safari for hours

[Mike McNally]

telling his lousy stories.

[Mr. Berkeley]

I got pneumonia waiting here on the porch. I've lost a night's sleep trying out these keys. I'm a sick man. I'm a tired man. I'm a defeated man. And all because I didn't want to wake up my wife. Mike.

[Jennifer]

Shh.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Very quietly, tell me what you remembered. What were you supposed to tell me?

[Mike McNally]

Okay, very quietly.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Very quietly. Go ahead.

[Mike McNally]

Your wife hasn't been home for two days. She went to Florida.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Quiet.

[Mike McNally]

Then wake her up. In Florida. Do you. Do you mean to stand there and tell her? Mr. Begley, Mrs. B. Called the Star and gave me the message for you. That's what I couldn't remember.

[Mr. Berkeley]

McNally, you alarm me.

[Mr. Safari]

You're fired.

[Mr. Berkeley]

You're fired. You're Fired.

[Mike McNally]

Three alarm fired.

[Mr. Berkeley]

I'm going to break your neck or my name isn't Philip Bursley.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, look. There comes Elsa. Miranda. She's running over here. Philip.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Filthy Wilsey McNally, I'm going to take you. And I. Why, hello, Elsa, darling.

[Mr. Safari]

How's my little sweetie pie today?

[Elsa Miranda]

I ran over here before going to

[Dinny Wig]

work in the store. You know what happened?

[Mike McNally]

I found your key in my mink coat.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Well, thank you, Elsa, my love. That was very thoughtful of you.

[Mike McNally]

Well, I've been fired. So I'll just hop into my car. I'll get into old Seabiscuit and go rolling along.

[Dinny Wig]

You're Lucky I found the key.

[Mike McNally]

Philip.

[Elsa Miranda]

I was emptying out the pockets in my mink coat.

[Dinny Wig]

Mink coat you gave me, Philip.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Elsa, don't say that.

[Mike McNally]

Well, that's life. One person gets a mink coat, another one gets the sack. Goodbye, Mr. Berkeley.

[Mr. Berkeley]

McNally.

[Mike McNally]

Yes, sir?

[Mr. Berkeley]

You never heard about that mink coat.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, but I did. She just said so. She just said it.

[Mr. Berkeley]

You haven't heard a word about that mink coat.

[Mike McNally]

But, Mr. Berkeley, I may make mistakes, but I'm not deaf. She said you bought her.

[Mr. Berkeley]

McNally, if you never heard about that mink coat, you might get your job back.

[Mr. Safari]

Understand?

[Mike McNally]

If I never heard about what?

[Mr. Berkeley]

The mink coat. The coat I bought for Elsa.

[Mike McNally]

What are you talking about?

[Elsa Miranda]

What mink coat?

[Mr. Berkeley]

Oh, Mike, you clever rascal.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, Mr. Frankly. You old goat, you.

[Narrator]

Listen, suppose the three of us drive

[Mr. Berkeley]

out to the country and enjoy a nice farm breakfast together.

[Jennifer]

Oh, I'd love to. Come on.

[Mike McNally]

Why, sure. Everybody get into my car. Into Old Sea Biscuits. That's it.

[Elsa Miranda]

Well, aboard.

[Mike McNally]

Next up, ham and eggs with French

[Elsa Miranda]

fried potatoes and hot muffins. Well, off.

[Mike McNally]

Let's go, Seabiscuit. In my broken down automobile I'm a

[Elsa Miranda]

very gay schlemiel Where'd you get this old tin can?

[Mike McNally]

Straight from the smiling Irishman. You can get a lot more speed from a poemstick. Indeed.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Slow down.

[Mike McNally]

A turtle is passing us In a broken down automobile I will pay for this car. I drive by 1955. Do you think it'll last that long? Please, Mr. B. This is only song.

[Elsa Miranda]

What if we should have a wreck?

[Mike McNally]

Well, if Berkeley's knocked out, we'll neck. But I can't get as far as I'd like with you in this broken down automobile.

[Elsa Miranda]

It.

[Narrator]

Mutual has presented Leave it to Mike with Walter kinsella as Mike McNally. Leave it to Mike is written by Howard Merrill and Alan Sherman. The program is directed by Roger Bauer. Music and lyrics for this Is Where I Came in are by Alan Sherman. Now here are Mike and Denny again.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, say, Dinny, you look worried.

[Dinny Wig]

Mike, we have a problem.

[Mike McNally]

Dinny, I never saw the girl before. Never.

[Dinny Wig]

This problem is not her.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Mike sounds awfully dull.

[Dinny Wig]

It's serious, Mike, for all of you.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, that kind of a problem. I'll solve that for you right now.

[Dinny Wig]

But, Mike, take a letter. Mike, please listen.

[Mike McNally]

Dear listeners, my girlfriend here doesn't think I have a serious thought in my head. It's not that she's a dumb girl, it's just.

[Dinny Wig]

Mike, what are you talking about?

[Mike McNally]

Well, I'm talking About our problems.

[Dinny Wig]

You mean keeping prices now?

[Mike McNally]

Yes, Denny. And folks you know, and Denny knows, and even I know, that higher prices can hurt all of us. Yes, and right now is the time to lick those higher prices and those black markets.

[Dinny Wig]

Mike, I'm proud of you.

[Mike McNally]

If we'll all relax and wait a while, those civilian goods we need so badly will be coming our way. And at prices that will be reasonable.

[Dinny Wig]

And if we don't all cooperate, if

[Mike McNally]

we don't cooperate with price ceilings, there'll be more black marketing and greater shortages. Eventually ruinous inflation. You spend sensibly, cooperate with price ceilings, and one of these days, if be able to buy the things you need at prices you can afford. What's more, you'll be helping lick inflation.

[Narrator]

Thank you, Mike. Say, what are you doing with that newspaper?

[Mike McNally]

Oh, I'm reading about the housing shortage.

[Mr. Safari]

Oh, it's terrible.

[Mike McNally]

11 million people are living in tents.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Where?

[Mike McNally]

In Arabia. Good night, Mr. Chase. Good night. Good night, Mike.

[Narrator]

We'll be seeing you again next week at the same time when Mr. Berkeley

[Mike McNally]

says please it to Mike.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Mike McNally.

[Narrator]

Any similarity on this program to actual persons, places or events is purely coincidental. Leave it to Mike. Came to you from the Mutual Longacre Theater in New York. This is the mutual broadcasting system.

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[Mike McNally]

is a free to play social casino void where prohibited.

[Spinquest/Liberty Mutual Announcer]

Visit spinquest.com for more details. Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance. And now we're customizing this rush hour ad to keep you calm, which could help your driving. And science says therapy is great for a healthy mindset. So enjoy this 14 second session on us. I think you've done everything right and absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, anything that hasn't gone your way could probably be blamed on your father not being emotionally available because his father wasn't emotionally available and so on. And now that you're calm and healing, you're probably driving better too.

[Mr. Safari]

Liberty.

[Mike McNally]

Liberty. Liberty.

[Spinquest Announcer]

Liberty.