Leo And The Blonde 1947-08-12 Going To Hesters Coming Out

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Leo And The Blonde 1947-08-12 — "Going To Hester's Coming Out"

Date: August 16, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Leo and the Blonde" transports listeners to the glamorous, sometimes slapstick world of Hollywood PR in its Golden Age. It's the day of Hester Lester's coming out party—a make-or-break debut that press agent Leo has orchestrated to launch his new starlet into fame. Complications abound, from a wobbly venue arrangement to comic misunderstandings about Hester’s French-speaking persona, all culminating in a last-minute disaster just as the party is about to begin.

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Key Discussion Points & Plot Breakdown

1. The Setup: Hester’s Launch (00:00–02:12)

• Leo, the ever-anxious PR man, sets the stakes: Hester’s debut is critical to both their futures, involving elaborate (and dubious) efforts like renting a mansion and coaching Hester to pose as a "lovely from Luxembourg."
  • Quote (Leo, 00:40): "Continued liabilities immeasurably increased by Peyton Caterer and purchase of portables for the body to launch Hester in Hollywood… Well, this is the day of Hester's coming out party."

2. The Venue Worry: Will Timothy Help? (02:13–04:38)

• Tension rises as the party's location at Mr. Stoddard's house is in jeopardy due to Timothy, the butler. Timothy is hesitant about the risk, given the owner's absence and the chance the boss might return unannounced.
  • Quote (Timothy, 03:35): "I don't like the idea using a boss's house for a routine like this. He might stir up a fuss."
• Hester’s anxieties alternate between panic and cheerfulness, while Leo tries to project calm.

3. The Deal: Selling a Piece of Hester (04:39–06:55)

• Timothy leverages the crisis to secure "a percentage" of Hester's future success in exchange for letting the soirée proceed at the mansion—a tongue-in-cheek look at old Hollywood contracts.
  • Quote (Hester, 05:31): "Are you selling part of me?"
  • Quote (Leo, 05:41): "A very infinitesimal part. You will not even miss it."
  • Comedic confusion follows as Hester tries to figure out which "part" of herself is being sold.
• Contracts are hastily drawn up (by the butler, who "used to play lawyers in silent pictures"), with Leo lamenting the "highway blackmail."

4. Prep and Rehearsal: Passing as Luxembourg’s Starlet (06:56–11:29)

• Leo drills Hester in her cover identity and manners. Hester, eager but hopelessly literal, struggles with French phrases and the etiquette of Hollywood introductions.
  • Quote (Leo, 07:14): "Now, Hester, let us once again rehearse for tonight's launch. Who are you?"
  • Quote (Hester, 08:41): "So I did. But when you say, 'I'm glad to meet you,' I don't know what to do. I've only had 12 lessons, Leo."
• There are zany role-plays involving butler Jake, pretending to be a studio mogul, and increasingly farcical exchanges as Hester flounders with her stage persona.
  • Funny Moment (Jake, 10:19): "Ah, but you can't have seen the most interesting parts yet. Wouldn't you like to discover its hidden beauties, monsieur? Wonderful. Then let us fly away together…"

5. A Plan B: Maybe Don’t Let Her Talk (11:30–13:11)

• Realizing Hester will likely fail if forced to speak French (or even English), Jake suggests they simply tell everyone the starlet can't speak a word of English or any other language understood by the partygoers.
  • Quote (Jake, 11:37): "Why have her talk at all? …Tell everybody she can't speak a word of English and that no one here can understand a native tongue."
• Leo agrees, noting that Hester should rely solely on her looks and smiles—classic screwball PR logic.

6. Disaster Strikes: The Boss Comes Home! (13:12–13:39)

• Just as they're set for the party, bad news hits: the mansion’s owner, Mr. Stoddard, is unexpectedly returning that night. Panic sets in as the plan unravels.
  • Quote (Timothy, 13:27): "Timothy, the boss, Mr. Stoddard, is on his way home. I just got a telegram."
  • Quote (Leo, 13:30): "You gotta get out of here fast. No, no, no. Tragedy is stalking our footprint. Hester, what do we do? Say something."
  • Hester, hilariously, falls back to her French: "Oh, sure. Day, monsieur." (13:38)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Leo, on Hollywood Contracts (05:41):
  “A very infinitesimal part. You will not even miss it.”
  — Illustrates both his comic patter and the absurdity of old Hollywood deals.
• Jake’s Suggestion (11:37):
  "Why have her talk at all? ... Tell everybody she can't speak a word of English and that no one here can understand a native tongue."
  — A meta-gag about Hollywood’s tendency to favor appearance over substance.
• Leo, on Hester’s Smiles (12:32):
  “You will just smile and look very pretty, and that will be enough.”
  — Summing up the episode's comic critique of image-driven stardom.
• Panic Climax (13:30):
  “No, no, no. Tragedy is stalking our footprint. Hester, what do we do? Say something.”
  — A perfect cliffhanger as all their plotting goes awry.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:40 — Leo outlines the stakes and setting for the coming out party
• 03:09–03:51 — Timothy puts the party venue in jeopardy
• 04:39–05:46 — Negotiation: Timothy extorts a percentage of Hester’s future
• 07:14–08:46 — Hester’s French lessons and comic rehearsal errors
• 11:30–11:57 — Jake proposes the “just don’t let her talk” plan
• 13:12–13:39 — Crisis: The real owner is returning, plans collapse

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Final Thoughts

This brisk, witty episode delivers a classic slice of Golden Age radio comedy—full of fast-talking agents, naïve starlets, and misfiring schemes. Both an affectionate roast and a time capsule of old Hollywood, it’s a tale of high hopes and higher mishaps, with banter and character antics that keep things lively to the cliffhanger close.

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Perfect for fans of sharp dialogue, behind-the-scenes showbiz farce, and a nostalgic trip back to a time when dreams of stardom could hinge on a party, a smile, and a little bit of luck.

Transcript

[A]

Unless I am sadly mistaken, it is.

[B]

Time for Lionel Stadter as Leo and Florence Lake as the blonde in.

[A]

Leo and the Blonde.

[B]

Story of a flag and a doll. Or, in other words, the adventures of a PA and his client. Or, if you prefer, the informal autobiography of a press agent who would like the world to believe he knows all about Hollyw, and of a girl who would like to know more. And now for another page from Leo's.

[A]

Notebook, dated Tuesday 12 August 1947. Continued liabilities immeasurably increased by Peyton Caterer and purchase of portables for the body to launch Hester in Hollywood. And by paying for French lessons so Hester can live up to a billing as Hester Lester, the lovely from Luxembourg. Assets unchanged but highly doubtful occurrences. Well, this is the day of Hester's coming out party. We are driving the court to the residence of Mr. J.J. stoddard in Bel Air. That is where the soiree is to be held, providing that Timothy, Mr. Stoddard Chopra will still allow us the use of the mansion. This seemed doubtful yesterday evening, and it's extremely perplexing to us since the invitations are already sent out, the food ordered and the hour for the gala affair fast approaching.

[C]

Leo, what are we gonna do?

[A]

Ah, don't worry your pilly little head, Hester.

[C]

But I am worried, Leo. I can't help it.

[A]

You will oblige me by not crossing your viaducts until you come to them. Leave the worries to me.

[C]

All right, Leo, you know best.

[A]

But frankly, Hester, I do not know what will happen if Timothy refuses us the loan of the house.

[C]

I'm not worried.

[A]

Well, you need not be quite so cheerful.

[C]

All right, Leo. Oh, what are we going to do? I'm worried.

[A]

Never mind, Hester. Concentrate on your performance this evening.

[C]

My performance?

[A]

You are making your first appearance. My. Our whole future depends on it. Do you understand, Hester?

[C]

Oh, yes, Leo. I understand everything.

[A]

This is a slight exaggeration, but I will not press the point.

[C]

Thank you, Leo.

[A]

Well, here we are. Shall we? All right.

[C]

Thanks, Timothy.

[A]

Inside, I should imagine. Now, try to give the appearance that this adventure is fraught with success.

[C]

Yes, Leo. What if Timothy isn't here?

[A]

He said he'd be here to give me a final answer. Greetings, Timothy. Hiya, Junior. Timothy, this is Hester Lester. My newest gift to the silver screen. A creature of rare and disturbing loveliness, as you can see to yourself.

[C]

Bonjour, monsieur.

[A]

Esther, it is not necessary for you to converse in Frances avec Timothy. He's in on the gag.

[C]

Oh, hello, Timothy.

[A]

She sure is a look at you. Thank you, Timothy. It is good to see my judgment confined. May we come inside? Sure. Right this way. Now, about the evening's little entertainment. Well, as I told you yesterday, chum, I'm kind of cool at a setup, but Timothy has to ascertain to go over big. Yeah, I guess so. Then what are you worried about? I don't like the idea using a boss's house for a routine like this. He might stir up a fuss. Does he need to know? Well, things like this always leak out in Hollywood, and Mr. Stoddard's pretty well known. I'm sure he would approve of our venture. He is famous for his selections of new talent. Yeah, but he likes to pick them himself. No, Leo. I say the deal is off.

[C]

Oh, Timothy, we work so hard.

[A]

It's tough, kid. I know. And the invitations are already in the US Mail, and the food is ordered and the guests will be arriving any minute. What can we do now? It is too late to stop them. My name will be an Asthma in Hollywood.

[C]

It's all my fault, Leo. I feel awful, just awful.

[A]

It isn't your fault, kid. I told you, chum, the deal looks shaky.

[C]

It is all my fault. Everything I touch turns to ashes. Birthday.

[A]

Look, don't cry, Hester. Maybe Leo and I can work out some. Of course we can, Timothy. Of course we can. Let us repair to the kitchen. Now, you stay here, Hester. I can't stand to hear a dame crying. And stop crying.

[C]

All right, Leo, if you say so.

[A]

Now, Leo, maybe if I stood again from this little arrangement, my conscience would feel better. But, Timothy, I've already promised to pay you and Mr. Stoddard, Butler, Cook and two maids, liberally conservative wages for the evening's work. Well, that don't ease my content. We're risking our jobs, you know. What if the boy should come back from Florida? That is most unlikely, or you would have been warned. Hey, you can never tell, you know. Now, if we was to have a real interest in Hester. You mean a percentage?

[C]

Yes, Leo.

[A]

Well, I suppose I could sell part of Hester, but I'm not too anxious to split her up.

[C]

Leo.

[A]

Not now. Hester.

[C]

Are you selling part of me?

[A]

It is nothing novel, Hester. You will become accustomed to it. We often make such arrangements in Hollywood.

[C]

Leo. Which part of me are you selling?

[A]

A very infinitesimal part. You will not even miss it.

[C]

How do you know?

[A]

Please, Hester, leave the business details to me. Now, Leo, say 5% for me and 5% for the others. They can split it up. That seems exorbitant and too much. Okay, then, no party. You are driving the horse to water, Timothy. Well, make up your mind. Very well, then. I reluctantly give you 10% of Hester for yourself in the Standard Men, I. Leo. Be quiet, Hester. I will explain everything later. Here are the contracts, Leo. The butler drew him up this morning. He used to play lawyers in silent pictures. I have a feeling that this is highway blackmail. Just sign on a dotted line, chum. Having no alternative, I acquiesce. There is my James Hancock. Now, will you please inform the others that they will be needed for the evening? They're all set, chum. I figured you'd come across. We thank you. Yes, Timothy, I learn something about human nature every day. Usually what I learn is not encouraging. Now, Hester, as I told you, every thoroughfare has its training. Things are not nearly as bad as I anticipated.

[C]

But you saw me, Leo.

[A]

Only part of you, Hester.

[C]

I don't care. It isn't right.

[A]

Now, do not worry your pretty little head about such trivials. I will, of course, buy you back as soon as I have accumulated a sum of money sufficient for the day.

[C]

You will, Leo, of course. Oh, thank you. Thank you, Leo.

[A]

Do not mention it.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Now, Esther, let us once again rehearse for tonight's launch. Who are you?

[C]

Esther McNamara.

[A]

No, you are Hester Lester from Luxembourg. And you only speak French. Please recollect that moments of crisis.

[C]

Yes, Leo, we are at the party.

[A]

And I'm introducing you. Mr. Bannock, may I present Mademoiselle Hester Lester.

[C]

Will he be there?

[A]

I believe, Matt, due to a previous engagement, production makes no difference. We're only pretending.

[C]

It would be easier if we pretended with people who will be here, Hester.

[A]

And Hollywood. One is never sure who will be where when. Oh, now, let's get back to rehearsing. Now, Ms. Hepburn, this is Mademoiselle Hester Lester. Well, say something in Frances.

[C]

What did she say?

[A]

All right, Hester. I will be her friend. Riley Riley.

[C]

I'm Raleigh.

[A]

Delighted to know you, Mademoiselle Leo. What is it, Hester?

[C]

I've seen Katherine Hepburn in the movie. She didn't sound like that to me.

[A]

She did. It doesn't make any difference, Hester. You are supposed to sound like Hester Lester. That is all that matters. Do you understand?

[C]

Of course, Leo. I always understand you.

[A]

Now, once again, I am delighted to make your acquaintance, Miss Lester.

[C]

Enchante, monsieur.

[A]

That's when you do that before well.

[C]

You didn't say the right thing before.

[A]

What do you mean?

[C]

They told me at the school when someone says, I'm delighted to make your acquaintance, I should say, aunt Chante is yours.

[A]

That is correct.

[C]

So I did. But when you say, I'm glad to meet you, I don't know what to do. I've only had 12 lessons, Leo.

[A]

Hester, you are going to make me very unhappy.

[C]

I'm sorry, Leo. I'm doing my best.

[A]

Very well. Now, no matter what someone says for you say, enchante, monsieur. Do you understand?

[C]

Of course, Leo.

[A]

All right. I am Mr. May, and I've just been introduced to you. What do you say?

[C]

Enchante, monsieur.

[A]

Good. Now, I say, how do you like America?

[C]

Enchantay, monsieur.

[A]

Well, that makes sense. I think this will work. Never mind. Has to. Save it for Mr. Mayor.

[C]

Will he be here?

[A]

His office is in receipt of an invitation.

[C]

Golly, Mr. Mayor.

[A]

Now, I think we shall test your abilities on an unbiased character, namely the butler, Mr. Hawkins. Jake. Oh, Jake.

[B]

Very good, sir. At your service.

[A]

Jake, come here. Will you do me the kindness of pretending to be one of our distinguished guests who is being introduced by Hester? Yes, all right. Hester, you will oblige me by pretending that Jake is not Jake, but a very important personage who has influence to some extent. You understand?

[C]

Yes, Leo.

[A]

Very good. Mademoiselle Lustin, may I present Mr. Hawkins, the President of Amalgamate Pictures.

[C]

Which studio, Leo?

[A]

It is fictional, Hester.

[C]

But I thought you said that.

[A]

This is Mr. Hawking. Oh, I am glad to know you, Ms. Lester.

[B]

You are a charming addition to our little colony.

[A]

And I hope that we will become friends. Good friends. Very convincing, Jack. Now, what do you say, Hester?

[C]

Enchantez, monsieur.

[A]

Go on, Drake. This is really a lovely party.

[B]

Don't you think so, ma'?

[A]

Am? And how do you like Hollywood? Ah, but you can't have seen the most interesting parts yet. Wouldn't you like to discover its hidden beauties, monsieur? Wonderful. Then let us fly away together. Let us leave these peasants and journey far into the night. My car is outside. We shall drive into the hills above the twinkling lights and see the real, the true Hollywood together. Come, Hester. Fly away with me. Gosh, I'm sorry, Leo.

[B]

I got carried away for the moment.

[A]

This will never work. It is just possible that tonight some similar situation could arise, over which I have no control. Hector, you will definitely not say, enchante, monsieur.

[C]

All right, Leo, what should I say?

[A]

This is a problem.

[C]

I have an Idea, Leo.

[A]

What's that?

[C]

Why don't I talk American?

[A]

Hastert, for three weeks I've been paying for these French lessons. Why? Because after considerable research, we have discovered that French is spoken by most Luxembourgies.

[C]

Yes, Leo, but other foreigners speak America.

[A]

Not the way you do, Hester. They have what is called the charming accent, which you have not.

[C]

I'm sorry, Leo.

[A]

It's not your fault entirely, but that does not solve the problem.

[B]

I got a suggestion.

[A]

Yes, Jake?

[B]

Why have her talk at all?

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

It's very simple.

[A]

Tell everybody she can't speak a word.

[B]

Of English and that no one here can understand a native tongue.

[A]

I think you have something, Jake. At any rate, we will try it. There is no time to do anything else. It'll work.

[B]

Nobody will care whether she talks or not. They won't be listening after they see her.

[A]

Perhaps you are right. We will risk it.

[B]

Well, I gotta get back to the kitchen. The people will be here soon.

[A]

All right, Jake. Thank you for the assistance. Don't mention it.

[B]

Oh, say, Hester, if you should be interested later in the evening, I. I really do have a car.

[A]

Remember? Hester, I. You are not to say anything when the party begins. Not a word. Number three.

[C]

But, Leo, what if I want something?

[A]

You will not want anything.

[C]

All right, Leo.

[A]

You will just smile and look very pretty, and that will be enough. You understand?

[C]

I understand everything, Leo.

[A]

Well, we will try it for a moment. I say, how do you do? What do you do?

[C]

I smile.

[A]

Good. I will continue to do that throughout the remainder of the evening.

[C]

Yes, Leo.

[A]

Under no circumstances are you to talk. Please try to remember.

[C]

Yes, Leo.

[A]

Now, for the last time, I say I am pleased to make your urgent, quaint.

[C]

Enchante, monsieur.

[A]

No, Hester, no.

[C]

But that's what they told me at school. Don't you want me to apply what I've learned?

[A]

Hester. Hester, you are exasperating and not entirely dependable.

[C]

Oh, I am?

[A]

Yeah. What'll we do? What will we do?

[C]

I'll keep quiet, Leo. Really, I will. Honor.

[A]

It is vital that you should, Hester. Everything will hinge on this daughter's success, including money for food and rent.

[C]

I'll do what you want, Leo, whatever that is.

[A]

I want you to keep quiet and smile and look pretty. That is why. Angry. What? Leo, the fat's in the fire. What has occurred? Timothy, the boss, Mr. Stoddard, is on his way home. I just got a telegram. He's arriving tonight.

[C]

What?

[A]

You gotta get out of here fast. No, no, no. Tragedy is stalking our footprint. Hester, what do we do? Say something.

[C]

Oh, sure. Day, monsieur.

[A]

Mr. Arnold. Mr. Arnold. Begging your pardon, sir. The guests are.

[B]

Oh, now there's a situation. Can Leo talk his way out of this one? Even if Hester should keep quiet, which is doubtful, the best. You'd better tune in tomorrow. Some funny things are bound to happen. Leo and the Blonde will be back then. Same time, same station. Leo and the Blonde, starring Lionel Sander with Florence Lake, is written by Robert Libet and Frank Burst. And for Gilson, directed by Frank K. Dancing in your cast were Jack Crucian and Tom McKee. Their organist was Irwin Young. Hi, Aberback speaking. This program came to you from Hollywood.