Life of Riley 44-02-06 (004)Riley Rents a House and Moves from the Hotel

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Life of Riley 44-02-06 (004) Riley Rents a House and Moves from the Hotel
Release Date: February 15, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of Life of Riley, the beloved Riley family faces the typical chaos and humor that comes with moving from a hotel to their own home. Hosted by Uncle Baxter, voiced by William Bendix, listeners are taken through a series of comedic misadventures that highlight the family's dynamic and Uncle Baxter's well-meaning but often problematic interventions.

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Packing Up and Excitement About Moving

The episode begins with the Riley family currently residing in the bridal suite of a luxurious Los Angeles hotel due to housing issues. Riley expresses his excitement about finally moving into their new home:

Riley (00:38): "Well, who wouldn't be excited? When I think that we're really moving into a house today. A whole house, Six rooms, just for ourselves."

His enthusiasm is palpable as he interacts with his family, especially his children, Junior and Barbara, setting the stage for the family's anticipation of settling into their new abode.

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Hotel Billing Issues and Uncle Baxter's Role

As the family prepares to check out, they encounter an unexpectedly high hotel bill amounting to $165.15 for the week (03:00). Junior humorously examines the charges, highlighting the absurdity of their situation:

Junior (03:06): "There, look at these extras. Room service. Breakfast for Uncle Baxter every morning."

The billing discrepancy leads to frustration, and it's revealed that Uncle Baxter has extended their stay by ordering unnecessary amenities, significantly inflating the costs.

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Moving Day Challenges and Neighborhood Encounters

On moving day, the Rileys arrive at their new home on Stone Terrace, only to find that their neighbors, particularly Mrs. Hill, are not ready to vacate as planned (12:00). This unexpected hurdle complicates their move, leaving the family stranded with their van full of furniture but no place to unload.

Junior (10:54): "See, when I handle the arrangements, everything's okay. We're here, the furniture's here and the house is here."

However, the reality sets in as they discover that logistical issues prevent them from settling in smoothly.

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Confrontation with Neighbors and Rising Tensions

Desperate to resolve their housing predicament, Junior confronts Mr. Humphreys, who is unwilling to cooperate in the moving process (15:10). This confrontation escalates when it appears that Uncle Baxter has orchestrated further complications by involving a gambler named Snake Eyes to take over the bridal suite:

Junior (21:05): "Listen, Sanderson, everybody else in California knows this, so I may as well tell it to you. We can't move into Mrs. Hill's house because she can't move into Humphrey's house. And he can't move because the Nashes can't. And they can't because you didn't. Four families all packed and ready to move, and a big bum like you is holding them up."

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Uncle Baxter's Schemes and Realization

As tensions peak, it's revealed that Uncle Baxter's previous actions—specifically arranging a poker game in their former hotel suite with Snake Eyes—have inadvertently caused a ripple effect, trapping multiple families in a loop of moving woes (22:56). The family realizes that Uncle Baxter's meddling is the root cause of their problems:

Uncle Baxter (24:26): "Why not knock?"

This revelation leads to a humorous yet heartfelt resolution where the Rileys acknowledge the chaos caused by Uncle Baxter but ultimately find solace in finally reaching their new home.

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Resolution and New Beginnings

After overcoming various obstacles and misunderstandings, the Riley family successfully moves into their new house. The episode concludes with a light-hearted moment as the family settles in, reflecting on the day's events and the importance of home.

Junior (25:27): "Oh, boy. That's fine. You know, Dumplin, there's no place like home if you can get in."

Uncle Baxter wraps up the episode with a signature sign-off, tying together the comedic elements of the day with a nod to the show's enduring charm.

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Notable Quotes

• Riley (01:20): "A whole house, Six rooms, just for ourselves."
• Junior (03:06): "There, look at these extras. Room service. Breakfast for Uncle Baxter every morning."
• Junior (10:54): "See, when I handle the arrangements, everything's okay. We're here, the furniture's here and the house is here."
• Junior (21:05): "We can't move into Mrs. Hill's house because she can't move into Humphrey's house. And he can't move because the Nashes can't. And they can't because you didn't."
• Junior (25:27): "Oh, boy. That's fine. You know, Dumplin, there's no place like home if you can get in."

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Conclusion

Life of Riley continues to deliver its signature blend of humor and heart, showcasing the Riley family's resilience and the lovable chaos that Uncle Baxter brings into their lives. This episode emphasizes the challenges of moving and the importance of family unity in overcoming obstacles, all wrapped in the nostalgic charm of the Golden Age of Radio.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Riley]

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[Uncle Baxter]

Starring William Bendix as Riley. Well, if you've never met the Riley family, there are four of them. Like so many of his fellow Americans, Riley works in a war plant. And like so many of their fellow Americans, the Rileys have a housing problem. For the past week, they've been living in the bridal suite of of a swanky Los Angeles hotel. At the moment, Mrs. Riley is in the living room of the bridal suite, busily packing some luggage.

[Riley]

Oh, this suitcase. You never can close it when you want it. Oh, hurt bad, Ma? Oh, no, it's all right. I'll close it. Mom. You're all excited. Well, who wouldn't be excited? When I think that we're really moving into a house today. A whole house, Six rooms, just for ourselves.

[Junior]

Well, there.

[Riley]

Mom, it's closed. Oh, thank you, Junior. Now go wash your hands. Pop's in the bathroom. Tell him to hurry. Hey, Pop, I gotta wash my hands. It's not my idea, it's Mom's.

[Junior]

Go ahead, Junior, wash. We're moving to a new neighborhood and I want you to look reasonably germ free.

[Riley]

Oh, Junior, may I use the bath before you? Anytime, sis. Anytime. And hurry, Barbara. Well, Riley, you look like Don Juan. I'll have to keep my eye on you and the ladies in our new neighborhood.

[Junior]

That's me, Riley, the great lover. A regular Casablanca. Say, what's in that envelope?

[Riley]

The hotel bill. Joey the bellhop brought it up.

[Junior]

Joey the old guy?

[Riley]

Uh huh.

[Junior]

He's no bellhop. He's more of a bell creep. Say, a thought just bit me if an old buzzard like Joey can be a bellhop. How about Uncle Baxter?

[Riley]

My Uncle Baxter? Oh, now, Riley, you know Uncle Baxter's just marking time till the right job comes along.

[Junior]

Marking time, huh? He's the only guy I ever saw who could mark time in bed.

[Riley]

Now don't exaggerate.

[Junior]

Where is his Lordship this morning?

[Riley]

In bed.

[Junior]

That's what I thought. Junior, go wake up Chip Van Winkle.

[Riley]

Okay, Pop.

[Junior]

Nudge him with a hammer. Now let's look at this hotel bill with Holy suffering catfish.

[Riley]

Oh, is the Bill high, dear.

[Junior]

This ain't no bill. It's a ransom note. $165.15.

[Riley]

Well, you would rent the bridal suite at $20 a day.

[Junior]

There, look at these extras. Room service. Breakfast for Uncle Baxter every morning.

[Riley]

Oh, now don't start fussing.

[Junior]

Can that leech eat his tapeworm? Has a tapeworm. Seven days into 165. Well, that's 24 bucks a day, a buck an hour. Almost two cents a minute. Two cents a minute? And your uncle ordered three minute eggs.

[Riley]

Well, I'm Jess. Mother, it's about time.

[Junior]

Two cents a minute.

[Riley]

Oh, Barbara, you go wait down the lobby there. May I buy a copy of Vogue to read?

[Junior]

No. Find a newspaper. Somebody left. Look up the help wanted. See if you can get into the hotel business. 140. 150. 160. 170. And 5. 165 and 15 cents. They could have left me the 15 cents for aspirin. Here, Babs, give this note to the room clerk and get a receipt.

[Riley]

All right, Daddy.

[Junior]

And don't walk down. Use the elevator. Each trip cost the hotel 4 cents worth of currency.

[Riley]

Yes, Daddy. Uncle Baxter's out of bed.

[Junior]

Now, baby, the bed can get some rest. Junior, go wash your hands.

[Riley]

I can't now. Uncle Baxter's at the sink.

[Junior]

Well, go in there with him. At two cents a minute. We gotta double up on everything.

[Riley]

Okay.

[Junior]

Hello. Who? Oh, the manager. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got the bill. You know, we only wanted to live here, not buy into the business.

[Uncle Baxter]

Well, good morning, my dear.

[Junior]

Quiet. Uncle Baxter. Hello? Yeah, Mr. Clip, I'm listening. Sure. We're checking out in 10 minutes.

[Uncle Baxter]

With pleasure, Riley. Haste makes waste. Why surrender the room now?

[Junior]

There's some couple getting married this morning. They're waiting for this bridal suite.

[Uncle Baxter]

But it's only 9:00. And these rooms are ours until 5 tonight. That's checking out time.

[Junior]

We're leaving as soon as I can. Bow tie. It's bow tie.

[Uncle Baxter]

But my impetuous nephew. Even if you don't use the room, it's yours. I know my little law book.

[Junior]

And I know my little pocketbook. My wallet's so thin now, I can use it for dental floss. Come on, we're leaving. That couple that's getting married want this bridal suite right away.

[Riley]

Well, thank goodness we've got a house.

[Junior]

Yeah, from today on we're living like kinks. Junior, what's that you're hiding in your pocket?

[Riley]

Just a cake of soap. Hotel soap. Oh, Junior. Oh, gee, Mom, I won't Miss. One tiny cake of soap.

[Uncle Baxter]

Junior. My boy, it matters not what value the article. If it isn't yours to take, it is to steal.

[Junior]

Now, just a minute, Baxter. If anybody's going to ball my boy out, I'll do it. Junior, into the bedroom.

[Riley]

Oh, Pa, that'll do.

[Junior]

Into the boudoir.

[Riley]

Taking soap. I don't know where he gets ideas like that.

[Junior]

I know. I resent that insinuation, Riley. Now then, Junior, I know you think a cake of soap ain't much, but. But it's the principle of the thing, see? Taking soap, well, that ain't ethical. But neither was that hotel bill. How much soap you got there, Junior?

[Riley]

One cake, and we didn't even use a new one every day.

[Junior]

We didn't use a clean towel every time they put one out either. We tried to give them a break, and look how they bill us. Junior, you keep that soap just for a souvenir. Here. Wrap it up in this towel.

[Riley]

Okay, Pop.

[Junior]

Put the soap and towel in Baxter's suitcase.

[Riley]

I hope he don't catch us. Hey, Pop, I can't get this and Uncle Baxter's suitcase. It's too full.

[Junior]

Full of what? Four sheets, three towels, a pillow case and a bath mat. All with Hotel Bleecker on it.

[Riley]

Pop, maybe we should call our new house Hotel Bleecker.

[Junior]

Wait a minute. Look at this. A towel rack off the bathroom wall. Oh, this is more than too much. Hey, Uncle Baxter, come in here.

[Riley]

Gosh, Pop.

[Uncle Baxter]

And he was mad.

[Riley]

Me?

[Uncle Baxter]

Now, I hope you weren't too harsh with Junior. Who put all that stuff in my suitcase?

[Junior]

It wasn't the manager.

[Uncle Baxter]

Righty, Arthur. Order cute souvenirs.

[Junior]

A towel rack right off the wall. I guess if they wasn't watching, you'd start unscrewing the lobby.

[Riley]

I'm waiting, Uncle Baxter. Have you got everything packed?

[Junior]

He's doing all right.

[Uncle Baxter]

Well, perhaps I do have too much there for my small suitcase.

[Junior]

Listen, Fagan, we're leaving this stuff here, all of it.

[Uncle Baxter]

Riley, your wish is my command. Are we really checking out? Too sweet.

[Junior]

Not only that, but right away. Come on, Junior.

[Uncle Baxter]

Hello, room clerk? I am speaking for Mr. Riley. We are holding the suite until five. I'm sorry, my dear sir, but Mr. Riley has changed his mind.

[Junior]

Yes.

[Riley]

We're missing the elevator.

[Uncle Baxter]

I didn't take any elevator.

[Junior]

Oh.

[Uncle Baxter]

Oh, I. I mean. Run along, Junior.

[Junior]

Out.

[Uncle Baxter]

Right there.

[Riley]

Not enough to hurry.

[Uncle Baxter]

Hello, operator? Crescent 7652A.

[Junior]

Oh. Hello? Hello.

[Uncle Baxter]

Snake Eyes.

[Junior]

Straight.

[Uncle Baxter]

Plush.

[Junior]

Turnbull.

[Uncle Baxter]

Oh, Snake Eyes. I located a safe place for you to run your Poker game today. The bridal suite of the Hotel Brica. Yes, I fixed it for you until 5:00. Well, glad to do it. Snake Eyes Trust you'll be lucky. Oh, your card there. You'll be lucky. And that little item that I owe you cancelled. Thank you. Snakey Maxton.

[Junior]

Will you hurry up? Somebody's waiting to move in here, you know.

[Uncle Baxter]

I know, Riley. I know how well I know. But you see, I too was being thoughtful of others. Before anybody moves in here to live, I thought I'd arrange for someone to come in and clean up. Well, Uncle Baxter has arranged for his friend Snake Eyes to run a poker game in the Riley Hotel suite, which the Rileys have just left. But of course, the Rileys know nothing of this. For them, the Hotel Bleecker is far behind and all they're thinking of is their new house.

[Riley]

Riding in this taxi for hours. Won't we ever get there?

[Junior]

Relax, Barbara. We only left the outskirts of Los Angeles 10 minutes ago and we're getting to the in skirts of Inglewood. Now.

[Riley]

Riley, I've counted all the money I have with me now. We have this taxi to pay. And then we have to live the rest of the week till you get paid at the plant. You think we can charge the cost of the moving van?

[Junior]

Well, they don't know us.

[Uncle Baxter]

Well, nothing simpler. Your new address gives you credit as a householder. They won't expect you to pay cash.

[Junior]

I like to pay cash. But in this case, I'd rather not mix up the moving company by forcing them to take cash.

[Riley]

So?

[Junior]

So I'll pay him in six or eight months.

[Riley]

Oh, look, look. That sign said Stone Terrace. This is our street. Oh, yes. And there's the moving van in front of our house.

[Junior]

See, when I handle the arrangements, everything's okay. We're here, the furniture's here and the house is here. Oh, this is it, driver. Okay, everybody out. Ain't she a lulu of a house? Oh, shoot.

[Riley]

Finally the neighbors will hear you.

[Junior]

Ain't she a lulu?

[Riley]

Oh, it's such a nice neighborhood.

[Junior]

Yes, sir, she sure is a lulu.

[Uncle Baxter]

Riley, would you leave Lulu for a moment and pay off the cab?

[Junior]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Uncle Baxter]

The meter says 190.

[Junior]

You would slam the door back there. Now it's $. Here, driver. And this nickel is for you.

[Uncle Baxter]

Oh, no, thank you. I couldn't take it. It would put me in a higher income tax bracket.

[Riley]

I'll ring the doorbell. Why, Riley, Mrs. Hill still has curtains in her front window. Oh, there's no mistake about her moving, is there? We must get in today.

[Junior]

Now, dumplin, don't cross our bridges till after we burn them. Wait a minute. Someone's coming.

[Riley]

Well, mercy me. The Rileys. I've been expecting you. It's a nice day, isn't it?

[Junior]

Yeah, we.

[Riley]

Yes, indeed. A lovely day for moving. For them that are moving, yes, but we only. I was saying to Mr. Hale, the Rileys will be here. I'm anxious to get settled. Such a bother, moving in. But you love this house. Warm in winter, cool in summer. And our back porch. Well, I always say if there's a breeze, we get it.

[Junior]

I can feel it now.

[Riley]

Oh, you'll be very happy here when you get in. Too bad you can't move in today.

[Junior]

Oh, well, that's all right. What?

[Riley]

Can't move in today.

[Junior]

Can't move in. My dear lady, we must.

[Riley]

We haven't anywhere else to go. Neither have I. You see, today I was supposed to move into 18 Blueview Boulevard, Glendale. But Mr. Humphreys, who lives there, can't move out today. So if he can't move out, I can't move out. And if I can't move out, you can't move in. So. It's such a bother. Well, I have the cake in the oven, so come back in a day or two. Bye. Bye.

[Junior]

Hey, wait. Fine thing. We're dispossessed before we're even possessed.

[Riley]

Gosh, mom, what are we gonna do? I don't know. A van full of furniture and nowhere to go.

[Uncle Baxter]

Mrs. Hill could be forced to move. She's a squatter.

[Junior]

Is she? I couldn't see her figure. I guess we could go back to the hotel. We could.

[Uncle Baxter]

Oh, no.

[Junior]

No.

[Uncle Baxter]

You can't go back to the hotel. I gave the rooms. I mean. You gave up the rooms? I.

[Junior]

Well, you said it was ours till five. It's the law, you said. Oh, yes, yes.

[Uncle Baxter]

But the law also says that when an ipso facto is waived by the party of the second part that all prior, prima facie, is null and void.

[Junior]

Yeah. And the facto of the ipso is? We can't go back. We're broco.

[Riley]

Oh, dear, this is awful. Uncle Baxter, have you any ideas?

[Uncle Baxter]

Yes. Your uncle, my dear, has diagnosed the ailment and is prepared to affect a cure.

[Junior]

Dr. Baxter, why don't you give yourself some ether?

[Uncle Baxter]

Sarcasm, my dear nephew, is a bitter tea. He who pours it suffers more than he who sips it.

[Junior]

We're stranded and he's throwing a tea party.

[Uncle Baxter]

Now, the bottleneck is obviously Humphreys. Now, if he would move Mrs. Hill.

[Junior]

Could move, and then we could move in.

[Uncle Baxter]

So we shall telephone Humphrey.

[Riley]

And by the way, Humphreys haven't got a phone.

[Junior]

Let's get away from here. That Mrs. Hill's got her rear pasted to the door.

[Uncle Baxter]

Now, here is my plan, children. We'll hop over to Glendale, force Humphreys to move, hop back here, tell Mrs. Hill she can move, and then just.

[Junior]

Because it's leap year, that don't mean we're gonna hop all over the station.

[Riley]

And we have no car.

[Junior]

And the sound of a taxi meter depresses me.

[Uncle Baxter]

Eureka. Why not go in the moving van?

[Junior]

We ain't furniture, and the van is $8 an hour.

[Uncle Baxter]

Oh, it won't take an hour.

[Riley]

Righty. It. It's a chance.

[Junior]

Oh, yeah. I guess it's our only chance. Come on.

[Riley]

Well, this is it, Riley. Oh, that must be Mr. Humphreys on the porch.

[Junior]

Yeah, I guess he thinks we're crazy. A whole family driving up in a moving van at eight bucks an hour. Though I guess he's right. Excuse me, Mr. Humphries. I ain't saying I am. I ain't saying I ain't.

[Uncle Baxter]

What can I do for you? Not that I'll do it if you're gypsies. I don't believe in fortunes. If you're selling something, I don't want any. And if you think you can rent.

[Junior]

Me that van, I ain't proving. Well, neither are we. That's the trouble. You see, we just came from Mrs. Hill out in Englewood. And she can't move because you won't.

[Uncle Baxter]

Well, how can I move out of here? I can't get into Nash's house out in Van Nuys. If Nash should move out, I'd move in. Then when I moved out, Mrs. Hill could move in.

[Junior]

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Humphries. I had you figured wrong. I thought you was the cause of four human beings and my uncle being homeless. Well, my head's made up. We're going back to the hotel, Bleeker.

[Uncle Baxter]

No, we can't, Riley. That would be dangerous. Forget about that shabby hotel. Think of your new house, your home. We're going to see this Nash and Van Nuys and insist that he move. Get back in that van.

[Riley]

But it's $8 a night.

[Uncle Baxter]

I don't care when Baxter Turnbull is within his rights. Nor can him dismay on the Nash's house.

[Junior]

On to Van Nyes, onto Victor.

[Riley]

From LA to Inglewood. From Inglewood to Glendale. From Glendale to Van Nuys.

[Junior]

Cow.

[Riley]

Mother, my skirt's like a Waffle from sitting on that washboard.

[Uncle Baxter]

Shh.

[Riley]

I'm watching your father and Uncle Baxter. Well, look. Now they're going around to the back of the house.

[Uncle Baxter]

Riley. It's strange no one answered. I'm sure I heard voices in there.

[Junior]

Well, maybe they'll come to the back door. I gotta get Nash outta here. We can't spend our lives in that truck. My family's no dog and pony show. Gosh. Did you hear that? Somebody threw something through the window.

[Uncle Baxter]

Excellent. Now we can hear that. Alan.

[Riley]

You crawling? Crap. You spot wineless jellyfish.

[Junior]

They're disgusting seafood.

[Riley]

Now, Olivia, darling, listen. My mother was right. I should never have married a word like you.

[Uncle Baxter]

They've had a falling out.

[Junior]

Peter's had a falling down. Look. I can see him now. She's got him cornered. You. Groot.

[Riley]

Why don't you strike me? I dare you to hit a defenseless woman.

[Junior]

How can he hear her when she's standing on him?

[Riley]

Come back here.

[Junior]

Oh, he's making for the door. He made it. Oh.

[Riley]

Deserve it.

[Uncle Baxter]

She's alone. Now's your chance, Riley.

[Junior]

Yep. My chance for what?

[Uncle Baxter]

Go in there and ask her why.

[Junior]

They aren't moving me. Talk to that woman. Go commit suicide yourself.

[Uncle Baxter]

You owe it to your family to provide them with shelter tonight. Just use charm. Flatter her. Speak of her beauty, her eyes, her hair. And then work into the sanctity of the home. Tell her how the birds nest in spring. A mother bird and a father bird Paint a picture of nightfall in the nest. And then tell her of your own homeless brood dependent on her kindness for shelter. You understand?

[Junior]

Nests, birds. But what happens if I lay an egg?

[Uncle Baxter]

Now, if you forget what to say, I'll whisper it through that broken window.

[Junior]

Well, okay.

[Riley]

Is that you, Harvey?

[Junior]

You sneak. No, it's Riley. Another sneak. I mean it. It's me, Riley. Might. Might I come in, ma'am?

[Riley]

You are in. What do you want?

[Junior]

Well, lady, what I got to say, I got to say. Near this window.

[Riley]

Well, hurry up or I'll call the police.

[Junior]

Lady, when a lady looks like you. Look. She don't need no police.

[Uncle Baxter]

What?

[Junior]

What I mean is, lady, you got a face and a figure, you know, eyes and hair. Some of each. How dare you, Mrs. Nash. Now, about the stankity of the home.

[Riley]

The what?

[Junior]

I mean, I forget what I was about to say. If my uncle was here, he'd remember.

[Uncle Baxter]

Riley.

[Junior]

Birds.

[Riley]

Who's making that?

[Junior]

Oh, that's me. See? Baxter. Birds. Lady, it's nightfall in the nest and I need shelter.

[Riley]

Nest shut Harvey Hare.

[Junior]

But you see, unless you'll be a nice mama bird, we got nowhere to sleep tonight.

[Riley]

Harvey.

[Junior]

I mean, me and my breed. Olivia, dear, did you call me?

[Riley]

Yes, Harvey. This man insulted me.

[Junior]

Really? What a man.

[Riley]

Harvey, he's dangerous.

[Junior]

No, no, just homeless. My poor wife and kids. If you'd have moved out, Humphreys Humphreys could have moved in. And if Humphreys had moved out, Mrs. Hill would have moved in and she would have moved out. We would have moved.

[Riley]

He's crazy, too. And he keeps throwing his voice out of the window. Harvey, throw him out of the window.

[Junior]

What do you mean, throw me out? I'm here to throw you out. You were supposed to move today.

[Uncle Baxter]

I know.

[Junior]

We rented Sanderson's house. But he won't move out. That's why we can't. How revoltingly reminiscent this is. Listen, if I throw Sanderson out, will you move out of here instantly. Well, then, here's where I unbuttoned the bottleneck. Here's where I throw Sanderson out. Thank you. I hope he doesn't hurt you badly. Oh, me? I can take care of myself.

[Riley]

You see, Harvey, this dope isn't afraid. Even if Sanderson is the heavyweight wrestler.

[Junior]

Who's a dope and who's a wrestler? You mean Grizzly Sanderson, the Santa Monica Murderer?

[Uncle Baxter]

Yes.

[Junior]

You see, honey bunch?

[Uncle Baxter]

Now this man is afraid.

[Junior]

Who's afraid? My mama bird and her brood are going to have a nest by nightfall or I'll be too unconscious to know the reason why.

[Riley]

So this is Pomona.

[Junior]

Yeah, and that's Anderson's house. I'll fix that bump.

[Riley]

Now, Riley, be careful.

[Junior]

Stay here, everybody. Uncle Baxter, I said stay in the van.

[Uncle Baxter]

Riley, please reconsider this wrestler. He'll annihilate you.

[Junior]

Six hours in a moving pan, 48 bucks, a whole family, homeless. All because this wise guy refuses to move out. I'll mobilize him.

[Uncle Baxter]

Riley, this is suicide.

[Junior]

Think of your wife.

[Uncle Baxter]

A widow.

[Junior]

Well, my widow's gotta have a place to sleep. And so do I.

[Uncle Baxter]

Then let's go back to the hotel.

[Junior]

Bleeca, we can't do that. You said so yourself. That couple that was waiting got our suite the minute we checked out.

[Uncle Baxter]

To save you from this impending disaster, I will confess. I told the clerk you weren't checking out so that Snake Eyes could use the suite.

[Junior]

That gambler. You let him use my bridal suite for that crooked poker game he runs? Of all the double dealing low down. I'll fix you later. Right now, I'm going to take Sanderson apart. Knock on that door.

[Uncle Baxter]

Why don't you knock?

[Junior]

I gotta save my knuckles.

[Uncle Baxter]

Riley, if we run, we can still escape. To stay means a hospital.

[Junior]

Well, then at least I'll have a room. Sanderson. Yeah, shrimp?

[Uncle Baxter]

What do you want?

[Junior]

Get out of this house before you break every bone in my pocket.

[Uncle Baxter]

What do you mean, get out of this house?

[Junior]

Listen, Sanderson, everybody else in California knows this, so I may as well tell it to you. We can't move into Mrs. Hill's house because she can't move into Humphrey's house. And he can't move because the Nashes can't. And they can't because you didn't. Four families all packed and ready to move, and a big bum like you is holding them up.

[Uncle Baxter]

Yeah, well, there's five families now. Take a look in there.

[Junior]

See?

[Uncle Baxter]

I'm all packed and ready to go.

[Junior]

And what's stopping you, you big lug?

[Uncle Baxter]

I'll tell you what's stopping me. I got married this morning, see? And all day long, I've been waiting for a jerk by the name of.

[Junior]

Riley to check out of the bridal suite of the Hotel Bleeper. Holy cat. You. You mean we been doing it to ourselves?

[Uncle Baxter]

Isn't this ironic, Riley? Certainly a small world.

[Junior]

Yes, it is a small world, Uncle Baxter. And you are about to leave it.

[Riley]

Wake up, Pop.

[Junior]

Oh, gee, is it morning already? Pull up the shades, Junior.

[Riley]

I can't, Pop. We're still in the moving van. Oh, come on, Riley. You're parked out in front of our new house.

[Junior]

Oh, boy. That's fine. You know, Dumplin, there's no place like home if you can get in.

[Uncle Baxter]

William Bendigs appears on this program by arrangement with Hal Roach, and can be seen currently in the motion picture Lifeboat. The Life of Riley was directed by Don Bernard with music by Lou Kosloff, and came to you from Hollywood. This is Ken Nile saying. See you next week.