Life of Riley 44-02-13 (005)Telephone Story

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Life of Riley 44-02-13 (005) Telephone Story
Release Date: August 16, 2025
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio

---

Episode Overview

This episode presents a classic broadcast of The Life of Riley, a beloved radio sitcom from the Golden Age of Radio. Set during WWII, this installment ("Telephone Story") captures the day-to-day comic struggles of the Riley family, focusing on their mishaps around not having a home telephone. Amid rationing, wartime shortages, and a meddlesome uncle, Riley tries to balance family life, work, and the perils of a well-intentioned but catastrophic shortcut in acquiring a phone.

The episode delivers both period humor and a warm family dynamic, illustrating the challenges of mid-century American life.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Rileys’ Everyday Struggles

• Setting: The family has recently moved to a small house outside Los Angeles. Riley (the father) is getting ready for work at a local war plant, while the family juggles various issues, including lack of hot water and, crucially, not having a phone at home.
• Phone Dilemma: The family, especially daughter Babs, desperately wants a home phone, but wartime shortages make this near-impossible. The Rileys are reliant on the local drugstore phone, leading to comical consequences.

2. Uncle Baxter’s Antics

• Uncle Baxter: On the hunt for employment, Baxter occupies the family home, consuming resources and concocting grand tales of near-misses at high-paying jobs—all, he claims, lost due to not having a phone.
• Deceptive Scheme: Baxter eventually secures a telephone for the household by falsely claiming to the phone company that Riley is a doctor, putting the family at legal risk and leading to wild confusion.

3. Comedic Consequences

• Case of Mistaken Identity: The arrival of a phone brings an onslaught of neighborhood medical requests, all directed at Riley under the mistaken belief he is a real doctor. Riley’s attempts to “treat” a patient are farcical and frantic, culminating in a chaotic household packed with would-be patients.
• Resolution: The family evades legal trouble when Baxter orchestrates a fake emergency call, clearing the house. Riley, exasperated, resolves to remove the phone and blames his uncle for the mess.

4. Period Flavor

• Wartime Shortages: The episode is rich with references to rationing, adhesive tape shortages, and the scarcity of home phones—painting a vivid picture of daily life in the 1940s.
• Advertising Framework: Intermittent sponsor messages from the American Meat Institute champion the nutritional value of meat and offer cost-saving kitchen tips, reflecting the era’s marketing style.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

The Riley Family vs. the Telephone

• On not having a phone:
  • “You can't get a phone nowadays. There's a war. So for the duration of the duration, we use that drugstore phone.”
    – Riley ([06:42])
  • After being reminded of the chaos, Mr. Witherspoon (the druggist) snaps:
    "Tell me, are you starting a black market in adhesive tape?" – Mr. Witherspoon ([07:58])

Uncle Baxter’s Schemes

• On missed opportunities:
  • “The position pays 10,000 a year… but when I phoned them just now, it was too late. The job had been filled.”
    – Uncle Baxter ([05:45])
• On getting a phone by posing as a doctor:
  • Baxter (handing over the signed contract) – "Dr. Chester J. Riley, perhaps Baxter Turnbull." ([15:22])

Mistaken Medical Mayhem

• Riley improvising as a doctor:
  • Plumber (mistaken for a patient):
    “But, Doc, why the cellar? The light’s good up here.”
    – Plumber ([16:42])
  • Riley: “You don’t need goggles. This ain’t a welding job… By the time you’re through, you’ll be a mess.” ([16:53])
• Riley, fearing arrest for fraud:
  • “You mean I can go to jail for this?”
    – Riley ([18:49])
  • Uncle Baxter: “You won't be Chester J. Riley anymore. You'll just be number 15328.” ([19:01])

A Flood of “Patients”

• Riley’s reluctant ‘treatment’:
  • Officer: “Start your examination, Doctor.” ([20:28])
  • Riley (flustered): “Stick out your tongue.”
    Officer: “It's his leg.” ([20:33])
  • Riley's ‘prescription’: “What that jawbone needs is rest.” ([22:51])
  • To everyone: “Folks, the flat foot is right. What's an eye or a jaw or a leg compared to a bundle from heaven?... Everybody out.” ([25:34])

End-of-Episode Reflections

• Riley: “Oh, what a night. And all because you had to have a phone. We're taking it out first thing in the morning." ([26:03])
• Peg (returning home): “Oh, it was wonderful, Riley. I saw a Dr. Gillespie picture. Oh, such excitement... You should have been there.”
  Riley (defeated): “I should have been there.” ([28:58])

---

Important Segments & Timestamps

• [01:48-06:41]: Introduction of the Rileys, phone woes, wartime inconveniences
• [06:42-10:12]: Uncle Baxter's failed job, community dependence on Mr. Witherspoon's drugstore phone
• [10:13-11:47]: Family laments the social and romantic costs of not having a phone
• [14:40-15:22]: Uncle Baxter secures phone by pretending Riley is a doctor
• [16:23-18:42]: Plumber mistaken for patient, confusion escalates
• [19:08-22:13]: Riley faces legal risk—visits from a policeman and neighbors seeking medical help
• [22:14-25:34]: Surgical tape becomes the universal 'remedy', house overrun with 'patients'
• [26:03-26:46]: Riley vows to remove the phone after chaos, joke at Uncle Baxter’s expense
• [28:43-29:13]: Peg returns from the movies; punchline about real doctors vs. Riley's experiences

---

Conclusion

This episode stands as an exemplary piece of 1940s American radio comedy—brimming with period details, witty banter, and domestic mishap. At its heart, The Life of Riley finds humor in the struggles of ordinary life, heightened here by a well-meaning but scheming family member and the universal desire for connection (in this case, via a coveted home telephone).

Listeners are left with a satisfying sense of comic resolution, a sentimental glance at wartime America, and a few timeless lessons in the hazards of cutting corners.

---

Transcript

[A]

Meat is the yardstick of protean foods. The American Meat Institute presents the Life of Riley, A half hour with radio's newest and friendliest family and starring William Bendix as Riley. Do you wonder what we mean when we say meat is the yardstick of protean foods? Let's try to explain simply. All protean foods contain substances that the doctor and the chemist call amino acids. Now, these are not acids as commonly known, but a name used by science to define certain chemical substances. 10 different amino acids are essential to enable the human body to build and repair its tissues. All 10 of these are present in meat. That's one of the reasons why meat is such an excellent food and why it is the yardstick of protean foods. Now, the life of Riley. Well, the Rileys are slowly settling down in the small house they've rented just outside Los Angeles. And so far, everything seems to be running smoothly. Mr. Riley is due at his job at the war plant at 8:00am so we find him now in the kitchen.

[B]

O'Reilly, dear, hurry with your breakfast. You'll miss the 7:30 bucks.

[C]

Okay. I'm just buttering my toast with this cream cheese. Gee. Remember, butter.

[B]

Oh, and don't forget, during your lunch hour, call the plumber. We have no hot water.

[C]

Oh, that plumber's a fresh guy. I phoned him up yesterday and he said if we wanted hot water, we should heat a pot of it on the stove. So I said to him we didn't have a pot big enough for a person to bathe in. Don't worry, Peg. I'll get a plumber here by tonight.

[B]

Oh, Barbara, what are you doing in that bathroom? It's all right, Mother. Just some bottles fell down. You know there's no room for anything in that medicine cabinet. Too full of adhesive tape. Yes, Riley, every time you use that phone at the drugstore, you buy another roll of adhesive tape.

[C]

Well, gee, Dumplin, it's nice of Mr. Witherspoon to call us to the phone all the time. The least we can do is to give his cash register a nudge.

[B]

Well, I've got to go down to the drugstore and phone the beauty salon.

[D]

I'll be right back.

[C]

All that kid had for breakfast was a cup of coffee and some fresh lipstick. All she does is phone that beauty saloon.

[B]

Now, dear, a girl her age wants to look her best. That's another reason we need our own phone. She's beginning to go out on dates.

[C]

When the right boy comes along, she won't need no Phone to land him. He'll come in person. Remember that movie we seen with Cleopatra and Casanova?

[B]

Oh, Casanova. You mean Mark Anthony.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. Look at the boyfriend she had and not a phone in the joint.

[B]

Oh, what an exciting love affair that was. Cleopatra and Mark Anthony. Oh, what a romance.

[C]

Well, Peg, we had quite a romance, didn't we? Till we get married.

[B]

Riley. Gosh, I couldn't make my call. Uncle Baxter is using the phone.

[C]

Uncle Baxter? Did you have to mention that leech? My food was going down nicely until his name came up.

[B]

Oh, I'm sorry, Daddy. Now, Riley, stop stewing about Uncle Baxter.

[C]

That grafter the weekend he dropped in for two years ago is beginning to run out.

[B]

Well, I. I didn't want to spoil the surprise, but Uncle Baxter's phoning about.

[C]

A job that I won't believe until I see it with my own ears.

[B]

Well, I. I wasn't supposed to tell you. Just how many years has Uncle Baxter been out of work?

[C]

Well, nobody knows exactly. You'd have to look at his birth certificate.

[B]

Well, I'd better get ready for school.

[C]

Peggy, that kid don't need no beauty. Paula, she looks like you, and that ain't hard to take.

[B]

Oh, you and your compliment.

[E]

Good morning, Riley, my dear nephew.

[C]

Hello.

[B]

Well, Uncle Baxter, will you have a bite of breakfast?

[E]

Oh, no go to no trouble, my dear Neil. Just the usual. Grapefruit, coddled eggs, bacon and coffee.

[A]

Hash brown potatoes.

[E]

Unless French fried are easier.

[C]

Uncle Baxter, maybe you should take a tonic. You should force yourself to eat.

[E]

Riley. When one's mind is buzzing with plans, one is much too busy to feel the pangs of hunger. Food is the last thing I think of.

[C]

Yeah, right before you go to bed. I. I heard you opening a second front in the kitchen last night. I. I presume you landed a beachhead on the ice box.

[B]

Oh, now, Roddy, please, dear children.

[E]

Now I shall let you in on a little secret.

[C]

Did you get the job?

[E]

Now, let's not get ahead of my story. Yesterday, the Flick Smedley Company decided to appoint me director of advertising for the entire West Coast.

[C]

Oh, how wonderful, Uncle Baxter. Have some of my bacon. To cover that much ground, you need plenty of strength.

[E]

Thank you. Thank you. The position pays 10,000 a year.

[C]

Have a cigar, Uncle Baxter, to wash down the bacon.

[E]

Thank you. Naturally, I would have known of this yesterday, but alas, we haven't a phone in the house. All day long, Flick and Smedley tried to reach me.

[C]

Well, the details don't really matter. When do you start work?

[E]

Now, we come to the tragic part of the story. When I phoned them just now, it was too late. The job had been filled.

[C]

Give me back that cigar.

[E]

Here, my boy. It isn't my brand anywhere. Believe me, Riley, I'd have had that job if we had a phone.

[C]

You couldn't get a job if we had a whole switchboard. Besides, you can't get a phone nowadays. There's a war. So for the duration of the duration, we use that drugstore phone. Mr. Witherspoon's always glad to call us. Glad? Well, sure. We take adhesive off him, don't we? Come in.

[B]

Why, hello, Mr. Witherspoon. We were just talking about you.

[C]

Sit down, Mr. Witherspoon. Have a cup of coffee.

[F]

I haven't got time. My store is full of customers waiting for me to give them a cup of coffee.

[B]

Oh, hello, Mr. Witherspoon.

[F]

Ms. Riley, a girl just phoned you.

[B]

Oh, just a girl?

[F]

Miss riley. You had 14 calls from boys yesterday. This just breaks the monotony. Here's her name on this paper.

[B]

Oh, thank you. Tincture of Benzedrine.

[F]

The other side.

[D]

Oh.

[B]

Margie Myers. I better call her.

[C]

Oh, Babs, don't forget to buy a little something while you're there. Get some adhesive tape.

[F]

Look, Mr. Riley. Every time I call you to the phone, you buy adhesive tape. I know you're trying to do me a favor. But you have created a shortage of adhesive tape in this neighborhood.

[C]

I have?

[F]

The OPA Is asking questions. Tell me, are you starting a black market in adhesive tape?

[C]

No, I swear.

[F]

I. Mr. Raleigh, get your own phone. I've got flat feet from running from my store to your house.

[C]

Well, why don't you wear Arch Support? You could sell them to yourself and save your own profit.

[E]

Why don't you get a boy to help you?

[C]

My dear apothecary, I've had mine already.

[F]

Every time I break one in, he gets drafted. Maybe you know someone who's over age.

[C]

Yeah. An older man, huh? Hey, how's about hiring Uncle Baxter Riley?

[E]

You are not suggesting that I become a soda jerk?

[C]

Well, it ain't hard. You just add soda to your present occupation.

[F]

Oh, I couldn't hire Mr. Tainbull.

[E]

Oh, you could not. And why not, may I ask? Are you impugning my honesty? My intelligence?

[F]

No. But I wouldn't hire anybody who sits in my phone booth like this morning and talks to bookmakers.

[C]

So you talked to Mr. Smedley this morning, huh? You lost a job because we didn't have A phone, huh? Back then.

[E]

Riley, surely you don't believe this. Witherspoon, you've lost your senses.

[F]

I not only lost my senses. I followed the tips you gave me and I lost $30.

[E]

You'll pardon me, I must shave.

[A]

I.

[C]

Well, don't be too careful.

[B]

Mr. Witherspoon. In the future, we'll try not to have so many phone calls.

[F]

Thank you. Oh, Mr. Riley, before I go, could you do me a favor?

[C]

Sure. What is it?

[F]

Sell me 40 cents worth of adhesive.

[C]

Well, I'll. I'll drop some off on my way to the bus.

[F]

Thank you.

[B]

Well, Riley. So Mr. Witherspoon is always glad to call us to the phone if.

[C]

Well, I can't help it. I didn't start the war. But I'm liable to start one with that uncle of yours advertising job. They probably wanted them to walk along the street carrying a sandwich sign.

[D]

Oh, dad.

[C]

Yeah?

[B]

Not having a phone has ruined my whole life.

[C]

Well, what's the matter?

[B]

Margie just told me that Gerald wanted to ask me to the prom. But when he couldn't phone me, he wouldn't ask that Gracie Fletcher.

[D]

And now I haven't got a thing.

[C]

Now, honey, don't get upset. Look, I ain't going to the prom, and I ain't crying.

[B]

Poor child. I'll go and talk to her.

[E]

Riley, I could not help overhearing the details of Barbara's horrible plight.

[C]

Uncle Baxter, this, like every other business in this country, is none of your business. Besides, it ain't no horrible plight. If my daughter don't go out with that Gerald, I don't trust him.

[E]

But Gerald's father is a banker.

[C]

Then he don't trust me, so we're easy.

[E]

Riley, you owe it to your family to get a phone.

[C]

I told you, you can't get a phone today.

[E]

All right, my obstinate nephew, let your daughter grow up to be an old maid. Do you want to go through life without knowing the thrill of carrying your grandchildren piggyback around the room?

[C]

No, Uncle Baxter. I gotta have grandchildren. At least two. A boy and a girl. But you need a priority for grandchildren, for a phone. Say, you think I didn't want a phone?

[E]

Riley, have you tried to get one?

[C]

Well, no. I talked it over with myself, and we decided it was no use.

[E]

If I can get you a phone, will you permit me to.

[C]

Oh, all right.

[E]

I'll go immediately.

[C]

Here's 20 cents for your bus fare.

[E]

What about my lunch?

[C]

You had it just now with your breakfast. Farewell.

[A]

Riley.

[E]

When you come home tonight, There will be a phone in this house.

[B]

Oh, Riley.

[C]

How's that?

[B]

Oh, she's all right.

[C]

Holy smokes. 7:20 time I kissed you goodbye.

[B]

Well, you're in rare form this morning, Riley.

[C]

You know, Dumplin, for a couple that's been hitched for 17 years, our. Our romance is doing pretty good.

[B]

I like it, dear.

[C]

Ah, sir, the Rileys don't have to take a back seat for any lovers. Not even Cleopatra and Mr. Anth.

[A]

So while we're waiting for Riley to get off to work, let's go to a county fair. See those fine sleek hogs with blue ribbons hanging on the pen? How much do you suppose they weigh? And how much meat will they make? Well, a 250 pound market weight hog will produce only about 135 pounds of meat and 60 pounds of fat for lard. Some of this is sheer loss, like the moisture that goes up the smokehouse flue. And bacon is smoked to the flavorful goodness you like. And the pounds that do go for food aren't all pork chops and ham and bacon. It includes the pig's feet and hocks and spareribs and liver and lard. All fine food, but ones for which you pay less. In fact, a few pork cuts and some beef cuts too frequently sell at retail for less per pound than the per pound price of the live meat animal. They don't even return in money what they cost on the hook. So the cuts that cost a little more must sell for enough to make up for the cost of the pounds lost as well as for the cost of dressing and chilling, curing and smoking and bringing the meat to you. Meats are brought from the farm to your kitchen with less added cost than any other group of foods you eat, according to the United States Department of Agriculture figures. And now back to the life of Riley. It's about five in the evening and none of the Rileys are home yet. But Mrs. Riley's uncle Baxter is at home with a man from the telephone company.

[B]

Hello?

[C]

7 18. Check and ring back completed. Installation rings okay. Tests okay. Thank you. Well, there you are, sir. Your phone's ready to use.

[E]

Oh, capital, capital.

[C]

Ah, you're lucky to get one, what with the shortage, but being a doctor puts you on top of the list.

[E]

Uh, I'm not the doctor. That's my nephew. Oh.

[C]

Hey, could I kind of ask the.

[G]

Doctor a question about my tonsils?

[E]

Dr. Riley's not here. He's out on a call.

[C]

I just wanted him to look at my tonsils. But I could leave them I got.

[A]

Him in a bottle in my car.

[E]

I'm sorry, Dr. Riley is too busy to take in a new patient.

[C]

Well, okay, then.

[G]

Here, sign here.

[E]

Dr. Chester J. Riley, perhaps Baxter Turnbull. Thank you very much.

[B]

Dad, why didn't you go to the movies with Mother?

[C]

Well, I gotta stay here and wait for that plumber. If you don't come pretty soon, I'll have to go down and fix them pipes myself.

[D]

Oh, dad, look.

[B]

A car's in front of the house and a man's getting out.

[C]

Oh, good, that's the plumber. Now we'll have some hot water.

[B]

Well, I'm going to bed. I've got a history exam tomorrow.

[C]

Good night, honey. I'll try and keep the plumber quiet so he won't disturb you.

[G]

Hey, Joe, you see that house there? There's a doctor. See, there's the shingle in the window. Dr. Riley, he just moved into the neighborhood. Boy, I sure hope he can do something for my throat. Wait for me, will.

[E]

You?

[G]

Oh, good evening, Doc.

[E]

Good evening.

[C]

Bad throat, huh?

[G]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Yeah, it's murder. Well, follow me down to the cellar. We'll take a look at those pipes.

[G]

The cellar? The cellar.

[C]

Yeah. I've been waiting for you all evening.

[G]

But. But, But, Doc, why the cellar? The light's good up here.

[C]

Look, bud, don't stand there with your mouth open. Come on, it won't take long.

[G]

Probably all I need is some gargles.

[C]

You don't need goggles. This ain't a welding job. Say, you shouldn't have worn that good suit. By the time you're through, you'll be a mess.

[G]

Hey, is it that serious?

[C]

Aw, maybe they're rusty inside. There's rags stuck somewhere. We'll flush them with sulfuric acid.

[G]

Sulfuric acid?

[E]

Look, Doc.

[G]

Look, I'd better come back tomorrow.

[C]

Oh, I ain't letting you get away, pal. Now that you're here, I'm desperate.

[G]

Look, I ain't going down in that cellar.

[C]

Don't look so worried. They can be fixed. There's nothing that a blowtorch can't do.

[G]

Blowtorch? Let me out of here.

[H]

You're nuts.

[G]

You're not a doctor.

[C]

You're a plumber.

[E]

Riley, what's all this confounded dinner bout waking me up in the middle of the evening?

[C]

Well, Uncle Baxter, there's a lunatic loose in the neighborhood. Plumber comes in here and says I'm not a doctor.

[E]

A doctor? I thought I took that shingle out of the window. Good heavens, I forgot.

[G]

I.

[C]

What shingle? In what window? Say, there is a shingle in the window. It's not the plumber who's a lunatic. Uncle Baxter.

[E]

Riley, you wanted a phone. While Riley can't get a phone, Dr. Riley can.

[C]

So that's how you got the phone, saying I was a doctor. Of all the low down, double dealing. I'm gonna take that shingle and make you eat it.

[E]

Riley, be serene. Count your blessing.

[C]

I'll serene you.

[E]

Riley. Out the window. A policeman with a man who's limping. They're coming here.

[C]

Ah, Cap, Good. I'll tell them what you've done.

[E]

Riley, this phone is in your name. Now, according to the law, you have committed a fraud. Ipso facto.

[C]

But I can prove I ain't a doctor. I got them party. Ipso factos.

[E]

Now, Riley, listen. Discretion is the better part of valor. They'll drag you out of the house handcuffed.

[C]

You mean I can go to jail for this?

[E]

Well, you can take your choice. You can either go or they'll take you. You'll be locked in the tidy cell. You won't be Chester J. Riley anymore. You'll just be number 15328.

[C]

Well, I don't care. I'm going to tell the truth. All right.

[E]

Number 153298. Riley. Riley, you can't think of yourself. You must think of your wife and the children and the disgrace you are bringing down on their innocent heads.

[C]

Gee, if I go to jail, I may lose my job.

[E]

Riley, the doorbell.

[C]

What'll I do?

[E]

Let them think you're a doctor. Get rid of them as quick as you can.

[C]

My head's beginning to hurt. I need a doctor myself.

[E]

Shall I Open the door, Dr. Riley?

[C]

All right, let's get it over with. Hello, doctor.

[E]

I'm not the doctor. This is Dr. Riley.

[H]

Doc, Mr. Chase here had an accident down the street.

[E]

Oh, I. I'm all right, Doctor.

[H]

I'll handle this. Examine his leg, Doc. We gotta make sure there's no bones broken.

[C]

Well, it looks all right from here.

[E]

Oh, there's nothing wrong with it. See, I. I can walk.

[H]

Walk or no walk, the rule book says after an accident, the victim must be examined by a licensed physician.

[C]

Yeah, but Officer, the man says there's nothing wrong with his leg. And who should know better? After all, it's his leg.

[E]

Hey, Officer, I think I'll be going.

[H]

Sit down there. I know my duty. Start your examination, Doctor.

[C]

Well, let's see. Stick out your tongue.

[B]

Tongue.

[C]

It's his leg.

[E]

Better hurry. Dr. Riley, don't forget you're wanted in surgery.

[C]

Yeah, I almost forgot, Officer. There's nothing I can do. I just moved into the neighborhood and I ain't got my tools. Tools?

[E]

The doctor means instruments.

[C]

Professional slang.

[E]

Officer, I've got to get home.

[C]

Yeah, that's what I prescribe. A good dose of home.

[H]

Now, wait a minute, Doc. Wait a minute. I want to know what's wrong with this leg in case he sues the city.

[E]

Oh, I won't sue anybody. It's only a slight sprain.

[C]

That's right. It's only a sprain. Maybe not even that. Maybe it's only a fractured. A fracture. Professional slang meaning nothing wrong. All Mr. Chase needs is exercise, walking, plenty of walking. And my advice is to start right now. Good night, Mr. Chase. No charge.

[H]

Wait a minute, Doc. Wait a minute. You mean walking after you've taped up his leg, don't you?

[E]

Yes, that's precisely what the doctor means. Go on. Dr. Riley, the tape.

[C]

Look, officer, there's something I got to tell you.

[E]

Doctor, you better hurry up. You know, Mr. Warden is expecting you.

[H]

What were you saying, Doc?

[C]

I. I better tape that leg before gangbusters sets in. I. I mean, gangrene.

[E]

I. I'll get some adhesive tape from the surgical cabinet.

[D]

Oh, Dr. Riley, I'm Mrs. Ponsonby. I saw your shingle in the window and I said to myself, I must drop in and see Dr. Riley.

[C]

Lady, I'm very busy right now.

[H]

Go ahead. Take care of the lady, Doc.

[C]

We'll wait. But I. Well, all right. Into the dining room, madam.

[D]

Oh, Dr. Riley, I have pains and aches all the time. And, you know, last night I got the most terrible pain in my jaw. So this morning I went to see Dr. Fairfax, and he told me it was my imagination. So this afternoon I went to see Dr. Carter, and he frightened me terribly. He said there was nothing wrong. And now. Now I'm coming from Dr. Peters, and he just laughs. But I just know that it must be lockjaw.

[C]

Little lockjaw wouldn't hurt.

[D]

Oh, there it is, doctor. Joe, do you think you'll have to operate? I have money. I can afford an operation.

[C]

Oh, no, I. I seldom operate. What. What that jawbone needs is rest.

[D]

Oh, you mean a month in Palm Springs? Oh, I just love Palm Springs. It's so hot and so cool and so expensive.

[C]

There's only one thing that'll fix that Chore adhesive tape.

[D]

How quaint.

[C]

Now, you just wait here and unless you'd rather leave.

[D]

No, no, I'll wait. Oh, Doctor, you have a wonderful bedside manner.

[H]

Say, doc, Will you take care of this leg?

[C]

Now, here's the tape, Doctor. Oh, yes, there's a tape. Yeah, well, let's see. We stick a piece here, stick a piece there.

[H]

How's the lady, Doc? Anything serious?

[C]

No, just a little lock jaw, lung jaw.

[D]

Dr. Bardi, hurry, please. I have an appointment with Dr. Fawcett in 15 minutes.

[C]

I'm coming, Mrs. Ponsonby. Excuse me, Mr. Chase, I. Well, tonight. Better answer the door first, Doctor. My name is Fogel Fresher. I'm sorry, I can't do anything for that.

[A]

I saw your shingle in the window.

[C]

Everybody thought I'd shingle except me. There's something in my eye, Doc. Can you fix me up? Well, I. I'm pretty busy taping up this man's leg here.

[E]

Oh, go on, Doc.

[A]

His eye is more important than my leg.

[C]

Okay. Here, let me lift that eyelid. Hey, now, take it easy, Doc. Anything there? Yeah, there's an eye on a speck of dust. We'll try and work it out. Now, close your eyes now. Now open your eyes. Now close them.

[A]

Yeah, they're closed.

[C]

Can you see anything? No. Hmm. Interesting.

[E]

Oh, Dr. Riley, now will you please.

[C]

Finish taping my leg? Oh, yeah, sure, I guess.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

But what about my eye? My eyes. Pronounce it cured.

[D]

Dr. Riley, you better do something. I'm beginning to feel better.

[C]

Hey, doc, can I open my eyes now? Yeah, yeah, open them. Well, Mr. Chase, you're. Your leg's all finished. You can go to.

[E]

Thanks, Doctor.

[C]

Oh, what's the matter now? I can't walk and I can't talk and I can't see and I can't stand. Hello.

[B]

What?

[C]

A maternity case? Well, you better call somebody else. I'm busy. How much can a doctor like me do?

[H]

Now, Doc, if that's the case with a stork, you go on over there. Come on, folks, everybody out. Dr. Riley's got an emergency.

[D]

What about my jaw?

[C]

What about my eye and my leg? Folks, the flat foot is right. What's an eye or a jaw or a leg compared to a bundle from heaven? A blasted event. Everybody out.

[B]

Come on.

[H]

Good night, Doc.

[C]

Holy smokes.

[E]

Riley. I came through the back door. I phoned you from the drugstore.

[C]

Then that was you with the stork.

[E]

Clever ruse to get rid of them, huh?

[C]

Oh, what a night. And all because you had to have a phone. We're taking it out first thing in the morning.

[E]

Well, you're the boss, Riley. Now to remove the shingle.

[C]

Yeah, I get that. It's stuck. Oh.

[E]

Oh, I Cut myself.

[C]

Bleeding.

[E]

It's bleeding. Give me some of that.

[C]

He's a. Will you. Oh, Uncle Baxter. Not adhesive. A tourniquet and I'll put it on for you. Me, Dr. Riley.

[E]

Riley, you have the strangest look on your face.

[C]

Riley's also Uncle Baxter, if you do me one favor, I'll never say another harsh word to you.

[E]

What's that, Riley?

[C]

Let me apply this tourniquet to your neck. Dorit.

[A]

What do you do at your house when you're all hungry for a good meat meal and your ration points are getting low? Do you just give up? Or do you women who plan the meals get busy and hunt down a meat cut that will match your ration point? Well, maybe you need some help on this. Here are a few ideas from the American Meat Institute. You know, there are many meats that call for very few points per pound. For example, when you find lamb shanks at the market, there's the basis for as fine a dish as you can eat. Get one lamb shank for each member of the family, brown them in fat, braise them slowly in a covered pan in the oven, and you'll have as delicious a meat meal as you can get in the best restaurant. Ox joints are another famous restaurant meat that you ought to try at home. So are barbecued spare ribs and kidney stew. Or if you want to go into the good old fashioned homey dishes, try pork sausage and mashed potatoes. Why not have a little chat with your meat man? He knows all the good meat cuts that save points and will help you choose something really good from those he has each day. Remember, even the low point meats have the essential B vitamins and the minerals iron, copper, phosphorus and of course, protean. Yes, meats is the yardstick of protean food. All statements regarding the nutritional value of meat made on this program are accepted by the Council on Foods and Nutrition of the American Medical Association.

[B]

Well, Riley, you still up?

[C]

Yeah, dumplin. How was the movie?

[B]

Oh, it was wonderful, Riley. I saw a Dr. Gillespie picture. Oh, such excitement. You wouldn't believe what those doctors go through. Well, you should have been there.

[C]

I should have been there.

[A]

Follow the life of Riley next week at the same time. William Bendix, who appears on this program by arrangement with Hal Roach, can be seen currently in the 20th Century Fox picture Lifeboat. The life of Riley was directed by Don Bernard with music by Lou Coslow. It came to you from Hollywood. This is Ken Nile saying, see you next week.

[C]

Oh, Mr. Niles. Yes, Riley, don't forget to tell our friends. We all got to buy an extra E bond and go over the top in the fourth war. Loan drive. Let's get this war finished and then we all can live the life of Rally.

[E]

This is the Dual Network.