Life of Riley 45-01-07 (052) Silver Gloves Boxing Tourney

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Life of Riley 45-01-07 (052) Silver Gloves Boxing Tourney
Air Date: January 28, 2026
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
Starring: William Bendix as Chester A. Riley

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Overview

This episode of "Life of Riley" centers around Chester A. Riley's determination to have his son, Junior, participate in the Silver Gloves Amateur Boxing contest, setting off a chain of comedic mishaps fueled by fatherly pride, neighborhood rivalry, and the gentle push-and-pull of family life. As Riley tries to transform Junior into a boxing champion, unexpected obstacles and hilarious turns—including fears, friendly wagers, and a surprising twist at the big event—capture the warm-hearted, slapstick humor that made "Life of Riley" a radio classic.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

Riley’s Boxing Ambitions for Junior

• Riley wants Junior to enter the Silver Gloves boxing contest to represent his club, the Brooklyn Patriots of Los Angeles (BPLA).
  Key Quote:

  • Riley: “With the benefit of my training, you can't possibly lose. And don't forget, you'll be wearing the colors of the BPLA.” (02:26)

• Riley tries to sell Junior on the benefits—popularity, especially with girls:

  • “Junior boxers are very popular. Especially with girls of the opposite sex. They are, Pop, girls like men who can protect them. A man who can fight is a knight in shining armor, a regular Sir Gallahad or lunch.” (03:24)

Junior’s Reluctance and Peg’s Concerns

• Junior hesitates, doubting his boxing skills and feeling pressure from his father's ambitions.

  • Junior: “But Papa, I don't think I box good enough to be in the Silver Gloves contest.” (02:21)

• Peg, Riley’s wife (nicknamed “Dumplin”), is firmly against Junior boxing, fearing for his safety and future appearance:

  • Peg: “I'm not gonna let our boy grow up to be a prize fighter with those broccoli ears?” (05:32)
  • Riley: “Not broccoli, cauliflower.” (05:40)

Rivalry with Jim Gillis

• Riley’s neighborhood rivalry with Jim Gillis intensifies when Gillis enters his son Egbert into the contest under Riley’s club, beating Riley to registration:

  • Moore: “Mr. Gillis entered his son Egbert for the BPLA five minutes ago.” (08:05)

• The two fathers boast about their sons and make humorous jabs:

  • Gillis: “That egg bird of yours couldn't fight his way through a sheet of Kleenex.”
  • Riley: “He could so.”
  • Gillis: “But who can get Kleenex today?” (08:20)

Unexpected Training and Wagers

• Gillis hires a professional (Slug Malloy) to train Egbert, prompting Riley to call this “an underhanded trick… Why didn’t I think of it?” (10:13)
• Riley makes lighthearted bets—lawn mowings and haircuts—on Junior’s fight prospects, showing his confidence and naivety (10:38, 14:52).
  • Riley: “If Junior wins, Ike's got to give me a six month supply of haircuts. Three haircuts. If Junior loses, I gotta cut my own hair and stand in the window of Ike's Barbershop…” (14:53)

Junior’s Moral Dilemma

• At the last minute, Junior refuses to fight Egbert, distressing Riley.

  • Junior: “I just want to be left alone.” (11:47)
  • Riley (asides to Peg): “My own son, a coward.” (12:01)

• The real reason emerges: Junior doesn’t want to lose Marilyn Morris, his girlfriend, who disapproves of fighting:

  • Junior: “It’s on account of Marilyn Morris, my girl. She said if I went in that ring, she’d never speak to me again.” (16:28)

Riley Appeals to Marilyn

• Riley pays a humorous and heartfelt visit to Marilyn, trying to sway her opinion.

  • Marilyn: “I just don't want Junior's ears to look like Brussels sprouts—cauliflower. Mr. Riley, you may as well know now as later. I'm planning to make Junior my husband.” (18:01)
  • Riley: “Because boxing prepares a man for married life. If Junior learns now how to take it on the chin, when he's married and older, he can take it on both of his chins.” (18:51)

• Marilyn relents, giving Junior permission to fight, wanting him to keep his self-respect (19:41).

The Big Bout—With a Twist

• On the night of the fight, Egbert is missing—Marilyn secretly locked Egbert in a cellar so Junior could win by default:

  • Marilyn: “I knew it couldn't be Egbert, because I locked him in our cellar.” (24:17)

• The crowd expects a fight, so the two fathers (Riley and Gillis) are drafted to box each other for charity instead.

  • Moore: “Well, your name’s Riley, ain’t it? And his name is Gillis, ain’t it? I’m putting you two in the ring.” (21:44)

The Fathers’ Comical Boxing Match

• The actual fight is clumsy and chaotic, full of slapstick misses, both men falling, and the referee being repeatedly knocked down.

  • Jim Gillis (as announcer): “This is the battle of the century. These bums couldn't hit each other in a hundred years.” (24:42)
  • “Now both fighters are picking up the referee.” (25:07)
  • “They stagger to the center. No, Gillis is down. But Riley never touched him. He must have fainted.” (26:15)

• Riley is declared the winner:

  • “Riley is holding up Riley's hand. The winner, Chester Riley. Come over here to the microphone, Riley. Say a few words to the radio audience. What's the matter Riley, you too windy to talk?” (26:32)
  • Riley: “No, I got plenty of wind. Only it goes in and out of my mouth too fast.” (26:49)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On parenting and pride:
  • Riley: “Let him hit me to give him confidence. I think the swelling’s going down a little low. When I close my good eye, I can very dimly see the icebox.” (05:00)
• On rivalry:
  • Riley: “My boy can lick your boy. With one of my hands tied behind your back.” (09:09)
• On love vs. boxing:
  • Junior: “You don't know what it means to be in love.”
  • Riley: “You better not let your mother hear that. I know plenty about love. And it's just like General Sherman said, love is war.” (16:47)

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Important Segment Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|--------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:21 | Riley encourages Junior to enter boxing tournament | | 05:12 | Dumplin Riley’s opposition to boxing | | 08:02 | Egbert entered by Gillis, club rivalry heats up | | 11:09 | Junior refuses to fight, reveals reluctance | | 16:28 | Junior explains it’s about Marilyn, not cowardice | | 18:51 | Riley persuades Marilyn to let Junior fight | | 21:44 | Fathers drafted into boxing ring after Egbert disappears | | 24:17 | Marilyn reveals she locked Egbert in cellar | | 25:07 | Fathers’ chaotic, comical fight scene | | 26:49 | Riley's victory speech after the match |

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Tone & Style

• Witty, affectionate, slapstick—packed with classic “Life of Riley” mix-ups and gently poking humor at family and competitive fatherhood.
• Warm and nostalgic family dynamics—paternal pride, motherly concern, adolescent romance, neighborly rivalry.
• The episode delivers laughs through misunderstandings, exaggerated bravado, and playful language, with a strong undercurrent of heart.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a quintessential slice of postwar American radio comedy—Riley’s comic blunderings, the neighborhood rivalry, and family antics offer timeless humor while showcasing 1940s social attitudes and values. The central boxing plot upends expectations, letting the fathers’ pride (and clumsiness) take center ring, ultimately delivering a message about love, family, and not taking yourself too seriously.

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Recommended for listeners who love rapid-fire comedy, nostalgia, and heartwarming mishaps from the golden age of radio!

Transcript

[Ken Niles]

Hello.

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I'm here during the lunch rush with Janice, who owns her own food truck.

[Junior Riley]

Best cheesesteaks in town.

[Geico Announcer]

Janice traded up to Geico Commercial Auto Insurance for her food truck business. We're here where she needs us most.

[Junior Riley]

They sure are.

[Geico Announcer]

We make it so easy for her to save with customized coverage that grows with her business. Sorry, I just get so emotional talking about saving folks money.

[Dumplin Riley]

Not this onion I'm chopping.

[Geico Announcer]

It's just so beautiful. Oh, yeah, nice. The onion.

[Commercial Announcer]

Get a commercial auto insurance quote [e-mail].

[Ken Niles]

And see how much you could save. It feels good. To Geico. Here he is, folks. During the day he's William Bendix, the movie star. But every Sunday night For the last 52 weeks, he's been the star of the Life of Riley. Now we're going to hear a few words from this one year old radio star. Say something, Bill.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Da da goo goo da da.

[Ken Niles]

The American Meat Institute presents the Life of Riley with William Bendix as Riley, The meat people of America. Providing a great food for a great nation. Five million farmers and ranchers raising fine meat animals. 600,000 men and women in more than 3,500 meat packing plants. 400,000 meat retailers, all doing their level best to fill your daily needs. And now, on behalf of all these, the American Meat Institute brings you the life of Riley. Like most fathers, Chester A. Riley, California war worker, is full of pride in his son Junior and never seems to learn that pride goeth before a fall. Right now, Riley's at it again. He wants Junior to enter the Silver Gloves Amateur contest and is out in the backyard trying to sell Junior the idea. Listen.

[Junior Riley]

But Papa, I don't think I box good enough to be in the Silver Gloves contest.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Don't be so modest, Junior. Let me be the one who's modest. With the benefit of my training. You can't possibly lose. And don't forget, you'll be wearing the colors of the bpla.

[Junior Riley]

The bpla, Pop?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Well, sure. My club, the Brooklyn Patriots of Los Angeles. All the social and athletic clubs are entering some kid. It's for charity. And the BPLA is counting on you. Yeah, and the referee will be counting over me. No, he won't. Junior. I happen to know the referee, Muggsy Donovan. Personal. And Junior, he can't count up to 10. Besides, I'm your manager, your trainer, your sparring partner and your father. And all four of us say you can't lose. But Pa. And another thing, Junior boxers are very popular. Especially with girls of the opposite sex. They are Pop, girls like men who can protect them. A man who can fight as a knight in shining armor, a regular Sir Gallagher or lunch. A lot.

[Junior Riley]

Girls like boxers, huh? Okay, Pop, I'm entering the boundary.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Atta boy. Now. Now, come on. We'll start your training right away. First, I'm gonna show you a tricky uppercut. I call it my Sunday punch.

[Junior Riley]

Why, Pop?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Well, when I hit a fella with this punch, he always lands on his weekend.

[Junior Riley]

Okay, Pop, go ahead and show me.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Now, watch me. First, I faint with my left, then with my right, I bring up a haymaker like this. Where are you, Junior?

[Junior Riley]

Over here, behind you.

[Jim Gillis]

Oh.

[Junior Riley]

Listen, Pop, can't the other fella hit you when your legs are all tangled up like that?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Sure, I'm wide open for a right hook, but if he tries it, I'll block it with my jaw. You try it on me. Look, I'll get down on my knees so I'm more your size. Go ahead.

[Junior Riley]

Gosh, I don't want to hurt you.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

I just figured that I'm your sparring partner as well as your trainer. Forget I'm your father. Don't worry, I'll duck. Come on, let me have the old one, too. Come on.

[Junior Riley]

Okay. One, two.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Gosh.

[Junior Riley]

Popping work.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Oh, yeah. You see, your trainer was so busy watching your styles that your sparring partner forgot to duck. And I think your father is getting a black eye. Come on, Peg, let's finish up the dish at fair.

[Dumplin Riley]

Honest, Riley, I don't understand what's going on in that mind of yours.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Now, dumplin, don't worry about my mind. It's very simple.

[Dumplin Riley]

First you invite Junior to hit you in the eye, and then as a reward, you do these dishes for him.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Well, I don't want Junior to do no more dishes for a while. Dishwater's liable to soften up his hands.

[Dumplin Riley]

Hasn't done much for me. Well, I'm telling you for the last time, I'm not gonna let our boy grow up to be a prize fighter with those broccoli ears?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Not broccoli, cauliflower. And don't worry. Junior can take care of himself. He's got my fighting blood in his veins.

[Dumplin Riley]

You're fighting blood? Look at that black eye he gave you.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Let him hit me to give him confidence. I think the swelling's going down a little low. When I close my good eye, I can very dimly see the icebox. There.

[Dumplin Riley]

That's the gas meter you're looking at. Oh, Riley, don't you think it's dangerous.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

To let Junior fight Junior's my boy. Also, remember, her father's got mother love, too. Why, with me training Junior, nobody's gonna lay a glove on him. It's like I was saying to Jim Gillis.

[Dumplin Riley]

I said, oh, so that's it. You and that Jim Gillis have been boasting to each other again.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Now, now, Peg, listen.

[Dumplin Riley]

And you said that Junior was a better fighter than Gillis's boy, Egbert.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

I said that? This time you got me all wrong. It was Gillis that said Egbert was a better fighter than Junior.

[Dumplin Riley]

Oh, the idea. Two grown men getting two little boys to fight each other.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Well, in the first place, it ain't fighting, it's boxing.

[Dumplin Riley]

What's the difference?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Well, boxing's more gentlemanly. When you knock the guy's teeth out, you wear gloves. Well, and in the second place, Egbert don't figure in this at all anyway because only Junior is representing a bpla. Boy is. Gil is going to be jealous when he hears about it.

[Junior Riley]

Pop, I finished my homework. Let's go and enter me in the box.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Oh, oh, okay, Sonny Peg, we're going down to see the boxing promoter, Rosin Face Moore. Rosinface is managing the tournament.

[Dumplin Riley]

Oh, I give up. Now, Riley, look, promise me one thing.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Yeah.

[Dumplin Riley]

Arrange it so that the boy who fights Junior won't hit him.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Oh, sure, sure. Come on, champ.

[Rosin Face Moore]

All right, next entry.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Mr. Moore, I want to sign up for the school Schoolboy division of the Silver Gloves.

[Ken Niles]

Schoolboy?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Yeah.

[Rosin Face Moore]

I'm afraid you're a little late. You should have been here 25 years ago.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Oh. Oh, I hate the schoolboy. I'm entering my son here, Battlin Kid Riley. He's representing a bpla.

[Rosin Face Moore]

No, you're too late, Riley. We already have one entry from that club.

[Junior Riley]

Oh, gee, Pop, how can that be?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Well, it can't.

[Rosin Face Moore]

Well, it is. Mr. Gillis entered his son Egbert for the BPLA five minutes ago.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Why, the double crosser. The traitor. That kid Egbert Gillis can't represent the bpla. He's a cream puff.

[Jim Gillis]

Just a minute, Riley. I hate that crack and I don't.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Like it a lot. Skillis, that egg bird of yours couldn't fight his way through a sheet of Kleenex. He could so.

[Jim Gillis]

But who can get Kleenex today?

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[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Look at this black guy my Junior gave me. I don't see your boy giving you no black eye.

[Jim Gillis]

Well, of course not. I brung him up better. He only fights kids his own size.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Is that so? Well, he better not pick on my Junior. My boy can lick your boy. With one of my hands tied behind your back.

[Jim Gillis]

Why you won't.

[Dumplin Riley]

Wait a minute.

[Rosin Face Moore]

Just a minute.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Just a minute.

[Rosin Face Moore]

Just a second, man. I tell you what I'll do. I'll let down the rules and let both boys represent your club against each other. Then the winner will be the champion of the bpla.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Hello. Oh, hello, Pointy. Well, sure. I think Junior will win. What? Oh, okay, Pointy. Thanks for tipping me off. So long. Peg. Guess what? Guess what? What? I just heard that Jim Gillis is having his kid trained by Slug Malloy. Ex welterweight champion of the Santa Monica Pier.

[Dumplin Riley]

A professional. Oh, is that fair?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

What a snaky thing to do. What an underhanded trick. Only a shift and conniving weasel to do a thing like that. Why didn't I think of it?

[Dumplin Riley]

Riley, I'm worried about this.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Well, don't worry, Dumplin. I, I promise you that Junior won't get hurt. Boy, it's such a sure thing. I've been laying three to one that Junior will win.

[Junior Riley]

Three to one?

[Dumplin Riley]

Where are you gonna get the money to cover all those bets?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Well, who needs money? I, I, I bet Muley Durkin three mows of his lawn to one trim of our hedge. All I hope is Junior watches his training. Well, what do you have for lunch?

[Dumplin Riley]

Two sandwiches and a glass of milk. And a chocolate eclair.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

A chocolate eclair? Again with the custard. If you must feed them a class, please see that they're filled with meat. Oh, there's Junior now. Is that you, Chip?

[Junior Riley]

Yes, me.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Well, Peg, start dishing out that grub. And Champ, sit down at that table and start packing it away. Go ahead, kid.

[Junior Riley]

I'm not hungry.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Well, Junior, you got to build up your way to egg. Bird's Eye will beat you.

[Junior Riley]

No, he won't.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

That's the way I like to hear you talk.

[Junior Riley]

Because I'm not going to fight Egg Bird.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Junior, I didn't quite understand you. I can't hear with my mouth full.

[Junior Riley]

I'm not Going to fight Egbert?

[Dumplin Riley]

Well, I think he's being sensible. I'm glad that's settled.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

But it ain't settled. What do you mean you won't fight Egg Bird? Why won't you?

[Junior Riley]

I can't tell you why, Pop. Please don't ask me.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Junior, there's only one type of a boy who runs away from a fight.

[Junior Riley]

I can't help it. I don't want to fight. I just want to be left alone.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Junior, come back here. Peg, I know why he's running out. He's scared. He must have heard how Egbert was being trained by a professional. My own son, a coward.

[Dumplin Riley]

Oh, come now. How do you know?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

I just got a feeling. You know me, I'm. I'm psychopathic.

[Ken Niles]

Well, Riley seems to have lost the first round in his fight to make Junior a silver glove champ. Round two follows in just a moment. But in the meantime, this is Ken Niles speaking for meat. Let me tell you what Mrs. Niles did for me at dinner last night. Saturday night, I sat down hungry. Yes, even radio announcers get that way. Hungry as a bear. Well, in she comes with a deep covered dish, hot as a firecracker. First I get a friendly fragrance, and then I take off the lid.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Ah.

[Ken Niles]

Inside it's brown and warm chunks of good lean beef in a steaming liquid. Fluffy islands of dumplings, carrots, onions, potatoes. I lift off a dumpling, and then I take the biggest ladle we have in the house. Scoop, fill, lift and serve. In that homey mixture on my plate are meat, vegetables, dumplings and all. The name of that mealtime masterpiece is beef stew. Bubbling Barney. Beef stew. And Mrs. Niles said, Honey, it took only about a pound of stew meat to build that stew. It only cost me two red points out of the hundred the two of us have this month. Well, ladies, that all goes to show there are still a lot of ways to keep meat on the table, even in these days of tighter rationing. Look for the low point meats in your market. Short ribs, for instance, or sausage. Just one to three points per pound. Most of the variety meats such as kidney and hearts and pork and lamb liver are still point free. Remember, when you keep meat on the menu, you keep getting those highest quality essential proteins for meat is a yardstick of protean foods, because meat measures up to every protean need. And now back to the life of Riley with William Bendix as Riley. It's round two of Riley's struggle to persuade his son to meet young Egbert. Gillis in the Silver Gloves boxing tournament tonight. Junior's last minute refusal to fight left Riley down, but not quite out.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

I guess I should never have depended on Junior. I guess I'm just a big dope. Well, you might have the courtesy to deny it.

[Dumplin Riley]

Why should I? You got yourself into this, now take the consequences.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Yeah, I can just see myself paying off the bet I made with Ike Shanahan, the barber.

[Dumplin Riley]

You made a bet with the barber, too?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Yeah. If Junior wins, Ike's got to give me a six month supply of haircuts. Three haircuts. If Junior loses, I gotta cut my own hair and stand in the window of Ike's Barbershop with a sign around my neck which says, let Ike cut your hair or someday you look like this.

[Dumplin Riley]

Next time, don't bend.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Junior can't treat me this way, even if I am his father. I'm gonna have another talk with him. Junior. Come in here. Peg. Where you going?

[Dumplin Riley]

I've got the dishes to do.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

All the ships are deserting the sinking Rat.

[Junior Riley]

What do you want, Pop?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Junior, you. You've been a great disappointment to me, you know that?

[Junior Riley]

I know.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

And you still won't tell me why you won't fight Egg for tonight, huh?

[Junior Riley]

I can't tell you, Pop.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Well, you don't have to, because I know why you do. Sure, you're just afraid to spoil your good looks, but you shouldn't be, Junior. I'm the one who should be afraid. Because after all, you got them from me.

[Junior Riley]

Honest, Papa, I ain't afraid of spoiling my looks.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

I.

[Commercial Announcer]

But.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

But Junior, how can you run away from a fight? You were born in Brooklyn, Junior.

[Junior Riley]

I'm sorry I got you in this jam.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

I don't care about myself. I don't even care about Gillison. The boy's riven me. But what I can't take is the thought that my.

[Junior Riley]

My own son is a. I'm not a coward, Pop. Honest, I ain't. It's something else. It was.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Yes, Junior.

[Junior Riley]

It's on account of Marilyn Morris, my girl. She said if I went in that ring, she'd never speak to me again.

[Jim Gillis]

Is that all?

[Junior Riley]

Oh, don't laugh, Pop. You don't know what it means to be in love.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

You better not let your mother hear that. I know plenty about love. And it's just like General Sherman said, love is war. Listen, Junior, Suppose Marilyn said she'd let you fight.

[Junior Riley]

Boy, if she only would, Pop. I'd get in that ring and tear Egbert to pieces. He's always Trying to get Marilyn away from me.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Junior, get your trunks and bathrobe together and be ready to leave for the arena on a minute's notice.

[Marilyn Morris]

Sit down, Mr. Riley, won't you?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Oh, thanks, Marilyn. Now, now, you sit down too, huh?

[Marilyn Morris]

Now, what did you want to see me about, Mr. Riley?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Well, well, well, well. Happy New Year. Thank you. Same to you. Same to you, too. Well, Marilyn, I believe in coming right to the point. I'm here on a sort of a peace mission. You gotta let Junior fight tonight.

[Marilyn Morris]

Oh, I'm sorry, but I don't approve of fighting.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

But Marilyn, fighting builds a boy up. It makes a he man out of him. And girls like he men. Look at Van Johnson. Look at Frank Sinatra. No, look back at Van Johnson.

[Marilyn Morris]

Well, maybe that's so, but I just don't want Junior's ears to look like Brussels sprouts cauliflower. Mr. Riley, you may as well know now as later. I'm planning to make Junior my husband.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

You are? Well, in that case, I'll have to double his 50 cent allowance.

[Marilyn Morris]

Oh, we won't get married for a little while. We're thinking of June 9, 1956.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Well, if you're going to marry him, you should let him box. Because boxing prepares a man for married life. I mean, if Junior learns now how to take it on the chin, when he's married and older, he can take it on both of his chins. So what do you say? Let Junior fight, huh?

[Marilyn Morris]

Oh, Junior's perfectly free to do what he wants. All I said was if he fights, I'll never speak to him again.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

You call that freedom? Marilyn, are you sure you were never married before?

[Marilyn Morris]

Why, Mr. Riley, I was only kidding.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Listen, Marilyn, Marilyn, if you don't let Junior fight tonight and he loses by default, Junior won't have no self respect. And when a woman makes a man loses self respect, he can never forgive her.

[Marilyn Morris]

Oh, I never looked at it like that. I wouldn't want junior to. Mr. Riley, I've changed my mind.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Oh, that's great.

[Marilyn Morris]

It's my duty to see that Junior wins.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Oh, don't worry. I think he'll win.

[Dumplin Riley]

I know he'll win.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Ah, you're a swell kid, Marilyn. And. And it's okay for you to marry Junior? I'm. I'm here by giving you his hand. The one with the paycheck in. Oh, Mr. Moore. How's the big promoter?

[Rosin Face Moore]

Fine, Riley, fine. We're going to have a capacity crowd tonight. Yeah, a lot of people want to see your boy mix it with young Gillis Ah, sure.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

All my pals are out there, too. And battling Kid Rowdy is all set.

[Jim Gillis]

Where's Moore?

[Rosin Face Moore]

Right here, Mr. Gillis. Why?

[Ken Niles]

What's wrong?

[Jim Gillis]

Where's Egg Bite? Have you seen my Egg Bite? Where is he?

[Rosin Face Moore]

Don't you know?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

No.

[Jim Gillis]

The last I know, he was going over to see some little kid, Marilyn Morris. I just called her. She said he never showed up. The kid is missing, huh?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

He's smart.

[Rosin Face Moore]

Now listen, Gillis, you're putting me in a fine spot. There's a big crowd upstairs waiting to see the Riley Gillis bout.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

If we don't give him one, we.

[Rosin Face Moore]

Gotta turn back the money. The charity loses and I look like a heel.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

My junior's here. He ain't afraid.

[Jim Gillis]

My Egg Bite ain't afraid. He's just missing.

[Rosin Face Moore]

Hey, I wish I could find a substitute fight.

[Jim Gillis]

I wouldn't be surprised if Egg Bite was kidnapped.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Now, why would anybody kidnap Egg Bite?

[Rosin Face Moore]

Somewhere I gotta find another.

[Jim Gillis]

I know why. And I think I know who done it.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Gillis, who do you think you're looking at?

[Jim Gillis]

Who do you think I'm looking at?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

I asked you first.

[Rosin Face Moore]

Somewhere. I gotta find another. Wait a minute. I got one right under my nose.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

You want to make something out of this, Gillis?

[Jim Gillis]

I do if you do.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Okay, I. I dare you to knock this chip off my shoulder.

[Jim Gillis]

There ain't no chip on your shoulder.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Well, I dare you to put one on.

[Rosin Face Moore]

Now, wait a minute, gentlemen.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

[Rosin Face Moore]

Never fight for nothing. Now, there's a big crowd upstairs waiting to see the Gillis Riley bot. Well, they're going to see it.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

But the kids can't fight. His kid ain't here.

[Rosin Face Moore]

Well, your name's Riley, ain't it? And his name is Gillis, ain't it?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

I'm putting you two in the ring.

[Rosin Face Moore]

Gillis vs Riley, just as advertised.

[Jim Gillis]

No way a minute.

[Junior Riley]

Lie quiet on this table, Pop, so I can rub you down. You ain't nervous, are you, Pop?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Who, me? If you notice me shaking, I'm just loosening up my muscles. Why don't we get going, Pop?

[Junior Riley]

Don't forget your old Sunday punk.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

But this here is only Saturday.

[Junior Riley]

What's worrying you, Pa?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Nothing, Hunt. Only thinking about poor old Gillis. Him and me been pals for years. Now I gotta go upstairs and punch him all over. The ring, I hope. Okay, Riley, let's go now.

[Rosin Face Moore]

Yeah, that crowd won't wait much longer. Come on, let's get into the ring.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Okay, I'm ready.

[Rosin Face Moore]

Well, don't be so nervous.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

I ain't nervous. Wait. Where's my gloves?

[Rosin Face Moore]

They're tied to your hands.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Where's my hands? Never mind. I won't need them. Let's go.

[Dumplin Riley]

Oh, hello, Marilyn. Well, come in, dear.

[Marilyn Morris]

Thank you, Mrs. Riley. May I hear the fights on your radio? They won't let me listen at home.

[Dumplin Riley]

Why, yes. Come into the living room. But I thought you didn't like boxing, Marilyn.

[Marilyn Morris]

I don't, but I just want to hear them announce that Junior wins by default.

[Dumplin Riley]

How do you know he'll win by default?

[Marilyn Morris]

You'll see.

[Dumplin Riley]

Well, I'll tune the radio in.

[Jim Gillis]

And now, folks, it's time for the main bout, Gillis versus Riley. This is the fight we've been waiting for, folks.

[Dumplin Riley]

They'll have a long wait.

[Junior Riley]

Oh, listen.

[Dumplin Riley]

Something's happened.

[Jim Gillis]

And now the two contestants are climbing into the ring. Here's Riley and here's Gillis.

[Marilyn Morris]

I don't understand it. Egbert can't be there.

[Jim Gillis]

Official weights of the two contestants, Gillis, 180 pounds. What? And Riley weighs in at 195.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

100.

[Junior Riley]

What's happened to Junior?

[Jim Gillis]

They're getting a big cheer, folks. After all, they stepped in at the last moment to take the place of their sons, Junior Riley and Eggbert Gillis.

[Dumplin Riley]

Oh, Marilyn, it's not Junior and Eggbert. It's my husband and Mr. Gillis.

[Marilyn Morris]

The men are fighting each other. I knew it couldn't be Egbert, because I locked him in our cellar.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

You did what?

[Marilyn Morris]

So Junior could win by default.

[Jim Gillis]

There is the gang. The fight is on. Now, if they'll only come out of their corners. Now they're up off their stones. They rush each other and they miss each other and land on the ropes. This is the battle of the century. These bumps couldn't hit each other in a hundred years.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Oh, dear.

[Dumplin Riley]

This is dreadful.

[Jim Gillis]

Now the referee pulls them back in the center. Now they spar, go right and let's go with a haymaker. And wham. The referee is down. The referee is up again. Now he's down again. It was Gillis. Got a bad time. Now both fighters are picking up the referee.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Oh.

[Jim Gillis]

Gillis trips Riley. They drop the referee. Riley slugs Gillers. Gillis slugs Riley.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

The referee is up.

[Jim Gillis]

No, he's down.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Down.

[Jim Gillis]

They're all down. I can't see what's going on. Well, that's the end of round one, folks. And what a fight. I wish you could be here. Well, this is for charity, folks. They say charity begins at home. And that's where Riley and Gillis wish they were.

[Dumplin Riley]

And that's where they ought to be, those two.

[Jim Gillis]

And remember folks, these prize fights come to you through the courtesy of Digger Odell, the friendly undertaker whose motto is, when you think of foxy, think of me. Round two. The men come out. No wait, they're not coming out. That last round seems to have winded them well. This will be a no decision Bowel.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Yes, yes.

[Jim Gillis]

Riley is coming out punchy, but game now. Gillis is up too. Oh, what a fight. They stagger to the center. No, Gillis is down. But Riley never touched him. He must have fainted. Riley is counting over Gillis. I forgot to say the referee didn't come out for this round.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

3, 4.

[Marilyn Morris]

My, I thought prize fights lasted longer than this.

[Dumplin Riley]

I think they're supposed to, but not with those two in there.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

7, 8, 9, 10.

[Jim Gillis]

It's all over, folks. Riley is holding up Riley's hand. The winner, Chester Riley. Come over here to the microphone, Riley. Say a few words to the radio audience. What's the matter Riley, you too windy to talk?

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

No, I got plenty of wind. Only it goes in and out of my mouth too fast. It was a great fight folks, and the best man won.

[Jim Gillis]

I feel fine. Gillis never laid a glove on me.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

But if Jake of Jake's Meat Market is in the house, I want to order two steaks, one for each eye.

[Ken Niles]

The Riley's will be back in just a moment. Well, this is about the time of year when most folks get hungry for a good sausage breakfast. Not just on Sunday, but now and.

[Rosin Face Moore]

Then throughout the week.

[Ken Niles]

Well, as long as pork sausage takes only two or three points a pound, I say let's have it. And if you want to stretch the sausage out a little bit, you can make mine with cottage fried potatoes on the side and some good cream gravy. Or give me my breakfast sausage pieced out with scrambled eggs or crisp fried mush or some nice red apple slices browned in the drippings. But give me sausage. And while I'm talking about it, I'll add that the tasty lean in that sausage has the right kind of proteins. The kind that everyone, old or young, needs to build and rebuild tissues. All meat has these proteins of highest quality. Meat is a yardstick of protean foods because meat measures up to every protean need. All these nutritional statements made about meat are accepted by the Council on Foods and Nutrition of the American Medical Association.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

Folks, this is William Bendix getting personal for just a moment. Tonight is something of an occasion for all of us. Who are part of the life of Riley. This is our 52nd program, and even with Raleigh's arithmetic, that makes us one year old. Thank you. For a year now, I've wanted to pay public tribute to the fine actors who comprise our regular cast. First, Riley's wife, Dumplin, played by a very, very pretty gal, Paula Winslow.

[Dumplin Riley]

Oh, Bill Bendix.

[Chester A. Riley (William Bendix)]

When television comes, her blush will be a Sensation. Riley's son, Jr. Is Conrad Binion, and Jim Gillis is John Brown. Not heard in tonight's story are Riley's daughter, Babs, who is Sharon Douglas. Waldo Binney, played by Dink Trout. Digger Odell, the merry undertaker, played also by John Brown. And of course, our announcer, Ken Meat is a yardstick of protean foods. Niles, For all of us, it's been a pleasant privilege to meet you at your radio each Sunday. And if we've succeeded in giving you a smile or two, well, that's the nicest birthday present we could possibly have. Good night and see you next week.

[Ken Niles]

Follow the Life of Riley, presented by the American Meat Institute next week at the same time. William Bendix plays Riley by arrangement with Hal Roach. The Life of Riley is written by Ashmead Scott, Alan Lipscott and Reuben Shipp. It is directed by Don Bernard with music by Lou Koslow. Our engineer is Thor Lacroix. This is Ken Nile saying, see you next week. This is the go network, 7:30 at keca, los angeles.