Lum and Abner 35-01-31 (0034) Abner - Fake Broken Arms

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Lum and Abner 35-01-31 (0034) Abner - Fake Broken Arms
Date: September 30, 2025
Theme:
This episode of "Lum and Abner" centers on comedic misadventure as Abner pretends to have both arms broken in an elaborate ruse to regain his wife Elizabeth's sympathy after a domestic dispute. The episode follows the aftermath, as Abner, supported by Lum, maintains his charade in front of friends and neighbors—leading to a series of humorous interrogations, misunderstandings, and a new business venture on the horizon.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: The "Broken Arms" Scheme

• Background:
  Abner has been in marital trouble, barred from his house by his wife Elizabeth since she returned from Texas. To regain entry and sympathy, Lum devises a plan: fake an accident where Abner is (supposedly) run over and breaks both arms.
• Result:
  The plan succeeds—Elizabeth welcomes Abner home with open arms and takes care of him, with Abner propped up in bed and his arms in splints (as a ruse).

2. The Interrogation: Abner's Fishy Story

• Dick Huddleston Visits ([03:19–06:14]):
  Dick comes over to express concern, but quickly grows suspicious as Abner fails to remember key details of his "accident":
  • Dick: “Well, I didn’t hear a thing about it till this morning. What time did it happen, Abner?” ([03:19])
  • Abner: “Oh, yesterday.” ([03:24])
  • Dick (skeptical): “You know less about this accident to have been in it than anybody I ever saw, haven’t you?” ([04:46])
  • Abner (admitting his fluster): “Yeah, I do, don’t. I don’t recollect much about it.” ([04:50])
• Insurance Talk:
  Dick checks if Abner has insurance and commiserates about how helpful it will be. Abner, unsure, says yes ([06:04]).

3. Grandpappy Enters: Heightening the Farce

• Grandpappy Drops In ([06:16–09:00]):
  Grandpappy peppers Abner with probing questions and morbidly predicts a dire outcome for his "injuries":
  • Grandpappy: “Man get up your age, he generally awful slow about mending—facts is I doubt where you ever get over it.” ([07:29])
  • Dick (protesting): “Well now, Grandpap, you oughtn’t to be scaring Abner, that way. It’s bad enough as it is.” ([07:53])
  • Abner (optimistic): “Yeah, well, you ain’t scaring me none, Grandpap. Be up around again before you know it.” ([08:07])

4. Maintaining the Ruse: The Pressure Grows

• The Strain of Lying ([09:48–10:07]):
  Abner begins to worry about keeping up the pretense:
  • Abner: “You know, the last time we tried this—when we made out like my leg was broke—well, it never worked out so well.” ([09:57])
  • Lum (reassuring): “Oh, well, we learned a lot that time.” ([10:03])
  • Abner (wary): “Yeah. We oughta learn enough not to try it again, I’m fearing.” ([10:05])
  • Lum promises he’ll handle everything.

5. The Real Problem: Finances

• Abner’s Dilemma ([11:02–11:41]):
  Though he’s being doted on, Abner’s worried about money. He’ll need to keep faking his injury or they’ll run out of food—he doesn’t want to take groceries on credit.
• Dick Huddleston: Offers groceries on credit, but Abner declines, not knowing when he can pay back. ([11:25])

6. New Beginnings: Lum’s Secret Business Plan

• A New Venture ([11:43–12:22]):
  Lum hints at a new business that will solve their worries:
  • Lum: “Abner, me and you has went into another business… Our finance worries is over.” ([11:48, 11:52])
  • Abner (skeptical): “Now, don’t you go making me no partner in something till I find out what it is… I ain’t going into nothing that I don’t know about.” ([12:00])
  • Lum (playful): “You got both arms broke there—this ain’t no time for you to be arguing back about nothing.” ([12:13–12:15])
• The episode ends with anticipation about this mysterious business move, and whether Abner’s predicament will be discovered.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You know less about this accident to have been in it than anybody I ever saw, haven’t you?”
  —Dick Huddleston ([04:46])

• “Man get up your age, he generally awful slow about mending—facts is I doubt where you ever get over it.”
  —Grandpappy ([07:29])

• “We oughta learn enough not to try it again, I’m fearing.”
  —Abner ([10:05])

• “You got both arms broke there—this ain’t no time for you to be arguing back about nothing.”
  —Lum ([12:13–12:15])

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [03:19] — Dick Huddleston questions Abner about the accident
• [06:16] — Grandpappy arrives, escalates the situation
• [09:48] — Lum returns and reaffirms the plan is “working”
• [10:03] — Reflection on the last (failed) fake injury
• [11:25] — Offer of groceries on credit
• [11:43] — Lum announces a “new business” to solve their problems

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Episode Tone & Style

The episode brims with dry, small-town humor, gentle ribbing, and farcical misunderstandings. The cast’s comedic timing—especially as they strain to maintain the outlandish story—carries the plot. There’s a sense of affection and exasperation among the friends, all delivered in an amiable, down-home style. The heart of the episode lies in Lum and Abner’s bumbling camaraderie and their creative, though questionable, solutions to life’s problems.

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For fans of old-time radio comedy, this episode delivers witty banter, homespun mischief, and a classic “caught in a lie” setup—all with plenty of charm.

Transcript

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[Lum]

Howdy everybody. Here we are all ready to take you down the Pine Ridge for another visit with Lum and Abner, brought to you by the makers of Horlicks, the original malted milk. With many parts of the country suffering from changeable weather, it is especially important to be on guard against colds and illness at this time. Consult your doctor at the first sign of a cold or sore throat. Don't run the risk of complications which may develop from lack of proper medical attention. One visit to your doctor may save you weeks of unnecessary suffering. People who are convalescing from colds or more serious illnesses will find Horlick's Malted Milk just the sort of nourishing, easily digested food drink that will aid recovery. It will not upset or cause distress to a delicate or impaired system. Horlicks is refreshing, invigorating. Its delicious, rich flavor is one that the convalescent will not grow tired of, no matter how regularly Horlicks is included in the diet. Horlick's Malted Milk is self contained. Mixed with water alone, it's a nourishing, sustaining food drink. It isn't necessary to add any flavoring or even milk unless desired. You can get Horlicks, you know, either natural or chocolate flavor at your druggist's. And now let's get ready for Lum and Abner. Well, Abner has certainly been having domestic troubles at home. In fact, since his wife, Elizabeth returned from her visit in Texas, she has refused to let him come in the house. Well, yesterday Lum devised a scheme to arouse her sympathy. After bandaging Abner in splints, he called Elizabeth and told her that Abner had been run over by an automobile and had broken both arms. The plan worked. Abner was received at home with open arms and has satisfactorily explained their misunderstanding. As we look in on our old friends today, we find Abner propped up in bed, both arms in splints and bandages, explaining to Dick Huddleston how the accident happened Listen.

[Dick Huddleston]

Well, I didn't hear a thing about it till this morning. What time did it happen, Abner?

[Abner]

Huh? Oh, yesterday.

[Dick Huddleston]

Yesterday, I know, but what time yesterday?

[Abner]

Oh, let's see. Long, late in the afternoon, I believe it was.

[Dick Huddleston]

Whose car was it? Who hit you?

[Abner]

Why, I don't know who it was.

[Dick Huddleston]

Well, didn't you see the car?

[Abner]

Yeah, I reckon I did, but I don't recollect it.

[Dick Huddleston]

You don't know what kind of a car it was? No, no. Why, you know every car in Pine Ridge, Abner. It must have been an out of town car.

[Abner]

Yeah. Yeah, that's must have been an out of town car.

[Dick Huddleston]

Well, how'd it happen, Abner? How come him to hit you?

[Abner]

How come? Who'd have hit me?

[Dick Huddleston]

Why, the fellow that ran over you.

[Abner]

Oh, why? Well, me and mom was in the store there and.

[Dick Huddleston]

In the store. Well, how could a car hit you and you're in a store?

[Abner]

No, no, wait a minute. That's wrong. Yeah, I must have been out in front. Yeah, that's it.

[Dick Huddleston]

Yeah. More than likely it started across the street, hadn't it?

[Abner]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's what I done.

[Lum]

Cross the street.

[Abner]

Yeah.

[Dick Huddleston]

Well, then the driver blew his horn to let you know he's coming.

[Abner]

Let me see now.

[Dick Huddleston]

He surely did.

[Abner]

Yeah, he must have. Then what happened, Dick?

[Dick Huddleston]

I don't know. That's what I'm trying to find out. Oh, sure.

[Abner]

Yeah, that's right. Sure.

[Dick Huddleston]

You know less about this accident to have been in it than anybody I ever saw, haven't you?

[Abner]

Yeah, I do, don't. I don't recollect much about it.

[Dick Huddleston]

Maybe that lick you got there on the head sort of affected your memory some way.

[Abner]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Yeah, that Vic, I got there on my head.

[Dick Huddleston]

That's what done it sore. Well, didn't the fellow stop? Who? Why, that fellow that hit you. Oh.

[Abner]

Oh, the fellow with the car. Yeah. Let me see. Vic, I wish you would ask me so many questions. Doc Mellor said it ain't good for.

[Dick Huddleston]

Me to talk too much. Oh, sure. Yeah. Excuse me. Sure. I never thought about that. I just interested, you know, in hearing all about it.

[Abner]

Well, that's all right. I never thought of it neither till just now.

[Dick Huddleston]

I just wanted to get all the particulars, you know.

[Abner]

Well, you ask lam about it, he knows all about it. The fact is, he's the one that thought her. Well, he's the one that's seen it.

[Dick Huddleston]

Well, then lama look after things all right. Well, Abner, I sure hate to See, you laid up this way, but accidents will happen, looks like.

[Abner]

Yes, they will. Looks like.

[Dick Huddleston]

By the way, Abner, are you protected by insurance?

[Grandpappy]

Am I what?

[Dick Huddleston]

Are you protected by insurance?

[Abner]

Well, now, he can just fix his car up the best way he can.

[Dick Huddleston]

I mean, have you got any accident insurance on yourself?

[Abner]

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, I got an accident policy all right.

[Dick Huddleston]

Well, now, that's good. I'm glad to hear that. Times like this is one that fella appreciates having them, ain't it?

[Abner]

Yeah, reckon so.

[Dick Huddleston]

You may be laid up here quite a little while, Edna.

[Grandpappy]

You can't tell how bad those things are.

[Abner]

Well, that sounds like Grandpappy's spirit out.

[Grandpappy]

There in a hall.

[Abner]

Well, come in, Grandpap. I thought I heard you. Howdy, Abner.

[Grandpappy]

Hiya. See you've got company. Howdy, Richard.

[Dick Huddleston]

How you, Grandpap?

[Grandpappy]

Oh, just Peardy the Cat Bird and Abner. They tell me they like to got you yesterday.

[Abner]

Yeah, I had a close call, I reckon, Grandpap.

[Dick Huddleston]

Awful close.

[Abner]

Here, go yourself up a rocker, Lance. Hey, yeah, yeah.

[Grandpappy]

Get out of there.

[Abner]

Gettin them hairs all in.

[Dick Huddleston]

Well, Abner, I expect I better be getting on back down the store.

[Grandpappy]

Sit still, Richard. I'll be goin directly myself. Can't stay but just a minute. Just thought I'd scrap over and sort of cheer Abner up a little.

[Abner]

Why, sure. Sit down, Dick. You ain't got nothing to do nowhere.

[Grandpappy]

Well, Abner, you look like you've been in a wreck all right.

[Abner]

Yeah.

[Grandpappy]

You don't look natural all bandaged up anyway.

[Abner]

No, I reckon not.

[Grandpappy]

Tell me it broke both your arms.

[Abner]

Yeah. Yeah, broke them both, Grandpa.

[Grandpappy]

Well, I do know like your arms broke above or below your elbow.

[Abner]

Well, which doesn't look like to you.

[Grandpappy]

Well, of course, just offhand, it looks like it broke below the elbow, I'd say, the way them splinches put on there.

[Abner]

Yeah. Well, you're just right. You sure are. You oughta been a doctor, Grandpad.

[Grandpappy]

That's awful bad, Abner. Man get up your age, he generally awful slow about mending facts. Is I doubt where you ever get over it.

[Dick Huddleston]

Oh, why, he'll be up and around in no time at all, Harley.

[Grandpappy]

Grandpap, I don't know. Now, Richard, old man, that a way bones don't get like they ought to.

[Abner]

What d' you mean, old man?

[Grandpappy]

I know when old Uncle Mac Rawlins, whenever he fell out of his barn law over there, he laid that home there for months flat of his back till he passed on.

[Dick Huddleston]

Well, now, Grandpap, you oughtn't to be scaring Abner, that way. It's bad enough as it is.

[Grandpappy]

Well, I don't aim to scare you, Abner. Now, I hope you do get over it, but I. I just sayin. I've got my doubts. Got my doubts. Wouldn't scratin me none if you never use them arms again.

[Abner]

Yeah, well, you ain't scaring me none, Grandpap. Be up around again before you know it.

[Dick Huddleston]

At the time, Abner, that's the way to talk.

[Grandpappy]

Well, Abner, tell me about it. Tell me about it. How did it all happen? Who hit you and all that?

[Dick Huddleston]

Grandpapa Doc Miller told Abner not to be talking too much.

[Abner]

Oh, well. Well, now, it's all right for me to talk, but just makes me feel worse to answer questions about the accident.

[Dick Huddleston]

Why, sure it does, Abner. Best thing to do. Just keep it off your mind. Forget about it.

[Grandpappy]

Yeah, it must be terrible to think about it.

[Abner]

Yeah, must be awful bad. Awful, awful bad.

[Grandpappy]

I wouldn't take it too hard, Abner. Body can't live forever, you know.

[Dick Huddleston]

Something by the door there, I think. Abner.

[Abner]

Yeah, come in, come in.

[Lum]

Well, Abner, she's a working it. Well, howdy, fellers.

[Dick Huddleston]

Howdy, Lump.

[Grandpappy]

Yeah, howdy, Lum.

[Abner]

Come in, mom. Come in.

[Lum]

Say hello. Thank you.

[Grandpappy]

You're looking better today, Abner.

[Lum]

Glad to see you, man.

[Dick Huddleston]

Don't be shaking hands with him there. You'll hurt his arm.

[Lum]

Oh, excuse me, Abner. I forgot.

[Abner]

Well, I did too.

[Grandpappy]

Here, I'm take my share. I've got to be going anyhow. Well, Richard, if you're ready, I believe I better get on back to the place.

[Dick Huddleston]

Yeah, I've got to go to grandpap. But Lum's here. He can keep adding her company.

[Lum]

Don't let me rush you, feller. Golf now.

[Dick Huddleston]

Well, we fixing to go anyway.

[Grandpappy]

L. Abner, if there's anything you're needing now, just call on us. Any setting up or anything like that.

[Dick Huddleston]

Yeah, too, Abner.

[Abner]

Well, thank you, man. I glad you come over. Come back again.

[Grandpappy]

Yeah, we will. You come. Oh, that's right. You can't.

[Abner]

I hope you get to feel better.

[Dick Huddleston]

Edner.

[Grandpappy]

You want me to let old lead in?

[Abner]

No. Keep that dog out of here. He lays out there in a hall right in the way and tries to get in. Every time you open the door, I'm going to run him off the face. He gonna quit laying out there.

[Lum]

Well, Abner, it's a working, ain't it?

[Abner]

Yeah, so far, Ted.

[Lum]

So far.

[Grandpappy]

I'm still sort of dubious about it, though.

[Abner]

You know, the Last time we tried this, when we made out like my leg was broke, well, it never worked out so well.

[Lum]

Oh, well, we learned a lot that time.

[Abner]

Yeah. We oughta learn enough not to try it again. I'm fearing.

[Lum]

Well, now, you just leave everything to me, Abner. I'll handle this. All right. I hope so. Elizabeth's already in a Good Humor with you. I can tell that. I heard her singing back there in the kitchen when I come in just now. Just singing?

[Abner]

Yeah. Well, so far, she appears to be.

[Grandpappy]

Just happy to do it.

[Abner]

Mama been waiting on me hand and foot. Just can't do enough fer me, looks like.

[Lum]

Well, I told her yes, dear, whenever we carried you over here. She better humor you all she could.

[Abner]

She did?

[Lum]

Yeah. You can thank me for all this.

[Abner]

Tension you're in now. That wasn't a good idea, for she sure been looking after me. Just been standing right here by my side, doing everything, asking me if I'm.

[Grandpappy]

Comfort and all that.

[Abner]

Want to know if I want any more pillars popped behind my head or anything.

[Dick Huddleston]

Well, that is fine.

[Grandpappy]

I know within reason.

[Lum]

If I just set my head to do it, I could figure out a.

[Grandpappy]

Way to get Elizabeth back into Good.

[Lum]

Humor with you all.

[Abner]

Yeah, well, the only thing that's bothering me now, long with these arms broke, why, I'm gonna be laid up here.

[Dick Huddleston]

For a long time.

[Abner]

It takes them bones a long time to knit, you know.

[Lum]

Them arms ain't broke, huh?

[Abner]

No way. No. But I got to make out like they are. And I've got to get out here.

[Grandpappy]

And make some money somewhere or other.

[Abner]

We ain't got nothing to eat in the house, nothing to bite with.

[Dick Huddleston]

Course, Dick Hudderson has offered to let us have groceries on the credit.

[Abner]

But now I just ain't going on imposing on him that way when I ain't got no ideas when I can pay it back. No, I was in the store business myself too long. I know just how Dick feels about it. And there ain't going to be no money coming in off in our matrimonial business for a while yet.

[Grandpappy]

Well, it looks like it's a good.

[Lum]

Thing that feller called me up then.

[Abner]

What feller?

[Lum]

That's just what I come over to.

[Dick Huddleston]

Tell you about, huh?

[Lum]

Abner, me and you has went into another business.

[Abner]

Another business?

[Dick Huddleston]

Yeah.

[Lum]

Our finance worries is over.

[Abner]

Well, what kind of business?

[Lum]

I ain't telling you a thing about it till I get the whole deal signed up. But you're a half partner in it.

[Abner]

Half? Well, I hear now long now, don't you go making me no partner in something till I find out what it is. You got me in enough trouble when I know what I was doing. I ain't going into nothing that I don't know about.

[Lum]

You don't be telling me what you're.

[Grandpappy]

Gonna do and what you ain't recollect.

[Lum]

You got both arms broke there.

[Grandpappy]

This ain't no time for you to.

[Lum]

Be arguing back about nothing, Granny.

[Grandpappy]

As I said, we're going into a new business, and we're going into it.

[Lum]

Well, Abner seems to be a partner in this new business of Lums, whether he likes it or not. Ladies and gentlemen, nothing is more important in keeping good health and maintaining a high resistance to sickness than is plenty of good, sound sleep. That's something we all need to get our share of. Now, a lot of people are troubled with what we call sleeplessness. They can't get to sleep easily at night. As a result, they don't get a full night's rest, only a part of it. Now, those people need more sleep than they are getting. There's something that will help them to get it, too. A cup of Horlicks Hot just before they go to bed. A cup of Horlicks just before you retire relaxes you, soothes you, helps you to sleep soundly and unbrokenly. Horlicks is an easily digested food. Experiments have proved that it will help you to sleep more restfully. Than if you had gone to bed with an empty stomach. Drink a cup of Horlick's Hot just before you go to bed tonight. You'll find that sleep will come much easier, much quicker. You can get Horlick's malted milk, you know. Either natural or chocolate flavor at your druggist. This is Carlton Brickert speaking for Lum and Abner and Horlick, who bid you all good night and good health.

[Grandpappy]

Sam, it.