Lum and Abner 35-02-06 (0038) Election for President

Summary

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Lum and Abner 35-02-06 (0038): "Election for President"

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Date: January 28, 2026 (originally aired February 6, 1935)
Setting: Small-town America, Jot Em Down Store, Pine Ridge
Main Characters: Lum Edwards, Abner Peabody
Sponsor: Horlick's Malted Milk

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Overview

This classic episode of Lum and Abner centers on a humorous rivalry between the two title characters—Lum and Abner—over who should be president of the soon-to-reopen Jot em Down Store. As they recover from a recent ruse (Abner faking a car accident for sympathy), their escalating debate about store leadership leads to a mock election involving their listeners. Friendship, small-town politics, and comic misunderstandings shine in this slice of old-time radio.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Aftermath of Abner's "Accident" ([02:54] – [04:28])

• Abner is still pretending to have both arms in a sling, unable to help at the store.

• Lum grows frustrated shouldering all the work and regrets suggesting the fake accident.

• Both agree they can't let Abner's wife, Elizabeth, find out the accident was faked—she'd be furious.

  Lum Edwards: "If I'd a knowed I was going to have to wait on you hand and foot, I never would have thought of it neither." [03:17]

2. Store Reopening and Presidential Ambitions ([04:28] – [06:17])

• Lum expects Abner to help once the store reopens.

• Abner suggests, “since my arms might not heal in time,” he could simply be president and “boss” things.

• A lighthearted debate ensues over qualifications and who has always traditionally been president.

  Lum Edwards: "I've always been president of the Jot em Down Store, and I aim to keep on being." [05:17]

3. The Seed of Democratic Election ([06:18] – [07:35])

• The rivalry heats up as both claim they deserve to be president (often in circular arguments).

• Abner accuses Lum of backing out of a previous bet about reading flashlights order letters.

• Friendly jabs are exchanged about whose announcements generated more customer engagement.

  Abner Peabody: "If you're gonna ask the questions and give the answers both. Well, I ain't got a chance. That ain't no way to have an argument." [05:34]

4. The Democratic Solution—Let the Listeners Decide! ([07:36] – [09:16])

• They agree to resolve the issue fairly: listeners who mail in for a Horlick’s flashlight can vote for Lum or Abner as president.

• Each wrapper sent in will count as a vote; whoever gets the most is elected.

• Both are determined to campaign but agree (after Lum’s insistence) to keep it a friendly, mudslinging-free contest.

  Lum Edwards: "We ain't going to have none of that going on at night. And we'll just fling it to them and let them decide themselves which one of us they want to vote for. Ain't gonna have no mud slinging in this campaign." [08:38]

5. On-Air Announcements and Comedic Campaigning ([09:17] – [10:18])

• Lum and Abner announce their contest over the party line for all listeners—each promoting themselves (and, comically, competing to get the last word in).

• Abner appeals to sympathy by mentioning his (fake) broken arms.

  Abner Peabody: "And don't forget that I got both arms broke. I'm pitiful. Goodbye." [10:00]

• Lum warns Abner not to play on listeners' sympathies again or he’ll escalate his campaign.

6. Escalating Consequences—Elizabeth's Discovery ([10:19] – [11:48])

• A phone call from Elizabeth reveals she has found Abner's accident policy and put in a claim for his (fake) injuries.

• Lum and the narrator warn that this could backfire dangerously—Elizabeth's wrath will be worse than any insurance fraud consequences.

  Abner Peabody: "Elizabeth has found that accident policy of mine over at the house, Lum, and she's put in a claim for me having both my arms broke." [11:27]

  Lum Edwards: "Tell her that your arms ain't broke... They can get you for obtaining money under false pretenses." [11:34]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Leadership Claims:
  Lum: "What do you know about being president? Nothing. How much experience have you had? None." [05:26]
• On Campaigning:
  Abner (sympathy plea): "I got both arms broke. I'm pitiful." [10:00]
  Lum: "If I catch you pulling a stunt like that again, I'll pitch you to where you can call them up and tell them you got your neck broke, too." [10:05]
• On Insurance Trouble:
  Lum: "Tell her that your arms ain't broke... They can get you for obtaining money under false pretenses." [11:34]
  Abner: "Yeah, but Elizabeth will get me for something a whole lot worse than that if she finds out that my arms show nothing broke." [11:40]

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [02:54] – Show’s comedic plot launches: Lum and Abner at the empty store, Abner “incapacitated.”
• [04:28] – The "presidency" debate begins.
• [06:18] – Decisions on who truly contributes to the store.
• [07:36] – Listeners get involved: the “election” is announced.
• [09:34] – Fun, in-character on-air pitches to listeners to “vote.”
• [11:12] – Elizabeth’s call and Abner’s panic about insurance fraud.

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Tone and Entertainment Value

The episode brims with the warm, good-natured banter characteristic of Lum and Abner. Their competitive yet affectionate ribbing highlights small-town sensibilities: friendship, gentle one-upmanship, and comic misunderstandings. The interaction with listeners and the satirical take on elections bring a relatable, all-ages charm, while the looming threat of Elizabeth’s wrath keeps the stakes light but engaging.

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Summary

This episode combines an ongoing running gag (Abner’s fake injuries) with a mock-serious election plot, allowing listeners not only to enjoy the duo’s comedic chemistry but to influence the story through product tie-in voting. Their campaign is full of slapstick appeals, sincere claims, and comic threats. The episode ends on a cliffhanger—as Elizabeth threatens to expose it all—setting the stage for further shenanigans in Pine Ridge.

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Transcript

[Narrator/Announcer]

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Sam. Howdy everybody. Here we are, all ready to take you down to Pine Ridge for another visit with Lum and Abner, brought to you by the makers of Horlicks, the original. All you boys and girls who are listening ought to send in for one of those flashlights that Lum and Abner are sending out to all users of Horlick's Malted Milk. Just think what a lot of fun you could have with this flashlight. I know that dad and Mother will be glad to send in for one for you to get one of these shiny aluminum flashlights complete with bulb and batteries. Here's all you have to do. Send in the wrapper from a package of Horlick's Malted milk powder. Remember now, boys and girls, must be a wrapper from a package, any size package of Horlick's Malted milk powder. You can't use wrappers from packages of Horlick tablets. Well, write your name and address on the back of that wrapper and send it along with 10 cent to pay for packing and mailing your flashlight to Lum and Abner, care of the station to which you are listening. You got that? Then Lum and Abner will send you one of these handsome and powerful flashlights, complete with bulb and battery. Ask dad and Mother to send in for your flashlight right away tonight before they forget it. You can get Horlick's malted milk powder, either natural or chocolate flavor at your druggist if you don't already have a package in the house. And now let's see what's happening down in Pine Ridge. When Lum conceived the idea of having Abner pretend that he'd been in an automobile accident to gain his wife's sympathy and get him back in good graces at home. Little did he realize that he would have to do the work for both of them at the office. As we look in on Pine Ridge today, we find the old fellows down at the empty store building. Lum is busy going through today's mail while Abner looks on.

[Abner Peabody]

Listen, I wish I Could help you there, Lum, but I can't do nothing with these arms in a slang this way.

[Lum Edwards]

Yeah, of all the things we could have thought up to have wrong with you, we had to make out like your arms was broke. Yeah, I've got to do all the work and you just sit around and take things easy.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, now, it was your idea. You was the one that had the idea for me to make out like I'd been hit by automobile.

[Lum Edwards]

Well, if I'd a knowed I was going to have to wait on you hand and foot, I never would have thought of it neither.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, ain't no use to argue about it now. We done told Elizabeth that they broke and we got to keep on making out like that. Yeah, if she ever wants to find out that we just made that story up, why, there ain't no telling what she would do. Whip us both, that's about what she'd do.

[Lum Edwards]

Yeah, maybe you better keep your arms in a sling for a while yet, anyway.

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah, sure.

[Lum Edwards]

See, I just figured at the time, if we made our life your serious herd, Elizabeth would get the feeling so sorrowful for you she'd make up with.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, she did.

[Abner Peabody]

She did hit work, all right.

[Lum Edwards]

Yeah, I know, but I never stopped to think that it'd take three or four weeks for your arms to get well.

[Abner Peabody]

No. Well, I never needed.

[Lum Edwards]

She'd be mad enough to bite if she knowed we'd been fooling her, wouldn't she?

[Abner Peabody]

Oh, me? Well, of course she'd be mad over that, all right. But if she know that she'd been waiting on me, feeding me and all that, and me just laying up there in bed when there weren't nothing wrong with me, she'd just about pull that house down right on top of it.

[Lum Edwards]

Well, I can tend to the matrimonial business and sending out these flashlights.

[Narrator/Announcer]

All right.

[Lum Edwards]

But Granny's. I want you to have them bandages off your arms every the time we get the store opened up. I ain't gonna wait on all the customers by myself, I can tell you that right now.

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah, well, I was just thinking last night, mom, if they don't get well by the time we open up the store, maybe I could just be the pragmatist. And all I'd have to do, just sit around sort of Boston be the president. Yeah, I could be the president of our new store, you know, even if my arms was still broke.

[Lum Edwards]

Abner, have we got to have another argument about who's going to be the president?

[Abner Peabody]

Well, no, I don't know. We have to have an argument.

[Lum Edwards]

Well, good. I'm glad to hear it.

[Abner Peabody]

All we got to do is just decide right now that I'm going to be it. And then we get ready to open up for business. Why, it'll all be settled.

[Lum Edwards]

You've got it all figured out, have you?

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah. Yeah, I thought that up over at the house last night.

[Lum Edwards]

Well, you better go on back over to your house and do some more thinking for you. Ain't got it right yet.

[Abner Peabody]

I ain't.

[Lum Edwards]

I've always been president of the Jot em Down Store, and I aim to keep on being.

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah, well, that's just the reason that I'm gonna be at this time, too. Cause you've always been here.

[Lum Edwards]

What do you know about being president? Nothing. How much experience have you had? None. Who's the best qualified for the office?

[Narrator/Announcer]

I am.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, here, wait a minute. If you're gonna ask the questions and give the answers both. Well, I ain't got a chance. That ain't no way to have an argument.

[Lum Edwards]

I ain't trying to have no argument. I'm just telling you so you won't be disappointed. You may as well get that idea out of your head right now. I'll be the president.

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah, you may be the president, but I ain't gonna get the idea out of my head. I'll tell you that right now. I guess I got all to say so about that.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Lum Edwards]

Best thing to do is just let it go for right now. When the time comes, I know you'll see the light.

[Abner Peabody]

See the light?

[Lum Edwards]

Yeah. You'll have time to think it over careful and forget yourself and think of the good of the Jot em Down Store. Yeah, Well, I went through all this mail here. Now we've got 256 letters here wanting flashlights.

[Abner Peabody]

256?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, sir.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, I just been waiting till you got all through sorting them up.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Waiting?

[Abner Peabody]

Get busy eating them. Esther, you said yes to it. You'd eat every letter that them friends of mine sent in. I want to see you do it.

[Lum Edwards]

Well, here. It ain't no way of telling whether these letters come from that announcement you made yesterday or the one I made the day before. I ain't gonna eat them. Listen, they stay on there that they wrote in. Cause they heard you talking on the party line.

[Abner Peabody]

Oh, just backing out on your word, huh?

[Lum Edwards]

I know I ain't a backing out. I knowed you wouldn't get no letters. Abner, that speech you give yesterday more likely kept more folks from riding in Than anything else.

[Abner Peabody]

Backing out. That's what you're doing, just backing out.

[Lum Edwards]

Why, they never even mentioned your name in the letters. Not one of them.

[Abner Peabody]

Or did they say they heard your announcement?

[Lum Edwards]

Well, no, they never come right out and said so. But I know in reasons that's how come of right in.

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah, and after you'd claim it. Now I wish they'd have put on that whatchin they hearin if I wouldn't make you read a flock of them. My name ain't Peabody.

[Lum Edwards]

You think all these folks rode in just cause they had your announcement on the party line?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, sir.

[Lum Edwards]

Most of them sworn to goodness. Abner, you sure got a good opinion of yourself. I'll say that. Hear your tell of it. You ought to make all announcements.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, that ain't a bad idea. We get a heap more orders for them flashlights, I'll say that.

[Lum Edwards]

All right, if you think you're so smart, I'll tell you what I'll do just to show you which one of us is the best at. Out loud, Toky.

[Abner Peabody]

What's that?

[Lum Edwards]

Well, you was complaining about wanting to be president of the jot em down store when we get it opened up.

[Abner Peabody]

Oh, yeah? You gonna let me be it?

[Lum Edwards]

No, no, wait a minute now. We'll just leave it up to our friends to see who's gonna be it.

[Abner Peabody]

Our friends?

[Lum Edwards]

Yes, sir. Just let them decide which one of us ought to be president. Just make an announcement over the party line and tell them when they send in a romper for one of these flashlights just to write on the back of it which one of us they want to be president. If they want you, they can write Abner. Yeah, if they want me, they write lum across it. Then we'll let each one of them robbers count as a vote and. And the one of us that gets the most of them is elected to the office.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, that's fair.

[Lum Edwards]

Why, of course it's fair.

[Abner Peabody]

That's just fair enough. I'll just take you up on that property.

[Lum Edwards]

All right. I'll just make announcement over the party line right now. Then tell everybody about it.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, here, wait a minute. How about me making the announcement?

[Lum Edwards]

Well, all right. We'll both make it in. Yeah, I'll get them on the party line.

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah, I want to be sure and remind them to vote for me.

[Lum Edwards]

Now, wait a minute. We ain't going to have none of that going on at night. And we'll just fling it to them and let them decide themselves which one of us they want to vote for. Ain't gonna have no mud slinging in this campaign.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Huh?

[Lum Edwards]

I say we ain't gonna have no mud slingin. Ain't gonna throw mud at one another.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, whatever give you the idea I want to throw mud on you anyway?

[Lum Edwards]

For goodness sake, I never said nothing about throwing mud on me. I said we're not gonna throw mud at one another.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, how we gonna throw it at one another without getting some of it on us? We ain't gonna miss every time. I know that I can say I.

[Lum Edwards]

Ain'T talking about real mud, Abner.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, I never seen no other kind.

[Lum Edwards]

Mud's mud. That's what I mean, Abner. We don't. Wait a minute.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Wait a minute, folks.

[Lum Edwards]

Who's listening about. Hello, this is Lum Edwards talking and Abner Peabody. I just wanted to tell all you folks out there on the party line that me and Abner is having a sort of a contest to see which one of us is going to be president of the jot em down store when we get it opened up.

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah, vote for me.

[Lum Edwards]

Wait a minute, Abner. When you send in for one of these flashlights we're giving away, be sure and write on the back of the romper which one of us you want for president.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Me.

[Lum Edwards]

If you want me, why write Lum. And if you want Abner, write. Well, write Abner.

[Abner Peabody]

But if you want me, write Lum Peabody for president. Vote for Abel Abner.

[Lum Edwards]

Recollect, we're leaving it up to you folks out on the party line to decide which one of us gets the office. We just leave it to your good judgment to see that I get elected.

[Abner Peabody]

And don't forget that I got both arms broke. I'm pitiful. Goodbye.

[Lum Edwards]

Well, for goodness sake, peel into their sympathies. If I catch you pulling a stunt like that again, I'll pitch you to where you can call them up and tell them you got your neck broke, too.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, I just want to get all the votes that I could.

[Lum Edwards]

Yeah, you store into them when you're done.

[Narrator/Announcer]

It too, huh?

[Lum Edwards]

Your arms ain't broke and you know it.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Wallet.

[Abner Peabody]

Oh, no, that's right. I forgot about that.

[Lum Edwards]

If you're going to start running things that a way, I'll get out here and get me a campaign slogan and go into this thing. Life.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, I just thought we wanted to get all the votes we could for it.

[Lum Edwards]

That's all right. I'm going to get out tomorrow and stump speech the county and I'll get.

[Abner Peabody]

Out and stump speech the county, too.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Then.

[Abner Peabody]

That's just what I ought to be.

[Lum Edwards]

A good campaign slogan.

[Abner Peabody]

Let's see. Abel Abner, the people's careless protector. I don't get it. I know that. That's what I do. That's my old constable's.

[Lum Edwards]

Wait a minute, wait a minute. There's Irene.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Huh?

[Lum Edwards]

But if somebody calling up right now tell me they're going to vote for me.

[Abner Peabody]

If it is, I'll cut them more.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Hello? Huh?

[Lum Edwards]

Oh, yeah, yeah, he's here. Just a minute, will you miss Laser bed. It's your woman.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Haven't you.

[Abner Peabody]

Oh, you'll have to hold the receiver up to my ear now.

[Lum Edwards]

Oh, for goodness sake.

[Abner Peabody]

Hello? Oh, I'm feeling all right. You done what? Oh, my goodness. I wouldn't have did that, Elizabeth. Yeah, but I just wouldn't have did it. Oh my goodness. My dear.

[Lum Edwards]

What's the matter? What's the matter?

[Abner Peabody]

Why, Elizabeth has found that accident policy of mine over at the house, Lum, and she's put in a claim for me having both my arms broke.

[Lum Edwards]

Oh, well, tell her not to do that, Abner. Tell her that your arms ain't broke.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Tell her the truth about it.

[Lum Edwards]

They can get you for obtaining money under false pretenses.

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah, but Elizabeth will get me for something a whole lot worse than that if she finds out that my arms show nothing broke.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, Abner will be pitiful if his wife finds out that that accident was a fake. And it looks too as if there's a difference of opinion between Lum and Abner as to which one of them is best qualified to be president of the Jot em Down store. I'll bet Abner has a lot more friends than Lum thinks he has. Cast your vote in this contest and at the same time get one of these handy little pocket sized flashlights complete with bulb and battery. It's a really useful article, folks. A 75 cent value for that's what it would cost you if you bought it in a store. But all you have to do is send in the wrapper from any size package of Horlick's malted milk powder. Must be Horlick Malted milk powder Wrappers from packages of Horlick's tablets are not eligible. Write your name and address on the back of this wrapper and mail it, enclosing $0.10 to cover the cost of packing and mailing your flashlight to Lum and Abner. Take care of the station to which you are listening and send in your request. Right away, folks. Do it tonight. Lum and Abner want to hear from their friends as soon as possible. This is Carlton Brickert speaking for Lum and Abner and the Horlick, who now bid you all good night and good health. It.