Lum and Abner 35-03-07 (0059) Abner's Decrepit Horse

Summary

Podcast Summary: Lum and Abner 35-03-07 (0059) Abner's Decrepit Horse

Podcast Information:

• Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Host/Author: Harolds Old Time Radio
• Episode: Lum and Abner 35-03-07 (0059) Abner's Decrepit Horse
• Release Date: June 19, 2025

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Introduction: A New Chapter for Lum and Abner

In this episode of "Lum and Abner", listeners are transported to the quaint town of Pine Ridge, where Abner Peabody and his old friend Lum Edwards have parted ways professionally. Following the dissolution of their partnership and the division of the Jotam Downstorm stock, both operate separate stores under the same roof, fostering a competitive yet comical atmosphere.

Host's Note: "Since Lum and Abner dissolved partnership and divided the stock of the Jotam Downstorm, they have been operating two separate and independent stores under the same roof. Competition is keen and Abner has adopted a plan of swapping merchandise for anything the customer has to trade."

Abner's Swapping Strategy

Abner has embraced a unique business model centered around bartering, aiming to attract customers by accepting various goods in exchange for store merchandise. This approach is both ambitious and humorously flawed, setting the stage for the episode's central conflicts.

Encounter with Snake Hogan: The Horse Trade

The heart of the episode revolves around Abner's negotiation with Snake Hogan, a local farmer desperate to trade his prized horse due to financial hardships. The dialogue captures the humorous tension and Abner's often misguided confidence.

• [02:55] Abner Peabody: "It's a likely looking animal."
• [03:16] Abner Peabody: "Looks like I've swapped everybody out of their favorite animals for the last two days. I just hope I don't get attached to him that way."

Abner initially undervalues Snake's horse, proposing $15, only to be met with Snake's firm stance of $75.

• [05:22] Abner Peabody: "Tell you what I'll do, Snake. I'll give you 25 in trade for him."
• [05:29] Snake Hogan: "Not going to get together on a trade I had in mind when I come over here not to take a cent less than 75 for him."

The negotiation showcases Abner's struggle to balance fair trade while maintaining his bartering business.

Introducing Grandpap and the Rabbit Deal

Amidst the horse negotiations, Grandpap enters the scene with a new set of goods—rabbits—to trade. His interactions with Abner add another layer of comedic barter challenges.

• [07:03] Snake Hogan: "Hello, Grandpap."
• [09:14] Abner Peabody: "I'll give you 50 cents apiece for 20 of them and then 25 cents apiece for the rest."

Grandpap's attempt to sell 32 rabbits leads to a complex negotiation, highlighting Abner's limited understanding of fair pricing in his swapping scheme.

Cedric's Role and the Horse's Condition

Cedric, Abner's assistant, plays a pivotal role in managing the store's logistics. He informs Abner about the horse's deteriorated condition, revealing deeper issues with Snake's trade.

• [12:18] Cedric: "He couldn't get him back on his feet again."
• [12:37] Radio Announcer: [Final words before cutting to closure]

Despite Cedric's concerns, Abner proceeds to issue a receipt to Snake, indicating the horse's odd behavior of lying down and not standing back up.

Character Dynamics and Business Mishaps

Throughout the episode, the dynamic between Abner, Lum, Grandpap, and Cedric is portrayed with a blend of warmth and frustration. Abner's earnest but flawed swapping tactics often lead to humorous misunderstandings and business setbacks.

• [03:02] Snake Hogan: "He's worth a lot more than I expect to get for him, Peabody."
• [08:41] Grandpap: "It's gonna be sort of quiet around the place."

These interactions emphasize the challenges of operating a business based on bartering rather than conventional sales, reflecting the comedic essence of Lum and Abner's endeavors.

Conclusion: The Aftermath of Trades

By the episode's end, Abner successfully acquires Snake's horse for $50 worth of groceries, despite initial disagreements and the horse's problematic nature. Meanwhile, Grandpap's rabbit trade adds to the store's collection of unusual merchandise, promising more comedic adventures in future episodes.

• [06:40] Snake Hogan: "He's yours."
• [09:40] Grandpap: "Well, now you're getting in some figures there, Abner."

Abner's achievement in navigating the trades underscores his commitment to sustaining his independent store while highlighting the humorous pitfalls of his unconventional business model.

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Notable Quotes:

• Abner Peabody ([03:16]): "Looks like I've swapped everybody out of their favorite animals for the last two days. I just hope I don't get attached to him that way."
• Snake Hogan ([05:29]): "Not going to get together on a trade I had in mind when I come over here not to take a cent less than 75 for him."
• Abner Peabody ([09:39]): "Everything. Take them all."
• Cedric ([12:18]): "He couldn't get him back on his feet again."

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This episode of "Lum and Abner" masterfully combines humor with relatable business mishaps, offering listeners a delightful glimpse into the challenges of small-town entrepreneurship through engaging dialogue and charming character interactions.

Transcript

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[Radio Announcer]

Howdy, everybody. Here we are, all ready to take you down to Pine Ridge for another visit with Lum and Abner. Brought to you by the makers of Horlicks, the original malted milk. Before we hear Lum and Abner, I have a message of interest to all you light sleepers. If you don't get sufficient sound, restful sleep at night, maybe it's because you don't get enough exercise. Your body is not as tired as your mind. You've not relaxed. Now if that's the case and you can't get that extra exercise, here's a tip that'll help you. To get the sleep you need, just drink a glassful of Horlick's malted milk hot before going to bed. Horlicks relaxes and soothes you. Helps you to fall off to sleep easily and naturally. And what's even more important, Horlicks helps you sleep soundly. To be really beneficial, sleep must be continuous. And that's a good point to remember, isn't it? Try the Horlick's plan yourself tonight. Don't forget a glass full of Horlick's malted milk hot just before going to bed. You can get it at your favorite druggist in either natural or chocolate flavor. But remember, it must be Horlicks. And now let's see what's happening down in Pine Ridge. Since Lum and Abner dissolved partnership and divided the stock of the Jotam Downstorm, they have been operating two separate and independent stores under the same roof. Competition is keen and Abner has adopted a plan of swapping merchandise for anything the customer has to trade. Naturally, he's doing a big business. As we look in on Pine Ridge today, we find Abner out in front of the store. The looking over a horse that Snake Hogan has brought down to trade. Listen.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, it's a likely looking animal. All right, Snake, what'd you figure you'd have to have for him?

[Snake Hogan]

Well, he's worth a lot more than I expect to get for him, Peabody. But times have been pretty hard with me this winter and we plumb out anything to eat over there. Else I wouldn't even think of parting with him. It's gonna be just like partin with one of the family, you know.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, sir, that's what everybody said. That's brung. Anything down here to swap me sn all hate to part with them. Looks like I've swapped everybody out of their favorite animals for the last two days. I just hope I don't get attached to him that way.

[Snake Hogan]

Well, make me some kind of an offer on him.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, I don't know, Snake. Looks like he ought to be worth $15.

[Snake Hogan]

$15? Come on here, Frank.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, hold on now. Wait a minute now, Snake. Now, here. Don't go leading him off yet. I just said he looked like he ought to be worth that much. I never said that I wouldn't give more.

[Snake Hogan]

You just ain't looked this horse over good, Peabody.

[Abner Peabody]

Maybe not.

[Snake Hogan]

Look how broad he is through the chest there.

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah.

[Snake Hogan]

Stands on the ground there as square as the legs on a cook stove.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, he looks a little weak there in his hind quarters, though. Looks like he might have a little trouble getting up again. He gets down.

[Snake Hogan]

Well, he's a little gad, all right, but I just ain't had the money to feed him this winter like or two. No young horse. That a way everybody poured the feed to him, he'd fill right out.

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah. Now, let me look at his teeth. He don't look like no cold.

[Snake Hogan]

I wouldn't try to open his mouth there, Abner. No, I wouldn't do that. He's awful bad about biting. Liable to take an arm right off of you.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, Lo, I can't tell nothing about a horse standing off this way looking at him. He told me not to get around his hind quarters on account of him being so bad about kicking. Now you tell me not to open his mouth. Cause he might bite. I don't know where I'd want that critter on the place or not.

[Snake Hogan]

Oh, well, he's gentle, all right. Docile as a kitten, that animal is. Them children of mine plays with him all the time. He won't bother nobody.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, I hate to have a young un mine playing around him. Liable to get that up. How does a body go about putting a bridle on him? Feel bad about biting That a way.

[Snake Hogan]

Oh, well, he don't mind a body getting around his head or putting a bridle on him. Tall, but he just won't stand for nobody to open his mouth to look at his teeth. Funniest horse about that I ever seen.

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah, that's just strange. Yeah. How old did you say he was, a snake?

[Snake Hogan]

Well, I don't know for sure, Peabody, but I don't believe. I don't believe he's past five.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, tell you what I'll do, Snake. I'll give you 25 in trade for him.

[Snake Hogan]

Well, Peabody, looks like to me that we ain't going to get together on a trade I had in mind when I come over here not to take a cent less than 75 for him.

[Abner Peabody]

75?

[Snake Hogan]

Yeah.

[Grandpap]

Dogged.

[Abner Peabody]

I reckon he's a better horse than I thought he was.

[Snake Hogan]

Why, sure. This is a blooded stock. This horse is a thoroughbred.

[Abner Peabody]

Thoroughbred what?

[Snake Hogan]

Well, I don't know the different kinds of horses he is, but I know he's full blood something.

[Abner Peabody]

Aha.

[Snake Hogan]

Tell you what I might do, Peabody, and I'll more than likely hate myself for doing it. I ain't got no use for this horse, and I do need the groceries. Let's see. How might I make you a present of him?

[Abner Peabody]

Well, I hear. I don't want you to do that now. I don't want you to just give him to me.

[Snake Hogan]

Just thinking. I'll let you have him for $50 in trade there in the store. But that's my bottom price.

[Abner Peabody]

You wouldn't take $40 for him, huh?

[Snake Hogan]

Well, I. I don't think so.

[Abner Peabody]

How about 45?

[Snake Hogan]

45, huh?

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah.

[Snake Hogan]

You're talking about the best groceries you got there in the storage.

[Abner Peabody]

Oh, yeah. Anything I got in there. Lord, you can pick them out yourself. I don't care.

[Snake Hogan]

Well, I oughtn't to take that for him.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, if 50 the best you do, I reckon I'll take him all right.

[Snake Hogan]

He's yours.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, good. Just lead him on around there back to the store, Snake, and turn him loose in that lot there. Then come on in the store and just pick out what you want. I'm a pretty close trader, ain't I?

[Snake Hogan]

Yes, you are, Peabody. You oughta been a horse trader.

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah. Well, howdy, Grandpap. What you got there?

[Grandpap]

These are them rabbits I was telling you about yesterday. Howdy, Snake.

[Snake Hogan]

Hello, Grandpap.

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah, just bring them on the store here, Grandpap. We'll get together on some kind of a deal.

[Grandpap]

Yeah, I want to set these things down. My arms are tired of carrying them.

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah, that's a big craze.

[Grandpap]

I ain't got them all here. Gonna have to make two or three trips.

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah, and I just now give Snake Hogan a good skin. And just now, Grandpa.

[Grandpap]

Oh, did you swap for that horse he's leading off?

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah. Yeah, he's mine now.

[Grandpap]

Yeah, Snake never kept him long, huh? Well, he just bought him this deal from them gypsies camp down there on Briar Creek.

[Abner Peabody]

Oh, no, no, Grandpap. This must be another horse. He was saying just now how bad he had to part with him on account of the family liked him so well they couldn't have got that attached to him in just one day. I know where he's talking at. Yeah.

[Grandpap]

Might not be the same animal. You wouldn't have had the one he bought off of them. No way. He never gave him a 20. I know. I believe it was $10 he gave them for him. Then he got stung.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, I do know and I reckon Snake is just a poor trader. Go ahead in, Grandpap. Well, come in, come in.

[Snake Hogan]

Right over this way. Trade on this side. Oh, there. Howdy, Grandpap.

[Abner Peabody]

Now don't start calling him over there. Me and Grandpap are doing some swapping here.

[Grandpap]

Yeah, I'm swapping after some rabbits long.

[Abner Peabody]

Just set them down there anywhere, Grandpap. I'll get Cedric to fix up that big dry goods box after a little and put them in there. Well, I do know. Look at that. Cute little feller, ain't he?

[Grandpap]

Yeah. Yes. It's going to be just like parting with members of the family to let em go.

[Abner Peabody]

Now don't start that, Grandpap. That's all I've heard. Folks around here either don't care much about their families or they think a sight more about the animals around their place than I ever allowed they did once.

[Grandpap]

Well, it's gonna be sort of quiet around the place. Now, thout these little fellers, you say.

[Abner Peabody]

This is just a part of them?

[Grandpap]

Yeah. Yeah. I've got to make two trips more, I reckon.

[Abner Peabody]

How many will they be altogether?

[Grandpap]

Well, they was 32 when I count them a while ago.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, I thought you said Yesterday there's just 20.

[Grandpap]

Well, that was yesterday. There's 32 today.

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah, but here, I bought them yesterday, Grandpap, for half a dollar apiece. That's $10.

[Grandpap]

Yeah, but they ain't delivered till today. You said you'd take all I had at 50 cents apiece.

[Abner Peabody]

And you said that you just had 20 too.

[Grandpap]

I did just have 20 yesterday, but I've got 30.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, I'll tell you what I'll do, Grandpap. I'll give you 50 cents apiece for 20 of them and then 25 cents apiece for the rest. Regardless of how many it is, take all you got and give you 50 cents for 20 and 25 for the rest of them.

[Grandpap]

25 cents apiece, huh?

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah.

[Grandpap]

Little un's in all.

[Abner Peabody]

Everything. Take them all.

[Grandpap]

Well, now you're getting in some figures there, Abner. I see. That's 20 from 32 is 12, ain't it?

[Abner Peabody]

I don't yeah, yeah.

[Grandpap]

12. That's two bits apiece. Let's see now.

[Abner Peabody]

Let me get a pencil here. This is getting complicated. All these figures. I wish. Now, I'd just give you a half a dollar straight.

[Cedric]

Mr. Abner. Mr. Abner.

[Abner Peabody]

Oh, what is it, Cedric? Can't you see I'm busy here?

[Snake Hogan]

Cedric. Don't come in here hollering that away. Waking folks up. Scare me so bad, I might not roll clean off on the counter.

[Abner Peabody]

What's the matter, Cedric? What is it you want coming in here hollering?

[Cedric]

Snake Hogan's out there with some kind of a horse. He says he wants you to give him a do bill again. The store here for $50.

[Abner Peabody]

Ah, do bill, yes.

[Cedric]

He said he wouldn't have time to get the groceries this evening. Whatever he's talking about.

[Abner Peabody]

Oh. Oh, yeah, sure. All right. Yeah, I'll give him a receipt for the horse. Let me ride it out here. Yeah.

[Cedric]

What you got there in that box, Standpack?

[Abner Peabody]

Snake hole?

[Grandpap]

Just some rabbits. I'm a swapping table.

[Cedric]

Yes, ma. Swan rabbits. I'd rather have a time with them. Bad about digging out of places. We'll have a regular zoo out there in the back before long. We got calves and chickens and dogs and turkeys and hogs and guineas.

[Abner Peabody]

Here, Cedric. Here it is. And I just take it out there to him and tell him that it's good for $50 worth of groceries anytime that he wants to come after him. I don't care when it is. Now, let's see. Grandpapa, wait a minute. That was our ranger, I reckon.

[Snake Hogan]

No, I'll answer the telephone, Abner. Just stay right away.

[Abner Peabody]

No, you don't. No, you don't.

[Snake Hogan]

Granny here. Hello? The jot em down store.

[Abner Peabody]

Hello, this is Abner Peabody talking.

[Snake Hogan]

Shut up.

[Abner Peabody]

Abner, huh?

[Snake Hogan]

Yes, mom, he's here now.

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah, Here, grandpa. If your woman wants to talk to her here, just use this phone of mine right there.

[Grandpap]

Anyway. Well, I do know. Asking what she's wanting.

[Abner Peabody]

I don't know. Ask her and see that's what she's up there for.

[Grandpap]

Hello? Yes, Charity, this is me. Oh, yes. Well, fine. Good company coming. Glad you called. I was just closing a deal with Abner. All right, I'll be home a little while. Some bacon, soda and bluin, huh?

[Abner Peabody]

Yeah, I'll just take that out when.

[Grandpap]

I try to get. All right, Goodbye. Well, abner, I got 11 more rabbits to sell you now.

[Abner Peabody]

11 more? You mean just since you left the place over our grandpap and come over.

[Cedric]

Here to Mr. Abner Snake Hogan said he'd just leave that horse out there at the side. The store for you at the side.

[Abner Peabody]

Well, why didn't he take him on around back there and put him in the lot like I told him to?

[Cedric]

Well, he couldn't. The horse laid down out there at the side of the store and he couldn't get him back on his feet again. We've been out there. Both of us have been trying it. He said not to worry, though. There weren't no danger of him running old.

[Radio Announcer]

If Abner keeps this up, he'll trade himself right out of the store business. And now, ladies and gentlemen, a final word before we leave Pine Ridge for the night. You know, a lot of us are not as careful as we should be when we go shopping. We are easily persuaded to buy something said to be just as good. Now, that's not always economy. Sometimes, of course, we get bargains, but more often than not, we simply waste money and even endanger our health. Remember that when next you buy malted milk for the sake of your family's health and your purse. Ask for Horlicks. You can be sure about Horlicks. Sure that it's pure and wholesome. And I'll tell you why. It's made from only the richest full cream milk and the finest wheat and malted barley vacuum processed to prevent loss of precious vitamins and minerals. So don't accept cheap substitutes that may be just mechanical mixtures of skim milk, inferior malt powder and a lot of plain, ordinary sugar. Now, this matter of substitution is mighty important to you and your family, so be careful. Always insist on Horlicks when you buy malted milk. You can get it at your favorite druggists. This is Carlton Brickert speaking for Lum and Abner and Horlicks, who now bid you all good night and good health.

[Abner Peabody]

Sam.

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