Lux Radio Theatre - Barnacle Bill

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Lux Radio Theatre – Barnacle Bill

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Airdate: July 7, 2026
Featured Cast: Wallace Beery, Marjorie Main, Noah Beery, Carol Ann Beery
Producer/Narrator: William Keeley

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Overview

This episode takes listeners back to the Golden Age of Radio, recreating the lively, comedic, and sentimental atmosphere of Lux Radio Theatre’s production, “Barnacle Bill.” The story is a boisterous seafaring comedy revolving around the rough-edged fisherman Bill Johansson (“Barnacle Bill”), his financial troubles, his estranged daughter Virginia, and the fiery Marge Cavendish. With spirited banter, schemes, and heartfelt moments, the episode celebrates family, redemption, and the tenacity of those scraping by along California’s coast.

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Key Discussion & Story Points

1. Introduction to Barnacle Bill (00:32–03:03)

• William Keeley sets the scene, highlighting the character of Barnacle Bill—“a seafaring character whose name is famed in song and story…he certainly has many of the lusty and contagious manners of his namesake” (01:04).
• The main cast is introduced, with Wallace Beery in the title role and real-life family members alongside Marjorie Main.

2. Bill’s Return & Homecoming Chaos (03:35–07:09)

• Bill and his hapless partner, Pico, struggle to dock their leaky boat, sparking comical arguments with Marge and her abrasive father.
• Bill attempts to charm Marge and weasel out of paying the $100 he owes for repairs.
• Memorable quote:

  “Will you stop your yammering? My sweetie lives in there. She and her pa. Why, him and me's just like father and son. They'll be tickled to death to see me.” —Barnacle Bill (04:30)

3. Bill’s Debts and Deceits (07:09–10:13)

• Amidst comic flirtation and bickering with Marge, Bill continues to dodge his financial responsibilities.
• Bill reveals to Pico the boat is actually in his daughter's name, setting up later family tensions.
• Notable banter:

  Marge: “You keep that boat out of our dock.”
  Bill: “If you don't, we'll sink right here in your front yard.” (05:01)

4. The Price of Fish & A Call to Action (08:47–10:13)

• Marge laments local fish prices are controlled by Adam Kelly, who pays “only five cents a pound for tuna.”
• She encourages Bill to stand up for the local fishermen—a theme of community resistance.

5. Virginia’s Arrival & Emotional Stakes (13:36–17:49)

• Bill’s estranged daughter, Virginia, arrives, believing her father gave her the boat out of love—only to learn of his motives.
• Touching moments as Virginia expresses her desire for a relationship with her father and pride in his supposed seafaring prowess.
• Quote:

  “You know I'm still the skipper.” —Barnacle Bill (15:35)

6. Marge as Matriarch—Shelter, Advice, and Forgiveness (18:22–20:51)

• Marge takes Virginia under her wing, offering practical and emotional support.
• She reassures Virginia of her father’s hidden good qualities and sets out to help both.

7. Church and Sunday Promises Broken (22:57–25:35)

• Marge’s campaign to “reform” Bill peaks as she gets him to church, only for Bill to get drunk before Sunday dinner.
• The resulting disappointment lands Bill under a faucet for a sobering up, and Virginia is left heartbroken.
• Quote:

  “You broke your word. That's the worst thing anybody could do.” —Marge Cavendish (25:11)

8. Dreams, Disappointments, and Small Redemptions (26:00–31:01)

• Virginia shares the story of her grandfather’s noble end at sea, inspiring Bill.
• Bill finds motivation to seek honest work, at the urging of Marge and Virginia.
• Bill runs into trouble selling his fish, discovering that Adam Kelly’s workers have swindled the fishermen on payments.

9. Bill Stands Up for the Fishermen (31:05–34:46)

• Bill attempts to settle for personal profit but, prompted by Virginia’s presence and his conscience, insists all fishermen get fair pay.
• Confrontations and threats ensue, culminating in Bill and Pico’s boat being sabotaged (water in the hold).

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Bill’s reputation:

  “Why should I go out after 5 cent tuna when I can get 30 cent swordfish, huh?” —Barnacle Bill (09:17)

• On Marge’s opinion of Bill:

  “You good for nothing, dead beat. Don't you call me a deadbeat. I'll sue you for liability.” —Marge & Barnacle Bill (05:32)

• Virginia’s pride:

  “He’ll bring her in all right. He's got to.” —Virginia, trusting her father in a storm (60:17)

• Marge’s no-nonsense warmth:

  “Say, you just stopped trying to scare my pa. Oh, shucks, I was only fooling. Say, don't you know it's felonious to stow away on somebody's boat?” —Marge & Bill (54:31)

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Notable Timestamps & Segments

• Bill and Marge’s repartee about the sinking boat: 04:30–06:22
• Virginia’s introduction and confrontation over the boat: 13:36–15:35
• Bill’s failed Sunday redemption (church & saloon): 22:57–25:35
• Bill physically stands up to Adam Kelly’s men: 31:19–33:01
• Sabotage and comic rescue as the boat starts to sink: 34:46–36:43
• Auction for the schooner ‘Three Sisters’: 36:43–39:07
• Emotional song and marriage proposal hints: 39:04–41:24
• Bill’s moral crisis—debating escape to South Seas or staying to lead: 45:26–48:18
• Family and community triumph in the face of the storm: 56:22–61:03
• Resolution: Virginia returns, Bill is redeemed, and a marriage celebrated: 61:03–62:25

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Character Arcs & Thematic Highlights

• Redemption & Responsibility: Bill, inspired by his daughter’s faith, transitions from a scheming, bumbling “sea dog” to a trusted leader of the fishing fleet.
• Community Solidarity: Struggles with Adam Kelly unify the fishermen, with Bill emerging as their champion.
• Family & Forgiveness: Although motivated by self-interest at first, Bill ultimately chooses his daughter and community over dreams of running away.
• Women as Catalysts: Marge’s steady, tough love and Virginia’s faith are the keys to Bill’s transformation.

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Curtain Call & Behind-the-Scenes

• The cast re-emerges for a lighthearted curtain call, with birthday wishes for Wallace Beery (“April 1st, eh?” 64:30) and playful banter about Hollywood and radio stardom.
• A preview of next week’s Lux Radio Theatre (66:01), and closing thanks from producer William Keeley.

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Lux Radio Theatre masterfully blends slapstick humor, sharp-tongued exchanges, and genuine sentiment. Anchored by vibrant personalities and a warm-hearted view of working-class life, “Barnacle Bill” is both a nostalgic comedy and a tale of personal and communal redemption. The chemistry among the cast, especially between Wallace Beery and Marjorie Main, delivers both laughs and touching sincerity.

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For further immersion, be sure to check out more episodes from Harold’s Old Time Radio, reliving radio’s golden yesteryears.

Transcript

[NHTSA Traffic Safety Announcer]

Tonight in your city, someone is walking their dog. Someone is crossing the street to their car. Someone's kid is riding a bike home, and they're counting on you to drive the speed limit. Speeding accounts for nearly 30% of traffic fatalities. And most of those crashes don't happen on the interstate. They happen on the streets where people live. Slow down. It's an act of care for the people around you. So remember, speeding catches up with you. Know the road and respect its limits. Presented by nhtsa. Now back to your podcast.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Lux Presents Hollywood. Deluxe radio theater brings you wallace beery, marjorie main, noah beery and carol ann beery in barnacle bill. Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. William keeley.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

Greetings from Hollywood. Ladies and gentlemen, there comes a knocking on our door tonight. A seafaring character whose name is famed in song and story. Barnacle Bill. While he may not be identical with the gentleman who vowed to sail the sea until I croaked, fight and swear and chew and smoke, he certainly has many of the lusty and contagious manners of his namesake. And no one could better portray the role of such a character than Wallace Beery. Wally appears, co starred with Marjorie Maine, his brother Noah and his daughter Carol Ann in Metro Golden Mayor's boisterous comedy Barnacle Bill. A saga spiced with sentiment and humor and sparked by the excitement so inherent in the lives of those who seek their fortune by the sea, matching brain and muscle with the elements. In keeping with that spirit of resourcefulness afloat, many of you probably saw in a recent issue of Life magazine the photograph of a young American wife sailing to join her husband overseas. Plainly visible in her open suitcase are the gifts she's taking to her husband's family. One is canned goods and the other is two packages of luxe flakes. And I'm sure that when that young bride meets her in laws for the first time, that friendly gift of Lux Flakes will do much to break the ice, as well as to recommend her as a housewife of distinction. We're off to the pungent coast of California and the first act of Barnacle Bill. Starring Wallace Beery in the title role and Marjorie Main as Marge Cavendish. With Noah Beery as Adam Kelly and Carol Ann Beery as Virginia.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Like a broken heart needs gladness. Like the FL flowers need the dew. Like a baby needs its mother. That's how I need you. That's how I need you.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

It's been nearly six months, and Bill Johansson sat in Margie Cavendish's parlor and rendered that haunting duet with her rendered Meaning to tear apart. But now, on the bow of his dilapidated fishing boat, Bill's returning to port. Pico, his partner, labors manfully at the oars of a rowboat slowly towing the fishing boat into dock.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Hey, Bill, why don't you help me with the orange here? Help you? Did you ever hear of a captain deserting his ship? I'm just sitting here till my vessel sinks from under me. That there's marital tradition. Pico he may be, but she will do better if you pump some of those water. Oh, she'll float all right until we get her into the dock. Hey, Pico, you see that there Gloucester schooner over there? That there's the Three Sisters. Oh, go meet that. A pretty ship, man.

[Margie Cavendish]

We going to sink any meaner.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, stop your worrying. There's the boatyard, dead ahead, short. They fix your body here. Will you stop your yammering? My sweetie lives in there. She and her pa. Why, him and me's just like father and son. They'll be tickled to death to see me. They'll.

[Margie Cavendish]

Is that you, Bill? Your husband?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Hello, Margie. Hello, Pop.

[Margie Cavendish]

You big rover, you get any soldiers,

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

I'll ram a harpoon down your big hat.

[Margie Cavendish]

Mount.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

That your father? Bill, I'm home. Marge.

[Margie Cavendish]

You keep that boat out of our duck.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Stand clear, you old abalone. I'm throwing a line. Tie this up, honey.

[Margie Cavendish]

Bill. Don't you do it, doctor. Don't you do it.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

If you don't, we'll sink right here in your front yard.

[Margie Cavendish]

Can't let her sink, Pop. You block her way. Hey, Dale. Yes, ma'? Am. Pull this old top of the cradle. Sure is surprising to see you, Bill. Come on aboard.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Gee, hello, my squirrel.

[Margie Cavendish]

Gosh, don't you try any more of

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

your sick ways with my little girl. You good for nothing, dead beat. Don't you call me a deadbeat. I'll sue you for liability.

[Margie Cavendish]

Now stop talking me into my pap or I'll part your hair with this here axe.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Marge, you ain't changed one teeny bit, have you? You got that hundred dollars you owe us? Well, to tell you the truth, Mr. Marge, you're just as pretty as you ever was. Oh, this year's Pico. Him and me's partners. Pico, you remember the little girl I'm always talking about being so handsome and talented? No, I don't remember. But why did you step on my foot? You remember Pico, my pinup girl. Oh, well, this is it. Pico on the hoof. What about my hundred dollars? Pop, I ain't got it on me at the moment. Just an oversight. I'm going for a lawyer right now. I'll attach your both.

[Margie Cavendish]

Oh, you ain't going nowhere, pap. If Bill ain't got a boat, he can't feast. If he can't feast, he can't pay his bills. It's all there is to her and

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

get on in the store. Daughter. Customer just came in. See you in a minute, Marge. Pico. Ain't that some fine figure of a woman, huh? I don't know, Bill. I think maybe you just been looking on the mackerels too long. Hey, Bill, you really think her father gonna be a lawyer? Oh, who cares? I don't really own the boat anyway. You don't own your boat? Not legal like I don't. That boat belongs to my daughter. When I bought it, I had it put in Virginie's name. Jeannie. How could I know? I ain't seen her since I left Gloucester. That's a long time ago. How do I know? I don't know. What are we gonna do now? You go and help that fella get that boat up on the cradle. I'm going in and schmooze some with Marge.

[Margie Cavendish]

I'm here to talk Bill Johansson or eat us out of crackers.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Dog. Dog Gullet. Marge, you sure have got a fine story here. Everything a seafaring man would want for.

[Margie Cavendish]

Well, all I know is hard work. That's something you wouldn't know anything about.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

You know, Marge, I seen a lot of women in my life, but I never seen any like you. When they're talented, why, they ain't pretty. And when they're pretty, why, why, they ain't sophisticated. Gosh, you got all three combined.

[Margie Cavendish]

Flatter enough man ever did, see, but somehow it always cost me money.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

No, no. What did you have to go say that for? I was. I was just going to speak about that little Bill that I owe, but you got me all embarrassed. 901.

[Margie Cavendish]

Oh, well, I didn't mean to. Go on, Bill.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, I came here kind of a sudden, Marge. I just ain't had time to have my bank accounts transferred. You got your pants on, Margie? Sure, I got my britches on.

[Margie Cavendish]

And you're standing in the middle of your bank account right now.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

You know doggone well I'll pay you the first load of fish I get.

[Margie Cavendish]

Pay off for $100 with one load of fish, huh? There's some optimist.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

That's it. Won't call me names when I go after fish, I get em yeah, the

[Margie Cavendish]

prices ain't what they used to be.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Ow.

[Margie Cavendish]

Oh, keep your big mitts off of my crackers.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Have I been eating your crackers?

[Margie Cavendish]

Of course you have.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

You see, well, you got me so doggone stirred up I don't even know what I'm doing. Margie. Doggone Garnet. You're prettier than a sea bass.

[Margie Cavendish]

Now stow that soft top. I'm talking about the price of fish, not the looks of them things is tough, Bill.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

They are, huh?

[Margie Cavendish]

There's a no good thief in town.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Now, Marge dog, don't be like your Paul.

[Margie Cavendish]

I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about a hound dog named Adam Kelly. He runs the wholesale business here and all he gives is 5 cents a pound for toner.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, what do they sell it to him for?

[Margie Cavendish]

Ain't nobody else will buy when they try to. Kelly and these thugs run them out of town. Somebody's got to stand up to that part, Bill. I think you're the one to do it.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Who, me? Huh? Why should I go out after 5 cent tuna when I can get 30 cent swordfish, huh?

[Margie Cavendish]

You mean why should you work hard when you can sit on that broad beam of yours and wait for a sword face to come?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, what do you got to be that way for, Marge? I'm simply protecting your investment in me. How long's it going to take before my boat's ready to go again?

[Margie Cavendish]

Jeff says two days.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, you just wait and see what I'm with.

[Margie Cavendish]

And while your boat's here, you're living on the boat. No more boarding with me and pop.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, you just remember this. Soon's my ship seaworthy, I'm going fishing. Why? I regard my financial obligation to you as a. Well, as a debt of honor. I'd be nothing more than a mangy old unreputable sea going skunk. Was I to try and welsh on you and your pa, wouldn't I?

[Margie Cavendish]

You're tatting me something terrible, Bill, but I won't say it.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Marge, now, doggone it, how can you think of such a thing?

[Margie Cavendish]

Hey, wake up. Wake up, you hear?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Or I'll knock you flat on a

[Margie Cavendish]

halibut

[NHTSA Traffic Safety Announcer]

tonight in your city. Someone is walking their dog. Someone is crossing the street to their car. Someone's kid is riding a bike home. And they're counting on you to drive the speed limit. Speeding accounts for nearly 30% of traffic fatalities. And most of those crashes don't happen on the interstate. They happen on the streets where people live. Slow down. It's an act of care for the people around you. So remember, speeding catches up with you. Know the road and respect its limits. Presented by nhtsa. Now back to your podcast.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, hello, March.

[Margie Cavendish]

Oh, don't hello me, you pickle herring.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

No, no, wait a minute. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Breaking into a gentleman's boudoir like.

[Margie Cavendish]

Yes, I hope you had a good

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

time last night for that blonde, Marjorie Cavendish.

[Margie Cavendish]

Don't bother to lie, Pap. Saw you with her down that swoon.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

What blonde? Oh, oh, her. That was just an old school chum of mine, that's all.

[Margie Cavendish]

An old school chum? Her name's Mamie and she's worked that saloon for 20 years.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Say, if your pappy says I was in that saloon, he's telling a big fib. He's just mad cause I wouldn't buy him a beer.

[Margie Cavendish]

I heard you brought in a big swordfish yesterday afternoon.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

A big swordfish? I almost threw it overboard, it was so little.

[Margie Cavendish]

You sold it instead. You promised to pay me out the first haul you got.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Sure I did. And Amanda, too. Hey, Pico. Yes? Come here, pardner. Come on over here. Come here. Give Ms. Calavan dish that there $5 with. Been saving special for her. Here's $5, bill. Well, give it to her. Give it to her.

[Margie Cavendish]

Thanks. Well, that'll be a start anyway.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

And let that be a lesson, Ms. Margie Cavendish. Never condemn nobody until they're convicted.

[Margie Cavendish]

Yeah. Last night ought to be a lesson to you to stay away from blondes named Mamie.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, my $5, you give it to her? You bet I did. Well, that $5, I. I got to say some money to my dear old mother. I'm glad you spoke of that, Pico. A fella who don't take care of his parents ain't no good. Oh, gosh. Oh, my head. Yes, I'm bill. You get $30 for saltfish? How could you be so selfish, Pico? I got expenses and income taxes and everything to pay Bill. That big fat blonde in the saloon, she steal your money, huh? Don't talk to me about last bite. It's a horrible night.

[Margie Cavendish]

But how?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

I'm going to send some money to my poor old mother. Stop yapping about your maul. Come on, help me get up on that deck, Pico. I gotta relax in the sunshine and then get me some coffee. Don't forget the cream. Where I gonna get you cream? I got no cows. Use your imagination. Steal it off of somebody's front doorstep, Bill. I sure wish I had a head full of Brains like you. I sure wish you had my head.

[Margie Cavendish]

I think I found him.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Hey, over there. Do you have to yell like that? Can't you see I'm here?

[Margie Cavendish]

Aunt lady on this boat.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Stop that screeching, lady. Say, who said you could come aboard my ship?

[Margie Cavendish]

Sure as hard to sit there. Letty. Oh, is he all right?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

You're the two noisiest females I ever seen.

[Margie Cavendish]

We're not strangers. Bill Johansen. This little girl happens to be your daughter.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

What did you say? What do you tr. Well, Letty Breckenbridge. It's you, ain't it? You always was bad luck to me.

[Margie Cavendish]

And you remember your baby, I hope.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Sure I do. But this year, Kid, that ain't her. Mine was only. Oh, well, she was only about that long.

[Margie Cavendish]

Children have a way of growing up. Well, Virginia, you finally had your wish. You've seen your father. Now let's get off this smelly old boat. Oh, no, I can't. I can't leave my father. It's quite obvious your father doesn't want you. Oh, of course he wants me. He gave me this boat, didn't he?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Sure, I. Wait a minute.

[Margie Cavendish]

You had it registered in my name because we got a notice and that's how we knew we'd find you here.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Yes, but I. I only did that.

[Margie Cavendish]

Nothing can prove to me that he's fit to be your father.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Who ain't fit? Now, don't you go poisoning her mind like you did her ma's. There ain't nobody that's any fitter, and

[Margie Cavendish]

I'm staying with him forever. Now, look, dear, I've been over this with you a hundred times. I can't leave him. All right. Your suitcase is there on the dock, and you know where you can reach me. I'll stay at the hotel in town till my ticket runs out. When you're ready to go home. When you want anything, just telephone. Thanks, Aunt Nettie. I'm going to miss you. It won't be for long, darling. I'm quite sure of that. Goodbye, dear. Goodbye.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Hey, where's she going?

[Margie Cavendish]

Back to Gloucester, and I'm going to stay with you. You know, I've thought about you all my life. It's sure going to be good having my own PA and sitting aboard my own boat.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Nah. Don't you go getting any ideas. You know I'm still the skipper.

[Margie Cavendish]

Sure you are, Pa. We always have a sea captain in our family. My grandpa was gr.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Gr. Oh, he practically drove me from the bosom of my family.

[Margie Cavendish]

Folks back home were awful Proud of him. They gave him this. Look, this telescope.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, gee, that's some telescope, ain't it?

[Margie Cavendish]

He got it for being the best skipper in Gloucester. He had a schooner, the most beautiful thing you ever saw. Just like that one over there.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, that there, that's the Three Sisters. You know, I brought her out all the way from the east coast myself.

[Margie Cavendish]

You did?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

I was going to go down to the South Seas with her when they own this dog, Garnet. They went and laid her up.

[Margie Cavendish]

Gosh, I wish Aunt Letty knew you did that. I was sure you were a real sea capture.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Sure. Oh, say, what about that. That telescope that's got gold bands around it, ain't it? Pure gold, I bet. I bet we could borrow $100 on that, don't you? Say, you come with me. I want you to meet an old friend of mine.

[Margie Cavendish]

That's your friend Paul. The old man sleeping by the counter?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Him? He's nobody's friend, not even his own. Watch me wake him up. What's going on here? What in thunder. Get out of here. Hello, Pops. Where's Margie? You leave her be. You sit down here, Vinny. Margie must be out in the kitchen. I'll be right back.

[Margie Cavendish]

What is it?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Guess who.

[Margie Cavendish]

Honey, I don't have to nobody, but you'd come in without being asked.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Gosh, sure smells good, whatever you're cooking, Marge. You know, honey, it must get awful lonesome around here without nobody to talk to except that cranky old man of yours.

[Margie Cavendish]

Now, you leave Pap alone.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, you don't know what I mean. I mean, don't you ever think what a blessing little children is?

[Margie Cavendish]

Bill, you're finally proposing.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, no, no, no, honey, you're. You're jumping at conclusions. I. I don't mean little babies. I mean growed up like my daughter. Oh. Oh, Jenny. Ginny, Come in here.

[Margie Cavendish]

So that's it. I might have known you was a bigamist.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, but, Margie, you got me all wrong. No, no. Her ma died when she was a little bitty baby. Why, she must be 12 or 14, 15 now. See, Marge, look. Ain't she a nice kid? Well, here's what I've been thinking. I thought that maybe you could put a little old cot there in your room where she could sleep. And, of course, I'm willing to pay you a little extra for board. And then you'll have her as security for what I owe you.

[Margie Cavendish]

Bill Johansen.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Ain't that a swell idea? What you doing?

[Margie Cavendish]

Here, take this quarter. Go get a couple More pork chops for lunch.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

You mean she can stay?

[Margie Cavendish]

Oh, I'll get along with you. Oh, sure, they can straighten that all out.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, Margie. Hey, you ain't gotta gotta extra slick dime habit?

[Margie Cavendish]

What for?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, I thought maybe I'd get a little garlicko. But I can get along without it, I guess. Now, here you be nice and polite, Jenny, like your pa. Hello, honey.

[Margie Cavendish]

Hello. Would you really like to stay here with me? I don't know. I thought my father wanted me. He gave me his boat. That's why I came out here. But now I know he did it just so I wouldn't have to pay his bill. Who in the world ever told you that? Was there any word of truth in it? There isn't. I reckon I ought to know. Say, you oughta heard your pap talk about you prouder than a cucumber. What? Prouder? Now, look, child, your pap ain't no great shapes to look at, but that boy's got some good qualities down underneath. Oh, I know. I'm sure he has. Look, can I set the table for you? Oh, now, you don't need to bother. Oh, but I'd like to. I was sort of hoping I could keep house for my pa. Well, you'll be all right, honey. And, you know, there's some other ways we can help him. Your pap don't know it, but what he needs in his life is a woman. Well, I'm not exactly a woman. Oh, well, you'll do all right. And I'll help you. Do you think he'll ever be a sure enough sea captain? Well, with both of us concentrating on him, there's no telling what's gonna happen. Now, let's see. Tomorrow, Sunday. How'd you like to go to church, honey? You and me and Pa. Oh, and especially your pa. Be kind of nice room to make the preacher, don't you think? Oh, that'd be wonderful. Yes.

[NHTSA Traffic Safety Announcer]

Tonight in your city, someone is walking their dog. Someone is crossing the street to their car. Someone's kid is riding a bike home. And they're counting on you to drive the speed limit. Speeding accounts for nearly 30% of traffic fatalities. And most of those crashes don't happen on the interstate. They happen on the streets where people live. Slow down. It's an act of care for the people around you. So remember, speeding catches up with you. Know the road and respect its limits. Presented by NHTSA now back to your podcast, sir.

[Margie Cavendish]

There's no telling what's gonna happen. Like a broken heart needs gladness. Like the flowers need the.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Our stars will return in Act 2 of Barnacle Bill in just a moment. Say, Libby, what are the stars going to wear in the Easter Parade?

[Margie Cavendish]

Well, starting from the ground up, I'd say anyone who owns a pair of nylons will have them on that day. The stars guard their nylons like gold, you know, just like the rest of us.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

That must mean lux care, naturally, because

[Margie Cavendish]

luxe cuts runs way down.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Imagine a movie star with a run.

[Margie Cavendish]

Claudette Colbert, for instance. You know, she's just won the Fashion Academy's award for the best dressed woman on the screen.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

On the screen or off the screen, I've never seen Claudette look less than perfect.

[Margie Cavendish]

And it's all her own good taste. Remember those stunning clothes she wears and Tomorrow Is Forever? She selected practically all of them herself. Directors say she not only knows what looks well on her but knows what clothes will help the mood of the scene.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

That's important in a picture like Tomorrow Is Forever where there are so many tense emotional situations.

[Margie Cavendish]

Yes, and perfect clothes, care is important too. Suppose Claudette got a stocking run when she's pleading with Orson Welles, who plays the part of her first husband. But international studios watch out for things like that. They specify lux for stockings as well as all other nice washables.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Luxe care really does make stockings last longer. Hundreds of scientific strain tests proved it. Stockings washed with lux didn't go into runs nearly so quickly as those washed with strong soap or rubbed with cake soap.

[Margie Cavendish]

So no matter what kind of stockings you're planning to wear in the Easter Parade prolong their life with luxe care.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

You can make your Lux go further too, if you use only as much as you need to make Ritz Suds. Lux contains vital material, so don't waste it. Here's Mr. Keeley at the microphone.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

Our curtain rises on act two of Barnacle Bill. Starring Wally Beery in the title role and Marjorie Maine as Marge Cavendish. With Noah Beery as Kelly and Carol Ann Beery as Virginia. Margie's campaign to reform Bill has borne a sudden and startling result. She's actually succeeded in getting him to church. Margie and Virginia beam happily as they join Bill in the closing hymn.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Bringing in the she we shall have rejoicing Bringing in the sh Ringing in the shame Ringing in the she we shall have rejoicing Bringing in the sheep.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

It's two hours later now, and with the minister as a guest for Sunday dinner, Margie, her father and Virginia wait hopefully for Bill

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Comet. How long we gotta wait for that biscuit Weeble.

[Margie Cavendish]

Ha. Yes.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Don't shush me. Blast his britches. I could eat a shark. Where do you suppose William is now, if that ain't a silly question. He stopped off in the saloon. Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear.

[Margie Cavendish]

My father wouldn't go near a saloon.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

I should hope not. Especially on the Sabbath. Bill ain't that choosy.

[Margie Cavendish]

Now, hush up, Pa. Bill took the pledge just last night, didn't he, Virginia? He promised me. He promised me. He never.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

That's William now, isn't it? Listen. He's singing higher than a crow's nest too.

[Margie Cavendish]

There. Bill Johansson. Hopper. Hopper.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, hello, Ginny. Hello, Mike.

[Margie Cavendish]

Where have you been? You've got a breath strong enough to drive a piling. And the minister's here.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Reverend, permit me to congratulate you on your sermon this morning. I was just telling the boys down in the saloons with. Oh, Papa.

[Margie Cavendish]

And after all your promises.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, what's everybody picking on me for?

[Margie Cavendish]

You broke your word. That's the worst thing anybody could do. Now you got her in tears. You ornery, low down sea cow. You.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Come here, Margie. You let go of my ear.

[Margie Cavendish]

I ought to pull it off. Getting drunk on Sunday, Pops.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Call her off. Make her turn me loose.

[Margie Cavendish]

Now get your fat head under this faucet here. This here's water. Something you wouldn't know anything about.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Stop that. March.

[Margie Cavendish]

Stop that.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

That's cold. Stop it. March. Honey. This is sheer madness. Jenny, Is that that you? Jenny, what you doing?

[Margie Cavendish]

Just like an Alpha Bay company.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Jimmy, I'm. I'm awfully sorry about what happened this afternoon, Chief. What you thinking about?

[Margie Cavendish]

I'm thinking about Grandpa.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

What about Gramps?

[Margie Cavendish]

I'm thinking I'd like to do just what he did.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Cuss me out. All right, go ahead. If you get stuck, I'll try to help you.

[Margie Cavendish]

I'm thinking about when Grandpa got sick. The last time the doctor told him he'd never get out of bed again. That night Grandpa got up and went out to his boat.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

But you just said he was Aylin.

[Margie Cavendish]

That didn't matter because he was a sea captain. Sea captains don't like to die in bed.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

That's right. We don't.

[Margie Cavendish]

Sick as he was, he went out to sea all alone. Nobody ever saw him again. Oh, I think that's a beautiful way to die.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, that's a fine thing to be talking about. You're too young to. Why? What. What would I do without you, Jimmy?

[Margie Cavendish]

You'd be better off.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, that's crazy. Whatever made you.

[Margie Cavendish]

Oh, Pa. Pa. Don't you start crying now.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, I. I'm just sorry for the way I treated you is all. And I wasn't crying either. Something just flew in my eye. Ginny, I'm going to get myself a job. I'm going to go to work.

[Margie Cavendish]

You won't have to look for a job, Pa. Margie and me already got one for you.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, now, what did you have to go and do that for?

[Margie Cavendish]

Joe Patillo's vote is going out tomorrow. You don't have to take it if you don't want it.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, I guess the trouble is I. I want to.

[Margie Cavendish]

Pa.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Could you kiss me like that again?

[Margie Cavendish]

Oh, sure, Pa. Sure.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Wait, wait. I. I Make sure that nobody's peeking. Nobody's peeking, guys. That's.

[Margie Cavendish]

Goodbye, Pa. Take good care of yourself.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Goodbye, Jenny. Goodbye, Mark.

[Margie Cavendish]

Goodbye, Mia. Game.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Don't worry.

[Margie Cavendish]

Don't forget to wear your heavy underwear.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Kitty. That ain't no fit kind of talk.

[Margie Cavendish]

You too, Pico. Bye. Bye. Well, there we go, honey. Oh, well, you'll be back in a month smelling like a can of sardines. I love sardines, Margie. Yeah, me too. There he is, Marge. He's back. Papa. Papa.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Hello, Jimmy. Guys. I'm glad to see you all. Oh, gee. Oh, go away now. Go on, get away. You'll get all smelly with fish. Hello, Marge.

[Margie Cavendish]

Hello, Bill. Get a good haul?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

You know me. Them tuna come to me like sharks to a hunk of pork.

[Margie Cavendish]

You mean like bees to honey, Dilly boy.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Come on in the store, Doctor. Can't keep the trade waiting.

[Margie Cavendish]

Oh. See you in a little while, Bill.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

You sure will. Hello, Jenny. Gee, when I get paid off, Ginny, I'm going to have as much as $200. And I'm going to buy you the prettiest dress that I can find, too.

[Margie Cavendish]

Gosh, I'd like a dress, Pa, but let's save our money, huh?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Save it? What for?

[Margie Cavendish]

Oh, maybe for something like that schooner outfit.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Say, she's still in the harbor, ain't she? The three sisters. Gosh, having a ship like that. That's worth saving for, ain't it? Hey, Bill, we're going to get paid off now.

[Margie Cavendish]

I see.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, I'm coming, Pico. Come on, honey. We'll go up and pick up that. 100, 150, 165. Hey, what is this? We're all beef and Bill, but what can we do about it? Well, I figured I had about $200 coming to me. Where's that Adam Kelly fellow?

[NHTSA Traffic Safety Announcer]

Tonight, in your city, someone is Walking their dog. Someone is crossing the street to their car. Someone's kid is riding a bike home. And they're counting on you to drive the speed limit. Speeding accounts for nearly 30% of traffic fatalities. And most of those crashes don't happen on the interstate. They happen on the streets where people live. Slow down. It's an act of care for the people around you. So remember, speeding catches up with you. Know the road and respect its limits. Presented by nhtsa. Now back to your podcast.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Ain't that his office there on the dock? No use. Bill Kelly ain't there. Here's that fellow who works for him.

[Margie Cavendish]

Dixon.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

If Kelly or Dixon checked the weights for us, I'd be suspicious. But Baker did it. He's always been honest before. Well, we get paid by the weight of fish. And one thing I do know is what fish ways.

[Margie Cavendish]

The men need the money, Pa. Can't you do something about it?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Them crooks, they can't do nothing like that to us, Virginny. Not unless they cut us in on it.

[Margie Cavendish]

You're going to stick up for the fishermen, aren't you?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, I'm going to do something. Here, you. You wait here.

[Margie Cavendish]

Don't worry, men. My paw get your money for you. My Paul fight Kelly's whole gang if he finds they cheated on.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

If you got any business with Kelly, you can tell it to me. Okay, Mr. Dixon. I figured somebody made about $3,000 extra off of that load of tuna. Me and those boys out there just brung in. You do, huh? Yeah, but there ain't no sense making trouble if you can settle things peaceful. Like you squawking for the gang or just for yourself? Well, I'm here alone, ain't I? What do you figure you got coming? Pushing? Oh, about 50 bucks. Well, just so there'll be no hard feelings. Of course, this year don't include anything for keeping my mouth shut. What's that worth? Well, I got a pretty big mouth, Mr. Dixon. How about a hundred bucks? That would only about half shut my mouth. $1.50 and not a cent more. All right, hand it over. Now, them fishermen out there, they're coming. Here. Put that dough in your pocket and beat it. Wait a minute. That's my kid with him, see? Well, what about it? Well, that kid's my conscience. I, I, I guess I've changed my mind, Dixon. Say, what's wrong with you? Well, I made that kid a promise. This time I'm keeping it. Are you going to pay those fishmen fair and square? Not just me, but all of Them get away, will you? Sure, I'm getting away, but you're coming with me. Now, you're either paying those men off or I'm punching you, Mr. Right Square in the nose. Fine. Since I stand with that gang ready to tear me apart, it's between you and me. Why you lord hurdle. Tear your head off. You want some more? Stay back, boys. This year fight is strictly private. Better stay down, your handsome. Next time you won't be getting up. Hello, Virginia. Here, watch this one, folks. Get yourself a tunny fish, Mr. Dick.

[Margie Cavendish]

That's my Paul. That's my Paul.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Hey, Phil, look out. Kelly's coming to McDonald's. Glad I've come. Hey, get off my dock. I said get off my dock. Stay where you are, boys. Keep out of this. Itching for a fight, huh? Come on, boss, let's get him. Oh. Go. I ain't had such a good time as this since I left them. They're marines. Well, just don't stand there, Dixon. What did you find out? Where's your Anson? Bought that tub of his down by the shipyard. Well, that's fine, fine. Sleep's aboard her, huh? Yeah, but if it's all the same to you, boss, I ain't picking another fight. Fine bunch of dopes we are. Letting them beat our ears off. No, we're not picking any fight. I got a better idea. Yeah, I'm listening. You and McDonald are going aboard that boat. Open up the sea cocks and cast her off. A nice clean job, see? What about the cops? Well, what about them? What are they going to find? The boat will be at the bottom of the harbor. Too bad. Yeah. Excuse me, boss, while I bust out crying. My toe. My toe. What are you hollering about? Oh, you ignorant foreigner. What's the idea of putting a mouse trap in my bed? What do you mean, mousetrap? Why do I try to catch you cold? I don't know why. I only. Oh, I'm fine, Pico. Of course you didn't put it in my bunker. Must have just floated it in all this water here. Go on back to sleep, Pico. I'll just. Water. Pico, we're sinking.

[Margie Cavendish]

We are? Help. I can't.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Let's get out of here. I'll quit yling and step right out on the dock there.

[Margie Cavendish]

Somebody move the dock here.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Grab the rope and hold on. We're all right, Pico. You're just a few feet from the dock. Margie. Margie. Margie. Run, homie, we're sinking. What?

[Margie Cavendish]

Nothing happens through your b.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Get Your dinghy Mars. And row out here

[Margie Cavendish]

right in front of our tribe.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

All that there crazy Pico left the seacocks open.

[Margie Cavendish]

Pico, where is every.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Pull him in the. Pull him in the dinghy.

[Margie Cavendish]

Mart, stop playing little Peggy like the market and go pull him in yourself.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

I will, honey, just as soon as I get this mousetrap off my pinky There. Well, honey, looks like I'll have to be boarding with you after all, since

[Margie Cavendish]

you won't be living on that boat after we get a raise.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, I guess it's just fate, Margie, bringing us closer and closer together. Who might? A struggle against the stars.

[Margie Cavendish]

You know, Billy boy, I might let you hold my hand if it wasn't a Rowan.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Margie. Captain. Hey, there's a poor boat, Bill. Good thing she's sinking in shallows water. Easy to find it with the mast above the water, huh? Yeah. You're going to hire yourself a diving suit and go down and look her over. Why do I have to go downstairs in the water? Because you was the one that left the seacocks open, that's why. How many times I want to tell you, I didn't do. You did so. Would I do a crazy thing like that? No. Now, you go and ask Mark. Here I am. Ginny.

[Margie Cavendish]

Pa, they're having an auction sale. They're going to sell the Three Sisters.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

They're what?

[Margie Cavendish]

An auction man's there and they're trying to sell it.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, well, they can't do that.

[Margie Cavendish]

What do we do if somebody takes her away?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Don't even think of such things. Come on. I'm getting over there and see what's going on.

[Margie Cavendish]

2,500.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

I've got 2,500. That's terrible. That there boat cost at least $50,000. That's right, mister. But people aren't buying ships like the Three Sisters these days. All right, I got 2,500 once. 2,500 twice the third and the last time. 26. You crazy? $2,600 once, twice the third and the last time sold to that gentleman with the little girl. Step up, brother, and pay your deposit. Who, me? Well, naturally. But, mister, I just happen to be passing by. I don't carry that much money with. I couldn't take less than $150 to bind a $2,600 deal. Well, 150, that's different. What's your name? Oh, Bill. Bill what?

[Margie Cavendish]

William. Captain William Johansen. And our address is Chair of the Cavendish Dry Dock.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Thank you, young lady. Well, Captain, the balance is due in 10 days. Here's the address to send it to. The boat's all yours now.

[Margie Cavendish]

Did you hear that? The Three Sisters is ours.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Guys, look at her. Ain't she beautiful? Bill, where are we going to get $2,450, Pa?

[Margie Cavendish]

Get it, won't you, Pa?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, there's only one person I know got that much money. It's going to be a terrible sacrifice, but I guess the time has come to make it.

[Margie Cavendish]

Well, sit down, Bill. Sure was thoughtful of you to bring me these flowers. Come to Darcington.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, they ain't half as delicate as you are, Margie. Say, Margie, Jimmy's asleep and your pop's out.

[Margie Cavendish]

Just you and me, Bill, sitting in the parlor like we used to.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

Guys.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Marv, would you sing that song again? Just. Just for old times sake?

[Margie Cavendish]

Why, sure, Bill. Kind of like it myself.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

You know, it's. It's so soothing the way you sing it. Come on, honey.

[Margie Cavendish]

Like a broken heart needs gladness like the flowers need the dew

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Like a baby needs its mother that's how I. Gee, you got me. You got me all choked up, Margie. I never seen such amazing talents all wrapped up in one little woman.

[Margie Cavendish]

Oh, now, I'm surreally talented.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

You know, Margie, when I get my boat, I'm going to get an organ just like this here. And then, if I'm lucky enough, I'm going to marry a woman like you. And I'll have her sing that song to me every night before I go to sleep.

[Margie Cavendish]

Sounds mighty attractive, Bill. Yeah.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

But I guess ain't much sense in talking. How am I going to get. Get that there kind of a boat?

[Margie Cavendish]

Why, I thought you was buying the Three Sisters.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Yes, I am. But you know, it's the hardest thing in the world doing business with them there big bankers that their rate of interest is scandalous. Why, be just working for a heartless corporation. Not for the woman I love.

[Margie Cavendish]

Bill, I ain't gonna let you do it.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

You ain't gonna let me do what, Marge?

[Margie Cavendish]

Work for no heartless corporation.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, no. No, honey. I guess I'm. I'm doomed.

[Margie Cavendish]

Oh, no, you ain't. Cause if it wouldn't in there is you none. I'd like to loan you that money myself, Marge. I got the money for you this afternoon.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, I, I. I can't. I can't believe that. I. I couldn't believe it unless I felt it in my hand.

[Margie Cavendish]

Well, here it is. Bill. It's for you.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Gosh. Oh, gee. Ain't. Ain't That a lovely shade of green. March, honey.

[Margie Cavendish]

Yeah. Bill.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Marge, honey, pucker up them lips of yours.

[Margie Cavendish]

They're all puckered up. Villain.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Yeah. Yeah. Margie. Let's whistle at their song, hon. We pause now for station identification. This is cbs, the Columbia Broadcasting System.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

Our stars will return with act three in a moment. Every year new starlets rise in Hollywood. Some fade, but others shine more brightly every year. Our studio scout, Libby Collins has brought one of Metro Golden Mayor's most promising young players. Here tonight as our guest, she's Dorothy Patrick, blond and blue eyed with talent to match. How did you get started in the movies, Dorothy?

[Margie Cavendish]

A talent scout saw me in a little theater play in Hollywood, Mr. Keely. The next day I was signing a

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

contract without a screen test.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Quite a compliment.

[Margie Cavendish]

I soon made one MGM was casting for the Green Years. And I'd read A.J. cronin's book and thought it would make a magnificent picture.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

What part would you test it for, Dorothy?

[Margie Cavendish]

The role that Beverly Tyler finally got. But all of us are happy that she got it. She's perfect as Tom Drake's sweetheart.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

That's very generous of you. And I understand that MGM has plans for you.

[Margie Cavendish]

Yes, they're casting me in the new Jerome Kern picture. But I hope sometime I can work with Charles Coburn. He's really superb in the Green Years as Grandfather Gal.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

Tell me, Dorothy, now that you're on the road to success, what are you going to buy that you've always wanted?

[Margie Cavendish]

Confidentially, heaps and heaps of lingerie. I love pretty slips and 90s sugary pinks and blues and yellows. But you can be sure I'll take good care of them with Lux. If that interests Mr. Kennedy.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Indeed it does, Dorothy. You know, even girls on a budget can have more pretty lingerie if they give under things gentle luxe care. Isn't that right, Libby?

[Margie Cavendish]

Perhaps you'd better explain that, Mr. Kennedy.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, scientific washing tests showed that undies washed with a strong soap, hot water and rough handling soon look faded and drabbed. Those washed deluxe ways stayed color fresh and lovely three times as long. So instead of spending money just to replace faded undies, you can buy new ones.

[Margie Cavendish]

That is, you spend no more than

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

you would otherwise, right? So you can feel as glamorous as you please without being extravagant. Lux keeps on these lovely so much longer, it's worth waiting for. Thank you for coming tonight, Dorothy. And a suggestion to our radio audience. If you can't get Lux the first time you try, try again. More is on the way. We return you now to Mr. William Keeley.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

After our final curtain, you're invited backstage for a brief chat with tonight's star. Here's the final act of Barnacle Bill, starring Wallace Beery as the gentleman in question, Marjorie Maine as Marge. With Noah Beery as Kelly and Carol Ann Beery as Virginia.

[NHTSA Traffic Safety Announcer]

Tonight, in your city, someone is walking their dog. Someone is crossing the street to their car. Someone's kid is riding a bike home. And they're counting on you to drive the speed limit. Speeding accounts for nearly 30% of traffic fatalities. And most of those crashes don't happen on the interstate. They happen on the streets where people live. Slow down. It's an act of care for the people around you. So remember, speeding catches up with you. Know the road and respect its limits. Presented by nhtsa. Now back to your podcast.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

It's the following morning, and stretched out on the dock of his newly acquired schooner, Bill Johansson watches as Pico paints the foremast. But in his heart is a cold terror, for he's led Marge to believe that he'll marry her. Bill is a most unhappy character.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Hey, Bill, why don't you never help me to work? Because I'm thinking. Pico, you and me are getting out of here. We're going to the South Sea Island. What kind of talk is those? South Seas? You know, I always had my heart set on the South Seas. Well, that's where we're going. All I'm worrying about is getting provisions and stuff to trade to them. They're natives down there. Oh, you mean like bees and calicos? Yeah, lollipops, umbrellas. It would take just about $300. Bill, look, we got company. Ms. Jeannie and your patio. Keep your mouth shut. Get back to that paint can. Hello, Jimmy. Come on aboard, Joe. Getting her all fixed up, huh, Bill? Yeah, I've been working like a dog.

[Margie Cavendish]

Pa, Mr. Patila has a wonderful idea. He wants to tell you about it.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Bill, me and the boys was thinking how you could turn this schooner into a refrigerator boat. Might easy. Refrigerator boat? You mean going out to them tuna boats buying up fish? Sure. Kelly made a fortune doing it, and so can you. You treat us square, Bill. We'll buy the ice and operate on shares. Say, that's a swell idea. You mean you'll do it? Oh, sure. Yeah, I'll do it. Sure.

[Margie Cavendish]

Didn't I tell you?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, I'll go make arrangements for the ice right away.

[Margie Cavendish]

Gee, Pa, wait until I tell March. Gosh, she'll be as proud of you as I am.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, Bill, I think now we're never going to get to the South Seas. We're shoving off just like I said. How we going to get the calicoes in the how? From Adam Kelly. He's going to buy him for us. Bill, you crazy again. When Kelly finds out that we're in the fish business, he'll borrow us $300 just to get rid of the competition. You please, my fellow. All right. But this Miss Jenny gonna get one big disappointment. No, no, she won't feel bad. Why, I. I might even take her with us to the South Seas. Won't finish up that mast. I'm going to town and. And do some high p. Hey, Bill, all this box is full of calico, see? We sure going to do plenty business with us. How she? Sure we are. Now hurry up and get. Get them down below. What about Ginny? You. You polo yet? Of course not. I just looked in on a cabin. She sound asleep. She sure like to live on this schooner. I'll quit Stalin. Quite Switzerland. We'll be getting tied in about three hours. Bill, what Ginny gonna say when she find out we're going to this house? She ain't going to find out. We'll just tell her we're going on a shakedown cruise and later. Hello, Ginny. Say, what are you doing up at this hour of the night?

[Margie Cavendish]

I thought you and Pico was the best move.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, we were just taking on some supplies, that's all.

[Margie Cavendish]

You're not fooling me. To us, we.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, I ain't a.

[Margie Cavendish]

They've been counting on you, Mr. Patel and all the fishermen. They were gonna make you captain the whole fishing fleet.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Who wants to be a captain of the fishing fleet? We're going to the South Seas. Jenny. Instead of smelling fish, we're gonna smell them that coconuts.

[Margie Cavendish]

Pa, please, you just gotta help the fishing.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

This is the only chance I've got and I'm gone. We're leaving tonight.

[Margie Cavendish]

All right, then, Pa. Go ahead. But I'm not going with you.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Jenny. Ginny, where you going? Jenny.

[Margie Cavendish]

Oh. Oh, is that you, Aunt Letty? Virginia, my darling. What's the matter? Aunt Letty, I want to go home. Could you come for me in the morning? Why, of course, dear. You're not ill? I'm all right. I just want to go back home. It's that worthless father of yours. Oh, please don't call names. Please. Can you come and get me? Certainly, dear. I'll be there early in the morning. Thank you, Aunt Letty. Good night. Oh, Mr. Betsy. Child, what's wrong. It's pa doesn't stick up for his friends. He doesn't care what happens to Mr. Patilla and all the others. He's gonna run away to South Seas. Why, that? No, I know just how you feel, honey. When you love somebody, you want to be proud of him. And when you can't, it just hurts, that's all. But don't you worry. I'm having a little talk with Bill Johanneson right now. So run away, huh?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, doggone it. March. What do you want to scare me like that for, Bill?

[Margie Cavendish]

You've been nothing but a disappointment to me ever since I laid eyes on you. I can forgive you for that. But I can't forgive you for breaking the heart of your own little girl.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Now what have I done?

[Margie Cavendish]

You wouldn't understand if I was to tell you. I come to get her clothes. She's going back home with her Aunt Letty.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Going back home? Why, she can't do that. I'll go up and talk to her.

[Margie Cavendish]

No, you ain't. You ain't gonna get around her with that oily tongue yours like you did me.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

You mean she. She wants to go home. She don't want to stay with her own pop.

[Margie Cavendish]

No, there ain't no ways two ways of talking about it, Bill. You just ain't no fit person to bring up a child.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, I'll go get her close, Marge. You tell her I said so long. And if she has time to. To send me one of them there picture postal cards. Will you marry?

[Margie Cavendish]

I'll tell her.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Hey, Bill, I got all the boxes below. Come on, Bill. The tire is starting to change. Bill, what's the matter with you? Shut up. You sick maybe, huh? All you do for two hours now is look on top of the water.

[Margie Cavendish]

You.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

You see something? Maybe I see my future career going out on the tide, and there's nothing I can do about it. Oh, well, you forget that when we get to South Seas. We ain't going to the South Seas, Bill. We're staying right here. Stop asking me questions. This ornery conscience of mine. First time in my whole life I ever had trouble outrasslin my inner self. Bill. What do you think you're gonna do? You're gonna help those fishermen like Ginny? She said no woman's gonna tell me what to do. Here, you take this, your telescope, and go up and give it back to Ginny before she goes away and get back here. We're loading up with ice the first thing in the morning. How you look, Bill, can you take Any more ice? Yeah, about three more ton, Joe. Yeah, about three more ton, Joe. Hey. Hey, there, you. Where do you think you're going, Pap? I'm coming aboard this vessel now, Dead Comet, you got a real sailing skipper aboard. Hey, you just pick up that duffel bag and get back where you belong. We're shoving off here any second now. I'm staying right where I am. I'm here to protect my little girl's interest in this ship. Does Marge know you're down here? That ain't none of your business. That's all the ice we got, Mel. Okay, Joe. Hey, stopped. Don't go give him any orders on my boat. Okay, Joe. Get on them sails, Pico. We're on our way. Stand by the castor. I'll cut that out. Gee, Pico, did you ever see a sweeter sailing ship in all your life? We should go fast, Bill. Fast? Shucks, Bill knew anything about sailing, he'd crack out them topsails. Pico, you know something? I think I've changed my mind. After all, I'm starting to smell them there coconut palms again. You think so? Ain't no reason why on earth why we can't keep right on sailing down to the South Seas. What's that? Yeah, but what are we going to do about Pops here? Oh, just chuck him overboard for the sharks. You better stop talking like that. Well, the sharks wouldn't eat him anyway. He's the too tough. Can you sail a dory, Pop? Can I sail? I can sail one from here to China. Well, you're going to sail one from here to San Pedro right now. Don't you try it, Bill Johansson. I'll have the law on you. Get that dory ready, Pico.

[Margie Cavendish]

Doctor.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

No use hollering for Marge, Pop. She can't hear you.

[Margie Cavendish]

Oh, yes, I can.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Margie, honey, what are you doing on board this ship?

[Margie Cavendish]

Say, you just stopped trying to scare

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

my pa. Oh, shucks, I was only fooling. Say, don't you know it's felonious to stow away on somebody's boat?

[Margie Cavendish]

And don't you know I wouldn't let you do any hard work on an empty stomach?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

You come aboard to be our cook?

[Margie Cavendish]

Got a stew on the stove right now.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Sure you ain't suspicious of me or nothing like that?

[Margie Cavendish]

Oh, of course you're all right, Bill. I just ain't taking no chances.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Well, that's different. Say, Ginny ain't hiding down below, too, is she?

[Margie Cavendish]

No, Bill. Ginny's gone off with her aunt.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, Well, I Will, I was just hoping. Hey, Bill, look. And that Kelly sheep out there, huh? Yeah, that's Kelly's refrigerator boat, all right. He. He's signaling to us. He's turning Bill to come up alongside. Well, let him come. We might as well get this over with now. Anytime. Hey, what's the idea? You handsome, flying that tuna flag on a con? I'm in the fish business, Kelly. You dirty double crosser. I gave you 300 bucks to keep your big nose out of my racket. Ah, don't worry about your money. You'll get it back with interest as soon as we're in port

[NHTSA Traffic Safety Announcer]

tonight. In your city, someone is walking their dog. Someone is crossing the street to their car. Someone's kid is riding a bike home. And they're counting on you to drive the speed limit. Speeding accounts for nearly 30% of traffic fatalities. And most of those crashes don't happen on the interstate. They happen on the streets where people live. Slow down. It's an act of care for the people around you. So remember, speeding catches up with you. Know the road and respect its limits. Presented by NHTSA now back to your podcast.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

You'll never get back to port. Now, you just follow me and see what happens. We're heading for them fishing banks right now. He did a. Bill, you asleep yet? Sure, I'm asleep. I'm worn out. First honest day's work you ever done. We sure fill up with tuna, Bill Fox. Sure got us closed in, Bill. Good thing we dropped anchor. Maybe she'll live by more. What's that noise? I hear something now. Call yourself a sailor? Snoring away in the Yankee Dragon. Good thing I'm aboard if we don't get drowned. Never seen such a helpless critter. Of course it's the old man. Who are you? What in donation you doing on this boat? I said Bill. Bill, help shut him up, will ya? He won't holler none now. Come on, Dixon, we got to get off of here.

[Margie Cavendish]

Somebody's on deck.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

I'm coming, Margie. Pico. Hey, wake up. Is that you, Pop? Why don't you come on, Dixon, get in here. Well, you never stop trying, do you, Kelly? Why, you two. Bit sizzle. Open the. So you. You're the one that tried to drive me before, huh? Hey, Dixon, get that belay in van. No, no. This here's a private fight, Pico. Okay, March. Maybe you better give me a hand here.

[Margie Cavendish]

Sure thing, Bill.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Get out of my way.

[Margie Cavendish]

Just a second, brother. I got him, Bill. He runs straight into the scoop net here.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Just set on him, Margie. And you better duck. Here comes Kel.

[Margie Cavendish]

They're coming to, Bill. What are they going to do with them now?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

You can get up now, honey. Turn them loose.

[Margie Cavendish]

Turn them loose?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Yeah, I ought to crack their skulls, but I. I got work for them to do.

[Margie Cavendish]

I got to get back home. Bill. I'm worried about Pat. He ain't feeling so good down there

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

hitting that little old man. Why, I oughta look. The fox blowing away. I. I don't like this wind, Bill. Gonna burn at the table, I think. Well, the harder the better. The sooner we'll get home. You ain't seen em in this tub. Home. You keep out of this here conversation. You can't start your engines with that water in the hole. We don't need no engine. Get on your feet, both of you. Well, what are you going to do with us? Make sailors out of you or angels? You two go forward and get on

[Margie Cavendish]

that anchor and jump from the captain's face.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Okay. And when that anchor's up, you two low down square skunks is going to man the pumps from here home. Marge here is going to be standing over you with this here Valiant pin. Now get going. Does the United States Coast Guard repeat on storm warning? Gale hurricane force moving north from coast to lower California velocity stories 70 miles. Wind increasing. All ships south of Point Vincenti seek shelter immediately. There will be a supplementary report in 10 minutes. Standby. Well, how did you get in here? Young lady, please.

[Margie Cavendish]

They said the Coast Guard could tell me. Have you had any words from the Three Sisters? She's my father's schooner.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Three Sisters? She left the fishing banks this morning for San Pedro.

[Margie Cavendish]

Then they're right in the middle of the storm. Isn't there anything you can do?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Not now, but they'll make it all right. She's a fine ship.

[Margie Cavendish]

I know she is.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

And the rest is up to the skipper.

[Margie Cavendish]

Then I guess I'm not worried. My pa's the skipper. He's just about the best sea captain there is. He'll bring her in all right. He's got to.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Three Sisters coming into port. She's safe. The Three Sisters is safe. Get down to the ducks, everybody. Bill's bringing her in. He's bringing her in. And now. And now the doc says that Pop's going to be all right. The coast guard is detaining Mr. Kelly and Mr. Dixon. All I got to say is. All I gotta say is. Virginny.

[Margie Cavendish]

Pa. I'm glad.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Ginny. Ginny. Gee. Gosh, I thought you were way across the country in Gloucester.

[Margie Cavendish]

When it came time to leave, I

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

just couldn't go, Pa. Gee geysh.

[Margie Cavendish]

Anyway, Margie told me you weren't really going to South Seas after all. You know what else she said? She said you're the best sea captain in the whole world.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Did she say that?

[Margie Cavendish]

And here, Pa. Here's Grandpa's telescope. I know he'd want you to have it because I know he'd be just as proud of you as I am.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, Ginny. Thanks, Margie. Hey, Margie.

[Margie Cavendish]

Oh, she's busy now, Pa. She's talking to somebody.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Who?

[Margie Cavendish]

Don't get mad, Pa. Minister.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Ginny, honey, how. How'd you like to be one of my brides maids. Together in holy wedlock and have pledged their faith each to the other and have declared same by joining their right hands? I now pronounce that you are husband and wife. You may claim the bride, William. Well, ain't I got her, Pa?

[Margie Cavendish]

He means you can kiss her.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Kiss? Kiss her?

[Margie Cavendish]

Certainly. Now, go ahead.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Oh, well, I'm. I'm game if you are, Margie.

[Margie Cavendish]

I'm waiting, Billy boy.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Our stars will return in a moment for their curtain call. Do you have a big family dinner on Sundays? It's good to see the folks, isn't it? But don't you sometimes wish you could serve dinner on paper plates? All morning you're in the kitchen making a pie, stuffing a chicken. Afterwards, there's a mountain of dishes to wash, what with Grandma and Grandpa, Sister Lil and Fred and their young Betty Jr, your husband and yourself. If your menu includes fruit sherbet, roast chicken, dessert and coffee, you'll have at least 73 pieces of silver and dishes to wash. Quite a stack. But do you know that less than 2 tablespoons of luxe Flakes will do all those dishes? Pretty thrifty, isn't it? That rate? You could wash the dishes for over 20 big Sunday dinners with just one big box of Luxe Flakes. And lots more dinners than that when your family's down to normal size. A big box of Lux does all those dishes. Because it goes further test prove that an ounce of Luxe Flakes actually washes up to twice as many dishes as an ounce of any of ten other leading soaps. And no matter how many dishes you have to wash, Lux will help your hands stay soft and smooth and lovely. Even if strong soaps have left your hands red and rough. Just changing to gentle Lux for dishes will make them lovely again. Why not change deluxe for your dishes? Here's your producer, Mr. William Keeley.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

Our thanks for a four star performance go to that able firm of Beery, Beery, Beery and Maine who come to the footlights for a curtain call.

[Margie Cavendish]

The Berry sure had me outnumbered tonight. They're a talented bunch, all right.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

And we're especially happy to welcome young Carol Ann to this stage. I'm sure she's headed for a great career.

[Margie Cavendish]

Thank you, Mr. Keeley. But you know, dad should take an extra bag.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

That's right. Today's his birthday.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

April 1st, eh?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Yeah, I'm afraid so, Bill. But I hope we're going to skip any jokes about April Fool.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

Well, if you say so, Wally. But it's too bad you couldn't have had it taken a day off for your birthday.

[Margie Cavendish]

A day off? Every time I have a birthday, I take a year off.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Marjorie, you surely can't be worried about your age. Not since the 96 Infantry Division voted you their occupation girl.

[Margie Cavendish]

They got stamina, those boys. What's the difference, Ms. Maine, between a pinup girl and occupation girl? Are you kidding, honey? You've got eyes, haven't you?

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

Well, Marjorie, I'm sure the 96th Division wouldn't have chosen you unless you'd been an inspiration to them.

[Margie Cavendish]

Well, they hurried back anyway.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

Wally, how come the Waxer Waves didn't elect you a pinup boy?

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Shucks, Bill. Of course it embarrasses me to tell about it, but they tossed a coin between me and Van Johnson. Two out of three. Two out of three, eh? Well, then it was three out of five, four out of seven, five out of nine, and so on until Van Johnson won.

[Margie Cavendish]

Well, and have you on my wall, Wally. Except I don't think you'd go so well with heliotrope design. I think dad looks much better against the background of our Jackson Hole ranch.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

Wonderful country up there in Jackson Hole, Wally.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Yeah, Bill. When the Theater Goes Sea by Bad Bascom, which Marjorie and I just finished with Margaret o' Brien for Metro Golden Mayor. They'll appreciate how beautiful that country is up there.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

I understand that picture is having its premiere in Wyoming this week.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

What are you presenting here on Lux next week, Bill?

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

Next Monday night, we're bringing our audience another colorful, exciting drama, Metro Golden May's western thriller, Honky Tonk. And our stars are Lana Turner and John Hodiak.

[Margie Cavendish]

I can see the audience approves the cast bell. I could kind of go for that Hordiac fellow myself.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

And Honky Tonk is a story made to order for them. The fast moving saga of a gentleman gambler. Quick on the trigger. Reckless both at love and dice, and a woman whose loyalty and deep devotion follow him to the dramatic climax of his dangerous career.

[Bill Johansson (Barnacle Bill)]

Sure sounds like an exciting evening, Bill. Good night.

[Narrator / William Keeley (Producer)]

Good night. And many happy returns

[NHTSA Traffic Safety Announcer]

tonight in your city. Someone is walking their dog. Someone is crossing the street to their car. Someone's kid is riding a bike home. And they're counting on you to drive the speed limit. Speeding accounts for nearly 30% of traffic fatalities. And most of those crashes don't happen on the interstate. They happen on the streets where people live. Slow down. It's an act of care for the people around you. So remember, speeding catches up with you. Know the road and respect its limits. Presented by nhtsa. Now back to your podcast.