Martin & Lewis Show 49-03-24 (AUD) Guest - Bob Hope

Summary

Podcast Summary: Martin & Lewis Show 49-03-24 (AUD) Guest - Bob Hope

Podcast Information:

• Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Episode: Martin & Lewis Show 49-03-24 (AUD) Guest - Bob Hope
• Release Date: May 8, 2025
• Host/Author: Harolds Old Time Radio
• Description: This episode features the iconic Martin and Lewis duo from the Golden Age of Radio, showcasing their dynamic interactions, comedic sketches, and a special guest appearance by Bob Hope.

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Introduction

The episode opens with the familiar announcement of the Martin and Lewis Show, introducing the guest of the evening, Bob Hope, along with other performers including Flo McMichael, Mike Roy, the Martingales, Dick Stabile and his orchestra.

[00:11] Announcer: "It's the Martin and Lewis Show. The National Broadcasting Company brings you transcribed the new Martin and Lewis Show."

Opening Banter and Comedic Tension

Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis engage in their signature friendly banter, setting the stage for the evening's humor. Dean asserts his role as the singer, prompting Jerry to humorously protest his relegated role as the comedian.

[00:55] Jerry Lewis: "I don't get no music."

[01:05] Dean Martin: "Jerry, I'm the singer on the show and you're the comedian. Remember that. And so stay in your place, will you?"

This exchange highlights the classic dynamic between the smooth-talking Dean and the slapstick Jerry, establishing their comedic chemistry.

Guest Appearance: Bob Hope

Bob Hope makes his presence felt early on, expressing a playful yet slightly melancholic sentiment.

[00:39] Bob Hope: "What a day this has been, what a rare mood I'm in."

Later, during a musical interlude, Bob performs his rendition of "Blackbird," showcasing his musical talent alongside the show's comedic elements.

[02:08] Bob Hope: "Pack up all my cares and woes Here I go while I'm singing low..."

Behind-the-Scenes Sketch: Preparing for the NBC Broadcast

A significant portion of the episode features a scripted sketch depicting Dean and Jerry preparing nervously for their first NBC radio broadcast. This segment provides a humorous glimpse into their backstage anxieties and camaraderie.

[04:02] Dean Martin: "Well, Jerry, this is our big day. We're actually going to do our first broadcast on NBC. Now, isn't that wonderful?"

[04:30] Jerry Lewis: "I wish I was dead."
Timestamp: [04:30]

[05:05] Jerry Lewis: "If they think we are that important, why don't they call us?"
Timestamp: [05:05]

These lines emphasize Jerry's comedic exaggeration and Dean's attempts to bolster his partner's confidence.

Interaction with the Studio Audience

Throughout the show, Dean and Jerry interact with various audience members, engaging in witty exchanges and improvisational humor. One notable interaction involves Jerry's humorous critique of his own hair and demeanor.

[22:44] Jerry Lewis: "Nobody does it. I just get out of bed and if I can't see anything, I know my hair is combed."
Timestamp: [22:44]

[23:01] Announcer: "Brillo."
Timestamp: [23:01]

These interactions showcase the duo's ability to create humor spontaneously, responding to audience input with quick wit.

Comedic Sketch: The Maid's Dilemma

A memorable segment involves a maid entering Dean and Jerry's apartment, leading to a comedic exchange about housekeeping and marital status.

[08:09] Dean Martin: "Well, of course. I take a bath every day."
Timestamp: [08:09]

[10:03] Maid: "Oh, it's not as simple as that. If I give you another his, then I'll have an extra hers..."
Timestamp: [10:03]

This sketch highlights the comedians' talent for situational comedy, blending absurdity with relatable scenarios.

Special Musical Performances

Dean Martin performs "Rockaby Baby," delivering a smooth and heartfelt rendition that contrasts beautifully with the show's comedic moments.

[16:51] Bob Hope: "Oh, Daddy made up this lullaby Just to sing it to you..."
Timestamp: [16:51]

Later, Dean records the song for Capitol Records, integrating a promotion seamlessly into the narrative.

Bob Hope's Anecdotes and Advice

Bob Hope shares humorous anecdotes from his career, offering both levity and genuine advice to the aspiring Martin and Lewis duo.

[27:13] Bob Hope: "You know, one time in New York, I lived for six months on nothing but donuts..."
Timestamp: [27:13]

Comedic Conflict and Resolution

Tensions rise humorously as Jerry critiques the band's direction, leading to a playful back-and-forth with Bob Hope and the orchestra.

[20:45] Jerry Lewis: "Hey, Dean, listen to what the orchestra's playing. They shouldn't do that."
Timestamp: [20:45]

[21:10] Jerry Lewis: "Thanks, Bob. Thanks, Bob, for I don't get no compliments."
Timestamp: [21:10]

These moments demonstrate the show's blend of scripted and improvised humor, maintaining audience engagement through dynamic interactions.

Closing Remarks and Gratitude

As the show concludes, Dean and Jerry extend their thanks to Bob Hope and the audience, emphasizing the importance of gratitude and community.

[39:43] Jerry Lewis: "We don't know what we'd have done without you. Since we arrived in Hollywood, you've always been willing to give us a helping hand..."
Timestamp: [39:43]

[40:48] Audience Member 3: "And so we thought there is one way we could show our gratitude. With the approach of Easter season, we'd like to suggest that you remember the annual drive for crippled children."
Timestamp: [40:48]

This segment underscores the show's commitment to social responsibility and the close-knit relationship between entertainers and their audience.

Conclusion

The Martin and Lewis Show 49-03-24 episode featuring Bob Hope masterfully blends comedy, music, and heartfelt interactions. Through scripted sketches and spontaneous audience engagement, Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis demonstrate their enduring appeal and comedic prowess. Bob Hope's guest appearance adds star power and depth, making this episode a quintessential example of Golden Age radio entertainment.

Notable Quotes:

• [04:30] Jerry Lewis: "I wish I was dead."
• [22:44] Jerry Lewis: "Nobody does it. I just get out of bed and if I can't see anything, I know my hair is combed."
• [39:43] Jerry Lewis: "We don't know what we'd have done without you..."

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This comprehensive summary captures the essence of the episode, highlighting key interactions, comedic moments, and the invaluable presence of Bob Hope. Whether you're revisiting the Golden Age of Radio or discovering it anew, this episode offers a delightful blend of humor and nostalgia.

Transcript

[Announcer]

It's the Martin and Lewis Show. The National Broadcasting Company brings you transcribed the new Martin and Lewis Show. Our guest tonight, Bob Hope. And featuring Flo McMichael, Mike Roy, the Martingales, Dick Stabile and his orchestra. And starring Dean Martin.

[Bob Hope]

What a day this has been, what a rare mood I'm in.

[Announcer]

And Jerry Lewis.

[Jerry Lewis]

I don't get no music.

[Dean Martin]

Jerry, I'm the singer on the show and you're the comedian. Remember that. And so stay in your place, will you?

[Jerry Lewis]

What do you want to stop pushing me around for the shows? I'll even start it. And already you're trying to be the big man. Go ahead, kick me. Step on me. Wipe your feet on me. You're always poking fun at me.

[Dean Martin]

Oh, Jerry, stop. I don't poke any fun at you. Think of all the times I've defended you.

[Jerry Lewis]

You defended me?

[Dean Martin]

Of course. Many times. You're so ungrateful.

[Jerry Lewis]

Ungrateful? What did you ever do for me? Give me a for instance. I'll gratitude you. Bad enough I found out tonight that 70, 30 isn't an even split. Now let's get back to that 60, 40. What do you say?

[Dean Martin]

Okay. Sure, Jerry. Whatever you say, pal. If you want 60, 40, you get it. Now, is it all right if I go ahead and sing a song?

[Jerry Lewis]

You don't mind to give me the 60 40?

[Dean Martin]

No, it's not.

[Jerry Lewis]

It's like this. You said, and it's easy. Not even a word. Go ahead, sing three, four notes.

[Bob Hope]

Pack up all my cares and woes Here I go while I'm singing low By. By Blackbird where somebody waits for me Sugar sweet and honey so is she By. By my black. No one here can love and understand me all the hard luck stories they all hand me so make the bed, honey Light and light I'm coming home late tonight Blackburn. Bye bye. No one here can love or understand me all the hard luck stories they all hand me so make the bed light the light I'm coming home late tonight Blackbird Bye bye.

[Announcer]

As you know, ladies and gentlemen, Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis are two young men who overnight have become the nation's comedy hit. And they're still rather dazed by it all. Now we take you back a few hours to this afternoon. We find the boys in their apartment getting ready, somewhat nervously, to go to NBC for their first radio show.

[Dean Martin]

Well, Jerry, this is our big day. We're actually going to do our first broadcast on NBC. Now, isn't that wonderful?

[Jerry Lewis]

Yes, wonderful. Dean.

[Dean Martin]

What'S the matter? Aren't you happy?

[Bob Hope]

About it.

[Jerry Lewis]

Happy? Oh, sure.

[Dean Martin]

Oh, buck up, Jerry. It's our big chance.

[Jerry Lewis]

Yeah, the opportunity of a lifetime. The greatest moment of our lives. We go down NBC. We walk out on a stage and face all those people and. Dean.

[Dean Martin]

Yeah?

[Jerry Lewis]

I wish I was dead.

[Dean Martin]

Well, it's the phone. It must be NBC again. What cowards we are. Why are we afraid to do our own radio show? After all, how big an egg can we lay?

[Jerry Lewis]

How big? Well, if we took a large hen and got it to hold back for two years.

[Dean Martin]

All right, Jerry, hold it. Oh, we've been acting like two frightened mice all day. We've got an ironclad contact to do the show. We gotta talk to NBC sometime.

[Jerry Lewis]

You're. I'm not a frightened mouse. Answer the phone.

[Dean Martin]

Oh, come on, Jerry. You answer it.

[Jerry Lewis]

Dean Martin. I will tell you why I will not answer the phone. Indubitably. That call is from NBC, and it is indubitably. They want to know where the heck we are. Because they are spending thousands and thousands of dollars and money to build a sensational comedy and musical extravaganza around us. And if they think we are that important, why don't they call us?

[Dean Martin]

Jerry, they are calling us. Who else could it be besides NBC?

[Audience Member 1]

Who else?

[Jerry Lewis]

Well, it could be a wrong number. A quiz show. Hey, a quiz show. They give you money just for answering a few questions. Give me that phone.

[Audience Member 2]

Hello?

[Jerry Lewis]

1492. Marie Antoinette and sulfuric acid. Ship the money.

[Dean Martin]

Jerry. We gotta get down to NBC right away. Let's go.

[Jerry Lewis]

Dean.

[Dean Martin]

Yeah?

[Jerry Lewis]

I'm scared.

[Dean Martin]

Look, we've done all right so far. We shouldn't be afraid. We did all right in nightclubs, didn't we?

[Jerry Lewis]

Yeah, but Those people paid $10 cover charge, so they had to like us. But at a radio show, the audience gets in for free. And at those prices, they can afford to hate us.

[Dean Martin]

But, Jay, this is what we've dreamed about. All the things we fought for. Who knows? This could make us famous.

[Jerry Lewis]

Yeah, famous.

[Dean Martin]

We could even become important actors.

[Jerry Lewis]

Yeah, important actors.

[Dean Martin]

Our names in lights, celebrities, stars in pictures.

[Jerry Lewis]

Yeah, names in lights, celebrities, stars in pictures. I can see it all.

[Audience Member 3]

Big hits in nightclubs. We're famous. Everybody wants us. Hal Wallace signs us for Paramount Pictures. NBC signs us for a radio show, we flop.

[Jerry Lewis]

Nobody wants us. Hal Wallace won't speak to us. Paramount hates us. We spend our savings. We can't get work. We're tramping the streets, starving. We stop and press our noses against the bakery window. And then what? I'm hungry.

[Dean Martin]

All right, Jerry, snap out.

[Audience Member 2]

Of it.

[Dean Martin]

We gotta get dressed and go.

[Jerry Lewis]

Well, I'm almost ready, Dean, but, gee, I start to shake all over when I think of tonight being on the same show with Bob Hope. Gee, he's a big star, Dean, and, well.

[Dean Martin]

Ah, don't worry. We'll get through it somehow. And by the way, Jerry, when you meet Bob Hope, don't make any cracks about his nose.

[Jerry Lewis]

No cracks about his nose?

[Dean Martin]

No, Just shake hands with it and let it go at that.

[Jerry Lewis]

Hey, that was a sterling one. Look, Dean, you're the singer and I'm the comedian, right?

[Dean Martin]

That's right.

[Jerry Lewis]

You're supposed to sing, and I'm supposed to tell the jokes and get the laughs. And yet you just told a joke and got a big laugh.

[Audience Member 3]

Don't do it no more.

[Jerry Lewis]

Come on, let's go down.

[Dean Martin]

Oh, not so fast. Now, let me take a look at you first. Stand up. Wash your hands.

[Jerry Lewis]

Yes, partner.

[Dean Martin]

Wash your face.

[Jerry Lewis]

Yes, sir.

[Dean Martin]

Behind your ears.

[Jerry Lewis]

Look, I'm just going on broadcast. I'm not gonna get married anyway. What about you? Did you bathe?

[Dean Martin]

Well, of course. I take a bath every day.

[Jerry Lewis]

You take a bath every day?

[Dean Martin]

Well, of course.

[Jerry Lewis]

Oh, Dean, I'm so unworthy of you.

[Dean Martin]

Ah, come on. Let's get out of this apartment.

[Jerry Lewis]

Who is it?

[Maid]

It's a maid. I have to come in and clean the apartment.

[Dean Martin]

Okay, come on in. We're just leaving anyway.

[Maid]

Oh, my goodness. Just look at the condition of this room.

[Jerry Lewis]

What's the matter with it?

[Maid]

It's clean.

[Dean Martin]

Well, then that's a break for you. You. You have no work to do.

[Maid]

I don't have any work to do. That's fine. I'm the maid and I'm supposed to clean the apartments every day. And if your apartment isn't dirty, then I don't have to clean it. And if I don't have to clean your apartment, I won't cle. I don't have anything to do for a half hour. So I'll go out in the hall and I'll light a cigarette. And the manager will smell the smoke and he'll come up to me and he'll say, what are you doing smoking a cigarette in the hall? And I'll say, I haven't anything to do right now. And he'll say, why aren't you cleaning the apartments? And I'll say, I didn't have to clean the apartments. And he'll say, oh, you don't have to clean the apartments, huh? You'll get mad and fire me. And all because your apartment is Clean. It's people like you who cause unemployment.

[Jerry Lewis]

Miss, there's one thing I don't understand.

[Maid]

What's that?

[Jerry Lewis]

Are you for real?

[Dean Martin]

Ah, miss, we're not trying to get you fired. Do the best you can. We have to leave. So come on, Jerry, let's go.

[Jerry Lewis]

Okay.

[Maid]

Oh, my goodness.

[Dean Martin]

Now what?

[Maid]

There's a discrepancy in the bathroom.

[Dean Martin]

A what?

[Maid]

One of you has to get married. The towels say his and hers and you're a his and his.

[Dean Martin]

Well, okay, okay, look, just put in two hiss and that'll fix it.

[Maid]

Oh, it's not as simple as that. If I give you another his, then I'll have an extra hers. And at the end of the week, I'll have 148 hisses and 149 herses. And the manager won't know why there's more herses than hisses because you don't know how many his there are in the building anyway.

[Jerry Lewis]

Okay, take all the towels out. All of them. From now on, we'll dry on new newspapers.

[Maid]

My, you're odd people.

[Jerry Lewis]

We ain't odd. We're entertainers. We're Martin and Lewis. And we got a radio show to do in a few minutes.

[Maid]

Oh, you're on the radio. What do you do?

[Dean Martin]

Well, one of us is a singer.

[Jerry Lewis]

And the other guy's the funniest comedian you ever heard. He tells big jokes, kills the peoples, gets big laughs. And he screams and people laughing, he's so funny.

[Maid]

Which is which?

[Dean Martin]

All right. Come on, Jerry. Let's go to NBC.

[Announcer]

Folks, let me ask a question. What about your future? Will it be a secure one? Well, the best way to guarantee security and happiness is to make your savings automatically and to be sure your savings are in an investment which is absolutely safe. So tomorrow, join the payroll Savings plan where you work. Under this plan, a sum is set aside from each paycheck, whatever amount you decide, and as it accumulates, it is invested in United States Savings bonds in your name. U.S. savings bonds, the finest, safest investment in the world. Today. You'll be astounded how quickly those bonds will pile up, ready to be used for an emergency. Meanwhile, they grow in value year by year. So see about the part payment Payroll Savings Plan tomorrow. Or if you are your own boss, ask your bank about the bond a month plan. Either way is a sure way to a happy, secure future. And you'll be joining with 80 million other Americans who are already shareholders in the greatest country on earth. Buy United States Savings Bonds.

[Dean Martin]

Well, this is NBC, Jerry. I'll park the car and you go on ahead.

[Jerry Lewis]

I'll wait for you, Dean.

[Dean Martin]

Oh, what are you afraid of? Buck up, Jerry. I never saw anyone so timid as you are.

[Jerry Lewis]

I can't help it, Dean. I'm so worried. I got butterflies in my stomach.

[Dean Martin]

Now, take an aspirin. The butterflies will go away.

[Jerry Lewis]

I took an aspirin. They're playing ping pong with it.

[Dean Martin]

Go ahead, Jerry. I'll meet you in front of the studio. Bye.

[Jerry Lewis]

Bye.

[Announcer]

All right, stand in line, folks, for the Martin and Lewis show. The line will move inside the studio in a few minutes.

[Audience Member 1]

Come on, Myrtle, let's get in line. All right, Louise. Oh, I just hope this Martin and Lewis show we're going to see is as good as. Ladies, be seated. You know, Myrtle, they've got the cutest comedian on. Ladies, be seated. Really? What does he do? He pulls the chairs out from under him. Oh, how ridiculous. You're always bringing me to these silly radio shows, Louise. Like that program, life begins at 80. What a foolish idea. Well, what's wrong with it, Louise? If I thought life began at 80, I'd have committed suicide 65 years ago.

[Jerry Lewis]

Pardon. Pardon me, ladies. Can you tell me how to get into the Martin and Lewis show?

[Audience Member 1]

We're going in, young man. Get in line behind us. We always come to see these new comedians the very first week.

[Jerry Lewis]

Oh, swell.

[Audience Member 1]

Yes, we have to. They usually don't last for a second week.

[Jerry Lewis]

They don't, huh? Well, you don't know Martin and Lewis. They're the best comedians in the whole world. And I say that for two very important reasons. Bread and butter.

[Audience Member 1]

Oh, I'm so anxious to see Dean Martin. You know me, Dean Martin's the whole show as far as I'm concerned.

[Jerry Lewis]

Mmm.

[Audience Member 1]

He really has talent.

[Jerry Lewis]

Now, wait a minute, lady. It takes two to make a team. Martin and Lewis, that's the team. They gotta stick together. That's the way it is with any team. Where would Fibba be without Molly? Where would Kaiser be without Fraser? And where would Drew Pearson be without President Drew? Doesn't quite fit, does it?

[Dean Martin]

Hey, Jerry, I parked the car. Let's go inside. What are you standing in this line for?

[Jerry Lewis]

Oh, it's Dean Martin.

[Dean Martin]

Hello, girls.

[Audience Member 1]

Mr. Martin, don't tell us that this odd looking young man is your partner.

[Dean Martin]

That's right. He's my partner, Jerry Lewis.

[Audience Member 1]

You see, Myrtle, I told you that Dean Martin was the whole show.

[Dean Martin]

Oh, now, just a minute, ladies. Jerry isn't so bad. In fact, he's a very nice guy. He's a Wonderful guy. Why, Jerry's the important half of our act. He's the talent. He's the one who gets all the laughs. He's the one the critics rave about. He's the one the people love.

[Jerry Lewis]

Oh, what a hand.

[Dean Martin]

Well, I'm sorry, we have to go, ladies. Come on, Jerry, we gotta rehearse.

[Audience Member 1]

What are you going to sing, Mr. Martin?

[Dean Martin]

I'd like to get you on a slow boat to China.

[Audience Member 1]

It's a deal. Get the tickets and I'll meet you at the dock.

[Dean Martin]

Come on, Jerry, let's get inside the studio.

[Announcer]

Here's Mr. Martin now. Step right up to the microphone, Mr. Martin. We're ready for your song.

[Jerry Lewis]

Yeah. You sing, Lee, and I'll lead the band.

[Dean Martin]

Lead the band? Jerry, do you know anything about leading a band?

[Jerry Lewis]

Do I know anything about leading a band? I just suggested leading the band and you had the nerve to ask me if I know anything about it.

[Bob Hope]

What do you.

[Jerry Lewis]

Well, no, but don't worry about me. You take care of the singing, and I'll take care of the conducting.

[Dean Martin]

You'll take care of the what?

[Jerry Lewis]

I said, you take care of the singing and I'll take care of the conducting.

[Dean Martin]

Why do you leave that last word up in the air? It's the end of a sentence. You're through with it. They're superior. You don't need it anymore. You would say I'm going to the corner, not I'm going to the corner. I mean, who talks like this?

[Jerry Lewis]

Well, you talk the way you want. I talk that way because listen.

[Dean Martin]

Okay, Jerry, if you're going to lead the band, go ahead and lead it.

[Jerry Lewis]

All right, men.

[Audience Member 2]

One, two.

[Bob Hope]

Oh, Daddy made up this lullaby Just to sing it to you soon as you learn this lullaby, you can sing it to your dolly too Ta da, ta la Play peekaboo with a star Pass you Bye, baby when shadows creep Dreamland is not very far Ta da Just like the angel you are Rockaby baby, now you're asleep Dreamland is not very far Just like the angel you are Rockaby baby, now you're asleep Tara. Tara Tar.

[Announcer]

Ah, lovely, Dean. Beautiful. Incidentally, folks, Dean Martin has recorded that number for Capitol Records. Friends, a good education takes money, lots of it. And certainly, you'll want your boy or girl to have every educational advantage when he starts out on his own, won't you? Well, to be sure the money will be there when you need it, start an educational fund now. Invest in United States Savings Bonds. They are guaranteed by your government if they're lost, stolen or destroyed. They'll be replaced without charge and they grow in value until in 10 short years you get back $4 for every $3 you invested. Now, that's real profit, isn't it? So plan a fund for your child's education. Join the Payroll Savings Plan where you work or if you are self employed, the Bond a Month Plan where you bank A steady investment in savings bonds now will ensure your child's college training in the future. Buy United States Savings Bonds.

[Jerry Lewis]

Hey, Dean, listen to what the orchestra's playing. They shouldn't do that.

[Dean Martin]

Well, why not, Jerry?

[Jerry Lewis]

Sounds like the Bob Hope Show. Hey, Dick.

[Audience Member 1]

Stabile.

[Jerry Lewis]

Hold it. This is the Martin Lewis Show. Steiner's two sensational partners, Bob Hope and Swan.

[Dean Martin]

Tu.

[Audience Member 2]

Thank you.

[Jerry Lewis]

Yes, sir.

[Audience Member 2]

Those two sensational partners, Bob Hope and Swan Soap. The famous floater and the famous sinker. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here tonight to. To perform a very pleasant task. As you must know by now, Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis are two young and very talented fellows whom NBC has adopted. I'm sure they'll bring you many hours of top entertainment. I'm sincerely honored to be here and welcome to the network the handsome, talented, gorgeous voice, Dean Martin.

[Dean Martin]

Well, thanks, Bob, for all the wonderful compliments.

[Audience Member 2]

And his partner, Jerry Lewis.

[Jerry Lewis]

Thanks, Bob. Thanks, Bob, for. I don't get no compliments.

[Dean Martin]

Jerry. Is that any way to talk to Bob after he comes all the way down here to wish us luck? I think it's very swell of him.

[Audience Member 2]

Oh, it's nothing. I didn't have anything else to do this evening. It's the maid's night off. But I know how it is when you're starting a new show. It seems like only yesterday that I was worrying about my radio program. In fact, it was only yesterday.

[Dean Martin]

Well, we really appreciate this, Bob. We figured we need plenty of help to succeed in Hollywood.

[Audience Member 2]

Oh, I'm sure you're going to be very successful, Dean.

[Dean Martin]

Well, how about Jerry?

[Audience Member 2]

Yeah, how about that?

[Jerry Lewis]

Oh, come on, Mr. Hope, stop making with the jokes like that. You promised you'd make us seem funny.

[Audience Member 2]

Well, don't worry about it, Jerry. No comedian's ever going to top that top of yours. Tell me, who does your hair? Are you bangy?

[Jerry Lewis]

Nobody does it. I just get out of bed and if I can't see anything, I know my hair is combed.

[Dean Martin]

Well, Jerry can't help the way his hair looks, Bob. You see, when his parents found him on the doorstep, they threw him away and raised a Fuller Brush sample.

[Audience Member 2]

That's hair, huh? He looks like the boy with a Green.

[Announcer]

Brillo.

[Jerry Lewis]

What'S the matter with my hair? It's hair, ain't it?

[Audience Member 2]

Are you asking or telling?

[Jerry Lewis]

I'm wondering.

[Audience Member 2]

Well, there's nothing wrong with it. And it's just that you look like you're standing with your back to a high wind.

[Jerry Lewis]

It just grows that way. And I'm not standing with my back standing. High wind. On a contrary.

[Audience Member 2]

Look, Bebop, were you born or did your mother miss a question on truth or consequences?

[Jerry Lewis]

Listen, what's wrong with it if I happen to like my hair rather short?

[Audience Member 2]

Rather short? What does the barber use, scissors or sandpaper?

[Dean Martin]

Oh, the barber uses scissors, but he works from the inside.

[Audience Member 2]

And he sings, too, you know.

[Jerry Lewis]

Can I go now?

[Audience Member 2]

Yeah, anytime. That's all we can get with that go. It's all right.

[Jerry Lewis]

Well, it just so happens I have to keep my ass short, Mr. Hope. Every time I let it get any longer than this, my knees buckle. It didn't fake.

[Audience Member 2]

Can I go now? Well, I want to tell you, you boys are going to be working pretty hard from now on. So, Jerry, you've got to build up your strength.

[Jerry Lewis]

What do you suggest, Mr. Hope?

[Audience Member 2]

Put something in your pot, Bo.

[Dean Martin]

Oh, Jerry will fill out when he gets a little older. Bob, you know, he's not as old as some comedians.

[Audience Member 2]

Got another high wind here. Don't look at me when you say that, you West Point victim own. You're looking at a man of 31, you know. No laugh.

[Jerry Lewis]

31. 31. 31.

[Audience Member 2]

He keeps doing it till he gets a good reading.

[Jerry Lewis]

Wait a minute, Mr. Hope. I saw your birth certificate, and you're not 31. Jerry, don't try to stop me. Dean, the birth certificate said born in 1910, and this is 1949. You're not 31, you're 35.

[Audience Member 2]

Thank you, Joel Kupperman. Nice counting. Did you hire an income tax man this year, or are you leaving us soon?

[Dean Martin]

Well, you see how young he is, Bob. It was embarrassing when we were working in nightclubs.

[Audience Member 2]

It was embarrassing, yes.

[Dean Martin]

After we finished our act, Jerry would step up to the bar and order three fingers of Mead's Formula with a Pablum Taser.

[Audience Member 2]

I know. The other night he was on my show. After every joke he told, I had to throw him over my shoulder and burp.

[Jerry Lewis]

Now, listen, you two, it's all right for you to stand there and vituperate my adolescence, but I will have you.

[Audience Member 3]

Know that Jared Lewis is capable of.

[Jerry Lewis]

Exuding as much sophistry as anyone else.

[Dean Martin]

Jerry.

[Jerry Lewis]

Yes?

[Dean Martin]

Your safety pin is unfastened again.

[Audience Member 2]

Yeah, and you can see the inside of your head.

[Jerry Lewis]

All right. You fellas are just jealous because when I go over to Paramount, Jane Russell holds me on her knee.

[Audience Member 2]

What do you think she holds me or you peaked?

[Dean Martin]

You know, Bob, we envy you, making pictures with all the big stars. Did you have a hard time getting started into show business?

[Audience Member 2]

Hard, Dean?

[Dean Martin]

Yeah.

[Audience Member 2]

You know, one time in New York, I lived for six months on nothing but donuts. Every time I'd ask an agent for a job, I'd get so nervous I'd break out in powdered sugar. Fortunately, I had a partner who broke out in cold coffee.

[Jerry Lewis]

Really, Bob, we'll always remember one thing, though. You were so wonderful to us when we first came to Paramount, when we were poor and hungry. Why, we couldn't even afford to split one of those 50 cent box lunches.

[Audience Member 2]

Oh, it was nothing.

[Dean Martin]

Nothing? You call it nothing making us a special one for a quarter.

[Audience Member 2]

Well, I came out all right. I just used less swan soap in the salad. Hey, you boys are making a movie now. How do you like acting, Jerry?

[Jerry Lewis]

Oh, it's great, Bob. What scenes I have, what lines I deliver, what emotion I portray. My one saying. I said, you1 saint.

[Audience Member 2]

Start over. It's tape. Crosby starts 10 times a night. Go ahead.

[Jerry Lewis]

I better hurry. You'll be here till Christmas, all right. Why, yes. Not really. In one scene, I say to the girl, Bob, I say, the world may.

[Audience Member 3]

Think of me as a nobody, but Gwendolyn in your arms, I'm a bird soaring up in the blue. I'm a flower pushing up my head through the soil. I'm a moth floating helplessly into your burning flame.

[Jerry Lewis]

Boy, that's emoting, isn't it? How do you like that, Bob?

[Audience Member 2]

Hello, Mort. Jerry, tell me one thing.

[Jerry Lewis]

What's that?

[Audience Member 2]

Are you for real?

[Jerry Lewis]

Now, you just wait a minute, Mr. Hope. That's my line. I don't care if you are Bob Hope. No comedian's supposed to steal another comedian's lines.

[Audience Member 2]

Okay, runtime, what are you gonna do about it?

[Dean Martin]

Hello, Mort.

[Jerry Lewis]

Say, Bob, we saw you in a picture. No kidding? With Dorothy Lamortier tonight. It must be exciting working with her.

[Audience Member 2]

Oh, it's nothing, really. My Adam's apple ought to stop jumping any day now.

[Jerry Lewis]

How about that scene where Dorothy was dancing the hula? She started out slowly, but when she shifted into second.

[Audience Member 3]

Wow.

[Audience Member 2]

You should. You should have seen the part they cut out. She was in overdrive.

[Dean Martin]

You know, I bet that film is still flopping around on the cutting room floor. I get the good One.

[Audience Member 2]

I had one that I thought was pretty good, but you ruined it. Right now. Would you mind trying your line once again?

[Dean Martin]

All right. You know, I bet the film is still flopping around on the cutting room floor.

[Audience Member 2]

Yeah. Only last week they finally beat it to death with a stick. Thank you very much. Say, by the way, fellas, I'm throwing a little reception for you guys tonight after your show.

[Dean Martin]

Oh, reception for us? You hear that, Jerry?

[Audience Member 2]

Yeah. Can you get some girls, or is this too sudden?

[Jerry Lewis]

We'll be.

[Audience Member 2]

Oh, step. All of us. Nothing at all. You whip just me.

[Jerry Lewis]

Ye. Would you mind?

[Audience Member 2]

You're not exactly saratan to me, you know. Will, Will you please read lampshade head? Sorry. No, I'm sorry. You can cut that line out too.

[Dean Martin]

I guess, too, huh?

[Jerry Lewis]

Yes.

[Audience Member 2]

Oh, my.

[Jerry Lewis]

We'll be there, Bob. The kind of girls we know. Nothing's too sudden.

[Audience Member 2]

Wait, I'll get my hat and go with you. And another thing. And another thing, fellas. It's gonna be a formal party.

[Jerry Lewis]

It's formal.

[Audience Member 2]

Yeah. Bring your own pool cue. It's really gonna be a swell affair.

[Dean Martin]

Sounds good, Bob. Are you gonna have champagne? I get a straight line, Penny.

[Audience Member 2]

It's funny how those strange words came out. All right.

[Jerry Lewis]

You know, I don't want you guys to get upset, but I don't like how. Well.

[Audience Member 2]

Don'T worry. I could never match that hair. I'm having trouble growing it back here. Now, would you mind feeding me again? If you don't mind.

[Dean Martin]

Sounds good.

[Bob Hope]

Bob.

[Dean Martin]

Are you going to serve champagne?

[Audience Member 2]

No, I couldn't get any champagne, so I'm serving seven up in coke. Nobody will know the difference.

[Dean Martin]

Wait a minute, Bob. No one would take seven up and Coke in preference to champagne.

[Jerry Lewis]

I would, but I'm only 23 years old. What do I know?

[Audience Member 2]

This kid's really going to live. Tonight at midnight, he'd be drinking Ovaltine from Margaret o' Brien. Slipper.

[Dean Martin]

Well, it's awfully nice of you, Bob, to invite us.

[Audience Member 2]

I'm sorry.

[Dean Martin]

Please.

[Jerry Lewis]

Well, I hope you folks are enjoying our career.

[Dean Martin]

Well, it's awfully nice. It's awfully nice. I'll get this line in yet.

[Audience Member 2]

Boy, I hope you have it right. When you get your chance, go ahead.

[Dean Martin]

It's awfully nice of you to come over for our hour show and to invite us to your party. Who's going to be there?

[Audience Member 2]

We'll need an hour to hatch this thing. Where are we? You got me confused. You've read every line on this page. And. And. And after looking it over you can have them.

[Dean Martin]

Now try this one.

[Jerry Lewis]

May I. May I ask. May I ask a question?

[Audience Member 2]

I didn't get your name. Why not? Why not? I'm helping to kill you, too. You might as well step in, Jer.

[Jerry Lewis]

Step in, Jerry Colon. Listen, I just, I. I just wanted to tell you fellas that the, the man.

[Audience Member 3]

The man in the control room is laughing, but he's burning.

[Audience Member 2]

We're very lucky if he's still with us, isn't he? He must be nailed down. Go ahead.

[Jerry Lewis]

Yes, Bob, who is going to. Yes.

[Audience Member 2]

Is that it? This may put Mortimer out of business. You know what you say. I'm sorry, Dean, I didn't mean to ignore you.

[Dean Martin]

Said it's awfully nice.

[Audience Member 2]

Sing like mad, don't you? Where would you say right now I.

[Dean Martin]

Wish I were singing. Look, it's awfully nice of you, Bob. Yes, there, that's you. To invite us to your party. Now, who's going to be there?

[Audience Member 2]

Oh, I've asked a lot.

[Dean Martin]

Oh, oh.

[Jerry Lewis]

I love.

[Audience Member 2]

I love those lines where they go upstairs for the last roll.

[Dean Martin]

So long, goodbye, Kendrick penis.

[Audience Member 2]

Nothing like getting a fresh start.

[Jerry Lewis]

I say, are you sure Abbott and Costello started this way? Oh, hello there. We're doing a quartet now.

[Audience Member 2]

Bob, I'm still talking. Is that a doll?

[Dean Martin]

Who's going to be there at the party? Oh, they're going to do a lot of.

[Audience Member 2]

Here we go, here we go.

[Dean Martin]

All right, let's go.

[Audience Member 2]

Well, I'll tell you.

[Dean Martin]

All right.

[Audience Member 2]

Why don't you read your line just for tape?

[Dean Martin]

Oh, well done. It's awfully nice of you, Bob, to invite us to our party. Who's going to be there?

[Audience Member 2]

Oh, I've asked lots of important people. The only thing is, does Jerry know how to act at a party?

[Jerry Lewis]

Do I know how to act at a party? Why, one time in the back room of a barbershop. Jerry.

[Dean Martin]

Bad libs get more mighty quiet here.

[Audience Member 2]

I'm only waiting for the queue. I'm not moving, brother.

[Dean Martin]

Jerry, hold it.

[Jerry Lewis]

Wouldn't it be funny if this was an audition?

[Audience Member 2]

Oh, CBS don't know how lucky they are. I was only thinking maybe Jerry will be a little raucous.

[Jerry Lewis]

Raucous?

[Dean Martin]

Me?

[Jerry Lewis]

Don't ever worry about Jerry Lewis being raucous. I'll make more noise than anyone.

[Dean Martin]

There.

[Audience Member 2]

Look, Steel Woolhead. I hope you understand I've invited big names, people of refinement and breeding and culture.

[Jerry Lewis]

Oh, that's all right. Refinement and breeding and culture pour out of me like sweat off a horse's neck.

[Audience Member 2]

He sounds Like a peeping. You gonna pull another bladder or are you through with that?

[Jerry Lewis]

What do you want from me? I didn't do not maybe when I'm in the business. As long as you.

[Audience Member 2]

I doubt if you'll make it.

[Jerry Lewis]

I'm trying.

[Audience Member 2]

You're a sweet boy, that's all.

[Audience Member 3]

You really think so?

[Audience Member 2]

I do. That's why I'm here. I'm not really after him. Say, where are we? Where'd we stop? You know, I don't know whether I should go after this line or not. You know, he sounds like a peeping Tom who got his peep caught in a small keyhole. That's what I said. It's going to be. It's going to be quite a party. I asked Cary Grant, Randy Scott, Barbara Hutton.

[Jerry Lewis]

Barbara Hutton? The heiress? Will she be there?

[Audience Member 2]

Well, no, she can't make it. But there'll be several girls from her store.

[Jerry Lewis]

Hey, Bob, really. I'd like to have a date with one of those big movie stars. Like Barbara Stanwyck, Elizabeth Scott or Diana Lynn. You think you can fix me up?

[Audience Member 2]

Not enough.

[Jerry Lewis]

Just a minute, Mr. Hope. There's just one thing I'd like to say to you. Perhaps I don't look as good as some others with a physique. But it's arbitrary to me. To any one of those persons that shouldn't have considered.

[Audience Member 2]

The cops are here.

[Audience Member 3]

Well, it was fun.

[Jerry Lewis]

Radio wasn't. Those nightclubs are still going. Boy.

[Audience Member 2]

Take it fresh, Jerry.

[Jerry Lewis]

Just a minute, Mr. Holt. There's just one thing I'd like you to. It's too close to the paper. I'd like you to know that people that have an opinion of someone that's got a physique like mine. May not consider themselves more or less on the position that I am not a. I've known many people that consider themselves, but not me when I'm well enough to arbitrate. And I'm not your up.

[Audience Member 2]

Would you mind repeating that?

[Jerry Lewis]

Yeah.

[Audience Member 2]

Say, never mind. I've got to go now. See you at the party tonight.

[Dean Martin]

Well, okay. All kidding aside, it was nice of you, Bob, to come down and help us get started. We really appreciate it.

[Jerry Lewis]

While we're talking this way, Bob. There's something Dean and I have been waiting. Wanting to say to you for a long time.

[Audience Member 2]

What's that?

[Jerry Lewis]

Well, Bob, we don't know what we'd have done without you. Since we arrived in Hollywood, you've always been willing to give us a helping hand when we lack courage and confidence. There was always you to go to we could confide in you when we feel blue and all alone in the world we could come to you with our troubles and Bob.

[Audience Member 2]

Yeah?

[Jerry Lewis]

You're the type of guy we've always wanted for a mother.

[Dean Martin]

Now, ladies and gentlemen, Jerry has something he wants to say for both of us.

[Audience Member 3]

Well, you know, Dean, one of the hardest things in the world is to say thanks. Because there's so many people in the world to say thanks to. There are those of you listening in your homes. There are the people here in the studio audience. There's NBC who made this broadcast possible. Our cast, Bob Hope, writers, producers. So many people.

[Dean Martin]

Yes, Jerry. And it's not just the people who are helping us today, but the people who first saw us in the little nightclub in Atlantic City where we first got together. And who liked us and believed in us. So you see, our thanks could go on forever.

[Audience Member 3]

And so we thought there is one way we could show our gratitude. Dean and I would like to remind you that there are others who are less fortunate. So, with the approach of Easter season, we'd like to suggest that you remember the annual drive for crippled children.

[Dean Martin]

Yes, and let's all pitch in and buy Easter Seals and help the kids who can't help themselves. Good night, everybody.

[Audience Member 3]

Good night. Folks.

[Announcer]

You just heard transcribed to Martin Lewis show, produced by Robert L. Red and written by Norman Sullivan, Dick McKnight, Ray Allen and Chet Castaloff. Bob Hope appeared through the courtesy of Paramount Pictures and soon will be seen in Sorrowful Jones. Next week our guest will be William Bendy. Tune in to your NBC station each Sunday evening at this same time for the Martin L. Lewis.