← Harold's Old Time Radio
Harold's Old Time Radio
Maxwell House Good News 38-02-17 (16) Guest - Jack Benny
01:02:20
Maxwell House Good News 38-02-17 (16) Guest - Jack Benny
Loading summary
Transcript1 lines
- [00:01]
Unnamed Teen Advocate
Use of flavored tobacco by teens is a crisis. Tobacco companies use flavors like cotton candy, watermelon ice and cool mint to hook kids like me. They seem harmless, but they aren't. Addiction to nicotine sets us up for a lifetime of health problems. Organ legislators can do something about it. Passing Senate Bill 702A will keep flavored tobacco away from kids. But there are just a few short weeks left for lawmakers to act. Take action to protect kids like me. @ flavorshookorgankids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund. For correct time, all the time. Wear a Bolivar. Trade in your old watch. Get a liberal allowance on a new Bolivar. Any Bolivar you choose. Maxwell House Coffee presents good news of 1938. Always and always have all glory. Our glory and wonder. Welcome to another hour behind the scenes in Hollywood, brought to you from Metro Goldwyn Mayor. Imagine yourself with us now on soundstage 30, sitting with the famous stars who have come to broadcast and to listen to our program tonight. You will hear Frank Morgan, Fanny Bryce, Alan Jones, Maureen o' Sullivan, director Jack Conway and Meredith Wilson. And anybody else that might happen to drop in. And here's your host for the evening, Robert Taylor. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, Bob. Well, Frank Morgan. What is it, Frank? Bob, I just wanted you to know I'm here. I was a little late. I've been trying out that. Trying to hire an orchestra for the house party I'm giving Saturday night. I'll bet that's going to be some party. Hiring an orchestra and everything, huh? Oh, yeah. I always hire an orchestra. Why, at my last party, I had The Philadelphia Symphony. 110 men and girls and. Oh, what a girl. Wow. Redhead. Let's see. Her number is Philadelphia. Philadelphia what? Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I know my geography. Yes, sir. I get road maps from all the gas stations when I stop for free water. But, Bob, I have you any idea where I can dig up a good orchestra? Money is no object. I. Well, what'll you pay him? Well, I'll. I'll give him my personal check for $200 or five bucks cash. Well, say, Meredith Wilson might like to make $5. What do you think of him as a musician? Well, it sounds like a good idea. Why doesn't he take it up? Oh, Meredith Wilson. Yes. Well, confidentially, Bob, he can't read a note of music. That has nothing to do with it. I can't read music and yet I play the cello fairly well. I play by ear. By ear? Don't you find that rather awkward? With the cello I don't think you know a thing about music. Well, I do too. You're just jealous, Bob. All right, all right. Now, let's say that Meredith Wilson's orchestra was to play an andante movement. Or an agitato movement or poco lento. Yeah. What's the difference? Yes. Well, that's what I say. What's the difference? Who cares? Let them play anything. What's the score? Who's playing? Oh, please, Meredith. Whistle while you work, Sam. Just whistle while you work. Put on that dream and start right into Whistle while you work so I'm a merry tune Just do your best and take the rest and sing yourself a song when there's too much to do don't let it bother you Forget your trouble Try to be just like a cheerful Shake a D and whistle while you work Come on, get sparkled up and start to whistle while you work Whistle while you work Put on that screen and start right into Whistle while you work so hum a merry tune Just do your best and take the rest and sing yourself a song when there's too much to do don't let it bother you Forget your trouble Try to be just like the cheerful chickadee and whistle while you. Come on, guess what you like it's time to whistle while you wait that was grand, Meredith. And incidentally, the song is from one of. The song is from one of the grandest pictures that ever came out of Hollywood. Walt Disney's magnificent Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. It's Walt's masterpiece. And just as fine for grownups as for children. And speaking of children brings me, of course, to that awful little girl who's become such a popular feature of our program. Here she is again with Hanley Stafford as her father. Baby Snooks. Hello, Daddy. Snooks, what are you doing up so early? What time is it? It's not eight yet. Is it seven? No, it's after seven. Well, it comes after seven. I know it does, but it's different with telling time. Why? Because it is. You have to figure with hours and minutes. Where? On the clock? Here, look at it. What's those black? Those are the hands. They point out the time. Where's the fingers? They don't have fingers. I got fingers. I know you have fingers, but those hands don't have any. How can they point, Snooks? They just indicate the time. Now, look. Every time that big hand makes a complete revolution of the face. Whose face? This face on the clock kind of face. I tell you, it is a face. It ain't got a mouth? Of course not. Has it got eyes? No. And it hasn't got a nose and it hasn't got ears either. You call that a face? Yes. Do you feel all right, Daddy? I feel fine. Will you stop interrupting me? All right, Daddy. Well, now, look at the clock. The big hand is the minute hand, and the little hand shows the hours. Now, these numbers all around the face each denote a different hour. Are you following me? Where are we going? We're not going anywhere. I'm trying to teach you to tell the time. Now, do you see these numbers on the clock? Uh huh. The number at the top is 12. When both hands point to 12, it's 12 o' clock. Understand? Uh huh. Good. Now, what is it? When both hands point to 12. Oh, it's 12 o' clock. Is it? Yes. Nearly 90% of kids who vape say flavors are why they do it. A lot of the flavors that I've heard are like peach, mango, watermelon. It makes it seem like more childlike and innocent. Oh, I tried this once. It won't be that much of a problem. But then eventually it becomes a problem. It's time to restrict the sale of flavored tobacco products in Oregon and protect our kids from nicotine addiction. Urge lawmakers to Pass Senate Bill 702A. Take action at flavorshookoregonkids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids action fund. Nearly 90% of kids who vape say flavors are why they do it. A lot of the flavors that I've heard are like peach, mango, watermelon. It makes it seem like more childlike and innocent. Oh, I tried this once. It won't be that much of a problem. But then eventually it becomes a problem. It's time to restrict the sale of flavored tobacco products in Oregon and protect our kids from nicotine addiction. Urge lawmakers to Pass Senate Bill 702A. Take action at flavorshookoregonkids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund. And I'm late for school. Oh, it's not 12 o' clock. Now, you just pay attention to what I'm telling you. All right, Daddy. Now, each time the big hand moves to another number, that's five minutes. And every time the little hand moves, an hour goes, where's it go, snooks? That has nothing to do with telling the time. All you have to understand is the movements of the hands. Now, let's see if you remember what I just explained. All right, Daddy. Here now, look at this clock. Now, you see, the little hand is between the seven and eight, and the big hand is on the seventh. Uh huh. All right. What does the clock say? Tick tock. Oh, it says 20 minutes to 8 and. Good heavens, I've got to get dressed and get the office. Look out, Snooks. Are you going to shave, Daddy? Yes, and don't trail after me. I want to watch you. Oh, all right, but don't pester me with questions. Why? Because I'll get nervous and cut myself with a razor. I just keep quiet now. All right, Daddy. Ow. Why do you get like that? See, I cut my face. Boy, look at that slice. It's a beauty. You like it, Daddy? No, I don't like it and I want you to let me finish. So don't make another sound. I won't remember. Now, Snooks, this razor's very sharp. Yes, Daddy. Will you be quiet? Mm. Good. Now just stand there and watch. All right. Oh, Snooks, you made me cut myself again. Now just get right out of here. I'll be quiet, Daddy. Well, you'd better. This razor pulls. What you doing now, Daddy? I'm stropping the razor. Why? Because it's not sharp. Yes, it is. How do you know? Cause it sharpened my pencils. All right. What? Now listen. How many times have I told you not to take my razor from the box? I didn't take it from the box. I found it in the kitchen. In the kitchen? What was my razor doing in the kitchen? Mama was cutting an linoleum with it. Snooks, I don't believe you. Now you're going to get a spanking. Why didn't you promise never to touch my razor? And didn't I promise to give you a spanking the next time you did? Uh huh. Well. Well, I didn't keep my promise, so you don't have to keep yours. Oh, no, you're not getting away with it this time, young lady. Come over here. You simply must learn to behave. There. All right. That doll. Oh, stop it. I didn't hurt you. Now come here and kiss Daddy and say you're sorry. There, that's better. Now, Snooks, I want you to tell me why I punished you. What's the matter now? That's just it. Just what? Faith? You give me a licking and you don't know why you did. Now here's Ted Pearson with some advice on coffee. You know, friends, there's more than fine full bodied flavor. More even than that deep down Satisfaction in the steaming, fragrant cup of Maxwell House coffee. Yes, grand as that is, there's something more. It's that friendly stimulation in a cup of Maxwell House coffee. The kind that buoys you up and never lets you down. Now, we've taken various ways of pointing out just what we mean by that friendly stimulation, but tonight I have an idea we can express it in a different way. Anyway, I'm going to try. I'm going to call on our maestro here, our own Meredith Wilson, to help me out. Meredith, do you mind? Why, not at all, Ted, if I can help. Well, then, Meredith, how would you tell us about that friendly stimulation that's in a cup of Maxwell House? Well, let's see. I think I'd set it to music. Ted, let's say the boys and I have been rehearsing for maybe five hours, and we're pretty well worn out, all of us. And by that time we're playing something like this. Then I know it's time for a little rest. And as we all file out, we're pretty apt to congregate in the coffee shop for a smoke and a cup of Maxwell house coffee. Well, 20 minutes later, we're back at our desks playing like this. Yes, Ted, once more. We're playing Allegro vivace. Or in other words, con brio. Or as one might further say, con Maxwell House. Well, I guess there are times one to alter. An old saying, music speaks louder than words, and this seems to be one of them. Well, thank you, Meredith. You certainly have expressed the friendly stimulation there is in a cup of Maxwell House coffee for all of us. And so, friends, when you're tired, maybe feeling out of sorts, a little low in spirits, and you need a really wholesome pickup, why, then take time at your meals to enjoy a tempting, fragrant cup of the coffee that buoys you up and never lets you down. Nice commercializing, Ted Pearson. Thank you, Bob. Now, I've relayed my message to our audience. I have a message for you. There's someone waiting to see you. Well, tell him to come back later, will you? I'm very busy now. Why? Because. Oh. Oh, it's Jack Benny. Thank you, Bob. Thank you. See, I can't be that good. Hello again. This is Jack Snooks Benny talking. And, Bob, I just dropped in here for a minute to thank you again for appearing on my program last Sunday night. It was a lovely gesture on your part, and we appreciate. Well, that's okay, Jack. I enjoyed every minute of it. It was a lot of fun. Yes, sir. We sure got a lot of laughs, didn't you? And the members of my cast got a big kick out of meeting you, Bob. It was my pleasure, Jack. You know what impresses me about your program, Jack? What, Bob? Well, the way your cast looks up to you, the way they respect you. Respect me? Oh, yes, yes. I've got them trained pretty well, Bob. You know, when I crack the whip, they jump. They sure do. Oh, yes. You know, when I want something done, I simply give my orders to Mary, Phil, Don and Kenny Baker. And Kenny does exactly as I say. But if things were bad before, Bob, you have no idea of the situation now. Since they met you, you'd think I was a stooge or somebody. Gosh, I didn't mean to start anything. Is there anything I can do? Bob, when you kissed Mary, you did enough. Really, folks, you never saw such a smack. Well, Jack, that kiss couldn't possibly affect Mary's feelings for you. No, but last Monday was my birthday. And the kiss she gave me. What's good for frostbite about? I got a warmer kiss from my high school principal when I graduated. I nearly killed that joke, too. One good joke and I have to kill her. Yeah, well, then you did go to school. What's that, Bob? You did go to school. Oh, definitely. Why? Back in Waukegan, they've got a halo around my dunce cap. But, Bob, I want to tell you the real reason for my being here tonight. Not that you need a reason on radio, you know, but I've. I've been listening to this program for the last 14 or 15 weeks. Oh, then you like our show? Well, Bob, I will say that it's a nice program. You know, it's nice, but it. No, really, it needs a little something to. Well, it. It could be stronger. Yeah. Well, what do you mean, it could be stronger? Well, Bob, I don't mean that you have to send it to a gymnasium or anything like that. I. But I said before, it is a nice program. Well, what do you mean? Nearly 90% of kids who vape say flavors are why they do it. A lot of the flavors I've heard are like peach, mango, watermelon. It makes it seem like more childlike and innocent. Oh, I try this once, it won't be that much of a problem. But then eventually, it becomes a problem. It's time to restrict the sale of flavored tobacco products in Oregon and protect our kids from nicotine addiction. Urge lawmakers to pass the Senate Bill 702A. Take action at flavorshookoreegoids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids action fund. Nearly 90% of kids who vape say flavors are why they do it. A lot of the flavors that I've heard are like peach, mango, watermelon. It makes it seem like more childlike and innocent. Oh, if I try this once, it won't be that much of a problem. But then eventually it becomes a problem. It's time to restrict the sale of flavored tobacco products in Oregon and protect our kids from nicotine addiction. Urge lawmakers to Pass Senate Bill 702A. Take action at flavorshookoregonkids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund. All right, now, don't pin me down. I mean. I mean, it's pleasant. Oh, yeah? You mean it doesn't go around and kick anybody in the face, huh? Well, you don't have to get ironic. I didn't come here to tear your program down. I merely came to give you constructive criticism. Yes, but Jack, I. I hardly think. This is quite the time of the place. You see, now, Bob, when I see a man drowning, I don't wait until he hollers for help. Well, what would you suggest? Well, Bob, look, let's analyze it. Now, since this show is an hour and mine is only a half hour, we must use twice as much showmanship. You think showmanship? Well, have you got any ideas, Mr. Barnum? Just call me Barney. Now, Bob, the only thing. Only thing that fits here. You don't mind my helping. The only thing that fits here is a very hot, swingy song. Now, take a tip from me, Bob. Have Judy Garland sing a rip snorting Zaz number. Is that what you would do? Definitely. And I ought to know. That's fine. So now, ladies and gentlemen, Alan Jones, our brilliant young tenor, will sing My Heaven on Earth. Thanks, Jack. Oh, it was nothing. It was nothing. Now the next. Heaven is a million miles away. Still I find it in mom's fool. Heaven is the only word we'll do. When I'm describing you. My heaven. Honest I have a new came in with you. I never knew that the real of living until what happened was. Came with a glance. Ringing Roman. That lucky chance was all I needed to fill my heart with a song. Loving you who isn't hard to explain. You're sweet, you're lovely and gay. Heaven's loss has been my greatest gain. For nothing an angel like you can. My heaven on earth. You're in my arms, you're in my heart. You're all a treasure so who can measure your worth? You're my heaven honor you're special, lovely and gay Heaven's loss has been my greatest gain for letting an angel like you get away My heaven and earth holding my arms. Thank you. Well, Jack, the folks seemed to go for Alan's song, didn't they? Yeah, Judy Garland looks entirely different in pictures. Bob, I've met Jones before. He seems to be. Seems like a very nice chap. An intellectual sort, ain't he? Yes, yes, he sure is. You know, after meeting Kenny Baker last Sunday, I would say that Alan is the exact antithesis. Well, what is that, Bob? I. I say Alan is the exact antithesis. Well, yes. Yes, he is. If I knew what it meant, I could be even more definite. Of course, Bob, Kenny is a very amusing boy. Though he does say the most ridiculous things. I mean, when I talk to him, whenever I ask him anything, I get the silliest answers, you know. You've heard them. Like this morning, for instance. What'd you ask him? To take a cut. He was polite, though. He said, go soak your head, please. Oh, you hobbit. Well, of course, Alan is a different type entirely. Yes, I'd like to talk to him. Just in case Kenny ever happens to read his contract, you know. Yes, well, I. I want you to meet everybody, Jack. Oh, Alan. Yes, Mom? You know Jack Benny, don't you? Well, I'm very glad to see you again, Alan. Well, I won't work for a cent less than Kenny Baker. Yeah, Dan wasn't in the script. Biting the hand that might feed you, eh? I merely wanted to compliment you on your voice, Jones. Although I don't think it was the proper selection. What do you know about it? Well, to put it conservatively, everything. See, Alan, this show needs all the help that I can give it. Now, wait a minute, Jack. Wait a minute. This show doesn't need anything. Well, you're just being stubborn, that's all. Now, you. You take your musical selections. In the first place, I don't like the arrangements. Well, what's the matter with him? Now, you keep out of this, buddy. Who asked you to butt in anyway? Listen, Jack, this is Meredith Wilson, our conductor. Oh, oh, oh, now, look, Mr. Wilson, I. Yeah, sounded like Edward Horton then, and I. Oh, oh, now, look, Mr. Wilson, I was just telling Bob that the arrangements of your selection should have a little more schmous. You know, sounder construction in the bass and let the melody carry itself, you know. Well, Mr. Benny, when I want your advice, I'll send for you. And I didn't send for, well, a Phil Harris without curls. Yeah, you're a Clark Gable without hair. Nearly 90% of kids who vape say flavors are why they do it. A lot of the flavors that I've heard are like peach, mango, watermelon. It makes it seem like more childlike and innocent. Oh, I tried this once. It won't be that much of a problem. But then eventually it becomes a problem. It's time to restrict the sale of flavored tobacco products in Oregon and protect our kids from nicotine addiction. Urge lawmakers to Pass Senate Bill 702A. Take action at flavorshookoregonkids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund. Drivers who switch and save with Progressive could save hundreds. With that kind of money, you could go big time on a fancy water bottle with ultra titanium alloy Met. You're not sure why you need all that. I mean, it just holds water. But you're getting it anyway. Because if you're hiking near an active volcano and you accidentally drop the bottle into molten lava, your water will still be icy cold. Switch to Progressive and you could save big time for water bottles. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates not available in all states. Potential savings will vary. Who said that? I did. Don Wilson isn't here. Jack, this is Ted Pierce. ANNOUNCER. Hello, Pearson. And that crack about my hair wasn't very funny. I have plenty of hair. It just happens that I have a high forehead, that's all, ladies and gentlemen. Speaking of Jack Benny's head, buy Maxwell House coffee in the super vacuum tin. Well, this is a fine way to run a program. A common commercial plugs right in the middle. You better beat it, Tip. See that Pearson has got some nerve for a guy with only one flavor. But Bob. Anyway, now that I've got your show rolling along, an idea strikes me that right here Meredith Wilson must play a sock number. Well, is there any particular number you can suggest, Jack? Well, I. How. How about Rosalie? No, no, not Rosalie. That number's the worn out. Let him play anything. Anything but Rosalie. Bob. See? Hey, I trapped them, folks. That's the number I really wanted. Always and always Exiles the I glory all glory and wonder of you Always and always My long will your glory to heaven under all life is strange and heaven the changing doesn't make me the mor but through all the centuries I endure all will be always together Forever and ever for always and always I know Living together forever and ever for always and always My heart goes on beating I know it's creating now, Bob. I Think right here. I ought to play a violin solo. Jack, go away. Oh, all right. A little class wouldn't hurt this program. Meredith, that was a grand job on Always and Always. It sounded swell. Oh, really? I wasn't listening. Oh, say, Bob. Oh, there you are, Frank. Are you here again? Am I here again? Why, yes, I think so. I'm sure I'm around someplace. I can hear my voice, can't you? Yes, I guess you're here all right. Well, that's fine. Then we won't bother looking for me. Let's get going, Bob. Now, we don't want to be late. Late? Late for what? The premiere. This is the most exciting opening night in Hollywood's history. Why, everybody who is anybody will be there. Believe me, I had to use plenty of influence to get you invited. And now you hesitate. Don't get. Where is this opening night? At Grauman's Chinese Theater? No, no, no. At Tisha Bov's Turkish Bath. It's a. It's a formal affair, you know. I'm wearing a top hat, white tie and a black towel. Do it right, I always say. No, thanks, Frank. I'm not going to the opening night of any Turkish bath. Oh, but, Bob, I got two front row seats in the steam room. We'll have a hot time. And they tell me it's a very stylish place. Yeah, what can be stylish about a Turkish bath? Well, in the ordinary Turkish bath, you have to take a shower before you go into the pool. Yeah, well, but in this place, they make you take a shower before you take a shower. Very sanitary. Now, you better count me out, Frank. But you'd better go. You certainly look flabby. Well, that's because I ex. I exercise. Who looks flabby? Why, Bob, you can't be serious. You know, I'm the perfect physical specimen. Why, only this morning I ran 100 yards in eight seconds. Eight seconds? Yes. It takes Jesse Owens nine and two fifths seconds to run 100 yards. Yes, but I know a shortcut. Why, when I was in the Olympics in 1914. I didn't know that you were in the Olympics. Well, neither did I until just now. Of course I was. Well, Bob, I was the sensation of the Olympics of 1918. I thought it was in 1914. My time flies, doesn't it, Bob? I'm sorry you missed me in those Olympics. 1922. Let's see, they were held in the southern part of Europe. Yugoslavia. Yes, and I go skiing, too. Oh, you go Slavia. That's the Country? I thought you were clearing your throat. Bob, there's nothing like outdoor sports to keep you fit. Why, right here in California, I exercise every day. If it isn't raining, you should see me make a standing broad jump. And I'm a wizard at those old Grecian sports. Throwing the javelin, pole vaulting. What about the discus? Oh, the discus. Well, I make my wife wash them. I. I wear the pants in my house with an apron over them. Yes, Frank, I think America will acknowledge that you're definitely a manly type. Oh, thank you, Bob. Yes, You're. You're one man who is the absolute personification of mascot, masculine charm. Yes. The epitome of dashing virility. Oh, what do you hear from the dictionary? You know, Bob, I didn't know that I was so good. I'm going right out and hire a press agent. So long. I'll see you next. Yes. Oh, Bob, who was that fellow? It was Frank Morgan. Morgan. What does he do? What does he do? Well, I'll tell you what he does. He occupies the position of being radio's number one comedian. Oh, you mean number one on this program? Number one on this program or any radio program. Oh, well, you mean not counting Sunday nights, of course. Yes. Counting Sunday nights or any night, he's the funniest man in the country. Well, that's open for discussion, you know. No, that's closed. Well, I've just opened it, and it's going to stay open if we have to run into Bing Crosby's program. You may think that Morgan is comical just out of sentiment. Yeah. You know the old saying, people on the same program are thicker than water. You know what I mean? I don't. Well, whether you think he's funny or not, did you hear the people laughing? Yes, they were laughing. They're happy. Things are getting better everywhere. That's why. I'll tell you why they were laughing. They were laughing because, Frank, use of flavored tobacco by teens is a crisis. Tobacco companies use flavors like cotton candy, watermelon ice and cool mint to hook kids like me. They seem harmless, but they are. Addiction to nicotine sets us up for a lifetime of health problems. Organ legislators can do something about it. Passing Senate Bill 702A will keep flavored tobacco away from kids. But there are just a few short weeks left for lawmakers to act. Take action to protect kids like me. @ flavorshookorgankids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund, drivers who switch and save with progressive could save hundreds with that Kind of money you could go big time on a fancy water bottle with ultra titanium alloy metal. You're not sure you need all that. I mean, it just holds water. But you're getting it anyway. Because if you're hiking near an active volcano and you accidentally drop the bottle into molten lava, your water will still be icy cold. Switch to Progressive and you could save big time for water bottles. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates not available in all states. Potential savings will vary. Morgan is very funny. Do you get it, Frank? Morgan is funny. What? I said Frank. Mortgage. Morgan is funny. Well, you're just in a rut, that's all. You probably think Jeanette McDonald has a better voice than Andy Devine. I've never heard. And now, friends, once more, it's time for that friendly custom of ours on these programs. I mean, a visit to the old Maxwell House here on the lot for a steaming cup of Maxwell House call coffee and Meredith, will we enjoy our coffee with the music that goes with it? We now pause briefly for station identification. KFI Los Angeles. This is Robert Taylor again, ladies and gentlemen, and we're continuing our good news of 1938. Hello, Bob. Well, Maureen O' Sullivan, ladies and gentlemen. I'd like you to meet the lovely lady who appeared opposite me in A Yank at Oxford, the picture we made in England last summer, Ms. Maureen O' Sullivan. Thank you, Maureen. It's. It's thrilled to see you again. Won't you you sit down a minute and listen to the music? Well, Bob, I understood that is. Wasn't I to do a scene from A Yank at Oxford at this point? Well, no, not right now. The drama comes a little later in the program. Oh, that's strange. The gentleman in charge out there just told me to go right ahead now. Gentleman in charge? Yes, Mr. Bernie. Mr. Oh, wait a minute, Wait a minute. Hey, Jack. Oh, just a minute, Bob. I'm straightening out Wilson's music. Now, Meredith, I think that if you made that a dotted eighth note, right? You think so? Yeah. Just lay it aside while I clear up this other matter. What is it, Bob? This. Well, Maureen O' Sullivan. Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Ms. O' Sullivan, meet Robert Taylor. I know Mr. Taylor very well. Oh, now listen here, Jack. I don't mind your giving suggestions, but when you start sending people out on the stage in the middle of the program and confusing everybody, that's going to too far. I should say it is. You told me you were running this program, Mr. Bernie. The name is Benny J E L, L O. Now look, Bob, my Plan was to have Maorine here. The name is Marine. Marine? Yeah, Marine. Come out and do a dramatic scene, you know, something to take the curse off of the first part of this show. I think that's a good suggestion. I think. I think that's a very good suggestion, Mr. Jello. After all, a Yank at Oxford is opening in the theaters all over the country in the next few days. Well, I wasn't thinking of that, Ms. Yang. Now look, if you. All right, Benny, that's enough. I'm not going to stand here and have you tear our show down. Now, Bob, don't get me wrong. I'm only trying to be helpful. Helpful? You're ruining everything, Mr. Benny. When do I do the scene? I'll have it straighten out in just a minute. Now look, Bob, I won't look at anything. I started out with a good show tonight and now where am I? Well, don't get excited. I didn't say it was your fault that the show is good. Not entirely your fault. What do you think, Murine? I don't know whose fault in this. When do I do the scene? There isn't going to be any scene. Benny. You keep your nose out of this. What? The whole. Look, Bob, if you. If you didn't want me to tell you how to run the program, why did you send for me? Who sent for you? Well, of course, I didn't know they'd gone over your head. You know who went over whose head? Now don't get acrobatic. You know. You know how I happen to be here tonight, don't you? No, I don't. Do you two mind if I say sit down? No, not at all, not at all. Now, Bob, look, it was perfectly simple. I was walking along Hollywood Boulevard minding my own business. I can hardly believe that. Well, I was walking along anyway. And who should I see a block or two away but the head of MGM's radio department, Lewis K. Sydney. Yeah, go on. Of course, I had no intention of forcing myself onto your program. But after I caught up with Mr. Sydney, we passed the time a day, one thing led to another and I saw where the conversation was going, so I came right out and I said, lk. I always called him that. LK Would you like me on the Maxwell House program Thursday? Ah, you said that. Well, what else could I say? I didn't want to embarrass him. Of course, he was tickled to death. He was, huh? What did he say? Well, he was very enthusiastic. He said, jack, why don't you give me A ring in a few weeks and we'll talk about it. Him? Yeah. Well. Well, I forgot to call him, that's all. I had to come down. I couldn't let the fella down, you know. Well, it's plain to see, Jack. You wished yourself on the program. And I know because Mr. Sydney told me he didn't want you. Oh, he did, eh? The big gossip. Hey, you don't know what you're talking about. And I'm getting tired. Well, why don't you do what millions of others are doing? Refresh yourself with a cup of Maxwell. How, Bob? Do I understand that this gentleman has nothing to do with the show at all? Absolutely nothing. Well, he's been giving orders like a second lieutenant. He's had me waiting for 10 minutes out there. What's the idea, Benny? Keeping Maureen O' Sullivan out there cooling her heels. O' Sullivan? Heels? That's a pip. Now, that's what you need on this program. Oh, that's. That's dynamite. That's not funny, Jack. Bob. Bob, he's got Jack Conway standing around there, too. Mr. Benny, how much longer do I have to wait? Just a minute, Mr. Conway. Jack Conway, Ladies and gentlemen, this is the man who directed us in MGM's new picture, a Yank at Oxford. Jack. Maureen, I'm terribly sorry if you come here under a misapprehension. I don't mind, Bob. As a matter of fact, this is probably the best chance I'll ever have to pay a tribute to a man I've admired for a long time. He's one of the nicest people and the best directors in all entertainment world. Take. Take a bow, Jack. Well, thanks, Marine. I really. Sit down, Benny. She means Jack Conway. Well, you've got to admit, it was a natural mistake. Two jakes here. By the way, Mr. Conway, if I may make a suggestion, I. I don't want to butt in or anything, but if I had anything to do. I mean, if I had anything to do with directing that picture, I would certainly have gone to England for the locale. What's the matter with you? We were aware in England for three months. Well, then you should have made the picture while you were there. We did. Well, then I'm right. You see, Bob, how I'm helping your program. I don't know what you fellows want anyway. Well, I don't know what you want, Bob, but I'd like to have everybody know how proud I am of the anchored Oxford. I think you, Maureen and Lionel Barrymore gave wonderful performances. In fact, I'm Proud and grateful to everyone in the cast, especially those fine English players who helped us so much. It was a pleasure to work with all of you. The Yank at Oxford is the first picture to come from MGM's new studio in England. And I'm happy that I was the director chosen to just make it. Thank you. Well, thanks, Jack. There's nothing I can add to that. Thanks for coming up here. And thank you too, Maurice. Jack. Jack, please go away, will you? No. You're afraid you can't follow us, huh? Play something. What are your marriages? It. That was Meredith Wilson and his orchestra playing standby. We now present a drama especially written for this program by Dorie Sherry entitled Epilogue to Love. The girl is played by Marino Sullivan. Curtain, please, Ted. So much has been written about love that sometimes we make the mistake of regarding it as a commonplace thing. Yet every day, love still inspires men and women to do noble and ignoble things. And they are reborn or destroyed. Now, Epilogue to Love. The scene. There's a hallway leading to a large room. Two men are walking to the room. When we get to a room, I'll leave you alone. It'll be easier for you to talk. All right. I don't know what to say to her. Oh, you'll find the words. You see, Jim, she's so terribly depressed that I've taken this chance to get you here. It might save her. She has years of life ahead of her if she wants it. She badly hurt? She's blind, Jim. Blind? Yes. That's why she doesn't want to live. But you can help her. You loved each other once after you left. I think she married me on the rebound. Never has really loved me like I love her. If you can bring her back, I'll. I'll do the rest. I know you will. Here we are. Mary. Yes, John? You have a visit. It's Jim Thomas. Jim. Hello, Mary. I. Wait outside, Jim. All right? Fine, Jim. Say that again. Say, hello, Mary. Hello, Mary. Jim, darling. You're as lovely as ever. Your hair is golden. Jim, what awful thing took us apart? Mary, let's talk of other things. Yes, other things. Brighter things, perhaps. Like. Like. Oh, Jim, I can't see you. Do you know that? I can't see you. Let's not talk of that either. When did you get back? About two weeks ago. I heard about you having been that mine explosion. I was so frightened for you. It was just a big scare. Two scratches and a lost hat. I was such a fool, Jim. I should have gone with you anywhere, you said. Well, the part of the world I've been in is a man's world. Your life is here. Life with no eyes. Oh, Jim, you don't know how terrible it is to be blind. To miss all the things that you take for granted. The early son. The gray dust. The light and shadows on a wall of books. The glistening of a window pane after a morning rain. The blue. Dear, dear, you mustn't. You need every bit of courage, every bit of sanity. But you don't know. There you are, darling. Looking at me. Seeing the colors in the room. Perhaps the sun is streaming in. I can't see you or the sun. Not nothing. It's a world of black. Mary, dear, listen. You'll find compensation. I believe that people do. All the nastiness, all the ugliness in life is away from you. You'll discover a part of your mind and soul that you never knew. You still can read, hear, smell, feel all the beauty in the world. You say that, Jim, because you don't know. What beauty can there be with no light, no color? There are many people that without sight who have found a beauty beyond the knowing of. People who can see a greater beauty of companionship. The beauty of self sufficiency. And they can read and enjoy the same things with their fingers that they could with their eyes. They can hear and enjoy the same music over the air. They can hear the same things that make other people laugh, cry and thrill. The part of my life that was new is gone. Gone forever. That was long ago, and it isn't much of a life. Running to the four corners of the globe. Even now, I'm planning to go away again. This time to the desert. Some more interesting bones to pick and place in the history of man. What's going to become of John and Lee? He knows how I feel about you. Our love is a ghost that comes back to haunt him. He adores you, Mary. He'll give you everything he can. You've got to live for him and for your son. Who did you see my boy so many times? Dares. Fine looking kid, your hair and coloring. But his daddy's physique. He's going to be a doctor, he says. This morning he told me he's going to study hard and someday he's going to fix his mommy's eyes. You'll get a lot from him, Mary. That's a love most people would envy. Strange to think that someone could envy a blind person anything. I'm sure they do. I knew a man once who saw his son fall off A cliff to a crushing, horrible kind of death. He wanted to tear his eyes out. He'd have done anything to wipe that vision from his mind. You always were a practical soul, Jim. You could convince me of anything. Even now, for the first time in months, I'm beginning to feel alive again. I even smell the flowers in the room. What kind are they? Ugly looking blossoms. You see, you're getting a beauty I can't enjoy. I can't enjoy the scent nearly as much as you do because I see what they really are. Oh, they're probably gorgeous red roses. They are not. Oh, Jim. Have to be getting along now. I'll come back soon, but promise me no more nonsense about yourself. You're going to get on, get well. You've got to. Jim, darling. Once I thought you'd taken everything from me. But today, coming here, you're giving it all back. I'm so grateful. I'm going to remember you as you are right now. Your face full of new hope. The sun glistening on your hair. Please, ma' am. Use of flavored tobacco by teens is a crisis. Tobacco companies use flavors like cotton candy, watermelon ice and cool mint to hook kids like me. They seem harmless, but they aren't. Addiction to nicotine sets us up for a lifetime of health problems. Oregon legislators can do something about it. Passing Senate Bill 702A will keep flavored tobacco away from kids. But there are just a few short weeks left for lawmakers to act. Take action to protect kids like me. @ flavorshookorgankids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund. Drivers who switch and save with Progressive could save hundreds. With that kind of money, you could go big time on a fancy water bottle with ultra titanium alloy metal. You're not sure why you need all that. I mean, it just holds water. But you're getting it anyway. Because if you're hiking near an active volcano and you accidentally drop the bottle into molten lava, your water will still be icy cold. Switch to Progressive and you could save big time for water bottles. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates not available in all states. Potential savings will vary. Keep that way, I promise. Goodbye, Mary. Goodbye, Jim. That's odd, isn't it? Jim, we opened a chapter today with you so simply saying, hello, Mary. And now it's closed with a simple goodbye, Mary. I hope it's a new chapter for you. Goodbye, Mar. God bless you, Jim. You've done it. Tell me, was the sun streaming on her hair? It was. Don't kiss. Remember your promise, John. She Must never know that that explosion left me blind she never will, Jim. Very strange feeling I've never before is a kind of a grind of depression My heart's acting strangely it feels rather sore at least it gives me that impression My pulse has been mad Me without any cause Believe me I'm telling you to lose Holy I'm giving My spirits are truly unmove O for I'm falling in love with someone Good love, friends. That was Alan Jones who just sang Victor Herbert's Falling in Love With Someone. Someone. And now I want to take long enough to explain again just why it is when you make drip coffee you need a special grind of coffee to fit that particular method of coffee making. Now I'm going to do it by means of a little quiz. Now, when you make coffee by the percolator or boiled method, the water is in pretty constant contact with the coffee, isn't it? Yes. In a percolator or coffee pot, the water is in contact with the coffee constantly. Not once, but many times. Right. So there's plenty of time for the water to extract all the flavor of the coffee. But now, when you use the drip method with drip pot or glass coffee maker. Well, when you make coffee correctly in a drip pot or glass coffee maker, the water passes through the coffee only once. Right again. Do you realize what that means? Well, I should say the coffee used in the drip method must therefore be ground finer so that all the flavor and goodness of the coffee is extracted quickly. Exactly. And for that reason, because we know that the same grind cannot be expected to give the best cup of coffee by coffee making methods so different in principle, we offer Maxwell House in a separate grind that is always just right for each method. The regular grind, Maxwell House for percolator or boiled coffee. The special drip grind for glass coffee maker or drip pot. Yes, that's one of the secrets of making better coffee every time. Buy the right grind of Maxwell House for your particular method of coffee making. Then you'll be sure to make coffee that's rich and mellow, full bodied, unvarying in flavor. Coffee that's always good to the last drop. And don't forget, you can now buy Maxwell House coffee everywhere. Packed not only in the £1 can, but in £2 cans as well. You'll find increased convenience and added economy in buying the two pound can. And now, ladies and gentlemen. Say, Bob. Yes, what is it, Meredith? You won't have to worry about Jack Benny anymore. I got rid of him but good. You did? But how? Well, he wanted to meet Myrna Loy. So I sent him over to the little dressing room in the Corner of stage 30. That's Fanny Bright. Dressing room. You're telling me. I saw you last night and I'm in the mood. Fellow. Almost yet. Yes, Ms. Bright. Tonight I'm expecting nobody. I'm strictly relaxing. One must rest the bones, ain't it? Squeakmo's at the door. Ask the name twice. If it's a man, ask the name later. Oh, Ms. Lloyd. Oh, Myrna. They'll blow me down. And shiver my pimpies. If it ain't Jack Benny. Well, either I'm in the wrong dressing room or Ms. Loy has been seeing too much of Schlepper. Pardon me. I thought this was Myrna Loy's dressing room. Well, what she got that I ain't got? Well, she don't tell me. Won't you sit down? I hope. Look, I'll be back later. I must see Myrna Loy before she gets away. I want her for my leading lady in my next picture. I imagine she'd be quite thrilled. Why not? I saw you in your last picture. Artisan, model. And now you are Casanova Viviana Flag. Well, yeah, I thought I. I thought I was at my best in that picture. Was that your best? Well, I might have sliced a little. Look. Yes, thank you. But look at Bob Taylor. Look, Bob Taylor gave me a couple of pointers last Sunday which didn't hurt any. Now you're talking my language. You'll know me, Mr. Benning. It's rare thing. But not too for me. I've got here a scene for my next picture. Would you mind running over with me a few lines? No, look, later, later. Well, I'll tell you what. Wait a minute or. After all, that's what I'm here for, to help everybody. Jack, Pollyanna, Benny. Besides, a practice will do me good. Wouldn't hurt me neither. Now, in this scene, you play the part of d' Artagnan, one of the three musketeers. You know, all have one and three for five. Well, I like that. I think that'll be. What part do you play? I am your sweetheart. A ravishing, beautiful queen of Italy. You look more like Dolores del Schmutz. Thank you, thank you. Yeah, you're very technical. Look, look. Now, look. Slap or Fanny? Look, look. D' Artagnan's queen was the queen of France. France, Italy, what's the difference? So long as she's a Christian. Go ahead, read the first line. The first line? Yeah, right from here. Just the Way it's written. Yeah. Not much. I can't read backwards very well. I can't. Well, you know what Alan said once. What? Anything we make up will be funnier than this. You're telling me. All right. Right from this line, huh? Yeah. Go on. Ah, my. Ah, my queen. Ah, my queen Come fly with me. Comply with you. I'm of royal blood, not pigeon. Do not say that. Remember, you left me when I won the battle of orange. Now you got five to go. Five to go? Yes. Strawberry. Oh, yes. See? Don Wilson will love you for that. You think so? Yeah. And now comes the big lofty. You crush me in your arms like a little pushy willow. And then. Come on, take me on. Mary's up. It's okay. Huh's not. Well, how, how, how? Yes, Look. First you put your arm around me. One arm, like this. If Fred Allen is listening, I'll die. Then you put the other arm around me like this. Like this? Like that. Now you're holding me close. Closer. I can still breathe. Now look me in the eye. Which one? A good one. This is no time for technicalities. Now you got your two arms around me. Well, what do I do next? Send for Phil Harris? Fine thing. I'm going to look for Myrna Law. And now. Now we come to the MGM concept. Meredith, what have we for the concert hall tonight? Or has Jack Benny canceled it all together? No, Bob. He decided to let it stand approximately as we had it. We're continuing with famous melodies that everyone knows and loves. And tonight's selection is Toelli's Serenade Sa Like a Thunder of Love. Sam. Ladies and gentlemen, next week we'll have another nice program, as Jack Benny calls it. Yes, if you'll just follow my instructions. Quiet, Jack. As I was saying, ladies and gentlemen, you'll hear Louise Reiner, Warren William Melvin Douglas, Virginia Bruce, Connie Boswell, Douglas McPhail. Plus the good News regulars, Frank Morgan and Fanny Bryce. Your ticket of admission is just your loyalty to Maxwell House Coffee. So be sure you listen in again next Thursday. And in the meantime, go to the movies and enjoy yourself. Well, Jack, it was grand having you here, really. Our privilege. Well, I hope I've helped you. Yes, I think it was smart of us to ignore you, don't you? That was the last insult on the 16th program of the Good News of 1938 series. And I will be back on my own program next Sunday where I'm loved. Good night, Bob. Good night, folks. The last time I'll ever come over to help anybody. Believe always and always is. From the Joan Crawford Spencer Tracy picture Mannequin. Thanks for the memory is from the big broadcast of 1938. This is Ted Pearson saying good night and good luck for the makers of Maxwell House, the coffee that's always good to the last drop. This is the Maximo broadcast in D Use of flavored tobacco by teens is a crisis Tobacco companies use flavors like cotton candy, watermelon ice and cool mint to hook kids like me. They seem harmless, but they aren't. Addiction to nicotine sets us up for a lifetime of health problems. Organ legislators can do something about it. Passing Senate Bill 702A will keep flavored tobacco away from kids. But there are just a few short weeks left for lawmakers to add. Take action to protect kids like me@ flavorshookorgankids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund. Ryan Seacrest here When you have a busy schedule, it's important to maximize your downtime. One of the best ways to do that is by going to chumbacasino.com Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino games like spin slots, bingo and solitaire that you can play for free for a chance to redeem some serious prizes. So hop on to chumbacasino.com now and live the Chumba Life. Sponsored by Chumba Casino. No purchase necessary. VGW Group Void where prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply.