
Mr Chameleon 49-12-21 The Perfect Maid Murder Case
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Narrator
Next.
Mr. Chameleon
Mr. Chameleon and the Perfect Maid murder case. Tonight we again present the famous Mr. Chameleon of Central police headquarters in his famous cases of crime and murder, brought to you by the makers of genuine Bayer aspirin. Mr. Chameleon, as you know, is the famous and dreaded detective who frequently uses a disguise to track down a killer. A disguise which at all times is recognized by the audience. Tonight we give you Mr. Chameleon in the Perfect Maid murder case. The scene opens in one of New York's most fabulous mansions, the home of Raymond Colby. And we see a young woman about to leave. Her hand is on the knob of the front door when she is interrupted by a maid whom we hear saying the words that lead to a gruesome, fantastic murder.
Laura Colby
Excuse me, Ms. Laura, can I see you a moment before you go? I haven't any time now, Fanny. But this is important, Miss Laura. Terrible important. Well, what is it, then? I want to give my notice, Mum. Your notice? You mean you're leaving? Well, I thought you were a fixture in this house, Fanny. But that's just it, Mum. I am a fixture here. Then what's this talk about giving notice? What's wrong if it's more wages? No, it's not that, Mum. It's. It's that. Yes? It's that I'm going to marry your father. You're what? Going to marry your father, that's what.
Narrator
Oh.
Laura Colby
Well, it don't seem to set very well with you, but are you completely and utterly mad? This is the most outrageous thing I've ever heard in my life. Oh, it is, is it? Well, let me tell you, I'm as good as you are. Pack up your things and get out of this house as fast as you can. I'm not packing and I'm not leaving. I. I'm marrying into this house. Huh. Just put that in your pipe and smoke it. Get out instantly. I say, I'm not going Any further than me own room. You'll find me there. If you want to be coming up later and telling me you're sorry. Ta, ta, deary. John. John, come here, John.
John Colby
Don't shout, Laura. I heard it all. Great heavens, what a mess.
Laura Colby
We can't let Father do this. He's gone mad. Oh, that cheap, terrible creature.
John Colby
Tell you, Laura, hysterics won't help. Besides, we don't want to wake the old man up and get him on our necks. We've got to think fast.
Laura Colby
But what are we going to do? What can we do? This is too dreadful.
John Colby
Listen, Laura, listen. Yes, you stay right here, Laura, and watch every door. Be as loud as you can if anybody comes.
Laura Colby
You mean Father or that horrible fat anybody?
John Colby
I've got the combination to Father's safe.
Laura Colby
He's safe. What are you going to do, John?
John Colby
I know he keeps his will there. That's the first thing to do. He may have changed it in Fanny's favor. If he did, I'll burn it up.
Mr. Chameleon
And sometime later we hear the Commissioner of Police assigning another famous murder case to the astute and feared Mr. Chameleon, the man of many faces and disguises.
Detective Dave Arnold
Oh, here you are, Chameleon. A murder in Park Avenue.
Narrator
Oh, top draw case, eh, Commissioner?
Detective Dave Arnold
Well, that's for you to decide, old man. The murder occurred in the Raymond Colby house.
Narrator
You mean the mysteriously rich Raymond Colby's been killed? No, not Colby himself, Chameleon.
Detective Dave Arnold
A maid in his house. Girl named Fanny Bilkins. Throat slashed open.
Narrator
Better get out there. Right, old Commissioner. I'll take Detective Dave Arnold with me. Oh, here you are, Dave.
Detective Dave Arnold
Yes, sir?
Narrator
You come with me, please. Bye. Commissioner.
Detective Dave Arnold
I suppose the case we're on is that parlor maid murder at Raymond Colby's house.
Narrator
Yes, that's it, Dave.
Detective Dave Arnold
I guess it'll be one of those jobs where the chauffeur killed some poor girl because he was in love with her and caught the butler getting away with her.
Narrator
I have no idea, Dave. Let's get the car and buzz out there. Oh, personally, I'd be more interested if old Colby himself was the victim. I hear he's a queer character. The absent minded professor type. He invented something somewhere that made him fabulously rich.
Detective Dave Arnold
Here's the house, Mr. Chameleon.
Narrator
Yes, with a very pretty girl already holding the door open. Come ahead.
Laura Colby
Oh, I'm so glad you came. You are from the police, aren't you?
Narrator
Yes. My name is Chameleon. This is Detective Arnold. And you are?
Laura Colby
I'm Laura colby. Come in, Mr. Chameleon.
Narrator
Thank you.
Laura Colby
I'm rather surprised to see you here.
Narrator
Surprised, Miss Laura? Why?
Laura Colby
We didn't expect to see such a famous detective as you on an unimportant case like this.
Narrator
Murder is always important.
Laura Colby
Judy o' Grady or the Judge's Lady. I see.
Narrator
I understand the girl who was murdered was a housemaid in your father's house, Miss Laura. Do you know anything about her?
Laura Colby
Practically nothing, Mr. Chameleon. Except that she was a perfect maid, really marvelous. And that she had perfectly wonderful references when she came.
Narrator
When was that?
Laura Colby
Oh, I don't really remember. A couple of years ago. You know how those things are.
Narrator
Who found her body? One of the other help in the house, I suppose.
Laura Colby
No, as a matter of fact, my father did. He and my brother John, that is. Yes, well, what actually happened was that one of the other servants, our cook, became annoyed when Fanny didn't turn up to serve breakfast this morning. She thought she'd overslept. But when she knocked on Fanny's door and she didn't answer, she became alarmed and called my father.
Narrator
So he and your brother went up.
Laura Colby
There, and when they opened the door, they found her dead. Father was very much upset and so was my brother.
Narrator
Odd that the cook didn't open the door herself when she got no answer to her knock.
Laura Colby
I hadn't thought of that. Oh, but I'm sure the cook wouldn't have killed her just because Fanny overslept.
Narrator
Oh, scarcely, Miss Laura. Dave.
Detective Dave Arnold
Yes, Mr. Chameleon?
Narrator
You go to the kitchen and talk to that cook. Find out what you can.
Laura Colby
I'm sure Cook can't tell you any more than I have, Mr. Camellia.
Narrator
One never knows, Miss Laura. She may be concealing something from you.
Detective Dave Arnold
I'll talk to the cook now, Mr. Camellia.
Narrator
In the meanwhile, Miss Laura, perhaps your father or your brother will take me up to see the murdered girl's body.
Laura Colby
John's in the drawing room, Mr. Chameleon. This door here. Oh, John, this is Mr. Chameleon, the famous detective.
John Colby
Oh, how do you do, Mr. Chameleon? Horrible thing, isn't it? But one never knows what will happen with servants these days, does one?
Narrator
What happened here, however, is a bit out of the usual run. Your sister says that you lead me to the murder room.
John Colby
Of course, Mr. Comedian. I don't like the job, but just follow me.
Narrator
Thank you.
John Colby
Here are the servants stairs.
Narrator
By the way, John, do you know anything about the murdered girl? I mean, do you ever notice anything strange about her? Signs of being afraid of something upset, Anything like that?
John Colby
It's a funny thing, Mr. Chameleon. I never notice any servant. Particularly to me, they're just faceless people. All I know is that my sister always said Fanny was the perfect maid. Laura's all on a dither, so she'll never find another one like her. Oh, but here's her room.
Narrator
Hmm. Just about the size of a cell.
Mr. Chameleon
What?
Narrator
Nothing. Poor girl. A horrible sight. Her head is almost severed. If.
John Colby
If you're finished with me, Mr. Chameleon, I'd like to get out of here.
Narrator
Oh, yes, I understand, John. I'm sorry. I forgot that we policemen are more accustomed to sights like this than people like you. Yes. You go back to the drawing room. I'll see you there presently.
John Colby
Thank you, Mr. Chameleon.
Narrator
Poor Fanny. Poor child. Well, if the dead can hear, you'll hear me promising to bring your murderer to the execution chamber.
Detective Dave Arnold
Mr. Chameleon. Nothing from the cook except what Laura Colby already told us. But get this.
Narrator
Yes, Dave?
Detective Dave Arnold
Just as I was talking to the cook, the girl's father came in.
Narrator
The murdered girl's father, Dave?
Detective Dave Arnold
Uh huh. Man named Ed Bilkins. He started accusing everybody of murder. He's pretty wild. I told him to stay put, but you'd talk to him.
Narrator
Yeah, the poor devil.
Detective Dave Arnold
Where'd you get a load of him, Mr. Chameleon?
Narrator
Hmm.
Detective Dave Arnold
He looks like a bad customer to me. Not so sorry as he acts. But that don't mean I think he killed a girl.
Narrator
Dave, you call the morgue and have this body picked up. And here is the knife that slashed her throat. You send it in for Prince.
Detective Dave Arnold
Okay, Mr. Chameleon.
Narrator
And then hold the murdered girl's father down below. I want to talk to John Colby and his father first. Well, John, feeling a bit more steady now? Forgive me for bringing you back to the murder room.
John Colby
It's all right, Mr. Chameleon. Took a drink and feel better. This is my father, Raymond Colby. Father, this is Mr. Chameleon.
Raymond Colby
Ah, Mr. Mr. What? Didn't catch the name.
Narrator
Chameleon of Central Police Headquarters, Mr. Cobain.
Raymond Colby
Police Headquarters, you say? John, what's. What's a police officer doing here?
Narrator
Investigating the murder of your maid, Fanny Bilkins, Mr. Cobain.
Raymond Colby
Oh, to be sure. You know, things slip my memory, sir.
Narrator
And you say your Name is Chameleon, Mr. Colby? Chameleon.
Raymond Colby
Unfortunate thing here, Mr. Canelion. Oh, yes, Chameleon. Last thing I ever expected in my house.
Narrator
Murder.
Raymond Colby
Just one of the servants that probably got herself into trouble. Queer lot, servants. Queer lot.
Narrator
Never know about them, but still human, Mr. Colby. They sing and sigh, laugh and weep, feel happiness and sorrow just like you and me, only probably suffer more. Quite right. Quite right.
Edward Bilkins
You real.
Raymond Colby
I didn't think policemen thought that way, though. Well, what can I do for you?
Narrator
Tell me any little thing that you might know about the girl who was so inconsiderate as to be murdered in your quiet home. Why do you think, for instance, that she was killed?
Raymond Colby
I've no idea. No idea? Never paid any attention to her.
Narrator
No attention?
Raymond Colby
My daughter Laura runs the house. You better ask her.
Narrator
I did, and she told me just as little as you and your son John have, Mr. Colby. But I'll.
Detective Dave Arnold
Mr. Chameleon.
Narrator
Yes, Dave?
Detective Dave Arnold
You'd better come downstairs and talk to the man I told you was here. He's got something for you. Something plenty hot.
Narrator
Wha.
John Colby
What man? Mr. Comedian.
Narrator
After I see him, I'll tell you, John.
Detective Dave Arnold
He's going to tear this case wide open, John. Wide open.
John Colby
Tear it open? Detective Arnold, that's ridiculous.
Raymond Colby
Never mind. Never mind, son. I fancy it's someone of Fanny's own class and that it'll all turn out that a grocer's clerk or delivery boy killed Fanny.
Detective Dave Arnold
Perhaps.
Narrator
Mr. Kilby. See you later, Mr. Colbert.
Raymond Colby
John, get Laura in here right away.
John Colby
What for, Father?
Raymond Colby
If you don't manage to hold yourself in, you and Laura will find yourselves up on a murder charge. Our Mr. Chameleon's one of the most penetrating men I've ever met. Up to the time you revealed excitement, our story is going down perfectly. Now, be careful, my boy, I beg of you. I don't want to see my children convicted of murder.
Narrator
What did the murdered girl's father tell you, Dave, to make you think he'd break this case wide open?
Detective Dave Arnold
You better hear it from his own lips, Mr. Chameleon. He's here in the butler's pantry.
Narrator
Oh, all right, Dan.
Detective Dave Arnold
Mr. Bilkins. Here's Mr. Chameleon now. Tell him what you told me.
Edward Bilkins
It's fair. Terrible I ever brought my innocent daughter to this country, Mr. Chameleon. That's how a she was done in.
Narrator
What do you mean, Mr. Bilkins brought her to this country?
Edward Bilkins
Didn't this here busy tell you, Mr. Comedian?
Narrator
Detective Arnold wanted me to hear the story direct from you, Bilkins. Now, let's have it, please.
Edward Bilkins
Fanny and me come from Australia, where we should have stayed and then should never have gone into service in this old duffer's house.
Narrator
Well, I still don't know what you mean, Bilkins.
Edward Bilkins
What I'm Trying to drive home, sir, is that Fanny wouldn't have got herself engaged to marry the old man.
Narrator
Do you mean to say that your daughter Fanny was going to marry Raymond Colby?
Edward Bilkins
I'm not lying when I say it, Mr. Comedian. I warned her proper about marrying out of her class, but Fanny had got American ideas in her head quick. Wouldn't listen to a father. And it. It all wound up in her being killed. Butchered like an animal.
Narrator
Are you certain that your daughter was going to marry this fabulously rich man?
Edward Bilkins
Look here. Here's your wedding license, Mr. Chameleon. She gave it to me saying Mr. Colby didn't want it round the house. Feared his son or daughter might find it. But they must have caught on some other way, sir, and that's why they.
Narrator
They killed her. Dave, this is astounding. This license is genuine. Fanny Bilkins, age 24. Raymond Kobe, 56.
Detective Dave Arnold
It's only up. All right, Mr. Chameleon. I had it checked myself.
Edward Bilkins
I'm taking the blame for Fanny's murder on myself, Mr. Chameleon. I'm her father. I should have given her a good thump. And I made her leave this house. The likes of her. Thinking of Mary and the likes of him. I always say that everyone stay in his own class.
Narrator
Mr. Bilkins, come with me.
Edward Bilkins
Where to, sir?
Narrator
Upstairs to the drawing room, where I think we'll find Mr. Colby and his son John.
Edward Bilkins
Don't make me face him now, Mr. Comedian. I can't face my daughter's dirty murderers. I can't do it, sir.
Narrator
I can't. I understand. Wilkins. You wait here. Then Detective Arnold and I will go up alone.
Edward Bilkins
You're a real gentleman, sir. Thank you.
Narrator
I'll never forget your kindness, Dave. Come along.
Detective Dave Arnold
If ever I saw one for the book, Mr. Chameleon, this is it.
Narrator
If it's true, Dave. If it's true, what?
Detective Dave Arnold
Well, don't you believe it. You saw the marriage license, didn't you?
Narrator
Yes, indeed, Dave. And I also saw the shifty look in the bereaved Mr. Bilkin's eyes. If I were looking for a babysitter, I'd. And it wouldn't be Bilkins. Now, here's the drawing room. Now, I expected to find your father and brother here.
Laura Colby
They're in Father's study.
Narrator
Mr. Chameleon, I just talked to your murdered maid's father.
Laura Colby
So they have fathers, too, just as.
Narrator
You and I, Laura. But tell, ma' am.
Laura Colby
Yes?
Narrator
When was your father, Raymond Colby, going to marry Fanny Bilkins?
Laura Colby
Oh, I didn't realize Detectives on duty kidded people, Mr. Chameleon.
Narrator
Then you didn't know.
Laura Colby
Know what?
Narrator
You know what. Answer the question.
Laura Colby
If you expect.
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Laura Colby
Answer a ridiculous question like that, Mr. Chameleon. Are you serious? Imagine Father marrying a housemaid. It's too, too silly.
Narrator
That the door to the study, Lauren?
Laura Colby
Why, yes. I'll tell Father you want to see him.
Narrator
Don't trouble. Thank you. I'll go in alone, and you stay here. I hope I'm not interrupting, Mr. Colbert. Oh, I see you have your safe open. Something lost?
John Colby
Father has an idea he misplaced his will, Mr. Chameleon.
Raymond Colby
I'm on the forgetful side, Mr. Chameleon. I'll find it later.
Narrator
Why not look in the fireplace, Mr. Colby? Wait a second.
John Colby
In the fireplace, Mr. Chameleon?
Narrator
Yes, John. Yes. Here is what is left of your father's will. All but the top underway. Though do you mind telling me why you tried to destroy it, John?
Raymond Colby
My son didn't, Mr. Chameleon. Probably did it myself. I do such utterly stupid things without thinking.
Narrator
Like arranging to marry your housemaid, Mr. Colby.
John Colby
What is this, Mr. Chameleon, father planning to marry that. That.
Narrator
That murdered girl, John?
John Colby
Murdered, Mr. Chameleon? What in heaven's name gives you the idea Father was going to marry her?
Narrator
Uh, this marriage license, John.
John Colby
Marriage license?
Raymond Colby
John, I told you before that Mr. Chameleon was a very penetrating man. Trying to deceive him would be unfair to him and us.
Narrator
Then you were going to marry her, Mr. Colby?
Raymond Colby
Oh, no, no, not at all, Mr. Chameleon. I simply. I. Well, I really don't know why I took out that marriage license.
Narrator
Well, I'm sure it wasn't done simply to keep a perfect maid. Come, Mr. Colby. Don't you think it's time to stop trying to protect your children?
John Colby
Why should he try to protect Laura and me, Mr. Chameleon? We didn't kill that girl.
Narrator
In my entire experience, I've never met with a Clearer motive for murder? Never, Dave.
Detective Dave Arnold
Right here, Mr. Chameleon. Oh, what do we do? Arrest John and Laura?
Narrator
No, not now, Dave. Bring the murdered girl's father in here immediately, and then we'll.
Detective Dave Arnold
That's what I came up here to tell you, Mr. Chameleon. Bilkins slipped out of the house while I went into the kitchen to get a drink of water.
Narrator
What?
Detective Dave Arnold
I sent out a general alarm for him.
Narrator
Have this house guarded, Dave. And get this straight, Mr. Colby. If either your son or daughter attempts to leave here, they'll be taken in on suspicion of willful murder.
Mr. Chameleon
Mr. Chameleon and the Perfect Maid murder case continues in just a moment. When you have a cold, you need Bayer aspirin. Need it because it's important to you that you get quick relief from the headachy feverish feeling in the muscular aches and pains that almost always accompany a cold. And because Bayer aspirin gives you this important relief, it should be taken at the first sign of a cold before you do anything else. Regardless of what you do to stop or shorten a cold, we believe your own doctor will tell you that this is sound advice. And it's advice you can follow with confidence. For Bayer aspirin is used by millions to treat these distressing symptoms. It provides amazingly fast relief, makes you feel better because it's ready to go to work in two seconds, and its single active ingredient is so gentle to the system that doctors prescribe it even for small children. That's why it's been used by millions of normal people without ill effect. So at the first sign of a cold, before you do anything else, take Bayer Aspirin. When you buy, ask for Bayer aspirin. Not just for aspirin alone. Get the 100 tablet bottle, and you get Bayer aspirin tablets for less than a penny apiece. And now back to Mr. Chameleon and the Perfect Maid murder case. Fanny Bilkins has been viciously murdered in the home of wealthy Raymond Colby, where she worked as a housemaid. Mr. Chameleon has discovered that Colby had planned to marry Fanny in spite of the bitter protests of his son John and his daughter Laura. During the investigation, the murdered girl's father, Edward Bilkins, has disappeared from the Colby home. But an hour later, when Mr. Chameleon impatiently paces his office at headquarters, he suddenly finds that no general alarm is required to bring in Bilkins. For a strange surprise awaits him as Detective Dave Arnold rushes into his office.
Detective Dave Arnold
Saying, Mr. Chameleon, I just brought in Fanny Bilkins, father. In an ambulance.
Narrator
In an ambulance.
Detective Dave Arnold
Dave, he's got a knife cut straight down his left cheek. Didn't miss his throat by half an inch, but the ambulance doc patched him up on the way in, and now he's squawking loud to see you. He says.
Narrator
Get him in here, Dave. Come in.
Detective Dave Arnold
Bilkins.
Narrator
Bilkins, what happened? Who tried to get you? Now, get down to the point without wasting words.
Edward Bilkins
Very good, sir, but it was a near one. Not satisfied with cruelly murdering my daughter, Fanny? Raymond Colby. I mean, his son, John. The fact is, I don't know.
Narrator
Where did the attack take place, Bilkins?
Edward Bilkins
In the old duffer's study, that's where.
Narrator
What were you doing there?
Edward Bilkins
Nothing, sir. Nothing. Just nosing around.
Narrator
It won't do, Bilkins. Out with it.
Detective Dave Arnold
Mr. Chameleon, here's a bag the boys took off Bilkins on the way in.
Edward Bilkins
Give it to me, Mr. Copper. I never seen it before. Fanny gave it to me.
Narrator
Looks like about a half million in jewels, Bilkins. And they look familiar. Very familiar.
Edward Bilkins
I don't know anything about them.
Narrator
Dave, put Bilkins under tension. I got the answer to this case.
Edward Bilkins
And look here, Chameleon, I got rights. Those jewels were planted on me.
Narrator
Come along.
Edward Bilkins
Broken.
Detective Dave Arnold
Killed your own daughter, did you? I'll Be right back, Mr. Chameleon.
Narrator
Head on. Hello, Mr. Chameleon?
John Colby
This is John Colby. Yes, most of my dead mother's jewelry has been stolen.
Narrator
Who discovered the loss, John?
John Colby
Our butler did. Caught the robber in the act, but he got away. Can you come out here right away?
Narrator
Not just now, John. You said only part of your mother's jewelry was stolen.
John Colby
The butler came in the room just in time to save the rest.
Narrator
I have got the stolen jewels, John. And the robber, too.
John Colby
You've got the jewels and the robber both?
Narrator
I'm pretty positive I have, John. But I want to make sure before I definitely charge the man that we're holding.
John Colby
What do you mean, Mr. Chameleon?
Narrator
Instead of coming myself, John, I'm going to send one of our expert jewel men out there, and he'll bring the jewels I have here out, too, for identification.
John Colby
I wish you'd come yourself, Mr. Chameleon, instead. What's that, Father? All right, I'll ask Mr. Chameleon. Sorry, Mr. Chameleon, but Father suggests.
Narrator
Yes?
John Colby
Father's worried about anybody coming but you, Mr. Chameleon. So is my sister, Laura. Can't you come yourself?
Narrator
I'm sorry, I'm not a jewel expert. I'm sending Our head man, Pierre Antoine, out right away, and then I'll follow later. Goodbye, John.
Detective Dave Arnold
What's all that about, Mr. Chameleon? Are you going out to Colby's in disguise?
Narrator
Right you are, Dave, disguised as Pierre Antoine, the police department's chief man on jewels. Now, you will come with me, and the instant we get there, and you introduce me, arrest John and Laura Colby on my orders.
Detective Dave Arnold
Orders are orders. But I don't get you, Mr. Chameleon. Why not pinch them and be done with it?
Narrator
Because I need the evidence I think their father, Raymond Colby, will give me, Dave.
Mr. Chameleon
And so, a little later, we find Detective Arnold with Mr. Chameleon in his disguise as Pierre Antoine, at the murder house, as Dave Arnold says.
Detective Dave Arnold
Evening, everybody. This gentleman is the police department's jewel expert. Mr. Chameleon sent him out.
Narrator
Pierre Antoine at your service. You Mr. Raymond Colby, monsieur?
Raymond Colby
Yes, yes, Mr. Antoine. This is my daughter, Laura.
Narrator
Mamzel.
Laura Colby
How do you do?
Raymond Colby
And my son John.
Narrator
May we all sit down? Or perhaps you, Mademoiselle Laura, will be so kind as to bring the remaining jewels from the robbery for me to see.
Detective Dave Arnold
Sorry, monsieur Antoine, but Mr. Chameleon ordered me to arrest this lady and her brother and bring them back to headquarters.
Narrator
That is absurd, Detective Arnold. Surely Mr. Chameleon is making a mistake.
Laura Colby
Mr. Chameleon is a fool.
John Colby
We won't go, Laura. Detective Arnold can't arrest us without a warrant.
Detective Dave Arnold
Here's the warrant, John. Better come quietly, John.
Raymond Colby
John, you can only cause yourself and Laura trouble by not going with Detective Arnold.
Laura Colby
But, Father.
Detective Dave Arnold
You've got the right idea, Mr. Colby. Now, come on, John and Laura. No point getting tough about it.
Narrator
My compliment to Mr. Chameleon, Detective Arnold. And be good enough to express my opinion that he is making a most stupid blunder arresting two such charming young people.
Detective Dave Arnold
Stupid or not, I'm taking them, Monsieur Antoine. Good night.
Narrator
Good night. Dreadful contretemps you could be. I thought better of that, Chameleon. But there is your police mind, Mr.
Raymond Colby
Antoine, did you bring the jewels recovered from the man who robbed my safe?
Narrator
In this very bag? You could be the robber. Was the father of the housemaid murdered here today? Your fiance, I'm told.
Raymond Colby
Hand over those jewels, Chameleon.
Narrator
What?
Raymond Colby
Shut up, Chameleon. I'm doing the talking. Now, give me that bag, quick. They're the only evidence you've got that I killed that infernal housemaid, Fanny Bilkins. Now, let's have them.
Narrator
When I take you in, Raymond Colby, it'll be for two murders. But anyway, here Are the jewels.
Raymond Colby
You're not taking me in?
Narrator
No.
Raymond Colby
By the time they find your body, Chameleon, I'll be out of the country. Got any last wishes, cop?
Narrator
Mm. I'd like to tell you how I caught up with you, Raymond Cobain.
Raymond Colby
I'm interested, but hold your gab to three minutes.
Narrator
Through a careful study of police records extending from New York to Sydney, Australia, you murdered the woman who owned those jewels, Lady Ashton Birl, in Australia, five years ago.
Raymond Colby
That's past history, Chameleon. But suppose I did?
Narrator
The one living man who knew you did was your murdered housemaid's father, a petty criminal named Henry Ed Bilkins. And he followed you here, forced you to hire his daughter Fanny as a maid in your house, and then blackmailed you into a promise to marry her with your mysteriously and criminally acquired wealth.
Raymond Colby
Anything else, chameleon? You've got 30 seconds left.
Narrator
Only this, Raymond. Don't move, Colby. You hear me, Colby? I said don't move. That's odd. He doesn't answer. Colby. What? Oh. Why did I have to become a policeman? Police headquarters. This is Chameleon. Connect me with Detective Arnold, please. Dave. Listen, Dave, send the dead wagon out, please. Yes, the dead wagon. Well, I'm afraid I killed a man. Yes, the murder of Fanny Bilkins. I hit a fatal spot by mistake. I know, Dave. It's all in the line of duty. But still.
Mr. Chameleon
And with these words, Mr. Chameleon concludes tonight. Murder case. Have you ever tried breaking an aspirin tablet to give your children the dosage your doctor has prescribed? If you have, then you'll appreciate the new children's size Bayer aspirin tablets. These tablets are genuine Bayer aspirin, but they contain only half the amount of the regular size Bayer aspirin tablets. And thus, you can give your child the proper dosage as prescribed by your physician. And you can do it conveniently. And because they're made so you can break them right in half, it's also easy for you to give still smaller dosages whenever necessary. Another thing you'll appreciate is that they're uncolored and unflavored, and therefore cannot be mistaken for candy. And you can use them with confidence. For the fact that doctors prescribe Bayer aspirin, single active ingredient, even for the smallest children, shows how gentle and dependable it is. The bottle and carton are plainly marked children's size Bayer aspirin, 30 tablets for 25 cents. Listen. Next Wednesday night at this same time for Mr. Chameleon, the man of many faces. In the greenhouse Mur. The part of Mr. Chameleon is played by Carl Swenson with dialogue by Frank Hummert. From the original story by Frank and Anne Hummert. Music directed by Victor Arden. The members of our cast join with our sponsors in wishing all their listeners a merry Christmas. Your announcer is Howard Claney.
Narrator
Scientific studies show that the only sensible.
Mr. Chameleon
Way to help prevent tooth decay is to keep your teeth thoroughly clean at all times. This is because teeth that are free of decay, breathing deposits and film actually resist decay.
Narrator
And to clean them, use powder.
Mr. Chameleon
For there's nothing you can get that.
Narrator
Cleans teeth like powder.
Mr. Chameleon
Thanks to its remarkable cleaning power, Dr. Lyons tooth powder almost instantly helps remove deposits and film in which bacteria form. Bacteria that cause tooth decay. So to help prevent tooth decay before it gets started, use Dr. Lyons tooth powder. Ask for either regular or ammoniated Dr. Lyons tooth powder. Listen for Mr. Chameleon in the greenhouse murder case next Wednesday night at this Time. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.
Advocate for Tobacco Control
Nearly 90% of kids who vape say flavors are why they do it. A lot of the flavors that I've heard are like peach, mango, watermelon. It makes it seem like more childlike and innocent. Oh, if I try this once, it won't be that much of a problem. But then eventually, it becomes a problem. It's time to restrict the sale of flavored tobacco products in Oregon and protect our kids from nicotine addiction. Urge lawmakers to Pass Senate Bill 702A. Take action at flavorshookoregonkids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund.
Podcast Summary: "Mr Chameleon 49-12-21 The Perfect Maid Murder Case"
Podcast Information:
In the episode titled "Mr Chameleon 49-12-21 The Perfect Maid Murder Case," Harold's Old Time Radio transports listeners to the opulent surroundings of Raymond Colby’s New York mansion. The story unfolds with the sudden and shocking murder of Fanny Bilkins, the beloved housemaid, setting the stage for a captivating whodunit mystery led by the ingenious detective, Mr. Chameleon.
The narrative begins inside Raymond Colby's lavish home, where tension brews as Laura Colby announces her intention to marry her father, Raymond. This unexpected declaration introduces familial conflict and suspicion early on.
At [01:56], Laura Colby declares:
"I want to marry your father."
This surprising revelation not only strains her relationship with her mother, Fanny, but also sets the groundwork for the ensuing tragedy. Moments later, Fanny Bilkins is found murdered, plunging the household into turmoil.
Mr. Chameleon, the central detective renowned for his disguises and sharp investigative skills, is introduced as he is assigned to the case by the Commissioner of Police ([04:06]).
Detective Dave Arnold remarks at [04:16]:
"A maid in his house. Girl named Fanny Bilkins. Throat slashed open."
The detective duo—Mr. Chameleon and Detective Arnold—arrive at the Colby mansion, beginning their meticulous investigation of the crime scene and interviewing the household members.
As Mr. Chameleon interrogates Laura and John Colby, the underlying tensions within the Colby family surface. Laura portrays herself as distraught and suspicious of her father's intentions, while John appears pragmatic and protective of the family’s reputation.
At [06:00], Laura explains:
"We didn't expect to see such a famous detective as you on an unimportant case like this."
Her reaction underscores her anxiety and the gravity of the situation, hinting at deeper secrets within the household.
The plot thickens with the introduction of Edward Bilkins, Fanny’s father, who becomes a prime suspect in the investigation. His erratic behavior and vehement accusations against the Colby family add layers of complexity to the case.
At [12:05], Mr. Chameleon confronts Bilkins:
"I got the answer to this case."
Bilkins later divulges a critical piece of information at [12:37]:
"Fanny wouldn't have got herself engaged to marry the old man."
This admission points to a possible motive rooted in disapproval of the impending marriage between Fanny and Raymond Colby.
A pivotal moment occurs when Mr. Chameleon discovers a marriage license connecting Raymond Colby to Fanny Bilkins. This evidence suggests a clandestine relationship that could have led to Fanny’s demise.
At [13:30], Bilkins reveals:
"I'm not lying when I say it, Mr. Chameleon. I warned her proper about marrying out of her class."
The presence of the marriage license becomes a cornerstone in unraveling the mystery, implicating Raymond and exposing familial conflicts.
As the investigation progresses, Mr. Chameleon uncovers Raymond Colby’s murky history, including a past murder in Australia involving Lady Ashton Birl. This revelation ties Colby to a series of criminal activities, suggesting a motive for silencing those who threaten his secrets.
At [25:34], Mr. Chameleon confronts Raymond:
"Through a careful study of police records extending from New York to Sydney, Australia, you murdered the woman who owned those jewels, Lady Ashton Birl, in Australia, five years ago."
This connection not only broadens the scope of the investigation but also solidifies Mr. Chameleon’s theory against Colby.
In a dramatic turn of events, Raymond Colby attempts to deceive Mr. Chameleon by disguising himself as Pierre Antoine, the police department’s jewel expert. However, Mr. Chameleon's astuteness leads to Raymond’s downfall.
At [25:25], Raymond taunts:
"By the time they find your body, Chameleon, I'll be out of the country."
Undeterred, Mr. Chameleon methodically disproves Colby’s alibi, leading to the detective’s triumphant revelation of Colby’s guilt. The episode culminates in the orchestration of Colby’s arrest and the closure of the Perfect Maid murder case.
"Mr Chameleon 49-12-21 The Perfect Maid Murder Case" masterfully blends suspense, intricate character dynamics, and clever detective work. Mr. Chameleon's relentless pursuit of truth and his ability to see beyond facades ensure that justice prevails, leaving listeners both satisfied and eager for future mysteries.
Laura Colby on Announcing Her Marriage Plans:
[01:56] "I am going to marry your father."
Mr. Chameleon's Interrogation of Raymond Colby:
[25:34] "Through a careful study of police records extending from New York to Sydney, Australia, you murdered the woman who owned those jewels, Lady Ashton Birl, in Australia, five years ago."
Raymond Colby’s Threat:
[25:25] "By the time they find your body, Chameleon, I'll be out of the country."
This episode exemplifies the charm and intrigue of Golden Age radio dramas, with its blend of mystery, suspense, and dramatic storytelling. Mr. Chameleon stands out as a quintessential detective, embodying the cleverness and dedication that captivated listeners of the era. "The Perfect Maid Murder Case" not only entertains but also exemplifies the timeless appeal of a well-crafted detective story.