NBC The Johnson Wax Program With Fibber McGee and Molly 1945-12-18 - White Christmas Tree

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: NBC The Johnson Wax Program With Fibber McGee and Molly 1945-12-18 – White Christmas Tree
Release Date: December 20, 2025
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Featured Show: Fibber McGee and Molly

---

Episode Overview

This episode transports listeners to December 1945 with the beloved comedy pair Fibber McGee and Molly on their “Johnson Wax Program.” The central theme revolves around holiday preparations, specifically the idea of painting a Christmas tree white—a newfangled, “modern” concept—setting off a cascade of comic misunderstandings and neighborly banter. Classic character humor, warmhearted moments, and a memorable neighborhood singalong round out this nostalgic holiday episode.

---

Key Discussion Points and Story Highlights

1. The Great White Christmas Tree Debate

[03:27–05:39]

• Fibber visits Fred Corrigan’s tree lot to inquire about painting his Christmas tree white.
  • Fred quotes $10 to spray the tree, triggering Fibber’s outrage at the high price and accusations of profiteering.
  • “$10 to spray a little white paint on this half pint tree? Who do you think you are, Rembrandt?” – Fibber McGee [03:34]
  • Molly bemusedly suggests it's a lot of work, “Putting all those needles back on after the paint dries.” [04:49]
• Fibber determines to paint the tree himself using the vacuum’s paint-spray attachment, despite Molly’s skepticism.

2. Opinions from Neighbors and Friends

[05:58–07:29]

• Alice and Millicent Carstairs (Mrs. Carstairs) join the debate about the proper look for a Christmas tree:
  • Alice says she likes all colors, while Millicent recounts that her sister Gertrude always prefers a white tree.
  • Alice recalls a childhood spent never finishing painting a tree white: “Kept us off the streets till we were 18 years old.” – Alice [07:43]

3. Dr. Gamble’s Visit and Yuletide Ribbing

[09:19–10:45]

• Dr. Gamble banters with Fibber and Molly, poking fun at doctor pay and holiday accidents.
  • “This is the silly season when 200-pound men start climbing 49-cent stepladders to wire dime store angels to the tops of $3 Christmas Trees and wind up in a $500 plaster cast.” – Dr. Gamble [10:21]
• Molly compliments Gamble's charity work, to which he responds with mock humility.

4. The Paint Sprayer Fiasco

[13:00–14:00, 15:05–17:39]

• Fibber struggles with the paint sprayer—clogging, splattering, and challenging the weather.
  • Molly: “You’re getting more paint on yourself than you are on the tree, McGee.” [17:30]
• Millicent Carstairs returns, and the group trades tall tales about gifted household dogs:
  • Mrs. Carstairs’s dog once supposedly apprehended a criminal butler: “When the police arrived, it turned out that Jarvis was wanted by the authorities in three states.” – Millicent [15:54–16:05]
• The group laughs over how implausible these stories are.

5. Enter Mr. Wilcox for a Plug (in Shakespearean!)

[17:49–20:15]

• Mr. Wilcox, the Johnson’s Wax salesman, arrives and launches into a Shakespearean parody—selling “Johnson’s glow coat” as if it were poetry.
  • “Just pour it on. And in one third the time it takes for our glass to turn it dry.” – Mr. Wilcox [19:16]
  • Fibber jokes: “If Shakespeare ain’t in the public domain, this two-bit Orson Welles is going to be sued for nine million bucks.” [19:25]
• Wilcox exits, and everyone agrees he's quite the ham.

6. The Christmas Tree Mix-Up and Accidental Generosity

[21:02–21:51]

• Fibber triumphantly presents his finished white tree—only to realize he’d accidentally painted the big evergreen in the yard, not the portable tree for the house.
  • “Oh my gosh. What tree did I paint?” – Fibber [21:13]
  • Molly reveals, “The one that's been growing there in the yard all these years.” [21:17]
• As Fibber berates himself for his blunder, neighborhood child Teeny arrives and is delighted by the spectacle, assuming it was intentional and generous for the whole neighborhood.
  • “You put your Christmas tree right out in the front yard where everybody can see… All the kids in the neighborhood are going to love you for this, mister.” – Teeny [22:30–22:40]
  • Fibber, touched, quickly improvises a plan to share the festive spirit by giving out candy to kids on Christmas Eve.

7. Heartwarming Neighborhood Singalong

[24:18–29:09]

• Children gather to sing “Twas the Night Before Christmas” as a group, bringing warmth and holiday spirit.
  • A chorus, Molly, Alice, and others narrate the beloved poem.
  • The segment closes with laughter, music, and a sense of community built around Fibber’s accidental but heartfelt contribution to Christmas cheer.

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “$10 to spray a little white paint on this half pint tree? Who do you think you are, Rembrandt?” – Fibber McGee [03:34]
• “Putting all those needles back on after the paint dries.” – Molly [04:49]
• “Kept us off the streets till we were 18 years old.” – Alice, on painting a tree as a child [07:45]
• “This is the silly season when 200-pound men start climbing 49-cent stepladders to wire dime store angels to the tops of $3 Christmas Trees and wind up in a $500 plaster cast.” – Dr. Gamble [10:21]
• “You’re getting more paint on yourself than you are on the tree, McGee.” – Molly [17:30]
• “If Shakespeare ain’t in the public domain, this two-bit Orson Welles is going to be sued for nine million bucks.” – Fibber McGee [19:25]
• “You put your Christmas tree right out in the front yard where everybody can see... All the kids in the neighborhood are going to love you for this, mister.” – Teeny [22:30–22:40]
• “Now won’t you admit this is a mighty pretty effect, baby?” – Fibber, upon finishing the wrong tree [21:02]

---

Noteworthy Segments & Timestamps

• [03:27–05:39] – The original white tree idea and debate at the Christmas tree lot
• [09:19–10:45] – Dr. Gamble’s comic medical perspective on holiday hazards
• [17:49–20:15] – Mr. Wilcox’s Shakespearean wax commercial
• [21:02–21:51] – Realization of the painted yard tree and the heartwarming fallout
• [24:18–29:09] – Children’s performance of “Twas the Night Before Christmas”

---

Tone & Language

Lighthearted, witty, and quintessentially mid-century Americana. The humor is rapid-fire, with plenty of affectionate ribbing between characters and plenty of puns and wordplay. The episode carries a spirit of community, generosity, and classic holiday nostalgia, perfectly encapsulating the era’s radio comedy warmth.

---

Conclusion

Even as Fibber’s quest for a “modern” white Christmas tree ends in comic failure, the unintended result brings unexpected holiday joy to the entire neighborhood. The episode beautifully captures the improvisational good-heartedness that defines Christmas spirit and the charm of vintage radio storytelling. This is a perfect listen for anyone who cherishes classic comedy, clever dialogue, and the warmth of community traditions.

Transcript

[Shopify Narrator]

Starting a business can be overwhelming. You're juggling multiple roles designer, marketer, logistics manager, all while bringing your vision to life. But for millions of businesses, Shopify is the ultimate partner. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started. Build a stunning online store with Shopify's ready to use templates, build produce content with AI powered product descriptions, page headlines and enhance photography. Marketing is easy with built in tools for email and social media campaigns. Plus, Shopify simplifies everything from inventory to shipping and returns. If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify. Turn your big business idea into With Shopify on your side, sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com try go to shopify.com try shopify.com.

[Announcer]

The Johnson Wax program with fiber McGee and Molly. The makers of Johnson's Wax products for home and industry present Bibber McGee and Molly written by Don Quinn and Phil Leslie with music by the Kingsman and Billy Mills Orchestra. What two things are you most anxious to have in your home? Aren't they beauty and cleanliness? Well, think for a moment how easily and inexpensively you can have both beauty and cleanliness just with an occasional application of Genuine Johnson's Wax. Your floors, furniture and woodwork. A rich, mellow polished wax surface is a thing of beauty in itself. The wax brings out the grain and beauty of the wood. It adds a soft luster to leather, linoleum and metal surfaces. And of course, this tough wax film protects these surfaces against wear, dirt and moisture. Dust and dirt do not adhere readily to a wax polished surface. So cleaning is not only easier, but a wax tone is actually cleaner and more sanitary. Johnson's Wax is of the very finest quality and long wearing. The cost is really very little. So why not practice protective housekeeping in your home? With Genuine Johnson's Wax dealers everywhere Carry it. There are certain people who simply won't admit that nature does anything right. They are the kind who gild cattails paint. Whose little tootsie are you on the shells of baby turtles and clip poodle dogs to look like anemic lions? Here's one of those people now as we meet Fiber McGee and Molly.

[Fibber McGee]

Hey Fred, how much you charge me to paint this Christmas tree white? Why do you want it white, McGee? What do you mean why do I want it white? You got 100 trees in this lot you've painted white. Yeah And I think they're horrible. What? Some people like them that way. Never mind the artistic comment, fred. How much? $10. $10 to spray a little white paint on this half pint tree? Who do you think you are, Rembrandt? Look, looky here. Maybe you didn't understand, Fritz. I want this tree painted white, not gold plated. 10 bucks. You're a pirate. And I'll bet you've made $200 already today. You're a cheapskate and I've made 340. You're a robber and you want to sell a half interest in this joint? You're a stoop. And I wouldn't sell my own mother a half interest.

[Narrator/Chorus]

You're a low down. No.

[Fibber McGee]

Dirty. A dirty swindler. 10 bucks to spray a little tree white. The rat. Cheating people right and left. Making 400 bucks a day. A chiseler. I don't know whether to report him to the OPA or make him a better offer for a half interest. Low down chiseller.

[Molly]

What's the matter, McGee? This time.

[Fibber McGee]

It'S that guy Fred Corrigan that runs the Christmas tree lot at 14th and Oak. That dirty pine broker wanted to charge me 10 bucks to paint our Christmas tree white.

[Molly]

Well, that does seem a little high, dearie. But think of the work there is to it. Putting all those needles back on after the paint dries.

[Fibber McGee]

They don't take the needles off, they just spray the trees. Whoosh. Wish whoosh. That's all there is to it.

[Molly]

Well, if wishing will make it so, why don't you do it yourself?

[Fibber McGee]

If it's a $10 job, I can't afford to pay myself that much. Besides, I haven't got a paint spray, so. Hey, haven't we got a paint spray attachment on the vacuum cleaner?

[Molly]

Oh, dear.

[Fibber McGee]

Oh, my gosh. I can have that tree painted white before you can say, don't it look awful?

[Molly]

Now, McGee, please. I realize we need the house painted, but not on the inside. Let's leave the tree green.

[Fibber McGee]

Oh, you love a white one, Snooki. It's the modern thing. Nobody uses green trees anymore. They're outmooted.

[Molly]

Hmm, you don't say. Well, tell me, Salvador, what color snow are people using this year? Chartreuse.

[Fibber McGee]

No kidding, Molly. White Christmas trees are all the rage. Everybody.

[Molly]

They must be. They throw me into one. Now look, sweetheart, just put the tree up and trim it. I love a green Christmas tree.

[Alice]

Don't you, Alice? Don't I what, Mrs. McGee?

[Fibber McGee]

Look, Molly, I'll put it up to Alice Fair and square and let her give an opinion. Here's the preposition, kid. If you were going to have a Christmas tree, which would you rather have? A dusty, drab, dirty old green one or a bright, snappy, glistening white one?

[Molly]

Which, Alice?

[Millicent Carstairs]

Mistletoe.

[Fibber McGee]

Mistletoe. What an answer.

[Alice]

Well jeepers, don't you like to hang.

[Millicent Carstairs]

Up a little bouquet of mistletoe, Mr. McGee?

[Alice]

He's too shy, Alice.

[Fibber McGee]

I am not shy. What good is mistletoe? Catch somebody under it and it's either somebody you can kiss anyway, like your wife, or you get a slap in the chops before you can point up to it. Mistletoe? Bah. That's just poison ivy with berries.

[Molly]

Well, we'll put some up, Alice, and you'll see who manages to spend most of his time loitering around beneath it. But honestly now, dear, do you like a white Christmas tree?

[Alice]

Well, I like them all, Mrs. McGee.

[Millicent Carstairs]

I don't care if they're purple. Gertrude always has a white one though, and she likes them.

[Fibber McGee]

Who's Gertrude? We know her.

[Alice]

She's the boy who always rides past.

[Millicent Carstairs]

Here in the cream colored Cadillac and honks his horned sister.

[Molly]

Ah, yes, I see. Well, himself. You used to go with a man who owned a sus Bearcat's niece.

[Fibber McGee]

Yeah, but I gave her up for an old guy with a broken down Maxwell's daughter. But honestly now, Alice, don't you really prefer a white Christmas tree?

[Millicent Carstairs]

Well, I got awfully tired of them, Mr. McGee. When I was a little girl, my father gave us kids some little tiny paintbrushes and told us to paint a Christmas tree white.

[Molly]

Heavenly days. Must have taken you children a long time to paint a tree with little brushes. How long did it take, Alice?

[Alice]

Oh, we never did get it finished.

[Millicent Carstairs]

But it kept us off the streets till we were 18 years old. Well, I gotta wrap some presents. See you later.

[Fibber McGee]

Bright kid. How all that lovely golden hair can grow out of that solid bone, I'll never.

[Molly]

She's awfully sweet though, McGee. There isn't a mean thought in Alice's head.

[Fibber McGee]

No, nor any other kind. Alice ain't getting my tree sprayed.

[Molly]

Where'd you leave the tree, dearie?

[Fibber McGee]

Out in front. I can attach the vacuum cleaner cord from the porch light. Now let me see if I get the porch light.

[Alice]

Come in.

[Grainger Announcer]

If you're an H Vac technician and a call comes in, Grainger knows that you need a partner that helps you find the right product fast and hassle free. And you know that when the first problem of the day is a CLANKING BLOWER MOTOR there's no need to break a sweat. With Grainger's easy to use website and product details, you're confident you'll soon have everything humming right along. Call 1-800-granger clickgranger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Lemonade Insurance Narrator]

I can't believe they're having a gender reveal for their dog. No, no, no, no. This is a breed reveal.

[Fibber McGee]

Oh.

[Lemonade Insurance Narrator]

So yeah, they're finding out the breed of the puppy they're rescuing. So they could just be spending all their money on like pet insurance. Instead, we got lemonade for Roscoe and it covered vaccines, microchipping. We saved 90% on vet bills.

[Narrator/Chorus]

Oh, here we go.

[Lemonade Insurance Narrator]

What do you think beige confetti means? I don't know. That we'll never get this Saturday back. Get a quote for any [e-mail] pet.

[Molly]

Oh, hello there, Dr. Gamble.

[Fibber McGee]

Hello, Molly. How are you today, Pantry paunch? Fine, Jumbo, fine. You out spreading a little Christmas cheer telling your patients you're going to retire?

[Molly]

Oh, he's not going to retire for years yet, are you, Doctor?

[Fibber McGee]

My dear, I will retire on that far distant day when I can write a personal check for $400 and not have the hired help at the Fourth National bank burst into hysterical laughter. Why, go on, you old miser. You got that much buried under a loose brick in the fireplace right now. Trouble with you is you got more affection for a dollar than my wife has for a pound of butter. And that's the love match of the year, fatso.

[Molly]

I have no right to say that though, McGee. Dr. Gamble does more private charity work than anybody in town.

[Fibber McGee]

Certainly I'm a very noble character. When I walk down the street, flowers spring into bloom, birds burst into song and taxi cabs honk twice before they try to kill me. Well, I gotta run along now. This is my busy season, you know.

[Molly]

I suppose the children keep you pretty busy around Christmas time, Doctor, huh?

[Fibber McGee]

No, it's the so called grown ups, my dear. This is the silly season when 200 pound men start climbing 49 cent stepladders to wire dime store angels to the tops of $3 Christmas Tre and wind up in a $500 plaster cast. Pennywise and compound fracture. Foolish. Don't you want to stick around and watch me trim our Christmas tree, Doc? I'm painting it white. Well, you don't have to do that. Skip wit, huh?

[Announcer]

When I put my gift for you.

[Fibber McGee]

Under it, it'll turn white.

[Announcer]

Billy Mills in the orchestra and the parade of the wooden sol.

[Fibber McGee]

Ah, that doggone thing. There it goes again. Clogs up like a sentimental woman at a sad movie.

[Molly]

What seems to be the matter, dear?

[Fibber McGee]

This paint spray goes along all right for a minute, then it chokes up and when it comes loose again, it throws a blob of paint that'll knock IQ out of the balcony.

[Molly]

Well, mount it on the porch steps and maybe that'll loosen it up.

[Fibber McGee]

Okay, I will.

[Molly]

Fair enough. Now try it.

[Fibber McGee]

Okay. Ah.

[Molly]

What happenedly, James McGee, you almost hit me with that.

[Fibber McGee]

I'm sorry, kiddo. I didn't know it was loaded. Well, here we go. There now, just dad ratted. Had done it again. Clogged up.

[Molly]

Well, hurry up and get the job finished, McGee. It's colder than a lineman's lunch out here.

[Fibber McGee]

Well, you go on in the house if you want. I can handle this. All right.

[Molly]

No, I've got to stay out here and tell people who you are.

[Fibber McGee]

Huh?

[Molly]

You get a little more of that white paint on you and they'll think you're a badly constructed snowman.

[Fibber McGee]

Okay. Ah, that does it. Now I'll have this tree sprayed before you can.

[Alice]

What's your aim, dearie?

[Fibber McGee]

Huh?

[Molly]

No, you better shut it off. Here comes Mrs. Carfair.

[Alice]

Hello there, miss.

[Molly]

Won't you come in the house and have a slug of tea?

[Millicent Carstairs]

No, thank you, my dear. I am just out walking my Pekingese and must hurry along.

[Fibber McGee]

What Pekingese, Carsey? I don't see him.

[Millicent Carstairs]

Oh, it was too cold for him to come along, Mr. McGee.

[Alice]

But as.

[Millicent Carstairs]

Long as one of us goes out, he's satisfied.

[Molly]

That's really a sweet little dog, Millicent. From what I've seen of him.

[Fibber McGee]

Personally, I wouldn't have one of them four legged dust mops as a gift. Give me a man sized dog. I ever tell you about the hunting dog I had once Carsy by the name of Durante?

[Millicent Carstairs]

Durante?

[Fibber McGee]

Yeah. What a nose that dog had. Never forget. One time we were walking through the woods, me and my dog, pipe over my shoulder, gun in my mouth.

[Molly]

What was that again?

[Fibber McGee]

Gun over my shoulder and pipe in my mouth. When all of a sudden Durante freezes. He's on point, nose quivering, tail out like a ramrod, one foot in the air. I raised my gun, walked slowly forward, and there, not 10ft away, was a guy sitting on a stump.

[Millicent Carstairs]

That was quite a dog, Mr. McGee. Trained to flush game wardens, was he?

[Fibber McGee]

No, sir. I bawled the dog out. And then I was never so ashamed in my life. It was the smartest thing he'd ever done.

[Molly]

Why?

[Fibber McGee]

Well, sir, I got talking to the guy and you know what his name was? Partridge. Henry W. Partridge. Wasn't that wonderful, Carste?

[Millicent Carstairs]

No, I don't think that's so remarkable, Mr. Magee, in the light of what a police dog of mine once did.

[Molly]

What was that, Millicent? After all, it's so cold out tonight, the baloney won't spoil.

[Millicent Carstairs]

Well, this dog of ours was extremely intelligent. One day I had him in the post office and I noticed he was staring at the police posters on the wall. Suddenly he dashed out the door and was gone.

[Fibber McGee]

Probably went out to steal an apple off a fruit stand. Karsti?

[Molly]

No.

[Millicent Carstairs]

When I got home, he was gripping our butler by the vest pocket and was barking into the telephone, which he'd knocked off the table when the police arrived. It turned out that Jarvis was wanted by the authorities in three states.

[Molly]

Yes, but why was your dog holding him by the vest pocket, Millicent?

[Millicent Carstairs]

That was where our butler kept his fountain pen. You see, he was wanted for forgery. Well, so nice to have seen you.

[Alice]

Good even.

[Fibber McGee]

Who does she think she's kidding? I don't believe a word of that stuff. I bet she made that whole thing up.

[Molly]

Well, never mind her, dearie. Get busy with that paint before it freezes solid.

[Fibber McGee]

Oh. Oh, gee, it might at that. Well, back to work.

[Alice]

Ah, there she blows.

[Molly]

Stopped up again, McGee.

[Fibber McGee]

Yeah, the doggone thing. I only got about a third of this tree sprayed too. Maybe if. Hey.

[Molly]

What?

[Fibber McGee]

How could Carstairs dog be gripping the butler by the vest and barking into the phone at the same time?

[Molly]

She didn't say he was gripping the butler with his teeth, dearie. You know, after all, a dog as smart as that could hold him down with one hind paw, dial the police station with the other and use his front feet to take fingerprints.

[Fibber McGee]

Yeah, maybe, but how she. Oh, why should I worry? Aha. That's better yet.

[Molly]

You're getting more paint on yourself than you are on the tree, McGee.

[Fibber McGee]

Well, the wind keeps changing. I ought to make these paint sprays with a weather vein on them. Bye, Georgia.

[Molly]

Oh, dear. In the time you've taken to get this tree a dirty gray patch, I could have whitewashed the Kaibab National Forest with a flip gun.

[Fibber McGee]

Well, doggone it, I don't too.

[Announcer]

Folks, what's going on?

[Molly]

Hello, Mr. Wilcox.

[Fibber McGee]

Hi, Junior. Pull up a friend step and give yourself a three point landing.

[Molly]

You want your Christmas tree painted right, Mr. Wilcox? Trout home and get it.

[Fibber McGee]

Yeah, I won't be out Here very long, Junie. Soon as I adjust the nozzle on this paper.

[Announcer]

Hey, wait a minute, Mac. Do you mean to stand there like a front man for painter's colic and tell me you're actually going to ruin that pretty little tree with white paint? Ruining that refugee from the forest primeval, despoiling a magnificent evergreen.

[Fibber McGee]

Ah, skip the dramatics, Junior. We know you memorized Evangeline in high school.

[Molly]

And you played the heavy in the chautauqua company of Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm too, didn't you?

[Announcer]

Ms. Wilcock, the juvenile lead, if you please. I also had three seasons of Shakespeare, A likely story.

[Fibber McGee]

When you play Shakespeare, son, that's when Othello needs a friend.

[Announcer]

Everyone in Omaha, I'll have you know, said I was another Barrymore. Why, when I came out in my tights and said, oh, what a rogue and peasant slave am I.

[Fibber McGee]

You can say that again.

[Molly]

Now hush, McGee. I love Shakespeare. Go on.

[Announcer]

Mr. Wilcox, is it not monstrous that this player here, seeing a lady forced to menial task and seeing such drudgery, would not then dispense a thing called Johnson's glow coat? Forsooth, a goodly fluid which, sprayed upon this color Alinoleum, would thus eliminate the scrub.

[Fibber McGee]

No rub, no buck.

[Announcer]

Just pour it on. And in one third the time it takes for our glass to turn it dry.

[Fibber McGee]

If Shakespeare ain't in the public domain, this two bit Orson Welles is going to be sued for nine million bucks.

[Announcer]

Ah, yes, it dries. And so mirror like it gleams. The porridge spilled, wiped off, leaves not a single spot. The labor saved, the hours gained, the beauty seen. Tis blow coat beloved by chatelaine and serving wenchelite, your nearest dealer.

[Molly]

Hey, hey, now wait a minute, Mr. Wilcox. Is that in Hamlet?

[Announcer]

My dear girl, it's in every hamlet, every village, every town, city and the province. Every place where a housewife takes pride in the appearance of her kitchen. And if I don't get back to the office in the next 10 minutes, I'll find myself back in Chautauqua. So long, kids.

[Fibber McGee]

There goes the biggest ham I've seen since Blue Boy went to the state fair. He better be careful or he'll wind up on a platter with an apple in his mouth. Now. But this ain't getting my tree spot.

[Alice]

Well, hurry up.

[Molly]

You almost got it done now.

[Fibber McGee]

Yeah, let's see. I get her all loosened up good. Ah, there she goes. Ah, this is the best it's been yet.

[Molly]

Yeah, look how white the tree is getting. Molly, there's one question I'd like to ask you.

[Alice]

McGee, are you sure?

[Fibber McGee]

Don't bother me now, kiddo. I'm doing too good. Hot dog. Ain't that getting beautiful? I finally got this spray gun working perfect.

[Alice]

I know, but look, Magee, I've been wanting to ask you if.

[Fibber McGee]

Later, tootsie. Waiter, I'm just about finished now. Just up there a little bit. Ah. Oh, gee, I'm through. All done. And believe me, that's the whitest white Christmas tree you'll ever see. Now won't you admit this is a mighty pretty effect, baby?

[Molly]

Yes, if you like that sort of thing.

[Alice]

Well, I'll go and make some hot coffee, dearie.

[Narrator/Chorus]

Okay.

[Alice]

McGee.

[Fibber McGee]

Huh?

[Molly]

Whose Christmas tree is this on the front porch?

[Fibber McGee]

Well, that's the one I bought this morning that I'm going to paint white a lot. Oh, my gosh. What tree did I paint?

[Molly]

The one that's been growing there in the yard all these years.

[Alice]

Bring in the vacuum cleaner when you.

[Fibber McGee]

Come have all that dead. If I ain't the dumbest bloke that ever drew breath. A wise guy. I know it all. Can't tell one tree from another. One that's growing and one that ain't. I'm a septic. I'm a brainless, incompetent, ham handed butterfingers. If I wasn't so stupid, I'd never let me sit here and insult myself like this. Dad. Rat.

[Alice]

Hi, mister. What's the matter?

[Fibber McGee]

I know that voice. Is that you, Teeny?

[Alice]

Sure it is. I betcha what you sitting there with your head in your hands for, mister? Got a headache. Want me to get you an aspirin, Mommy too?

[Fibber McGee]

No, no thanks. Medicine won't touch the kind of headache I got. I just busted my ego in four places.

[Alice]

Gee, I'm sorry, mister. Oh, boy. Who did that?

[Narrator/Chorus]

Huh?

[Fibber McGee]

Who did what?

[Alice]

Who painted that tree white? Gee, is that ever beautiful.

[Fibber McGee]

Yeah, but that ain't the one.

[Alice]

And it's growing right there in your yard.

[Fibber McGee]

Yeah, you see, I got a little confused.

[Alice]

Oh, Mr. McGee, you're wonderful.

[Narrator/Chorus]

Huh?

[Fibber McGee]

I am?

[Alice]

You're the nicest man in town. I bet you you put your Christmas tree right out in the front yard where everybody can see. Share it with you, didn't you?

[Fibber McGee]

Well, I didn't exactly.

[Alice]

All the kids in the neighborhood are going to love you for this, mister. Why, I can hardly wait till you get it all lighted up.

[Fibber McGee]

You can't, eh? I says you can't, eh?

[Alice]

Can't what?

[Fibber McGee]

You can't wait till I get it all lighted Up.

[Alice]

Gee, neither can I. And you know what, mister?

[Fibber McGee]

What?

[Alice]

When it's. When it's growing in the ground like that, it can't wobble and fall over you. Our Christmas tree at home is always wobbly.

[Fibber McGee]

Yeah, lots of people make that mistake, sis. They don't stop to think. If they were a tree and got all lit up and then came into a warm room, they'd wobble a little, too. Skip it. Do you think it looks all right out here in the front yard?

[Alice]

Oh, boy, I'll say. Now, all the little children that haven't got Christmas trees can come and see yours, can't they?

[Fibber McGee]

Yeah, I. I kind of plan to get a lot of little bags of candy and stuff and let the kids help themselves. Christmas Eve. Says I just planned that. Think they'd like that?

[Alice]

Gee, will I ever. And us kids will sing.

[Fibber McGee]

Sing what?

[Alice]

You know, the song we sing for you every Christmas time. Twas the Night Before Christmas. The one we just recorded. Would you like to hear it now, mister? Whom would you home?

[Fibber McGee]

Yes. Yes, I believe I would say.

[Alice]

Okay. Hey, Kenny. Johnny. Buddy Ranny, come here. He wants to hear it. All right.

[Fibber McGee]

Wonderful bunch of kids going around the neighborhood with a 30 piece orchestra.

[Alice]

Was the night before Christmas. And all. All through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care in hope that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

[Narrator/Chorus]

The children were nestled all warm in their wee little beds While visions of sugar plums danced in their wee little.

[Fibber McGee]

Fair.

[Narrator/Chorus]

Mama in her kerchief and I in my care had just settled down for a long.

[Fibber McGee]

Winter.

[Narrator/Chorus]

I sprang for my bed to see.

[Millicent Carstairs]

What was the matter Away through the.

[Announcer]

Window I flew like a flash Tore.

[Narrator/Chorus]

Open the shutters, threw open the sash Then what to my wondering I should appear but a miniature sleigh and a tiny reindeer with a little driver so lively and quick that I knew I'm awake that it must be St. Nick Old bumbled in bird from his head to his foot Whole Santa was covered with ashes and soot I threw in my head and was turning around when down the chimney he came with a fow.

[Alice]

His eyes, how they twinkled his dimples how.

[Molly]

Mary.

[Alice]

His cheeks were like roses his nose like a cherry his droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow the beard on his chin was as white as the snow.

[Narrator/Chorus]

The stump of a little pipe he held tight in his teeth and smoke went around and around and around his head like a ring. He was chubby and plump all right. Jolly old jolly old elf and a laugh and a laugh and a laugh little time in spite White bell He had a broad face, huff, huff, huff and a little round belly laugh like a bowl full of jellies. He gave me a wink of his eye and a twist of his head, A chuckle and a smile. I knew all the while I had nothing to dread. He spoke not a word but went straight to his work and filled all the stockings.

[Alice]

Oh boy.

[Narrator/Chorus]

Then turned with a jerk Then laying off a finger aside of his nose and giving a nod up the chimney. Bo. He sprang to his slave to see give a whistle and a way the old flew like the dog of a sister. But I heard him exclaim every drum of a song. Merry Christmas to all and to all good night.

[Alice]

Oh, is he gone the night after.

[Narrator/Chorus]

Christmas and all through the house.

[Fibber McGee]

While.

[Narrator/Chorus]

The creature is stirring not even among the presents are scattered and broken, I fear and St Nicholas won't come again for a year. The children are nestled on all warm in their wee little bed. Wild memories of sugar plums dance in.

[Alice]

Their wee little hair.

[Narrator/Chorus]

I'm lying her kerchief and I in my cab I settled at last for a long Sam.

[Announcer]

This is the National Broadcasting Company.

[Lemonade Insurance Narrator]

If you're the purchasing manager at a manufacturing plant, you know having a trusted partner makes all the difference. That's why hands down, you count on Grainger for auto reordering. With on time restocks, your team will have the cut resistant gloves they need at the start of their shift and you can end your day knowing they've got safety well in hand. Call 1-800-GRAINGER click granger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Announcer]

Check engine, ABS or maintenance light on. Take the guesswork out of your warning lights with O'Reilly Veriscan. The service is free and provides a report with solutions verified by ASE Certified Master Technicians. And if you need help, we could recommend a shop for you. Ask for O'Reilly Veriscan today.

[Fibber McGee]

Auto parts.