NBC The Phil Harris-Alice Faye Show 1948-12-19 -Jack Benny Plays Santa

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: NBC The Phil Harris-Alice Faye Show (1948-12-19) – "Jack Benny Plays Santa"
Date: December 20, 2025

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Episode Overview

This special holiday episode brings listeners back to the golden age of radio with an original broadcast of "The Phil Harris-Alice Faye Show" featuring the legendary Jack Benny. The episode, which originally aired on December 19, 1948, centers on Christmas anticipation in the Harris household as Phil and Alice navigate the challenge of making Santa Claus appear for their children, leading to comic mishaps and heartwarming moments. The highlight is Jack Benny’s hilarious turn as a stand-in Santa. The episode is rich with classic radio humor and warmth, celebrating the spirit of Christmas and family.

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Key Discussion Points & Story Arc

1. Setting the Christmas Scene (03:03–04:46)

• Alice Faye is seen complimenting her children for their good behavior in anticipation of Santa’s visit.
• The kids are eager to stay up late to see Santa in person.
  • Alice Faye: “We would ask a favor. We'd like to stay up and see Santa Claus when he brings a present on Christmas Eve.” (04:18)
• Phil, reluctant but indulgent, promises the children they'll see Santa.

2. How to Make Santa Appear? (04:54–13:12)

• Phil proposes dressing as Santa himself but is reminded that last year's attempt was unconvincing—highlighted by his "Jingle Bells" performance with southern culinary lyrics.
  • Phil Harris: “Ham hocks and turnip greens, they melt right in your mouth... And that’s what I like about the South.” (05:33)
  • Alice Faye: “That isn’t the way we sing it up North.” (05:54)
• Several alternatives are proposed for playing Santa, including their friend Willie and Don Wilson, each bringing comic rejection or scheduling conflicts.
  • Willie: “I shall be glad to portray Christopher Kringle.” (06:48)
  • Phil: “Fine Santa Claus you’d make.” (06:54)
• Ultimately, Don Wilson can’t make it but will send a professional actor for $10.

3. Comic Interlude: Frankie Remley’s Holiday Philosophy (10:14–12:56)

• Frankie Remley visits, bringing gifts and a philosophical take on believing in Santa: “There exist certain psychic phenomena that are ethereal and beyond the comprehension of we mere mortals.” (11:25)
• He suggests that perhaps the real Santa might just appear, if grown-ups had the faith of children.

4. Christmas Eve Anticipation (15:10–16:44)

• The children grow anxious as the clock nears 10 p.m., but Alice reassures them with a rendition of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”
• Phil finishes decorating the tree: “That’s the last ornament. Hey, Gee. Looks pretty good too. Now, if Santa always shows up.” (16:44)

5. The Santa Swap: Jack Benny Enters (17:52–25:04)

• Jack Benny arrives in a less-than-stellar Santa suit, making jokes about the money and his costume.
  • Jack Benny: “Merry Christmas. And where’s my $10?” (18:16)
  • Phil Harris: “Since when do you have to go around playing Santa Claus for money?” (18:22)
• Frankie and Phil poke fun at Jack’s appearance as Santa:
  • Phil Harris: “You look like a bloodshot leopard.” (19:13)
• They test “Santa” out on Julius, the wisecracking delivery boy, whose skepticism provides comic relief.
  • Julius: “You do this to us little kids in the name of juvenile humanity. As with Tetris. Oh, shut up.” (22:32)

6. The Big Reveal: The Girls Meet ‘Santa’ (23:45–25:21)

• Alice brings the children down to meet “Santa,” and they play along, though they instantly recognize Jack Benny.
  • Child: “You look awfully old.” (24:11)
  • Jack Benny/Santa: “I am, little girl... I’m 39.” (24:22)
  • Alice Faye: “We expected him to take out his violin and play Love in Bloom.” (25:19)
• After Jack leaves, the children ask about seeing the “real” Santa.

7. Christmas Magic: The Real Santa Arrives? (25:46–28:36)

• Phil begins “’Twas the Night Before Christmas,” only to be interrupted by the sounds of sleigh bells and the children exclaiming about seeing the real Santa by the fireplace.
  • Alice Faye: “Look in the fireplace. It's Santa Claus. The real one.” (26:49)
  • Phil Harris: “Alice. The milk and cookies. They're gone.” (28:36)
• Phil and Alice are left in a reflective, magical moment, questioning if what they experienced was real.

8. Closing Reflections and Christmas Wishes (30:26–31:14)

• The children deliver Santa’s message to their parents: “He told us to be sure and wish you and mommy a merry Christmas.” (30:26)
• Phil and Alice bid the children goodnight and extend holiday wishes to listeners.
  • Phil Harris: “Alice and I and our entire cast want to thank you so much for listening to our show and wish you the best Christmas you’ve ever had.” (31:12)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Playing Santa:

  • Phil Harris: “You don’t think I can play St. Nick? We’ll have to get somebody else to do it.” (05:56)

• Jack Benny’s Entrance:

  • Jack Benny: “Merry Christmas. And where’s my $10?” (18:16)
  • Phil Harris: “Jackson, since when do you have to go around playing Santa Claus for money?” (18:22)
  • Jack Benny: “If it’s for little Phyllis, I wouldn’t think of taking money. Well, if you insist. $7.50 is plenty.” (20:02)

• Childlike Wisdom:

  • Alice Faye’s Daughter: “We liked you, Santa, but I was a little disappointed. I expected him to take out his violin and play Love in Bloom.” (25:19)
  • Phil Harris: “You mean you kids knew it was Mr. Benny?” (25:21)

• The Magic of Christmas:

  • Frankie Remley (upon the “real” Santa’s arrival): “Of course you did. He sure is nice looking old man.” (28:26)
  • Phil Harris: “The milk and cookies. They're gone.” (28:36)

• Holiday Closing:

  • Phil Harris: “Alice and I and our entire cast want to thank you so much for listening to our show and wish you the best Christmas you’ve ever had.” (31:12)
  • Alice Faye: “Merry Christmas, folks.” (31:14)

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Key Timestamps

| Time | Segment/Event | |-----------|--------------------------------------------| | 03:03 | Alice encourages children's good behavior | | 04:18 | Kids ask to stay up for Santa | | 06:48 | Willie volunteers to play Santa | | 08:06 | Decide Don Wilson would be perfect | | 10:14 | Frankie brings presents and philosophy | | 15:10 | Christmas Eve; kids get anxious | | 17:52 | Jack Benny arrives as Santa | | 22:31 | Test run on Julius, the skeptical kid | | 23:45 | The girls meet “Santa” (Jack Benny) | | 25:46 | The “real” Santa arrives | | 28:36 | Magic realized—milk and cookies gone | | 31:12 | Show’s heartfelt closing and wishes |

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Tone & Language

The episode’s tone is classic, warm, and family-friendly with vintage radio humor. The language captures the playful banter and heartfelt holiday spirit that made these shows communal listening experiences in their day.

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Final Thoughts

This holiday episode beautifully captures the humor, innocence, and gentle sentimentality of radio’s golden era. It’s a Christmas comedy full of mischief (failed Santa disguises, Jack Benny’s comedic “greed”), but balanced with warmth and a touch of magical realism, ending on the note that perhaps, as Frankie said, “There exist certain phenomena beyond the comprehension of mere mortals.” The message: Christmas is a little brighter when approached with childlike faith and love.

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Transcript

[Martha Stewart]

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[Phil Harris]

Good health to all from Rexall. Yes, it's Sunday time for the Phil Harris Alice Bay show. Presented by the makers of Rexall drug products and your Rexall family druggist. Good evening. This week we independent Rexall druggists would like to play Santa Claus. To all you tired last minute Christmas shoppers. Our present to you is quick, easy, economical. Get buying without all the rush and worry. Suggestions? Well, there's Terra Gnome for example, one of America's oldest and most respected lines of beauty aids. And a Rexall exclusive. We have Carenome and delightful gift sets for as low as $2 and on up to a completely fitted traveling case for $50. And believe me, the lady who receives Carenome will never forget the gift or the giver. Then there's Spay Rex, all exclusive popular toiletries for men. You can buy them individually gift box for as low as 75 cents or in handsome combination sets up to 298. And here's another big help most of us Rex all druggists are prepared to gift trap your selections ready either for mailing or the Christmas tree. So if you're faced with some last minute gift buying, look for the store with the orange and blue Rexall sign in the window. This week that sign means quick, easy, can't go wrong. Christmas shopping. Merry Christmas to all from Rexall. And now your exile family druggist brings you the phil harris alice bay show. Written by ray singer and dick chevrolet with elliot lewis, walter tetley, robert north, janine rose, anne whitfield, walter sharp and his music. Our special guest, jack benny. And starring alice fay and phil harris. For weeks now, the Harris children, like children all over the have been thinking of nothing but Christmas and Santa Claus. They've been on their best behavior. And as we look in, we find Alice complimenting the children on their good deportment.

[Alice Bay]

Now you've been particularly good, Alice, and I'm sure that Santa Claus will bring you lots of presents. I hope so, mommy. And as for you, honey, you've been just as good as Alice. You've been going to bed early, putting your toys Away and eating all your food. The only thing is you haven't been drinking all your milk.

[Phil Harris]

Well, I try, but you know how that stuff gags me.

[Alice Bay]

Why, Phil, I'm talking to little Phyllis.

[Phil Harris]

Where is she?

[Alice Bay]

She was here a minute ago. She went in the den. Mommy. I'll go get her. Phyllis. Phyllis, Mommy wants you to. Phyllis, what are you doing with those crayons? I'm going to draw a picture on the wall. Don't do that. You know we gotta be good till Christmas. But I've been good for three weeks now. Alice, it's an awful strain. I know, but it's only five more days. Don't crack up now. You've been so good for so long. I know, but his daddy always says it ain't been easy. Clyde. Alice, have you asked Mommy and Daddy about Santa Claus yet? No, but I will. Children. Children, what's going on in here?

[Phil Harris]

Yeah, what have you two been doing?

[Alice Bay]

Mommy, Daddy, we would ask a favor. We'd like to stay up and see Santa Claus when he brings a present on Christmas Eve.

[Phil Harris]

Well, honey, Santa Claus has a lot of other stops to make and he might get here very late.

[Alice Bay]

Can't we, Daddy? Please?

[Phil Harris]

Well, well, well. Okay. Now, you kids continue to behave yourselves and I promise that you'll see Santa on Christmas Eve. Now run along and play. Go ahead.

[Alice Bay]

Thanks, Daddy. Gee, I can hardly wait for Chris Lev. Now, Phil, why did you promise the children that? Now if they don't see Santa, they'll be very disappointed.

[Phil Harris]

They'll see him. And just to make sure, I'll dress up like Santa and come down the chimney. They won't be able to tell me from the real one.

[Alice Bay]

Daddy?

[Phil Harris]

Yes, dear?

[Alice Bay]

Don't you dress up and make believe your Santa like last year year. Boy, was that corny.

[Phil Harris]

You know something, Alice? I still can't figure out how they knew that it was me last year. What did I do that was wrong?

[Alice Bay]

Well, for one thing, you were supposed to come in singing Jingle Bells.

[Phil Harris]

I did.

[Alice Bay]

I know, but those lyrics. I can still hear them. Ham hops and turnip greens, they melt right in your mouth. And candy jams and a harmony grits and that's what I like about the sound.

[Phil Harris]

And what's wrong with those lyrics?

[Alice Bay]

That isn't the way we sing it up North.

[Phil Harris]

Well, can I help it if you Yankees don't know the right word? It's vanilla dance. Yeah. Never did it that way in my life. You don't think I can play St. Nick? We'll have to get somebody else to do it.

[Alice Bay]

Yes, but who?

[Phil Harris]

Well, I'll think of somebody if you'll just let me concentrate. Now, if I think hard enough, something will come out.

[Alice Bay]

Good morning, Phillip.

[Phil Harris]

For this, I had to concentrate yet.

[Alice Bay]

Hello, Alice.

[Phil Harris]

I just drew Willie. Wait a minute, Willie, maybe you can help us. Look, we're trying to think of who we can get to play Santa Claus for the kids on Christmas Eve. Now, we want to get someone who looks and sounds like the real thing.

[Alice Bay]

I know just the man.

[Phil Harris]

Who?

[Alice Bay]

Me.

[Phil Harris]

I shall be glad to portray Christopher Kringle. Christopher? Well, Donner, my Blitzen. Fine Santa Claus you'd make. I'd make a next excellent one.

[Alice Bay]

I'm quite an actor, you know. Yes, indeed. I can see myself popping out of the chimney, bounding into the living room.

[Phil Harris]

And saying, ho, ho, ho.

[Alice Bay]

And a merry Christmas to you little kiddies.

[Phil Harris]

And what do you darlings desire as a Yuletide memento? Thank you, Tallulah Bankhead. Now, you'll do me a favor, will you? Get lost Index. Go someplace and make a double entry. Check some books, make some mistakes, find some.

[Alice Bay]

Well, you don't want me to help you, I won't. No, I have to run along anyway.

[Phil Harris]

I have to meet my girlfriend at the taxidermist. I hope they did a good job on it. Imagine that little squirt playing Santa Claus. He couldn't impress me if he came in with a bag full of sponsors.

[Alice Bay]

Now, look, Billy may be small, but he might be all right. I wonder how he'd look in a fluffy white wig and beard.

[Phil Harris]

Like a short beard. Look, Alice, we got to get somebody who's big and fat and who can come. Hey, wait a minute. I got just the guy.

[Alice Bay]

Don Wilson. Oh, Don would be perfect. Sure. I'll call him right now and see if he can come over for Christmas.

[Phil Harris]

Oh, swell, honey. Oh, now the kids won't be disappointed. Santa will show up. You know, there's something wonderful about watching a kid on Christmas. Waiting for Santa and listening for those. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way oh, what fun it is to ride In a one horse open sleigh Jingle bells, jingle bells oh, what fun it is to ride In a one horse open sleigh Backing through the snow In a one horse open sleigh over the fields we go Laughing all the way Bells on Bob Hill ring They're making spirits fight what fun it is to ride and sing a sleigh song tonight Jingle bell, jingle bell Jingle all the way hey. Oh, what fun it is to ride In a one Horse open sleigh hey Jingle bell, jingle bell Jingle all the way oh, what fun it is to ride In a one horse open sleigh A day or two go I thought I'd take a ride and soon the Salisbay was seated by my side the horse was lean and light Misfortune seemed his lot he got into a drifted back and we, we got a shot playing brain well ahead. So, so cold and fist and light the stream go what fun it is to ride In a one horse open sleigh It Jingle bell, jingle bells Jingle all the way oh, what fun it is to ride it open Play single bell, jingle bell Jingle all the way oh, what fun it is to ride one horse One horse Open open One heart open. Gee whiz, I hope Don can make it. He's gonna be terrific as the Santa.

[Alice Bay]

Uh.

[Phil Harris]

Oh, that must be Frankie. Hiya, Curly. Hiya, Frankie. Come on in. Yeah. Hey, look pretty good, Waldo Bankman. What do you got in all them packages? Christmas presents? Got some things for the kids and Alice. And here's something for you. Curling. For me? You got a friend for a little old Curly headed. Me? Yeah, I got you. Oh, Frankie, that's sweet of you. Oh, I. I don't know what to say. Well, that's all right, Curly, but the thought. Oh, Frankie, you know how I appreciate it. It touches me deeply. If you want to get sloppy about it, I'll take it. Where's Alice? Oh, I meant to tell you. She's inside calling Don Wilson. See, the kids want to see Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, so we're asking Don to play it. Why are you getting Don Wilson to play Santa? Well, what else am I gonna do? Well, let him stay up and see the real Santa Claus. Yeah, but I don't know what time he's coming. Can I have that again, Herman? Yeah, why don't you let the kids see the real Santa Claus? You know, you better get some sleep, kid. See, you're another one of those cynics, huh, wise guy, who don't believe you do. Of course, just because you've never seen him don't mean he's not there. You must realize, Curly, there are some things in life that are inexplicable. There exist certain psychic phenomena that are ethereal and beyond the comprehension of we mere mortals. Don't you agree? Oh, and indominumly, Curly, you can take my word for it. The real guy will show up. Look, will you stop already, Remley? I'm in enough trouble. I'm trying to get A guy in your. All I gotta say is it's a good thing. Kids have more common sense and faith than some grown ups. A Christmas wouldn't be much fun. I know that on Christmas Eve old Saint Nick and his reindeer will come flying through the sky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But do you mind if we have somebody stand in in case he's grounded by a low fog over Burbank? All right, scoff if you will. I'll drop over Christmas Eve. Maybe then you'll sing a different tune. Goodbye, infidel. Poor Remily ain't been the same since he switched to buttermilk.

[Alice Bay]

Still, still. I called Don, but he can't make it. However, he said he has a lot of active friends and he'll send one of them over. He said we'd have to pay the actor $10.

[Phil Harris]

So what? It'll be worth $10 to make the kids happy. Hey, honey, did Don say he could get someone? Positively. You know, this is very important.

[Alice Bay]

Don promised, so stop worrying. It's still five days till Christmas Eve and if you keep this up, you'll drive yourself batty.

[Phil Harris]

And for five days, Phil, worry.

[Martha Stewart]

The holidays are about giving something truly special. I'm Martha Stewart and I believe the best gifts aren't just beautiful, they're useful every single day. Lennox has brought timeless beauty and lasting quality to our tables for generations. And their Lenox Spice Village is the perfect holiday gift for someone you love or for yourself. It's more than a spice rack. It's a charming collection of hand painted houses that turn ordinary spices into extraordinary experiences. Imagine cinnamon from a tiny Victorian cottage or oregano from a pastel townhouse. Suddenly, a simple meal becomes a moment to savor. Because spices can be more than ingredients. They can inspire memories, warmth and joy all year long. Give a gift that lasts beyond the holidays. Discover the [e-mail] SpiceVillage hello, I'm here.

[Alice Bay]

During the lunch rush with Janice, who.

[Phil Harris]

Owns her own food truck.

[Alice Bay]

Best cheesesteaks in town.

[Phil Harris]

Janice traded up to Geico Commercial Auto Insurance for her food truck business. We're here where she needs us most.

[Martha Stewart]

They sure are.

[Phil Harris]

We make it so easy for her to save with customized coverage that grows with her business. Sorry, I just get so emotional talking about saving folks money.

[Alice Bay]

Not this onion I'm chopping.

[Phil Harris]

It's just so beautiful.

[Martha Stewart]

Oh, yeah.

[Announcer]

Nice.

[Martha Stewart]

The onion.

[Phil Harris]

Get a commercial Auto insurance quote [e-mail] and see how much you could save. It feels good. To Geico. Now, as we look in on the Harris home, it's Christmas Eve. Phil is downstairs trimming the tree and impatiently awaiting the arrival of Santa. Alice is upstairs reassuring the children that he'll be there.

[Alice Bay]

But mommy, it's 10 o' clock already and Santa isn't here yet. Gee, Mommy, do you think maybe he isn't coming? Now, now, don't fret, girls. Of course he's coming. You better watch out, you better not cry better not part I'm telling you.

[Phil Harris]

Why Santa Claus is coming to town.

[Alice Bay]

He'S making a list and checking it twice Gonna find out who's naughty and nice Santa Claus is coming Needs to come he sees you when you're sleeping he knows when you're away he knows you and bad or good so be good for goodness sake oh, you better watch out, you better not cry better not hard, I'm telling you why Santa.

[Phil Harris]

Claus is coming to town.

[Alice Bay]

Is it right? With a strange open plane With a.

[Phil Harris]

Great big present With a them all.

[Alice Bay]

Away he saves you when you're sleeping he knows when you're awake he knows that you've been bad or good so.

[Phil Harris]

Good for goodness sake oh, you better watch out, you better not try better.

[Alice Bay]

Not hard I'm telling you all. Too. There.

[Phil Harris]

That's the last ornament. Hey, Gee. Looks pretty good too. Now, if Santa always shows up.

[Alice Bay]

I was just upstairs with the children. Oh, honey, the tree looks beautiful.

[Phil Harris]

Yeah, ain't it? Hey, Alice, how are the kids? Are they. Are they impatient?

[Alice Bay]

Oh, they'll be all right. Hello.

[Phil Harris]

Merry Christmas, everybody.

[Alice Bay]

Oh, Merry Christmas, Frankie. Oh, Merry Christmas.

[Phil Harris]

Hey, Frankie, what do you got there? Milk and cookies for Santa Claus. I put them on the mantle for him every year. Milk and cookies? Yeah, I just put them here over the fireplace. Hey, where are the kids?

[Alice Bay]

Oh, they're upstairs waiting for Santa.

[Phil Harris]

Yeah, and I'm waiting for him too. When's the guy gonna show up? It's after 10 already. I'll be patient, girl. He's got a long trip from the North Pole. Besides, his reindeer ain't as young as they used to to be. Oh, keep quiet, will you? By paying the guy 10 bucks, you'd think he'd get here on time. Subterfuge is also unnecessary. Uhoh. There it is. I bet that's Santa Claus now. I'll let him in.

[Alice Bay]

I'll go with you, honey.

[Phil Harris]

Okay. Well, Merry Christmas, Sant Claus. Hello, Santa Claus. Merry Christmas. And where's my $10?

[Alice Bay]

Come on in, Jack.

[Phil Harris]

Hey, Jackson. What are you doing here? Well, Don Wilson happened to mention that you were in the market for Santa Claus. And you were paying $10. Jackson, since when do you have to go around playing Santa Claus for months? Phil, please. I'm not doing it just for the money. There are other reasons. I mean I'm doing it because. Well there's not to mention. Oh, I could go on naming reasons like that. Oh, hello Frankie. Merry Christmas. Oh, Merry Christmas. Me? You impostor, you a fine looking Santa Claus. I think I look charming. Charming he said. Where'd you get that messy red suit? It's got spots all over it. I rented it. The Santa Claus had it last year. Was a sloppy eater. Phil, how do you think I look? Like a bloodshot leopard. I think you look ridiculous. Get a load of that white beard. Where'd you rent that moth eaten thing? Oh that I didn't rent. I was playing gin rummy with Monty Woolley and I won it. You people don't like me a Santa Claus?

[Alice Bay]

Oh, pay no attention to these two, Jack. I think you make a wonderful Santa Claus. And you're worth it. We're paying you. Phil, give Jack the $10.

[Phil Harris]

Okay, okay. Here you are Jack. Jackson. Thanks.

[Announcer]

Will.

[Alice Bay]

Get a kick out of it. I'll go call little Phyllis. And Jack. Jack, try to convince her you're really Santa Claus. Huh?

[Phil Harris]

Little Phyllis? Phil, I thought I was doing this for your benefit. I mean if it's for little Phyllis, I wouldn't think of taking money. No, no, no, it's okay Jackson. A deal's a deal. They'll. Please, please don't embarrass me. But Jackson, it's for the kid. I wouldn't think of taking the $10. Well, if you insist. 750 is plan. What kind of a heel do you think I. Now Phil. Mighty sweet of you Jackson, to play Santa claus for my two kids. Two kids? See? 750 each. Nah, nah, I can't take. I can't take any money at all for this. Tell you what Phil, if you wanna, you can buy me a little something for Christmas. Like what? Anything that Alice can afford. I don't. Okay, but now look, Jackson, it's up to you to make the kids think that you're Santa. This impersonation is preposterous. Santa Claus won't like this. Besides, you'll never be able to fool the kids. Oh, I don't know. Well wait a minute now Jackson, it'd be awful if you don't. If there was only some kid we could try it out on just to see if we can.

[Alice Bay]

Hey, where are you? I've drunk something for you.

[Phil Harris]

Uh oh That's Julius. Hey everybody, that's Julius. That's just the kid we need. Come on in here, Julius. Right in here. We're in here. Now look, if you can fool him, Jackson, you can fool any kid. Don't worry, Phil. I'll just sit here in this chair and you watch his reaction when he sees me. Okay, Dad. I Certainly hope.

[Alice Bay]

Hey, Mr. Harris, don't you feel a little chilly?

[Phil Harris]

No, why?

[Alice Bay]

You left your red flannels lying on a chair.

[Phil Harris]

I'm not red flannel. Don't you recognize me, sonny?

[Alice Bay]

You look familiar.

[Phil Harris]

Well, I'll give you a hint. I'm that jolly old man with a white beard.

[Alice Bay]

Well, but ain't Gabby Hayes.

[Phil Harris]

Julius, he ain't Gabby Hayes. What's the matter with you? Don't you recognize Santa Claus when you see him?

[Alice Bay]

This is Santa Claus?

[Phil Harris]

That's right, son. I'm over old Saint Nick. Gabby Nick.

[Alice Bay]

Do this to us little kids in the name of juvenile humanity. As with Tetris. Oh, shut up.

[Phil Harris]

Now sit in my lap and tell me what you want for Christmas. Or I'll break every bone in your precious little box. Gabby Hayes. Gabby Hayes.

[Alice Bay]

Get away from me, you imposter. You. You're nothing but a fake. I am not. Oh, no. What would I find if I lifted up that white wig?

[Phil Harris]

A brown one.

[Alice Bay]

I thought so. Wait till I see the real Santa tonight. He ain't gonna like it when I tell him he's being impersonated by some bald headed shrug.

[Phil Harris]

There goes that cute little child. He has all the charm of live bait. I told you, you can't feel good. Oh, kids, kids, kids. You can't class him as a kid. He's a wise guy. Besides, he's older than my kids. And when the girls come down, they won't know the difference. Jackson looks old enough to be.

[Alice Bay]

Come on, children. He's right in here. Well, there he is. Gee, Santa Claus. Hello, Santa.

[Phil Harris]

Merry Christmas. And hello again. This is Santa Claus talking. Come here, children, and tell me how you like old Santa.

[Alice Bay]

We like you fine, Santa. You're just like we textured you. Yes, but Santa.

[Phil Harris]

What is it, my child?

[Alice Bay]

You look awfully old.

[Phil Harris]

I am, little girl. After all, I'm Santa Claus and I live for hundreds and hundreds. Hundreds of years.

[Alice Bay]

How old are you?

[Phil Harris]

39. Well, old Santa has to be going now. Here are your toys, girls.

[Alice Bay]

Thank you, Santa. Yeah, thanks.

[Phil Harris]

Well, I'll be seeing you next year. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. Up Dancer, up Prancer, up Donner and Blitzen, The big ham.

[Alice Bay]

Well, children, what did you think of Santa Claus? I liked him, but I was a little disappointed. Why? I expected him to take out his violin and play Love and Blue.

[Phil Harris]

You mean you kids knew it was Mr. Benny?

[Alice Bay]

Sure, but we didn't want to say anything and hurt his feelings. Daddy, when is the real Santa coming?

[Phil Harris]

Well, well, you see, honey, he's. Well, he'll be here soon. Oh, thank you. Look, kids, he may get here too late. So I tell you what. I'll tell you a Christmas story and then. And then you run off to bed, huh?

[Alice Bay]

Well, all right, Daddy, but we wanted so much to see.

[Phil Harris]

I know you did. And maybe you'll see him next year. Now, look, sit on my lap and I'll tell you a beautiful Christmas story. You ready? Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even the mouse. Stockings were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would the. I thought I heard sleigh bells. No. The children were nestled all snug in their beds while visions of sugar plums danced through their heads. Alice. Alice, what are those bells? What's that? Quiet.

[Alice Bay]

Look in the fireplace. It's Santa Claus. The real one.

[Phil Harris]

But. Merry Christmas, Santa. Frankie, who you talking to? I don't see anybody. The kids do.

[Alice Bay]

But gee, Santa, we knew you'd come. You couldn't fool us with any make believe, Santa Claus. We were waiting just for you. Oh, sure, we've been very good girls. What a lovely dollhouse. Thank you. And all these things are for me. Can I open them now? All right, Santa. We'll wait till morning. Thank you very much. And a merry Christmas to you too, Santa. Of course we'll tell them. Merry Christmas and goodbye, Santa Claus.

[Phil Harris]

I told you to show up, Ker. But Frankie, I don't get it. I heard it, but. But, but I didn't see him. Of course you did. He sure is nice looking old man. Alice, did. Did you see him?

[Alice Bay]

I'm not sure, Phil. I. I almost thought I saw him standing by the fireplace.

[Phil Harris]

But Alice, how could it be if he was standing there by. Phil, what are you standing at the mantle? Alice. The milk and cookies. They're gone. Phil and Alice will be back in just a moment. But. Now here's your Rexall family druggist speaking as another stand in for Santa Claus. Yes, friends, there are 10,000 such stand ins for Santa this week. 10,000 independent Rexall druggists who are ready, willing and able to take the rush and worry out of your Last minute Christmas shopping. You see, we've seen to it that our stores are filled with beautiful, distinctive, sure to please gifts for the home, for the children, for the entire family. Gifts it's a pleasure to choose, economical to buy. So look for the store with the orange and blue Rexall sign in the window. This week it's headquarters for quick, easy, last minute Christmas shopping. Merry Christmas to all from Rexall. Phyllis, Alice, look, children, Santa said something to you and you said yes. We'll tell him. What did he say?

[Alice Bay]

He told us to be sure and wish you and mommy a merry Christmas. Now wasn't that sweet of him? Now, girls, you're all tucked in. You've seen Santa and you have you want.

[Phil Harris]

So go right to sleep. Good night. Good night, babies.

[Alice Bay]

Daddy?

[Phil Harris]

Yes, there.

[Alice Bay]

Can I have a drink of water?

[Phil Harris]

Go to sleep. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Phil Harris, the Rexall Drug Company. Alice and I and our entire cast want to thank you so much for listening to our show and wish you the the best Christmas you've ever had.

[Alice Bay]

Merry Christmas, folks.

[Phil Harris]

And our grateful thanks to our pal Jack Benny for being with us. Thank you, Jackson. Good night. Christmas seals you buy once a year will help protect you from tuberculosis all the year. Use Christmas seals generously. This is Bill Foreman wishing good health to all from this is NBC, the national broadcasting company.

[Martha Stewart]

The holidays are about giving something truly special. I'm Martha Stewart and I believe the best gifts aren't just beautiful, they're useful every single day. Lennox has brought timeless beauty and lasting quality to our tables for generations. And their Lenox Spice Village is the perfect holiday gift for someone you love or for yourself. It's more than a spice rack. It's a charming collection of hand painted houses that turn ordinary spices into extraordinary experiences. Imagine cinnamon from a tiny Victorian cottage or oregano from a pastel townhouse. Suddenly, a simple meal becomes a moment to savor. Because spices can be more than ingredients. They can inspire memories, warmth and joy all year long. Give a gift that lasts beyond the holidays. Discover the [e-mail] SpiceVillage want to make.

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