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Nero 82-02-20 Cordially Invited To Meet Death
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Nero 82-02-20 Cordially Invited To Meet Death
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Archie Goodwin
At your job, do you ever have to deal with a nose roller? How about a snub pulley? Well, if you're installing a new conveyor belt system, dealing with the different components can sound like you're speaking a foreign language. Luckily, you've got a team ready to help. Grainger's technical product specialists are fluent in maintenance, repair and operations. So whenever you want to talk shop, just reach out. Call clickgranger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done. Rex Stouts Nero Wolf. Starring Neighbor Moore as Nero Wolf and Dawn Franks as Archie Goodwin. Today's episode cordially invited to meet Death. With special guest stars Barbara Hamilton, Terry Tweed, Lynn Daragon, Ken James and Tom Harvey. When Bess Huddleston phoned to ask Nero Wolf to come up to her place at Riverdale right away, I know I should have cut her off short, but I suggested that if she came up to our office about three, Mr. Wolf would be delighted to see her. Which was a lie after her other visit to him. Wolf would not be delighted to see Bess Huddleston at any time. But what the hell? The August heat had made him even lazier than usual, and it had been as dull as a blunt instrument since our last case. He needed stirring up. My. With all your weight in this heat, I should think you'd sweat more. You remember me, Mr. Wolf? Indeed I do. You're the woman who came here two years ago and tried to bribe me to play the clown. Bribe? That's silly. I offered you $2,000 to come to a party and be the detective in a murder game. $2,000 and all the beer you could drink for a few hours work. Now, surely that was a reasonable offer. If you have come, madam. Relax. I don't want you for a party this time. I wish I did. Someone is trying to ruin me. Ruin you? What, financially? Physically? Just ruin me. You know what I do? I do parties. I know what you do very well. My clients are rich and important people. So what do you think the effect would be? Wait, I'll show you. No, you drop something? Hmm? Oh, down there. That? That's nothing. Just toss it in the wastebasket. Into the wastebasket. Here it is. What do you think of this letter, Archie? This is confidential. So is Mr. Goodwin. Read it to me, Archie. The envelope is addressed to Mrs. Jervis Horrocks, new York City. And the message reads, Was it ignorance or something else that caused Dr. Brady to prescribe the wrong medicine for your daughter? Ask Bess Huddleston. She can tell you if she will. She told me it's all in fancy type. There's no signature. There was another one, but I haven't got it. It was sent to a very rich and prominent man. And it said where and with whom does your wife spend most of her afternoons? Asked Bess Huddleston. She told me. The man showed it to me. His wife is one of my best. Are you consulting me or hiring me? I'm hiring you to find out who sent those things. It's a mean kind of job, often next to impossible. Nothing but greed could induce me to tackle it. Certainly. I know how to charge, too. I expect to get soaked. But where will I be if this isn't stopped and stopped quickly. Very well. Your notebook. Aren't you now? I can save you some time. The paper and envelopes are the kind used by my assistant, Janet Nichols. Your assistant? At 10 at arranging parties. Very clever girl, really. She thought of the striker. Giant and dwarf party. Giant and dwarf? Go on, please. Both messages were typed on my typewriter. Owned by me, I should say. It's used by my secretary, Mariella Timms. Both of the girls live in my house and both had access to the typewriter. Oh, yes. My office is never locked. Anyone else? Servants. No use to bother about servants. No servant ever stays long enough to develop a grudge. Yes, the newspapers are full of the stories of the alligators, bears and other disturbing elements in your home. Publicity is important in my line of work. You grow plants, I grow orchids, but not for publicity. Does anyone else live in your house? Well, there's my nephew Larry. He's on my payroll, too. But there's no point in even thinking about him. He'd never do a thing like that. What about the insinuations in the letters? The wrong medicine and the questionable afternoon? I know nothing about those things in any way. They're irrelevant. The point is that some malicious person is trying to ruin me by spreading hints that I'm blabbing secrets about people. Whether the secrets are true or not has nothing to do with it. Okay, okay. Now, Forget about where Mrs. Rich man spends her afternoons. Maybe at the ball game. But just as a matter of record, did Mrs. Jervis Horrocks have a daughter? And had she been sick and had Dr. Brady attended her? Yes. Mrs. Horrocks daughter died a month ago, and Dr. Brady was her doctor. Died of what? Tetanus. She scratched her arm on a nail in a riding academy. There is no wrong medicine for tetanus. It was terrible, but it has nothing to do with this. The point is that someone is trying to ruin me and it's got to be stopped. And if you're as smart as you're supposed to be, you can stop it. Of course I ought to tell you. I know who did it. Do you know? Yes, I think I know. No, I do know. Then why, madam, are you annoying me? Because I can't prove it and she denies it. What? You charged her with it? I discussed it with her. And also with Mariella, my nephew, and Dr. Brady and my brother. I asked them questions. I saw I couldn't handle it, so I came to you. My elimination. The culprit then, is Ms. Nichols? Yes. But you have no proof. What do you have? I have a feeling. Oh, phew. Based on what? I know her. Do you? By divination? Phrenology. What specific revelations of a character have you observed as she pull chairs from other people? Cut the glitter. You know quite well what I mean. I say I know her, that's all. I see flatly you don't like her. She must be either remarkably stupid or extremely clever to have used her own stationery for anonymous letters. Have you thought of that? Certainly. She's clever. How long has she worked for you? Three years. You pay her adequately? I certainly do. Then why does she want to ruin you? Sheer cussing. The sheath thinks she has a grievance, which is a private matter. Wouldn't help you any. Look, I'm willing to pay you for finding out who sent those letters and getting proof. You mean you pay me for fastening the guilt on Ms. Nichols? Not at all. On whoever did it. No matter who it is. Certainly. But you're sure it's Ms. Nichols? I'm not sure. I said I have a feeling. Look, I have to go. I'll be late for an appointment. Can you come up to my place tonight? No, I cannot. As you know, I rarely leave this house. Then how can you? First I'd like to see the young women. Send them here. I'll be free at 6:00. My God, you would have made a wonderful party. If I could sell it to the Crothers, I could make it 4,000. Good day, Ms. Huddleston. Don't bother to see me out. You couldn't move fast enough to suit me anyway. Archie, the reason I gave her an appointment was quite simple. You haven't accepted a case. Bring me that thing that she dropped. Well, the thing I threw in the wastebasket. Yes, what is it? Well, it's. It's a snapshot of a girl's face. Nothing special to my taste. Trimmed off so it's six sided in shape. It's about the size of a half dollar. Interesting. You want it for your album. See that those young women are here at 6 sharp. Archie, I'm Janet Nichols. And I'm Mariella Tim. We have an appointment with Mr. Wolf for 6:00. You're late. I'm sorry. It's my fault. Well, come in. We'll go into the office. Since it's 20 minutes past 6, Mr. Wolf has gone to the kitchen and started operations on some corned beef hash. You mean he's eating corned beef hash? No, that comes later. He's concocting it. I, I really am sorry. I didn't get back until after five and I was in riding clothes and had to change. If you ladies will just wait a minute. Make yourself comfortable, please. I'll see if I can pry him out of the kitchen for the seasoning. Fritz, it's only the dryness, the texture. Mr. Wolf, you won't let me use olive oil. If I could interrupt this cabinet meeting. Ms. Nichols and Ms. Tims are here. They're late. Tell them to come back tomorrow fresh. I will not allow you to put olive oil. Well, I hear y'all making corned beef hash. Archie, I, I, I asked them to wait in the office. Excuse me, but corned beef hash is one of my specialties. Well, now, let's see. There's nothing in this bowl but meat, is there? As you see. Why, it's ground too fine. Ground too? This is Ms. Timms, Mr. Wolf, Mr. Fritz Brenner, our chef. Ground too fine for what? This is not a tender fresh meat with juices to lose. Oh, now, honey, you just calm down. It's not ruined. Only it's better if it's coarser. Oh, and that's far too much potatoes for that meat. But if you don't have chitlins, well then. Chitlins. Fresh pig chitlins. Of course. That's the secret of it. Fried shallow in olive oil with onion juice. Good heavens. I've never heard of it. It's never occurred to me, Fritz, it might go. We can try it as an experiment. Archie, go to Kretzmayer and see if he has pig chitlins. Two pounds. Oh, you better let me help, Fritz. It's sort of tricky. Slight change of plans, Ms. Nichols, it seems. Oh, what's the matter? What did you do with it? What did I do with what? Snapshot you took from my desk. It's the Only picture I've got of you. Where'd you put it? I don't know what you mean. That picture is my property and I want it, let's say, fluttered into your bag. Now look in your bag. It isn't. Then I'll look into your bag. No, it isn't there. It's. It's down my blouse. Okay, you have an alternative? Either you dig it out yourself, or I will. Now, first way is most ladylike. I'll even turn my bag. Please. It's my picture. It's a picture of you, but it's not your picture. Ms. Huddleston gave it to you. Let's say she did. And she thinks I sent those awful letters. I know she does, and I didn't. Good. Only a skunk would send letters like that. That is another matter which Mr. Wolf is handling. I'm handling the picture and I want it back. Now, do I take it? No. Just turn around. I'll count to three. One, two. All right. There you are. Thank you. Now, you'd like to come with me. Where? Where? Where are you taking me? Ms. Nichols, you and I are about to hunt the wild pig chitlin in its lair. What? I won't have any hash, thank you. No hash? No, thank you. Could I have Fritz slice some ham for you? Oh, yes. Thank you. You won't eat the hash because I cooked it. That is not so. I just don't like corned beef. But it has pig chitlins. I don't like pig chitlins either. Mr. Wolfe, I thought we came here to discuss those letters. After dinner, Ms. Nichols. Hines never discuss business with a meal. I have an engagement at nine. Now, that was what I call a truly productive evening. We have them here for three hours and what do we got? Janet doesn't like corned beef hash. Mariella doesn't like Janet. Fritz doesn't like Mariella. I think Mariella's kind of cute. I just love the way she pops her eyes when she says calm beef. How you Shut up. That's what the whole evening has been. Hash. If you think you're gonna solve this case. Look, go up there tomorrow and look around. Check the servants, the typewriters, talk to the nephew and decide if I must see him. And if so, bring him. And get Dr. Brady here. After lunch would be best right around 2. Now, please get your notebook and take a letter. Get it off tonight. Special delivery. Yes, sir. I'm ready. To Professor J. Martingale of Harvard. Harvard. Dear Joseph, I have made a remarkable discovery. Stop you may remember our discussion last winter regarding the possibility of using pig chitlins in connection with the. Oh, boy. If I had taken a gun with me that afternoon, I swear I would have found a use for it, since I read newspapers. The trick fence at Bess Huddleston's estate in Riverdale was no surprise to me. I parked the car, walked up a path through the trees and bushes towards the house. I don't know what warned me. I suppose I was aware of being watched. Oh, nice. Nice fellow. Easy, boy. Easy. Nice orangutan. Easy now. Easy, boy. I'm a friend, honest. I was invited. If this is your private path, why didn't you say so? All right, okay, I'm going. I'm going. He wants to play tag. What? He wants to play tag. I don't. Well, if you offend him, he'll bite you. Start past him and dodge when he goes to touch you. Dodge a couple of times, then let him tag you and say Mr. In an admiring voice. That's all, Mister. Mr. Is his name. Oh. Well, I could turn around and just go home. No, I wouldn't try that. He'd resent it. Well, then I could sock him one. You might. I doubt it. Besides, if you hurt him and my aunt ever catches you. I suppose you're Archie Goodwin. Uh huh. I'm Larry Huddleston. I didn't send those letters and don't know who did. My aunt is upstairs arguing with her brother Daniel. But I can't invite you in until you get past mister. Does everyone who comes here have to play tag with this damn overgrown orangutan? He's not an orangutan. He's a chimpanzee. Doesn't often play with strangers. Means he likes you. Oh, swell. Here, mister. Come on, catch me. You missed. Ha ha ha. Try again. Whoa. Look, you caught me. Mister. Nice mister. God, I feel like a damn fool. Very good. You've made a friend for life. Oh, great. Great. My heart bleeds. My hand. Oh, did he bite you? Must have just scratched me. I guess it's just a scratch. Come on up to the house. I'll get you some iodine. You keep a first aid outfit beside the front door? We keep iodine in every room. Why? On account of Mr. He never bites deep. But he often breaks somebody's skin, then Logo and Lulu. Sometimes they take a little and. Lulu. The bears. Oh, yeah, the bears. Yes. Where are they now? Having a nap somewhere. They always nap in the afternoon. They'll be around later. Great. I can't Wait. That's all there is. This is my aunt now. Thousand times. Oh, you've come. How are you? Fine. This is my brother, Daniel. Mr. Goldwyn. Goodwin. What? The name's Goodwin. Of course. How did you make out? Shouldn't we go up to your office? Evans, you can talk in front of Daniel and Larry. We've discussed the whole thing. Oh, okay. We talked with Janet and Mariella. Dr. Brady was requested to call at our office at 2:00 today. But he was too busy. Huh? He wasn't too busy to come up here and ride one of my horses. They ought to be back soon. He's with Janet now. You can meet him then. Okay. Now, if I can see where Janet keeps her stairs stationary. And take a sample from that typewriter. Daniel, will you show Mr. Gordon to the office? Goodwin. And when you're finished, please join us on the terrace for cocktails. Thanks. Larry, you come with me. We need to settle about the Furstenberg. There's nothing too settled until. Oh, you're a detective. That's what they tell me. Anyone who sends letters like that deserves to be immersed to the chin in a 10 solution of hydrofluoric acid. Why? Would that be painful? Well, yes. Yes, it would. Do you want to ask me anything? What should I ask you? Well, that's the trouble. There's nothing I can tell you. I have no information to offer or even suspicions. But I could offer a comment. 2 Comments. Number one, it is worth considering that four people would be injured by anything that might happen to my sister. I am her brother and I have a deep and strong affection for her. The young ladies are employed by her and they are well paid. Larry is also well paid. Frankly, too well. But for his aunt, he might earn $4 a day as a helper on a coal barge. I know of no other occupation that would not strain his faculties beyond their limit. Except maybe a gigolo. But the point is, his prosperity depends entirely on hers. So it is conceivable, and I offer this here. He has a comment that we four may properly be eliminated from suspicion. Okay, that leaves one. One sure. Doc Brady? By no means. You misunderstand me. Now, I know very little about Dr. Brady. Though it so happens that my second comment concerns him. I insist it is merely a comment. You have the letter received by Mrs. Horrocks? Yes. Then you have probably realized that while it purports to be an attack on Dr. Brady, it is so manifestly absurd that it couldn't possibly damage him. Mrs. Horrocks daughter died of tetanus. There is no such thing as a wrong medicine for tetanus. Nor a right one either. The antitoxin can prevent tetanus, but if the toxin has reached the nerve centers, nothing can cure it. So the attack on Dr. Brady was no attack at all. Gee, that's interesting. Are you a doctor? No, I'm a research chemist, but any standard medical. Sure, sure, I'll look it up. I'll look it up. What reason do you suppose Doc Brady might have had for putting your sister on the skids? So far as I know, none. None whatever. Then that lets him up. With everyone out, there's no one left but your sister. My sister? She must have sent the letters herself. Should we look at the office? Oh, there you are. And just in time. Haskell will bring drinks out in a minute. You know the girls. And Larry, of course. And I hear you've met Mr. I've had the pleasure. So the only one you don't know is Dr. Brady. This is Mr. Goldman. No, the name is Gulen Wangle. Don't mind her, Mr. Goodwin. It's opposed. She pretends she can't remember the name of anyone not in the social register, since her entire career is founded on snobbery. Oh, snob yourself. You were born to it and believe in it. With me it's business. But for heaven's sakes, let's not. Oh, mister. Oh, mister. You devil, mister. You dare tickle my feet. Give me back my slippers. Don't mind that, Mr. Goodman. It's a game they play. Mr. Loves to tickle her feet. Yes, I know how playful he is. You stop it. Stop it. Oh, now here comes Haso with our drinks. Now, you be a good boy or mish. Look out. Now see what you've done, you naughty boy? You've upset Haskell's tray and smashed the glasses. Oh, Haskell, for God's sakes, don't leave now with guests coming for dinner. Go to your room and have a drink and lie down. We'll. We'll clean this up. My name is Hoskins. Oh, so it is. Of course it is. Go and have a drink, Hoskins. Yes. Oh, it's all right, baby. It's all right. Mommy's not mad at you. You just wanted your drink, didn't you? All day. Give him a drink. Oh, yes, just fruit juice, of course. Good, good. I can imagine him with a martini under his bel. There we are, everything cleaned up, and mommy's big boy has his drink. Everything's better now. This seems to be a day for breaking things. Someone broke my bottle of bath salts and it splattered all over the bathroom. And whoever did it just left it that way. Who, Mr. Oh, I don't think so. He never goes in there. I didn't care to ask the servants. Well, I better go and see if there's gonna be any dinner or anyone to serve it. Where did Mr. Put my slipper? Oh, there it is, under the hammock. Ah, I see it. Oh, Dan, what is it? Piece of glass in my slipper cut my toe. I'll get the iodine. Oh. Ouch. It's bleeding a lot. Well, we'll stop that in a minute. Just a shallow gash in the bottom of your to. Oh. Oh, well, Mister, for heaven's sake, be quiet. Mommy's all right. Here's the iodine advantages, Doctor. Thank you. Now, this will sting for a moment. Ouch. All right, mister. Dr. Brady isn't hurting Mommy. The iodine is making it better. See? Hey, bring that back. Mister. Give Mariella the bottle. Mister. Here. Oh, Mary. My, does iodine kill grass? We'll find out soon enough, won't we? That was Tuesday, August 19th. On Wednesday the 20th, Dr. Brady came to the office for an interview with Wolf. The next day, brother Daniel and nephew Larry came. But all we got out of that was that among the men, nobody liked anybody. Wolf was fed up and refused to budge further on the case. The call came from Mariella on Monday morning, and I went straight upstairs to the plant rooms to tell him this Huddleston is dead. Oh, let me alone, Archie. I've done all I can. I seen them all and nothing. Someone will probably get another letter before. No, sir. There'll be no more letters. I'm stating facts. Friday evening, tetanus set in from that cut in her toe, and just about an hour ago, she died. Mariella just called to tell me tetanus? Yes, sir. That would have been a large fee. Well, it would have been if you'd seen fit to do a little work. Oh, it was no good and you know it. I was waiting for another letter. Well, filed it away, including the letter to Mrs. Horrocks to be delivered to her upon request. I'm glad to be rid of it. The funeral service was on Wednesday afternoon, and of course, there was a big crowd even in August for Bess Huddleston's last party. Cordially invited to meet death. I decided to go. Call it a hunch. Not that I saw anything criminal, only something incredible. There it was at the foot of the casket. Eight black orchids that could have come from nowhere else in the world. And a card with his initials, the way he scribbled them. NW Inspector Kramer. This is a surprise. What can I do for. Well, you can tell me what you were doing for Bess Huddleston. You the Homicide Bureau? Why do you want to know? Because the guy is making himself a pest down at headquarters. Her brother. He says she was murdered. Murdered? Yes. Offering what evidence? None at all. Well, then why bother me about it? Or yourself either? Because we can't shut him up. He has an argument. Oh, yeah. I don't need to tell you about that cut on her toe since Gooden was there. Yes, I've heard about it. The brother, Daniel says she couldn't have got tetanus from that cut. He says it was a clean piece of glass that dropped into her slipper when that tray of glasses fell on the terrace. He saw it. Yeah, so did I. And the slipper was nearly new and clean, and she hadn't been walking around barefooted. Now, he claimed there couldn't possibly have been any tetanus germs in that cut. At least not enough to cause so violent an attack so soon. You had the slippers tested in the bandages, even the iodine in the house. No tetanus. So under the circumstance subsequent. No, no. The dressing Brady found on it when he was called up there Saturday was the one he had put on it originally. Wait. Well, listen, I know when that damn orangutan tickled her. No, we went into that, too. Highly unlikely. Now, even if it could have had enough germs on its paw, Dr. Brady cleaned the wound and applied iodine. But he didn't give her any toxins. No. And he regrets he didn't. But he doesn't blame himself, because no doctor alive would have done so. By Saturday, the poison had reached the nerve centers, and it was too late for antitoxin, though he tried it. I asked you again, Mr. Kramer. Why do you bother me with all this or yourself? Well, I'm satisfied it was an accident and I want to cross it off, but before I do, I'd like to know what was the job you were doing for her, no doubt. Oh, didn't any of those people tell you? No. None of them. No. Then how do you know she'd hired me? The brother told me, but he doesn't seem to know why. You say you're satisfied that the death was accidental. You've no evidence of a crime. That's right. Then I can't answer you, Ms. Huddleston, hired me for a confidential job. Her death does not release me. It merely deprives me of the job. My God, you can be honorable when you want to be. Let me ask you a question, a plain question. Do you think she was murdered? No. What the hell do you think? Nothing at all about that. I know nothing about it. I have no interest in it. The woman died, as all women do, may she rest in peace. And I lost the fee. Now, why didn't you ask me this if you knew what I know? If I told you all about the job she hired me for. Would you feel that her death required further investigation? Okay. I ask. The answer is no. Since you've discovered no single suspicious circumstance. Now, do you have some beer? No, I don't want any beer, damn it. And don't bother to see me out. You know, I think he's miffed. Well, you were a little patronizing. After all, he was just being thoroughly. Either he didn't have sense enough to learn everything that happened that afternoon. Or he missed his best chance to expose a crime, if there was one. It hasn't rained the past week, has it? No. Then he wasn't being thorough. That ruined my night for me. Instead of going to sleep in 30 seconds, it took me 30 minutes trying to figure out what the devil he meant. Next morning, I got stubborn. I sat at my desk and went over that party at Riverdale in my mind. Second by second as I reported it to Wolf. And I got it. Suddenly, there it was, as obvious as lipstick. And that's when Brother Daniel arrived. My sister was murdered. Mr. Huddleston. Mr. Kramer was here. He told me what you believe. And not just what I believe. Not anymore. It's what I can prove. Indeed. What have you? You see, this morning, everything fell into place for me. My brain seemed to be working again. You know, I've been such a shock, Mr. Huddleston. I am. Luckily, it hadn't rained. But what did you say? I said, luckily it hadn't rained. Go on. So I got a garden trowel. And I lifted up the piece of turf where the orangutan poured the iodine. I also took pieces from each side of it for comparison. That was sensible. But did you analyze them yourself? Certainly not. I took them to Fisher Laboratories and had them do it. Now, read this report. Not a trace of iodine. And millions of tetanus bacilli. Hundreds of millions. All concentrated in that one piece of turf. The other two pieces had no sign of tetanus. Mr. Huddleston, why did you bring this to me? Take it to the police? Because Inspector Kramer thinks I'm a nuisance. He doesn't listen to a word I say. I can't get any satisfaction from him. What the devil's going on? I won't be long now. I might have known. That's all right, Fritz. I'll take care of it. Mr. Crow. What do you want? Come along, Huddleston. You too, Wolf, Goodwin, you're all coming to the station with me. If you ever find time to glance over an interesting document. It's called the Constitution. Shut up, Archie. Mr. Kramer, what if the name of heaven is the matter with you? Not a thing. Not a damn thing. Listen, last night, sitting right at this desk, what did you say? What did you tell me? You said, in case you've forgotten, that you weren't interested in the death of Bess Huddleston. Weren't interested? Well, this afternoon somebody in my office got an idea we do that once in a while. I sent a man up there and young Huddleston showed him where the monkey poured some of that iodine, only to find the turf had already been taken by Daniel Huddleston, who told Janet Nichols he was on his way here. That was foolish of you, mister. This is the rawest one you've ever pulled, Wolf. Removing evidence, destroying evidence. Nonsense. And stop shouting. Mr. Hudelson came here of his own. I'll get it from him and from Goodman and from you. But separately, I'm taking you all down. Nonsense, Mr. CR. I am. You strut and bluster. Yes, but we're under no obligation, moral or legal. Tell it to the DA Time we've got you for tampering with evidence. How do I know what you're. I honestly think the murderer of Bess Huddleston might never have been caught if Inspector Kramer hadn't been so foolhardy as to take us all down to the station. I've never seen Wolf so furious. From the moment he set his large bulk inside the police car until Nathaniel Parker, our lawyer, got him released. Maybe two hours in all, not one word crossed Wolf's lips. But the scowl on his face would have scared Joe Lewis out of the ring. They kept me at the station longer, of course, because I had seen Bess cut herself and the chimp wore the iodine. I got home about 10:00. Have you eaten a gene? Sort of, sir. Kramer sent out for hamburg. It's about 7:00. Very greasy. Yeah. And Mr. Huddleston's been released, too? Yes, sir. I gather they let him go before they release me. Is. Is that amphogel you're taking? It is. I haven't had to take this stuff since that hideous experiment with eels in the spring. Oh, yeah. Mr. Kramer will pay for this. Oh, report? Nothing. Routine questions and a signed statement. Malevolent spite. He'll pay. I want you to go to Riverdale tomorrow before Kramer's men get there. Sure. What do I do? Tetanus bacilli and spores, more or less around everywhere. But of course, especially in the neighborhood of horses. The soil around the barnyard reeks of it. Now. Consult the stable man and learn. I doubt if there is one. I gather the horses are gone. Find him. Or speak to the butler, if he's there. I wish to know whether anyone has removed anything, any material from the vicinity of the stable. A small paper bag filled with the manure pile would have been ideal. The only container I could find was a candy box. Dr. Brady said that would do. The stable man helped him fill it. Where'd he take it? From the stall? No, sir. From the pile. He dug into the middle of the pile. Did he say why he wanted it? He did explain, sir. He said he wanted it for a test. One of his patients had died of tetanus. I forget her name. When was this? About a month ago. Perhaps a little more. I remember rather clearly. It seemed such an unusual thing to do. Who was with him that day? One of the girls? No. He was alone when he did that. I forget who he had been riding with. Who is that? There's nobody in but Ms. Nichols. She's in her room. Where? Last door on the right. Come on, Hoskins. Janet. Janet. Who is it? It's Archie Goodwin. What happened? Can I come in? No, I'm not dressed, sir. We heard a scream. Do you need any rescue? No, no, I'm. I'm all right now. What happened? It's nothing serious. I. I was having a bath and I cut my arm with a piece of glass. You what? I'm coming in. No, don't look, Hoskins. Here. Now put this towel around yourself. General. Protect civilization. Let me see that arm. It's not much, really. It's barely an inch long. Are you gonna faint? No, no, no, I'm all right. No, I never scream, really, I never do, but it just seems so. You know, cutting myself with glass so soon after Ms. Huddleston. Yeah. We'll just take it easy. I didn't scream when I cut myself. I'm not. I'm not quite that Silly, really, I'm not. But I. I screamed when I saw the piece of glass lodged in the bath brush, it seems. Let me see that. There's it. Gee. Have you got any idea how this could have gotten in the brush? No. Nothing's been broken in here. I'll take it. And let me have that iodine bottle. It's all right, really. I've already put some on. Yeah, I can see that. I'll take this iodine, too. Hoskins, I want you to bandage your arm as tightly as possible to stop the bleeding. Girlie, I do like you in that towel, but I think you better get dressed. I'm going to take you for a shot of antitoxin. Antitoxin? Just a precaution. There's nothing to worry about. I'll be making a phone call downstairs. Did you smell the iodine? I did. There's no odor at all. Whatever's in that bottle isn't iodine. Then get her away from there. Yes, sir. This is my intention at once. And Archie, please. She's naked now. I haven't got a white horse and she hasn't got that much hair. So as soon as she's dressed, we're off. I'll phone ahead to Dr. Vollmer to have the antitoxin ready. And also to the Fisher lab to prepare for a test of that iodine. Now go straight there after you leave, Dr. Balmer. Yes, sir. Stay there while they do the test and phone me as soon as they have the results. Okay. Here it is. What was in the bottle is a substance called argerol, which stains like iodine. And it's alive with tetanus bacilli. Ar. Of course. And I didn't tell you earlier because of all the rush, but Dr. Brady took a sample of that barnyard soil about a month ago. Satisfactory? Come home at once, archie, and bring Ms. Nichols with you. Ms. Tims, Dr. Brady and the two Mr. Huddlesons are on their way here now. At my urgent request, I'll delay proceedings until you arrive. Proceedings? What's going on? I am about to unmask a murderer. Please hurry. How long would this take? I'm due at my office at 1:00. I'm afraid you may be a little late at your office, Dr. Brady. I'm sorry. What kind of a performance is this? You send him the telephone. I said that to get you here. The situation is no longer as I represented it on the phone to any of you. I told you that it was definitely known that Ms. Huddleston had been murdered. Now we're a little further along. I know who murdered her. The hell you do. I do? That's one change in the situation. The other is that an attempt has been made to murder Ms. Nichols. There's no cause for alarm. The attempt was frustrated kind of an attempt. This will go more quickly and smoothly with no interruptions. I'll make it as brief as possible. I assure you I have no wish to prolong the unpleasantness, Especially since I find less than enjoyable the presence in this room of an extremely unattractive person. I shall call that person X. Now, as you all know, X began with an effort to injure Ms. Huddleston by sending anonymous letters. Nothing of the sort. We don't know that one of us sent those letters. And neither do you. Put it this way, Mr. Huddleston. I make statements. You suspect beliefs. In the end, there'll be a verdict, and you will concur or not. Now, X sent those letters. Then he im forced us to exclude women, at least temporarily, by the pronominal inadequacy of our language. Then he became dissatisfied with the results, or something happened. No matter which, in any case, X. X decided on something more concrete and conclusive. Murder. The technique was unquestionably suggested by the recent death of Ms. Horrocks by tetanus. A small amount of material procured at the stable, immersed in water, furnished the required emulsion. It was strained and mixed with argyl, a substance that stains like iodine but is odorless. The mixture was put in a bottle with an iodine label, and the bottle was substituted for the iodine bottle in the cabinet in Ms. Huddleston's bathroom. The bathroom? You mean, just in case? Yes, Ms. Timms, yes. But X was not one to wait indefinitely for some accidental disjunction in Ms. Huddleston's skin. He carried the preparations further by smashing her bottle of bath salts and leaving slivers of glass all over her bathroom. That did happen. She told us about it that day. Please. A beautifully simple method for murder. If she cut herself, there was the iodine bottle. If not, no harm done. Try again. Nuts. How can you possibly know those were the preparations? As we all know, the first attempt failed. But chance presented itself again that very afternoon on the terrace. A tray of glasses was upset, and the pieces flew everywhere. Ex conceived a brilliance improvisation on the spot. Helping to collect the broken glass, he deposited a sliver in Ms. Huddleston's slipper. And entering the house on an errand, as all of you did in connection with that minor catastrophe, he got the bogus bottle of iodine and placed it in the cupboard in the living room, removing the genuine bottle kept there. It would take only half a minute. And as you know, it worked. Ms. Huddleston stuck her foot in the slipper and cut her toe. Her brother brought the iodine, Dr. Brady applied it, and she got tetanus and died. I. By the way, Doctor, that suggests a question. Is it worthy of remark that you failed to notice the absence of the characteristic odor of iodine? I really asked. There was a breeze on the terrace. It would have been difficult to notice any odor. I'll accept that, Doctor. So X's improvisation was a success. From his standpoint, it was next to perfect. Might indeed have been perfect, invulnerable to any inquest if the chimpanzee hadn't poured some of that mixture on the grass. And if X hadn't been foolish enough to try again Yesterday, he put some of the bogus iodine in the cabinet in Ms. Nichols bathroom and wedged a piece of glass in her bath brush. I just can't believe it. And this morning, Ms. Nichols got in the tub, cut her arm, took the bottle from the cabinet and applied the iodine. Good God. Then she must get some medicine. Calm yourself, Doctor. Calm yourself. Antitoxin has been administered. By who? By a qualified person. Please be seated. Thank you. Ms. Nichols does not need your professional services, but I'd like to use your professional knowledge. Archie, have you got that brush? Yes, sir. Here it is. Now, you use a bath brush, don't you? Show us how you manipulate it on your arms. Well, up and down, like this. That'll do, thank you. No doubt. All of you, if you use bath brushes, wield them in a similar manner. Not with a circular motion or around the arm, but lengthwise up and down. So the cut on Ms. Nichols arm, as Mr. Goodwin described it to me, runs lengthwise about halfway between the wrist and the elbow. Is that correct, Ms. Nichols? Yes. And it's about an inch long, a little less. Yes. Thank you. Now, for you, Doctor, your professional knowledge to establish a premise invulnerable to assault. Why did Ms. Nichols carve a gash nearly an inch long on her arm? Why didn't she jerk the brush away the moment she felt her skin being ruptured? For the obvious reason that she didn't feel it. Didn't feel it? Certainly not. I don't know what premise you're trying to establish, but with the bristles rubbing her skin, there would be no feeling of the sharp glass cutting her? None whatever. She wouldn't know she'd been cut until she saw the blood. You're sure of that? You'd testify to it? I would, Positively. And any other doctor would? Certainly. Then we'd have to take it that way. Now, Ms. Nichols, you have no idea who tried to kill you this morning? No. No, I haven't. None. You, Mr. Huddleston? I don't know a damn thing. You don't, Dr. Brady? Oh, certainly not. But you said you know who murdered Ms. Huddleston. I prefer to do it this way. Doctor. Have you anything to tell me? No. Nothing with any bearing on any aspect of this business, no. What about the box of stable refuse you procured for the purpose of extracting tetanus germs from it? Oh. Oh, I admit I should have told you that. Well, is that all you have to say about it? Why didn't you tell the police when they first started to investigate? Because I thought there was nothing. I continued to think so until this morning when you phoned me. It would have served no useful purpose. What did you do with this stuff? I took it to the office and did some experiments with the help of two of my colleagues. We were settling an argument. Then we destroyed it. All of it. Did any of these people here know about it? I don't know. Oh, yes, I remember. I discussed it. Telling them how dangerous any small cut might be. Not me. If I'd known you did that. Oh, all but one of you know of Dr. Brady's procuring that box of material from the stable. And all withheld the information from me. You're hopeless. Let's try something more specific. The day Ms. Huddleston came here, she told me that Ms. Nichols had a grievance against her. And she suspected her of sending those anonymous letters. Now, I ask all of you, including you, Ms. Nichols, what was that grievance? No one. All right. I ask you individually, Ms. Nichols. Nothing. It was nothing. Mr. Daniel Huddleston? I have no idea, Ms. Timbs. I don't know. You hesitate. I don't know, Dr. Brady. If I knew, I would tell you. Mr. Larry Huddleston, I told you before that I don't know a damn thing that goes right down the line. Indeed. May I have your watch a moment, please? What? That hexagonal thing on your wrist. May I see the moment? What do you want with my watch? I want to look at it. It's a small favor. You haven't been very helpful so far. Okay. Here. What can it do Me? Thank you. Now, the Huddleston folder, Archie. Yes, sir. You are a very silly young man, Mr. Huddleston. Incredibly callow. Thank you, Archie. Here is A picture of Ms. Nichols. Trimmed to six sides, apparently to fit the back of this watch. This point could be definitely determined by opening the watch case. But I'm not going to do it. Because it will be opened later. And microscopically, completely with the picture. To prove that it did contain it. You give me that stoppy, Martine. All right. Sit down, bud. I suggest that it's time for you to help us a little, Mr. Huddleston. When did your aunt take that picture from you, you fat baffle? I'll try once more, sir. You are going to answer these questions. If not for me, then for someone less fat, but more importunate. Would you rather have it dug out of your servants and your friends and acquaintances? It's shabby enough as it is. Now, when did your aunt take that picture from you? I give. It's none of your damn business. Call Inspector Kramer. Damn you. You know damn well when she took it. She took it the day she came down here. That's better. But it wasn't the first time she objected to your relations with Mrs. Nichols, was it? No. Did she object on moral grounds? Hell, no. She objected to our getting married. My aunt was very possessive. She ordered me to break off the engagement. It was secret. But she got suspicious and questioned Janet. And Janet told her. And she made me call it off. And naturally, you were enraged. You burned for revenge. I did not. You can come off that right now. You're not gonna pin anything on me. I never really wanted to marry Janet. And what's more, I never intended to. I could prove that by a friend of mine. A man like you has friends. But after your aunt made you break the engagement, you still kept the picture in your watch? Yes, I had to. I mean, I had Janet to deal with, too. And it wasn't easy living right there in the house. I was afraid of Janet. You don't know her. I opened the watch case purposely in front of my aunt. So she'd take that damn picture. Janice seemed to think that the picture meant something. And I thought when she knew it was gone. Did you know that Ms. Nichols sent the anonymous letters? No, I didn't. Maybe I suspected, but I didn't know. Did you also suspect when you're ran. Stop it. A little too much for you, is it? Ms. Nichols? Stop it. As I expected, you're all rubble inside. There's nothing left of you. Well, the simplest way is for me to dictate a confession. And you sign it. And I'll send a copy of it to a man I know, the editor of the Gazette. And it'll be on his front page this evening. He'd like it. Exclusive picture of you to go with it. And Mr. Goodwin will be glad to take it. I know you'll like that. Stop it. For your satisfaction, I ought to tell you that your guilt was by no means obvious. I became aware of it only when Mr. Goodwin telephoned me from Riverdale this morning. Your performance today was the act of a nitwit. I presume you were struck with consternation yesterday when you saw that piece of turf being removed and realized what the consequences would be. So you attempted to divert suspicion by staging an attack on yourself. No, that's not true. Did you know what I was getting at A while ago when I asked Dr. Brady why you didn't jerk the brush away the instant you felt the glass puncture your skin? And he replied, as of course he would, that you didn't feel the glass cutting you. That was precisely the point. You see, the cut should have been much longer. You jerked the brush away when you pulled it along your arm less than an inch because you knew this piece of glass was there and was cutting you. You put it there yourself. Give me that. Archie, stop her. Keep away from me. I'll show you. I'll show you. I've got her. Gotta go. Hold this handkerchief against. By God, if it leaves a scar. That was a lie. You lied. What? She means that you lied when you said you neither desired nor intended to marry her. I agree with her that the air in here was already bad enough without that. You fed her passion and her hope. She wanted you. God knows why. When your aunt intervened, she wrote those letters. Revenge? Yes. Or the way of saying, dear Aunt, let me have him or I'll ruin you. She wouldn't let him go. She wouldn't let me have him. And when did you decide that you had to kill her? She took my picture out of his watch. And I found it here on Mr. Goodwin's desk. She had no right. I had to stop her. I had to. Your notebook, Archie. Starring in today's episode were Maver Moore as Nero Wolf and Don Franks as Archie Goodwin. Barbara Hamilton was Bess Huddleston, Harry Tweed, Janet Nichols, Lynn Daragon, Mariella Timms, Ken James, Daniel Huddleston, Tom Harvey, Dr. Brady, Alan Fawcett, Larry Huddleston. Cease Linder was Inspector Kramer and Frank Perry was Fritz. Music was composed and conducted by Don Gillis. Technical operations by John Jessup. Sound effects Bill Robinson. Production assistant was Nancy McElveen and casting consultant Roseanne Weldon. Tate, cordially invited to meet Death was written and produced in Toronto by Ron Hartman next week. You know, I wasn't surprised about the suicide. Not really. I wasn't surprised either at the way he did it. He was always keyed up and dramatic about everything. So you'd expect him to do something startling about killing himself. Well, just what did he do? He took all his clothes off and jumped into a geyser in Yellowstone Park. Archie goes to a fashion show. Nope. I can't do it. You can't do what? Make a choice. The only way I can see to handle it is to send in an order for one of each. I'd have to marry all six. Imagine it. After the weddings, I will of course have to take a good sized apartment between 5th and Madison in the fashionable 60s. On a pleasant autumn evening, I'll be sitting in the living room reading the newspaper. I'll toss the paper aside and clap my hands and in will come Isabel. She will have on a calf exposing kitchen apron with a double hemline and will be carrying a tray of ham sandwiches and a pitcher of milk. She will say seductively 293 make interesting motions and gestures without spilling a drop. Then she'll go. And in will come Francine. She will be wearing slim silhouette pajamas with padded shoulders and a back flaring hip line. She'll walk and wave and whirl and say 9:31, light me up a cigarette and dance out. Enter Delia. She'll be dressed in a high style bra of handmade lace with a billowing sweep right up to enter another naked, carrying a basket full of bills and your checkbook. The latest fashion was murder. It's quite a long list, isn't it? Mrs. Domery killed in a ring accident. Mr. Neither propelled into a geyser and boiled. Mr. Domery hurdled into an ocean and drowned. It's not my affair. Thank heaven. Was Wolf's client the murderer? Ms. Ne. Yes? Did you kill that man? Did. Did I. Did I kill my. My. Archie? She'll be all right. I think she. Just stop her. How do you stop her? I could slap her or kiss her. I. I think I'll try kissing her. Next week, Man Alive with guest stars Lynn Griffin, Neil Monroe, Sandy Webster and August Schellenberg.