Nero Wolfe 82-01-23 Before I Die

Summary

Podcast Summary: Nero Wolfe 82-01-23 Before I Die

Podcast Information:

• Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Episode: Nero Wolfe 82-01-23 Before I Die
• Release Date: March 15, 2025

---

Introduction

In the episode titled "Before I Die," listeners are transported back to the Golden Age of Radio, immersing themselves in the intricate world of Nero Wolfe, the reclusive and brilliant detective. The story unfolds in Wolfe's office, where tensions simmer amidst a post-war meat shortage, setting the stage for a complex web of blackmail, deceit, and murder.

---

Initial Conflict: Blackmail from Daisy Parrot

The episode kicks off with Archie Goodwin, Wolfe's astute assistant, dealing with a pressing issue. A character named Daisy Parrot, renowned as the "king of the black market," arrives seeking Wolfe's expertise.

• Daisy Parrot's Demand: Daisy confronts Archie, revealing she is being blackmailed by someone claiming to be her daughter. She demands Wolfe's intervention to stop the blackmailer.

  Daisy Parrot (02:55): "I want to see Wolf."

• Wolfe's Reluctance: Initially, Wolfe is hesitant to get involved, emphasizing the dangers of intertwining detective work with Daisy's illicit activities.

  Nero Wolf (04:11): "But like everyone else, I have my smudges. Where is some meat?"

• Escalation of Threats: Daisy explains the gravity of her situation, detailing how her blackmailer, under the guise of being her daughter, has been extorting money from her.

  Daisy Parrot (07:33): "That someone will find my daughter and tell her the truth. It's ruined my life having a daughter where she's concerned."

---

Introduction of Harold Stevens and Morton Shane

The narrative takes an unexpected turn with the introduction of Harold Stevens and his fiancée, Morton Shane. They arrive seeking Wolfe's assistance, intertwining their fate with Daisy's predicament.

• Betrothal Dinner: Archie orchestrates a betrothal dinner between Harold, Morton, and Wolfe to gain Wolfe's attention and secure his help.

  Archie Goodwin (13:23): "Morton, let's go have dinner with Mr. Wolf."

• Wolfe's Behavior: During the dinner, Wolfe reveals his disinterest in legal matters, cleverly diverting the conversation away from business topics.

  Nero Wolf (14:11): "For God's sake, Morton, I hope you're prepared to face the fact that very few people like lawyers."

---

Unraveling the Blackmail Scheme

As the plot thickens, Daisy Parrot's true intentions and the complexities of her blackmail scheme come to light.

• Violet Parrot's Revelation: Daisy discloses that the daughter she mentioned is actually Angelina Murphy, not her real daughter, and reveals her elaborate scheme to protect her true daughter's identity.

  Daisy Parrot (09:44): "My daughter is Violet Parrot. Her real name is Angelina Murphy."

• Confrontation and Violence: The tension culminates in a violent encounter where Archie is shot, leading to a frantic pursuit and the uncovering of multiple murders orchestrated by Wolfe to protect his interests.

  Archie Goodwin (22:51): "I'm shot. Oh, my God, I'm shot."

---

Climactic Resolution

The episode reaches its climax as Nero Wolfe skillfully navigates through deception and confronts the culprits behind the murders.

• Wolfe's Strategy: Wolfe gathers all parties involved, including the deceptive Morton Shane and the corrupted Daisy Parrot, revealing the intricate connections and motivations behind their actions.

  Nero Wolf (44:00): "Mr. Perrott's real daughter is at this moment in this house."

• Final Confrontation: Through sharp deductive reasoning and tactical maneuvering, Wolfe exposes the truth, ensuring justice is served while maintaining his enigmatic persona.

  Nero Wolf (48:51): "You're merely his loving and obedient daughter. But it would be nice to have an allowance of, say, 300 a week."

---

Conclusion

"Before I Die" is a masterful installment in the Nero Wolfe series, showcasing the detective's unparalleled intellect and unyielding determination. The episode intricately weaves themes of identity, loyalty, and the consequences of deceit, leaving listeners enthralled until the very end.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Nero Wolf (00:43): "What time is it? Our team."

• Daisy Parrot (05:27): "Being blackmailed by my daughter."

• Archie Goodwin (08:44): "Uh huh huh."

• Nero Wolf (14:37): "I do nothing without Mr. Goodwin."

• Archie Goodwin (16:13): "Well, why didn't you handle her? Or have her handled her?"

• Daisy Parrot (37:05): "What if I wasn't there?"

• Nero Wolf (43:57): "You lead all of this, you fat, lying son of a bitch. I'm going."

• Archie Goodwin (48:31): "The DA's decided not to charge Meeker or Fabian because a man has a right to defend himself."

---

This detailed summary encapsulates the key events, character dynamics, and pivotal moments of the "Before I Die" episode, providing a comprehensive overview for both regular listeners and newcomers to the series.

Transcript

[Archie Goodwin]

Airport stress.

[Harold Stevens]

Step into relaxation with the Platinum card and get that Wait, am I famous?

[Archie Goodwin]

Treatment. Enjoy complimentary access to over 1400 airport.

[Harold Stevens]

Lounges with the American Express Global Lounge collection and the Platinum card. Learn [e-mail] Explore Platinum Terms apply.

[Daisy Parrot]

Rex.

[Archie Goodwin]

Stouts Nero Wolf Before I Die A full cast dramatization that Monday afternoon in October, life in the office of Nero Wolf, where I work was getting to be more than I could stand.

[Nero Wolf]

What time is it? Our team.

[Archie Goodwin]

When you asked me five minutes ago, it was 3:25. It is now 3:30. And when you ask five minutes from now, it will be 3:35. But I won't be here to answer because I am going out for a walk.

[Nero Wolf]

A simple answer would have done. Indeed, it would have been all that was expected.

[Archie Goodwin]

Oh boy. My walk will last for half an hour. By which time you will be upstairs with your orchids, which will give me a two hour break from seeing you in this pitiful state. I wasn't blaming him. I was merely fed up with him. You see, it was smack in the middle of the great meat shortage after the war. And to my 270 pound boss, a meal without meat was an insult. He'd got so desperate that he started taking long walks, as for instance, back and forth between his chair and the bookshelves. Anyway, I got my coat on and was just reaching for the front door. Your name's Archie Goodwin. Thanks. How much do I weigh? Come on out. Guy here in a car wants to see you. The black Cadillac?

[Daisy Parrot]

Yeah.

[Archie Goodwin]

Hold it for a minute.

[Nero Wolf]

Who's at the door?

[Archie Goodwin]

A man with an embalmed face.

[Nero Wolf]

What's this you're taking? A gun?

[Archie Goodwin]

I was asked to step down to the curb and see a man in a car. I recognize the man since he is one of our most famous citizens. D'Assizio Parito, also known as Daisy Parrot.

[Nero Wolf]

That. That.

[Archie Goodwin]

His latest title is the king of the black market.

[Nero Wolf]

Look, when he phoned this morning, I told you I wouldn't see him.

[Archie Goodwin]

Yeah, and I told him. I guess Daisy Parrot doesn't take no for an answer.

[Daisy Parrot]

You're Archie Goodwin?

[Archie Goodwin]

And you're Daisy Parrot. What do you want? Hey, boss, he's got his hand on.

[Daisy Parrot]

A gun in his pocket and he's a damn fool to let you stand behind him.

[Archie Goodwin]

Mr. Wolf knows you're here. Now what do you want?

[Daisy Parrot]

I want to see Wolf.

[Archie Goodwin]

Nope. No, sir. I told you on the phone this morning that Mr. Wolf is too busy to see you. He's got more work than he can.

[Daisy Parrot]

Handle now, I intend to see him. Bring him out here.

[Archie Goodwin]

Now look, don't think I'm laughing you off. People who laugh you off are have to show up at a funeral playing the lead. Okay, but whatever you have in mind, Mr. Wolf wants no part of it. Now that may make you sore, which I'd like to avoid if possible.

[Nero Wolf]

Archie.

[Archie Goodwin]

My God, archie.

[Nero Wolf]

What does Mr. Parrot want?

[Archie Goodwin]

Nothing, he just stopped by.

[Nero Wolf]

He wants to see you. Then confounded Archie, Bring him in here.

[Archie Goodwin]

What?

[Nero Wolf]

Bring him in. Be seated, Mr. Parrot.

[Daisy Parrot]

I don't like it in here. I've got something private for you. Come out and sit in my car.

[Nero Wolf]

Oh, I rarely leave my house. I do like it here. I'd be an idiot to leave this chair made to fit me.

[Daisy Parrot]

Okay, good one. You go out and sit in my.

[Nero Wolf]

No, sir, I do nothing without Mr. Goodwin.

[Daisy Parrot]

You might make exceptions. This might be a good exception to start with.

[Nero Wolf]

No, sir. Please sit down. Even if you decide against entrusting secrets to Mr. Goodwin and me, there's a little matter I'd like to discuss with you.

[Daisy Parrot]

What do you want to discuss?

[Nero Wolf]

Well, in my own field I am an expert. I sell expert information, advice and services. I understand that you are also an expert in a different field. Presumably you know where certain things are and how they may be got. I am on the whole a respectable and virtuous citizen. But like everyone else, I have my smudges. Where is some meat?

[Daisy Parrot]

You want a slice of the meat racket?

[Nero Wolf]

No, I want slices of beef and pork. I want some meat to eat. Lamb, veal.

[Daisy Parrot]

You're just hungry.

[Nero Wolf]

Yes, I am.

[Daisy Parrot]

Good one. Ring Lincoln 63232 between 7 and 10 in the morning and ask for Tom. Use my name.

[Nero Wolf]

Ah, thank you, sir. Now for your business. Mr. Goodwin told you on the phone this morning that I was too busy to see you. Of course, that was flummery. What was in his mind was that while the occupational hazards are relatively high in the detective business, in your business they're substantially higher and the combination of the two would be inadvisable. I must admit regretfully that I agree with him. It would be foolish for you to entrust me with secrets only to be told that I can't undertake a job for you. So I tell you in advance, I'm.

[Daisy Parrot]

Sorry, I need help.

[Nero Wolf]

Doubtless or you wouldn't have taken.

[Daisy Parrot]

I don't often need help, but when I do, I get the best there is and I pay for what I get there. 50 Cs, 5 grand. That will do for a start. I'm being blackmailed. And your job is to stop her.

[Nero Wolf]

But I've told you, Mr. Parry, I'm.

[Daisy Parrot]

Being blackmailed by my daughter.

[Archie Goodwin]

Hold it.

[Daisy Parrot]

Nobody in this world knows about that except me. And now.

[Archie Goodwin]

I said hold it. Now, I want to warn you that Mr. Wolf is every bit as stubborn as you are. This is damn dangerous for all concerned. Now he's told you. He doesn't want to hear it, and neither do I. Mr. Wolf, what's wrong with egg salad sandwiches?

[Daisy Parrot]

But she's not really my daughter. The one who's blackmailing me. Now you know that too. I have got a daughter. A real one. She'll be 21 next month. Where you going?

[Nero Wolf]

Oh, you'll have to excuse me, Mr. Parrott.

[Daisy Parrot]

You walking out on me?

[Nero Wolf]

I always spend from 4 to 6 upstairs with my plans. Always. If you insist on confiding your troubles to me, tell Mr. Goodwin about it. I'll phone you later.

[Daisy Parrot]

You know something, Dusa? Pazzo, huh? You're crazy. Both of you. What's that gun in your hand for? Crazy as bedbugs.

[Archie Goodwin]

Okay, tell me about it.

[Daisy Parrot]

When my kid was just a baby, I got sent up the river for a long spell. And while I was there, her mother died. It took me nearly five years before I found the kid, never mind how. And by then, I decided it wasn't safe for her to know who her father was or for anyone to know I had a kid. So I found a way to send money to her, keep her in schools and all. And I got reports on her every three months and everything was okay. It was working just fine till Thumbs Meeker bitched it up.

[Archie Goodwin]

Thumbs Meeker?

[Daisy Parrot]

You heard of him?

[Archie Goodwin]

I've heard of him. And now he got his name.

[Daisy Parrot]

Thumbs sent a punk to tell me that if there was any little favor he could do for my daughter, just let him know, Cavis.

[Archie Goodwin]

It was his way of saying he'd found out and he could put the screws on you.

[Daisy Parrot]

Yeah, but he hadn't. I mean, he found out I had a daughter, but he hadn't found her yet. So I had to stop. There's only one thing in the world I'm afraid of, Goodwin.

[Archie Goodwin]

Huh?

[Daisy Parrot]

That someone will find my daughter and tell her the truth. It's ruined my life having a daughter where she's concerned. I can't think straight and I can't act straight. I mean, look at my coming here and spelling this. Worse yet, look what I did a year ago, April. I rented a penthouse and I brought a girl there to act as my daughter. I knew it was dumb, but my brains wouldn't work. And I did it. Why the draw? Thumbs Meeker off. If he thought that was my daughter living in the penthouse with me, naturally he wouldn't look for her in other places, especially in colleges. I thought it would keep my secret sewed up. Everything seemed fine for a few months then. Then the little bitch put the pliers on me.

[Archie Goodwin]

The phony daughter started blackmailing you?

[Daisy Parrot]

Yeah. First in small amounts, then every month it got bigger. So far she's into me for 25 grand.

[Archie Goodwin]

I don't get it.

[Daisy Parrot]

What?

[Archie Goodwin]

How do I put this? Most people would wonder with your reputation, why she hasn't had an accident like getting in the way of flying pieces of metal or something.

[Daisy Parrot]

Ah, that's all. Exaggerated rumors start and everyone believes them.

[Archie Goodwin]

Uh huh huh.

[Harold Stevens]

Your next unforgettable experience can happen anytime.

[Archie Goodwin]

Take an AMEX card with you for.

[Harold Stevens]

Rewards wherever you go. Morning coffee run with an old friend.

[Archie Goodwin]

Earn cash back, weekend getaway, Earn miles.

[Harold Stevens]

AMEX rewards your inner explorer.

[Archie Goodwin]

Learn [e-mail] terms apply. Well, why didn't you handle her? Or. Or have her handled her?

[Daisy Parrot]

My daughter. My own daughter.

[Archie Goodwin]

She isn't.

[Daisy Parrot]

As far as everyone knows, she is. I would have to do it myself. And even then would have to be very risky. She's got it all figured out. What if she disappears? High with Thumbs Meeker dope. I'd be right back where I started. They'd be looking for trailers again. Ah, I've looked at it from all angles and it's no go.

[Archie Goodwin]

Then you're stuck with an expensive daughter.

[Daisy Parrot]

Like hell I am. Last night she hit me for 50 grand. That settles it. I've got to have help. I picked on Nero Wolf, but from what I know of him, he's got brains. And mine won't work on this. That five grand is just for a start. Uh, I'll pay what it's worth. And it's worth plenty.

[Archie Goodwin]

Look, he won't touch it.

[Daisy Parrot]

Her name is. My daughter is Violet Parrot. Her real name is Angelina Murphy. She was on the jump in Salt Lake from a rolling and cleaning charge. I went out there and got her myself. You see, I dove that that I'd have her sewed up because the salt Lake fuzz would like to have her back if she got tricky. But it didn't take her long to realize that I couldn't unload her. Okay. You'll have to deal with her. Is it true Wolf never leaves the house?

[Archie Goodwin]

Absolutely true.

[Daisy Parrot]

So you see, Violet Will be here at 9:00 tonight.

[Archie Goodwin]

Mr. Wolf will have to call you.

[Daisy Parrot]

Now after he's seen Violet. There's another job he'll have to do with my real daughter. He'll have to be very careful.

[Archie Goodwin]

Look, that can wait until her name.

[Daisy Parrot]

Bueller. Beulah Page. I'll write her address down for you.

[Archie Goodwin]

Look, Mr. Parrot, there's no Ernie Goodwin.

[Daisy Parrot]

Yeah, I know I can trust you. I'll be in touch.

[Archie Goodwin]

Ciao. Ciao.

[Nero Wolf]

Why are you disturbing me? Archie, I'll be down at 6:00.

[Archie Goodwin]

This is urgent. A question for you to mull. Well, what color do you like in shrouds?

[Nero Wolf]

Beulah Page. This address is near Columbia University. Less than half an hour away. Yes, sir. Get her now if possible. But Parrot said we don't even know there is a daughter. All we have is what Parrot told us.

[Archie Goodwin]

A Ms. Bueller page is registered at the university. Medical and social services studies. Honor student. I checked.

[Nero Wolf]

I want to see her. There very least, I want you to see her.

[Archie Goodwin]

You going to introduce me to her, Foy?

[Nero Wolf]

She's 20 years old. Flummox her. Hello.

[Harold Stevens]

Hello. Hello.

[Nero Wolf]

Hi there.

[Archie Goodwin]

I'm looking for Ms. Beulah Page.

[Harold Stevens]

Well, you found her. Are you a preacher?

[Archie Goodwin]

Well, no, I'm not exactly. My, My name is Stevens. Harold Stevens from Dayton, Ohio. May I have a moment?

[Harold Stevens]

Sure. Only it's too bad you're not a preacher.

[Archie Goodwin]

It certainly is, if you want one. What I want to ask, I would like very much to have a talk with you this evening because, well, I'll only be in the city a short while and I want to tell you about the Dayton Community Health Center.

[Harold Stevens]

How did you know I was interested in health work?

[Archie Goodwin]

Oh, Ms. Page, we keep our ears to the ground at all universities. Your outstanding record is known to us. And of course we've read your thesis.

[Harold Stevens]

You've read my thesis?

[Archie Goodwin]

Indeed we have. It's outstanding. Which is why I would like to have a talk with you.

[Harold Stevens]

Well, that's very exciting, but I. Oh, come in, please.

[Archie Goodwin]

Thank you.

[Harold Stevens]

This is Mr. Shane. Morton Shane. Mr. Stevens, is it?

[Archie Goodwin]

Harold Stevens. How do you do?

[Harold Stevens]

Oh, well, I've got to tell him, Mort. The reason I asked you if you were a preacher. Oh, yes, because we're gonna be married. We just decided to just before you knocked on the door. So you see, you're the first to know.

[Archie Goodwin]

Congratulations.

[Nero Wolf]

You're tiddly.

[Harold Stevens]

Oh, no, I'm not. I'm happy. And if I'm a little tiddly, it's your fault.

[Nero Wolf]

Wait a minute. Who made the cocktail?

[Harold Stevens]

Hasn't a girl got a right to make cocktails when she's engaged? Mr. Stevens. Oh, wait. There's a little left. You are good luck. You have to have one with us.

[Archie Goodwin]

Well, wait a minute. Wait. I've got a better idea. Now, I ought to be ashamed of myself for busting in on your celebration, especially right at dinner time. Why not let me help you go on celebrating? How about a betrothal dinner? Well, I don't know.

[Harold Stevens]

Oh, that sounds just great, Martin. It's fate.

[Archie Goodwin]

Look, I'm staying with a friend in town who happens to be a very famous man. And he's also very hospitable. I'll call him up right now and tell him we're coming. All right.

[Nero Wolf]

After all, what's he utter strained up?

[Harold Stevens]

Who is he?

[Archie Goodwin]

Come on. He's Nero Wolf, the detective. I've known him for years.

[Harold Stevens]

Oh, Martin, let's go have dinner with Mr. Wolf. Oh, please. You can't refuse my first request as your bride to be. Well, let's make him go, Mr. Stevens. He has a strong sense of propriety because he's in his last year at law school. He thinks lawyers are the guardians of everything from social conventions to moral righteousness.

[Nero Wolf]

Not righteousness.

[Harold Stevens]

Right there, there. He accepts. Let's go.

[Archie Goodwin]

To my surprise, Wolf helped out over dinner by hopping all over the place. Conversationally, that is. It saved me from having to talk about the Dayton Health Center. He asked Beulah about his courses. He talked about cases he had handled, which fascinated Shane, which in turn fascinated Wolf. He adores adulation. Even ended up calling him Morton.

[Nero Wolf]

For God's sake, Morton, I hope you're prepared to face the fact that very few people like lawyers. I don't, as a general rule. You know, they're inveterate. Hedges, they're insufferable. Word stretching. I had a lawyer draw up a tort for me once. Just a simple conveyance, and he made it 11 pages. Two would have done it. Have they taught you to drive tarts? Oh, naturally, sir.

[Daisy Parrot]

That's in the course. Yeah, I try not to put in more words than are necessary.

[Nero Wolf]

Well, for heaven's sake, keep it brief. A little more wine? Thank you. There's a crack in your wine glass. Fritz, replace Mr. Shane's glass, please.

[Daisy Parrot]

Yeah.

[Nero Wolf]

Well, Ms. Page, let me give you another helping of zucchini.

[Archie Goodwin]

It was like that right through dinner, almost more than I could stand. And after dinner, Wolf and Beulah sang songs. Well, at least Beulah sang. She was in very high spirits. And Wolf was moving a finger to keep time and evidently trying to hum. For him, that was drunken revelry. I'm sure his mood could only have been brought on by a girl whose father could get him a pork job. I had to remind Wolf of our appointment, or he would have ended up with both daughters in the house at the same time. I finally got the two celebrants into the car and was driving them home.

[Daisy Parrot]

You know, you're a swell guy, Stevens.

[Archie Goodwin]

That was a swell idea you had. Now I've got one.

[Nero Wolf]

What do you think of this?

[Daisy Parrot]

You drive us to Maryland, and we'll get married.

[Harold Stevens]

Now. Now who's.

[Daisy Parrot]

That's a good idea, isn't it?

[Harold Stevens]

It stinks.

[Archie Goodwin]

Why?

[Harold Stevens]

Look, I may not have any father or mother or even aunts or uncles, but I don't have to sneak off to Maryland in the dead of night to get a husband. I'm gonna have flowers and white things and sunshine if I get a break. Anyway, what about that test tomorrow? You said it was important.

[Daisy Parrot]

Well, it is.

[Harold Stevens]

Home, Stevens. Him first, because he has to study, and then you can come up to my apartment and tell me about your health center. You haven't said a word about it all evening.

[Archie Goodwin]

Well? Well, I didn't want to spoil the celebration. Brides to be should not discuss business on their betrothal night. I'll phone you tomorrow. Okay.

[Nero Wolf]

Sit down, Ms. Murphy. I like eyes at my level.

[Violet Parrot]

The name is Parrot. Violet Parrot.

[Nero Wolf]

No, Ms. Murphy, it won't do. Mr. Parrot told me who you are. I do not intend to prolong this. He hired me to make you stop blackmailing him.

[Violet Parrot]

Aha. My father told you Mr. Parrot sat there, Daisy Parrot, telling anyone I'm not his daughter. Now, you think I believe that?

[Nero Wolf]

I think you find it difficult to believe, Ms. Murphy, because you've misjudged his character. Ha. You haven't stopped to consider that his strongest feeling, stronger even than his feeling for his daughter, is his vanity. He cannot stand the. Have you diddle him?

[Violet Parrot]

And how are you going to stop me?

[Nero Wolf]

I don't intend to stop you.

[Violet Parrot]

Then what am I doing?

[Nero Wolf]

Mr. Parrott made the same mistake you did. He misjudged a man's character. Mine. You have demanded $50,000 from him. Collect it. I don't get you, within 24 hours after you receive it, you will pay me 45,000. You may keep 10%.

[Archie Goodwin]

What? What makes you.

[Nero Wolf]

If you don't pay me, the Salt Lake police will come and get you.

[Violet Parrot]

But you goddamn fool, you can't do that to Daisy. He doesn't have to let you alone like he does me, you know. All I have to do is tell him.

[Nero Wolf]

Naturally, I prepared for that. He won't believe you.

[Violet Parrot]

I get it. I give it to you and you hand it to him and he gets off cheap. Well, now, wouldn't that be sweet? And Daisy thought I'd fall for that.

[Nero Wolf]

I assure you, Ms. Murphy, Mr. Parrot knows nothing of this. This is my own idea, and I intend to profit from it. So would you. You can keep 10,000 out of every hundred thousand we get.

[Violet Parrot]

Oh, look. Come on. I've got more brains than that and more guts than you give me credit for, too. You think it doesn't take guts to stand up to Daisy Parrot? Wait, I'll show you. I'm wearing sleeves tonight. Here's why.

[Nero Wolf]

He did that to you.

[Violet Parrot]

That's not all. There's other places, but you'd have to pay to see them. And I took it. I told him. Listen, I said, you can hurt me all you want, but don't think I'll just go, baby. And if you hurt me too much, well, I'm not dumb. I've taken certain precautions.

[Nero Wolf]

What precautions?

[Violet Parrot]

Just never you mind. But I've got Daisy Parrot, all right. And I'm the only one that ever did that and lived to tell it. And now he thinks he can get most of it back with his lousy runaround.

[Nero Wolf]

Well, you'll have to think this through. The point is that Even if you're 99% convinced that Mr. Perrott arranged for me to take this line, dare you risk that 1%? What if I am acting on my own hook? You'll never know what minute or where you'll feel that hand on your shoulder.

[Violet Parrot]

Suppose I wasn't there?

[Nero Wolf]

Oh, you're not thinking straight. If you disappear, Mr. Perrott might possibly decide not to find you for obvious reasons. I wouldn't. I would find you. I am fully as vain as Mr. Perrott and every bit as ruthless, and I will not be diddled. This interview is over. I'm sure you'll give it your best thought.

[Violet Parrot]

My God, is he fat.

[Archie Goodwin]

You know, I admire you. Mm. You really stood up to him. Luckily, you don't have to decide now. You got time to sleep on it, which is a good idea. Shall I take you home, tuck you in?

[Violet Parrot]

Hey, you don't look like a grister. You look healthy and handsome Inside.

[Archie Goodwin]

I'm clean but mean. I didn't offer to drive you home because I noticed You've got your own car. But I can go along just for the air.

[Violet Parrot]

Air? Oh, boy, dumpling, do I need air.

[Archie Goodwin]

Well, share it. 90 for you and 10 for me. You know, Angelina, you're sunk.

[Violet Parrot]

You can cut out the Angelina. Just call me angel food.

[Archie Goodwin]

I don't like angel food. I'll. I'll call you Maple Delight. No, but you're absolutely sunk if you try to bullet through. I speak frankly because I. I admire you in more ways than one.

[Violet Parrot]

Oh, dumpling.

[Archie Goodwin]

And also because I enjoy life and I don't care to leave it. At this point, if you go on putting the bee on Parrot and don't give Wolf his nine tenths, Parrot will find out sooner or later that then not only will Wolf get it, but I'm liable to get it too. Even if I'm not as healthy and handsome as you thought. I was there for a minute. I do have my skin on straight and I kind of like it that way.

[Violet Parrot]

Just go on talking. You haven't said anything yet, but your voice goes right through me. I don't even want to drink.

[Archie Goodwin]

Look, to show you how selfish I am, I've got a suggestion. You haven't got a chance to clean up. Not one in a million. You're squeezed in between Daisy Parrot and Nero Wolf. And that's no setup for a Sherman tank, let alone a lady.

[Violet Parrot]

You were going to make a suggestion.

[Archie Goodwin]

Tell Parrot I'll do it for you that the gyp is out. You're merely his loving and obedient daughter. But it would be nice to have an allowance of, say, 300 a week.

[Violet Parrot]

300 a week?

[Nero Wolf]

He'd probably settle for that.

[Archie Goodwin]

No hard feelings. Wolf wouldn't be able to get a cut of it. And you'd be earning over 15,000 bucks. That's more than a US senator gets today. You know, I usually hate to be driven by a woman driver, but you're good. I thought you would be. You're very good.

[Violet Parrot]

I can turn corners and back up. That's my building just ahead. You wouldn't con me, would you, dumpling?

[Archie Goodwin]

If you still think Puritan would framed it, you're Betty. You don't know Wolf.

[Violet Parrot]

I don't know you either. So let's see what we can do to fix that up now, huh? We'll leave the car here later. I'll come down and drive you home.

[Archie Goodwin]

Come on, Angelina. Ms. Murphy, I don't think you.

[Violet Parrot]

Dumpling.

[Archie Goodwin]

What?

[Violet Parrot]

This isn't Halloween night, is it?

[Archie Goodwin]

No, it's not.

[Violet Parrot]

Then why is that guy in the car wearing a mask.

[Archie Goodwin]

Get down.

[Harold Stevens]

I'm shot. Oh, my God, I'm shot.

[Archie Goodwin]

Don't move, kids. Just try to be quiet. Angel food. Don't.

[Harold Stevens]

Shame.

[Archie Goodwin]

God damn shame. Okay, Goodwin, we lock you up. Oh, Inspector Cramer, you said that four times. I don't like the idea and neither will Mr. Wolf or his lawyer. But I prefer it to more of this. Go ahead, damn you. Look, let me summarize it for you. Daisy Parrot came to see Mr. Wolf to consult him. If I had information for you on that, which I haven't, it would only be secondhand. Then in the evening, Parrot's daughter arrived, apparently to consult Mr. Wolf about the same thing as her father. And I've told you you'll have to get that from Wolf too. And I've told you Wolf's door is bolted and Fritz says he can't be disturbed. He's asleep. Try him after breakfast. Say 11:00. Of course, I won't be there to let you in if I'm in that cell. Then I escorted Miss Parrot home. With her driving the car, we arrived at her apartment building. Where was Daisy Parrott? You mean now? Now, I have no idea. Is he holed up in Wolf's house? Oh, good God, no. It makes my teeth chatter just to think of it. Did your teeth chatter when he was there? Yesterday? Now look, it will soon be dawn and I've told it over and over all I know. You know damn well the man to tell you what Parrot and his daughter wanted his Wolf. You know damn well I can't tell you. You also know if you hold me, Mr. Wolf will resent it and you won't be able to depend on a thing he says. Now, Kramer, what do you want to do? Get in another jab in a private feud or solve a murder? Okay, I warn you, I'm gonna take a nap. Either in a chair or on a cot or home in bed. Get out of here. Go on, get in the cab. On the way home, I was trying to add it up. I couldn't even begin. Wyatt Parrot decided to erase Violet. And what was the big idea of dragging Wolf in, not to mention me? I decided I would have to shoot Parrot. It wasn't merely a hangover from my sensation as I watched Violet die on the sidewalk. It was a realization of where Wolf and I were sitting. To be tangled up in a gang war between Daisy Parrot and Thumbs Meeker wasn't taking a risk. It was checking out. But then, as we pulled up to the house, I changed my mind. Killing Parrot was the worst thing I could do. The guy I really wanted to shoot was Wolf. All this for a pork chop. Hold it right there, Goodwin, huh?

[Daisy Parrot]

No funny moves, Goodwin. That's a gun in his pocket.

[Archie Goodwin]

Is it the one he used last night?

[Daisy Parrot]

Don't be too smart. The one I asked you about last night. My car's around the corner. Go ahead. We'll come behind.

[Archie Goodwin]

We can talk here. I've often talked here. What do you want to ask me?

[Daisy Parrot]

Get going.

[Archie Goodwin]

I like it here.

[Daisy Parrot]

What's that?

[Archie Goodwin]

Taxi.

[Nero Wolf]

Hey.

[Daisy Parrot]

We shouldn't be out in the open like this. I said get going. Good one.

[Archie Goodwin]

I was about to say. I like it here. You can relax, Barrett. Even if I had ideas, which I haven't, I haven't got my gun. They took it away, that cab. Get down. Boss, I didn't duck or die. I just dropped. This time I didn't see the man in the cab at all, even to see if he was wearing a mask. I was moving too fast, rolling to get around the corner to safety. When it was safe, I stuck my head around the corner and saw two forms as flat as mine, only they were much quieter. I crawled over to them. Parrot and Face were never going to be dangerous to anyone again.

[Nero Wolf]

Archie, is that you?

[Archie Goodwin]

I. I think so. Fritz.

[Nero Wolf]

Do you need help?

[Archie Goodwin]

Just to get in. Fritz. Take the chain off the door.

[Nero Wolf]

Did you kill somebody, Archie? What the devil is it now?

[Archie Goodwin]

Just a couple of corpses on the sidewalk. By luck, one of them isn't me. Sorry to have disturbed your sleep. So Kramer didn't have to wait till after breakfast to see Wolf. He and his squad of scientists arrived within minutes and stayed for hours. Wolf told him almost everything about Parrot's visit, but he saved items like Violet being a phony and the kind of lever she had in her father. The real daughter was left out entirely. When the company finally left, the sunlight was entering the window beyond Wolf's desk. That may have well been the longest night I ever spent. I hoped it near a Wolf's office.

[Morton Shane]

Archie, Sol here. I want the bus.

[Archie Goodwin]

Hold on, Sul Panzer.

[Nero Wolf]

Good. Go up to your room and look at your face. It needs Washington.

[Archie Goodwin]

So would yours. You spent the night rolling around on site. You mean you have private business with Saul? You got him working on something?

[Nero Wolf]

Certainly. Mr. Parrot's job.

[Archie Goodwin]

Since when?

[Nero Wolf]

I phoned him last evening when you were escorting Ms. Murphy home.

[Archie Goodwin]

Why?

[Nero Wolf]

Because of something that had been said that aroused my suspicions. If you're out of it, Archie, you won't have to lie to the police when you Go downtown to sign your statement. Go and wash your face.

[Archie Goodwin]

Yeah. Well, I'll be damned. Excuse me.

[Nero Wolf]

Oh, by the way.

[Archie Goodwin]

Yes?

[Nero Wolf]

I suppose it would be futile to call that number Mr. Parrott gave us. Now that he's dead, I'm out of it.

[Archie Goodwin]

My breakfast was interrupted four times by phone calls and that went on all morning. I wasn't so bad. Stalling journalists had to be routine with me over the years. But one of the calls was a sample of what might be expected from life from then on, as long as it. Good one. That's my name.

[Daisy Parrot]

I'm a friend of Daisy Parrots. I want to ask you a couple of questions. Be at the 711 club this afternoon at 2 o'clock.

[Archie Goodwin]

I'm tied up at the office, but if you'll give me your name and number, I'll ring you if I find I can make it. It's too bad you wasn't tied up at the office last night. When Wolf is upstairs with his orchids every morning from 9 till 11, he does not like to be disturbed. So I buzzed to tell him about that call, that's all.

[Nero Wolf]

You interrupted me to tell me that?

[Archie Goodwin]

Yes, sir. Oh, and another man called, said his name was Schwartz and he's Daisy Parrot's lawyer. He wanted to see you immediately. I told him 11:00, but if you regard him as out of it too, I can ring him and tell him not to come.

[Nero Wolf]

Eleven will do, Archer. Did you try that Lincoln number, Mr. Mr. Parrott said between seven and ten.

[Archie Goodwin]

No.

[Nero Wolf]

Sit down, Mr. Schwartz.

[Morton Shane]

Thank you. Mr. Wolf. I must apologize for being urgent about this appointment, but I felt there should be no delay. I gathered from Mr. Parrott last evening that you had not explicitly given your assent.

[Nero Wolf]

Assent to what?

[Morton Shane]

Why, to your appointment in his will as executor of his estate. In effect, the guardian of his daughter. Did you?

[Nero Wolf]

Utterly preposterous.

[Morton Shane]

I was afraid of that. It will complicate matters. You see, there is a question whether the $50,000 provided for that purpose will go to the executor if the executor is not you.

[Nero Wolf]

Did you say 50,000? Yes. Tell me about it.

[Morton Shane]

In the past I have attended to a few matters for Mr. Parrot of a minor legal nature. But last evening he came to my office, my apartment. He has never been to my office and asked me to draw up some papers at once in his presence.

[Nero Wolf]

What time was this?

[Morton Shane]

Oh, he arrived about nine, was there until after midnight. I'm afraid it took a long while. You understand it's a Difficult business. Extremely difficult to convey property by testament to a daughter without naming or identifying her in any way. Your functions are limited strictly to the legacy of his daughter. There are only two other provisions in the document under consideration. $50,000 to you as executor and the same in amount to me.

[Nero Wolf]

Let me see it in a moment.

[Morton Shane]

Yes, sir. I should explain that the large sum left to me was not to compensate me for drawing up some papers. It was to pay me for not opening this envelope addressed to you and examining the contents. I must say he misjudged me entirely. One tenth that amount. 1 50th would have sufficed. So having said that, there is the will and this is the envelope.

[Nero Wolf]

Thank you.

[Archie Goodwin]

Well, at least we know where Parrott was when the police couldn't find him last night.

[Nero Wolf]

Yes, Mr. Schwartz. Considering the circumstances, I think Mr. Parrott would expect me to let you know this much. Archie, would you read this page to Mr. Schwartz?

[Archie Goodwin]

Yes. To Nero Wolf. If this is a wrong one, I'm pulling. It's the worst mistake I ever made. But I think I can count on you. After seeing you today and sizing you up, I. I don't think I'm going to die. But what if I do? That's my problem. My daughter has got to be protected. I mean, she has got to. Got to get what belongs to her. And that's my problem.

[Nero Wolf]

Thank you. The envelope also contains a marriage certificate and a birth certificate. Put them in the safe, Archie.

[Morton Shane]

Ah, then you accept the office?

[Nero Wolf]

I do.

[Morton Shane]

In that case, I have a question. With the daughter dead, how do you propose to perform the functions of your office?

[Nero Wolf]

A reasonable question. I had Archie read you that page because I wanted to understand why I cannot give you an answer. Since Mr. Perrott trusted you, he would expect me to give you this much satisfaction. The daughter is not dead. Beyond that. Mr. Perrott left it to me and so will you.

[Morton Shane]

I see. I hope you'll forgive me if I mention another detail. I understand that Mr. Goodwin here was present when Ms. Perrott was killed.

[Nero Wolf]

Yes.

[Morton Shane]

He was also present when Mr. Parrott and his companion were killed. Yes, but Mr. Goodwin was not injured.

[Archie Goodwin]

Only my pride.

[Morton Shane]

Mr. Wolf, I. I don't know whether you fully realize the inferences that will be drawn by Mr. Ferris Associates when.

[Archie Goodwin]

They narrow Wolf's office. Can he talk to me now? Hold on a moment.

[Nero Wolf]

I'll see.

[Archie Goodwin]

It's the man who called earlier, the one who wouldn't leave his name.

[Nero Wolf]

I'll take it. Nero Wolf speaking. Your Name, please. I'm sorry, sir. I never speak to people without a name. Just a moment. F, A, B, I, A, N. Thank you. Hold the line a moment, please. Mr. Schwartz, have you ever heard of a man called Fabian?

[Archie Goodwin]

Yes. So have I.

[Nero Wolf]

Yes, Mr. Fabian, what is it? I see. I must tell you, I never make appointments outside my house. No, no indeed. I assure you I'm not frightened at all. Yes, I realize that, but I seldom go out for if you. Well, I have a suggestion. Why don't you come to my office, say at 2:00 this afternoon? Did you have the address? Good.

[Morton Shane]

Mr. Wolf, I was about to say when the phone rang that Mr. Parrott's associates are men of action. To put it baldly, they will kill both you and Mr. Goodwin the first chance they get. Now I was about to suggest certain precautions.

[Nero Wolf]

Mr. Fabian says he wants to ask me something.

[Morton Shane]

But great heavens, don't let him in.

[Nero Wolf]

If he is really dangerous, and if he has drawn the sort of inferences you fear, my own office is the only safe place to meet him. This business has to be settled sooner rather than later, doesn't it? Shall we continue?

[Archie Goodwin]

Nero Wolf's office. Archie Goodwin speaking.

[Harold Stevens]

You said your name was Harold Stevens.

[Archie Goodwin]

Oh, boy, just what I needed. Actually, at the moment the name is Mud. Harold Mudd Here.

[Harold Stevens]

That's not funny.

[Archie Goodwin]

Certainly isn't.

[Harold Stevens]

Look, actually, I want to know about the man that got killed and how you happen to be.

[Archie Goodwin]

Hold it, hold it. Wait a minute. Start again. What have you seen, heard and done?

[Harold Stevens]

I've seen pictures just now in the Gazette, one of a man named Daisy Parrot and I know him in a certain way and he's been killed. And for a certain reason that's bad news for me. Another picture is of you and it says your name is Archie Goodwin.

[Archie Goodwin]

That's right.

[Harold Stevens]

And you work for Nero Wolf. And it says you were with Daisy Parrot when he was killed. So I want to know what. I'm coming over there.

[Archie Goodwin]

No, no, don't do that. You stay where you are. I'll come over and pick you up. I'll be right over. It's a friend of the law student. Very upset.

[Nero Wolf]

I gathered. You can leave at once. I can finish my business with Mr. Schwartz without you.

[Archie Goodwin]

Yes, sir.

[Nero Wolf]

And I change. Arrange it carefully.

[Archie Goodwin]

That's why I'm picking her up, sir.

[Nero Wolf]

How do you do, Ms. Page and Morton. I wasn't expecting you.

[Harold Stevens]

He wouldn't let me come alone.

[Nero Wolf]

I certainly wouldn't.

[Daisy Parrot]

I'd like to know what this is all about.

[Nero Wolf]

Goodwin saying his name was Stevens. And why were we sneaked in the.

[Archie Goodwin]

Back way like this?

[Nero Wolf]

The sidewalk in front of our house was the scene of two murders and quite conspicuous. I demand to know what is going on. Miss Page deserves an explanation and she'll get it. Doubtless you'll get it later from her. Mr. Goodwin and I are taking Ms. Page up to the plant rooms to show her my orchids and have a talk with her. Now, there are books and magazines down there. I must insist. Don't try, Archie. Tell Fritz there'll be two luncheon guests at one shop. My God, you're impressed.

[Harold Stevens]

I've never seen such a blaze of color in my life.

[Nero Wolf]

Someday you must spend an hour or two up here. Now, I'm afraid we haven't time. You're not an infant, Ms. Payne.

[Harold Stevens]

I'm 20 years old and I won't.

[Nero Wolf]

Have to use a nipple for this, you know What? A hypothetical question. Certainly, and I'll put one to you. Suppose these things that with me as intermediary, your father has arranged to make available to you a considerable sum of money. That he is not in a position to disclose himself to you and cannot ever be expected to do so. That he has put it wholly within my discretion whether you shall be told his name and your mother's name and that the circumstances of such that it will be one deuce of a job to keep you from guessing his name and guessing it right. Now, supposing all that. Here's something for you to think over.

[Harold Stevens]

Yes?

[Nero Wolf]

You want me to tell you the names or not?

[Harold Stevens]

I don't need to think it over. I want you to tell me.

[Nero Wolf]

Oh, that's an impulse.

[Harold Stevens]

Oh, good Lord, an impulse. If you only knew what I. I want to know.

[Nero Wolf]

What if your father is, say, a convicted pickpocket?

[Harold Stevens]

I don't care what he is. I want to know.

[Nero Wolf]

Then you should. Mr. Perrott. Your father died last night out there on the sidewalk.

[Harold Stevens]

I knew it.

[Morton Shane]

The devil you did.

[Harold Stevens]

I knew it.

[Nero Wolf]

Oh, good God. Deal with this, Archie.

[Harold Stevens]

Miss, why haven't you got the sense to go too?

[Archie Goodwin]

Look. The room just under this one is mine. It's unlocked and it has a bathroom with a mirror. There's no hurry. We can wait.

[Nero Wolf]

Down. So soon? Archie? Is she all right?

[Archie Goodwin]

She needed a shoulder to cry on. But with her fiance under the same roof, I didn't think it would be fitting. Morton's in the front room pacing. Nero Wolf's office, aren't you?

[Nero Wolf]

Good.

[Archie Goodwin]

When? Let me talk to him. It's Kramer.

[Nero Wolf]

Mr. Kramer, how are you?

[Archie Goodwin]

I'm fine. You?

[Nero Wolf]

The way I always am before lunch. Hungry.

[Archie Goodwin]

Enjoy it. This is just a friendly call. I wanted to let you know that you were right, as usual when you decided to keep it all to yourself and tell us only one thing that was worth a damn about Parrot's daughter being wanted in Salt Lake. We got onto her through the Washington fingerprint piles, as you knew we would. I don't think she was his daughter at all. Her name was Angelina Murphy, though she used others she had about 10 years coming. I suppose I might as well ask if you have anything to add.

[Nero Wolf]

Uh, no. No, I think not.

[Archie Goodwin]

Nothing at all about the job you took on for Parrot?

[Nero Wolf]

No, nothing.

[Archie Goodwin]

Okay. I didn't expect it. Enjoy your lunch. Well, at least I heard that before I died.

[Nero Wolf]

What?

[Archie Goodwin]

Well, Kramer knowing you've got things he could use and merely telling you to enjoy your lunch. Do you know why?

[Nero Wolf]

Yes. It was, in effect, an obituary. If I were a sentimentalist, Archie, I'd be touched.

[Archie Goodwin]

He thinks we haven't got long to live.

[Nero Wolf]

Yes.

[Archie Goodwin]

What do you think?

[Nero Wolf]

I think we should enjoy our lunch.

[Morton Shane]

Excuse me, sir.

[Archie Goodwin]

Mr. Schwartz has arrived.

[Morton Shane]

He says he has an appointment at 2.

[Nero Wolf]

Thank you, Fritz. Well, I must apologize for ending the meal so abruptly, but callers are expected. Ms. Page, I think it would be best for you and Morton to leave the same way you came.

[Harold Stevens]

I don't want to leave yet. Couldn't I wait? There are things I'd like to ask.

[Nero Wolf]

Certainly. You may wait in the plant rooms if you wish.

[Harold Stevens]

Morton, too.

[Nero Wolf]

No, wait.

[Archie Goodwin]

I don't like the way things look here.

[Daisy Parrot]

I don't know what explanation you've given Ms.

[Nero Wolf]

Page. These callers you're expecting, are they connected with Ms. Page or her affairs? With Miss Page, no. With her affairs, yes. Who are they? One of them is a man called Fabian. Another is named Schwartz, a lawyer, a member of the bar. And I've invited a private investigator currently in my employ, Mr. Saul Panzer.

[Daisy Parrot]

I want to be present.

[Harold Stevens]

Morton. No, you don't understand.

[Nero Wolf]

Ms. Page's name will not appear in the conversation. I can see no reason why you shouldn't be there if you want to. Ah. That will be Mr. Fabian. So please go ahead into the office. Mr. Shane. Archie and I will join you shortly. Mr. Fabian. It is part of your legend, sir, that you never go anywhere unarmed. Are you armed now?

[Archie Goodwin]

Yeah.

[Daisy Parrot]

Any objections?

[Nero Wolf]

None at all. But I'm not calling you a liar, but I would be better satisfied if I saw proof. Where is your weapon? Easily available.

[Archie Goodwin]

It's available.

[Nero Wolf]

Would you mind showing it to me? Comedy here.

[Daisy Parrot]

I could have had it out and in again 20 times. I came to get some proof from.

[Nero Wolf]

You and Goodwin here. Ah, excuse me. We'll go into the office and sit down. This way, sir. You know, I. I must apologize to you, Mr. Fabian, for appropriating a few minutes of your time. But this will only take a few.

[Archie Goodwin]

Fritz has got it, sir. You're Schwartz?

[Nero Wolf]

Yes, Mr. Fabian.

[Morton Shane]

You may remember.

[Archie Goodwin]

Yeah, I remember. Fritz, Are you all right, sir?

[Nero Wolf]

Are you gonna stop? Stop me?

[Archie Goodwin]

Fabian, what you doing here?

[Daisy Parrot]

I got you covered, Thomas.

[Archie Goodwin]

Not here.

[Daisy Parrot]

And now. Fabian, who gave you the steer?

[Archie Goodwin]

Nobody. I came on business. Lift them up.

[Nero Wolf]

Oh, Tommy. Rod, this is preposterous. Besides, you two, there are five people in here. What do you expect to do, shoot all of us? That's nonsense. Who the devil are you, sir? What do you mean, bounding into my house like this?

[Archie Goodwin]

That's Mr. Thumb's Meeker, Mr. Wolf, sir. You heard me, Fabian. Not here, and now he's right. I came on business.

[Nero Wolf]

You came on business? What business?

[Archie Goodwin]

Who are these guys?

[Nero Wolf]

They're here on business too. What's yours?

[Archie Goodwin]

I want to know if it's true that you told the cops that your punk put a finger on Perrot and his daughter for me.

[Nero Wolf]

No.

[Archie Goodwin]

They seem to have that idea.

[Nero Wolf]

It isn't true.

[Archie Goodwin]

Oh. Oh, I'm a liar.

[Nero Wolf]

I don't know whether you're a liar or not, but if the police have made any such statement or intimation, they are. I would have expected you to be sufficiently familiar with police methods. Not to come running to me with anything as silly as that.

[Archie Goodwin]

You didn't tell him that?

[Nero Wolf]

Certainly not your good one.

[Archie Goodwin]

Yeah. Did you? No. Am I a half wit?

[Nero Wolf]

Mr. Meeker, now that you're here, I suggest that you stay. Please be seated. I was about to tell these people who killed Mr. Perrott and his daughter. And how and why. It will be doubly interesting because the man who did it is present.

[Archie Goodwin]

I wouldn't want to miss that. Hey, I'm present.

[Nero Wolf]

Yes, sir, but it wasn't you. Sit down. I don't like to talk to faces on different levels. And you too, Mr. Fabian. That's better. Now then, first about Mr. Parrot's daughter. The police know that the young woman who was killed last night was not his daughter. But they don't know that he actually has a daughter. I do. And I know who and where she is. Because Mr. Perrott told me about her in this room yesterday at this very moment, she. Slow, if you please. No power on earth, Mr. Fabian, not even the kind of primitive power you rely on will keep me from telling this properly. You could shoot me, but you're not going to, so don't interrupt. Mr. Perrott's real daughter is at this moment in this house. I upstairs looking at my orchids. He told a lie. She doesn't think so, Mr. Shane. And don't you interrupt me. Mr. Parrot entrusted her interests to me, and I intend to guard them. Some 18 months ago, he discovered that you, Mr. Meeker, had learned of his daughter's existence and were trying to find her. So he tried a finesse. He went to Salt Lake City and arranged with a young woman named Murphy, a fugitive from justice, to come to New York and live with him as his daughter. Go slow. Don't be absurd, Mr. Fabian. The police know all that. The arrangement was made, and Ms. Murphy came to New York and became Ms. Violet Parrott. But before long, she began demanding sums of money increasingly larger, with the threat that she would make a disclosure if he didn't pay. And he paid.

[Archie Goodwin]

That's crazy. Daisy Parrot would never pay blackmail.

[Nero Wolf]

Oh, but he did, Mr. Because, you see, Ms. Murphy had somehow found out who and what and where his daughter was. And that put his daughter in jeopardy.

[Archie Goodwin]

Daisy would never put up with that.

[Nero Wolf]

He would have handled it. Mr. Parrott couldn't handle this because Ms. Murphy had taken precautions to protect herself. She told someone else.

[Daisy Parrot]

Someone else?

[Nero Wolf]

With Mr. Panzer's help, I have discovered the identity of that person. Who?

[Archie Goodwin]

Who was it?

[Nero Wolf]

Ms. Murphy out west had been attached to a man in some of her unsavory enterprises. That man came to New York. I don't know when, but it may be surmised that it was about the time Ms. Murphy began demanding money from Mr. Perry.

[Archie Goodwin]

Who is he?

[Nero Wolf]

That man decided on a stroke of his own. Unknown to Ms. Murphy, he contrived to meet the daughter, to pursue a friendship with her, to ask her to marry him and to be accepted. He had enough temerity to masquerade as a law student. And indeed, his temerity was unlimited. He didn't even bother about an alias. He became engaged to marry Mr. Perry's daughter under his own name, Morton Shane. That's a lie. No, Mr. Shane. That is the truth. I know it. I can prove it. What I don't know yet is why. Why did you shoot and kill Ms. Murphy and and Mr. Parrott? Merely to clear the track, to get them out of the way. Since the daughter was Betrothed to you? Possibly, but I doubt it. More probably something had happened. You'd become aware of some deadly threats. Had Ms. Murphy by any chance discovered your association with the real daughter? You lead all of this, you fat, lying son of a bitch. I'm going.

[Archie Goodwin]

Stay where you are.

[Daisy Parrot]

You got anything else?

[Nero Wolf]

Nothing but proof. Last evening, Mr. Perrott's daughter and this young man dined with us. And one or two remarks he made stirred a faint suspicion in me. Faint, but simple to test. He said he was in his last year at law school, and I asked him if he'd learned to draft torts, and he said he had. Mr. Schwartz, you're an attorney. Is that possible?

[Morton Shane]

No, certainly not. A tort is an act, not a document. As any law student would know, you can't draft a tort any more than you can draft a burglary.

[Nero Wolf]

I had my chef. Save your wine glass, Mr. Shane. And after you had left, I got in touch with Mr. Panzer through the FBI. We learned of your background and your record. And I also arranged that Mr. Panzer should pick you up last evening in front of the building where Mr. Perrett's daughter lives and keep on your trail. Kill you, you son of.

[Archie Goodwin]

The paper says the DA's decided not to charge Meeker or Fabian because a man has a right to defend himself. And all the witnesses agree that Shane shot first.

[Nero Wolf]

Perfectly sound.

[Archie Goodwin]

Yeah. Yeah, I. I hate to disturb your reading.

[Nero Wolf]

Then don't.

[Archie Goodwin]

But I would like to make it clear that I don't believe Saul was on Shane's tail that night. I think you put that in to make Shane go for his gun.

[Nero Wolf]

That's not sound at all. Mere conjecture.

[Archie Goodwin]

You knew Fabian would get Shane, and you had to do it that way because you knew you couldn't pin the killings on Shane. Indeed, you had no proof. As a responsible guardian, you had a problem. Your ward was engaged to a murderer, and you were afraid that she was so wired to him that she might take him. Now, that's where you made your mistake.

[Nero Wolf]

Oh, yes.

[Archie Goodwin]

Oh, yes. You see, once Beulah laid eyes on me, Shane was right out of the picture.

[Nero Wolf]

Oh, shut up, Archie.

[Archie Goodwin]

Yes, sir. In an hour or so. Now, I am willing to be chastised, too, because on one count, I have it coming. I told you that just before Violet quit for good, while I was kneeling there beside her, she said, it's a shame. A shame. Of course she didn't. What she said was, it's Shane. Shane, yeah. Fumbled that one. And hereafter I wash my ears better. Archie, go on and read. Go on, because I'm going up to change my shirt. I'm taking your new ward out to dinner tonight. But don't jump to the conclusion that I'm thinking of marrying her. I don't want you dragging Fabian and Thumbs Maker down here on my account.