Nero Wolfe 82-01-30 Counterfeit Murder

Summary

Episode Summary: "Counterfeit Murder" (Nero Wolfe 82-01-30)

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
Episode Title: Nero Wolfe 82-01-30 Counterfeit Murder
Release Date: April 26, 2025

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Introduction

"Counterfeit Murder" is a gripping episode from the classic Nero Wolfe series, brought to life by Harold's Old Time Radio. Set in the opulent yet enigmatic Manhattan brownstone of the brilliant detective Nero Wolfe, this episode delves into the perilous world of counterfeit money, deceit, and murder. Featuring a stellar cast, including Maver Moore as Nero Wolfe and Don Franks as Archie Goodwin, listeners are treated to a meticulously crafted mystery that captures the essence of the Golden Age of Radio.

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Plot Overview

00:38 - 07:24: The Mysterious Encounter

The episode begins with Nero Wolfe’s everyday routine interrupted by a distressed woman, Hattie Annis (Joy Cogill), who arrives unannounced with a perplexing package. Wolfe, maintaining his strict policy of seeing clients only by appointment, initially rebuffs her attempts to gain his attention. However, compelled by her desperate demeanor, he reluctantly engages, revealing her possession of counterfeit bills worth approximately $10,000.

Nero Wolfe (00:59): "What have you got?"
Hattie Annis (02:02): "It won't bite. And don't you open it till I get back."
Nero Wolfe (03:18): "I don't know why I took it, except that she trusted me..."

07:24 - 16:05: Unraveling the Mystery

As Wolfe and his assistant, Archie Goodwin (Don Franks), delve deeper into the case, they uncover that the counterfeit money is linked to Tammy Baxter (Nikki), whose suspicious death raises red flags. The involvement of Albert Leach (Brent Carver), a Secret Service agent, introduces an element of federal intrigue, suggesting corruption and hidden agendas within law enforcement.

Nero Wolfe (07:55): "Tammy Baxter was a tea woman."
Archie Goodwin (08:32): "Hey, that's good coffee, Fritz."

16:05 - 28:59: The Web of Deceit

The investigation intensifies as Wolfe and Goodwin interrogate the boarders of Hattie Annis’s boarding house—Raymond Dell, Paul Hannah, Noel Ferris, and Martha Kirk. Each character reveals ulterior motives and potential alibis, complicating the mystery. The interactions between Wolfe and the Secret Service agent Albert Leach further complicate matters, indicating a conspiracy to cover up the counterfeit operation.

Hattie Annis (16:05): "You can get a room there, even if you don't pay every week."
Archie Goodwin (24:12): "I have no interest in a reward."

28:59 - 39:26: Confrontations and Revelations

As Wolfe meticulously pieces together the clues, internal conflicts arise between him and Goodwin, especially regarding the handling of evidence and interactions with law enforcement. The revelation of Paul Hannah's (Frank Perry) involvement as both a counterfeiter and a suspect in Tammy Baxter's murder brings the investigation to a critical juncture.

Archie Goodwin (35:49): "What are you doing around the docks, Joaquin?"
Nero Wolfe (36:53): "I left the house a little after 9 o'clock..."

39:26 - 47:40: The Climax and Resolution

The tension reaches its peak when Goodwin orchestrates a strategic confrontation, leveraging the collected evidence to expose the counterfeit ring. The collaboration between Wolfe, Goodwin, and law enforcement culminates in the arrest of Paul Hannah, effectively dismantling the criminal operation. The episode concludes with Hattie Annis rewarding Wolfe and Goodwin, highlighting their unwavering dedication and the triumph of justice.

Nero Wolfe (39:28): "You dispose of evidence in a murder case."
Archie Goodwin (45:50): "So, gentlemen, I was faced with a dilemma..."
Hattie Annis (46:49): "I don't believe either of you and this bill."

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Key Characters and Their Roles

• Nero Wolfe (Maver Moore): The reclusive, genius detective whose analytical prowess drives the investigation.

• Archie Goodwin (Don Franks): Wolfe’s witty and resourceful assistant, acting as the narrator and primary link to the outside world.

• Hattie Annis (Joy Cogill): A distressed boarder who becomes the catalyst for the ensuing mystery by introducing the counterfeit money.

• Albert Leach (Brent Carver): A Secret Service agent whose interactions add layers of governmental intrigue to the plot.

• Paul Hannah (Frank Perry): A suspect with dual roles as both a counterfeiter and a possible murderer, central to the episode's resolution.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Nero Wolfe on Trust:
  [03:18] "I don't know why I took it, except that she trusted me..."

• Archie Goodwin on Reputation:
  [12:11] "I know your reputation, Goodwin and Wolf's."

• Wolfe on Civility:
  [14:43] "But you have a point."

• Goodwin’s Determination:
  [15:31] "Let’s go."

• Hattie Annis on Cops:
  [23:29] "All right, buster. I’ve never hired a detective before."

• Climactic Confrontation:
  [43:57] "Mr. Hannah, your first name is Paul."

• Final Resolution:
  [47:40] "I think a trust fund might be in order so that Hattie may have even better days to come."

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Themes and Insights

"Counterfeit Murder" explores themes of trust, deception, and the blurred lines between right and wrong within the sphere of law enforcement and private investigation. The episode adeptly balances suspense with character development, showcasing Nero Wolfe's intellectual dominance and Archie Goodwin's pragmatic approach. The intricate plot underscores the complexity of criminal networks and the moral ambiguities faced by those who seek justice.

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Conclusion

"Counterfeit Murder" stands out as a quintessential Nero Wolfe episode, blending intricate plotting with sharp dialogue and memorable characters. Harold's Old Time Radio successfully transports listeners to an era where radio dramas captivated audiences with their storytelling prowess. This episode not only entertains but also invites listeners to engage deeply with the mystery, making it a must-listen for aficionados of classic detective narratives.

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Production Credits

• Starring:

  • Maver Moore as Nero Wolfe
  • Don Franks as Archie Goodwin
  • Cease Linder as Inspector Kramer
  • Joy Cogill as Hattie Annis
  • Brent Carver as Albert Leach
  • Paul Hammond as Paul Hannah
  • Gilly Fennec, Raymond Dell, Lynn Griffin, Sandy Webster, and additional supporting cast.

• Music: Composed and conducted by Don Gillis

• Technical Operations: John Jessup

• Sound Effects: Bill Robinson

• Production Assistant: Bill

• Casting Consultant: Anne Weldon Tate

• Written by: Alan Osborne

• Produced and Directed in Toronto by Ron Hartman

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Stay tuned for next week's episode, "Meet Tina and Carl," promising another enthralling adventure with Nero Wolfe and Archie Goodwin.

Transcript

[Hattie Annis]

Your next unforgettable experience can happen anytime. Take an AMEX card with you for rewards wherever you go.

[Archie Goodwin]

Morning coffee run with an old friend.

[Hattie Annis]

Earn cash back. Weekend getaway.

[Archie Goodwin]

Earn miles.

[Hattie Annis]

AMEX rewards your inner explorer.

[Archie Goodwin]

Learn [e-mail] terms apply. Rex Stouts, Nero Wolf. Starring Mabel Moore as Nero Wolf and.

[Nero Wolfe]

Dawn Franks as Archie Goodwin.

[Archie Goodwin]

Today's episode, Counterfeit for Murder. With special guest stars Joy Coghill, Brent.

[Nero Wolfe]

Carver, Gilly Fenneck, Lynn Griffin and Sandy Webs. I was on my way out to deposit a check in Nero Wolf's bank account when I saw her through the frost on the one way glass panel of the front door. Now, my rule is never be rude to anyone unless you mean it. But when I saw her there on the stoop, her gray hair straggling all over her dirty face and her coat missing a stratification button, well, I meant it. I don't want any thanks.

[Hattie Annis]

You would have once, buster. Thirty years ago I was a real treat.

[Nero Wolfe]

My, how time flies.

[Hattie Annis]

Hey, wait. I want to see Nero Wolf, the detective. Sorry, Do I gotta walk right through you?

[Nero Wolfe]

There are difficulties, lady. One, I'm bigger than you are. Two, Mr. Wolf only sees people by appointment. Three, he won't be available till 11am Three or my watch says 10.

[Hattie Annis]

I'll come in and wait.

[Nero Wolfe]

No, I'm.

[Hattie Annis]

Huh? Roll.

[Nero Wolfe]

No go.

[Hattie Annis]

Listen, are you nailed down?

[Nero Wolfe]

I'm just fascinated. What's your name?

[Hattie Annis]

My name's Annis. Patty Annis.

[Nero Wolfe]

What do you Want to see Mr. Wolf about?

[Hattie Annis]

Listen, I'll tell him when I see him.

[Nero Wolfe]

You'll have to tell me. Mrs. Annis.

[Hattie Annis]

Ms. Anna.

[Nero Wolfe]

Oh, I'm sorry. My name's Archie Goodwin. I'm Mr. Wolf's assistant.

[Hattie Annis]

I know who you are. Oh, and if you think I look as if I can't pay Nero Wolf, there's going to be a reward and I'll split it with him.

[Nero Wolfe]

Now, you want a reward, you go to the police.

[Hattie Annis]

Listen, I wouldn't trust no cop if he was a baby and stock naked. I got it right here in my purse.

[Nero Wolfe]

What have you got?

[Hattie Annis]

I'll tell Nero Wolf. Listen, buster, I'm no Eskimo. Let the lady in, will you?

[Nero Wolfe]

No, it's no go. We got strict rules around here. Go around the corner and have a coffee or duck into the cleaners and have them fix that coat button. Come back at 11:15 and maybe Mr. Wolf will see you. That's all I can do.

[Hattie Annis]

Okay? Okay. I'll be back. You keep this package for me.

[Archie Goodwin]

Buffy.

[Nero Wolfe]

Oh, what's in it.

[Hattie Annis]

It won't bite. And don't you open it till I get back. I don't want no cop to get hold of it.

[Nero Wolfe]

I don't know why I took it, except that she trusted me, which meant she had fine instincts and no sense at all. Could have been a bomb. But it didn't tick, so I just stashed it under the couch in the front living room and went off on my errand, thinking maybe it was the Hope diamond and I should have put it in the office safe. I was so worried by the time I got back to the front door of the old brownstone that I almost tripped on a fur coat on the top step before I noticed somebody was sitting in it.

[Hattie Annis]

It's a terrific idea, this outdoor waiting room, but you ought to install a magazine rack.

[Nero Wolfe]

She was the kind of girl Hattie Annis might have been 30 years ago. Right age, right face, right legs, so far as I could see. I decided to invite her inside so she could take her coat off. Welcome to the office. I'll sit here. You can sit there.

[Hattie Annis]

A man told me through a crack in the door that Mr. Wolf was engaged and Mr. Goodwin was out. Mr. Goodwin, I presume.

[Nero Wolfe]

You do, but it's okay by me. Your turn.

[Hattie Annis]

My name is Tammy Baxter, short for Tamiris. I haven't decided yet which one to use in the marquee when I'm a star.

[Nero Wolfe]

Well, that would depend if it's a musical, Tammy. But if it's Lady Macbeth. Tamiris.

[Hattie Annis]

Hey, thanks.

[Nero Wolfe]

Don't mention it.

[Hattie Annis]

Why don't you ask me what I want?

[Nero Wolfe]

I'm putting it off because I may not have it.

[Hattie Annis]

Oh, that's nice. I like that. That's a good line. If you knew how to read it.

[Nero Wolfe]

Okay, how's this? What do you want?

[Hattie Annis]

Don't call us, we'll call you. I'm not an actress yet. Only going to be. Oh, I don't want much. Just ask about my landlady, Ms. Annis. Hattie Annis. Has she been here?

[Nero Wolfe]

Here? When?

[Hattie Annis]

This morning.

[Nero Wolfe]

I'll ask Fritz, the housekeeper.

[Hattie Annis]

Fritz, a male housekeeper?

[Nero Wolfe]

He's also the chef. Mr. Wolf doesn't like women around the house.

[Archie Goodwin]

Can I be of assistance, Mr. Goodwin?

[Nero Wolfe]

Ah, Fritz. Mr. Brenner, did anyone besides this lady come in while I was out?

[Archie Goodwin]

No, sir.

[Hattie Annis]

Sir.

[Archie Goodwin]

No one?

[Nero Wolfe]

Any phone calls?

[Archie Goodwin]

No, sir.

[Nero Wolfe]

Oh, thank you very much, sir.

[Archie Goodwin]

Well, thank you, sir.

[Nero Wolfe]

No, thank you, sir. Well, apparently not Ms. Baxter.

[Hattie Annis]

That's funny. She said she was going to take something to I'm worried.

[Nero Wolfe]

Why should you worry?

[Hattie Annis]

You would if you knew her. She almost never leaves the house. Never goes more than a block away. She's no loony, you know, but she's not quite all there. And we all feel responsible for. Oh, it's a boarding house. Oh, a dump, almost. But anybody in show business or trying to be can get a room there, even if you don't pay every week. I only hope she's well. If she comes, will you phone me?

[Nero Wolfe]

Oh, sure, sure, if. If you'll give me your phone number.

[Hattie Annis]

Oh, my, you read that line wrong, too. Got your little black book handy?

[Archie Goodwin]

I don't care if it is the Hope diamond in that package, Archie, I will not see your Ms. Ennis.

[Nero Wolfe]

But when you see her.

[Archie Goodwin]

Mister, I'm not going to see her. I have letters to dictate to you. One about a rare orchid they found in Brazil, and no unpunctual elderly delinquent is going to interrupt.

[Nero Wolfe]

Maybe a witch can be 20 minutes late.

[Archie Goodwin]

What?

[Nero Wolfe]

Maybe something happened to her broomstick. No, no. Of course, nobody believes in witches anymore. Certainly I don't. But now I'm not so sure. She. She has this strange fascination. Have I got a screw loose?

[Archie Goodwin]

Yes. A witch, you say?

[Nero Wolfe]

Well, she must be. I'm bewitched.

[Archie Goodwin]

All right, I'll give her two minutes, but not unless she flies here within the next five. Otherwise, I shall go and sample Fritz's chestnut soup.

[Nero Wolfe]

That'll be her now. I'll go and get it.

[Archie Goodwin]

Remember, two minutes.

[Nero Wolfe]

It was her, all right. Looking as if she'd been hit by a car. Turned out she'd been hit by a car. I caught her as she passed out and carried her onto the couch in the front room. Now, there's no chair in there big enough to hold Nero Wolf's seventh of a ton, but he was a good sport about it.

[Archie Goodwin]

I am perfectly capable of standing for two minutes, Archie.

[Hattie Annis]

Oh, you don't lock it. You do fine for false, Dad.

[Archie Goodwin]

I take it you are feeling better, Ms. Annis.

[Hattie Annis]

Yeah.

[Archie Goodwin]

You told Mr. Goodwin a car came up over the curb and hit you?

[Hattie Annis]

Not hard enough to knock me down. The curb spoiled his aim and I.

[Nero Wolfe]

Jumped and the car went on.

[Hattie Annis]

Yeah, I just gone home to sew that button back on my coat after your crack about my appearance. Busted. And I almost got back here when they.

[Archie Goodwin]

Did you see who was driving the car?

[Hattie Annis]

No, no, he come up behind me or she did. So I stumbled back here and I rang the bell and I got you.

[Nero Wolfe]

Before you hit bottom.

[Hattie Annis]

And I missed out again.

[Nero Wolfe]

What?

[Hattie Annis]

Carried in the arms of a man and I didn't even know him. What's life up to?

[Archie Goodwin]

Madam, I told Mr. Goodwin I would give you two minutes. Let us make the most of them.

[Hattie Annis]

Oh, sorry. Some wonderful day. Buster here carries me over the threshold and Falstaff gives me two minutes. Hey, and here's another one with coffee.

[Nero Wolfe]

Oh, thank you, Fritz.

[Archie Goodwin]

You're quite welcome, sir. For the lady, if you please, Fritz. Yes.

[Hattie Annis]

Hey, I like him.

[Archie Goodwin]

Ms. Annis, Mr. Goodwin tells me you have something you think is good for a reward. What is it?

[Hattie Annis]

Do you happen to know that all stage people are crazy?

[Archie Goodwin]

They have no Monopoly. Thank you, Fritz. Yes, sir.

[Hattie Annis]

Hey, that's good coffee, Fritz.

[Archie Goodwin]

Thank you, madam.

[Hattie Annis]

I like them. I was born in this house on 42nd Street. I always lived there and my father owned a theater. You see, stage people are special. They always have been. In that house is only eight minutes walk from Times Square. Hell, I only need one room in a kitchen so they can live there. They pay me when they can.

[Nero Wolfe]

Well, who lives there now, Ms. Annis?

[Hattie Annis]

Five of them, huh? Three men and two girls. And they all use the kitchen and keep their rooms decent. At least they're supposed to. I never go in. My room's on the second floor front.

[Archie Goodwin]

If you please, madam, to the point.

[Hattie Annis]

I'll get there. False death. That's good coffee.

[Nero Wolfe]

Yeah, it is.

[Hattie Annis]

The ground floor is the parlor and nobody goes in there much since my mother died two years ago. But once a week I go in and I take a look around. When I went in yesterday, a mouse run out from under the piano and went in back of the bookshelf. You believe a mouse can run up a woman's leg?

[Archie Goodwin]

No.

[Hattie Annis]

No. Neither do I.

[Archie Goodwin]

No.

[Hattie Annis]

So? So I got my umbrella from the hole and I poke around behind the shelves, but he didn't come up.

[Archie Goodwin]

Must we listen to a Beatrix Potter tail?

[Hattie Annis]

So I took some books out and in back of them was a little package I'd never seen before.

[Archie Goodwin]

Aha.

[Hattie Annis]

And I opened it and that's what I brought.

[Nero Wolfe]

It's under the sofa, sir. I'll get it.

[Hattie Annis]

We can spot split the reward three ways. You, me and Buster here. Open it, Buster.

[Nero Wolfe]

All twenties, Mr. Wolf.

[Archie Goodwin]

How much?

[Nero Wolfe]

Two inches. 250 to the inch.

[Archie Goodwin]

That would make it about $10,000. Very tidy, madam. It belongs in the hands of the police.

[Hattie Annis]

Hey, no, you don't. You take it to the cops and goodbye. Listen, whoever drove that car knew I had it and tried to kill me.

[Nero Wolfe]

I'll get it all Of a sudden. Grand Central Station. Yes, sir.

[Archie Goodwin]

My name is Albert Leach, U.S. treasury Department, Secret Service Division. Here's my badge.

[Nero Wolfe]

Uh huh. That checks out.

[Archie Goodwin]

I'd like to speak with Mr. Wolf and Mr. Goodwin.

[Nero Wolfe]

Um, Mr. Wolf isn't available. I'm Mr. Goodwin.

[Archie Goodwin]

Want to ask about a woman named Baxter. She here?

[Nero Wolfe]

Around 25, 5ft 4, light brown hair, 120 pounds. Fur coat. That's it. No.

[Archie Goodwin]

What do you mean no?

[Nero Wolfe]

She's not here.

[Archie Goodwin]

Then how do you know?

[Nero Wolfe]

She was here this morning for about 10 minutes.

[Archie Goodwin]

Has she been back?

[Nero Wolfe]

No.

[Archie Goodwin]

Another woman. Hattie Annis. She been here?

[Nero Wolfe]

You know, Mr. Leech, I don't mind being polite, but what the hell. Mr. Wolf is a licensed private detective and so am I. We don't answer miscellaneous questions just to pass the time. I've heard of HATTIE ANNIS Because Ms. Baxter asked if she'd been here and I told her no. She asked me to phone her if she came, but I probably won't.

[Archie Goodwin]

I'm an officer of the law, Goodwood, and an agent of the US Government.

[Nero Wolfe]

As I said, that checked out. I want to know if Hattie Annis has been here today. Why don't you ask her? Ms. Baxter gave me the phone number. Here. You want it?

[Archie Goodwin]

I have it. I know your reputation, Goodwin and Wolf's.

[Nero Wolfe]

Sir.

[Archie Goodwin]

You may get away with a few.

[Nero Wolfe]

Fancy tricks with the New York City.

[Archie Goodwin]

Police Department, but I advise you not to try any with the Secret Service. We'll be seeing you.

[Nero Wolfe]

Hold everything, Mr. Wolf. Those bills are counterfeit.

[Archie Goodwin]

Yes, we know that.

[Nero Wolfe]

You do? How'd you find out?

[Archie Goodwin]

Ms. Annis just told me.

[Nero Wolfe]

So you knew they were phonies?

[Hattie Annis]

Of course. Why would he hide real money in my parlor? And why would I bring it to Nero Wolf?

[Archie Goodwin]

How did you find out? Archie?

[Nero Wolfe]

That was a T man at the door.

[Hattie Annis]

A what man?

[Nero Wolfe]

A T man. A Secret Service agent of the U.S. treasury. That's their job. Counterfeiters. He wanted to know if a woman named Baxter was here this morning.

[Hattie Annis]

Tammy Baxter. Tammy Baxter was here?

[Nero Wolfe]

That's right. And he wanted to know if you were here too. And I insulted him, so he left.

[Archie Goodwin]

You insulted a T man? Why didn't you show him in?

[Nero Wolfe]

And have her accuse me of substituting for for the real money she walked in here with?

[Hattie Annis]

Hey, what did you say?

[Archie Goodwin]

Call the Secret Service at once, Archie, and tell them it's here. If Ms. Annis leaves before they arrive, keep the package and give her a receipt. Good day, madam. And please don't get after.

[Hattie Annis]

Don't you, madam. Me?

[Nero Wolfe]

You mean that?

[Hattie Annis]

Call the cops and hand it over.

[Archie Goodwin]

Not the cops, Ms. Annis, the secret Service. I have a responsibility as a citizen. Counterfeit money is contraband. I can't let you walk out with me.

[Hattie Annis]

I'll get up when I like and I'll walk out when I like. Steady boot liquor.

[Nero Wolfe]

Here, let me help you.

[Hattie Annis]

Great. Detective Nero. Well, just a flunky for the cop. Hey, if full staff was here, I'd apologize.

[Archie Goodwin]

Madam, I cannot.

[Hattie Annis]

You can't glare me down. This lady is gonna talk now. Don't you touch me.

[Nero Wolfe]

Bus, take it easy.

[Hattie Annis]

You know better. Thinking I pull a switch on you, it may be counterfeit money, but it's not your counterfeit money, it's mine. I find that stuff in my house. I'd rather burn it than turn it over to the cops. So I think I'll get a detective to find out who put it there. So I go to Nero Wolf, and this is what happens. You want to suck up to the cops? I spit at you. I don't spit, but I spit at you.

[Archie Goodwin]

Ms. Annis, you have a point. I reject the charge of civility. But you have a point. As a private citizen, the right to. To confiscate contraband? I doubt it. That counterfeit money is yours until seized by public authority, which I am clearly not. I. I confess to error, but I was prompted by expediency, not sycophancy.

[Hattie Annis]

What?

[Archie Goodwin]

I merely wanted to get clear of the muddle. Now I offer a suggestion. Mr. Goodwin will put the bills in my safe and go with you to your house to investigate. You say you wanted to engage me to find the counterfeiter. Well, he will decide if that is feasible without an expensive inquiry. If it isn't, I return your property to you. But I'll notify the Secret Service that I am doing so. And in either case, I shall expect no fee.

[Hattie Annis]

We split the reward three ways.

[Archie Goodwin]

I have no interest in a reward. Archie, be good enough to escort Ms. Annis home.

[Hattie Annis]

Okay, there it is on the corner.

[Archie Goodwin]

Let's go.

[Nero Wolfe]

No, no, no. You wait for the green light. Can't you see that cop over there?

[Hattie Annis]

That's all they're good for, waving their arms.

[Nero Wolfe]

Okay, now we can go. Why do you hate cops, Hattie?

[Hattie Annis]

How? Don't you call me that. Not till I know I can trust you.

[Nero Wolfe]

Okay. Ms. Annis. Why do you hate cops?

[Hattie Annis]

My father. The cops shot him down, huh? No provocation. He was just in the way. Never even apologized. Said it was a mistake. Ah, mistake. That's all they ever make mistakes.

[Archie Goodwin]

I'm.

[Nero Wolfe]

I'm sorry I opened the wound. Listen, tell me about this Tammy Baxter. She must be involved somehow, because that.

[Hattie Annis]

Pea man, that could have been Tammy, Buster.

[Nero Wolfe]

Why not?

[Hattie Annis]

Well, she only has one suit, two dresses, three blouses, two skirts, and her fur coat was rabid. A counterfeiter would have had more clothes.

[Nero Wolfe]

I thought you said you never went into their rooms.

[Hattie Annis]

Well, only when they arrive here.

[Nero Wolfe]

When did she arrive?

[Hattie Annis]

Three weeks ago.

[Nero Wolfe]

What do you know about her?

[Hattie Annis]

I don't ask for references. I just size them up. You know what I mean? Hey, here we are. Come on in.

[Archie Goodwin]

Hattie, is that you?

[Hattie Annis]

Yeah, it's me.

[Archie Goodwin]

Where on earth have you been? Or above it.

[Nero Wolfe]

Or beneath.

[Archie Goodwin]

Without you, this house is a sepulcher. There are no oranges. Oh. Oh, how'd you do, sir?

[Hattie Annis]

Archie Goodwin. Raymond Dell. Mr. Dell plays Shakespeare.

[Nero Wolfe]

Oh, good for you, sir. Raymond Orange is here in the kitchen, Ray.

[Hattie Annis]

I went out and got some. Listen, Hattie, do you know where. Oh, Martha Kirk, Archie Goodwin, and what do you play?

[Nero Wolfe]

Juliet.

[Hattie Annis]

Thank you, kind sir, but I'm not ready for that yet. How do you know where Tammy is? Two phone calls. A man. No, I ain't seen her.

[Archie Goodwin]

Are you looking for a room, Mr. Goodwin?

[Hattie Annis]

Mr. Goodwin ain't in the theater, Raymond. He's a reporter. He come to write a magazine piece about me and my house. You mean we'll all be famous?

[Nero Wolfe]

Something like that.

[Hattie Annis]

Come on, Mr. Goodwin. He wants to see the house. I hope the beds are made.

[Nero Wolfe]

We'll see you both later.

[Hattie Annis]

Come and have brunch, Ray. How was that?

[Archie Goodwin]

Was that okay?

[Nero Wolfe]

Just fine. They're interested and that'll help. Is. Is this the part? Yeah.

[Hattie Annis]

I got the blinds down so it's dark. Hey, mind the sofa. I'll get the light.

[Nero Wolfe]

Oh, that's better. Hey, nice fire.

[Hattie Annis]

Here we are. Put the books back like they were, but everything else is just.

[Nero Wolfe]

Hold it.

[Hattie Annis]

What's the matter, Buster?

[Nero Wolfe]

Come here. Behind us over is easy.

[Hattie Annis]

Oh, my God, it's Tammy.

[Nero Wolfe]

Yeah.

[Hattie Annis]

Now you'll never get your name up in lights.

[Nero Wolfe]

Yes, me calling for Ms. Annis's house to report a complication. Went into the parlor to look at the bookshelf and found Tammy Baxter on the floor with a kitchen knife in her chest. The girl who came in this morning and the T man was interested in. I'm keeping my voice low because this phone is in the hall and there are people in the kitchen with the door open. I have my eye on it.

[Archie Goodwin]

Have you called the police, Ms. Annis?

[Nero Wolfe]

Won't, so I'll have to. I suppose I ought to contact Leech the T man.

[Archie Goodwin]

Why him?

[Nero Wolfe]

To tell him the lady whose health he was inquiring after is dead. But I need instructions. When I start answering questions, what do I save?

[Archie Goodwin]

Not again. Again what again?

[Hattie Annis]

You.

[Archie Goodwin]

Your talent for dancing merrily into a bog is extraordinary.

[Nero Wolfe]

I am not dancing and I am not married. It would be a nuisance to have to explain why we postpone reporting that counterfeit money. Oh, that I could omit the detail that we knew it was phony. At least until they find my fingerprints.

[Archie Goodwin]

On that woman has got us into the worst kind of.

[Nero Wolfe]

She says she's not going to see any cops and has locked herself in her room. Even if they break the door down, I doubt if they'll hear much. No one will get you 10. She won't even tell him where she went this morning. But if you prefer me to confess.

[Archie Goodwin]

That you obliterate the entire episode, confound the woman. Oh, all right. Omit that detail.

[Nero Wolfe]

Okay. Now I'll call the Marines. I know you, Goodwin, and I know Wolf. You say Wolf told her he wanted no fee and no reward, but he sent you here with her and you.

[Archie Goodwin]

Paid for the cab.

[Nero Wolfe]

Nuts. Inspector Kramer. I was just helping a nice old lady. Quit your clowning. It's nice to see you again too, Mr. Leech.

[Archie Goodwin]

I told you we'd meet again. Good one. I want to know. Look, I'm in charge here, Leech.

[Nero Wolfe]

Now, exactly when did you discover the body? I didn't look at my watch. That's a lie. With your training, you'd look automatically. Raymond Dell and Martha Kirk say you and Ms. Annis left the kitchen just after 1. And you call my office at 1:34 for half an hour. What were you doing? Getting Hattie Annis up to her room and talking her down off the ceiling so I could call you. She has a personal attitude toward cops. A cop shot her father. Yeah, 15 years ago. Hasn't she any sense? No. Oh, then I went to the john. Is that okay? No, it is not okay. You're getting into deep trouble, Goodwin.

[Archie Goodwin]

I warned you not to try any.

[Nero Wolfe]

Tricks with the Secret Service, Goodwin. That you did, Ms. Bleach. And at that very moment, when I.

[Archie Goodwin]

Was asking you if Hattyannis had been there, she was inside with Wolf. You just admitted it. You withheld information required by an agent of the federal government in the performance of his duty and you'll answer for it.

[Nero Wolfe]

I'll answer now. Why should I tell you anything about anybody. If you had any proper ground for asking me about Hattie Annis. You didn't mention it. She and I found a dead body in her house. And it's Inspector Kramer's job to catch murderers. And it's just possible there's a connection between the package Ms. Annis found and brought to Mr. Wolf. So I'll answer his questions. I can't think offhand of any question I owe you an answer to. You want to try? I'll pick the time. Good one.

[Archie Goodwin]

Not you, Inspector. I'll be in my office if you get anywhere with this bunch.

[Nero Wolfe]

Listen, Goodwin, we need your help here. What? Am I hearing you right, Inspector? Well, I'd love to help. Honestly. I bet. Did you tell that Annis woman to bolt herself in? No, I told you just like it happened.

[Archie Goodwin]

Yeah, well, she won't open the door. She won't open her trap.

[Nero Wolfe]

We don't want to smash the door unless. No, she's not my client, nor Mr. Wolf's. Yeah, but wouldn't she open the door if you asked her nice?

[Archie Goodwin]

Probably. Okay, ask her.

[Nero Wolfe]

Only if you and your men stay down here with the door shut. And I mean down here. Okay, Goodwin, it's a deal.

[Hattie Annis]

Who is it?

[Archie Goodwin]

Me, buster.

[Nero Wolfe]

Goodwin. I'm alone. Let me in. I want to ask you something.

[Hattie Annis]

Where are they?

[Nero Wolfe]

They're downstairs. Look, I'm not a flunky, okay?

[Hattie Annis]

Get in here quick.

[Nero Wolfe]

Thanks.

[Hattie Annis]

Hey, you might have brought me something to eat. You're no good.

[Nero Wolfe]

Well, if I'm no good, why'd you let me in?

[Hattie Annis]

Because I thought you had something to eat.

[Nero Wolfe]

Actually, if I wasn't any good, would I bother to come and tell you to stay away from that door? Because they're gonna bust it in.

[Hattie Annis]

No, they won't.

[Nero Wolfe]

Why won't they?

[Hattie Annis]

Because they know they do all shoot.

[Nero Wolfe]

You've got a gun.

[Hattie Annis]

No, but they don't know that.

[Nero Wolfe]

May I have permission to call you Hattie?

[Hattie Annis]

No, not till I see what happens.

[Nero Wolfe]

Okay, Ms. Annis. Now here's a gem. If Inspector Kramer and his football squad have to smash that door down to get at you, it's an absolute certainty they'll take you downtown and hold you as a material witness.

[Hattie Annis]

A witness to what?

[Nero Wolfe]

They're investigating a murder that occurred in your house and you're a suspect. Whereas if you let them in polit.

[Hattie Annis]

Wait a minute. I'm a suspect?

[Archie Goodwin]

Sure.

[Nero Wolfe]

Now, when you came home to sew the button on your coat, you could have done it then.

[Hattie Annis]

You suspect me?

[Nero Wolfe]

Oh, no, of course not. Look, even If I'm no good, I'm not a half wit. They'll have to carry me, they will, and in handcuffs.

[Hattie Annis]

And they'll need them. All right, buster. I've never hired a detective before. You want me to sign something?

[Nero Wolfe]

Who are you hiring, Ms. Annis?

[Hattie Annis]

I'm hiring you. Call me Hattie.

[Nero Wolfe]

Thank you, but you can't hire me. I work for Nero Wolf.

[Hattie Annis]

Damn him.

[Archie Goodwin]

To do what?

[Hattie Annis]

What? To show the cops. To make them wish they'd never set foot in my house. To make them eat dirt.

[Nero Wolfe]

He wouldn't take the job if you hired him to investigate the murder. He might fill your order on the side, but I. I doubt if you could afford it.

[Hattie Annis]

I'll pay him $42,000 and that ought to be enough.

[Nero Wolfe]

What do you sell besides the house? The yacht?

[Hattie Annis]

Now don't try to be funny, buster. It's in tax exempt bonds in the bank. You want me to sign something or not?

[Nero Wolfe]

That's not necessary. Now that I can call you Hattie. All right. You may not be available later today, so we'll leave it that you have hired Nero Wolf to investigate the murder. Now, if he doesn't take the job.

[Hattie Annis]

Why wouldn't he take the job?

[Nero Wolfe]

Because he's a genius and he's eccentric and geniuses don't have to have reasons. Now, you leave the door unbolted and I'll tell Kramer.

[Hattie Annis]

I will not. If they break in that door, they'll pay for it, buster.

[Nero Wolfe]

Okay, okay. You have it your way, Hattie. And before I go, I might as well start earning that 42 grand. You got a stamp pad in that desk?

[Hattie Annis]

Yeah. What for?

[Nero Wolfe]

Your fingerprints, Hattie. All 10. One of the rules in our house is no business dog at meals. And another is no business in the orchid rooms except in emergencies. There being no emergency except deciding whether he was going to work the or not. Nero Wolf took my report. Not in the plant rooms with their dazzling color, but in the potting room next door. Theodore was washing pots in the sink.

[Archie Goodwin]

Theodore, you must be very careful of this beauty. Don't plant her too deeply. Right. Now then, Archie, to your report.

[Nero Wolfe]

Thank you, sir. The main thing is I'm pretty sure Hattie Annis is on the level.

[Archie Goodwin]

You mean she's innocent of that girl's murder?

[Nero Wolfe]

I think so.

[Archie Goodwin]

On what grounds?

[Nero Wolfe]

She couldn't possibly have been faking. When we discovered the body, first she said to the corpse, right now, you'll never get your name up in lights.

[Archie Goodwin]

Well, sentimental, but you're right. I doubt if she's Capable of inventing it.

[Nero Wolfe]

Then she says, oh, no, that's the kitchen knife. Well, I mean, you know. How corny can you get, huh? No, I'd never try to predict what the lady was going to do. But I know what she didn't do. She didn't kill Tammy Baxter.

[Archie Goodwin]

But what's the connection? Then? What had the Baxter girl to do with Hattie Annis's case? Counterfeit bills?

[Nero Wolfe]

I don't know. But there's got to be one. Because I called Kramer and Leach separately and they both turned up at the house together.

[Archie Goodwin]

Coincidence?

[Nero Wolfe]

No, sir. They'd been talking. Planned a little campaign for handling yours.

[Archie Goodwin]

Truly, I must say. Kramer and Leach. Neither of them asking if you knew the money was counterfeited. It's an insult to your intelligence and mine.

[Nero Wolfe]

My guess is Leech told Kramer not to mention it. Because what Leech wants to find is a source he'd rather catch. An inquiry braver than a murderer any day. And if counterfeiting was mentioned to me, I might mention it to someone else. Like a reporter.

[Archie Goodwin]

God knows I wouldn't put it past you. Oh, thank you, Theodore. Splendidly potted. Oh, yes. Let me hold a little. Beauty. All right. On, Archie. On next.

[Nero Wolfe]

Tammy Baxter was a tea woman.

[Archie Goodwin]

A tea woman?

[Nero Wolfe]

Well, you have tea men, you can have tea women. Oh, when Leech was here this morning, why didn't he ask me what Tammy Baxter told me? Because he knew she'd already reported to him. Also, he knew the phone number of that house. Said so. And Kramer. Why wasn't he more interested in my talk with Tammy only an hour before she was murdered? Because he already knew from Leech.

[Archie Goodwin]

Then she'd been posted in that house by the secret police.

[Nero Wolfe]

What else? Someone who lived there was passing bad money. If they knew who, they'd know who killed Baxter. So I figured they don't.

[Archie Goodwin]

Oh, it's one of the four rumors. Is that in?

[Nero Wolfe]

They all use the kitchen knife. Raymond Dell, who's an old ham. And then there's Noel Ferris. He's a young, sensitive type. Paul Hannah, a character juvenile from Central Casting. And Martha Kirk, who has 20 year old dimples and a nice smile.

[Archie Goodwin]

They work irregularly, but that's showbiz nonetheless. One or more may have an alibi.

[Nero Wolfe]

Jack. Oh, if Patty Annis is your client, you probably want to phone our lawyer since you don't like leaving your clients in the car.

[Archie Goodwin]

Lawyers cost money. Those bonds of hers may not exist. She's probably an indigent.

[Nero Wolfe]

Not a chance. She's my favorite screwball but she's not a liar. I'm in her debt. She made Kramer ask me a favor.

[Archie Goodwin]

No. All right, then call Parker. Have him get her out on bail.

[Nero Wolfe]

Fine. Now that's settled. I assume you don't intend to let go of your client's property unless a court orders you to. What property? The package, according to Kramer and Leech. We're not supposed to have guessed the bills are phony. I thought I'd try the package for fingerprints. Okay.

[Archie Goodwin]

No objection. But there'll be other prints than yours. Hers, for instance. How will you know them?

[Nero Wolfe]

I got hers before I left.

[Archie Goodwin]

You took her?

[Nero Wolfe]

There are seven good prints, 12 fair ones and 14 smudges. The only ones you can identify are mine and Hattie's. Either he wore gloves or he wiped it.

[Archie Goodwin]

Confound you, Archie.

[Nero Wolfe]

You dropped the file.

[Archie Goodwin]

Then pick it up. No, no, you look after it, Theodore. Oh, confound you, Archie. I say again, why ask permission for something you've already gone ahead and done?

[Nero Wolfe]

Because I had to know you'd taken her on as a client.

[Archie Goodwin]

Oh, phooey. Now what? Come. Excuse me, Mr. Wolf, but there's a party below wishing to see you. What party? Fritz, didn't you tell him I'm busy? Yes, sir. A message. Doe, Ferris and Hannah and Miss Kirk.

[Nero Wolfe]

All four of them.

[Archie Goodwin]

There's no limit. Did you invite the mache?

[Nero Wolfe]

No, sir. It's a surprise party.

[Archie Goodwin]

Perhaps you'd be good enough to explain this intrusion. Are you the spokesman, Mr. Hannah? No.

[Nero Wolfe]

Go ahead, Martha. This was your idea.

[Hattie Annis]

It was not part. It was Hattie's idea. Mr. Wolf. It's crazy, the idea that Hattie. Why, it's just crazy.

[Archie Goodwin]

It may well be, Ms. Kirk. Mr. Ferris, what is she talking about?

[Nero Wolfe]

She means the idea that Hattie killed Tammy Baxter. It was Hattie's idea that we should come and see you. Crazy.

[Hattie Annis]

It is not. No right, Raymond.

[Archie Goodwin]

Idiot children snapping and yapping in the face of tragedy. Oh, shut up, Raymond.

[Nero Wolfe]

Death isn't tragedy.

[Hattie Annis]

Life is tragic.

[Archie Goodwin]

It isn't life or death. Was it Ms. Annis's idea that the four of you should come and expound philosophy to me? Ms. Kirk, do I gather she spoke with you?

[Hattie Annis]

I was coming downstairs and they were carrying her out and she saw me and said she had hired you and Mr. Goodwin to make the cops eat dirt and we had to come and tell you everything we told the cops.

[Nero Wolfe]

They were carrying her literally bodily?

[Archie Goodwin]

Yes.

[Hattie Annis]

Two men.

[Archie Goodwin]

Had they forced the door of her room?

[Hattie Annis]

Yes.

[Archie Goodwin]

Possibly actionable. For the record, Ms. Annis is my client. But my job is not what she said. It's to investigate the murder committed in her house.

[Nero Wolfe]

It was committed by a sex maniac. Twice last week, a man followed Tammy right to the door. Well, I offered to ambush him, but she said no. If he did it again, she'd handle him. She would too, sir.

[Archie Goodwin]

Lochinvar. Hannah. Damn clever.

[Nero Wolfe]

These sex maniacs must have had a.

[Archie Goodwin]

Set of keys and known exactly where.

[Nero Wolfe]

To find the kitchen knife. You keep harping on that, Noel. I identified it because anyone could.

[Hattie Annis]

With that nick in it, I did.

[Archie Goodwin]

Oh, God, the thought that the knife.

[Hattie Annis]

I'd use so often to slice tomatoes.

[Archie Goodwin]

Spare us your sensitivity, Noel. We came here to serve a friend in whose debt we are not to prattle. We know that Hattie was not herself. We cannot judge her. We can only ask, what can we do or say to help her?

[Hattie Annis]

Hattie said we should tell Mr. Wolfe everything we talked.

[Archie Goodwin]

That may not be necessary. When four people are conversing in my presence and I know that one of them committed murder less than 12 hours ago, I'd be a dope to get no inkling at all.

[Hattie Annis]

You know it was one of us. How?

[Archie Goodwin]

Not by an inkling, Mr. Ferris. There is the knife and there is my conviction, on grounds to satisfy me that Ms. Annis didn't use it. Three of you came here to help a friend.

[Hattie Annis]

We all.

[Archie Goodwin]

No. One of you came because you didn't dare to refuse. Nor will that one dare to refuse to answer my questions and thus expose himself or herself. If I fail, it'll be because I haven't asked the right questions and I don't intend to fail. Mr. Dell, have you paid your room rent for the past three months? That's not the kind of question the police ask. No, but it's the kind of question I ask. Have you? You could just as well ask Hattie. I have paid no rent for three years. She has asked for none. Ms. Kirk, does the question embarrass you?

[Hattie Annis]

No, I've been there a year and.

[Archie Goodwin]

Pay $5 a week from current income.

[Hattie Annis]

I haven't any. I'm attending a ballet school. I get a monthly check from my father.

[Archie Goodwin]

I see, Mr. Ferris.

[Nero Wolfe]

Well, I. I haven't figured it out.

[Archie Goodwin]

I pay her whatever I can when I can. I've been there for 18 months. A little TV, a stage show, that lot. I take it you are a trifle behind, Mr. Hannah.

[Nero Wolfe]

I'm taking no dare. You say you know one of us killed Ms. Baxter, but I don't believe you. Whoever killed her got into the house somehow and used the knife. Anyone coulda. I ain't taking no dare.

[Archie Goodwin]

Your spunk is impressive, Mr. Hannah, but are you here to oblige your friend or to show off your conceit?

[Nero Wolfe]

I've been there for four months and I paid every week. That proves something, for God's sake, that.

[Archie Goodwin]

You are not a pauper. Now, Ms. Kirk, for what you have told the police, one detail only. Where were you this morning?

[Hattie Annis]

I slept in till about 11, got up and did my exercises in my room. About a quarter after 12 I came down, saw there were no oranges and went out and got some. I wasn't gone more than 10 minutes. I was cooking up some breakfast when Hattie came in with Mr. Goodwin and said she.

[Archie Goodwin]

That's far enough, thank you. Did you see any of the others this morning?

[Hattie Annis]

No, not till Ray came to have breakfast. Brunch.

[Archie Goodwin]

Mr. Dell, I know you came downstairs when Ms. Annis entered the house with Mr. Goodwin, right, Archie?

[Nero Wolfe]

That's right, sir.

[Archie Goodwin]

And before that, Mr. Dell? Nothing. I was asleep. Then how did you know there were no oranges? What? Oh, well, I read late Sophocles, Oedipus Rex. As a matter of fact, about 5:00 I wanted an orange. There weren't any in the kitchen so I went back up to my room. At night you read. How do you spend your afternoons? What's that got to do with it? I'll be the judge. Oh, all right. I babysit you what? I have a painter friend by name Max Ada who lives in an east side tenement. His wife is Dead, he has two small children. From 2 to 7pm I am their reluctant keeper. Are you happier knowing my shame? What is Mr. Ada's address? Oh, this approach is lunacy. His address is 314 Mission Street. Thank you, Mr. Hannah. Since I'm now only asking for what you've already told the police, I hope you won't be provoked.

[Nero Wolfe]

You do? Like hell. I left the house a little after 9 o'clock and spent a couple hours around the west side docks.

[Archie Goodwin]

What are you doing around the docks, Joaquin?

[Nero Wolfe]

I'm playing alongshoreman in the show at the Mushroom Theater. Then I hopped a bus downtown. I got to the theater just before 12. We just started rehearsing when a guy comes up to me and flashes a badge and takes me in for questioning.

[Archie Goodwin]

Where is the Mushroom Theater?

[Nero Wolfe]

Bowie Street.

[Archie Goodwin]

Do you have a leading role in the play?

[Nero Wolfe]

No.

[Archie Goodwin]

How many lines have you?

[Nero Wolfe]

Not many. In small part. Hey, look, I'm just starting out, okay?

[Archie Goodwin]

Yes. And you, Mr. Ferris?

[Nero Wolfe]

You know, when the questions the cops asked me made me realize I was. I was actually suspected of murder. And I also realized I had no alibi. It looked pretty dark, Mr. Wolf.

[Archie Goodwin]

I thought maybe the others had solid.

[Nero Wolfe]

Alibis and could prove it. So I feel a lot better now. So I thank you, Mr. Wolf. Well, actually I left the house a.

[Archie Goodwin]

Little after 10 and called at four different agencies. Two of them might remember I was there. But what kind of agency?

[Nero Wolfe]

Casting.

[Archie Goodwin]

Theater and tv. You visit them daily? About twice a week, the other five days. How do you pass the time? Two days, sometimes three. I make horses and kangaroos and other animals. I go to work and model them and make molds. I get $8 for a squirrel, 20 for a giraffe. Where is this work room?

[Nero Wolfe]

In the rear of a shop on First Avenue.

[Hattie Annis]

Harry.

[Nero Wolfe]

Zoo, it's called. The owner is Harry Arkazy.

[Hattie Annis]

He has a 16 year old daughter as beautiful as the rosy dawn nut she is.

[Archie Goodwin]

Her name is A Long Cat. This is not a comedy, Mr. Ferris. I engaged to act for Miss Anna's only five hours ago and I. I haven't arranged my mind so. My questions may be at random, but they are not frivolous. Now that I have seen and heard all of you, I am better prepared. I bid you good night and leave Ms. Annis to thank you three of you for coming. The fourth will begin to feel the pinch.

[Nero Wolfe]

After I showed them out, I got back to Wolf in his office. He was leaning back with his eyes closed, a sure sign that he was anything but asleep. Then he opened them and shot me an order.

[Archie Goodwin]

Get Saul and Fred and Ari at 8 in the morning in my room.

[Nero Wolfe]

Then he shut his eyes again. It's no use asking why. He wanted to bring in the three best operatives south of the North Pole to the tune of a couple of hundred dollars a day plus expenses. But Wolf doesn't waste dough like that on a mere inkling. I never did get to find out why. Because at 7:30 the next morning Leech the T man turned up with a federal court order. He wanted the package. What the hell. I gave it to him, he gave me a receipt and Kramer arrived with a state court order to pick it up as evidence in a murder case. All I could do was show him the receipt from Leach and suggest they split it half and half. Kramer became undignified. Damn you, Goodwin. Did you know that money was counterfeit? I told him point blank no and felt better. It's always a relief to get a lie off. Your chest. But ten minutes after he left, I got a phone call. An invitation I couldn't receive. Refused to have coffee with the district attorney before it got cold.

[Archie Goodwin]

Good one. This is serious. Maybe the most serious trouble you've ever been in.

[Nero Wolfe]

It's up against stiff competition, sir.

[Archie Goodwin]

And I think you'll find it in your interest to overcome your tendency to crack wise.

[Nero Wolfe]

Yes, sir. We shall overcome.

[Archie Goodwin]

You dispose of evidence in a murder case.

[Nero Wolfe]

I have.

[Archie Goodwin]

You deliberately arranged for Mr. Leech to beat Inspector Kramer to that package?

[Nero Wolfe]

I did. But Leech asked for it first, that's all.

[Archie Goodwin]

And I don't suppose you have any idea why the Secret Service was interested in that package.

[Nero Wolfe]

He kept me there for eight hours. Didn't learn a thing. What I learned was that they hadn't got anything out of Hattie Anna's either. They let her out on bail as a material witness. I figured Parker, the lawyer, would have taken her back to Wolf's. So that was where I hightailed it. I also had dinner in mind, but I didn't have any in mind. Was another surprise party.

[Archie Goodwin]

I think you know everybody, archie. Inspector Kramer. Mr. Leach from Treasury. Ms. Annis. Her board is Mr. Dell, Mr. Hannah, Mr. Ferris and Ms. Kirk. And of course, Sergeant Stebbins at the door.

[Nero Wolfe]

Happy Thanksgiving. Or whatever. I hope I didn't interrupt.

[Archie Goodwin]

You already have.

[Nero Wolfe]

Thank you. Okay, Wolf, we didn't come here just to hear you.

[Archie Goodwin]

Oh, yes, you did. Well, if you got something, let's have it. You know well enough I have something, Mr. Kramer, or you wouldn't have come.

[Nero Wolfe]

You told me on the phone that you had a stroke of luck.

[Archie Goodwin]

I did have, but I invited it. I knew where to send the invitation. In fact, I sent invitations to three different addresses by special messengers. An east side tenement, a shop on First Avenue and a building on Bowie street which houses a theater.

[Nero Wolfe]

I'm damned if I know what you're talking about.

[Archie Goodwin]

You don't, but the others do. Those places sound familiar, Ms. Kirk?

[Hattie Annis]

Yes, they do.

[Archie Goodwin]

The tenement, Mr. Dell, is where you. Well, shall I use your word? Babysit if you must. And the shop, Harry Zoo. If I remember correctly, Mr. Ferris, is where you worked between engagements. The work is very artistic. I did not say otherwise. And the theater? In the building on Bowie Street. Mr. Hannib, your stamping ground, I believe.

[Nero Wolfe]

You know I played there.

[Archie Goodwin]

I told you. Indian.

[Nero Wolfe]

Okay, okay.

[Archie Goodwin]

So where did you have this stroke of luck? In a sense, at all three addresses. But my expectation was centered on one of them. When my expectation was realized, I Was faced with a question whether to notify you, Inspector, or to notify Mr. Leech. And preferring not to choose, I asked both of you to come along with the others. Ms. Annis, my client was already here.

[Hattie Annis]

Damn right I'm here.

[Archie Goodwin]

Yes, you, Ms. Kirk, Mr. Dell and Mr. Ferris had a right to be present. And as for you, Mr. Hannah, since you're both a counterfeiter and a murderer, that's a lie. Hold it, Hannah. Hey, you. Let go of me. Are you arresting him, Mr. Leach?

[Nero Wolfe]

No. Mr. Kramer, are you? Nobody's arresting me, Beck. Go sit down, Hannah. You're under arrest as a material witness in the murder of Tamirs Baxter.

[Archie Goodwin]

Watch that door, Sergeant. That's prudent, Inspector, since I have no conclusive evidence. Only talking to these people last night I had faint intimations, Ms. Kirk.

[Hattie Annis]

What about me?

[Archie Goodwin]

Unlikely. You go to ballet school. You exercise each morning and receive a monthly remittance from your father. All of which can be checked. Mr. Dell. Have I done something wrong? Yes. You paid no rent for three years, Mr. Ferris. I knew you'd get around to me. An interesting possibility. But your statement that two of the agencies you visited yesterday morning might corroborate your whereabouts makes it improbable that you followed Ms. Annis here at the same time.

[Nero Wolfe]

So what?

[Archie Goodwin]

So, Inspector, my attention centered on Mr. Hannah. He lived there only four months. He paid for his room every week. He had almost certainly lied when he said Ms. Baxter had told him a man twice followed her to the door. Miss Baxter was an agent of the Secret Service of the Treasury Department. Who said so? No one, Mr. Leech. Mr. Goodwin inferred it. Didn't you, Mr. Goodwin?

[Nero Wolfe]

Well, I ran it up the old flagpole.

[Archie Goodwin]

Listen, Goodwin. You have carried discretion to an extreme, Mr. Leech, in concealing your interest in the occupants of that house. What I told him finally. Mr. Hannah's account of his movements yesterday left him completely free up to noon. He could have followed Ms. Annis here, then back to her house, stolen a car, and when she left the house a second time, tried to run her over, thinking she still had the incriminating package. Well, he failed. So that's of little consequence now.

[Nero Wolfe]

Damn little consequence in anything you've said so far.

[Archie Goodwin]

Oh, I could speculate further. Did he kill Miss Baxter because she'd seen him try to kill Ms. Annis? Because the car she was certainly in the neighborhood. And perhaps confronted him when he returned to the house? Well, it's your job, Inspector, not mind to screw a confession out of him. I've got nothing to confess. You're gonna regret this, Wolf.

[Nero Wolfe]

You're gonna regret it.

[Archie Goodwin]

Good. I think not, Mr. Hatter. Following my speculations, I sent three men to three addresses. Sol Panther here, who leaves less to luck than any man I know, went to the Mushroom Theater. Three times he phoned a report and the third time asked for reinforcements. In a word, he'd nosed around, abetted by the superintendent whose palm he oiled, and discovered that the third floor of the old building was occupied by a job printing shop with two presses and the usual engraving equipment. I gather there was a fight. As you may observe from Mr. Pancer's blackened right eye. The two printers were at length subdued and tied up and now lie under the devoted surveillance of Fred Durkin and Ori Cather.

[Nero Wolfe]

That's breaking and entering, aggravated by assault.

[Archie Goodwin]

Unless you got the evidence. Oh, I have Mr. Kramer in behind stacks of paper. On one of the shelves, Mr. Panzer found eight stacks of new $20 bills. And in a compartment in back of a cupboard are four engravers plates that were probably used to make them. And one of the printers, Mr. Panzer, is prepared to swear. Aren't you? Mr. Panzer said to his mate the words, I told you Paul would squeal. I believe, Mr. Hannah, your first name is Paul.

[Nero Wolfe]

I'll get you woke. Grab him, Sergeant. Hold it right there, Hannah.

[Archie Goodwin]

So, gentlemen, I was faced with a dilemma. Since he was both a counterfeiter and a murderer, I leave up to you Mr. Leech, who has the priority. But since Mr. Kramer seems to have him under arrest.

[Hattie Annis]

You see, Falstaff, I told you, don't trust the cops.

[Nero Wolfe]

One day, three weeks later, Wolf and I were in the office disagreeing about something when we had a visit from Hattie Annis. She opened her handbag and took out a little package wrapped in brown paper. And we both thought, good Lord, she's found another one. But she put it to one side and brought out an envelope.

[Hattie Annis]

This check you sent me. Your letter says it's for my share of the reward. A hundred dollars. Did you keep your share?

[Nero Wolfe]

Yes.

[Hattie Annis]

Did you get yours, buster?

[Nero Wolfe]

Oh, sure. Yeah.

[Hattie Annis]

Yeah. Well, I don't believe either of you and this bill. $5,000 for services and $621.65 for expenses. Buster, didn't I say I'd pay $42,000?

[Nero Wolfe]

I guess you did. Yeah.

[Hattie Annis]

Then here it is.

[Nero Wolfe]

Hey, last time. Funny money this time. Bonds.

[Archie Goodwin]

Oh, I. I cannot accept these, Ms. Anna.

[Hattie Annis]

Oh, you can call me Hattie Falstaff. I've held out of these Bonds since my father died. First time I ever signed them over. But it was worth every dollar of that 42,000 to see you beat that Inspector Kramer at his own game. I didn't like what I saw in the paper where that no good Paul Hannah had confessed. I got no use for nobody that confesses to to the cops. But you. You too made the meat dead. You gave me the best day of my life.

[Archie Goodwin]

Thank you, Miss Alice.

[Nero Wolfe]

Hattie.

[Archie Goodwin]

Hattie.

[Nero Wolfe]

Yeah.

[Archie Goodwin]

Archie. I think a trust fund might be in order so that Hattie may have even better days to come. Starring in today's episode were Maver Moore as Nero Wilf, Don Franks as Archie Goodwin and Cease Linder as Inspector Kramer. Joy Cogill was Hattie Annis, Brent Carver, Paul Hammond, Gilly Fennec, Raymond Dell, Lynn.

[Nero Wolfe]

Griffin, Martha Kirk, Sandy Webster Leach, Nikki.

[Archie Goodwin]

Guadagny, Tammy Baxter, Peter Blay, Noel Ferris and Frank Perry was Fritz. Music was composed and conducted by Don Gillis. Technical operations, John Jessup. Sound effects, Bill Robinson. Production assistant was Bill. Nancy McElveen and casting consultant Anne Weldon Tate. Counterfeit for Murder was written by Alan.

[Nero Wolfe]

Osborne and produced and directed in Toronto.

[Archie Goodwin]

By Ron Hartman next week. Meet tina and carl.

[Nero Wolfe]

Mr. Goodwin. Policemen asking questions has different effect on different people, right? If you have a country like this one and you are innocent of crime.

[Archie Goodwin]

All the people of your country are.

[Nero Wolfe]

Saying with you when you answer the questions. But two people alone can't answer policeman's.

[Archie Goodwin]

Questions anywhere in the world.

[Nero Wolfe]

Takes it whole country to speak to policemen. And Tina and I, we don't have it One.

[Archie Goodwin]

The country we had once, it is no longer a country. It is just a place to wait to die.

[Nero Wolfe]

Who killed the cop in the barbershop?

[Archie Goodwin]

And who tried to kill the pretty manicurist?

[Hattie Annis]

I started to scream, but it was too late.

[Nero Wolfe]

What started you to scream? Seeing him, hearing him.

[Hattie Annis]

It was both. I was sitting in the customer's chair with my back to the door. I was just sitting there trying to think, you know?

[Nero Wolfe]

I know.

[Hattie Annis]

And then there was this little noise behind me, like a stealthy step. And I looked up and I saw him reflected in the glass right behind me with his arm raised. And I started to scream, but before. Before I could get it out, he struck, Right?

[Nero Wolfe]

You were. You were sitting in the chair, this chair with your back to the door like this, right?

[Hattie Annis]

That's it. I was thinking like.

[Nero Wolfe]

You saw his reflection in that crinkly glass partition there?

[Hattie Annis]

Yeah.

[Nero Wolfe]

And you recognized him?

[Hattie Annis]

Yeah.

[Nero Wolfe]

The glass is crinkly. Be hard to get a clear reflection. You're sure you recognized him?

[Hattie Annis]

Well, of course I'm sure. That's why I wouldn't speak to them. That's why I had to see you.

[Nero Wolfe]

Why did you have to see me?

[Hattie Annis]

Because of who it was.

[Nero Wolfe]

Who was it? It was that one with the big.

[Hattie Annis]

Ears and the gold tooth. One they call Stens. Or they call him Sergeant.

[Nero Wolfe]

Are you telling me that Sergeant Stens hit you with that one?

[Archie Goodwin]

Next week, Rex Stouts, the Cop Killer. With guest stars Jackie Burrows, Marian waldman and Arch McDonald.