Old Gold Comedy Theater 44-10-29 01 The Palm Beach Story

Summary

Podcast Summary: Old Gold Comedy Theater 44-10-29 01 The Palm Beach Story

Release Date: February 9, 2025
Host: Harold Lloyd
Featuring: Claudette Colbert and Robert Young

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Introduction

In this episode of Old Gold Comedy Theater, hosted by Harold Lloyd, listeners are transported back to the Golden Age of Radio with the delightful performances of Claudette Colbert and Robert Young in the episode titled "The Palm Beach Story." The episode masterfully blends comedic timing, witty dialogues, and engaging storytelling, characteristic of the beloved radio shows before the advent of television.

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Setting the Scene

The story revolves around Tom Jeffers (Robert Young) and his wife Jerry Jeffers (Claudette Colbert), a financially struggling couple navigating the challenges of everyday life in Palm Beach. Their relationship is tested when a generous yet mysterious old man gifts Jerry an unexpected sum of $700, leading to a series of misunderstandings and comedic mishaps.

Notable Quote:

• Claudette Colbert [03:21]: "Was that unusual?"
• Robert Young [03:22]: "We find you at the beginning of the story browbeating your wife just because a nice old man gave your wife $700, huh?"

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The Gift and Its Consequences

The plot thickens as Jerry receives $700 from a kind-hearted elderly gentleman. While Tom uses the money to cover various expenses—rent, groceries, insurance, and even indulges in personal luxuries—Jerry remains perplexed by the generous act, questioning its motive and the old man's intentions.

Notable Quote:

• Claudette Colbert [05:09]: "Is that so? He just. $700, just like that?"
• Robert Young [05:10]: "Yes. Oh, no reason."

The couple's differing perspectives on the gift spark tension. Tom views it as an opportunity for a fresh start, while Jerry grapples with the underlying reasons behind the old man's generosity.

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Misunderstandings and Misadventures

As the story unfolds, Tom and Jerry encounter John D. Hackensacker III (John D. Hackensacker III), the wealthy and eccentric brother of their acquaintance, Princess Chant Amelia. Tom's attempts to navigate the complexities of Palm Beach society lead to humorous exchanges and unexpected alliances.

Notable Quote:

• Claudette Colbert [10:55]: "So, Jerry Jeffers, you went to Palm Beach. How did you get there?"
• Robert Young [10:55]: "It was really very simple. Any girl could tell you how to do it. You just stand in front of the gate marked Florida Special."

The interactions with Hackensacker introduce a subplot involving the financing of Tom's ambitious invention—a suspended airport designed to revolutionize urban transportation.

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Romantic Entanglements and Comedic Tension

The episode delves into the personal lives of the characters, highlighting the strained relationship between Tom and Jerry. Tom's fear of divorce and Jerry's entrepreneurial spirit create a dynamic blend of romance and comedy. Their dialogues are peppered with playful banter and heartfelt moments, culminating in a humorous yet touching resolution.

Notable Quote:

• Claudette Colbert [27:14]: "Do you love me?"
• Robert Young [27:15]: "Yes, darling, I love you. I love you. I love you."

This exchange underscores the enduring love between Tom and Jerry, even amidst financial strains and societal pressures.

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Climactic Revelations and Resolution

As the narrative progresses, Princess Chant Amelia introduces further complications with her charming demeanor and connections to John D. Hackensacker III. The interplay between the characters reaches a climax at a dance event, where plans for the airport project take shape, and personal relationships are solidified.

Notable Quote:

• John D. Hackensacker III [21:53]: "You know, Geraldine, I've never been so happy before in my life."

The episode concludes with the successful pairing of the characters, both professionally and personally, setting the stage for future endeavors and reinforcing the theme of love and collaboration overcoming adversity.

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Conclusion

"The Palm Beach Story" is a quintessential example of the charm and wit that defined Old Time Radio comedies. Through stellar performances by Claudette Colbert and Robert Young, coupled with Harold Lloyd's engaging hosting, the episode offers listeners a nostalgic yet timeless tale of love, misunderstandings, and the pursuit of happiness. The seamless integration of humor with heartfelt moments makes this episode a memorable addition to the Old Gold Comedy Theater series.

Key Takeaways:

• Character Dynamics: The evolving relationship between Tom and Jerry showcases the complexities of marriage under financial stress, portrayed with humor and depth.
• Humorous Dialogues: The witty exchanges between characters add levity and entertainment, staying true to the comedic roots of the Golden Age of Radio.
• Engaging Plot: The intertwining subplots involving rich characters like John D. Hackensacker III enrich the narrative, offering multiple layers of intrigue and amusement.
• Timeless Themes: Themes of love, trust, and overcoming adversity resonate across generations, making the story relatable even to contemporary audiences.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Claudette Colbert [03:21]: "Was that unusual?"
• Robert Young [05:10]: "Yes. Oh, no reason."
• Claudette Colbert [27:14]: "Do you love me?"
• Robert Young [27:15]: "Yes, darling, I love you. I love you. I love you."
• John D. Hackensacker III [21:53]: "You know, Geraldine, I've never been so happy before in my life."

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Final Thoughts

For listeners who relish classic radio dramas infused with comedy, "The Palm Beach Story" is a must-listen. Its engaging narrative, coupled with impeccable performances and humorous dialogues, encapsulates the essence of the Golden Age of Radio. Whether you're a longtime fan or new to Old Time Radio, this episode promises an entertaining and heartwarming experience.

Transcript

[Harold Lloyd]

This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace. You know, when you're really stressed or not feeling so great about your life or about yourself, talking to someone who understands can really help. But who is that person? How do you find them? Where do you even start? Talkspace. Talkspace makes it easy to get the support you need. With Talkspace, you can go online, answer a few questions about your preferences, and be matched with a therapist. And because you'll meet your therapist online, you don't have to take time off work or arrange childcare. You, you'll meet on your schedule wherever you feel most at ease. If you're depressed, stressed, struggling with a relationship, or if you want some counseling for you and your partner or just need a little extra one on one support, Talkspace is here for you. Plus, Talkspace works with most major insurers and most insured members have a zero dollar copay. No insurance, no problem. Now get $80 off of your first month with promo code SPACE80 when you go to talkspace.com match with a licensed therapist. Today at talkspace.com save $80 with code SPACE80@Talkspace.

[Bob Williams]

From Hollywood, California, the makers of Old Gold Cigarettes present the Comedy Theater, the only radio program that brings you every week the greatest stars in the greatest comedies. Tonight, the Palm Beach Story, starring Claudette Colbert and Robert Young.

[Claudette Colbert]

And now we have the honor of introducing. Oh, I beg your pardon, Claudette. I thought that was in my script.

[Robert Young]

Oh, that's quite all right. Bob, you've stolen my lines.

[Claudette Colbert]

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, darling. It's just that my eyes sometimes in this light.

[Robert Young]

I know. You have double vision.

[Claudette Colbert]

That's right.

[Robert Young]

I remember that time you tried to play both ends of the love scene. And also the dog that was sitting on my lap.

[Claudette Colbert]

Well, now, wait a minute, will you?

[Robert Young]

And then be the husband who came in and found us.

[Harold Lloyd]

Listen, I. Ladies and gentlemen, looks like I'll have to introduce myself. I mean.

[Robert Young]

Oh, no. Now you're almost as bad as Bob. Ladies and gentlemen, I have the greatest honor tonight of introducing to you for the first time on the air a man who has rocked the world with laughter, whose name is as familiar in Zanzibar as it is in Zanesville, Ohio, the inventor of the Horn Rim spectacle, the director and host of the Old Gold Comedy Theater. He was born a number of years ago.

[Harold Lloyd]

No, no, no. Excuse me, Claudette. Now, I appreciate what you're saying, but I'm really not running for the presidency. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Harold ll. Thank you. I'm delighted to be Here. And thank you, Claudette. Now then, let's get down to business. Bob, in the Palm Beach Story, which we are doing tonight, you play Tom Jeffers. Claudette plays Jerry Jeffers. You and Claudette are married, very broke and having a little argument.

[Claudette Colbert]

Was that unusual?

[Harold Lloyd]

We find you at the beginning of the story browbeating your wife just because. Because a nice old man gave your wife $700, huh?

[Claudette Colbert]

Did a nice old man ever give your wife $700?

[Harold Lloyd]

We'll disregard that. Claudette as Jerry Jeffers. What did you do with that $700? Now, don't answer if you don't care to.

[Robert Young]

Well, I paid the rent and I paid the grocer and the insurance and had my hair done and bought this gold lame dress and had $14 left, which I saved for my husband. Isn't that wonderful?

[Claudette Colbert]

That's all very well, Jerry Jeffers, but there's just one little question you haven't answered.

[Robert Young]

What question, Tom?

[Claudette Colbert]

Why. Why this alleged nice old man gave you $700.

[Robert Young]

Oh, no reason.

[Claudette Colbert]

Is that so? He just. $700, just like that?

[Robert Young]

That's right. Oh, it was charming. You have no idea how it makes a girl feel to have a man say, here's my role. Peel yourself off something nice.

[Claudette Colbert]

Is that so? I suppose sex didn't even enter into it.

[Robert Young]

Oh, of course it did, darling. No, I don't think he'd have given it to me if I had hair like excelsior and little short legs like an alligator.

[Claudette Colbert]

This is very illuminating.

[Robert Young]

Well, you don't have to get so rigid about it. It was all perfectly innocent. He was just a very nice, kind, rich, generous old man.

[Claudette Colbert]

Where did you meet him?

[Robert Young]

You'll die when I tell you.

[Claudette Colbert]

Go ahead, kill me.

[Robert Young]

In the bathtub.

[Claudette Colbert]

In the bathtub?

[Robert Young]

Yes. Isn't that a scream?

[Claudette Colbert]

It's a yell. What were you doing in the bathtub?

[Robert Young]

I was hiding from him.

[Claudette Colbert]

Hiding from him? What kind of games do you play around here when I'm out? How much water was there in the tub?

[Robert Young]

Well, I was standing in it, you idiot. Standing in it in my pink negligee. What's the matter with you? Now, look, he was just a funny little old man the manager wanted to rent our apartment to. And as I wasn't dressed yet, I hid in the bathroom. Then he walked in. Some people have no sense of privacy.

[Claudette Colbert]

What did he do then? Take a bath?

[Robert Young]

No. He was just terribly sorry to hear we were losing our apartment. He said he'd been young and broke too, a long time ago. And then he gave me $700 and left.

[Claudette Colbert]

And that's all.

[Robert Young]

Well, I did kiss him goodbye in the bathtub on the cheek. I half expected him to sprout some wings and fly out the window.

[Claudette Colbert]

Yes, it does sound like a fairy tale. So you just tell me where this kind, rich, generous old man lives, and I'll take him back his $700 and thank him in my own way.

[Robert Young]

I don't know where he lives, darling. I don't know his name or anything about him. And I don't think they'd give the money back. I mean, the grocer and the butcher and the drugstore and you really couldn't blame them after they'd waited so long.

[Claudette Colbert]

That's right. Rub it in.

[Robert Young]

I didn't mean to, but it's such a wonderful feeling to have all the bills paid and be able to look everybody in the eye. I like that feeling. It's like a fresh start now that we're all paid up. This is much too expensive for you, Tom. Although I know you just wanted it to be nice for me.

[Claudette Colbert]

Where would we move to?

[Robert Young]

I wasn't thinking about me. I just meant you.

[Claudette Colbert]

Huh?

[Robert Young]

Look, darling, I'm no good for you. Honestly. I can't cook or sew or whip up a little dress out of last year's window curtains. I'm just a millstone around your neck.

[Claudette Colbert]

Just when did you get this idea? This afternoon.

[Robert Young]

No, I've had it for a long time now. Don't you see? By yourself, you could live in a little room somewhere or even move in with your brother and pay your bills and maybe even get ahead a little.

[Claudette Colbert]

Who would you be moving in with?

[Robert Young]

Oh, well, that's no problem. You can always find a good provider if you don't care what he looks like. I'm tired of being broke, darling.

[Claudette Colbert]

Oh, Jerry.

[Robert Young]

Oh, no, no, no. Don't talk to me in that tone of voice. If you hadn't done it a long time ago, we wouldn't be in this mess.

[Claudette Colbert]

Jerry.

[Robert Young]

What?

[Claudette Colbert]

Sit on my lap.

[Robert Young]

No, no, no.

[Claudette Colbert]

Well, sit on the arm of the chair, then. Comfortable?

[Robert Young]

Take your arm away.

[Claudette Colbert]

Well, can't I just hold your hand?

[Robert Young]

Oh, I have a feeling this is all going to end very badly.

[Claudette Colbert]

It's all going to end very well. I've got a man interested in my invention. He's already got $50,000. And if we can just raise the other 49.

[Robert Young]

I know, but they never raise the other 49, dol. And then they go away, and then you start looking for a new one.

[Claudette Colbert]

But I'm bound to crash through someday.

[Robert Young]

But I don't want it someday. I want it now, while I'm young and can still laugh and dance and enjoy myself. Darling, I'm sorry to tell you this, but men don't get smarter as they grow older. They just lose their hair.

[Claudette Colbert]

Thanks.

[Robert Young]

No, you don't have to thank me. I'm not being so nice. Don't you see? I could be so much more help to you as a sister.

[Claudette Colbert]

Oh, shut up.

[Robert Young]

Now, as your sister, if anybody wanted to go out with me, I'd naturally.

[Claudette Colbert]

Shut up.

[Robert Young]

You just aren't practical. And take your arm away.

[Claudette Colbert]

Oh, Jerry.

[Robert Young]

Oh, stop it, darling. Something has to be done. The terrible trouble with us is that we're in love. Every time I try to be sensible, you put your arm around me and breathe Jerry in my ear and my knees start to turn to water.

[Claudette Colbert]

Jerry.

[Robert Young]

Oh, shut up.

[Claudette Colbert]

Where are you going?

[Robert Young]

Going downstairs to see if I have any cigarettes.

[Claudette Colbert]

Well, I'll go for you.

[Robert Young]

No, no, I'd like to get out of the apartment for a while. It smells too much of love.

[Claudette Colbert]

Well, what are you taking your coat for?

[Robert Young]

The. The. The lobby's a little drafty.

[Claudette Colbert]

Oh, then why don't you let me go down for you?

[Robert Young]

No, I want to go. Hello, Tom? I'm in the phone booth in the lobby.

[Claudette Colbert]

Oh, what's the matter? Didn't they have any cigarettes?

[Robert Young]

I didn't come down for cigarettes. I lied to you, huh? I'm sorry, darling. I'm going to leave you. I'm going to divorce you.

[Claudette Colbert]

But, Jerry, you can't get a divorce. They cost a lot of money.

[Robert Young]

No, the next husband always pays for that.

[Claudette Colbert]

Oh, you have him all picked out, have you? Suppose I won't give you a divorce?

[Robert Young]

Well, then I'll become an adventuress.

[Claudette Colbert]

Oh, will you stop talking like an idiot? I can just see you starting for China in a rowboat.

[Robert Young]

No, you're thinking of an adventurer, dear. An adventuress. Never goes on anything under 300ft with a crew of 80.

[Claudette Colbert]

Jerry, for heaven's sake, please.

[Robert Young]

Goodbye. Oh, goodbye, darling.

[Harold Lloyd]

And so the curtain falls on. Hey, wait a minute. That's not a cue for a sound effect. Sound man, come here, please.

[Claudette Colbert]

Yeah, what do you want?

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, I'm Harold Lloyd.

[Claudette Colbert]

I know your sister, Cella Lloyd.

[Harold Lloyd]

Oh, wait now, never mind the jokes. Let's just get the sound effects right. Look, mister, I only got two hands.

[Claudette Colbert]

You guys don't care how many sound.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Effects you write in.

[Harold Lloyd]

Why, in 20 seconds I gotta open.

[Robert Young]

And close eight doors.

[Claudette Colbert]

Break 10 panes of glass, wreck two trains.

[Robert Young]

Make the sound of six guys walking.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

With rubber heels on gravel and if that ain't enough before the story ends.

[Claudette Colbert]

I gotta lay an egg.

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, why be irritated? Light an old. So, Jerry Jeffers, you went to Palm Beach. How did you get there?

[Robert Young]

It was really very simple. Any girl could tell you how to do it. You just stand in front of the gate marked Florida Special.

[Harold Lloyd]

You mean any pretty girl.

[Robert Young]

Well, thanks.

[Harold Lloyd]

You're welcome. And what do you say?

[Robert Young]

You say you lost your ticket and.

[Claudette Colbert]

That your grandmother's dying of pneumonia. I suppose. To whom do you sell this whopper?

[Robert Young]

I happened to tell it to the Alen Quail Club, a group of rich millionaires who were going hunting.

[Claudette Colbert]

What were they hunting?

[Robert Young]

Quail.

[Claudette Colbert]

I could have guessed that.

[Robert Young]

Well, frankly, yes.

[Harold Lloyd]

And did they treat you nicely?

[Robert Young]

Well, I got there without mishap. Without my clothes.

[Claudette Colbert]

What? Now, look here.

[Robert Young]

Oh, now, now, now, now, will you stop misunderstanding me? I just happened to be in the car ahead to get away from Sweet Adeline and a little shooting when the conductor got a little irritated and disconnected the car.

[Harold Lloyd]

Oh, so you were left on the train without any clothes?

[Robert Young]

Yes. All I had was a suit of pajamas.

[Harold Lloyd]

Oh. Oh, well, that's it. You had me a little worried there for a moment.

[Robert Young]

And then you met John D. Hackensacker iii, the richest single young man in the world.

[Claudette Colbert]

What was he doing there?

[Robert Young]

He was traveling in a lower berth.

[Claudette Colbert]

And how did you meet him?

[Robert Young]

I stepped on his face.

[Harold Lloyd]

Excellent, excellent. Yes, sir, I've often wanted to myself.

[Robert Young]

Well, he turned out to be a very nice young man. He bought me $38,000 worth of clothes in Jacksonville.

[Claudette Colbert]

Oh, he did, did he?

[Robert Young]

And by the way, how did you know I'd gone to Palm Beach?

[Claudette Colbert]

Don't get off the subject. $38,000 worth of clothes. I thought those millionaires were very careful.

[Robert Young]

He was. He wrote it all down in a little book. It was quite romantic. As a matter of fact, his yacht was beautiful.

[Claudette Colbert]

Oh, we're on a yacht now, are we?

[Robert Young]

Yes, we yachted the last leg of the voyage.

[Claudette Colbert]

I suppose it was all very proper.

[Robert Young]

He was a perfect gentleman.

[Claudette Colbert]

Yeah. Anyway, you're on the yacht with John D. Hackensacker iii, who is no doubt gazing into your eyes.

[Robert Young]

Tom, you have an evil mind. I told you he was a perfect gentleman. Do you write everything you spend in that little book, Mr. Hackensacker?

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Well, it isn't really as bad as it looks. It's just something I learned in childhood. It pleased my grandfather. I write it all down, but I never add it up. You know, yachts are very dull.

[Robert Young]

Yes, I can see what you mean.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

They are less dull, however, with you aboard.

[Robert Young]

Well, thank you, Daddy.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Son, please don't misconstrue what I said. I assure you that I didn't mean anything in any way. Out of the way.

[Robert Young]

Oh, I trust you, Mr. Hackenseth.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Your trust is not misplaced. Miss. Mrs. Ms. Jeffers.

[Robert Young]

Mrs. Geraldine Jeffers.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Oh, yes. What a beautiful name. You have left your husband, I take it?

[Robert Young]

That's right.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

You know I don't approve of divorce.

[Robert Young]

Oh, well, isn't the Princess Gentimelia your sister?

[John D. Hackensacker III]

I was afraid you'd bring that up.

[Robert Young]

Hasn't she been divorced five times?

[John D. Hackensacker III]

No. Thrice. She was a null. Twice.

[Robert Young]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Did he beat you?

[Robert Young]

Who?

[John D. Hackensacker III]

The brute you were married to.

[Robert Young]

Oh. Oh, not often.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

A drunkard, I presume.

[Robert Young]

Not a congenital one or anything like that.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Are you going to marry again or give up the whole distasteful idea?

[Robert Young]

Oh, might weaken again if I found the right man.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

I see. And what would he be like?

[Robert Young]

Well, just somebody who was reasonably well to do so that I could give Tom the 99,000 he needs for his airport, you see. After all, he fed me and clothed me and was very sweet to me.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

When he wasn't beating you?

[Robert Young]

He didn't beat me very hard, just normally. And if I could give him a sort of going away present, I'd feel better about the whole thing.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

I see.

[Robert Young]

I'm not quite sure that you do.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

But you're protecting this man again.

[Robert Young]

What?

[John D. Hackensacker III]

He wishes to sell you for $99,000. The man is a vermin. Of all the filthy things I've ever heard of. He should be incarcerated. No court of law would even. How does he want it?

[Robert Young]

In cash, I think would be nice.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Though I won't stop the check. I understand there is a name for such reptiles.

[Robert Young]

Oh, I don't think he'll ever get it. It was just a kind of a nightmare.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

But I'll not sully the sweet ocean breeze by mentioning it. I'm not in the best of shape. But if I ever meet this Mr. $99,000 Jeffers, I'll thrash him within an inch of his life.

[Robert Young]

Well then, I hope you never need him.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

I suppose he's large.

[Robert Young]

Well, he isn't small.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Ah, this is one of the tragedies of this life. The men most in need of beating up are always enormous.

[Harold Lloyd]

And so they came to Palm Beach. As they came up to the dock, Jerry noticed Someone. A familiar face. She turned to John D. Hackensacker iii.

[Robert Young]

Wait a minute, John. Wait. You wait right there, Tom. Why did you follow me down here for anyway?

[Claudette Colbert]

Well, you're my wife, aren't you? You're making a fool of yourself, exposing yourself to all sorts of dangers that I promise to love, honor and protect you from.

[Harold Lloyd]

This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace. You know when you're really stressed or not feeling so great about your life or about yourself, talking to someone who understands can really help. But who is that person? How do you find them? Where do you even start? Talkspace. Talkspace makes it easy to get the support you need. With Talkspace, you can go online, answer a few questions about your preferences, and be matched with a therapist. And because you'll meet your therapist online, you don't have to take time off work or arrange childcare. You'll meet on your schedule, wherever you feel most at ease. If you're depressed, stressed, struggling with a relationship, or if you want some counseling for you and your partner or just need a little extra one on one support, Talkspace is here for you. Plus, Talkspace works with most major insurers and most insured members have a $0 copay. No insurance, no problem. Now get $80 off of your first month with promo code space80 when you go to talkspace.com, match with a licensed therapist today at talkspace.com save $80 with code [e-mail] oh, look, don't you understand?

[Robert Young]

I've left you. I'm not your wife anymore. You're not my husband.

[Claudette Colbert]

Oh, Jerry, darling.

[Robert Young]

No, stop it. Don't put your arms around me, Tom. Don't trust me.

[Princess Chant Amelia]

Well, I must say, you do know the best looking men on the pier.

[Robert Young]

Oh. Oh, Princess. This is the Princess Chant. Amelia, my brother, Captain McGloo.

[Claudette Colbert]

What?

[Princess Chant Amelia]

Captain, we should have met sooner. And if I'd seen you around, we would have. This is my brother, Captain Hackensacker. Captain McGloo. That's an odd name.

[Claudette Colbert]

Yes, isn't it? How do you do, Captain?

[John D. Hackensacker III]

I'm not a captain. That's my sister's joke, because I own a yacht.

[Claudette Colbert]

Well, that's my sister's joke, because I don't own one.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Well, I'm very glad to meet you. Your sister didn't tell me that she had a brother here.

[Claudette Colbert]

No, I just dropped over and.

[Princess Chant Amelia]

And of course you're staying with us.

[Claudette Colbert]

No, no, no. We wouldn't want to inconvenience you. We'll go to a hotel.

[Princess Chant Amelia]

Inconvenience. Est bubble puppy. We practically run a hotel. Anyway, this will give the servants some exercise. Your brother's a very fine looking man. You know, you look exactly alike.

[Robert Young]

Really?

[Princess Chant Amelia]

I. I suppose he's married.

[Robert Young]

No, no, no, no. He's entirely free.

[Princess Chant Amelia]

Oh, you.

[Robert Young]

You.

[Princess Chant Amelia]

Don't tell me.

[Claudette Colbert]

Now, look here.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Don't pay any attention to Maud, Captain. Her bark is worse than her bite.

[Princess Chant Amelia]

Yes, that's what you think. Snoodles. And now, Captain, you take my arm. What did you say you were captain of?

[Claudette Colbert]

I didn't say a word about it.

[Princess Chant Amelia]

Oh, how wonderful it is meeting a silent American again. All my husbands were foreigners. And such chatterboxes. I could hardly get a word in edgeways.

[Claudette Colbert]

They certainly must have been.

[Princess Chant Amelia]

You know, Captain, I have a feeling that I'm going to like you.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

They make a handsome couple, don't they?

[Robert Young]

Pardon?

[John D. Hackensacker III]

My sister and your brother. It would be nice if something came of it.

[Robert Young]

Oh. Oh, yes, wouldn't it? It would be wonderful for him.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

The captain's a big fellow, isn't he?

[Robert Young]

Yes, isn't he?

[John D. Hackensacker III]

You look exactly alike.

[Robert Young]

Yes, don't we? You know, people always tell us that.

[Claudette Colbert]

I am not grousing.

[Robert Young]

You are too.

[Claudette Colbert]

I am not. I'm being very reasonable. I merely want to know why the Captain McGloo, of all the idiotic names.

[Robert Young]

Because I want him to finance your invention for you. He seems to have something against my husband. But as my brother, I wouldn't allow.

[Claudette Colbert]

Him to finance a pack of gum for me. I still would like to know why I'm to be called Captain McGloo.

[Robert Young]

Wasn't that your mother's name?

[Claudette Colbert]

What? Captain McGloo. Oh, really, Geraldine. Her name was McGrew.

[Robert Young]

Oh, I'm sorry, darling. I remembered it as McGregor.

[Claudette Colbert]

Well, what am I supposed to be captain of, a garbage scowl?

[Robert Young]

Couldn't you have been a captain in the last war?

[Claudette Colbert]

Sure. I was 11 years old at the finish.

[Robert Young]

What about the Boy Scouts?

[Claudette Colbert]

Wonderful. I could go around building bonfires on the drawing room carpet.

[Robert Young]

Oh, I'm honestly. I'm sorry, darling. I really meant it for the best.

[Claudette Colbert]

Well, I suppose you did. But why did you ever do it in the first place?

[Robert Young]

Because you had your arms around me, I suppose.

[Claudette Colbert]

This Captain Hackensacker, this Snoodles ever put his arms around you?

[Robert Young]

Of course not.

[Claudette Colbert]

Then yachts must have changed since the last time I was on one. That's what they build yachts for.

[Robert Young]

Now, just a minute. What about your friend, the princess that you're cutting such a groove with?

[Claudette Colbert]

Princess?

[Robert Young]

And how did you get down here.

[Claudette Colbert]

I flew.

[Robert Young]

Where'd you get the money?

[Claudette Colbert]

Same place you did.

[Robert Young]

The cute little old man.

[Claudette Colbert]

Well, he isn't cute. He has a wart on the side of his nose.

[Robert Young]

So he came back?

[Claudette Colbert]

Yeah, he rented the apartment next door and came to see you. He wants us to get together again. Look, Jerry, don't you think we owe it to him? Just let me go out and poke Snoodles in the nose just once.

[Robert Young]

Yes.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Excuse me for popping in, Mac. Did you happen to bring a tuxedo with you?

[Claudette Colbert]

I did not.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

That's too bad. In a pinch, you can wear one of mine.

[Claudette Colbert]

I won't be here that long.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Oh, that's too bad, old man. I wanted to get to know you better. However, I'm very glad that you showed up just when you did.

[Claudette Colbert]

So am I.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Good. I needed a male member of Jerry's family.

[Claudette Colbert]

Well, you have him.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Fine. Now, I have a certain thought.

[Claudette Colbert]

I have a certain thought also. And it's that bracelet you gave her, Mac.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

I'm very glad you brought that up.

[Robert Young]

Mac is delighted with its noodles.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

He shouldn't be.

[Claudette Colbert]

He isn't.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Fine. The first bracelet that my sister got, I punched the fellow right in the nose.

[Claudette Colbert]

I can see we understand each other perfectly.

[Robert Young]

Look, if I could trust you boys not to slug each other, I'd like to make an exit right about here. I feel like a bone between two dogs.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Oh, we're gonna get along all right together, you see, Mac, Geraldine's future. And this little plan I have, which I had better discuss with you before springing it on her.

[Claudette Colbert]

Well, that's mighty decent of you, Snoodles.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

You think so?

[Claudette Colbert]

Really?

[John D. Hackensacker III]

That would have delighted Grandfather. He always thought me something of an ass.

[Claudette Colbert]

Right old boy, wasn't he?

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Oh, very, very.

[Robert Young]

Look, I think I'll be running along.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Good. I have so much to say to your brother.

[Claudette Colbert]

And you have a lot to listen to.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

And I have so much to say to you at the dance tonight, darling.

[Claudette Colbert]

Well, toodaloo pip, pip.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Isn't the music divine? I'm dancing on clouds.

[Robert Young]

Oh, you have a nice little voice.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Oh, thank you. I used to sing in college with a mandolin? Yes, but I wouldn't play it around the house.

[Robert Young]

Would you be around the house much?

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Not any more than you wanted me. I have an office. Not that I do much in it. Say, perhaps Max would come and help me.

[Robert Young]

Oh, that would be wonderful. You two could plan the airport together.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

What airport is that?

[Robert Young]

Oh, the most remarkable invention you ever heard of. A suspended airport right in the Middle of a city, stretched like a tennis racket.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Really? You know, I might be able to help him. In fact, I will help him. Why not?

[Robert Young]

You will?

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Of course I will. Up to a certain point. How much will a working model cost?

[Robert Young]

99. I mean. I mean $100,000.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

I think I'll be able to do it all right. Let's consider the model built.

[Robert Young]

Oh, Snoodles, you're wonderful.

[Princess Chant Amelia]

You don't like to dance with me, do you?

[Claudette Colbert]

Oh, yes, certainly.

[Princess Chant Amelia]

Well, then why do you let me flop around?

[Claudette Colbert]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Princess Chant Amelia]

That's better. What's Jerry's husband like?

[Claudette Colbert]

Who? Oh, just a flop.

[Princess Chant Amelia]

A big flop.

[Claudette Colbert]

Yes, any way you take it.

[Princess Chant Amelia]

Well, he won't be such a flop with $99,000. Snoodles will give it to him. All right.

[Claudette Colbert]

What's this about $99,000?

[Princess Chant Amelia]

That's how much her husband wants.

[Claudette Colbert]

You mean, before he'll give her a divorce?

[Princess Chant Amelia]

Oh, I love you like this, with lightning flashing out of your eyes.

[Claudette Colbert]

Did she tell you that story?

[Princess Chant Amelia]

Why should we talk about that heel when you're here?

[Claudette Colbert]

Did she tell you that the big.

[Princess Chant Amelia]

Muscle in your arm contracted and squeezed me deliciously? Do it again.

[Claudette Colbert]

Now, listen, I.

[Princess Chant Amelia]

No, no, you listen to me. I've got so many sweet things to say to you.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

You know, Geraldine, I've never been so happy before in my life.

[Bob Williams]

You.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

You freed me of a certain timidity from which I've always suffered. And now with you and Mac in the airport, I can see great days ahead, full of fun and everything I'm sure of.

[Robert Young]

It's Noodles.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

By the way, I have a little surprise for you later tonight, so don't be surprised.

[Robert Young]

What is it?

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Well, if I told you what it is, then you wouldn't be surprised anymore.

[Robert Young]

Well, I wouldn't do anything too surprising if I were you, Snoodles. You never can tell how those things are going to turn out.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

I'm persuaded you'll be delighted.

[Robert Young]

I certainly hope I will be.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Yes. If you'll just leave your window open onto the balcony.

[Robert Young]

Why, Snoodle? Oh.

[John D. Hackensacker III]

Oh, no, it's not what you think, really. When I climb, I get dizzy.

[Robert Young]

So you're a fast worker, aren't you?

[Claudette Colbert]

You've got a lot of nerve to talk.

[Robert Young]

So you couldn't even wait a decent interval, you and your princess. I hope you're very proud of yourself, Captain McGloo.

[Claudette Colbert]

Now, wait a minute.

[Robert Young]

No, let go of me, you big pullover.

[Claudette Colbert]

I'm the one that has the right to.

[Robert Young]

I know I'm an idiot, but I. I suppose it's when you've been fond of somebody for a long time. You. You shouldn't have come down here. You should have given me a little time to get used to the idea.

[Claudette Colbert]

Well, maybe I should. But you can't blame a man for trying to hold on to something that he loves. He always has loved, always will love.

[Robert Young]

Oh, you're going to make me cry, Jerry. No, no. You're forgetting the airport. You're forgetting everything that counts. Jerry, now listen to me just this once, will you? I've always done what you wanted, and it's always turned out to be a disaster. Good night, darling. Sleep tight. Your room is right through that door.

[Claudette Colbert]

Well, it seems funny sleeping with a.

[Robert Young]

Sitting room between us and the door's locked.

[Claudette Colbert]

Yeah, you don't have to worry about that.

[Robert Young]

Well, nevertheless, good night, dear. What are you waiting for?

[Claudette Colbert]

Well, don't you kiss your brother good night?

[Robert Young]

I don't know. I never had a brother.

[Claudette Colbert]

We have one now in the world. Is that.

[Robert Young]

Well, that must. Oh, that's Noodle. Surprise.

[Claudette Colbert]

Why, he's got a whole orchestra down there.

[Robert Young]

Oh. Oh, he shouldn't do things like that on a night like this. Oh, Jerry, don't start that again.

[Claudette Colbert]

You really want it that way?

[Robert Young]

Please, Tom, it has to be that way. There's no other way possible.

[Claudette Colbert]

Okay. I guess you know best.

[Robert Young]

Good night, dear. I'm. I'm ready to get undressed.

[Claudette Colbert]

Yes, of course. I'm just a brother. We're big children now.

[Robert Young]

Yes. Good night.

[Claudette Colbert]

Okay, Jerry. Good night.

[Robert Young]

Oh, Tom, for just a minute, I. I can't get this zipper in the back of my dress. Would you mind before you go?

[Claudette Colbert]

Glad to. They're not making zippers like they used to.

[Robert Young]

Nothing's like it used to be.

[Claudette Colbert]

Well, you have to come over here to the light.

[Robert Young]

Here. Is that all right?

[Claudette Colbert]

A little too high. Better sit on my lap.

[Robert Young]

Well, no, I don't think.

[Claudette Colbert]

Well, it's all right, sister.

[Robert Young]

There now. Now can you get it so it.

[Claudette Colbert]

Doesn'T mean anything when I kiss the back of your neck like this?

[Robert Young]

No, no, nothing.

[Claudette Colbert]

When I squeeze you like this, you know I'm ticklish. Or when I turn you around and kiss you like this.

[Robert Young]

Oh, Tom. Tom, this is costing us $99,000.

[Claudette Colbert]

Do you love me?

[Robert Young]

It's costing us the airport, all your chances.

[Claudette Colbert]

Do you love me?

[Robert Young]

Oh, it's useless and impractical and wonderful.

[Claudette Colbert]

Do you love me?

[Robert Young]

Yes, darling, I love you. I love you. I love you.

[Claudette Colbert]

That's all I Wanted to know.

[Harold Lloyd]

Claudette. Bob, that was wonderful. It's a great story. But look, you haven't told the audience what happened to John D. Hackensecker iii.

[Robert Young]

Oh, he married my twin sister.

[Harold Lloyd]

And the princess?

[Claudette Colbert]

She married my twin brother.

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, that sounds simple, I think. But look, with all these twins running around, are you sure that you are married to the right partner?

[Robert Young]

Of course we're sure.

[Claudette Colbert]

Or are we?

[Robert Young]

Huh?

[Harold Lloyd]

Now, next week's show. What? Something wrong, Carl?

[Claudette Colbert]

Something. Everything's gone wrong. Today. My first violinist has broken his second string for the third time. Three of my musicians are wearing brown shoes with their tuxedos. Two of my musicians aren't wearing any shoes at all. My tuba player has the hiccups and everything he plays. Sounds like a march. Why be irritated?

[Bob Williams]

Light an Old Gold. Yes, that's right. Light an Old Gold and enjoy a better tasting cigarette sprayed with apple honey to help guard against cigarette dryness. You know, a really flavorful smoke is swell when you get it at the peak of smoking. Perfection. Not dry and harsh.

[Claudette Colbert]

That's why Old Gold's grand tasting blend.

[Bob Williams]

Of many choice tobacco seasons seasoned with costly flavorful latakia leaf is sprayed with apple honey.

[Claudette Colbert]

This helps hold in the natural moisture and guards against cigarette dryness.

[Bob Williams]

So why be irritated? Light an Old Gold. And when you ask for Old Gold at your cigarette counter, remember this. They've not only tripled in popularity, billions of them are going to the men and women overseas. So if your dealer says, sorry, we're out of Old Gold, don't be irritated. Just keep on asking till he says Old Gold.

[Claudette Colbert]

Sure, we've got some today.

[Bob Williams]

Yes, we're some. Sincerely sorry there aren't enough Old Golds to go around. But please be patient and we'll keep on doing our very best to get them to you.

[Harold Lloyd]

This is Harold Lloyd saying thank you and good night. See you next week.

[Bob Williams]

The Palm beach story was presented by arrangement with Paramount Pictures. Producers of Our Hearts were young and gay. Robert Young is currently appearing in Metro Goldwyn Mayer's Canterville Ghost. Claudette Colbert can be currently seen in David O. Selznick's since youe Went Away. And now this is Bob Williams saying good night until next week's comedy theater when we present Ball of Fire starring Gary Cooper and Lucille Ball. And in the meantime, why be irritated? Light an Old Gold, enjoy a better tasting cigarette sprayed with apple honey to help guard against cigarette dryness. And listen to Old Gold's other great new show, which is which With Ken Murray as MC Richard Himber's orchestra and famous stars of stage, screen and radio or their reasonable facsimiles. Tune in Wednesday night on another network. Consult your newspaper for time and station this this is the National Broadcasting Company.