Old Gold Comedy Theater 44-11-12 03 True To Life

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio – "Old Gold Comedy Theater 44-11-12 03 True To Life"

Episode Information:

• Title: Old Gold Comedy Theater 44-11-12 03 True To Life
• Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Release Date: April 18, 2025
• Description: Relive the Golden Age of Radio with classic comedies and stellar performances from iconic shows like The Shadow, Abbott & Costello, Amos & Andy, and Dragnet. This episode features the original cast of True to Life, showcasing timeless humor and engaging storytelling.

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Introduction to "True to Life"

The episode opens with Rosemary DeCamp introducing the Old Gold Comedy Theater, highlighting the collaboration with Paramount Pictures. She sets the stage for tonight’s play, True to Life, featuring stars Dick Powell, Victor Moore, and Rosemary DeCamp herself. The director and host, Harold Lloyd, welcomes listeners to an evening of laughter and drama.

Rosemary DeCamp [00:44]:

"From Hollywood, California, the makers of Old Gold cigarettes present the Comedy Theater, the only radio program that brings you every week the greatest stars and the greatest comedies."

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Plot Summary

Act 1: The Writers' Predicament

The story centers around Link Ferris (Dick Powell) and his partner, Fletcher Marvin, portrayed by Harold Lloyd and Victor Moore. They are successful radio writers earning $1,000 a week each, crafting the popular daytime serial Kitty Farmer. However, their boss, Mr. Twitchell (Rosemary DeCamp), confronts them about declining listener numbers, blaming their heroine, Kitty Farmer, for being "phony" and "counterfeit" (03:42). Under threat of termination, Link decides to seek real-life inspiration for their scripts.

Key Quote: Mr. Twitchell [03:42]:

"Unless you make that girl real and believable, you're fired, both of you, and that's final."

Act 2: Meeting the Porters

Link ventures into the real world and meets Bonnie Porter (Rosemary DeCamp), played by Rosemary herself, who works at a lunch wagon. Bonnie invites Link into her family home, introducing him to Pop Porter (Victor Moore), her father, and the rest of the Porter family. Link and Fletcher decide to base their radio scripts on the genuine personalities and dynamics of the Porter family, believing this authenticity will salvage their show.

Notable Interaction: Bonnie Porter [04:53]:

"Anyone home? Now, wipe your feet good, Bonnie, and don't come tracking mud into the living room. This is Mr. Ferris, everybody. My mother."

Act 3: Success and Complications

The Farmer Family radio show begins to reflect the true-to-life characteristics of the Porters, leading to increased popularity. Mr. Twitchell commends them for the improvement, unaware of their inspiration. However, complications arise when Fletcher sabotages their efforts by sending Bonnie flowers and creating misunderstandings, leading to tension within the family and between the writers.

Key Conflict: Bonnie Porter [14:18]:

"At 5:00 in the morning you either get up and go to work at the bakery or you get up and get out."

Act 4: The Great Reveal

As the radio show gains nationwide attention, the Porter family discovers that their lives are being broadcasted for public amusement. Feeling betrayed, Bonnie confronts Link and Fletcher, leading to a heated exchange where truths are revealed. The climax unfolds with public outrage and legal threats from the Porters, culminating in a family dispute that jeopardizes both the writers' careers and their newfound relationships.

Climactic Exchange: Bonnie Porter [21:13]:

"How do you think I feel? Lying to me? Why, you even proposed to me just to get material for that radio program of yours."

Act 5: Resolution and Reconciliation

In the aftermath, Mr. Twitchell attempts to salvage the situation by adopting the true identities of the Porters for the radio show, admitting liability. However, the Porters reject further exploitation, leading to a heartfelt resolution where genuine relationships triumph over professional mishaps. The episode wraps up with the Porters gaining fame and the writers learning valuable lessons about authenticity and respect.

Final Resolution: Bonnie Porter [25:01]:

"Because you've turned this house into a freak show. You're suing because they showed us up to be a bunch of screwballs on that radio program. Well, we're acting like screwballs, and I won't have any part of it."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Dick Powell as Link Ferris [01:30]:

  "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. You know, someone once said, the movies should be more like life. And the wise man answered, life should be more like the movies."

• Harold Lloyd as Link Ferris [04:00]:

  "I'm gonna go out and meet some real people."

• Victor Moore as Pop Porter [05:27]:

  "I think we got one that'll work this time."

• Bonnie Porter [16:44]:

  "Link, there's some place I want you to take me tonight."

• Rosemary DeCamp as Mr. Mammal [21:51]:

  "Why be irritated? Light an Old Gold."

• Final Lines [29:04]:

  Victor Moore: "Hey. Oh, my goodness. Oh, I broke your mother's best face."

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Conclusions and Insights

True to Life masterfully blends humor with heartfelt moments, illustrating the challenges of maintaining professional integrity while navigating personal relationships. The episode underscores the importance of authenticity, the pitfalls of exploiting real lives for entertainment, and the redemptive power of honesty. Through engaging dialogue and relatable characters, the play offers timeless lessons wrapped in classic comedic flair.

Final Thoughts by Dick Powell [24:54]:

"Well, Link, Bonnie would have nothing to do with either of you. And the Porters sued. What about Mr. Twitchell?"

This line encapsulates the turning point where the consequences of the writers' actions catch up, leading to the eventual resolution and moral of the story.

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Overall Impression:

This episode of Harold's Old Time Radio delivers a nostalgic and entertaining journey through True to Life, capturing the essence of Golden Age radio with its witty banter, memorable characters, and enduring themes. Whether you're a longtime fan or a newcomer, the engaging narrative and comedic timing promise an enjoyable listen that pays homage to radio's illustrious past.

Transcript

[Harold Lloyd]

We interrupt this program to bring you.

[Victor Moore]

An important Wayfair message.

[Nicole Byer]

Wayfair's got style tips for Every home.

[Victor Moore]

This is Nicole Byer helping you make those rooms Flyer. Today's style tip.

[Harold Lloyd]

When it comes to making a statement.

[Victor Moore]

Treat bold patterns like neutrals.

[Harold Lloyd]

Go wild like an untamed animal.

[Victor Moore]

Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table.

[Nicole Byer]

From wayfair.com.

[Rosemary DeCamp]

Ooh.

[Victor Moore]

Fierce.

[Harold Lloyd]

This has been your Wayfarer style tip to keep those interiors superior. Wayfair Every style.

[Bonnie Porter]

Every home.

[Rosemary DeCamp]

From Hollywood, California, the makers of Old Gold cigarettes present the Comedy Theater, the only radio program that brings you every week the greatest stars and the greatest comedies. Tonight's play, True to Life, starring Dick Powell, Victor Moore and Rosemary Decant. And here is the director of the Old Gold Comedy Theater and your host, Harold Lloyd.

[Dick Powell]

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. You know, someone once said, the movies should be more like life. And the wise man answered, life should be more like the movies. In tonight's story, True to Life, we're going to attempt to show that radio can be like both. Now, in the part of Link Ferris, I've cast Dick Powell.

[Harold Lloyd]

Thank you. I say, Harold, you forgot to tell everyone what kind of work I do.

[Dick Powell]

You're Link Ferris. And you and your partner, Fletcher Marvin are the only two writers in radio making $1,000 a week a piece. While you're the kings of the daytime serials.

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, kings ought to get more than that. I got to see my agent.

[Dick Powell]

Wait a minute. You weren't supposed to say that.

[Harold Lloyd]

All right, Harold, but, you know, as one of the country's leading authorities on comedy, whom have you chosen to play Pop Porter? You know, that calls for one of the biggest actors in the character business, right?

[Dick Powell]

So one of the biggest characters in the acting business is going to play Pop Porter. Victor Moore.

[Victor Moore]

It sure looks like I'm getting the business around here.

[Dick Powell]

Why, Vic, Pop Porter's a wonderful guy. He spends most of his spare time with his inventions.

[Victor Moore]

Yeah, well, say, Harold, who's gonna play my daughter Bonnie? Bonnie's an awful nice girl.

[Dick Powell]

That's right. And she's pretty, too. Well, Bonnie's going to be played by Rosemary de Camp.

[Bonnie Porter]

Will I do, Pop?

[Victor Moore]

Why, you're the spitting image of Bonnie. In fact, you are Bonnie.

[Dick Powell]

Now, is everyone satisfied as to which is which?

[Victor Moore]

Which is? Which is a fine show. I listen to it every Wednesday night.

[Dick Powell]

Well, that's great. That's fine, Victor. All right. Now then, let's get on with the story Far Away.

[Victor Moore]

All right, Harold.

[Dick Powell]

Now, as Link Ferris, Dick, you and your partner, Fletcher Marvin, are being read the riot act by Mr. Twitchell, president of Lemon and Twitchell, the advertising agency that pays you to write the radio adventures of Kitty Farmer.

[Mr. Twitchell]

We've lost a million listeners. And if you don't know what's wrong with your scripts, I'll tell you. It's Kitty Farmer, your heroine. She's phony. She's counterfeit. Now, unless you make that girl real and believable, you're fired, both of you, and that's final. I think the man's angry.

[Harold Lloyd]

Oh, Fletch, Old Twitchell's right. Live at a thousand a week has made us soft, and our writing shows it.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Oh, you're nuts.

[Harold Lloyd]

I'm gonna go out and meet some real people.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Well, while you're about it, genius, see if you can find a real flesh and blood kitty farm.

[Dick Powell]

And how did you get along, Link?

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, not so hot, frankly. Finally, I was so hungry that I dropped into a lunch wagon out in Sunnyside. I just finished ordering roast beef with all the trimmings when I discovered that all I had was a nickel. So I changed my order to a cup of coffee. The girl behind the counter brought me my roast beef. Anyway, nothing I could say would convince her that I wasn't broke and hungry. But Bonnie Porter was like that, and she was pretty too. Later, walking home with her, I said, Tell me, Ms. Porter, how come you're working in a lunch wagon?

[Bonnie Porter]

Oh, because my brother wants to be a doctor, and my kid sister needs her teeth straightened. My pop works in a bakery. Besides. Well, here's where I live. Come on in.

[Harold Lloyd]

No. You think it's all right?

[Bonnie Porter]

Oh, sure. Don't be scared. Come on. Anyone home? Now, wipe your feet good, Bonnie, and don't come tracking mud into the living room. This is Mr. Ferris, everybody. My mother.

[Harold Lloyd]

How do you do?

[Bonnie Porter]

My brother, Clan.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Hello.

[Bonnie Porter]

My kid sister, Twips. Hello.

[Harold Lloyd]

Hello.

[Bonnie Porter]

And that's Mom's brother over there, Uncle Jake.

[Harold Lloyd]

How do you do, sir?

[Victor Moore]

Hmm. Hello.

[Bonnie Porter]

Oh, Pop, come on up. I want you to meet someone.

[Victor Moore]

Be up right away, Barney. Got my hands full.

[Bonnie Porter]

Dad's working on one of his inventions. It's a hobby with him.

[Victor Moore]

Well, Bunny, I think I got one that'll work this time.

[Bonnie Porter]

Pop, I want you to meet Mr. Ferris.

[Victor Moore]

Huh? Oh. Oh. How you doing, Mr. Ferris? I'm glad to know you.

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, how do you do, Mr. Porter? I'm glad to know you, sir. Tell me, what sort of an invention are you working on?

[Victor Moore]

Invisible paint.

[Harold Lloyd]

Oh.

[Victor Moore]

You see, you paint something with it, and you can't see it.

[Harold Lloyd]

Mm. That should be wonderful for camouflage.

[Victor Moore]

Yeah, I'm kind of worried about it, though, huh? Yeah, I mixed up a batch of it and I put it in a can and I painted the can with it. Now I can't find it.

[Rosemary DeCamp]

Dumb paint.

[Victor Moore]

Mom, tell that brother of yours to mind his own business.

[Bonnie Porter]

Mr. Ferris, Uncle Jake and Pop don't speak to each other. Where are you from, young man? Mom, Mr. Ferris came into the diner tonight and he was hungry, so I thought maybe he could live here with us until he finds a job and a place to stay.

[Harold Lloyd]

Finds a job? Place to stay?

[Bonnie Porter]

Well, the way you followed me around, I knew you didn't have any place to sleep tonight. Well, now, look here, Bonnie. I'm not running a hotel.

[Victor Moore]

Oh, don't pay no attention, Mr. Ferris. We got plenty of room. Mom, your brother can sleep down the cellar with the rest of the mice.

[Bonnie Porter]

Now, you sure you're not having trouble with the police, Mr. Ferrett?

[Harold Lloyd]

Oh, no, no, no. I.

[Bonnie Porter]

Well, I. I guess you can stay tonight anyway. Oh, gee, swell. Oh, quiet, Twips. Go and get some fresh sheets.

[Victor Moore]

He's got a shifty look in his eye. Tell your brother he's looking in the mirror.

[Harold Lloyd]

And that's how it all started. I. I had found a real Kitty Farmer. It was Bonnie Porter. I stayed on with the family and let them think I was out looking for a job. Actually, though, I was taking down everything he said. No one suspected that Fletch and I were putting the Porters on the air as the Farmer family, true to life. Not even the president of Lemon and Twitchell who said.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Boys, I've read your first script. Congratulations. Why, Kitty Farmer's warm. She's real. She's human. In that family of hers. Oh, they're wonderful. If you keep it up, you can keep it up.

[Harold Lloyd]

Well.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Oh, there's plenty more material where that came from, Mr. Twitchell. Fine, fine. Hey, Link, what kind of a dame is this Bonnie?

[Harold Lloyd]

Oh, very ordinary. You wouldn't like her, Fletch. Not your type at all.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Now, suppose Bonnie, I mean, Kitty, met another fellow, rich, suave man about town. You know, give the story new complications, don't you think, huh?

[Harold Lloyd]

No, I don't think. Go on, pawn the typewriter.

[Bonnie Porter]

By the way, Mr. Ferrars, when are you going to get a job? Oh, now, Mom, Link hasn't really had a chance to look yet.

[Victor Moore]

Say, there is a job down at the bakery.

[Bonnie Porter]

Oh, Link, you could take it until something better comes along.

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, thanks, but I'm expecting something.

[Bonnie Porter]

If you ask me, oh, Twips, get away from that radio. Your food's getting cold. Okay, Mom. I'm just tuning in on the Farmer family.

[Mr. Twitchell]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you another episode in the new series the Farmer Family. As our story opens tonight.

[Bonnie Porter]

Pop.

[Victor Moore]

Farmers.

[Harold Lloyd]

That's a pretty bad show.

[Mr. Twitchell]

I've got a great idea for a submarine that flies.

[Victor Moore]

Some submarine.

[Harold Lloyd]

Don't you think we better have some music? Here, I'll change it.

[Bonnie Porter]

Oh, sit down, Mr. Ferris. We want to hear this. If your father had a little more gumption, he'd ask for a raise.

[Victor Moore]

That reminds me of someone I know.

[Bonnie Porter]

Sounds just like Mom.

[Harold Lloyd]

No.

[Bonnie Porter]

Blake. What's the matter?

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, I've got the.

[Victor Moore]

Hold your. Hold your nose and drink some water.

[Harold Lloyd]

There's only one thing that will stop it. I gotta sing.

[Bonnie Porter]

Now, Mr. Ferris, you get away from that piano. We want to hear this.

[Harold Lloyd]

So there she was. Yes, there she was.

[Bonnie Porter]

I didn't know you could sing.

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, that's just it. Your mother thinks I don't want to work because I won't take that job at the bakery. I've been trying to do something with my music. Oh, listen, Bonnie, do we have to have that radio on?

[Bonnie Porter]

No, Uncle Jake, turn the radio off.

[Victor Moore]

I want to hear this program, if you don't mind. Tell them we do mind. There. Say, Link, do you know Nellie Gray?

[Harold Lloyd]

I think so. How's it go?

[Victor Moore]

Oh, my darling Nellie Gray, they have taken you. Now, who is that?

[Bonnie Porter]

Well, that's probably the neighbors complaining. I'm.

[Dick Powell]

And who was at the door, Link?

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, it was good old Fletch, my AWOL partner. A W, O, L. Yes, a wolf on the loose. He passed me by as though I were a total stranger and asked to use the telephone. Kept his finger on the hook while he called the cops and reported a phony hold up. He must have wanted to meet Bonnie pretty badly because he was dressed fit to kill. I was wondering what the bounty was on. A wolf pelt. By the time he said.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Well, I. Afraid I must be going. And, Ms. Porter, tonight has been an adventure in more ways than one.

[Bonnie Porter]

Oh, thank you. If you ever get held up again in this neighborhood, drop in. There's always someone home.

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, I'll just see Mr. Fletcher to the door.

[Bonnie Porter]

Good night.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Good night, everybody.

[Harold Lloyd]

Now, listen here, Prince Charming. Get back to the castle and start typing.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Hey, Link, nice setup. I'll be glad to move in and do the research. Say, that Bonnie's a honey.

[Harold Lloyd]

Listen, brother.

[Bonnie Porter]

Mr. Ferris, I want to speak to you a moment privately.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Well, goodbye, Mr. Ferris. Ferris. Yes, I'll see what I can do for you.

[Bonnie Porter]

And now then, Mr. Ferris, I just thought I'd better tell you. At 5:00 in the morning you either get up and go to work at the bakery or you get up and get out.

[Harold Lloyd]

What time did you say?

[Bonnie Porter]

5:00.

[Harold Lloyd]

Oh, that's what I thought. You said.

[Dick Powell]

5:00 in the morning. To anyone who isn't used to it, that's an awfully early hour to get up.

[Victor Moore]

You can say that again, brother. You get out of bed, you're half groggy. The Roman stock. First thing you know, you trip over your slippers and fall flat in your face. You start to get up and you hit your head against a bureau drawer. That certainly is one of life's minor annoyances.

[Rosemary DeCamp]

Why be irritated? Light an Old Gold. Yes, smokers, there's a world of solid comfort and pleasure in an Old Gold.

[Victor Moore]

So you're up now and somebody forgot to turn on the heat. Your teeth are chattering like a magpie. You take one step and this time you fall over one of Junior's toys.

[Rosemary DeCamp]

Why be irritated? Light an Old Gold. Old Gold's tobaccos are conditioned with apple honey. And this special conditioning process helps hold in the natural moisture, helps prevent cigarette dryness.

[Victor Moore]

By now you're in the kitchen, the coffee is weak and cold and the toast tastes like charcoal.

[Rosemary DeCamp]

Why be irritated, Light and Old Gold. It's such a grand tasting smoke. Old Gold is a unique blend of many choice tobaccos, including imported Latakia tobaccos for extra flavor, extra flavor, extra pleasure. Plus apple honey which helps guard against cigarette dryness. That's Old Gold. Try a pack and see for yourself. Why, they've tripled in popularity.

[Dick Powell]

Yep. This is Harold Lloyd again. Mom, Pop, Jake, Fletch, Link and Bonnie. All of them true to life. Well, let's get back to our confusion. So you took the job at the bakery to stay on at the Porter's, eh, Link?

[Harold Lloyd]

Yes, but that wasn't the worst of it. Fletch started a campaign for Bonnie. Sent her orchids and a note. It was a dirty trick. And besides, my conscience was beginning to bother me. So right after dinner I went to see Fletch at our apartment.

[Mr. Twitchell]

All right, all right. So I did send Bonnie some flowers.

[Harold Lloyd]

No, I'm through. As of now, I consider the Farmer family orphans.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Why, Link, old man, you're not jealous of little harmless me, are you?

[Harold Lloyd]

That's got nothing to do with it. The Porters are nice people and I'm through using them.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Well, it's not hurting them any.

[Harold Lloyd]

It'll hurt them plenty if they ever find out about it. And I can't keep that radio of theirs out of order forever. Oh, it wouldn't be so bad if we could just do something for them.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Well, I'm for that, Link. Listen, I'll go down to the bakery in the morning and fix it up with a boss for the old man to get a raise. A big one. We'll pay for it ourselves. Hey, that'll go good on the show too. Pop gets a raise.

[Harold Lloyd]

Can't we ever do one human thing without getting our pound of flesh?

[Mr. Twitchell]

I knew you wouldn't let me down. Hey, you better get to bed. You have to be at that bakery at five.

[Harold Lloyd]

Yeah, I'm getting so little sleep these days I've got white circles under my eyes.

[Victor Moore]

Yes, sir, Link. Why, the boss ain't never given anybody over a two dollar raise and he gave me ten. I'm in the upper brackets now.

[Harold Lloyd]

Oh, you deserved it, Pop.

[Victor Moore]

Well, I bet you if that donut machine of mine.

[Nicole Byer]

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[Rosemary DeCamp]

BTW, terms and conditions 18 +.

[Victor Moore]

Had it worked. He'd given me 20. If only they'd have come out with holes in Joan.

[Harold Lloyd]

Yeah, it's too bad.

[Victor Moore]

I think we should have cocktails and some of those hoary Dorys before supper.

[Bonnie Porter]

Link, there's some place I want you to take me tonight.

[Harold Lloyd]

Where?

[Bonnie Porter]

Well, it's kind of a surprise. And if I tell you, you might not take me.

[Rosemary DeCamp]

Me?

[Bonnie Porter]

Well, how about it?

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, of course. I'll take you any place you say.

[Dick Powell]

Well, you were pretty puzzled, weren't you, Link?

[Harold Lloyd]

Plenty. Bonnie wouldn't tell me a thing. She just kept saying, come on, come on, you'll find out. And then, before I knew it, we were outside the apartment building where Fletch and I live.

[Victor Moore]

You?

[Rosemary DeCamp]

We're winning the spot.

[Dick Powell]

What did you do?

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, I tried to hang back, think of excuses, anything. But I was so busy trying to keep the doorman and the elevator boy from recognizing me that we were right in front of my apartment door before I realized this.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Bonnie, my sweet.

[Harold Lloyd]

Come in.

[Mr. Twitchell]

There's a roaring fire, a bottle of champagne just for the two of us.

[Harold Lloyd]

And Baby Mix three. Oh, yeah. So nice of you to have me up. Glad to see you, Mr. Marvin. Glad to see you.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Hey, got yourself quite a place here, Bonnie. I thought we had a date. I didn't know you were bringing Mr. Ferret along.

[Harold Lloyd]

Ferris is the name. Well, it's a nice dressing robe you're wearing, Mr. Marvin.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Thank you.

[Harold Lloyd]

Are you just getting up, or were you going to bed?

[Mr. Twitchell]

Well, I wasn't expecting.

[Bonnie Porter]

I guess you think it's pretty nervy of me, Mr. Marvin, to bring Link here.

[Harold Lloyd]

Oh, no, not at all.

[Bonnie Porter]

You're always saying there's nothing you wouldn't do for me. And. And Link here sings very well. Link. Mr. Marvin is a big radio executive, and maybe he could get you into radio.

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, think of that.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Bonnie. I never transact business at night.

[Bonnie Porter]

All I want you to do is to listen to Link sing.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Oh, I'd be glad to.

[Bonnie Porter]

Good.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Some other time.

[Harold Lloyd]

Oh, no, no, no, no. Bonnie brought me here to sing, and I'm going to sing. Well, sir, there she was. Yes, there she was.

[Bonnie Porter]

But I could call her. Suppose I did go to his apartment. I took you with me, didn't I?

[Harold Lloyd]

Yeah, but you made the date before you even asked me. Suppose I hadn't gone.

[Bonnie Porter]

You keep insinuating things, and so help me, I'll push you off the top of this bus.

[Harold Lloyd]

I warned you about that fella. He's a wolf.

[Bonnie Porter]

You should talk. You go out chasing every night.

[Harold Lloyd]

I've told you a million times, I don't go chasing.

[Bonnie Porter]

Should never have done anything for you in the first place. Maybe Mom's right.

[Harold Lloyd]

Nah. You're beginning to sound more and more like her.

[Bonnie Porter]

I hate you. I feel like I'm gonna cry.

[Harold Lloyd]

Go ahead, if it'll make you feel any better.

[Bonnie Porter]

Wouldn't give you the satisfaction.

[Harold Lloyd]

Then don't cry.

[Bonnie Porter]

Why don't you go to her?

[Harold Lloyd]

Oh, there is no her. There's only you. Now. There. Are you satisfied now that you made me say it?

[Bonnie Porter]

Link? Me? You mean you love me?

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, don't act so surprised.

[Bonnie Porter]

Oh, Link. Oh, darling, I can't wait to tell mom and Pop. Mom. Pop. Everybody wake up. Well, what are you all doing up?

[Victor Moore]

We've been waiting for you. You and Mr. Ferris.

[Bonnie Porter]

What's the matter?

[Victor Moore]

Mr. Ferris, this is Mr. Mammal.

[Rosemary DeCamp]

I'm your Uncle Jake's lawyer.

[Victor Moore]

And we're suing you and Marvin the advertising company for a hundred thousand bucks. How do you like that, Mr. Ferris?

[Bonnie Porter]

What in the world are you talking about, Uncle Jake?

[Harold Lloyd]

Bonnie. Bonnie, whatever happens, I want you to know that I meant every word I said to them.

[Bonnie Porter]

Huh?

[Victor Moore]

Yeah. Him and that Fletcher, Marvin, they're friends. They've been spying on us. We got the radio fixed and heard the whole program. We're that crazy Farmer family. You've been writing down everything we said and done. Spies. Gestapo.

[Bonnie Porter]

This isn't true, Link.

[Rosemary DeCamp]

Oh, it's quite true, Ms. Porter.

[Victor Moore]

And he's going to pay. Yeah, funny.

[Bonnie Porter]

But, Link, you were broke. We tried to help you.

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, I never said I was broke. Fletch and I just got started and it seemed to get out of hand.

[Victor Moore]

Yeah, you made me an old crackpot with a lot of crazy inventions.

[Bonnie Porter]

And me a nagging old hand.

[Victor Moore]

And me a loafer.

[Rosemary DeCamp]

Positive defamation of character.

[Bonnie Porter]

You made a fool of me. You and Fletch. You've been laughing at me.

[Harold Lloyd]

Bonnie, tonight I practically asked you to marry me. That was on the level, Mr. Ferris.

[Bonnie Porter]

You're not welcome here. You better go.

[Victor Moore]

Yeah, go on.

[Harold Lloyd]

Is that the way you feel about it, Ronnie?

[Bonnie Porter]

How do you think I feel? Lying to me? Why, you even proposed to me just to get material for that radio program of yours.

[Harold Lloyd]

You can't believe that.

[Bonnie Porter]

I believe you're the lowest form of animal life and I never want to see you again.

[Victor Moore]

Yeah. Now Jake's the head man around here. I'll never get a break. I'm a lost.

[Rosemary DeCamp]

You know, Mr. Lloyd, I think I can give Pop Porter some good advice.

[Dick Powell]

You can what?

[Rosemary DeCamp]

Why be irritated? Light an old gold. Yes. Many's the time you'll come up against one of life's little annoyances. And then perhaps you'll heed our friendly suggestion when we say why be irritated? Light an old gold. Now, a cigarette that's dry is a cigarette that's hot, burning and harsh and I don't have to tell you how a cigarette like that cuts down Your smoking pleasure becomes one of life's little annoyances.

[Mr. Twitchell]

But Old Gold is a unique blend of many fine tobaccos, including a touch.

[Rosemary DeCamp]

Of costly, extra flavorful. Lakhia Tobacco is conditioned with apple honey. This special conditioning process helps hold in the natural moisture.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Helps guard against cigarette dryness to give you more smoking pleasure. And since we all want more smoking.

[Rosemary DeCamp]

Pleasure, it's easy to see why Old Golds have tripled in popularity. Yes, not only tripled in popularity, but billions of them are being shipped to our forces overseas. And remember, the greater the shipment, the greater the pleasure to our service men and women who smoke Old Gold. Now, we're extremely sorry. There aren't enough Old Golds to satisfy all demands. And we're doing our level best to assure fair distribution. But keep in touch with your dealer and ask again for Old Gold because it's certainly worth keeping in touch with. A cigarette Conditioned with apple honey to help prevent cigarette dryness. That's old. Go.

[Dick Powell]

Well, Link, Bonnie would have nothing to do with either of you. And the Porters sued. What about Mr. Twitchell?

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, Harold, when Fletch and I went down to see him the next morning, he seemed a little upset.

[Victor Moore]

Upset?

[Mr. Twitchell]

Why, you blasted idiots. You've ruined Lemon and Twitchell. That's what you've done. I paid my good money for writers, creators, not a couple of Peeping Toms.

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, it was a good idea. It just backfired, that's all.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Lawsuits. That's what I'm getting. You're fired, both of you. And you'll never work again. I'll see to that. Now, wait a minute. I think I've got it. Now, look, we'll stay on the air. Tell the public there is a Farmer family, but their real name is Porter. Tell them that everything they've heard or.

[Rosemary DeCamp]

About to hear is true.

[Mr. Twitchell]

That's an admission of guilt.

[Harold Lloyd]

Sure, but you don't have a case Anyway. So Fletch and I went on the air and told the truth. The program stood the country on its ear overnight. The Porters became famous.

[Victor Moore]

Yeah, I'd say we did. They took our pictures. People started coming to the house to meet us. We finally had to charge admission. In fact, the house is full of tourists when Lawyer Mammal rushed in, all out of breath.

[Dick Powell]

Mr. Porter.

[Rosemary DeCamp]

Mr. Porter, I've got great moves. We're not suing for 100,000.

[Victor Moore]

We're suing for a million dollars. A million dollars?

[Mr. Twitchell]

Yes.

[Victor Moore]

Now, we've got a lot of papers to sign. Let's get this crowd out of here. Everybody out. Everybody Out.

[Bonnie Porter]

Well, now, what's the trouble?

[Victor Moore]

No trouble at all. We're going to get a million dollars.

[Bonnie Porter]

A million dollars? Why, we can have a house in Long Island.

[Victor Moore]

Yeah.

[Bonnie Porter]

You better take care of this house first. I'm packed and leaving. What? Bonnie, where are you going? To the YWCA to live.

[Victor Moore]

But why?

[Bonnie Porter]

Because you've turned this house into a freak show. You're suing because they showed us up to be a bunch of screwballs on that radio program. Well, we're acting like screwballs, and I won't have any part of it. Goodbye. Bonnie, wait.

[Victor Moore]

Oh, my goodness. Oh, I know what's eating her. She's in love with one of those radio writers.

[Rosemary DeCamp]

Well, let her go.

[Victor Moore]

We've got just as good a case without her. Oh, have we? Here, give me those papers. Don't tear those up.

[Rosemary DeCamp]

Are you going crazy?

[Victor Moore]

Bonnie's right. I just realized it. We are a lot of Daffy dills if we claim that Farmer family has hurt us any. Didn't they make me foreman down at the bakery? They ain't my picture on every bread wrapper. They've done us a favor. If you think we're going to pass up a chance to make a.

[Bonnie Porter]

Shut up. Jake and Pop. You're right. And now, Mr. Mammal, we won't be needing you.

[Victor Moore]

No. Go chase yourself an ambulance. Now, you look here. I put a lot of work on this case. Well, send your bill to Jake here. He hides, you sue him. That's an idea. I wish you would sue him. Why?

[Rosemary DeCamp]

You can't.

[Bonnie Porter]

On your way, on your way.

[Victor Moore]

Now, mom, you go after bombing. Bring her home. I'll take care of that love situation. I ain't an inventor for nothing.

[Dick Powell]

But, Pop, that love situation looks pretty hopeless to me.

[Victor Moore]

Don't worry, harold. Me and Mr. Twitch will fix it up so that I can get the boys over to the house and. And get Bonnie to decide which one of them she was in love with. And broadcast it, too, on the radio. So from Maine to California, they'd know her answer.

[Dick Powell]

Broadcast it. Did Bonnie agree to that?

[Victor Moore]

Oh, Bonnie didn't know nothing about it. Neither did Link or Fletch. You see, them fellas from the radio station came here beforehand and put a microphone in a vase of flowers right on our own dining room table. Oh, it was exciting. And then when time came to go in the air, I just managed to get Bonnie up close to that vase. She didn't even suspect a thing when in walks Link and Fletch.

[Bonnie Porter]

Pop, what do you mean by bringing them in here? I don't want to see them.

[Victor Moore]

Oh, yes, you do.

[Bonnie Porter]

Oh, no, I don't.

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, if that's the way you feel about it.

[Victor Moore]

Oh, no. No, you don't. Nobody leaves this room until we talk everything over.

[Bonnie Porter]

There's nothing to talk about.

[Mr. Twitchell]

You're right. Let's get out of here.

[Victor Moore]

Now, wait, boys. Bonnie, you know you're in love with one of these boys. 30 million people out there are waiting for you to make up your mind. Now, which one of them are you going to marry?

[Bonnie Porter]

I'm not going to marry anyone. Is that clear? I won't stand for this.

[Victor Moore]

Now, just a minute. Just come back here to this table. I'm not through yet. You listen to me, Bonnie. Ever since the night Link left, you've been mooning around the house like a stray cat.

[Bonnie Porter]

Oh, I have not.

[Victor Moore]

Don't let her fool you, folks.

[Bonnie Porter]

What?

[Victor Moore]

I want to repeat that.

[Harold Lloyd]

Now, Bonnie. Bonnie. Look, Bonnie, if you're just being stubborn, I want to repeat that I love you.

[Victor Moore]

Yeah. Hey, now we're getting someplace, folks.

[Bonnie Porter]

Are you feeling all right, Pop?

[Harold Lloyd]

Look, Bonnie. Bonnie, let's not fight like a couple of kids.

[Bonnie Porter]

I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man in the world.

[Victor Moore]

Bonnie, does that mean you're gonna marry Fletch?

[Harold Lloyd]

It does not, really.

[Bonnie Porter]

Well, at least he's an improvement over you.

[Victor Moore]

Looks like she's proposing to you, Fletch, doesn't it, folks?

[Mr. Twitchell]

Well, I'd consider it a very great honor, Bonnie.

[Harold Lloyd]

But, Bonnie, he's a Jekyll and Hyde. You wouldn't put up with him for a week, and he knows it.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Link's right, you know. When night begins to fall, something happens to me. My fangs begin to drip.

[Bonnie Porter]

Why, what do you mean?

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, he likes to prowl.

[Bonnie Porter]

How wonderful. We'll prowl together.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Hey, but, Bonnie.

[Harold Lloyd]

Well, in that case, I'll leave you two loved ones.

[Mr. Twitchell]

Now, Link, wait a minute now.

[Victor Moore]

Hey, come back here. Link, Wait a minute.

[Harold Lloyd]

All right, Bonnie, but let's stop this pretending. Are you gonna marry me or not?

[Bonnie Porter]

Well, if you don't mind taking a girl who's almost been turned down.

[Victor Moore]

Whoopee. She's gonna marry Link. I hope you folks listening in are as happy about this as I am.

[Bonnie Porter]

Whoopie.

[Victor Moore]

Hey. Oh, my goodness. I broke your mother's best face.

[Bonnie Porter]

Pop, what's that microphone doing there?

[Victor Moore]

Why, we're on the air right now.

[Bonnie Porter]

So you boys have been up to some of your old tricks.

[Victor Moore]

Why, you. Now, Bunny, wait. Wait.

[Dick Powell]

Oh, no.

[Bonnie Porter]

You linked Sarah's. You lying, cheating rat. Ouch.

[Victor Moore]

Bunny, stop it. Ouch.

[Bonnie Porter]

Bonnie.

[Victor Moore]

Oh, Mom's best stitches. The boys didn't know anything more about it than you did.

[Bonnie Porter]

They didn't.

[Victor Moore]

Oh.

[Bonnie Porter]

Oh, Link, darling.

[Harold Lloyd]

Oh.

[Victor Moore]

Folks, this is Pop Porter signing off, saying, ain't it wonderful? Mom and me started out this same happy way. And I never regretted a minute of it. Have I, Mom? No, I haven't. I made up to.

[Bonnie Porter]

Now.

[Victor Moore]

Now, this is Harold Lloyd, Victor Moore.

[Bonnie Porter]

Dick Powell and Rosemary decann saying good.

[Dick Powell]

Night to you for Old Gold. And I hope you'll be with us again next Sunday when the Old Gold Comedy Theater presents Linda Darnell Lee Bowman in the Vicious Lady. See you then.

[Rosemary DeCamp]

True to Life was presented by arrangement with Paramount Pictures, producers of. And now tomorrow, we thank the Fitch bandwagon for the appearance of Dick Powell. Victor Moore is now making Duffy's Tavern at Paramount. And this is Bob Williams saying good night until next week. And in the meantime, don't let little annoyances get you down. Why be irritated? Write an Old Gold. It's conditioned with apple honey to help guard against cigarette dryness and give you more smoking pleasure.

[Harold Lloyd]

This is the National Broadcasting Company.

[Nicole Byer]

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[Rosemary DeCamp]

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[Mr. Twitchell]

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[Nicole Byer]

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[Mr. Twitchell]

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