Our Miss Brooks 48-04-09 (000) Audition Show (Shirley Booth)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio Episode - "Our Miss Brooks 48-04-09 (000) Audition Show (Shirley Booth)"

Release Date: February 19, 2025
Title: Our Miss Brooks 48-04-09 (000) Audition Show (Shirley Booth)
Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
Description: Relive the charm of the Golden Age of Radio with classic episodes of beloved shows. This episode features Shirley Booth as the endearing and quirky schoolteacher, Miss Brooks, navigating humorous mishaps and romantic entanglements.

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Overview

In this audition episode of Our Miss Brooks, Shirley Booth brings to life the lovable and somewhat scatterbrained English teacher, Miss Brooks. Set in the early hours of a school day, the episode showcases Miss Brooks's attempts to make a favorable impression on the newly appointed president of the school board, Osgood Conklin. The storyline intertwines Miss Brooks's interactions with her neighbors, students, and Mr. Conklin, delivering a blend of comedy, romance, and misunderstandings characteristic of classic radio sitcoms.

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Main Plot Points

1. Early Morning Mishaps ([00:45] - [03:34])

   • Miss Brooks wakes up late, dreaming of Mr. Boynton, the biology teacher, and frets about making a good impression on Osgood Conklin, the new school board president.
   • Mrs. Davis, Miss Brooks’s neighbor, tries to persuade her to eat Armenian pancakes despite Miss Brooks's allergies, setting a comedic tone for the day.

2. The School Day Begins ([03:34] - [14:37])

   • Walter Denton, a student, arrives to drive Miss Brooks to school despite her preference for driving herself.
   • Miss Brooks engages in a humorous conversation with Walter about his failed relationship with Ruth and encourages him with pancakes, highlighting her nurturing personality.
   • Osgood Conklin makes his first appearance, showing his stern demeanor, which contrasts with Miss Brooks's cheerful disposition. A minor car incident between Miss Brooks and Mr. Conklin sets the stage for their strained relationship.

3. Classroom Dynamics ([14:37] - [30:18])

   • Mr. Conklin observes Miss Brooks's classroom, leading to awkward interactions when Miss Brooks attempts to maintain professionalism.
   • Miss Brooks tries to read a poem, which results in humorous mishaps with her students, showcasing her lovable incompetence.
   • The tension between Miss Brooks and Mr. Conklin escalates when diary entries reveal Mr. Boynton's admiration for Miss Brooks, adding layers to the romantic subplot.

4. Evening Confrontations ([30:18] - [32:29])

   • The episode culminates in a dinner scene where misunderstandings peak. Miss Brooks confronts the revelations about Mr. Boynton's feelings and Mr. Conklin's suspicions about her relationship with Walter Denton.
   • Mr. Conklin's arrival at dinner leads to a comedic yet tense resolution, emphasizing the themes of reputation and personal relationships within the school community.

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Character Interactions and Humor

• Miss Brooks is portrayed as a well-meaning but often clumsy teacher whose attempts to impress others frequently lead to comedic situations. Her interactions with Mrs. Davis provide light-hearted moments, especially when dealing with her allergies and exaggerated household mishaps.

• Walter Denton serves as a source of youthful infatuation and misguided romance, creating humorous tension as he navigates his feelings for Miss Brooks.

• Mr. Boynton, the biology teacher, is depicted as earnest but awkward, particularly in his attempts to express his admiration for Miss Brooks, adding to the episode's romantic comedy elements.

• Osgood Conklin, the new school board president, embodies authority and sternness, often clashing with Miss Brooks's relaxed and humorous approach to teaching.

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Notable Quotes

• Miss Brooks ([00:56]): "You know, it's a funny thing. I'm always careful about standing in a dress. No matter how careful I am, I always get a pain in the neck."

• Miss Brooks ([01:12]): "Maybe you think a school teacher's life is dull. Well, it is. But there are moments when even Ms. Brooks's life can be as romantic and glamorous as a movie star's."

• Mrs. Davis ([02:11]): "It's only a quarter after seven."
  (Miss Brooks realizes she's late)

• Miss Brooks ([06:12]): "Walter, this isn't an auction. I'm not a day old."

• Mr. Conklin ([22:14]): "Frankly, Miss Brooks, to stay out of the soup, you've got to use your noodle."
  (A play on words that highlights his dry humor)

• Miss Brooks ([29:25]): "Ever since I got up this morning, all I wanted to do was to make a good impression on you, Mr. Conklin. My knees knock like castanets, but they're not knocking anymore. I'm as steady as a clock."
  (Expressing her frustration and determination)

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Insights and Themes

• Reputation vs. Reality: Miss Brooks’s efforts to maintain a professional and likable persona often clash with her genuine, albeit flawed, nature. This tension is a central theme, exploring how individuals balance personal authenticity with societal expectations.

• Romantic Misunderstandings: The romantic entanglements between Miss Brooks, Mr. Boynton, and Walter Denton provide comedic relief while highlighting the complexities of workplace relationships.

• Authority and Authority Figures: Mr. Conklin's strict demeanor contrasts with Miss Brooks’s laid-back approach, illustrating the challenges of adapting to new leadership within an institution.

• Humor in Everyday Life: The episode emphasizes finding laughter in mundane situations, showcasing the timeless appeal of situational comedy rooted in relatable scenarios.

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Conclusion

This episode of Our Miss Brooks masterfully blends humor, romance, and relatable workplace dynamics through the endearing character of Shirley Booth as Miss Brooks. From early morning chaos to evening confrontations, the narrative captures the essence of classic radio sitcoms, delivering laughs and charm in equal measure. Notably, the interplay between Miss Brooks and Mr. Conklin sets up future tensions and comedic opportunities, ensuring listeners remain engaged and entertained.

For fans of vintage radio shows and newcomers alike, this episode offers a delightful glimpse into the timeless antics of a beloved schoolteacher striving to navigate the humorous pitfalls of daily life and romance.

Transcript

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[Shirley Booth]

We bring you the new comedy show, our Ms. Brooks starring Shirley Booth.

[Ms. Brooks]

You know, it's a funny thing. I'm always careful about standing in a dress. No matter how careful I am, I always get a pain in the neck. Teaching English too.

[Shirley Booth]

Our Ms. Brooks. Have you met her yet? Maybe you think a school teacher's life is dull. Well, it is. But there are moments when even Ms. Brooks life can be as romantic and glamorous as a movie stars. It's when she's dreaming. And especially when she's dreaming about Mr. Boynton, the biology teacher. It's a few minutes after seven in the morning and the Davis family, with whom Ms. Brooks lives, is still asleep. And so is Ms. Brooks.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, Mr. Boynton.

[Mr. Boynton]

I love you, Ms. Brooks.

[Ms. Brooks]

Kiss me, Mr. Boynton. Oh, Mr. Boynton.

[Walter Denton]

Ms. Brooks.

[Mrs. Davis]

Oh, Ms. Brooks.

[Ms. Brooks]

Can you be again, Mr. Boynton? Nice. Mr. Boynton. Mr. Brooks.

[Mrs. Davis]

Ms. Brooks, you have to go to school.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh no, Mr. Boynton. I don't have to go to school for this. This comes naturally.

[Mrs. Davis]

Oh dear, you don't understand. You've slept through your alarm.

[Ms. Brooks]

I was. Oh, no. What time is it, Mrs. Davis?

[Mrs. Davis]

It's all right, dear. It's only a quarter after seven.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, a quarter after seven. A quarter after seven. I'm late. I mean, I will be if I don't rush. Will you hand me my slip? Yes.

[Mrs. Davis]

Here you are.

[Ms. Brooks]

I've got to hurry. Today's a very important day at school. The faculty's going to meet the new president of the school board, Osgood Conklin. And this is no day to be late.

[Mrs. Davis]

Well, it certainly isn't. Did you say Osgood Conklin?

[Ms. Brooks]

Yes. Why? Did you ever hear of him?

[Mrs. Davis]

Hear of him? Why, I've known Osgood for years. We were school children together. Just imagine, little Stony Face Conklin growing up to be a school board president.

[Ms. Brooks]

Stony Face? Conklin, he always hated to laugh.

[Mrs. Davis]

I remember the high school dancers he kept requesting. Only one song. Gloomy Sunday.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, fine. He sounds like fun. I wonder how he feels about teachers breathing.

[Mrs. Davis]

I think he's for it.

[Ms. Brooks]

Well, if he isn't, I could cut it out in a minute. Ride along with eating. Hey, I better wash up and get my face on first. New school board presidents don't like to wait for teachers. Is that you, Ms. Brooks?

[Mrs. Davis]

Oh, I have a wonderful surprise for Bruce.

[Ms. Brooks]

I'm sorry, Mrs. Davis. I just have time to get my galoshes.

[Mrs. Davis]

Oh, but you can't go without trying my Armenian pancakes. They've been setting for five days so the goat's milk would be good and sour.

[Ms. Brooks]

But, Mrs. Davis, I'm allergic to goats.

[Mrs. Davis]

Now, you just take one teensy weeny bite off this fork. Don't pay any attention to the smell.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, really, Mrs. Davis.

[Mrs. Davis]

There.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Isn't that delicious?

[Mrs. Davis]

Oh, Armenians would never go into battle without one.

[Ms. Brooks]

Did they shoot them out of cannons? Ruth, that water for you.

[Mrs. Davis]

Oh, swallow it, Miss Brooks. It's a crime to throw them away.

[Ms. Brooks]

It's a crime either way. Bonjour, Ms. Brooks.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Bonjour.

[Ms. Brooks]

Bonjour, Mother. Pancakes in the hall, Keldro.

[Mrs. Davis]

Oh, Ruth, when in Greece, do as the Greeks do. Speak English.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Oh, now, look.

[Mrs. Davis]

There's water honking for you.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, that worm can honk himself blue in the face for all I care. And he knows, but he's waiting out front. Then I'm going off back. Oh, we're born now.

[Mrs. Davis]

Oh, I don't know what to do with that girl.

[Ms. Brooks]

Well, there's always slip. Look at the time. I'll never make it.

[Mrs. Davis]

Oh, Ms. Brooks, aren't you finishing your pancake?

[Ms. Brooks]

Mrs. Davis, it's a question of who's finishing who.

[Mrs. Davis]

But it's nourishing, dear. Just roll it up and take it with you.

[Ms. Brooks]

But I. Oh, dear, Walter came over.

[Mrs. Davis]

Here all this way for nothing.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, no, he didn't. He may be expecting Ms. Garbo in bobby socks, but he's getting Ms. Brooks in galoshes. Oh, Walter. Walter, it's awfully nice of you to drive me to school, but would you please be more careful?

[Walter Denton]

Oh, don't Worry about Betsy, Ms. Brooks. She drives herself.

[Ms. Brooks]

Yes, it wouldn't hurt to give her a hint now.

[Walter Denton]

So Ruth left by the back door, eh? Boy, does that burn me up after all the trouble I went through to get the car. I even missed my breakfast.

[Ms. Brooks]

You did? Well, you're just the one I'm looking for. Have A pancake.

[Walter Denton]

A pancake. I don't know whether I should or not. I feel so unsettled.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, these will settle you, Walter, I promise. Tell me, what happened between you and Ruth.

[Walter Denton]

She read a book.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, that always leads to.

[Mrs. Davis]

Which book?

[Walter Denton]

Ah, Book of the Great Love Letters in History or something. Now, she says all she believes in is spiritual love.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, and you don't?

[Walter Denton]

Well, I believe in it, Ms. Brooks, but how do you do it?

[Ms. Brooks]

I see what you mean. You see, Walter, it's just that Ruth doesn't appreciate yet that a man is a thing to be treasured.

[Walter Denton]

Well, when will she appreciate that?

[Ms. Brooks]

When she gets to be my age.

[Walter Denton]

Oh, I couldn't wait that long, Ms. Brooks.

[Ms. Brooks]

Now, wait a minute. How old do you think I am? 35, Walter. 40, Walter.

[Walter Denton]

45.

[Ms. Brooks]

Walter, this isn't an auction. I'm not a day old. Walter, look out. That car.

[Walter Denton]

I saw it. Say, I've got a great idea.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, you mean you've decided to drive on the right side of the street?

[Walter Denton]

No, seriously. I'll write her a letter. Something that will break her heart and burn her up. I can knock it off at school today.

[Ms. Brooks]

Walter, what makes you think we're going to get to school today?

[Walter Denton]

Say, if I brought the letter over to you tonight after dinner, Miss Brooks, would you look it over for me?

[Mrs. Weaver]

Yes, yes.

[Ms. Brooks]

Yes, Walter, anything.

[Walter Denton]

We'll keep it a secret that you help me. I'll make it spiritual, see?

[Ms. Brooks]

Walter, please.

[Walter Denton]

That car right up to the very end. And, Walter.

[Ms. Brooks]

And then I'll let her have.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Miss Brooks.

[Walter Denton]

Oh, Miss Brooks, what are you doing on the floor?

[Mrs. Weaver]

I'm not sure, Walter.

[Ms. Brooks]

But while I'm down here, would you like me to check your ignition?

[Mr. Conklin]

Look here, young man. Anyone who drives like that shouldn't be allowed on a kiddie car.

[Ms. Brooks]

Me?

[Walter Denton]

Listen, what's the idea having your fender so far out in the road?

[Mr. Conklin]

Young man, if you're trying to imply that I.

[Ms. Brooks]

Please, will somebody please take me up off the floor?

[Walter Denton]

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Brooks. I forgot. Are you all right?

[Ms. Brooks]

I'm just fine, thanks. I love having my foot in my face.

[Walter Denton]

Here, here, here, I'll help you. Everything okay?

[Ms. Brooks]

Yes, Walter. Everything's okay. In slightly different order, but okay.

[Mr. Conklin]

Well, young woman, I hope this teaches you what comes of joy riding.

[Ms. Brooks]

Joy riding?

[Mr. Conklin]

Yes.

[Ms. Brooks]

You call what I've been doing joyriding? I'll thank you to control your temper.

[Mr. Conklin]

Temper?

[Ms. Brooks]

Why, this Boy, I haven't any time for further discussion. Goodbye, Walter, and thanks for the ride. If you'll pardon the Expression.

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[Ms. Brooks]

Now you want to get mixed up.

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[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, oh, oh.

[Mr. Conklin]

All righty.

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[Walter Denton]

Oh, don't forget tonight.

[Mr. Conklin]

Ms. Brooks, that's one of the most offensive young women I've ever met.

[Walter Denton]

Say, do you know who she is?

[Mr. Conklin]

Who?

[Walter Denton]

That just happens to be one of the best teachers we got over at South High Vaxel.

[Mr. Conklin]

Well, that's very interesting. Do you know who I am? Who? I just happen to be the new president of the school board, that's all.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Well, good afternoon, Ms. Brooks.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, Ms. Weaver. Am I that late?

[Mrs. Weaver]

Well, not really. It's just that everyone else arrived with the dawn to prepare for the Right honorable Osgood Conklin.

[Ms. Brooks]

They did?

[Mrs. Weaver]

I've never seen the faculty in such a state.

[Mrs. Davis]

Why, I walked by the gymnasium and.

[Mrs. Weaver]

There was Ms. Hooper polishing her dumbbells.

[Ms. Brooks]

Where's Mr. Darwell, our principal?

[Mrs. Davis]

Yeah, in there in his office, chewing.

[Mrs. Weaver]

On his Phi Beta Kappa tea.

[Mrs. Davis]

It's really getting him down.

[Mrs. Weaver]

He's watered his begonia three times.

[Ms. Brooks]

Well, I better get to my room and do something about my condition. My hair's a mess.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Why worry, Ms. Brooks? A teacher's hair is just the place to put pencils. Oh, good morning, Mr. Barton.

[Mr. Conklin]

Morning, Ms. Weaver.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, Mr. Boynton.

[Mr. Boynton]

Ms. Brooks.

[Mrs. Weaver]

There are your attendance reports, Mr. Boynton.

[Ms. Brooks]

And here's your mail, Mr. Boynton.

[Mr. Boynton]

Thank you.

[Ms. Brooks]

Isn't it nice we're in the same box?

[Mr. Boynton]

Well, both of our names begin with.

[Ms. Brooks]

B. Mr. Boynton, you have such a quick mind.

[Mr. Boynton]

Well, it is thorough.

[Ms. Brooks]

Yes, terribly. But sometimes I think you tax it too much. You probably need more recreation. You know what I mean?

[Mr. Boynton]

Carrying on my biology experiments is recreation enough.

[Ms. Brooks]

You don't know what I Mean, of course.

[Mr. Boynton]

I used to collect stamps. That was pretty exciting.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh my, yes. There's no end to possibilities. Have you ever tried your hand at beadwork?

[Mr. Conklin]

No.

[Mr. Boynton]

Is that fun?

[Ms. Brooks]

Fun? Why, it makes you tingle all over.

[Mr. Boynton]

You must show me how it's done sometime.

[Ms. Brooks]

And basket weaving can be fun. Really? Oh, sure, if we're both inside the same basket.

[Mr. Boynton]

Ms. Brooks, if you don't mind my changing the subject, are you busy tonight?

[Ms. Brooks]

Busy? Me? Well, Mr. Boynton, I couldn't be un busier.

[Mr. Boynton]

I'd like to come over after dinner. That is, if we can be alone.

[Ms. Brooks]

Alone? Oh, we'll be practically isolated, Mr. Boynton.

[Mr. Boynton]

You see what I had in mind.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Mr. Boyden, you'd better be getting to your classrooms. Mr. Conklin's arrived.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, has he, Mrs. Hour?

[Mrs. Weaver]

Yes, and frankly he's not in a very good mood. So I'm particularly anxious to have everything go well. Incidentally, Ms. Brooks, your class will be among the first visitors.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, I'll be ready for you, Mrs. Our good.

[Mrs. Weaver]

And you know, Ms. Brooks, nothing is more important than a first impression.

[Ms. Brooks]

All right, class, let me have your attention, please. Mr. Conklin, the new school board president is at South High today. And if he should visit our class, there's no reason to be nervous or self conscious. We'll just go on in our normal manner and I'm sure I'll get that salary rate. We'll do fine. Now to take up where we left off yesterday.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Ah, pardon me, Ms. Brooks. Mr. Conklin and I just happen to be passing by.

[Ms. Brooks]

Well, you come right in, Mr. Darwin.

[Mrs. Weaver]

This way, Mr. Conklin. Mr. Conklin, this is our Ms. Brooks.

[Mr. Conklin]

That's Ms. Brooks?

[Ms. Brooks]

Yes, that's Mr. Cronklin. Bronson, I mean.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Oh, you two have met.

[Mr. Conklin]

Well, you might say we ran into each other this morning.

[Mrs. Weaver]

That was Ms. Brooks. Well, Mr. Conklin, I have an idea.

[Mr. Conklin]

Yes?

[Mrs. Weaver]

Why don't we skip the English and drop in on manual training? They have a splendid collection of hand decorated door.

[Mr. Conklin]

No, no, no, Mr. Darwell. I am particular interested in watching Ms. Brooks conduct her class.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Oh, well, suppose you go right on with your class, Ms. Brooks. We'll just sit at the back of the room and probably learn something too.

[Ms. Brooks]

Yes. Now class, I'm going to read these lines and I want you to tell me whom. I mean. Who?

[Mrs. Weaver]

No, whom.

[Ms. Brooks]

I want you to tell me the name of the authority. So faithful in love, so counseling in war. Pardon me. So dauntless in war. Never was there a knight like young Lochinvar Hands, please. No hands. You've all got them, you know. Just look at the ends of your sleeves. Ah, there's the hand, Winona. You can always depend on Winona. Who wrote those lines, Winona? I don't know, Ms. Brooks. I just want to leave the room. Great.

[Mr. Conklin]

Mr. Darwell, I think I've heard all I care to in this class. Let's go on to manual training.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Very well, Mr. Conklin. I'll be right with you.

[Mr. Conklin]

Very well, Mr. Darwell.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Ms. Brooks.

[Ms. Brooks]

Yes, Mrs. Darwell. I'll just lower the shades to half, Master. Leave quietly.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Well, it was an unfortunate beginning, Mr. Brook. But for the rest of the day, why don't you, well, sort of keep.

[Ms. Brooks]

In the background, Mr. Darwell. You won't be able to tell me from the wallpaper. Hello, Mr. Boyton.

[Mr. Boynton]

Well, good morning, Ms. Brooks. Come right in.

[Ms. Brooks]

I just happen to be passing your by laboratory. And I just dropped in to see what time you were coming over tonight.

[Mr. Boynton]

Tonight?

[Ms. Brooks]

Yes. You see, one of my students is dropping by so I can look over a letter he's writing.

[Mr. Boynton]

I'm not sure I can make it at all. Now, Ms. Brooks, I'm worried about Violet.

[Ms. Brooks]

Violet?

[Mr. Boynton]

The white mutated mouse I told you about.

[Ms. Brooks]

But, Mr. Boynton. Daddy.

[Mr. Boynton]

There, Violet, sweetheart. You know I don't like the feel of her stomach, Mr. Bon. It's lumpy.

[Mr. Conklin]

Mr.

[Ms. Brooks]

Boy, you. You told me that you wanted to come over tonight, and I.

[Mr. Boynton]

Well, frankly, I don't think I should leave Violet when she's in this condition. You understand, I have to.

[Ms. Brooks]

Yes, I know. You have to sit up with a sick brat.

[Mr. Conklin]

Mouse.

[Ms. Brooks]

Mouse.

[Mr. Boynton]

Violet's delicate, but she's sweet. Of course, she's a little peek at today day.

[Ms. Brooks]

Maybe she worries about her lumpy stomach. I would.

[Mr. Boynton]

Well, I don't know what it is. You know, I think I'd better have a look at her cage. Hold her a minute here.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[Mr. Boynton]

She'll be all right if you just handle her gently.

[Mr. Conklin]

Here.

[Ms. Brooks]

He attacked me.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Ms. Brock, get down off that.

[Ms. Brooks]

I dare. She fell right at the table. I'll get her if you just.

[Mr. Boynton]

And let go of your skirt.

[Mrs. Weaver]

This, Mr. Con, is our biology. Why, Ms. Brooks, what are you doing up on that desk? And where is Mr. Bon?

[Ms. Brooks]

He's under the table with Violet, Mr. D. Violet.

[Mr. Conklin]

Well, now I know what goes on in the biology Laboratory.

[Ms. Brooks]

But, Mr. Conklin, it's just an experiment.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Mr. Conquer, I'm sure.

[Mr. Conklin]

Yes, so am I. Very sure.

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[Mr. Conklin]

Come, Mr. Darwell. I suggest we come back later after they get Violet out from under the table.

[Ms. Brooks]

But, Mr. Klink. A tonk.

[Mrs. Davis]

Oh, get it.

[Mr. Boynton]

Finally got violet, Ms. Brooks.

[Ms. Brooks]

So I see.

[Mr. Boynton]

Isn't she a beauty?

[Ms. Brooks]

Ravishing.

[Mr. Boynton]

And to think she's mine.

[Ms. Brooks]

Yes, just think. And you know something, Mr. Bon? Why, you make a lovely couple.

[Shirley Booth]

You're listening to our Ms. Brooks, a new comedy show starring Ms. Shirley Booth. Poor Ms. Brooks. She got up this morning determined to make a good impression on the new president of the school board, Osgood Conklin. But somehow she hit him the wrong way. Or rather the car she was driving to school in did. And events from that point on didn't go well. It's after school now and Ms. Brooks is in her room at the Davis home lying down, entertaining some dark thoughts.

[Ms. Brooks]

I think I'll run away from it all and go to Brooklyn or somewhere. Maybe I could go to Africa and teach the natives. No, the school board president would probably turn out to be a cannibal. Probably have me right at home. Have me for dinner the first day I can see it. Now for an appetizer. Tonight we'll have Ms. Brooks on toast. Think. Even as schoolboy he was called Stony Faced Conklin. Why did he ever have to grow up? Somebody should have prevented it. Parents are so careless.

[Mr. Conklin]

Of course, we're old friends, Margaret, but. No, I haven't anything against Ms. Brooks, but. Yes, I know she lives with you. But I can't possibly. But I can't.

[Walter Denton]

But I, I.

[Mr. Conklin]

All right, Margaret. All right. I'll come to dinner tonight. Yes. 6:30. Goodbye, Margaret. Ms. Douglas.

[Ms. Brooks]

Yes, Mrs. Douglas.

[Mr. Conklin]

Send out for a box of aspirin, please.

[Mrs. Davis]

Yes, sir.

[Ms. Brooks]

And Mrs. Denton is on her way and see you.

[Mr. Conklin]

Mrs. Denton?

[Ms. Brooks]

The president of the Women's Civic League.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Oh, no.

[Mr. Conklin]

Stop her. Tell her I've gone for the day. Tell her I've gone south. Tell her I. Why, Mrs. Denton, what a pleasant surprise.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Mr. Conklin, when you were running for president of the school board, I threw my Weight, which I must say is considerable. Behind you now, the least, I expect, mister.

[Mr. Conklin]

Naturally, I'm interested in your problem, Mrs. Denton.

[Mrs. Weaver]

I am a veritable tigress when it comes to my boy, Miss Conklin. A veritable tigress.

[Mr. Conklin]

Oh, yes. Yes, I can see that, miss.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Mr. Copley, not over a half hour ago, I heard my Walter tell Ruth Davis over the phone that he had a date tonight with an older woman, a teacher at South High.

[Mr. Conklin]

Oh, I'm sure you misunderstood, Mrs. Denton. Our students are allergic to teachers.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Mr. Cosman, you've never been a mother.

[Mr. Conklin]

I can see that, Mrs. Denton. I'm sure it's just and innocent.

[Mrs. Weaver]

No, Justin, listen to this. This fell out of Walter's notebook when he came home from school. Heal yourself, Ms. Conklin.

[Mr. Conklin]

I'm steel.

[Mrs. Weaver]

I can hardly bring myself to read it. At last I've got what I want. Red hair. And what a tough and sturdy, sturdy little body. What would you call that?

[Ms. Brooks]

Innocent, Ms. Cross?

[Mrs. Weaver]

Mr. Conklin.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, no, Mrs. Davis. You shouldn't have had Mr. Conklin to dinner tonight.

[Mrs. Davis]

Oh, now, imagine being afraid of our good Coxlin. He won't bite you.

[Ms. Brooks]

Maybe not. But why does he keep baring his fangs? Besides, I was counting on your going to the movies tonight. Mr. Boynton's coming.

[Mrs. Davis]

I'm not going to listen to another word. You come right in here with me, Osgood. You know Miss Brooks.

[Mr. Conklin]

Oh, yes. Good evening, Miss brooks.

[Ms. Brooks]

Good evening, Mr. Conklin.

[Mr. Conklin]

It's Conklin, Miss Brooks.

[Ms. Brooks]

I said Conklin, didn't I?

[Mrs. Davis]

Don't just stand there, dear. Sit down. Now, wasn't this a grand idea of?

[Mrs. Weaver]

Good.

[Mr. Conklin]

Fine.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, Mother's just full of ideas. And there's nothing you can do about it.

[Mrs. Davis]

Oh, Ruth, that's sweet. Oh, Miss Brooks.

[Ms. Brooks]

Yes?

[Mrs. Davis]

Your elbow, dear.

[Ms. Brooks]

My what?

[Mrs. Davis]

It's in the soup, dear.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, well, what's the difference? I've been in the soup all day.

[Mr. Conklin]

Frankly, Miss Brooks, to stay out of the soup, you've got to use your noodle.

[Mrs. Davis]

Why, I'm good. That's very, very funny. Don't you think so, Miss Brooks?

[Ms. Brooks]

What? Oh, yes. It's the funniest thing I ever heard.

[Mr. Conklin]

What is?

[Ms. Brooks]

We're laughing at your joke, Mr. Conklin. Noodle soup. Oh.

[Mr. Conklin]

Oh, that. Oh, yes, this is noodle soup.

[Ms. Brooks]

Not bad, was it, Mr. Conklin, I had no idea you were so clever, did you, Mrs. Davis?

[Mrs. Davis]

No, I just never heard of anything so funny.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, Mr. Conklin, did anyone ever tell you you had A wonderful sense of hum.

[Mr. Conklin]

Ms. Brooks, did anyone ever tell you you've got a wonderful sense of humor?

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, well, you really don't need a sense of humor to appreciate your jokes, Mr. Congress.

[Mr. Conklin]

Well, I. How do you mean that?

[Ms. Brooks]

I mean, that's so witty, that horrible concoction that's brewing in the kitchen.

[Mrs. Davis]

That's coffee, Ruth. Coffee? Yes, it's strained through grapefruit rind. It contains a little essence of garlic and a dash of Limburger cheese. It's Bulgarian coffee.

[Ms. Brooks]

Well, my heavens. No wonder they're always having trouble in the Balkans.

[Mrs. Davis]

Ruthie, I suppose you clear the table and then carry the coffee in here.

[Ms. Brooks]

Carry it, Mother. I think it's strong enough to walk in by itself. I'll help you, Ruth.

[Mrs. Davis]

Oh, no, no, no, dear.

[Ms. Brooks]

You just sit there.

[Mrs. Davis]

Osgood might like to tell another joke.

[Mr. Conklin]

Tell me, Miss Brooks, what happens when a teacher allows a student to become infatuated with her and then lead him on?

[Ms. Brooks]

Well, I imagine the student would keep the teacher after school.

[Mr. Conklin]

That's not funny, Miss Brooks. What this teacher's doing is serious.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, well, of course, it certainly is. It's terrible. What's she doing?

[Mr. Conklin]

She's having a rendezvous with one of her students at her house tonight.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, that's shocking. That's really shocking.

[Mrs. Davis]

Oh, yes, that is.

[Mr. Conklin]

We don't know who she is.

[Ms. Brooks]

I can't imagine any teacher who would.

[Mr. Conklin]

But the boy's name is Walter Denton.

[Ms. Brooks]

Well, if you ask me, they both ought to be. Who? Walter Denton. My Walter Denton?

[Mr. Conklin]

Why, what's the matter, Miss Brooks? You look as if you're in pain.

[Ms. Brooks]

Me? Oh, no. Is that. Is that the door?

[Mrs. Davis]

Ruth, see who it is.

[Ms. Brooks]

No, I'll go. I'm closest. Miss Bruce, don't run. Well, I always run after dinner. It helps my digestion. I'll replant that for you tomorrow, Mrs. Davis. Don't worry about it.

[Walter Denton]

DM hi, Ms. Brooks. Here I am, right on time. And, boy, what a letter I've written.

[Ms. Brooks]

Walter, come back here. Come out of the living room.

[Walter Denton]

There are a couple of words I'm not so sure of.

[Ms. Brooks]

Walter, you have to leave. You don't understand. Ruth, bring the coffee into the living room. Ruth.

[Walter Denton]

Why isn't she at the movies?

[Ms. Brooks]

Nobody's at the movies. I tried to tell you, Walter.

[Walter Denton]

Well, I can't let Ruth see me here. I'd be ruined.

[Ms. Brooks]

Water. Come out from behind that curtain. Water.

[Mrs. Davis]

Right in here, Osgood. Who was at the door, dear?

[Ms. Brooks]

What? Oh, it was the wrong number.

[Mr. Conklin]

The wrong number?

[Ms. Brooks]

Miss Brooks, I Mean the wrong house number, Mr. Conklin.

[Mrs. Davis]

Put the tray on the coffee table roof. And try to look more pleasant, dear.

[Ms. Brooks]

If no one objects, I'm going up to my room and brood.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Bonsoiro.

[Mr. Conklin]

Something wrong, Miss Brooks?

[Ms. Brooks]

Well, yes, dear.

[Mrs. Davis]

You seem so nervous. You're pulling all the threads out of that tassel.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, yes, I am. I guess no tassels safe near me, that's all. They don't make them like they did before the war, do they? I remember some tassels that you could pull on all day.

[Mrs. Davis]

Come and get your coffee, dear. It'll calm you. You know, the Bulgarians drink it flat on their back.

[Ms. Brooks]

I wish I were flat on my back and in Bulgaria.

[Mrs. Davis]

Osgood. It's stuffy in here, dear. Pull back those curtains. Open the window.

[Ms. Brooks]

No, not the curtain, please.

[Mrs. Davis]

Brooks, what is wrong?

[Ms. Brooks]

Drafts can be so dangerous. Why don't we go for a walk or a drive or something? Let's. Let's get out, shall we?

[Mr. Conklin]

Nonsense, Miss Brooks. I'll just open the window and you'll feel better.

[Ms. Brooks]

But, Mr. Broccoli.

[Mr. Conklin]

There we are.

[Ms. Brooks]

Well, where could he. I mean, how could he.

[Mrs. Davis]

Nerves aren't good.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, I'll be all right in a moment.

[Mrs. Davis]

Yes, you'd lay your head back against the couch and I'll get you a pillow. I always keep some here in the window seat. Just for emergencies.

[Ms. Brooks]

You never know when.

[Mrs. Davis]

Why, hello, Walter. Here you are, Miss.

[Ms. Brooks]

Walter Denson.

[Mrs. Davis]

Come out of my window.

[Mr. Conklin]

So that's Walter Denson.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, no. Hi, everybody.

[Mrs. Davis]

Walter, what are you doing in there?

[Walter Denton]

Well, I came here to see Miss Brooks. I thought we'd be alone, Walter.

[Ms. Brooks]

Well, now, Mr. Carson, I know how this must look, but it's really. It's really quite easy to explain.

[Mr. Conklin]

Easy, huh?

[Ms. Brooks]

Yes. Walter, you tell them why you came here tonight.

[Walter Denton]

Why, it's nobody's business but our own, Walter. But, Miss Brooks, we agreed that this was to be our secret.

[Ms. Brooks]

Walter, please, for the last time, explain.

[Walter Denton]

Well, if you gotta know, I came over because Miss Brooks said she'd help me with the letter I was writing to Ruth.

[Mrs. Davis]

Well, that was very sweet of Miss Brooks. Don't you think so, osda?

[Mr. Conklin]

Extremely. Now, let's hear you explain this, Miss Brooks.

[Ms. Brooks]

I don't understand.

[Mr. Conklin]

Just read it, Miss Brooks. It's a page from Walter's diary.

[Ms. Brooks]

Mine. At last I've got what I want. Red hair and what a tough and sturdy little body. Walter.

[Walter Denton]

I wish everybody would stop saying Walter. This isn't even my writing. Here, look at the other side. That's My biology notes from yesterday. Oh, I remember now. I asked Mr. Boynton to loan me a piece of paper.

[Mrs. Davis]

Mr. Boynton wrote that. Oh, Ms. Brooks, don't you get it?

[Ms. Brooks]

Get what?

[Mrs. Davis]

Said here it's you. Mr. Boynton's writing about me?

[Mrs. Weaver]

Just what he wanted.

[Ms. Brooks]

A tough and sturdy little. Well, I am strong.

[Mr. Conklin]

Surely you're not pleased, Ms. Brooks.

[Ms. Brooks]

I'm not. Well, I mean, I'm not.

[Mr. Boynton]

Good evening. The front door was open and I just.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, Mr. Boynton.

[Mr. Boynton]

I thought you said that we were going to be alone, Ms. Brooks.

[Mr. Conklin]

You too, Mr. Boynton. I'd like to know whether you wrote this or not.

[Mr. Boynton]

Let me see it. Yes, I wrote it. It was supposed to go in my diary.

[Mr. Conklin]

Diary? Yes.

[Mr. Boynton]

What's wrong with it anyway? She is strong and I did work hard to get it.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, Mr. Boynton, please, not in front of everybody.

[Mr. Boynton]

It took 23 generations of cross breeding to get a red backed mouse like that.

[Ms. Brooks]

Mouse?

[Mr. Conklin]

Mouse? Sure.

[Mr. Boynton]

What did you think I was writing about?

[Ms. Brooks]

Well, I. I knew it was a mouse, Mr. Boynton. I just didn't know which one.

[Mr. Conklin]

Well, this. This is amazing. Most amazing. I. I don't quite know what to say.

[Ms. Brooks]

Well, I do. Ever since I got up this morning, all I wanted to do was to make a good impression on you, Mr. Conklin. My knees knock like castanets, but they're not knocking anymore. I'm as steady as a clock. I mean, a rock. You know, the trouble with you, Mr. Conklin, is that you can't forgive a teacher who behaves like a young. Well, from now on I'm being human. And if you want my resignation, I'll give it to you gladly, Mrs. Davis. I'd like a drink, Ms. Brooks, of water.

[Mr. Conklin]

Well, Ms. Brooks, perhaps it would be better if we discussed this more calmly tomorrow.

[Mrs. Davis]

I'll see through the door, Osgood. And you too, Walter.

[Walter Denton]

But my letter.

[Mrs. Weaver]

Come along, Walter. Right this way.

[Ms. Brooks]

Well, Mr. Boyton, at last we're alone.

[Mr. Boynton]

And a good thing too. I'm pretty anxious to get at it.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, so am I. Come on, let's sit over here on the couch. It's so soft and comfortable.

[Mr. Boynton]

You really think so?

[Ms. Brooks]

Of course. I'll just turn off this lamp.

[Mr. Boynton]

But if you turn it off, how will we see?

[Ms. Brooks]

Well, is that necessary?

[Mr. Boynton]

Why, sure.

[Walter Denton]

But don't you think it would be.

[Mr. Boynton]

More comfortable at the desk?

[Ms. Brooks]

It would?

[Mr. Boynton]

Why, of course.

[Ms. Brooks]

Well, if you say so. Yes.

[Mr. Boynton]

We'll be able to spread the papers on.

[Ms. Brooks]

Papers? What papers?

[Mr. Boynton]

The exam papers on the physiology of the frog.

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, I see.

[Mr. Boynton]

I thought you'd be interested in helping me correct them. You are interested?

[Ms. Brooks]

Oh, I'm fascinated, Mr. Boynton. After all, when a man and a girl are alone on a couch, the lights are turned down low. What could be better than learning about the physiology of a frog?

[Shirley Booth]

You'll be listening to the new comedy show, Our Miss Brooks, starring Shirley Booth.

[Ms. Brooks]

Poor Ms. Brooks. Oh, yes. Still single, Mr. Bon. Oh, didn't you hear? He married that mouse, Violet. Oh, yes, charming. But I do wish he'd serve something besides cheese at her dinner party.

[Shirley Booth]

Don Ettlinger wrote Our Miss Brooks with Norman Poker and Ed Juris. It was directed by Edward Ray.

[Mr. Conklin]

Down.

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