Our Miss Brooks 48-09-19 (007) Weekend at Crystal Lake

Summary

Podcast Summary: Our Miss Brooks 48-09-19 (007) Weekend at Crystal Lake

Podcast Information:

• Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Episode: Our Miss Brooks 48-09-19 (007) Weekend at Crystal Lake
• Release Date: May 7, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of "Our Miss Brooks", listeners are transported back to the Golden Age of Radio, showcasing the charming and witty interactions of Connie Brooks, a dedicated English teacher at Madison High School, and her romantic endeavors with Philip Boynton, the modest biology teacher. Harold's Old Time Radio impeccably captures the essence of classic radio storytelling, blending humor, romance, and subtle tension in a narrative that reflects the social dynamics of the late 1940s.

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Plot Overview

"Weekend at Crystal Lake" centers around Connie Brooks' attempts to navigate her professional aspirations and personal desires. The story unfolds as Connie is invited, along with Philip Boynton, to spend a weekend at the summer cottage of the Connklin family, owners of Crystal Lake. This invitation is orchestrated by Mrs. Conklin in hopes of fostering a romantic connection between Connie and Philip, especially in light of Connie's ambition to become the head of the English Department.

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Detailed Plot Summary

Morning at Madison High

The episode opens with Connie Brooks waking from a vivid dream about Philip Boynton, hinting at her deep-seated affection for him. Her interaction with Mrs. Davis over an unusual breakfast of boiled pine needles sets a humorous tone, highlighting Connie's reluctance to partake in Mrs. Davis's eccentric recipes (02:00).

Connie faces minor setbacks as she discovers her car is in the shop and is picked up by Walter Denton, who reveals the car's unexpected transformation: the hard top has fallen off. Their conversation reveals that Harriet Conklin, the principal's daughter, is persistently pursuing Walter, adding layers to the interpersonal dynamics within the school community (03:52).

Invitation to Crystal Lake

The Connklins, Mr. and Mrs. Conklin, extend an invitation to Connie and Philip to spend their anniversary weekend at Crystal Lake. Mrs. Conklin believes that observing a happy marriage might inspire Philip to consider a similar commitment with Connie. Despite initial hesitation, Connie agrees, recognizing the opportunity to advance her relationship with Philip (06:03).

Encounter with Mr. Conklin

Upon arrival, Connie and Philip are welcomed warmly by the Connklin family. Mr. Conklin's stern demeanor contrasts with Mrs. Conklin's nurturing nature. The family's attempts to set up a romantic environment—complete with mismatched bathing suits and ill-fated BBQ ribs—create a series of comedic misadventures. Philip's struggles with the boat's steering and the disastrous barbecue attempt add elements of slapstick humor to the narrative (16:49; 25:00).

Climactic Confrontation

As the weekend progresses, tensions rise when Walter Denton unexpectedly joins the Connklin family. Mr. Conklin's frustration becomes evident as he grapples with the unintended consequences of his matchmaking efforts. The episode culminates in a humorous yet tense standoff where Connie confronts Mr. Conklin about her prospects for departmental leadership, blending professional stakes with personal relationships (28:50).

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Key Character Interactions

• Connie Brooks & Philip Boynton:

  • Their budding romance is central to the episode. Philip's modesty and Connie's proactive nature create a dynamic interplay, often leading to humorous and heartfelt exchanges.
  • Notable Quote:
    Connie Brooks: "Mr. Boynton, instead of our usual Saturday night date, how would you like to go away and spend a weekend together? Oh, What a shame, Mr. Boynton. You've got chili all over your red tie."
    (09:42)

• Connie Brooks & Mrs. Conklin:

  • Mrs. Conklin’s well-meaning but intrusive attempts to set up Connie with Philip highlight the societal expectations of marriage and professional discretion.
  • Notable Quote:
    Mrs. Conklin: "Remember, all you have to do is keep close to Mr. Conklin and myself. Then when Mr. Boynton sees how happy we are, I'm sure he'll start thinking of marriage as the jolly institution it is."
    (19:23)

• Mr. & Mrs. Conklin:

  • Their interactions provide comic relief and underscore the generational differences in attitudes toward marriage and social propriety.
  • Notable Quote:
    Mr. Conklin: "Maybe you could find a hideaway. I wasn't going to. But don't knock it until you've tried it. I wasn't going to."
    (12:44)

• Walter Denton:

  • His unwelcome persistence adds an element of romantic competition, complicating Connie's relationship with Philip.
  • Notable Quote:
    Walter Denton: "I've always liked hot dishes, Ms. Brooks. I think spicy things enhance a meal tremendously."
    (09:31)

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. Connie Brooks on Romantic Ambitions:
   "Instead of our usual Saturday night date, how would you like to go away and spend a weekend together?"
   (09:42)

2. Mrs. Conklin on Marriage:
   "Remember, all you have to do is keep close to Mr. Conklin and myself. Then when Mr. Boynton sees how happy we are, I'm sure he'll start thinking of marriage as the jolly institution it is."
   (19:23)

3. Mr. Conklin's Frustration:
   "Now, this has gone far enough. I'm going to tell you people something."
   (28:50)

4. Humorous Disaster with BBQ Ribs:
   Mr. Conklin: "Tastes like charcoal."
   (26:25)

5. Connie’s Sarcastic Wit:
   "Tally ho to you, Mrs. Conklin. And I hope we all don't make a bunch of yo out of ourselves."
   (20:24)

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Themes and Insights

• Romantic Pursuit vs. Professional Integrity: Connie's dilemma between advancing her career and pursuing romance with Philip reflects the societal expectations of women balancing personal and professional lives.

• Generational Attitudes Toward Marriage: The Connklin family's traditional views contrast with the modern sensibilities of younger characters, highlighting changing norms in post-war America.

• Humor in Everyday Mishaps: The episode employs slapstick and situational comedy, particularly in scenes like the boat mishap and the barbecue gone wrong, providing levity while advancing character relationships.

• Social Expectations and Public Perception: Mr. Conklin's concern about fraternization among faculty underscores the importance placed on reputation and propriety within the educational community.

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Conclusion

"Weekend at Crystal Lake" masterfully blends humor, romance, and social commentary, encapsulating the charm of old-time radio dramas. Through Connie Brooks' interactions and the Connklin family's well-intentioned meddling, the episode explores themes of love, ambition, and societal expectations with wit and warmth. Harold's Old Time Radio successfully recreates the nostalgic ambiance of the 1940s, making this episode a delightful listen for both longtime fans and newcomers to classic radio storytelling.

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Produced by Larry Burns, written and directed by Al Lewis, with music by Wilbur Hatch. Featuring Jeff Chandler as Mr. Boynton, Gail Gordon as Mr. Conklin, and performances by Jane Morgan, Dick Krenna, Gloria McMillan, Noreen Gamaliel, and Dink Trout.

Transcript

[Narrator]

CBS presents Our Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arden. Our Miss Brooks is an English teacher at Madison High School. She can tell you everything you need to know about the present and past subjunctive. But she's not at all sure about the future. That is, her romantic future with biology teacher Philip Boynton. Like most men of science, Mr. Boynton is quite modest and reticent, especially when it comes to women. Well, this, of course, is in reality. But in the dreams of Connie Brooks, he is sometimes quite another fellow. Listen.

[Philip Boynton]

Ms. Brooks, I decided to throw caution to the winds. May I call you Constance?

[Connie Brooks]

Of course.

[Philip Boynton]

Thank you, darling.

[Connie Brooks]

Darling, with a little encouragement, this lad will do all right.

[Philip Boynton]

You're so lovely, so beautiful, so alluring.

[Connie Brooks]

So, why are you standing so far away?

[Philip Boynton]

Oh, is. Is this better?

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, much. You're only 10ft away now.

[Philip Boynton]

If I get any closer, I'm liable to kiss you. Please, dear. You're standing on my foot.

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, my darling, when you're close to me like this, I feel enchanted. I seem to hear a little angel singing in my ear. Hmm? What's. What's that? Oh, fine. My little angel turns out to be Big Ben. Oh, quiet, you little dream butcher. Come in.

[Mrs. Davis]

Are you awake, Connie?

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, yes, darn it. How are you this morning, Mrs. Davis?

[Mrs. Davis]

Oh, fine, dear. My, you must have had a very exciting dream. Aren't you warm with all those covers wrapped around you?

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, I didn't notice them. Pardon me while I unravel.

[Mrs. Davis]

Dear. And while you're at it, you might as well unpucker, too. I brought you a little breakfast snack up on this tray. Tiny. It's a brand new recipe I just discovered.

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, that's very considerate of you, Mrs. Davis, but I'd rather not try any of your new recipes for breakfast. The last one, as I recall, was Peruvian Spratt's, fried in garlic salt and almond paste.

[Mrs. Davis]

Oh, you'll love this little dish. It's a sort of a cereal. I got so tired of the ones that crackle and pop in your plate. This one's real quiet.

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, what is it, Mrs. Davis?

[Mrs. Davis]

Boiled pine needles.

[Connie Brooks]

Boiled pine needles?

[Mrs. Conklin]

Yes.

[Mrs. Davis]

First I boil all the tar and rosin out of them.

[Connie Brooks]

Why, that's the best part.

[Mrs. Davis]

Then I place them in extra heavy cream and coat them with powdered sugar. Oh, look at those slender, graceful needles lying there. They just seem to be sighing and whispering to each other.

[Connie Brooks]

This is the sneakiest bowl of cereal I ever saw. Oh, no, thanks, Mrs. Davis. I've got to get ready for school. Walter Denton's picking me up in his car this morning.

[Mrs. Davis]

Why, Connie, is your car in the shop again?

[Connie Brooks]

Yes, Mrs. Davis. I dented my radiator pretty badly the other day. I got a ticket too, for passing a car on the left.

[Mrs. Davis]

But that's not illegal, passing a car on the left.

[Connie Brooks]

It is when the car is approaching you. Oh, I'm certainly enjoying this ride, Walter. It's a beautiful day.

[Walter Denton]

Oh, it sure is, Ms. Brooks. Notice anything different about the car?

[Connie Brooks]

The car? Why, yes. The top is down. But, Walter, this wasn't a convertible. It was a club coupe with a hard top.

[Mr. Conklin]

Sure.

[Connie Brooks]

Well, what did you do, take the top off?

[Walter Denton]

Oh, I didn't have to. It fell off. The 12 of us went for a ride the other night. That's when it happened.

[Connie Brooks]

12? Oh, but that isn't safe, Walter. You shouldn't put 12 people in one car.

[Walter Denton]

Oh, they weren't all in the car, Ms. Brooks. Six of them were on top. That's why it caved in, I guess.

[Connie Brooks]

I guess. I hope nobody was hurt, Walter.

[Walter Denton]

No, no. Fortunately, there were all girls inside. And they're pretty soft.

[Connie Brooks]

Yeah, with the exception of girl softball players. You're right. Was Harriet Conklin with you that night?

[Walter Denton]

Oh, sure. I haven't been able to get rid of her for a month. She says she's love with me.

[Narrator]

Love?

[Connie Brooks]

That is either cynicism or sinus trouble. What's the matter with Harriet Conklin, Walter? Why don't you like her?

[Walter Denton]

Well, outside of her being the principal's daughter, there's nothing the matter with her. But she's always chasing me. It must be hero worship.

[Connie Brooks]

Well, look, modest one. If I may make a suggestion. Why don't you change your attitude toward Harriet? Be kindly but firm. In other words, make her realize that your association is strictly platonic.

[Walter Denton]

You mean like you and Mr. Boynton?

[Connie Brooks]

Ooh, and without an anesthetic too.

[Walter Denton]

I'm sorry, Ms. Brooks. I know you're sort of fond of him. But he always seems so interested in his white mice and frogs and stuff. Gee, I like Mr. Boynton personally. But if you'll pardon my saying so, Ms. Brooks, I think in certain matters he's real square.

[Connie Brooks]

He ain't round.

[Walter Denton]

Well, here's Harriet's house. Ms. Brooks, will you excuse me a minute? I've got to take her to school too. Her dad left earlier than usual this morning, so she's without a ride.

[Connie Brooks]

Go right ahead, Walter.

[Harriet Conklin]

You don't have to come to the door, Walter.

[Connie Brooks]

I'll be right there. Oh, okay.

[Walter Denton]

Harriet.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Who's that in the car with you? Paul's here.

[Walter Denton]

It's Ms. Brooks, Mrs. Conklin.

[Mr. Conklin]

Ms. Brooks.

[Connie Brooks]

That's what we schoolteachers need, publicity.

[Harriet Conklin]

Will you come up to the porch.

[Mrs. Conklin]

A minute, Miss Brooks? I'd like to talk to you about something.

[Connie Brooks]

All right, Mrs. Conklin.

[Harriet Conklin]

Hello, Ms. Brooks. We'll wait for you in the car.

[Connie Brooks]

Okay, Harriet.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Hello, miss Brooks.

[Connie Brooks]

Hello, Mrs. Conklin. What is it you wanted to tell me?

[Mrs. Conklin]

Well, I've noticed how hard you've been working during the summer session, and I think a little vacation would do you a lot of good.

[Connie Brooks]

Yes, I suppose it would.

[Mrs. Conklin]

But Mr. Conklin and I have a summer cottage up at Crystal Lake. Now, tomorrow, Saturday is our anniversary, and I think it would be nice if you would come up to help us celebrate it. I won't say a word about it to Mr. Conklin. We'll surprise him. Could you come?

[Connie Brooks]

Well, I really don't know, Mrs. Conklin. You see, I have a date with Mr. Boynton tomorrow.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Oh, so much the better. Bring him along. You know, seeing how happy our married life is might give Mr. Boynton some ideas on the sub.

[Connie Brooks]

Why, Mrs. Conklin, I don't know what you're driving at.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Well, I've seen you look at Mr. Boynton, Ms. Brooks. And when one woman sees another woman look at a man the way you look at Mr. Boynton, Ms. Brooks, that woman knows that the other woman is thinking thoughts about that man. That a woman has thought about a man since men and women were created.

[Connie Brooks]

From the picture. Little man, you've had a busy woman. Look, Mrs. Conklin, I am sort of fond of Mr. Boynton, but I don't want people to think that I. Oh, they will anyway.

[Mrs. Conklin]

So you might as well. You might as well land him. I'll tell you what. You and Mr. Boynton come up to Crystal Lake tomorrow afternoon, and you can be our house guests over the weekend.

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, but Mrs. Conklin, maybe Mr. Conklin doesn't want any house guests this weekend.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Oh, don't worry about that, Miss Brooks. I'll handle Osgood. He'll be delighted to see you when I get through with him. And I'm sure the atmosphere will be extremely matrimonial.

[Connie Brooks]

Mrs. Conklin, you just sold me. I'm having lunch with Mr. Boynton today. And I'll extend your very kind invitation to spend the weekend in your trap at Crystal Lake. I mean, cottage.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Oh, fine. But don't breathe a word about it to Mr. Conklin, whatever you do.

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, don't worry about that, Mrs. Conklin. While I'm at school, I breathe as few words as possible to Mr. Conk.

[Philip Boynton]

How do you like the food in the school cafeteria this year, Ms. Brooks?

[Connie Brooks]

About the same as last year, Mr. Boynton. At least this beef stew is the same as last year. In fact, that's when I think it was made.

[Philip Boynton]

This chili is pretty good. Would you pass the cats up, please?

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, surely.

[Philip Boynton]

I think the salt and pepper are over on your side too.

[Connie Brooks]

Salt and pepper on chili?

[Philip Boynton]

I like things well seasoned. Would you pass the horseradish too, please?

[Connie Brooks]

Here you are.

[Philip Boynton]

Thank you. Now, a little mustard and I'm all.

[Connie Brooks]

Set for the coroner. What do you drink with your lunch, Mr. Boynton? A lit can of Sterno.

[Philip Boynton]

I'm afraid I have a cast iron stomach, Ms. Brooks.

[Connie Brooks]

Really? Who helped you carry it to school?

[Philip Boynton]

I've always liked hot dishes, Ms. Brooks. I think spicy things enhance a meal tremendously.

[Connie Brooks]

That goes for living too, doesn't it, Mr. Barnton?

[Philip Boynton]

What do you mean, Ms. Brooks?

[Connie Brooks]

Mr. Boynton, instead of our usual Saturday night date, how would you like to go away and spend a weekend together? Oh, What a shame, Mr. Boynton. You've got chili all over your red tie.

[Philip Boynton]

I'm wearing a blue tie.

[Connie Brooks]

It's red now. I didn't mean to shock you like that, Mr. Boynton. I just thought it would be nice to get away for a while. Say, up to Crystal Lake.

[Philip Boynton]

Oh, but, but, but, but, but.

[Connie Brooks]

Check your motorboat, mister. Look, Mr. Boyden, Mrs. Conklin has invited us up to their summer cottage because tomorrow's their anniversary and she wants us to help them celebrate.

[Philip Boynton]

Well, I wouldn't want to deprive you of any fun, Ms. Brooks, but.

[Connie Brooks]

Good. What time will you pick me up tomorrow?

[Philip Boynton]

Well, I guess I might as well be a good sport. I'll call for you at 10:00.

[Connie Brooks]

Fine.

[Mr. Conklin]

Pardon me, Miss Brooks. Mr. Boyden.

[Philip Boynton]

Oh, hello, Mr. Conklin.

[Mr. Conklin]

At ease. On your way back to class, Miss Brooks, I'd like you to stop in my office for a moment. There's something I'd like to discuss with you.

[Connie Brooks]

Certainly, Mr. Conklin. I'll be there in about 10 minutes.

[Mr. Conklin]

Very well. As you were.

[Philip Boynton]

You'd never know Mr. Conklin spent some time in the army. Would you?

[Connie Brooks]

Mr. Conklin was a major in the last war, Mr. Boynton. He served for five years.

[Philip Boynton]

Was that so? In what theater?

[Connie Brooks]

Low state. He sold war bonds in the lobby. Of course, from the shape of his head, I could have sworn he spent Some time in the Pentagon building. I wonder what he wants to see me about.

[Philip Boynton]

Well, maybe it's that promotion to the head of English Department you've been hoping for.

[Connie Brooks]

Yes, or he might have reconsidered about giving me a couple of weeks off with pay. Or maybe the raise that's due me next season is going to be made retroactive to include the summer session. Or maybe he's just going to do what he always does. Hit me across the back of the neck with a bag of hot stones.

[Mr. Conklin]

Come in.

[Connie Brooks]

You wanted to see me, Mr. Conklin?

[Mr. Conklin]

Oh, yeah, yes, come in, Ms. Brooks. Sit down, won't you? Now, I have no desire to pry into the personal lives of any of my teachers.

[Connie Brooks]

Good for you, Mr. Conklin. I always say that a person forever.

[Narrator]

I've.

[Mr. Conklin]

I've noticed that lately. Your special. Quite a bit of time both in and out of school with Mr. Philip Boynton. People are beginning to talk.

[Connie Brooks]

What people, Mr. Conklin?

[Mr. Conklin]

Well, members of the school board. They're still considering you as a possible new head of the English department. You know how they feel about fraternization among the faculty at Madison. Ms. Brooks and I. Well, it would be different if you were married or even engaged to Mr. Boynton.

[Connie Brooks]

But, Mr. Conklin, how can one ever get engaged if one doesn't fraternize with one? Or one more than one, if necessary? To find the right one.

[Mr. Conklin]

Is your problem, Ms. Brooks. Now, I'm not asking you to stop seeing Mr. Boynton completely, but I do wish you'd think twice about your public meetings.

[Connie Brooks]

Maybe you could find a hideaway.

[Mr. Conklin]

Miss Brooks, that's not what I had in mind at all.

[Connie Brooks]

Me either. But don't knock it until you've tried it. I wasn't going to.

[Mr. Conklin]

Now, my anniversary is tomorrow, and I'm going to surprise Mrs. Conklin with a little trip to Crystal Lake. We have a cottage there, you know.

[Connie Brooks]

Yes, I know.

[Mr. Conklin]

And if I could feel that your conduct over the weekend was above reproach, well, I'd enjoy my little vacation that much more.

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, don't worry about Mr. Bon and myself, Mr. Conklin. Believe me, you won't hear a thing about us. You.

[Narrator]

Mother, I'm home from school.

[Mrs. Conklin]

That's nice. Go in the pantry and make yourself a peanut butter sandwich. Harriet.

[Narrator]

Harriet.

[Mr. Conklin]

It'S me, Martha Osgood.

[Mrs. Conklin]

I'll be right down here. I've been expecting Harriet any minute. Osgood. I've got a surprise for you.

[Mr. Conklin]

Well, now, that's a peculiar coincidence. I've got a Surprise for you.

[Mrs. Conklin]

You have? What is it?

[Mr. Conklin]

Oh, watch yours.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Well, I thought it would be nice if we spent our anniversary in the cottage at Crisco Lake. Oh, what do you say, Osgood? Shall we get away from it all this weekend?

[Mr. Conklin]

Yes, that's not a bad idea.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Oh, good. I know we'll have a grand time, dear. Now, what's your surprise?

[Mr. Conklin]

My surprise? Well, I thought it might be a good idea to spend our anniversary at Crystal Lake.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Oh, why, Osgood, that's a wonderful idea.

[Connie Brooks]

Hello, Mom.

[Harriet Conklin]

Hi, dad.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Oh, hello, Harriet.

[Harriet Conklin]

Now, if you'll both sit still for a moment, I'll acquaint you with my rarest scheme of the season. I mean, this is rare.

[Mrs. Conklin]

What's rare, dear?

[Harriet Conklin]

Tomorrow's your anniversary, right?

[Mr. Conklin]

That's right.

[Harriet Conklin]

Where do you think you're going to spend it? You'll never get. So don't even try. In our summer cottage at Crystal Lake.

[Mr. Conklin]

Crystal Lake?

[Mrs. Conklin]

Why, Harriet, that's a wonderful idea. Isn't it, Oz?

[Mr. Conklin]

Good it must be. Everybody's getting it. Ah, this is the life. I'm certainly glad we didn't close this place up on Labor Day like we usually do.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Oh, I knew you'd enjoy yourself here, Osgood. Now just relax and smoke your pipe. I've got a little dusting to do.

[Mr. Conklin]

You gotta take a little nap. This hammock is very restful. Before you go, how about little anniversary kiss?

[Mrs. Conklin]

Oh, but ah's good. It's only one o' clock in the afternoon. We weren't married until three.

[Mr. Conklin]

That's all right. Let's have a little preview.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Osgood. I declare, I don't know what comes over you when we come up here. Must be the mountain air.

[Mr. Conklin]

It must be. Come here, baby.

[Harriet Conklin]

Hello there, you two. I was just. Oh, am I interrupting something?

[Mr. Conklin]

No, no, nothing at all, Harriet. I was just about to salute your mother on her anniversary.

[Harriet Conklin]

That's as good a reason as any, I guess. Here's some wildflowers I picked for you both. Congratulations. And many, many more. Happy anniversari for all of us.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Oh, thank you, Harriet. Now run along down to the lake, dear. Your father wants to take a little nap.

[Harriet Conklin]

Okay. I'll see if our rowboat's in shape. Don't forget we're going fishing this afternoon.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Now you drop off to sleep, Osgood, and I'll. I'll wake you in about an hour.

[Mr. Conklin]

Fine, fine.

[Philip Boynton]

I'll get your bag out of the trunk.

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, thanks, Mr. Boynton. Gosh, that was a long drive. But here we are now. It's right up these porch steps, I believe. Yoo hoo. Anybody home?

[Mr. Conklin]

What is this? Who in the world.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Ms. Brooks.

[Mr. Conklin]

Mr. Boynton. What are you doing here?

[Connie Brooks]

That's what I like about Crystal Lake. The hospitality.

[Mrs. Conklin]

What's all the commotion about? Oh. Oh, it's you, Ms. Brooks and Mr. Boynton. I'm so glad you could come.

[Mr. Conklin]

Mother, did you invite.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Of course, dear. I asked Ms. Brooks and Mr. Boynton to spend the weekend with us. That's one surprise I didn't tell you. Aren't you tickled?

[Mr. Conklin]

Yes.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Well, then act it, Osgood. You certainly don't look tickled.

[Connie Brooks]

Some people tickle easier than others.

[Philip Boynton]

Maybe Mr. Cochran would rather be alone.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Oh, nonsense, Mr. Boynton. Osgood and I see as much of each other alone as we want to. We're already married, you know.

[Philip Boynton]

Yes, I know. Congratulations on your anniversary.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Oh, thank you, Mr. Boynton. I always say married life is give and take.

[Mr. Conklin]

Me too. You'd have given me a little warning. I wouldn't have let you take me here.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Now. You two must be all hot and sticky from your drive up here. I hope you both have a bathing suit.

[Connie Brooks]

For Mr. Conklin's sake, I hope we each have a bathing suit.

[Mrs. Conklin]

I'll show you where to change. Just follow me and we'll all get ready for a nice dip.

[Mr. Conklin]

I don't want to go for a dip.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Oh, now, dear, we must do the things our guests want to do.

[Philip Boynton]

Why, as a matter of fact, I'm afraid I don't have a suit with me. I forgot to pack it.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Oh, that's all right, Mr. Boynton. I'll fix you up with one of Mr. Conklin's. Come along. You can nap for a few more minutes, Osgood. I'll take the folks in tow.

[Mr. Conklin]

Yes, do that.

[Connie Brooks]

He sounds like he'd like you to tow us about three miles and then sink us.

[Mrs. Conklin]

You just go right in here, Mr. Boynton. You'll find a bathing suit in the bottom drawer of that dresser.

[Philip Boynton]

Oh, thanks, Mrs. Conklin.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Now, here's the guest room. You and my daughter Harriet are sharing it for the weekend.

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, is Harriet here for your anniversary too?

[Mrs. Conklin]

Yes. Oh, she's so devoted. Been like a daughter to us.

[Connie Brooks]

Well, that's a coincidence.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Now, before I leave you, dear, I want you to know that I planned this weekend for your sake more than anybody's. So I want you to take advantage of it.

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, that's really very kind of you, Mrs. Conklin.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Remember, all you have to do is keep close to Mr. Conklin and myself. Then when Mr. Boynton sees how happy we are, I'm sure he'll start thinking of marriage as the jolly institution it is. Well, what do you say? Are you game?

[Connie Brooks]

Looks like Mr. Boynton's the game. But I'll take a shot at him or it. You know, I really do like the guy, Mrs. Conklin.

[Mrs. Conklin]

I know you, dear. My dear. Now one more thing. In addition to our example, I think you should show your domesticity as well. So tonight, I want you to cook the dinner.

[Connie Brooks]

Me?

[Mrs. Conklin]

Oh, definitely. What dish do you prepare best?

[Connie Brooks]

Soup.

[Mrs. Conklin]

What kind?

[Connie Brooks]

Campbell's.

[Mrs. Conklin]

I think something you cook your might make a better impression on Mr. Boynton. I know you can barbecue some spare ribs for dinner. Now get into your suit and I'll see you on the porch. Oh, isn't this fun? It's just like a fox hunt. Tally ho and yo.

[Connie Brooks]

Tally ho to you, Mrs. Conklin. And I hope we all don't make a bunch of yo out of ourselves.

[Mr. Conklin]

Stop rocking the hammock, Martha. I'm getting seasick.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Very well. Now, now remember, Osgood, we've got to make a good impression for Ms. Brooks sake.

[Mr. Conklin]

I don't like it, Martha. I never did believe in this matchmaking business. Besides, I thought we'd be alone at least part of the time. Confounded all this mountain air going to waste.

[Mrs. Conklin]

It won't go to waste, dear. As always. Tonight.

[Mr. Conklin]

Yes. Come here, baby.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Remember. Remember what I used to call you when we were first married?

[Mr. Conklin]

Yeah. Call me it again, Mother.

[Mrs. Conklin]

All right, sugar cookie.

[Mr. Conklin]

Am I really your sugar cookie still?

[Connie Brooks]

Well, your icing's a little whiter, but.

[Mr. Conklin]

Miss Brooks, where did you come from?

[Mrs. Conklin]

Hello, Ms. Brooks. My, what a lovely bathing suit. One piece, isn't it?

[Connie Brooks]

Yes, it is.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Look at Ms. Brooks bathing suit, Osgood. That's long enough, Ms. Brooks. Be sure and tell Mr. Barton you made the suit yourself. Men love practical women.

[Philip Boynton]

Oh, hello there. Everybody all ready?

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, it's Mr. Fox. Mr. Boynton, I mean.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Why, Mr. Conklin's suit fits you perfectly, Mr. Boynton. Don't you think so, Ms. Brooks?

[Connie Brooks]

Yes, it's very nice. Aren't the sleeves a little wide at the wrist?

[Mr. Conklin]

That is one of my older ones.

[Philip Boynton]

That's quite a suit you have on, Ms. Brooks.

[Mrs. Conklin]

She made it herself, didn't you, dear?

[Connie Brooks]

Yes, out of an old stocking and some pen wipers. Let's go down to the lake, huh? Come on, Mr. Boynton. I'll race you to the raft.

[Philip Boynton]

You're on. Let's go.

[Connie Brooks]

Yeah.

[Philip Boynton]

Here we are. I'll help you up, Ms. Brooks.

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, thanks, Mr. Boynton. Oh, that was wonderful.

[Mr. Conklin]

Welcome aboard, folks.

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, hello, Mr. Conklin. We didn't know you were out here.

[Mrs. Conklin]

That's all right, my dear.

[Philip Boynton]

Let's. Let's go take a boat ride, Miss Brooks.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Oh, nonsense. Why should you leave the raft?

[Mr. Conklin]

Why shouldn't they?

[Connie Brooks]

Mr. Boynton?

[Philip Boynton]

Yes?

[Connie Brooks]

Last one in is a sugar cookie. We've been walking along the shore for quite a ways, mister. Bon. Just where is this little pier where the man rents the boat?

[Philip Boynton]

Oh, it's right up ahead, Ms. Brooks. He's got several different kinds of small craft. Personally, I think that flat bottoms are the best.

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, you do? Well, that's what's nice about America. You can think what you like.

[Boat Rental Attendant]

Hi there, folks. I guess you want a boat, huh? Best way in the world to syh.

[Connie Brooks]

Syh.

[Boat Rental Attendant]

Spend your honeymoon.

[Philip Boynton]

We're not married. We're just here to rent.

[Boat Rental Attendant]

Oh, not married, huh? Up here for a little PS Private smoochin'.

[Mr. Conklin]

Now, come on.

[Philip Boynton]

Just a minute. All you have to do is rent us a boat.

[Boat Rental Attendant]

Well, here's one right here with a small motor. Very nice. GFN Good for neckin' we're not going.

[Philip Boynton]

To do anything of the sort.

[Connie Brooks]

WSS who says so?

[Boat Rental Attendant]

BT bashful type. Well, go ahead. Get in, miss.

[Philip Boynton]

Hey. Here, let me help you, Ms. Brooks. There. We'll pay you when we come in, all right?

[Mrs. Conklin]

Sure.

[Boat Rental Attendant]

Well, remember, Miss. K Y L O Y H H. Keep your line out. You'll hook him.

[Mrs. Conklin]

So long.

[Connie Brooks]

HDR hit the road.

[Philip Boynton]

How do you like the ride, Ms. Brooks?

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, it's very nice, Mr. Boynton.

[Philip Boynton]

I think we better turn around now. We're pretty far from the pier. Hey, that's funny. This steering wheel seems to be stuck.

[Connie Brooks]

It does? Isn't that a rowboat in that little cove? We're heading for a rowboat.

[Philip Boynton]

Yes, it is. I better cut the motor off.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Where?

[Philip Boynton]

We're heading right for them. The ignition lever is stuck too.

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, my goodness. You've got to do something, Mr. Boynton. We're getting pretty close to that rowboat. Look out. Get out of the way. Quick.

[Philip Boynton]

Ms. Brooks, lie on the bottom of the boat. I can't stop you.

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, what happened? Did we hit them?

[Philip Boynton]

No, thank heaven. We just missed them.

[Connie Brooks]

Oh, we're terribly sorry, folks.

[Mr. Conklin]

Oh, that's all right, Ms. Brooks. We didn't really want to catch any fish here.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Oh, I love eating out in the open air. I'm sure that the spareribs Ms. Brooks barbequed will be delicious. Don't you think so, Osgood?

[Mr. Conklin]

I think I should have made them my barbecue.

[Harriet Conklin]

But Mr. Boynton will enjoy them so much more because Ms. Brooks did it. Won't you, Mr. Boynton?

[Philip Boynton]

Well, yes, I suppose I will.

[Connie Brooks]

There we are, folks. I hope they turned out all right. I fixed a plate especially for you, Mr. Boynton.

[Philip Boynton]

Thanks, Ms. Brooks.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Well, it's fall to everyone.

[Harriet Conklin]

Oh, I'll bet they're delicious.

[Mr. Conklin]

Might as well taste it. What is this anyway?

[Connie Brooks]

No good.

[Mr. Conklin]

Tastes like charcoal.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Did you do what I told you, dear? Barbecue the ribs slowly with a nice smooth going bed of coals?

[Connie Brooks]

Certainly. I had a lovely bed of glowing coals right over the ribs.

[Mr. Conklin]

I'm going into the house and cook myself an egg.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Wait, dear. I'll fix you something.

[Mr. Conklin]

You can't cook any better than she can.

[Harriet Conklin]

But Daddy, this is your anniversary dinner.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Yes, dear. Let's be cheerful. Oh, how we danced on the night we were wa.

[Mr. Conklin]

Anniversary, my foot. I'm going inside.

[Connie Brooks]

We danced and we danced, but she wouldn't drop dead.

[Mrs. Conklin]

There, dear, wasn't that a nice snack? And just the two of us alone in the kitchen.

[Mr. Conklin]

Well, it was better than those barbecued rocks. Martha, if that poor Mr. Boynton falls for Ms. Brooks, I think it'll be.

[Mrs. Conklin]

We agreed to forget all about it. Let's go out and sit in the hammock together. The mountain air is still with us, you know. And it's quite dark on the porch.

[Mr. Conklin]

All right. Watch this. Who's that in the hammock?

[Harriet Conklin]

It's us, Daddy.

[Mr. Conklin]

Us.

[Walter Denton]

Harriet and me. Mr. Conklin. Happy anniversary.

[Harriet Conklin]

Hey, it's Walter Denton, Daddy. He got here while you were inside. I invited him yesterday to surprise you.

[Mr. Conklin]

This is the last straw.

[Mrs. Conklin]

Now calm down, Osgood. Remember your blood pressure.

[Walter Denton]

It gives him kind of a purpley look, doesn't it?

[Mr. Conklin]

I've got to be calm. Let's go for a little stroll, Martha. Maybe we'll run into Mr. Boynton and Ms. Brooks somewhere.

[Connie Brooks]

I doubt it, Mr. Conklin. We're at the other end of the hammock.

[Mr. Conklin]

Oh, no. I'll be all right. I'll be fine. Come, Martha. Let's go into our bedroom and go to sleep. Maybe when I wake up in the morning, this will all be a problem.

[Mrs. Conklin]

We can't go into our bedroom together, Osgood. Now that Walter's here, Harriet and Ms. Brooks and I will have to use our room. You And Walter and Mr. Boynton will have to sleep in the guest house.

[Connie Brooks]

What?

[Mr. Conklin]

Now, this has gone far enough. I'm going to tell you people something.

[Connie Brooks]

Before you do, Mr. Conklin, I'd like to ask you a question.

[Mr. Conklin]

What is it?

[Connie Brooks]

How are my chances of being appointed head of the English Department? You don't have to answer now. You can think it over and tell me right after I've blown my brains out.

[Narrator]

Our Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arden, is produced by Larry Burns, written and directed by Al Lewis, with music by Wilbur Hatch. Mr. Boynton was played by Jeff Chandler, Mr. Conklin by Gail Gordon. Others in tonight's cast were Jane Morgan, Dick Krenna, Gloria McMillan, Noreen Gamaliel and Dink Trout. Bob Lamond, speaking for CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.