Our Miss Brooks-Thanksgiving Weekend 1949-11-27

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Our Miss Brooks - Thanksgiving Weekend
Original Air Date of Show: November 27, 1949
Podcast Release Date: November 10, 2025

This episode features the beloved radio sitcom "Our Miss Brooks" starring Eve Arden as Connie Brooks, the quick-witted English teacher at Madison High School. In this Thanksgiving-themed episode, Miss Brooks navigates the challenges of gathering friends and found family for a holiday supper—despite a comically undersized bird, a mounting guest list, and holiday surprises. The script is filled with sharp dialogue, misadventures, and warmth typical of postwar Golden Age radio comedies.

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Key Discussion Points & Story Highlights

1. Thanksgiving Preparations and “Lack of Blessings”

[01:05 – 04:05]

• Miss Brooks opens by sardonically reflecting on her “lack of blessings” but admits this Thanksgiving feels different.
• Breakfast with her landlady, Mrs. Davis, reveals the main culinary problem: a very small squab instead of a traditional turkey.
• Mrs. Davis’s attempts to spell out food to their cat Minerva fall flat, leading to comical exchanges about the minuscule bird:
  • Mrs. Davis: “It isn’t very big, is it?”
    Miss Brooks: “I’ve seen stuffing with larger drumsticks.”
    (03:02)

2. How to Secure a Thanksgiving Dinner?

[04:05 – 07:42]

• Mrs. Davis encourages Miss Brooks to wrangle an invitation elsewhere, suggesting Mr. Boynton or Walter Denton’s family.
• Miss Brooks is hesitant to impose but lightheartedly reconsiders after viewing the squab.
• Humorous attempt to not-so-subtly hint for an invite with Walter, but he reveals his own parents are out of town. Walter proposes they have dinner at Miss Brooks’s place:
  • Walter: “You know, Ms. Brooks, I think your idea about spending Thanksgiving together is swell.” (07:01)

3. Mr. Boynton’s Turkey Surprise—and Disappointment

[07:56 – 09:47]

• Miss Brooks visits Mr. Boynton, who excitedly announces he’s won a raffle turkey.
• Misunderstanding: the turkey has already been sent to his parents out of town, leaving him as dinnerless as the rest.
• Miss Brooks (deadpan): “If you’re expecting the conventional Thanksgiving Day dinner, you’re liable to be a little disappointed. I’m just not having it.” (09:37)

4. Desperate Measures and Aspirin for All

[11:20 – 13:40]

• Thanksgiving Day arrives; Miss Brooks and Mrs. Davis panic about serving so many people with so little food.
• Mrs. Davis suggests they seek an invitation to the Conklins’:
  • Mrs. Davis: “Pride goes before a fall. You’ve got to make a hit. With Mr. Boynton here, I’ll dial the number.” (13:31)

5. Call to the Conklins—More Guests, Less Turkey

[13:46 – 15:08]

• Harried negotiations ensue over the party line with Harriet and Mrs. Conklin—who insist “the more the merrier” and invite everyone to Miss Brooks’s house.
• Unbeknownst to all, Mrs. Conklin has donated their large turkey to the city mission.

6. Mr. Conklin’s Hunger and Dismay

[15:49 – 17:32]

• Mr. Conklin wakes from a nap, hungry and expecting turkey, only to learn his dinner has gone to charity.
• Classic comedic misery, topped with high blood pressure jokes, as Conklin grumbles:
  • Mr. Conklin: “Ood joy, my foot. The food at Miss Brooks’s place had better be good today. Good—it had better be great.” (17:32)

7. Thanksgiving Dinner Fiasco

[18:09 – 24:29]

• The Conklins, Mr. Boynton, and Walter all arrive at Miss Brooks’s home, each expecting a feast.
• Preparations behind the scenes are frantic—Mrs. Davis cuts the squab into tiny pieces and tries to disguise the meager fare.
• Classic farce unfolds at the table:
  • Mr. Conklin: “I’ll have a drumstick.”
  • Miss Brooks: “[handing him the tiny leg] The nearer the bone, the sweeter the meat.”
    Mr. Conklin: “If this has any meat on it, it must be inside the bone.” (23:47)
  • Jokes about “brand new breed of turkey”—with very short legs and almost no breast or wings.

8. Unexpected Twist – Turkey at the Mission

[24:43 – 25:33]

• Post-dinner, Mr. Conklin is disgruntled, the group hungry.
• On their drive home, they see a line outside the mission—where their donated turkey is now being served.
• Mr. Boynton is happily helping distribute food, and the coda comes with a comic, bittersweet realization:
  • Mr. Conklin: “Yeah, full of my turkey. Why, it’s Mr. Boynton!”
    (25:19)

9. Heartfelt Wrap-up – Holiday Spirit Rediscovered

[27:10 – 27:54]

• Miss Brooks and Mr. Boynton, after serving food at the mission, reflect on the true meaning of the holiday.
  • Mr. Boynton: “Helping out at the mission made me realize how lonely the most festive occasion can be if you’re not sharing it with someone.”
    (27:25)
  • Miss Brooks: “You and I are pretty fortunate.”
  • Mr. Boynton: “But I just remembered there’s another member of Madison’s faculty who’s all alone tonight and needs cheering up. Let’s do something about it...” (27:43)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Miss Brooks (on the squab):
  “I’ve seen stuffing with larger drumsticks.” [03:02]

• Walter Denton (on Thanksgiving):
  “You know, Ms. Brooks, I think your idea about spending Thanksgiving together is swell.” [07:01]

• Miss Brooks (to Mrs. Davis):
  “The only way I’ll have a turkey tomorrow is if I pick up a musket and shoot myself a butcher.” [07:42]

• Mr. Conklin (after learning about the donated turkey):
  “Ood joy, my foot. The food at Miss Brooks’s place had better be good today. Good—it had better be great.” [17:32]

• Dinner table exchange:
  Mr. Conklin: “I’ll have a drumstick.”
  Miss Brooks: “[handing over the tiny leg] The nearer the bone, the sweeter the meat.”
  Mr. Conklin: “If this has any meat, it must be inside the bone.” [23:47]

• Post-dinner mission scene:
  Mr. Conklin (spotting Mr. Boynton): “Yeah, full of my turkey. Why, it’s Mr. Boynton!” [25:19]

• Mr. Boynton (reflecting at the end):
  “Helping out at the mission made me realize how lonely the most festive occasion can be if you’re not sharing it with someone.” [27:25]

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Thanksgiving preparations and “lack of blessings”: 01:05 – 04:05
• Walter Denton & the plan for dinner: 04:49 – 07:42
• Mr. Boynton’s “turkey” raffle reveal: 07:56 – 09:44
• Panic and attempts to get invited out: 11:20 – 13:40
• Negotiations with the Conklins: 13:46 – 15:08
• Mr. Conklin learns of missing turkey: 15:49 – 17:32
• Thanksgiving dinner fiasco & portion jokes: 23:24 – 24:29
• Seeing the turkey at the mission: 25:01 – 25:33
• Episode wrap-up/reflection: 27:10 – 27:54

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Summary & Tone

True to its reputation, “Our Miss Brooks” offers a blend of dry wit, light farce, and real warmth. The Thanksgiving episode pokes fun at the traditional American holiday feast, small-town kindness, and the perpetual struggle of teachers and school staff. Packed with endearing mishaps and pointed one-liners, it ultimately lands on a note of gratitude and togetherness, with generosity taking precedence over perfect food or perfect plans.

Tone: Affectionately sarcastic, playful, community-oriented, with a gentle ribbing of authority figures and a celebration of “found family” in tough times.

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This summary provides a thorough look at the episode’s themes and best moments, making it easy to appreciate the humor and heart of classic radio—even if you missed the broadcast!

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Yes, a holiday means a lot to me. First, it gives me an opportunity to relax and count my lack of blessings. And second, it offers a chance to catch up on several days brooding. But this Thanksgiving was different. I knew it was going to be when I joined my landlady at breakfast last Wednesday morning. Good morning, Mrs. Davis. Did you have a nice night?

[C]

Wonderful, Connie. I didn't sleep a wink.

[B]

That sounds like fun.

[C]

I was planning my menu for tomorrow. It's Thanksgiving, you know, and I wanted something special to Minerva and me.

[B]

Minerva. Oh, there you are, you cute little kitten.

[C]

Where is she, Connie?

[B]

Taking my stocking off with her cute little paws. Stop it, Minerva. Now, get away from my stocking. Either get away from those or knit me a new pair with that ball of yarn you play with.

[C]

Go out to the kitchen, Minerva. I want you to hear about tomorrow's menu.

[B]

Meow. What are you having, Mrs. Davis?

[C]

Minerva's favorite dish. S, Q, U, A, B, meow, meow, meow, meow. It doesn't do a bit of good to spell things out anymore.

[B]

I guess she's too old for that. Please go into the kitchen, Minerva. There's some milk out there right under the S I, n, K. Meow, meow, meow, meow. Don't tell me she slammed the door behind her.

[C]

No, no, that was me, Connie. I wanted to show you the squab I got for tomorrow.

[B]

Oh, I'd like to see it.

[C]

Well, here it is.

[B]

Where? Oh, right there behind that carrot.

[C]

It isn't very big, is it?

[B]

I've seen stuffing with larger drumsticks.

[C]

You Know, Connie, I was all ready to get a nice 10 pound turkey yesterday when the clerk at the market said something that made me change my mind.

[B]

What did he say?

[C]

$8.30.

[B]

Oh, it is a pretty rude remark.

[C]

I'm afraid I was a little testy when I complained about the price. Anyway, when I demanded something cheaper. This is the bird he gave me.

[B]

He certainly did.

[C]

Well, it'll be enough for Minerva and myself. I suppose you've already been invited somewhere for turkey and all the fixings.

[B]

Where would you suggest?

[C]

Hasn't Mr. Boynton asked you out for Thanksgiving dinner time?

[B]

Not yet, Mrs. Davis, but this morning he's going to be exposed to the most thorough opportunity to do so. Good. Of course, Mr. Boynton's been on a very strict budget lately. He probably can't afford any turkey dinners.

[C]

Then you bring him back here with you, Connie.

[B]

Oh, that's very sweet of you, Mrs. Davis, but that squab.

[C]

We'll make it. Do remember the old saying, there's always room for just one more.

[B]

In this case, you must mean one more squab. Thanks anyway, Mrs. Davis. After all, we've still got our health. Which is more than I can say for that squab.

[C]

Of course, I'd rather see you eat a nice turkey dinner tomorrow. Maybe you could wrangle yourself an invitation from one of your friends.

[B]

Oh, please, Mrs. Davis. Oh, that must be Walter Denton. He's giving me a lift to school. Be right there. Walter.

[C]

Why don't you find out what his folks are planning for tomorrow? Maybe you could get yourself invited there.

[B]

I'm surprised at you, Mrs. Davis. Why, I've never forced myself on anyone in my life.

[C]

Connie, take another look at that squab.

[B]

Like I say, Walter's mother may not know it yet, but there's always room for just one more. Oh, it certainly is nice weather for Thanksgiving, isn't it, Walter?

[C]

It's More than nice, Ms. Brooks. This air is absolutely succulent. It's downright savory and delicious.

[B]

One more crack like that and I'll be gnawing on the steering wheel. Tell me, Walter, how do you usually spend Thanksgiving?

[C]

Well, usually mom cooks a big turkey and we have dinner around 4:00 in the afternoon. Gosh, I'll never forget last year's meal. First we had a fresh fruit cup, then some delicious vegetable soup. And then this big golden brown turkey was served with a special dressing made out of chestnuts and raisins and stuff.

[B]

And.

[C]

You want to hear the rest of it, Ms. Brooks?

[B]

Certainly. Just Pass me a blotter and keep talking.

[C]

Well, I don't remember all the dishes, but the hot mince pie was really tops. And my mom is just about the best cook in this town.

[B]

And like most good cooks, she probably prepares more food than she really needs.

[C]

Oh, sure. Out of last year's turkey, the whole family had turkey. Turkey giblets, turkey sandwiches and turkey hash.

[B]

That's because you didn't invite enough guests over for Thanksgiving dinner. You know, Walter, I've often thought that people who are so close to each other all year round should somehow manage to spend their holidays together as well.

[C]

What kind of people are you talking about, Ms. Brooks?

[B]

Well, school teachers and students, for example.

[C]

Who needs teachers on a holiday? I mean, most teachers you get enough of during school hours. If present company accepted, of course. You're a lot different, Ms. Brooks.

[B]

I know. I'm hungrier. Look, Walter, about spending Thanksgiving together if you're planning to be with your folks.

[C]

Oh, But I'm not, Ms. Brooks.

[B]

Now.

[C]

My mother and dad are going out of town for the weekend. It's my dad's first vacation in two years.

[B]

How come you're not leaving town with them?

[C]

It's my dad's first vacation in two years. He loves me, but he thinks I'm a little wearing in spots. So I'm staying over at Stretch Snodgrass's house until next week.

[B]

Oh, I see. Then you'll have Thanksgiving dinner with Mr. And Mrs. Snodgrass? No, ma'.

[A]

Am.

[C]

They're going away with my folks. They're good friends, you know, just like stretching me? But Ms. Brooks, I think your idea about spending Thanksgiving together as swell.

[B]

You do?

[C]

Sure. Then why don't you and Stretch and me have dinner tomorrow?

[B]

Dinner? Well, that might be very nice.

[C]

Won't you? Oh, great. Then Stretch and I will be over to your place at three o' clock sharp.

[B]

My place?

[C]

Yeah, that is if you still want us.

[B]

I wouldn't be without you. But Walter, Mrs. Davis did the shopping yesterday and there just weren't any good sized turkeys left that she could afford. So what she bought was a very.

[C]

Oh, what she bought isn't him, Ms. Brooks. What counts is spending Thanksgiving with people who mean something to you. Gee, the pilgrim certainly had it all over us modern characters. When a pilgrim wanted to celebrate the holiday, he just picked up his musket and shot himself a turkey.

[B]

At the current prices, Walter, the only way I'll have a turkey tomorrow is if I pick up a musket and shoot myself a butcher.

[A]

Come in.

[B]

Good morning, Mr. Boynton. I just wanted to talk to you for a minute before your first class.

[A]

Well, I'm glad you dropped in, Ms. Brooks. I've got some rather exciting news this morning.

[B]

I'll be glad to. What is it, Mr. Boyne?

[A]

Do you remember the raffle ticket I bought last month in Marty's Malt Shop?

[B]

Oh, on that green Adam Pat with the red feather?

[A]

No, no. On a Tom turkey. They had the drawing last night and I won. Isn't that wonderful?

[B]

That is what I call the coincidence of all time.

[A]

Coincidence.

[B]

Why do you think I stopped by your laboratory this morning?

[A]

Well, I don't know.

[B]

To invite you over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow.

[A]

Well, that is nice of you, Ms. Brooks. I'll be happy to come over. About what time will you be expecting me?

[B]

I'll be expecting you and Tom about noon.

[A]

Oh, you mean the turkey. Well, I'm afraid he won't be with me, Ms. Brooks. You see, at this very moment, the turkey is on a train headed upstate.

[B]

Why? Did he get fed up with our climate?

[A]

Oh, I sent him up to my folks place. Unfortunately, I couldn't afford to visit my parents this year. But. Well, now they'll have something to remind them of me anyhow.

[B]

Must be a very tall turkey. What does he weigh, Mr. Boynton?

[A]

About 18 pounds. Of course, what I'd do with an 18 pound turkey, I'll never know until tomorrow.

[B]

I'd better be running along now. On second thought, you needn't get to the house until 3 or 3:30. On third thought, you can back out of the whole thing if you want to.

[A]

Back out? I should say not. I'll be there all right. And thanks for the invitation.

[B]

You're welcome. But Mr. Boynton, if you're expecting the conventional Thanksgiving Day dinner, you're liable to be a little disappointed. I'm just not having it.

[A]

Oh, what are you having so far?

[B]

Walter Denton and Stretch Snodgrass.

[A]

Our Miss Brooks starring Eve Arden will continue in just a moment. But first, here is Vern Smith now. Proof that brushing teeth right after eating with Colgate nettle cream help stop tooth decay before it starts. Continuous research, hundreds of case histories, makes this the most conclusive proof in all dentifus research on tooth decay. Eminent dental authorities supervised hundreds of college men and women for over two years. One group always brushed their teeth with Colgates right after eating. The other followed their usual dental care. The group using Colgate dental cream as directed using Colgates exclusively showed a startling reduction in average number of cavities far less tooth decay. The other group developed new cavities at a much higher rate. No other dataprints offers proof of these results. Modern research shows decay is caused by mouth acids, which are at their worst right after eating. Brushing teeth with Colgates as directed helps remove acids before they harm enamel. Yes, Colgate contains all the necessary ingredients, including an exclusive patented ingredient for effective daily dental care. So remember, always use Colgate Dental Cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay.

[B]

Well, Thanksgiving Day arrived right on schedule. Mostly because I couldn't do anything to stop it. After breakfast, I headed straight to the kitchen. There, I took a good look at Mrs. Davis's square. Then I took an aspirin. Then I gave the squab an aspirin. Then I decided to make Mrs. Davis a full partner in my panic. Oh, this is terrible, Mrs. Davis. We can't possibly serve five people with this amount of food.

[C]

Calm down, Connie. We'll make out some way. I've got cans of salmon in the house and some cheese and crackers and tidbits of one sort or another.

[B]

But one doesn't serve tidbits for Thanksgiving dinner. I wish that bird looked bigger. Did you stuff him again since we last discussed it?

[C]

I've stuffed him five times since then, Connie. In fact, the last time I went to fill him up, I got the feeling that he was trying to kick my hand away.

[B]

Oh, it's no use, Mrs. Davis. It just won't work.

[C]

I still think you should follow the advice I gave you yesterday, Connie, and get yourself invited out for a real turkey dinner.

[B]

But I've already asked Mr. Boynton to join me.

[C]

Then get him invited along with you.

[B]

What about Stretch Snodgrass and Walter Denton?

[C]

Take them along, too.

[B]

Why not? While we're at it, why don't you and Minerva join our happy little group?

[C]

We'd love to, Connie. Where are we going?

[B]

I don't know where you're going, but I'm going to take another aspirin.

[C]

I'm sure the Conklins would like to have you over. I ran into Martha yesterday and she told me that she was all ready to carve a huge turkey.

[B]

Oh, is she fighting with Mr. Conklin again?

[C]

Don't be silly, Connie. Martha even remarked yesterday that she was hoping Mr. Conklin would ask some of.

[A]

The teachers in to share their dinner.

[B]

I can just picture that. If Mr. Conklin saw any teachers at his dinner table, he wouldn't know what to bite first.

[C]

That doesn't apply to Mr. Boynton, though Osgood is quite fond of him. And he's also extremely taken with Stretch. Not grab. Thinks he's the best athlete Madison's ever had.

[B]

What about his attitude toward me?

[C]

Call anyway. Remember, Connie, pride goes before a fall. You've got to make a hit. With Mr. Boynton here, I'll dial the.

[B]

Number for Mrs. Davis. Mr. Conklin can't stand the sight of Walter Denton.

[C]

His daughter Harriet is crazy about the boy. Hello? One moment, please. Miss Brooks is calling. You're coming.

[B]

Oh, Hello.

[C]

Oh, hello, Ms. Brooks. This is Harriet. Gee, I'm glad you called. You're having Walter Denton over for dinner, aren't you?

[B]

That's the original plan, Harriet.

[C]

But I can all have dinner together. Miss Brooks. I was just talking to Mother about it this minute. You were?

[B]

Well, now, that's funny. I wanted to talk to Mother about the same thing.

[C]

Wonderful.

[B]

Ms. Brooks.

[C]

Wait a minute. I'll put her on.

[B]

Thanks, Harriet. Harriet and her mother were just talking about getting together for dinner.

[C]

Mrs. Davis. Hello, Ms. Brooks.

[B]

Hello, Mrs. Conklin.

[C]

Forgive me if I talk rather quietly, but Mr. Conklin's taking a nap in the living room. He needs the rest. You know. He's been rather irritable lately.

[B]

I know. For the last five years. We've known each other for five years now and, well, the reason I called, Harriet told me.

[C]

Miss Brooks, I just know you feel exactly as we do, that people should share their Thanksgiving joy with their friends.

[B]

That's right, Mrs. Conklin. You understand, though, that it isn't just me. I've already invited Walter Stretch and Mr. Boynton.

[C]

The more the merrier, I always say.

[B]

Well, I'm glad you always say that, Mrs. Conklin, because my little party lacks just one thing which you and only you can provide.

[C]

What a beautiful way to put it. I can only say, Miss Brooks, that we'll be proud and happy to share Thanksgiving dinner with you and your friends.

[B]

Well, thank you, Mrs. Conklin. Thank you, my dear.

[C]

Harriet and Mr. Conklin and I will be at your place at 2:00 clock sharp. It's almost 1, Mother. Don't you think we should wake Daddy? In a minute, Harriet. Did you take our turkey down to the mission like I told you?

[B]

Yes, Mother. I just got back.

[C]

They certainly were grateful. The man said it would feed almost a dozen people who ordinarily would go without any Thanksgiving meal at all. Fine, dear. I know your father will be happy at the thought of sharing with our lesser privileged citizens. Now go on in and Wake him up, Harriet. Yes, Mother.

[A]

Daddy, have some more white meat, please.

[C]

It's time to get up.

[B]

Daddy.

[A]

What's the matter? Oh. Oh, it's you, child. What time is it?

[C]

One o'.

[B]

Clock.

[C]

How do you feel after your nap?

[A]

Fine, Harriet, just fine. Except for one thing.

[C]

What's that?

[A]

I could eat my weight in wildcats. Martha. Oh, Martha.

[C]

Yes, dear, what is it?

[A]

Let's not wait till 2 o' clock for dinner. I'd like to eat right now. Oh, but Osgood, I saw that turkey in the oven when it was finished this morning, Martha, and I just can't get it out of my mind. Oh, it sure smells good, too.

[C]

You must have a pretty long smeller, dear. We gave our turkey to the folks.

[B]

Who run the mission.

[C]

We're going out for dinner.

[A]

Oh, but I don't want to go out. I want to eat in my robe and slippers.

[B]

You gave our turkey to whom?

[C]

It's like a municipal shelter, you know. The nan said our turkey would feed almost a dozen underprivileged citizens.

[A]

Oh, he did? Well, teachers are underprivileged citizens too, but I don't give them my Thanksgiving dinner.

[C]

Now, calm down, Osgood. This is no day for your high blood pressure to get out of hand. We're going over to Margaret Davis place to have dinner with Ms. Brooks and some of her friends.

[A]

Ms. Brooks? Who needs teachers on a holiday?

[C]

Mrs. Davis is a very exotic cook. I'm sure she'll have some wonderful dishes prepared for you.

[A]

But I don't want Mrs. Davis's dishes. I want turkey.

[B]

T U R K Y turkey.

[C]

Now, everyone buys too much for Thanksgiving dinner. Otherwise we'd have brought our turkey over to Ms. Brook. But as it is, think of the joy you're sharing with the people at the mission.

[A]

Ood joy, my foot. The food at Miss Brook's place had better be good today. Good? It had better be great.

[B]

Every time I tried to call Mrs. Conklin back, the party line was in use. Now they don't answer. They're probably on their way over here this minute. To eat dinner or not to eat dinner.

[C]

Please, Connie, you're beginning to sound like Hamlet. Don't worry so about the Conklins. They'll probably bring their turkey over with them and we'll have plenty.

[B]

Do you really think so, Mrs. Davis?

[C]

We'll soon know. Connie, will you answer the door, please? I'm trying to find some more cans of salmon, just in case.

[B]

All right, Mrs. Davis.

[C]

Happy Thanksgiving, Ms. Brooks. A very happy Thanksgiving, Ms. Brooks.

[A]

Hello.

[B]

The same to you. But is this all the party?

[C]

What do you mean, Ms. Brooks?

[B]

I mean, just you three. Nothing waiting out in the car or anything.

[C]

Well, we were going to bring our turkey along, but we know what a well stocked larder you folks must have, so we donated it to the mission.

[B]

The mission?

[A]

One of my favorite charities. There's no joy like sharing. May we come in now and start sharing yours?

[B]

Of course, Mr. Conklin. If you'll just sit here in the living room, I'll go back to the kitchen and tell Mrs. Davis you're here.

[C]

Oh, Harriet and I will go back and help out Miss Brooks. You've done enough for one day.

[B]

Why, I'll bet you worked like a beaver this morning. Gnawed through six fingernails. Oh, I didn't do too much. No.

[C]

Come on, Mother. I'll fix the salad dressing that new way you showed me. All right, dear. And I'll tell Mrs. Davis about the new things we've been doing with parsley.

[A]

Never mind the side dishes. Let's just get that turkey to the table, pronto.

[C]

You chat with Miss Brooks here. We'll just be a little while.

[A]

We'll make it snappy. I could eat my weight in wildcats, Miss Brooks.

[B]

If they come in cans, you may get the chance. I mean, we'll be sitting down as soon as. As the others arrive, Mr. Conklin.

[A]

Oh, yes, I forgot. You're having some of your friends in. I hope that lame brain dunce Walter Denton isn't expected.

[B]

Want some popcorn, Mr. Conklin? Or a potato chip?

[A]

No. No, thanks. Who's coming to this dinner, Miss Brooks?

[B]

Well, Mr. Boynton, for one.

[A]

Oh, nice chap, Boynton. Far less irritating than many of his contemporaries. I.

[B]

What's the trouble, Mr. Conklin?

[A]

I'm. I'm not a well man. I've had some very strange symptoms lately.

[B]

What kind of symptoms?

[A]

Well, every so often I get sudden, blinding flashes of appetite.

[B]

Oh, well, that's. That's because you're under such a strain, Mr. Conklin. You see, under great emotional tension, many people experience sudden and uncontrollable appetite. It's psychosomatic to some extent.

[A]

Really? Now, perhaps you'd like me to stretch out on the couch. And tell me how at the age of three, I was convinced that my younger brother was a cocker spaniel.

[B]

Yours too? I was only trying to stall. Help, Mr. Cocker. I had an aunt who suffered just like you do. I remember one time my uncle caught his nose in the piano bench and he ran right down to the Corner and bought herself a pickle.

[A]

A pickle?

[B]

It satisfied her nervous cravings. When she stayed with us, we always had to keep a big supply of food on hand. Big juicy steaks. Chop chicken, ducks. Cold cuts, potato salad.

[A]

Please, please, Ms. Brooks, I want my dinner.

[B]

But, Mr. Conklin, the others aren't. It's open. Come on in.

[A]

Hello, Ms. Brooks. Oh, Mr. Conklin. Say, this is a surprise. Hello, Boynton. Can we sit down now, Miss Brooks?

[B]

Not quite yet. Pull up a chair, Mr. Boynton.

[A]

Thanks. Well, how does the turkey look? Did you get a nice sized bird?

[B]

Well, to be honest, Mr. Boynton, our turkey may not be such a big bird, but I'm sure the party is going to be a very big turkey. Oh, I almost forgot. Scott, there are some salted peanuts in this dish.

[A]

Mr. Conlyn, one would almost think you were trying to destroy my appetite. But nothing can do that, Ms. Brooks. Absolutely nothing.

[C]

The door was open, so I just freezed on in. Hi, Miss Brooks.

[B]

Here comes nothing now.

[C]

Oh, hi, Mr. Boynton and Mr. Conklin.

[A]

Hello, gentlemen.

[C]

Miss Brooks, I've got some bad news for you.

[B]

You'll have to get in line. Walter, what is it?

[C]

Well, Stretch's aunt and uncle insisted that he have dinner with them today. So he can't possibly be here in time to eat with us. Isn't that awful?

[B]

I'm absolutely devastated.

[C]

Me too. Gosh, Ms. Brooks, what do we do with all the extra food that's left over?

[B]

We'll eat it at last.

[C]

Come on.

[A]

May I escort you to the dining room, Ms. Brooks?

[B]

It won't be necessary, Mr. Boynton. I'll just follow Leo. The l.

[C]

I've cut the scrub into small pieces and sprayed it with sweet air. Connie, nobody will know it isn't turkey. Now then, keep the lid on this big tray. Except when you're serving. And they won't know how little we've got.

[B]

All right, Mrs. Davis. I might as well trot it. Well, here we are. What'll you have, Mrs. Conklin?

[C]

Oh, serve Mr. Conklin first, will you, dear? He's quite hungry.

[B]

Certainly, Mr. Conklin. What'll it be?

[A]

I'll have a drumstick.

[B]

A drumstick? Yes, sir. Here you are.

[A]

Where I are?

[B]

The drumstick. This is it. You know what they say. The nearer the bone, the sweeter the meat.

[A]

If this has any meat on it, it must be inside the bone.

[B]

Well, this is a brand new breed of Turkey, Mr. Conklin. They've been experimenting for years with this type on the theory that the shorter the legs, the larger the breast.

[A]

Oh, then give me some of that.

[B]

Yes, sir. Here it is.

[A]

This is it.

[B]

This it is. You see, when they were experimenting with the short legs, the breast didn't quite get the idea of what they were trying to do.

[A]

Well, where are the wings?

[B]

This bird didn't get his wings. He flunked out in basic training.

[A]

I thought we'd never get out of that place. Fine dinner that was.

[C]

Take it easy, Osgood. We'll stop off on our way home and get a bite somewhere. I thought the salmon was quite tasty. But, Mother, why do you suppose Ms. Brooks took Mr. Boynton aside and then excused herself in the middle of the meal and left? Why? It was obvious Dear Ms. Brooks wanted.

[B]

Us to have enough to eat.

[A]

To think we sent a beautiful 16 pound turkey to the mission.

[C]

Everything happened for the best. Here, see? That's the mission right ahead of us. What a big line of people waiting to be fed. Doesn't it do your heart good to know that we. Mother, look. That man with the two plates full of turkey.

[A]

Yeah, full of my turkey. Why, it's Mr. Boynton.

[C]

So it is. And who's that right behind him with the blue cap and hitting the big baseball?

[B]

Marilyn. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Steve Arden is on his book.

[A]

So he turns in just a moment. But first, dream girl. Dream girl. Beautiful mustard. Tonight. Yes, tonight, show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo. Luster cream. World's finest shampoo. No other shampoo in the world gives K Duma's magic blend of secret ingredients. Plus gentle lanolin. Not a soap, not a liquid. Luster cream shampoo leaves hair three ways lovelier. Fragrantly clean, free of loose dandruff. Glistening with sheen. Soft, manageable even in hardest water. Luster cream lathers instantly. No special rinse needed after a luster cream shampoo. So gentle. Luster cream is wonderful even for children's hair. Tonight, yes, tonight try luster cream shampoo.

[B]

Dream girl.

[A]

Dream girl. Beautiful Luster cream Cream girl. You owe your crowning glory to a luster cream champ. And now, once again, here is our Ms. Brooks.

[B]

Well, after Mr. Bonton and I had helped to feed over 50 underprivileged citizens, including Mr. Bon and me, we found out that we had enough money between us to feed, take in a movie. But on our way to the Strand, Mr. Boynton suddenly stopped.

[A]

Ms. Brooks helping out at the mission made me realize how lonely the most festive occasion can be if you're not sharing it with someone.

[B]

You're so right, Mr. Boynton. I guess you and I are pretty fortunate.

[A]

We certainly are. But I just remembered that there's another member of Madison's faculty who's all alone tonight and needs cheering up pretty badly. Let's do something about it, shall we, Miss Brooks?

[B]

Oh, that's a wonderful idea, Mr. Boynton. I'm all for it. I suppose you're referring to our French colleague, Monsieur leblanche.

[A]

Oh, no, Ms. Brooks. I was thinking of Ms. Enright. Let's go pick her up right now.

[B]

Who needs teachers on a holiday?

[A]

Next week turn into another our Ms. Brooks show. Brought to you by Luster Cream Shampoo for soft, glamorous, caressible hair. And Colgate Dental Cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay. Our Ms. Brooks, starring Eve Arden, is produced by Larry Burns, directed by Al Lewis with music by Wilbur Hatch. Mr. Boynton is played by Jeff Chandler, Mr. Conklin by Gail Gordon. Here's good shaving news. Three men out of every four can get more comfortable actually smoother shaves with Palmolive Brushless Shaving Cream. This is not just a claim. Here's the proof. 1297 men tried the Palm Olive brushless way to shave described on the tube. And no matter how they shaved before, three men out of every four got more comfortable actually smoother shaves. Try Plumalette Brushless yourself. See if you don't get more comfortable actually smoother shaves. The proved Plumolet Brushless way More mystery liberally sprinkled with laughs. Listen to Mr. And Mrs. North. Tune in Tuesday evening over most of these same stations and be with us again next week at the same time for another comedy episode of our Ms. Brown Brooks. Bob Lamond speaking. SSPS, the Economy Broadcasting System.