Ozzie and Harriet 44-11-19 (007) Enters Essay Contest

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio – "Ozzie and Harriet 44-11-19 (007) Enters Essay Contest"

Episode Information

• Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Episode: Ozzie and Harriet 44-11-19 (007) Enters Essay Contest
• Release Date: January 10, 2025

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Introduction

In this engaging episode of Harold's Old Time Radio, listeners are transported back to the Golden Age of Radio, featuring the beloved characters Ozzie and Harriet Nelson. The episode, titled "Ozzie and Harriet 44-11-19 (007) Enters Essay Contest," revolves around Ozzie's humorous and heartfelt attempt to win a magazine essay contest on the theme of glamour. Through witty dialogues and relatable family dynamics, the episode captures the charm and simplicity of mid-20th-century American family life.

Discovery of the Contest

The story begins in the Nelson household shortly after dinner. Ozzie, portrayed by Ozzie Nelson, is lounging in the living room with his wife, Harriet (played by Harriet Nelson). Reflecting on his bachelor days, Ozzie expresses contentment with family life:

Ozzie Nelson [00:52]: "When the cop goes gangster... It's not about the money. It's about the challenge."

Amidst their conversation, Harriet brings to Ozzie's attention a contest advertised in the back page of the Super Movie magazine:

Gloria [06:04]: "Before you put down that magazine, look at that back page. There's a contest there that might interest you."

Ozzie's enthusiasm is palpable as he considers participating:

Ozzie Nelson [06:10]: "I've always figured that's how I'd make my second million as a writer."

The Plan to Enter the Contest

Motivated by the potential prize, Ozzie decides to enter the essay contest, which requires a 600-word piece on glamour. Harriet supports his endeavor, suggesting they gather firsthand experience by visiting a local nightclub:

Gloria [07:52]: "Well, sure. In order to write about glamour, you have to study it firsthand."

Ozzie sees this as an opportunity to not only win the contest but also to rejuvenate his creative spirit.

The Trip to the Nightclub

The Nelsons head to the Tacombel (later referred to as Tricombo) Café in Hollywood, aiming to immerse themselves in the glamorous nightlife. Their journey is marked by familial banter and relatable moments:

Ozzie Nelson [11:20]: "Little Ricky here just paid his mother a very nice compliment. He said I look sharp as a Tack."

Upon arrival, they encounter an initially unwelcoming environment. Assigned to an isolated table, Ozzie struggles to find inspiration:

Ozzie Nelson [18:02]: "I haven't thought of anything for the magazine contest yet, have you?"

Challenges and Observations

As the evening progresses, Ozzie grapples with the challenge of defining glamour. The nightclub's decor and the absence of recognizable movie stars leave him disheartened:

Ozzie Nelson [18:31]: "Look at those decorations they have painted on the wall. Don't you think they're kind of risque?"

Despite the setbacks, Harriet encourages Ozzie to persevere, highlighting the importance of firsthand observation in his writing process.

Inspiration and Realization

A turning point occurs when a dancer recognizes Ozzie and Harriet's presence, leading to a relocation to a more prominent table. This change brings Ozzie face-to-face with true glamour, embodied by Harriet and the elegant ambiance of the nightclub:

Dancer [21:20]: "Any young lady as truly glamorous as your wife should always be seated at a ring-side table."

Inspired by this experience and the realization that glamour is intrinsically tied to personal relationships and genuine elegance, Ozzie finds the creative spark he was seeking.

Contest Result

Upon returning home, the Nelsons receive a letter announcing Ozzie's triumph in the contest. His essay, humorously titled "Girls of the Nation Seek Glorification or They Clamor for Glamour," won first prize—a free trip to Hollywood:

Ozzie Nelson [28:14]: "We have won the first prize. A free trip to Hollywood."

Harriet expresses skepticism but ultimately shares in Ozzie's joy:

Gloria [28:40]: "Just what we needed. Sudden service."

Key Quotes with Timestamps

• Ozzie on Bachelor Life [01:04]:

  "Now, I frankly admit some of the most miserable days of my life were spent as a bachelor."

• Harriet on Glamour [04:23]:

  "People talk about glamour and picture stars. I wonder if they'll ever recapture the glamour of old Hollywood."

• Ozzie's Realization [16:09]:

  "This is quite a walk."

• Gloria Encouraging Ozzie [20:36]:

  "Don't start worrying about it, making yourself miserable, dear."

• Ozzie's Winning Essay [25:38]:

  "When we think of glamour, we almost immediately think of sweater girls... It's exotic perfume, lipstick and personality that makes her tempting."

Conclusion

"Ozzie and Harriet 44-11-19 (007) Enters Essay Contest" is a delightful exploration of creativity, family support, and the quest to understand abstract concepts like glamour. Through Ozzie's humorous trials and eventual success, the episode underscores the value of perseverance and the importance of close familial bonds. Listeners are left with a heartwarming reminder that true glamour often resides in genuine relationships and personal authenticity.

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Note: This summary captures the essence and key moments of the episode, providing both an overview and insightful excerpts for those who haven't listened to the original broadcast.

Transcript

[Narrator]

Today you're gonna rob that place. Now I'm gonna do it with you.

[Ozzie Nelson]

When the cop goes gangster.

[Narrator]

Get your tickets. It's not about the money. It's about the challenge. To the best heist movie in years.

[Harriet Nelson]

You feeling it?

[Narrator]

I'm feeling it. Den of Thieves 2, rated R. Now playing only in theaters.

[Harriet Nelson]

The Adventures of Ozzy and Harriet. Starring young America's favorite couple. Ozzie Nelson and Harriet. Now let's look in at the Nelson home. It's 8pm Dinner is over and the head of the house is sitting in a living room. Ozzy is right there beside her.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, hum. You know, Harriet, out of the whole 20, the time when I feel the lazier Right after dinner. Best time of all to just relax and read a little.

[Gloria]

Mm. Think you got something there, Ozzie.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Let's see what I'll read tonight. H.G. wells, Outline of History? No. Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire. What's that right over there, dear?

[Gloria]

This one on the table? Yeah, it's the November issue of Super Movie magazine.

[Ozzie Nelson]

I think I'll browse through that a while. Gosh, you know, these magazines are all the same. Now, just look at pages 4, 5 and 6. Nothing but photographs of movie stars kissing each other.

[Gloria]

I wonder if they don't ever get tired of that.

[Ozzie Nelson]

I guess not. It says continued on page 103.

[Gloria]

Say, there's some interesting articles this month, though that's a Romance and glamour issue.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Mm, just glancing through to hear the Glamour department doesn't seem to be doing so well this month.

[Gloria]

Really?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Now, just listen to this. Gwendolyn Latour, pictured here at the Brown Derby with Garvin Peterson, is going to marry Cedric Parker as soon as she is divorced from her present husband, Horace Seabrook. Gosh, but this probably won't be until June. Says Mr. Seabrook's fiance, Peggy Travers, because her husband won't let her go to Reno until she breaks her engagement to Talbot Dillon.

[Gloria]

It certainly sounds complicated.

[Ozzie Nelson]

It sure does. I think I'll just stick to.

[Gloria]

Oh, gee, thanks, kid.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Now I frankly admit some of the most miserable days of my life were spent as a bachelor.

[Gloria]

Oh, you're just saying that so I'll bake a chocolate cake.

[Ozzie Nelson]

No, no, I'm not. I really mean it.

[Gloria]

What didn't you like about being a bachelor?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, I had to sew my own buttons on, darn my own socks, wash out my own shirt and eat dinner alone.

[Gloria]

But things are different now.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Yeah, I don't have to eat dinner alone anymore.

[Gloria]

You know, it sounds kind of silly now. Thinking of you as a bachelor.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Yeah, I remember at that time I used my middle name, George. Did you know that?

[Gloria]

Well, of course. Don't you remember the first ring you gave me? The inscription you had on it?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Yeah, I don't think I do.

[Gloria]

Well, I'll never forget it. I thought at first you were telling me where to go. It said G to H.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Yeah, I remember.

[Gloria]

You know, I'm glad you went back to the name Ossie, though. It fits you better. George sounds too formal for you.

[Ozzie Nelson]

It's a nice name, though.

[Gloria]

Oh, I like it. Some of my favorite people are named George, but for you. Oh, I like an unusual name better. And, oh, I don't know, every Tom, Dick and Harry is named George.

[Ozzie Nelson]

You know, sometimes I wonder if they really expect people to believe some of this stuff here in these magazines.

[Gloria]

Like what?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Now, just listen to this. Did you know that Ernie Pagano, the famous movie producer, has three swimming pools? Hot, Cold and seven Up?

[Gloria]

Oh, say, I knew there was something I wanted to tell you. It says in that issue that Throckmorton Hamilton and his wife have split up.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, that's too bad.

[Gloria]

Mm. He seemed like an ideal husband.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, I don't think I'd go that far.

[Gloria]

What makes you say that?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, now, for one thing, he absolutely refused to buy his wife a mink coat.

[Gloria]

Well, darling, I don't have a mink coat either.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Yeah, but he came right out and said no. Instead of promising her one and then not getting it for her like a gentleman.

[Gloria]

You know, people talk about glamour and picture stars. I wonder if they'll ever recapture the glamour of old Hollywood. Of the silent days. Clara Bow and Theta Barra and Francis X. Bushman.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Yeah, Hollywood must have been interesting back in those old days. Yet in some ways, it was like a big country town.

[Gloria]

I understand that not so many years ago they used to pick lemons on Hollywood Boulevard.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Yeah.

[Gloria]

Where did we meet, Ozzy?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Now, you know very well where we met. And stop trying to tear down my romantic appeal.

[Gloria]

Oh, Ozzie Nelson. Every time you read a movie magazine, you picture yourself as a glamour boy, don't you? Well, don't you?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Yay.

[Gloria]

Oh, brother.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Come with me. Me? To the Roseland Ballroom.

[Gloria]

What's the matter with the Palladium?

[Ozzie Nelson]

It's cheaper at the Roseland Ballroom.

[Gloria]

Oh, I see.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, Mrs. Parkington, you are beautiful. Kiss me.

[Gloria]

Oh, but suppose Mr. Parkington arrives home suddenly?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Don't worry about Mr. Parkington. Mrs. Parkington?

[Gloria]

Why not? Where's he?

[Ozzie Nelson]

With Mrs. Skeffington.

[Gloria]

Silly. That's Enough. Now you've had your fun.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, I did pretty well, didn't I? What do you think of me as the great lover?

[Gloria]

Well, of course, dear. Being your wife, I'm naturally a little prejudiced.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, yes, of course. But wait a minute now. Maybe I'd better think that one over a little.

[Gloria]

Oh, say, before you put down that magazine, look at that back page. There's a contest there that might interest you.

[Ozzie Nelson]

The back page?

[Gloria]

Mm.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Let me see. Have you ever been offered a penny for your thoughts? If you have, then it's time you stop thinking so cheap. Turn your imagination into real money. You may have a gold mine hidden in your head.

[Gloria]

Well, that sounds easy enough. You just take your hat off and discover hidden fortune.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Say, wait a minute. You spent your kidding. You've given me an idea.

[Gloria]

Oh, no.

[Ozzie Nelson]

By golly, I've always figured that's how I'd make my second million as a writer.

[Gloria]

Your second million?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Yes. I've given up hopes for the first million longer. It says, if you think you have literary talents, why not prove it to yourself and us by sitting down tonight and writing a 600 word essay on glamour?

[Gloria]

Go on.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Tell us in your own words what glamour is, what it means, what part it plays in our current pattern of life.

[Gloria]

Oh, don't tell me you're really going to enter that contest.

[Ozzie Nelson]

I certainly am. All you need to win is a pencil and a paper and some brains. I can get the pencil and paper at the Owl Drugstore.

[Gloria]

What about the brains?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Sears and Roebuck?

[Gloria]

Anastasia, sometimes I think you're crazy.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, go ahead, call me crazy. They said Edison was crazy. They said Robert Fulton was crazy. They said Joe Cackalatch was crazy.

[Gloria]

Who's Joe Cackalatch?

[Ozzie Nelson]

He's my uncle. He was crazy.

[Gloria]

Ozzy, are you really serious about entering that contest?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, certainly. I have a tremendous advantage living here in Hollywood.

[Gloria]

Well, what do you mean?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, we get a chance to see glamour at first hand here.

[Gloria]

Oh, are you kidding? We haven't even been to a drive in for three weeks. And I don't know when we went to a nightclub last.

[Ozzie Nelson]

See, that's right, isn't it?

[Gloria]

But you've given me an idea. I could be ready in 15 minutes.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Ready?

[Gloria]

Well, sure. In order to write about glamour, you have to study it at firsthand. And what spot in the world is more glamorous than the Tacombel nightclub right here in Hollywood, huh?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, I hate to admit it, but I think you got something there. And if I win third prize of $200? We ought to break even on the night.

[Gloria]

Third prize is 200. What are the others?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, it's. The second prize is 500. The first prize is to be announced later. Probably about 1,000.

[Gloria]

Well, we'd better tell Gloria we won't have dinner at home. Oh, gee, I hope she won't mind staying home alone with the children. Oh, Gloria. Gloria.

[Waiter]

Did you call me, Mrs. Nelson?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Gloria, we're going to the Tracombo Cafe tonight.

[Waiter]

Oh, that's nice.

[Gloria]

You don't happen to have a date this evening, do you?

[Waiter]

Well, nothing important.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Do you think it'd be possible for you to break it?

[Waiter]

Oh, thank you, Mr. Nelson. I'd break it in any time to go to the Trecambo.

[Gloria]

You don't understand, Gloria.

[Ozzie Nelson]

No, you see, I'm taking Mrs. Nelson.

[Waiter]

Yes, it's better that way. It wouldn't look right for you and me to go there alone.

[Gloria]

What we mean is, would you stay home with the children?

[Waiter]

Oh, home. Well, I'll do it.

[Gloria]

Thanks. Gloria, we hate to ask you to do this, but Mr. Nelson's writing an article about glamour and he wants to get a little firsthand information.

[Waiter]

Well, I'd be happy to help out any way I can.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, well, thank you, Gloria. I didn't realize you were interested in glamour.

[Waiter]

Oh, yes. Some of my friends call me the Maria Montez of the Union stockyard.

[Gloria]

Well, Gloria, we'll have to be going soon.

[Waiter]

That's all right. Go right ahead. Have a good time. And if you see Van Johnson.

[Gloria]

Yes?

[Waiter]

Just give him this message for me.

[Gloria]

What message? Oh. Oh, and Gloria, remember, if you want us, we'll be at the Tacombo nightclub. And while we're gone, looking at the children every once in a while. Oh, and be sure the doors are locked.

[Waiter]

Roger.

[Gloria]

Ozzy. Where in the world did she get that Roger from? It's strictly GI Isn't it?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Yeah, I taught it to her. I was an MP in the last war.

[Gloria]

You know, Ozzie Nelson. You were a Boy Scout in the last war and you know it.

[Ozzie Nelson]

That's what I said. MP Mouse Patrol.

[Gloria]

Why don't you phone for taxi cab while I go upstairs and get dressed?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Okay. Let's see now. What's the phone number? The taxi. Oh, yeah, taxis are sure hard to get these days.

[Waiter]

Would you please place your call again, sir?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, all right.

[Gloria]

Big job getting dressed.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Rick, I didn't even get a cab yet.

[Taxi Driver]

How do I look?

[Ozzie Nelson]

You look wonderful, as usual.

[Gloria]

Little Ricky here just paid his mother a very nice compliment. He said I look sharp as a Tack. That's pretty good for four years old, isn't it?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Sure is. Glad I have my best suit on tonight, too. How does your old man look, Ricky? I said, how do I look, Ricky?

[Dancer]

Sharp as a marble, dad.

[Ozzie Nelson]

We just gotta get that kid's tonsils taken out. Oh, well. Let's go, Harriet. Let's look over the glamour.

[Gloria]

If you don't mean it don't talk sweet words if they're not true. Don't tear my heart like it was paper because my heart loved only you.

[Ozzie Nelson]

You can't go around sweethearting others and then pretend that I'm yours exclusively. Love must be true. Mean what you're saying Unless you do. Don't sweetheart me. That's how the song was originally written. And then the torch singers took it over and developed it into everything.

[Gloria]

But don't sweetheart me, don't sweetheart me because you're mean to me. Why must you be mean to me? You know you're just my bill and you know you always will For I'll be loving you always that's just why I say Music maestro. Please don't sweetheart me. Then there's the extra words. Nan. He really butchers it up with added words like this.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Don't sweetheart me oh, honey baby if you do you to be sorry. I know what to do to you and if you do then you'll regret it. Wait and see don't sweetheart me and don't forget it Last week you heard me say it hot or I'll repay it me. And then the dance bands take over the melody and write their super special arrangements. And don't sweetheart me.

[Harriet Nelson]

Ozzy and Harry at the Tricombo Cafe, where Ozzy expects to get some ideas on glamour. In the hope of winning the magazine contest he's going to enter. Their taxi is just pulling up in front of the door.

[Gloria]

This is it. Tricambo Cafe.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Okay, thank you. Miss, how do you like driving a taxi cab?

[Waiter]

Oh, fine, thanks.

[Gloria]

It sort of runs in our families. My two sisters are cab drivers. My mother drives a cat cabin. My father drives a cab.

[Narrator]

Today you're gonna rob that place. And I'm gonna do it with you.

[Ozzie Nelson]

When the cop goes gangster.

[Narrator]

Get your tickets. It's not about the money. It's about the challenge to the best heist movie in years.

[Harriet Nelson]

You feeling it?

[Gloria]

I'm feeling it.

[Narrator]

Den of Thieves 2. Rated R. Now playing only in theaters.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Your father drives the cab, too. Hey.

[Gloria]

Yeah. He wears the wig. Of course.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Of course.

[Gloria]

That'll be a dollar 35.

[Ozzie Nelson]

All right. Here you Are. And here's a tip for you.

[Gloria]

Oh, thanks. That money will come in very handy. I'm buying my grandmother a pair of eyeglasses. She's 80 years old, you know.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Really? 80 years old. It's about time she had a pair of glasses. She needs them, doesn't she?

[Gloria]

I'll say. It's a tough job driving them Greyhound buses.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, here it is. The exclusive and popular Tracum.

[Gloria]

Sure looks pretty from the outside. I hope we can get a good table.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Yes, all right.

[Dancer]

Oh, yes, sir. How many, please?

[Ozzie Nelson]

A table for two, please.

[Dancer]

Well, let's see. I can give you number 19. It's a nice little secluded table behind that potted palm.

[Ozzie Nelson]

You can give us a table right out in the open. This is my wife.

[Dancer]

Very good, sir. A Tyrone. Show this lady and Gentleman to number 58.

[Taxi Driver]

Oh, number 58. Yes, sir. Step right this way, please.

[Gloria]

Goodness, how much further back are you taking us?

[Taxi Driver]

Just keep following me, please.

[Ozzie Nelson]

This is quite a walk.

[Taxi Driver]

I'm sorry, but we're very close tonight.

[Gloria]

Oh, where's our table in North Hollywood? Hello, darling. Oh, hello, Dorothy. Will I see you later? You might be able to. You can borrow a telescope.

[Taxi Driver]

Well, here's your table.

[Gloria]

Goodness. What direction is the dance floor?

[Taxi Driver]

Just directly south, southeast. In fact, on a clear night you can see the orchestra quite plain from.

[Ozzie Nelson]

May we have a menu, please, Tyrone?

[Taxi Driver]

Oh, I'm so sorry. I forgot to bring a menu with me.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, can't you go and get us one?

[Taxi Driver]

Again, I'm so sorry. I only make this trip once a night. I ain't as young as I used to be, you know.

[Gloria]

Yes, it is quite a hike to where we came from.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, never mind. Just bring us a couple of ham sandwiches and some coffee. Yes, sir. Yes.

[Taxi Driver]

Which way is the kitchen? Oh, yes, this way.

[Gloria]

Well, darling, I guess you haven't thought of anything for the magazine contest yet, have you?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, how can you find out anything about dilemma when they put you at an isolated table way back here?

[Gloria]

It's isolated all right.

[Ozzie Nelson]

I'll have to admit, though, it's a beautiful nightclub. Yes, it is.

[Gloria]

Look at those decorations they have painted on the wall. Don't you think they're kind of risque?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Gosh, naked beer glasses, cigars, cigarettes, split guns.

[Waiter]

Cigars, cigarettes, flip guns, split guns and a nightclub.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Why, that's silly.

[Gloria]

You think so? Wait till you see the floor show. Cigar, cigarette.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Do you see any movie stars, Harriet?

[Gloria]

No, I don't.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Of course, this isn't exactly a ringside table.

[Gloria]

Happy New Year.

[Dancer]

How you doing?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Baby.

[Gloria]

I guess I'm doing all right, thank you.

[Dancer]

Well, how about a dance, baby? Come on, let's look.

[Gloria]

I don't think I'd be very much.

[Ozzie Nelson]

In just a moment. I happen to be this lady's husband. Well, so what? He wants to dance with you. You've been drinking, haven't you? I certainly have.

[Dancer]

What time is it?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Time? Oh, it's just 12:00. 12:00. Oh, oh, 12:00.

[Dancer]

Oh, thank you very much.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, goodbye. Say, just a minute. You're perfectly sober now. Well, of course. It's against the law to be drunk after 12:00.

[Gloria]

Say, Ozzy, I think you're. I think your watch is fast, dear. It's only 1155.

[Dancer]

1155? 5.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, that's different.

[Dancer]

Straighten up and fly right.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, boy, what a character. See, I think I hear the oxer starting. Would you like to dance with your husband?

[Gloria]

I'd love to. If you don't think we'd be too conspicuous, let's chance. Oh, I enjoyed dancing with you, Ozzy.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, thank you. I enjoyed it too.

[Gloria]

Did you get any inspiration, Dawn? Glamour while you were dancing and looking at people?

[Ozzie Nelson]

No, I did. And I'm beginning to wonder if I know what glamour really is.

[Gloria]

Oh, well, don't start worrying about it, making yourself miserable, dear.

[Taxi Driver]

Oh, well, pardon me, but would you folks care for anything else?

[Ozzie Nelson]

No, I don't think so. Just give me a check, please. We're leaving now.

[Gloria]

All right.

[Dancer]

What did you have?

[Ozzie Nelson]

We had two ham sandwiches and a cup of coffee. How much is that?

[Taxi Driver]

It'll be $27.45.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, okay. Here's the money.

[Taxi Driver]

Oh, thank you, sir. Now I can go to the Palladium tomorrow night. I'll straighten me up from Siamese.

[Gloria]

Oh, dear. It's too bad the evening had to be such a fizzle, Ozzy.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Yes. Spending all this money and still not finding out what I wanted to.

[Dancer]

Oh, pardon me, sir. As you know, I am the ed waiter. I am terribly sorry I gave you that bad table. I just found out you're Ozzie Nelson and Harry Hill. Oh, that's all right. Oh, no, no, it isn't. Any young lady as truly glamorous as your wife should always be seated at a ring side table.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, gosh. Say, just a minute. Did you say glamorous?

[Dancer]

I certainly did. And furthermore, she's the first person who's been in here in months who really has glamour.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Gee, honey, what a dope I am out trying to discover what glamour is and all the Time. I'm married to it. Oh.

[Gloria]

Ay.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Gosh. Now I know I can win that contest.

[Dancer]

Oh, I hope you won't think this as an imposition, but several of our guests wanted to ask if you and your glamorous wife would perhaps sing a song together.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, I honestly don't think we know it all the way through. Let's see. Together we stroll the lane.

[Dancer]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You misunderstand me. It doesn't have to be together. Sing any song at all.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, I see.

[Dancer]

As long as you sing together.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Look.

[Gloria]

Which is Abbott and W. Which is to sell on who's on third?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Now, we'll be happy to sing a song. Really? We'll be very happy to sing a song for you. But there'll be a slight charge.

[Dancer]

Oh, that's perfectly all right. How much are you going to charge?

[Ozzie Nelson]

That'll be $27.45.

[Gloria]

Private Butch McHugh from 3rd Avenue was put into Class 1A. The gang at Duffy's pattern got a letter from this army life says he is okie doke by me. You guys should see the gals that are building up my morale.

[Ozzie Nelson]

I'm dancing with the mamas with the moolah. They must have drafted me into society. It took a uniform to show the Danes my charms. Now you ought to see the babe that I'm holding in my arm quite as much. And as Phyllis and Tallulah they take me home for muffins and tea. I used to shelfa for a guy for 30 bucks a week. And now I'm dancing with his daughter cheek for cheek. I'm dancing with the mamas with the moolah. Cause the army made a wow wow outta.

[Gloria]

Good evening, Carpo. Are you having a nice.

[Ozzie Nelson]

I certainly am. Why, I used to pay them Roseland dames a dime a dance. And now I'm having fun for free. And with debutante.

[Gloria]

Have you met Gwendolyn and Ethel and Tallulah?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, how do you do?

[Gloria]

They'd like to take you home for muffins and tea.

[Ozzie Nelson]

A pleasure, I'm sure when it is over. Oh, boy, I'll never have to wait. And those guys used to think that I was just an illiterate character. I'm standing with the mama's with the moolah. Cause the army made a wow wow out of me. Look at me.

[Gloria]

Ozzy. Do you realize you've been working all night on that darn contest?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, this typewriter is no help. Every time I hit the letter J.

[Gloria]

It comes out of y well, honey, don't blame me. You're the Yerk who owns the typewriter.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Gee, Harry, now that I've sent in my entry, I wonder when we're going to hear the results of the contest.

[Gloria]

Almost any day now, I expect. Say, you seem pretty confident that you're going to win a prize.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, if I said my essay was wonderful, that'd sound conceited. So I'll be modest and just say it's great. Would you like to hear it? I have a copy right here.

[Gloria]

I certainly would.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, it's called the Girls of the Nation Seek Glorification or they Clamor for Glamour.

[Gloria]

That's a pretty cute title.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Thank you. And the essay starts like this. When we think of glamour, we almost immediately think of sweater girls. And by the way, there are two types of sweaters. Sweaters that look good and sweaters that look like sweaters. I thought I'd make a little joke there.

[Gloria]

Well, that's little enough.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Glamour is a magic combination of various elements. On a beautiful woman, it is exotic perfume, lipstick and personality that makes her tempting. While on a salad it's roped for cheese and Thousand island dressing.

[Gloria]

Oh, I'm sure the women will love that comparison.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Thank you. I thought it was rather clever myself. You see, I. Go on now, and I expect, Lane, that whether you're being intrigued by a woman or a salad, the proper dressing plays a very important part. Another little joke?

[Gloria]

Yes.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Now, as a matter of fact, however, salad can be very glamorous too, you know.

[Gloria]

Well, maybe you're right, but I never heard of a wife suing her husband because he was chasing around with a salad.

[Ozzie Nelson]

And I've got a great ending for the article.

[Gloria]

Good.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, I wind it up by saying there are so many glamorous women in America that our nation will soon be known as the Fassa Nation. Another little joke. Don't you think my composition sounds good?

[Gloria]

Oh, it's. Well, dear?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, aren't you impressed with my writing ability?

[Gloria]

Oh. Oh, yes, dear, but.

[Ozzie Nelson]

But what?

[Gloria]

Well, I wouldn't give up the band for a few days yet.

[Ozzie Nelson]

No, I can't understand why I haven't heard from Super Movie magazine yet.

[Gloria]

Well, darling, for one thing, it takes several days for mail to come from New York all the way out here to California.

[Ozzie Nelson]

I know, but today's the day they're supposed to notify the winners. And I have a strange feeling, Harriet, that I'm going to win that first prize.

[Gloria]

I hope so. Adding $1,000 to what we already have in the bank would be pretty nice.

[Ozzie Nelson]

I'll say.

[Gloria]

Just imagine. $1,048.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Of course, they didn't announce what the first prize would be, but I'm sure it'll be something like that.

[Waiter]

This letter just arrived from New York, Mr. Nelson.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Certainly. The contest.

[Gloria]

Sure.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Let me have it, Gloria. Harriet, listen to this. Mr. Ozzie Nelson, 1847 Rogers Road, Hollywood, California. Dear sir, we take great pleasure in advising you that the judges of our Glamour story contest have selected your contribution as the winning manuscript. You see, Harriet. And you thought I couldn't write.

[Gloria]

Oh, it wasn't that, Ozzy. I always figured there was some sort of a catch to that contest.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, gosh. What'll we do with all the money?

[Gloria]

Oh, gee, how much did you win?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Let me see. We are hereby notifying you. You have won the first prize. A free trip to Hollywood.

[Gloria]

Just what we needed. Sadio service.