Ozzie And Harriet 45-08-12 037 Antique Vase

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Ozzie and Harriet – "Antique Vase" (Aug 12, 1945)

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Ozzie And Harriet 45-08-12 037 Antique Vase
Date: September 11, 2025 (re-release)

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Episode Overview

This episode of Ozzie and Harriet revolves around a classic domestic comedy setup: Harriet's purchase of a large and questionable antique vase, and the ensuing chaos as Ozzie attempts to gracefully (and not-so-gracefully) remove it from their lives. The comedic friction between Ozzie and Harriet, support characters like Emmy Lou, and a local antique dealer offers listeners a slice of postwar domestic life—and a mirror for generations of sitcom tropes to come.

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Key Discussion Points & Plot Breakdowns

1. Breakfast Banter and Introduction of the Vase

• Setting: The Nelson family breakfast table.
• Key Players: Harriet, Ozzie, David (8.5 years old), Ricky (5 years old).
• Notable Dynamic: Playful teasing about oatmeal and healthy eating.
• Introduction of the Vase:
  • Harriet surprises the family with her auction purchase: a four-foot antique vase (01:44).
  • The family is bemused, if not entirely enthusiastic.

Memorable Quotes:

• Harriet (when Ozzie fails to notice the vase):
  “Ozzie Nelson, sometimes I can't help thinking you're just like a man.” (03:49)

2. Ozzie's Reaction and the Plan to Hide the Vase

• Ozzie's Dislike: Ozzie openly dislikes the vase, humorously calling it a mistake in crockery design. (05:18)
• Harriet's Vision: Harriet wants to redecorate the entire living room around the vase, including replacing Ozzie's favorite chair (06:02).
• Family Debate: Gloria, the housekeeper, is brought in to referee ("Oh, it's beautiful!" – 07:32).
• Ozzie’s Escape Plan: Ozzie suggests storing the vase in the garage in hopes Harriet will forget about it (08:26).

3. Emmy Lou’s Intervention and Ozzie's Scheme

• Outside Encounter: Ozzie meets Emmy Lou while moving the vase (08:57).
• Advice from Emmy Lou: She cheekily suggests Ozzie "accidentally" break it, or fabricate elaborate stories about marital custody battles (09:59 - 10:44).
• Ozzie's Final Plan: Inspired by Emmy Lou, Ozzie decides to try selling the vase (11:08).

Memorable Quotes:

• Emmy Lou (on Ozzie's options):
  "I'd let her keep the vase. There's no use being stubborn. I think you're foolish to break up your marriage for a vase you couldn't get more than a few dollars for." (10:44)

4. The Antique Shop Negotiation

• Shopkeeper: Mr. McQueen, more interested in crocheting a tea cozy than antiques (15:53).
• Comedic Bargaining: Ozzie and Mr. McQueen haggle dramatically—offers start at $0.50 and $50, with faux seriousness about the vase’s age and charm (16:23).
• Backstory Diversion: Mr. McQueen shares a convoluted tale about the previous shop owner and his family, satirizing the tendency of shopkeepers to prattle on (17:25–18:08).
• Deal Struck: Ozzie sells the vase for $5 (18:21).

Memorable Quotes:

• Mr. McQueen: "The older the better, except in a sweater." (16:08)
• Ozzie, after the negotiation: “Okay, I’ll cut my price in half. $25.” (17:04)

5. Domestic Psychology and the “Second” Vase

• Ozzie’s Homecoming: Ozzie boasts to young David about understanding the psychology of women—how to make them forget things (18:41).
• Harriet Returns: She surprises Ozzie—she’s just bought another vase, a perfect match for the previous one (19:41).
• Problem: Harriet asks Ozzie to fetch the first vase from the garage (20:24). Ozzie rushes off to recover the sold vase.

6. The Race to Recover the Vase

• At the Antique Shop: Ozzie pleads desperately for the vase’s return, inventing a story that his wife is a lady wrestler who will break his bones (21:16–21:59).
• Mr. McQueen Relays the Story: At the buyer’s home, Mr. McQueen repeats this tall tale (22:34), persuading the new owner (actually Harriet!) to resell the vase.
• Vase Price Escalates: Ozzie pays $25 to get the vase back (23:27).

Memorable Quotes:

• Ozzie (in desperation): “My wife is a lady wrestler... if I don’t buy the vase back, she’ll break every bone in my body.” (21:53)

7. The Mutual Confession and Resolution

• Back Home: Ozzie reappears with the vase, only to find that Harriet has "broken" it (24:34). She finally confesses she sold it back to the antique shop (25:06).
• Mutual Honesty: The couple openly admits their own attempts to get rid of the vase without the other knowing, reinforcing the importance of trust in marriage (25:17–25:59).

Memorable Quotes:

• Ozzie (on marriage):
  "Because the successful marriage is based on mutual confidence and trust. When the ship of matrimony sails forth on the sea of life, we must avoid the hidden shoals of deceit." (25:22)

8. Final Gags and Wrap-Up

• What to do with the vase?: The couple jokes about potential uses: umbrella stand, ash trays, or wall decoration (27:59).
• Closing Banter: The show closes with Ozzie’s comic take on his overreaction to the vase and Harriet’s practicality (27:48).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|--------------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:49 | Harriet | "Ozzie Nelson, sometimes I can't help thinking you're just like a man." | | 05:18 | Ozzie | "The guy who designed that made a mockery out of crockery." | | 10:44 | Emmy Lou | "I think you're foolish to break up your marriage for a vase..." | | 16:08 | Mr. McQueen | "The older the better, except in a sweater." | | 21:53 | Ozzie | "My wife is a lady wrestler..." | | 25:22 | Ozzie | "Because the successful marriage is based on mutual confidence and trust..." | | 27:59 | Ozzie | "Say, couldn't we use this as a wall decoration?" |

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Timestamps for Significant Segments

• Introduction & Breakfast Table: 00:00–06:35
• Harriet's Plan to Redecorate: 05:49–06:32
• Ozzie and Emmy Lou’s Plotting: 08:57–11:24
• Antique Shop Negotiations: 15:42–18:21
• Psychology of Women Discussion: 18:41–19:36
• Harriet Buys Second Vase: 19:36–20:42
• Race to Recover the Vase: 21:16–24:03
• Mutual Confession & Resolution: 24:34–26:14
• Wrap-Up and Gags on Vase Use: 27:48–28:20

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Tone and Style

In classic 1940s sitcom style, the episode blends witty banter, affectionate ribbing, and situational farce. The interplay between Ozzie and Harriet sets the tone—light, loving, and ever-so-slightly exasperated. Supporting roles add zany advice (Emmy Lou) and satirical commentary (Mr. McQueen).

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Listener Takeaways

• Marriage is a partnership, often filled with small deceptions, comic misunderstandings, and, ideally, honest reconciliation.
• The episode lampoons the consumer excitement and high hopes for domestic improvement that marked postwar America.
• Dialogue is sharp, with memorable lines about gender roles, taste, and the timeless squabble over home décor.

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Recommended for: Fans of classic radio comedy, contemporary sitcom lovers, and anyone who appreciates smart banter and marital mischief.

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Transcript

[Narrator]

America's finest silver plate is 1847 Rogers Brothers. From Hollywood International Silver Company, creators of 1847 Rogers Brothers Silver Plate presents the Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet. Starring young America's favorite couple, Ozzie Nelson and Harriet Hill. It's breakfast time. As we look in at the Nelson household at 1847 Rogers Road. Harriet and little five year old Ricky are already at the breakfast table. Ozzie and eight year old David. Pardon me?

[Harriet Nelson]

Eight and a half.

[Narrator]

Oh, oh, of course. I'm sorry, David. Ozzie and eight and a half year old David are expected momentarily.

[Harriet Nelson]

David. Here I am, Mom. Breakfast is ready. Isn't it a wonderful day today, David? Sure is, Mom. Move over, Ricky. You can go out and play just as soon as you finish. Swell. And you can have a nickel for an ice cream cone. Oatmeal again, huh, Mom? And what's wrong with oatmeal? It's nutritious, tasty, healthful and bodybuilding wonderful for a growing boy. Well, then Ricky can have mine. He's got further to grow. Ricky's practically finished with his breakfast. Enough of that nonsense now. I got the oatmeal. I'm so healthy now I can't sleep nights. Oh, say, I almost forgot. I bought something yesterday I want to surprise your father with. What is it, Mom? A vase. A what? An antique vase. I bought it at an auction sale.

[Emmy Lou]

Here.

[Harriet Nelson]

Here it is. Jiminy. No, not that. David, what's the matter? What is that? A vase. Just a vase, that's all. Oh, I thought it was full of oatmeal. And gee, I bet that thing could hold a million pounds of oatmeal. Oh, David, don't exaggerate. The vase is only four feet tall. Oh, here comes your father. I'll put it right in the middle of the table. Surprise.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Ah, good morning. Good morning. Wonderful morning. I've got an appetite like a horse.

[Harriet Nelson]

You've come to the right place. We got oats. Shame on you.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Ah, and what has my beautiful little wife got for breakfast this glorious morning? Let's see. Oatmeal. See, Ozzy, A beautiful, nutritious, tasty, bodybuilding oatmeal.

[David Nelson]

You really like oatmeal, Pop?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, do I? Yum, yum, yum.

[Harriet Nelson]

There you are, Mom. You won't have to throw it away after all. Oh, David, stop acting silly. Here's your orange juice, Ozzy.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, thank you, dear. Ah, gee, that orange juice was good.

[Harriet Nelson]

Well, why shouldn't the orange juice be good? Here we are in California, where the oranges grow.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Yeah, that's right. Isn't California a wonderful state? Where else can you put your hand out the window into your own backyard and. And pull it back with two or three ripe gophers? What's wrong, David? You usually laugh at those funny things I say.

[Harriet Nelson]

Well, dad, you already gave me my allowance this week. Come on, you two. Breakfast is getting cold. Hey, Mom, Pop hasn't even noticed the new base. Never mind.

[Ozzie Nelson]

David, what was that?

[Harriet Nelson]

Nothing. Only I'm afraid you aren't very observant this morning.

[Ozzie Nelson]

What do you mean?

[Harriet Nelson]

Well, haven't you noticed anything different?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Noticed anything?

[Harriet Nelson]

Ozzie Nelson, sometimes I can't help thinking you're just like a man.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, as long as there's some resemblance.

[Harriet Nelson]

You mean to say you don't notice anything different?

[Narrator]

Different?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, of course.

[Harriet Nelson]

Your hair.

[Ozzie Nelson]

And I love it that way, too. You. You should wear it that way more often. Would you pass?

[Harriet Nelson]

I haven't done my hair yet this morning.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Sorry. Oh, of course. That dress. Oh, it's lovely, dear. Beautiful. When did you get it?

[Harriet Nelson]

April, 1941. Before I go, I'll give you a hint, Pop. It's on the T, A, B, L.

[Ozzie Nelson]

E. On the table?

[Harriet Nelson]

Yes. Do you like it?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Something on this table?

[Harriet Nelson]

Yes. It's beautiful, isn't it?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Gee, I'm sorry, dear. I can't see a thing. Unless it's behind this. What is this?

[Harriet Nelson]

Well, it happens to be an antique vase, and it's just what I've been talking about.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh. Oh, my. Harriet, where. Where did you get this? This vase?

[Harriet Nelson]

Yes.

[Ozzie Nelson]

You found it in the tomb of an Egyptian pharaoh.

[Harriet Nelson]

No.

[Ozzie Nelson]

You want it in a box of Cracker Jack. Am I getting warm?

[Harriet Nelson]

A little.

[Ozzie Nelson]

I give up.

[Harriet Nelson]

I bought it.

[Ozzie Nelson]

That I never would have guessed.

[Harriet Nelson]

Honey, it only cost me $10. Isn't it beautiful, Ozzie?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Now, Harriet, let's be sensible about this, shall we?

[Harriet Nelson]

You don't like it, do you?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, frankly, dear Ozzie Nelson, it happens.

[Harriet Nelson]

To be a beautiful vase.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Beautiful? Harriet, let's face it. The guy who designed that made a mockery out of crockery.

[Harriet Nelson]

Well, it so happens that that vase belongs to the early American period around George Washington'. It could have a very romantic history. George always brought fresh flowers to Martha. He might have used his vase for that.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, he might have used the vase for that, but I heard he chewed a lot of tobacco, too.

[Harriet Nelson]

That's very funny, but you may as well get used to it because I've decided to redecorate this entire room using the vase as a central figure.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Why, Harriet, let's be Sensible. Why do over an entire room for that old vase?

[Harriet Nelson]

It'll improve things. For example, I'd like to get rid of that easy chair over there by the fireplace.

[Ozzie Nelson]

But, Harriet, that's my favorite chair.

[Harriet Nelson]

Aw, Ozzy, it's so shabby.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, I know, but. Gosh, it's taken me years to get that chair just the way I want it. Why, that chair has the same shape now that I have.

[Harriet Nelson]

You're not kidding. You and the chair dragging in the same place.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, I happen to like things just the way they are.

[Harriet Nelson]

Oh, Ozzy, you're all finished breakfast, aren't you?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Yes, I am.

[Harriet Nelson]

Oh, Gloria. Gloria. Did you call me, Mrs. Nelson? Yes, I did, Gloria. We're all finished breakfast in case you want to clear away the dishes.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Gloria, what's your opinion on this? Don't you think it's a little silly going into an extensive redecorating project at this time?

[Harriet Nelson]

Well, personally, I think very definitely that it. Would you mind repeating the question, please? Well, let me put it my way, Gloria. Don't you think that things should be changed every so often? Oh, yes, and dipped in locks, too.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Now, now, Gloria. Mrs. Nelson was referring to furniture and room decorations.

[Harriet Nelson]

There seems to be a difference of opinion as to this antique vase I bought downtown. Have you seen it, Gloria? Oh, it's beautiful. Oh, thank you, Gloria. I just got it yesterday. You know, you can pick up some really nice things downtown these days. Well, I try, but I guess my whistle doesn't carry. You see, Ozzy, Gloria thinks it's a pretty vase. Oh, yes, I think it's a beautiful sight.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, I give up. To me, it looks like a huge bottle of beer.

[Harriet Nelson]

Well, to me, that's a beautiful sight. I better get at these dishes. I'll see you later.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Honestly, though, dear, don't you think it'd be better to wait till it gets a little cooler before we do over the room?

[Harriet Nelson]

Oh, certainly. We don't have to do it right away. In fact, I'd like to shop around a little first and get some more ideas.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, in the meantime, why don't I take this out to the storeroom in the garage and give you a chance to forget to think about it a little more?

[Harriet Nelson]

Well, okay, but be sure and go out the front way with it. The grass is wet in back. You might slip and break the vase.

[Ozzie Nelson]

That's funny. I was thinking the same thing myself. Rearranging furniture, antique vases, women.

[Harriet Nelson]

Hello, Mr. Nelson.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, hello there, Emmy Lou.

[Emmy Lou]

What have you got there?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, this is an antique vase. That Mrs. Nelson bought. I'm taking it out to the garage to store it.

[Harriet Nelson]

Do you mind if I look at it?

[Ozzie Nelson]

No, go ahead. Although you look so young to suffer.

[Emmy Lou]

Just what kind of a vase is it, Mr. Nelson?

[Ozzie Nelson]

I don't know, Emmy Lou. I think it's a Grecian urn.

[Emmy Lou]

What's a Grecian urn?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Hm?

[Emmy Lou]

What's a Grecian urn?

[Ozzie Nelson]

It depends on where he works. You get it? What's the Grecian urn?

[Emmy Lou]

Yes, I get it. It's pretty hot today, isn't it? Mr. Nelson, can you carry that vase down the steps with the dropping it?

[Ozzie Nelson]

I'm afraid so. The fine time for David's roller skates not to be here.

[Emmy Lou]

Oh, I saw David swap his roller skates to Bobby for a hammer.

[Ozzie Nelson]

I could use a hammer now too.

[Emmy Lou]

What are you gonna do with the vase?

[Ozzie Nelson]

I don't know. Let's just set it in the middle of the lawn and throw rocks at it, shall we?

[Emmy Lou]

Why are you so bitter about it, Mr. Nelson?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, it's this way. It isn't enough that Harriet bought this idiotic vase. Now she's gonna do over the entire room to fit it.

[Emmy Lou]

Oh, well, why don't you drop it? You know, sort of accidental like. And then tell Mrs. Nelson that you couldn't help it. Tell her you tripped and fell down, that it was an accident.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Would you believe a story like that?

[Emmy Lou]

Of course.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Gosh, how women change when they get married. No, Emmy Lou, I'm afraid my wife knows me to wouldn't go for that.

[Emmy Lou]

Well, then I've got another idea, Mr. Nelson.

[Ozzie Nelson]

What's that?

[Emmy Lou]

I'd insist that she return the vase. And if she got mad, I'd let her go home to her mother. And I'd refuse to let her take the children. And she'd sue you for custody of the children. And if it looked like she was gonna win, you know what I'd do?

[Ozzie Nelson]

What?

[Emmy Lou]

I'd let her keep the vase. There's no use being stubborn. I think you're foolish to break up your marriage for a vase you couldn't get more than a few dollars for.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, that's right, a few dollars for it. Well, say I could sell it. Oh, but what if. Harry. No, she wouldn't. And if she did, I'd tell her that somebody. Emmy, thanks very much for the suggestion. Give me that vase, will you? That's a wonderful idea.

[Emmy Lou]

You mean you're gonna salivate?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Absolutely. Emmy Lou, there comes a time in every man's life when he has to be daring and take a terrible risk.

[Emmy Lou]

I hate to bring this up, Mr. Nelson, but have you got something in mind in case Mrs. Nelson finds out about this?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, of course I've got something in mind.

[Harriet Nelson]

What is it?

[Ozzie Nelson]

A one way ticket on the Atchison, Topeka and Santa Fe.

[Narrator]

Well, say, while you're on that one way trip, Ozzie, you might spend a little time thinking about 1847 Rogers Brothers Silver plate. Who knows, someday it might be the means of getting you back home to wife and family again. Seriously though, this lovely silver plate is worth thinking about, folks. And worth planning for, too. It has beauty, richness, quality, a name that's almost a hundred years old, a reputation as America's finest silver plate. Its patterns show details unknown to silver plate before. The high raised ornamentation, the pierced knife handles, the heavier balance. These are the features which show that men of imagination as well as skill are creators of this lovely silver plate. They are the features that keep 1847 Rogers Brothers, America's finest silver plate. And here are the lovely King sisters riding out on Atchison, Topeka and Santa Fe.

[David Nelson]

Do you hear that whistle down the line? A figure that is in your number 49. She's the only one that'll sound that way. On the Atchison, Topeka and the Santa Fe. See the old smoke rising round the bend. I reckon that you know she's gonna meet a friend Walked around these parks at the time of day. From the Atchison, Topeka and the Santa Fe. Here she comes.

[Harriet Nelson]

Woo woo woo woo.

[David Nelson]

Hey, Jim, you better get the. She's got a list of passengers that's pretty big and they all want to live to the Brown Hotel. Cause plenty of them been traveling for quite a spell. All the way from Philadelphia on the Atchison, Topeka and the Santa Fe. All aboard, all aboard. Trains going west. Trains going west. Tickets, tickets. Can't go nowhere without tickets. Do you hear that whistle down the line? Do hooey de hooey. It sounds fun. She's the only one that's gonna sound that awake. On the actions and a big m. Santa Fe, here she coming. She's coming. Hey, Jim, you better get the ring. She's got a list of passengers that's pretty big. They all want to live to the hotel. They want to rest, fly the sail. Come all the way from Philadelphia, eight On the Atchison, Topeka and the Santa Fe.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Do do do do do do do do.

[David Nelson]

You can get to Albuquerque without a jerk on the top.

[Narrator]

And now back to the Nelsons for a change. Ozzie, has put himself out on a limb. Instead of taking the antique base, which is Harriet's pride and joy, out to the garage, he's decided to save himself a little physical labor in the future by following that old slogan, out of sight, out of mind. And we find him now going into Mr. McQueen's antique shop to sell the vase.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Gosh, loaded with junk. Doesn't seem to be anybody around here either.

[Mr. McQueen]

Just be patient, sir. Just be pat. I'm busy.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you. What are you doing?

[Mr. McQueen]

I'm crocheting a tea cozy. You interrupted me just as I was going around the spout. Darn it. There. Now, what can I do for you?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, I've come to see you about an antique.

[Mr. McQueen]

Oh, you've come to the right place.

[Ozzie Nelson]

There.

[Mr. McQueen]

We're a member of the National Antique Dealers. Of course, you're familiar with the slogan of the National Antique Dealers. The older the better, except in a sweater. Let's see what you've got there.

[Ozzie Nelson]

I have here a very fine old antique vase dating back to about 1922. 1922?

[Mr. McQueen]

Well, it's really older than that, but I don't want to seem too eager.

[Ozzie Nelson]

You'll have to admit it's beautiful, though.

[Mr. McQueen]

Well, I wouldn't say it was beautiful, but it has a certain horrid fascination that women go for. You want to sell it to me?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Yes, I do. Would you be interested in buying it?

[Mr. McQueen]

What do you want for it?

[Ozzie Nelson]

What did you give me for it? I asked you first. Okay, make me an offer.

[Mr. McQueen]

$0.50. What's your price?

[Ozzie Nelson]

$50. Shall we compromise?

[Mr. McQueen]

All right. I'll double my offer. $1.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Okay, I'll cut my price in half. $25.

[Mr. McQueen]

I should have started by offering you a dime for it.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Just look it over and see how lovely it is.

[Mr. McQueen]

Hmm. Very shabby condition.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Yes. Did you ever see anything so gorgeously broken down? Just look at those beautiful chips and cracks in it. Tell you the truth, this is one of the most antique antiques I've ever seen.

[Mr. McQueen]

Oh, dear. I do wish Mr. Cameron were here.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Who's he?

[Mr. McQueen]

He's the fellow who owned the store 19 years ago. He was an expert on vases.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, can't you get in touch with him?

[Mr. McQueen]

Oh, no. He died 12 years ago. Well, if never had a sick day in his life. Very tragic. Left a wife and three children.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, I wanted any insurance.

[Mr. McQueen]

Not a cent.

[Ozzie Nelson]

What happened to his family?

[Mr. McQueen]

Well, his widow later married a well to do businessman who owned his own buttonhole factory in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Then they're getting along all right now.

[Mr. McQueen]

Well, the youngest son had measles when he was six. And their house was attacked by termites in 1934. But everything was just dandy the last I heard.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, the next time you write, will you remember me to them?

[Mr. McQueen]

I certainly will.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, thank you. It's been a pleasure to meet you, Mr. McQueen.

[Mr. McQueen]

The pleasure's been all mine, Mr. Nelson.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, goodbye, Mr. McQueen.

[Mr. McQueen]

Goodbye, Mr. Nelson.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Say, by the way, what about the vase?

[Mr. McQueen]

I give you $5 for it.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Sol.

[Harriet Nelson]

Oh, hello, Pop. How long have you been home?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, about an hour.

[Harriet Nelson]

Sure look proud of yourself this afternoon, Pop.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, David, I just did something pretty smart, even for your old man. Yes, sir. One thing every man should learn is the psychology of women.

[Harriet Nelson]

What's that, Dan?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, suppose you're married to some woman and one day she comes up to you and says, david, I want to buy a fur coat. Now, what would you say?

[Harriet Nelson]

Well, I'd say, okay, if I can get a baseball bat.

[Ozzie Nelson]

No, David, that's where the psychology comes in. You try to make the woman forget what it is she wanted. You know what I mean?

[Harriet Nelson]

Oh, like the time Mother wanted that string of pearls.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Exactly.

[Harriet Nelson]

And every time she mentioned them, you kept talking about everything else.

[Ozzie Nelson]

That's right.

[Harriet Nelson]

They look pretty on her, don't they.

[Ozzie Nelson]

David? I don't win all the time.

[Harriet Nelson]

No, but she does. By the way, where is Mom?

[Ozzie Nelson]

I don't know. I've been waiting for her myself. She must still be out shopping. I guess.

[Harriet Nelson]

Well, I'll see you later, Pop. Oh, Ozzy.

[Ozzie Nelson]

In here, Harriet.

[Harriet Nelson]

Ozzy, I have the most wonderful surprise for you. Guess what I bought.

[Ozzie Nelson]

What?

[Harriet Nelson]

A vase.

[Ozzie Nelson]

I know. You showed it to me this morning. Don't you remember?

[Harriet Nelson]

Oh, no. This is another vase. I have it out in the car.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Another vase.

[Harriet Nelson]

Yes, another vase.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Harriet, darling, please, not another vase.

[Harriet Nelson]

Yes, Ozzy, another vase.

[Ozzie Nelson]

That's a funny joke, pretending you bought another vase. See, I'm laughing now. Tell me. Not another vase.

[Harriet Nelson]

Well, yes, darling, another vase.

[Ozzie Nelson]

But we've already got a vase.

[Harriet Nelson]

Well, that's what makes it so perfect. This vase is a mate to the one I bought this morning.

[Ozzie Nelson]

A mate? Harriet, these things aren't going to turn out to be like rabbits, are they?

[Harriet Nelson]

Oh, silly Ozzy, I'm anxious to compare the two vases. Would you go out in the garage and get the other one?

[Ozzie Nelson]

But, Harriet, why should I go to all the trouble of going to the garage and bringing that one back? I could take this one out to the garage and then just Snap a picture or something.

[Harriet Nelson]

Ozzy, stop joking. Get the vase from the garage.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Why are you so suspicious?

[Harriet Nelson]

What are you talking about? My goodness. If you don't want to get it, I'll.

[Ozzie Nelson]

No, no, no, no. Don't, don't.

[Harriet Nelson]

I'll.

[Ozzie Nelson]

I'll get it. You just wait right here.

[Mr. McQueen]

I'm sorry, Mr. Nelson, but really, I sold that vase 10 minutes after you left the store.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, but I've got to have that vase back. My wife insists upon it.

[Mr. McQueen]

We have so many other beautiful things here in the store. Oh, would you be interested in a genuine antique music box that plays Goodbye, Little Yellow Bird, Goodbye?

[Ozzie Nelson]

No, no, please.

[Mr. McQueen]

I haven't finished. Little Yellow Bird. 3,000, 750.

[Ozzie Nelson]

No, no, no. I tell you, I've got to have that vase. I've got to. I tell you. I've just. Have you ever been married?

[Mr. McQueen]

Is this a proposal?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Listen, I wasn't going to tell you this, but I guess I'll have to. My wife is a lady wrestler.

[Mr. McQueen]

Really?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Exactly. And she said if I don't buy the vase back, she'll break every bone in my body.

[Mr. McQueen]

Oh, well, why didn't you say so? She sounds positively vicious. Now, let's see. The woman who bought the vase didn't leave her name, but I've got her address. Yes, here it is. Now, you wait right here. I'll go over and see if I can buy it back for her.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, thanks, old man. You'll never know what this means to me. My bones knit so slowly.

[Harriet Nelson]

But, Mr. McQueen, I want the vase myself. And besides, my husband would be very angry if I sold it.

[Mr. McQueen]

Well, madam, I wouldn't ask this, but if you only knew how desperately this man needs the vase, how frightened he is.

[Harriet Nelson]

You mean, of his wife?

[Mr. McQueen]

His wife?

[Harriet Nelson]

Oh, is she really a lady wrestler.

[Mr. McQueen]

Wrestling the wind up at the Legion Stadium Monday night?

[Emmy Lou]

Oh, and would she really?

[Mr. McQueen]

You should see the sky scars he has on him already.

[Harriet Nelson]

Oh, my.

[Mr. McQueen]

And he's such a nice fellow, too.

[Harriet Nelson]

Tell me, why does such a nice fellow marry such a terrible woman?

[Mr. McQueen]

Well, if you ask me, madam, he is a nice fella, but he doesn't look very bright.

[Harriet Nelson]

Oh, the poor man. Okay, I'll sell you the vase for $20.

[Mr. McQueen]

And so the vase will cost you $25, Mr. Nelson. But I finally convinced her to sell it back.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, fine. She sounds like such a nice girl.

[Mr. McQueen]

Oh, she is. She sold it to me even though she was afraid of what her husband would do when he found out.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Why does such a nice girl marry a brute like that?

[Mr. McQueen]

Well, between you and me, Mr. Nelson, she's a nice girl, but she hasn't got very good taste.

[Harriet Nelson]

Hmm.

[Mr. McQueen]

Otherwise, she never would have bought a terrible vase like this.

[Ozzie Nelson]

I didn't think of that. A woman who likes a vase like, imagine the kind of husband she'd pick out. Well, say, that reminds me. I gotta get back to Harriet with this vase.

[Narrator]

Well, so long.

[Emmy Lou]

I gotta dash.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Darn that stoplight. Oh.

[David Nelson]

Hey.

[Harriet Nelson]

Oh, hello, dear. Where in the world have you been?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, I tell you, I went to the garage the long way. And what a job it was hidden behind the. Anyway, I finally got it.

[Harriet Nelson]

Got what?

[Ozzie Nelson]

With a vase. Look.

[David Nelson]

Oh.

[Harriet Nelson]

Oh, you shouldn't have bothered.

[Ozzie Nelson]

But you said you shouldn't have bothered.

[Harriet Nelson]

Well, while you were gone, I decided not to redecorate the room after all. You see, I. I don't know quite how to tell you this, dear, but I accidentally broke the vase.

[Ozzie Nelson]

You broke it?

[Harriet Nelson]

Yes, I. I tripped over one of David's roller skates and dropped it.

[Ozzie Nelson]

But David swapped his roller shoes.

[Harriet Nelson]

What'd you say, dear?

[Ozzie Nelson]

I just wanted to remind you that it's only six months and ten days until George Washington's birthday.

[Harriet Nelson]

Oh, Ozzy, I've got something to tell you.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Yes?

[Harriet Nelson]

I didn't tell you the truth about that vase.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Aha.

[Harriet Nelson]

I didn't break it. I sold it back to the same place I bought it. McQueen's antique shop.

[Ozzie Nelson]

McQueen's there.

[Harriet Nelson]

I knew I couldn't sleep tonight with that on my mind.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Harriet, I forgive you. And I'm very glad you told me the truth. Because the successful marriage is based on mutual confidence and trust. When the ship of matrimony sails forth on the sea of life, we must avoid the hidden shoals of deceit.

[Harriet Nelson]

Beautiful.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Thank you. Now, I want to confess something to you also.

[Harriet Nelson]

What? Dare?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, this afternoon, for a moment, I was tempted. Just tempted, mind you, to sell that vase and not tell you.

[Harriet Nelson]

Well, don't you give it another thought, because I forgive you.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Oh, thank you, sweetheart.

[Harriet Nelson]

That's all right, dear. Ozzie.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Yes, Harriet? Anything bothering you?

[Harriet Nelson]

Well, just one thing, darling.

[Ozzie Nelson]

What is it, honey?

[Harriet Nelson]

Why did you tell a man I was a lady wrestler?

[Ozzie Nelson]

Will it.

[Narrator]

Ozzy and Harriet Hilliard will be back in just a moment. Meantime, if sometime in the not too distant future you hear a sound like.

[Mr. McQueen]

This.

[Narrator]

Don'T get excited. It's just some of those 8 million brides we have meeting at the same place with the same idea in mind.

[Harriet Nelson]

Namely, I'd like to see a service.

[Emmy Lou]

Of 1847 Rogers Brothers Silver plate.

[Harriet Nelson]

Me too. I've waited a long, long time for this day.

[Narrator]

What a day it will be. What a wonderful day when you can really go to your silverware dealers and get the fine silver plate you've been dreaming about and planning for ever since the war began. Because 1847 is America's finest silver plate. It's lovely and warm, in many instances, even unique. No other silver plate pattern, for example, can match the fine openwork knife handles and delicate contours of Eternally Yours. In fact, these distinctive features of design and construction have been seldom achieved, even in the finest solid silver. That's the kind of silver plate you'll want to see in your home after the war. So wait for it. If you're one of those war brides, make your first post war purchase. Eternally yours. Created by 1847 Rogers Brothers.

[Ozzie Nelson]

You know, I guess I was pretty silly for making such a fuss about this vase in the first place. It's really not bad looking. Now let me have it, will you, Harriet?

[Harriet Nelson]

Well, here it is, but be careful, dear. It's big, but it's rather delicate.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Say, couldn't we use this as a wall decoration?

[Harriet Nelson]

Oh, no, dear, I don't think so.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Well, we could use it to keep flowers in, couldn't we?

[Harriet Nelson]

I think it's a little big for that.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Say, I have an idea. We could use it as an umbrella stand. That is, in case we ever move to Florida.

[Harriet Nelson]

Well, well, perhaps.

[Ozzie Nelson]

Or I tell you, makes a nice bunch of little ash trays too, Doesn.

[Narrator]

International Silver Company, creators of 1847 Rogers Brothers silver Plate invite you to listen to the Adventures of Ozzy and Harriet next Sunday over your CBS station. And don't forget, America's finest silver plate is 1847 Rogers Brothers. This program originates in the Hollywood studios of the Columbia Broadcasting System and is also broadcast over the Trans Canada network of Canadian Broadcast Corporation. This adventure of Ozzy and Harriet will be transmitted to our men and women overseas by short wave and through the worldwide facilities of the Armed Forces Radio Service. Appearing in support of Ozzy and Harriet were the four King sisters, B. Benedarat, Louise Erickson, John Brown and Joel Davis. Original music was by Billy May. Vern Smith speaking. This is cbs, the Columbia broadcast.

[Ozzie Nelson]

SA.