Ozzie and Harriet 48-12-19 (176) The New Radio-Phonograph

Summary

Podcast Summary: Ozzie and Harriet 48-12-19 – "The New Radio-Phonograph"

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Ozzie and Harriet 48-12-19 (176) The New Radio-Phonograph
Date Released: August 26, 2025
Main Theme:
A heartwarming and comedic episode centered around Ozzie and Harriet’s decision to gift themselves a new radio-phonograph for Christmas, exploring the nuances, temptations, and traditions of holiday gift-giving as a couple, with a backdrop of family antics and gentle satire of “sensible” gift giving.

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Episode Overview

The episode opens on a festive note, with the Nelson family enjoying their new radio-phonograph. Ozzie is particularly proud of this practical gift, but as the story unfolds, both he and Harriet grapple with the tension between giving each other something sensible versus indulging in the small extravagances and surprises that make Christmas special. Along the way, the show affectionately lampoons holiday rituals, family expectations, and the challenges of sticking to practical resolutions.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. The Family’s New Radio-Phonograph (01:25–04:24)

• The family gathers around their new radio-phonograph, listening to classical music. Ozzie laments the boys’ lack of enthusiasm, while Harriet reassures him.
• A classic family dynamic emerges as Ozzie tries to instill appreciation for "fine music."
• Ozzie and Harriet decide their mutual gift is the only present they’ll get each other this year:
  • Ozzie (03:46): “Let’s take an oath. We’ll make a binding agreement… I won’t get you anything and you won’t get me anything. This radio phonograph is our gift to each other. Agreed?”
  • Harriet (04:04): “Agreed.”
  • They joke about formalizing the pact with “a bottle of blood.”

2. Thorny’s Visit and Gift Philosophy (04:25–06:55)

• Thorny, the Nelsons’ neighbor, arrives, humorously oblivious to the new phonograph at first.
• A comedic contrast emerges between Thorny’s new leather golf bag and the Nelsons’ shared gift.
• Ozzie and Harriet discuss the virtues of practicality over frivolity, reinforced by Thorny’s reactions.
  • Thorny (05:07): “What do you want with two of them?”
  • Ozzie (06:54, about shopping): “I want to go home and hunt around for some more silly junk that has my name on it.”

3. Harriet Talks to Her Mother About “Sensible” Gifts (07:07–09:23)

• Harriet’s mother questions the logic of a no-surprises Christmas:
  • Mother (08:02): “There are two times when you’re not supposed to be sensible. Finding a husband and Christmas.”
• Harriet stands by their pact but is gently teased for missing the joy of opening presents.

4. Doubts and Second Thoughts (09:31–11:54)

• Ozzie frets about a scratch on the new phonograph and worries the gift might not be “equal.”
• Both Ozzie and Harriet secretly wish for something a little more personal—Harriet a nightgown, Ozzie a fly rod.
• Thorny’s envy over the phonograph sparks Ozzie's insecurity over practical gifts versus wishful ones.

5. Emmy Lou’s Visit and Idealized Expectations (14:08–15:06)

• Neighbor Emmy Lou pops in to admire the phonograph and sing Ozzie’s praises for his supposed generosity.
  • Emmy Lou (14:49): “You can be summed up in one word, Mr. Nelson, and that word is... One. Maybe you do, Mr. Nelson.”
• Ozzie and Harriet are left feeling the pressure of fulfilling holiday expectations and generosity.

6. Shopping Temptations and the Art of Hinting (16:00–18:43)

• The couple shops together, each subtly eyeing gifts they’d like: a blue lace nightgown for Harriet, a Flexo fly rod for Ozzie.
• The sporting goods clerk, Mr. Salmon, hams up the allure of the fly rod, even as Ozzie maintains the “sensible” front.
  • Mr. Salmon (17:24): “There’s nothing more sensible than this Flexo fly rod. Flexible, yet unbreakable.”
  • Harriet (17:30, teasing): "Of course, that might be left over from the negligee we were just looking at."

7. Holiday Traditions and Children’s Anticipation (19:06–20:28)

• Ricky and David try to speed up the Christmas festivities—asking to decorate the tree and play music early.
  • Ozzie (20:04): “No Christmas music. Let's save something for Christmas Eve.”
  • Boys negotiate for “I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas” and “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”

8. Late-Night Reflections & Secret Gifts (20:41–25:46)

• Ozzie and Harriet reflect on their agreement, both admitting what they would've liked as gifts.
  • Ozzie (22:04): “If you hadn’t gotten it for me, I’d have been just as pleased with something less expensive, like a Flexo fly rod.”
  • Harriet (22:12): “Funny, I was just thinking that if you hadn’t got me the radio phonograph, I’d have been quite happy with that blue lace nightgown.”
• They playfully reveal they have secretly (via the dog and the neighbor’s cat, comically) purchased each other these forbidden gifts anyway.

9. Final Twist—Secret Silverware Gift (26:19–27:46)

• The narrator reveals Ozzie has secretly bought Harriet a luxurious tea service to match her 1847 Rogers Brothers silver.
  • Mr. Jonathan (26:39): “He ordered it to match her 1847 pattern, and now he’s all set.”
• The episode ends with a nostalgic moment—Ozzie affectionately recalls old crank phonographs.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Harriet’s Mother on Sensible Gifting (08:02):
  “There are two times when you’re not supposed to be sensible. Finding a husband and Christmas.”

• Ozzie’s Pact Quote (03:46):
  “Let's take an oath. We'll make a binding agreement…this radio phonograph is our gift to each other.”

• Emmy Lou’s Misplaced Praise (14:49):
  "You can be summed up in one word, Mr. Nelson, and that word is. No, no, no, no, I don't deserve it. One. Maybe you do, Mr. Nelson."

• Ozzie on Christmas Traditions (19:07):
  "Tonight? We always wait till Christmas Eve to decorate the tree. You guys don’t want to spoil your Christmas Eve, do you?"

• Ozzie Admitting Gift Desire (22:04):
  "...I'd have been just as pleased with something less expensive, like a Flexo fly rod."

• Harriet Playfully Revealing the Gift (23:46):
  “You know what a lovable, friendly dog Nick is, and you’ve been awfully good to him all year. And so he’s going to give you a fishing rod for Christmas.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:25 – Family introduces new radio-phonograph, begins practical gift pact
• 04:25 – Thorny’s visit and contrasting gift philosophies
• 07:07 – Harriet calls her mother; discussion of “sensible” Christmas
• 14:08 – Emmy Lou idolizes Ozzie’s supposed generosity
• 16:00 – Ozzie and Harriet go shopping, eye alternative gifts
• 19:06 – Boys push to decorate early; Ozzie enforces tradition
• 20:41 – Cozy late-night gift confessions and secret-gift reveals
• 26:19 – Narrator reveals Ozzie’s secret silverware surprise
• 28:03 – Finale reminiscence about old phonographs

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Tone & Style

The episode maintains the gentle, family-centered comedic style of Ozzie and Harriet, with witty exchanges, affectionate teasing, and satirical takes on American consumer culture. There’s warm nostalgia and a soft poke at the ideal of the “practical Christmas,” all delivered in the show’s signature wholesome banter.

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Conclusion

This episode playfully explores the balance between practicality and sentiment in holiday gift-giving, ultimately affirming that love, thoughtfulness, and a dash of tradition are at the heart of a truly merry Christmas—even if “sensible” resolutions don’t always go as planned.

Transcript

[A]

Epic views, waterfall, mists, summit sunsets. It's all better outside. And with alltrails you can discover the best of nature. With over 450,000 trails around the world. Download the free app today and find your next adventure. Have you seen that Santa Claus? That's downtown near the square.

[B]

Oh yeah, he's a jolly little guy, isn't he?

[A]

Yesterday I walked by and said hiya Santa Claus, what do you know? And he laughed and said. America's finest silver plate is 1847 Rogers Brothers.

[B]

He's a good man to have on our side.

[C]

America's finest silver plate is 1847 Rogers Brothers. From Hollywood International Silver Company, creators of 1847 Rogers Brothers Silver Plate presents the adventures of Ozzy and Harriet.

[B]

Starring America's favorite young couple, Ozzie Nelson and Harriet Hilliard.

[C]

Look at Rogers Road. Oh, you can certainly tell Christmas. Some folks even have their trees trimmed already. And look there at 1847 where the Nelsons live. There's a wreath in the window. Say, can that music possibly be coming from the Nelson's house?

[B]

Of course.

[C]

There they are, the whole family. Ozzie, Harriet, David, Ricky, and even Nick, the family dog, all gathered in front of the radio. Hmm, it's only 10:30 in the morning. What's music like that doing on the radio at this hour? Has just plain Bill changed his theme song. Oh, I see they're listening to a record on the phonogr.

[B]

It was really something to hear, wasn't it? Quite a record.

[A]

Boy, those classical piano players sure can make a lot of noise, can't they Pop?

[B]

Now that's not noise, David. That's fine music, expertly played.

[D]

How can you tell a difference?

[A]

I enjoyed it very much, dear, thank you.

[B]

I'm glad at least one member of the family appreciated it. Fine thing we get a brand new radio phonograph combination and no enthusiasm whatsoever. When I was a boy.

[A]

Are you gonna let your us Pop? You always start out with when I was a boy.

[B]

I do, do I, Harriet?

[A]

I'm afraid you do, dear fool. This time start out with when I was a girl.

[B]

Point I'm trying to make. Boys, when we get something like this radio phonograph, let's show a little interest in it.

[D]

We're interested, Pop.

[B]

I mean real interest. Like the enthusiasm you showed when we got the new car.

[D]

When was that?

[B]

Well, it was a little before your time, Ricky.

[A]

Go on outside and play, boys. You're upsetting your father. Come on, Ricky.

[B]

What does it take to please those guys?

[A]

Oh, I'm sure they like it, dear. Don't forget, it isn't easy for little boys just to sit still and listen to classical music.

[B]

I guess you're right. Sure is a beautiful machine, isn't it?

[A]

I think it's wonderful, dear. It's the best Christmas present I've ever had.

[B]

No, no, Harry. This is my Christmas present.

[A]

Say, I have an idea. Why not call it our Christmas present to each other?

[B]

Oh, no, Harriet, I'd like to get you something personal.

[A]

But honestly, dear, this is a wonderful Christmas present. Besides, it was my idea that we buy it in the first place.

[B]

Of course, it would be a sensible thing to do. I must admit, it's a lot better than spending money on a bunch of silly junk that neither of us wants.

[A]

That's exactly the way I feel.

[B]

Okay, I'll tell you what. Let's take an oath. We'll make a binding agreement.

[A]

A pact.

[B]

I'll get my pants.

[A]

I'll get a bottle of blood.

[B]

We can make it just a verbal agreement. I won't get you anything and you won't get me anything. This radio phonograph is our gift to each other. Agreed?

[A]

Agreed.

[B]

If I do not keep this vow, what's something awful. Oh. If I do not keep this vow, may Harriet's cold feet be forever implanted in the small of my back. Oh, that's Thorny. Now, don't mention the radio phonograph. I want to watch his face when he sees it.

[A]

I'd better go look after those dishes.

[B]

Come on in, Thorny. Hi, Oz. Season's greetings. What's that in your hat band? Oh, mistletoe. This way, I'm always standing under it. Anybody can take advantage of me and kiss me. Well, don't look at me. Aren't you going to invite me to sit down? Well, sure, if you take off your hat. Okay. Oh, no. Mistletoe tied in your hair? Certainly.

[C]

Why, be half safe.

[B]

Notice anything unusual in the room, Thorny? No, I just can't say that I do. Look, I'll stand over here and lean on this. Notice anything unusual? No, I'm afraid not.

[D]

Huh?

[B]

Okay, you go ahead and play innocent. I'm not going to mention it again. Before I forget it, Oz, I did a little snooping around and found out what Catherine's getting me for Christmas. You'll never guess. A new radio phonograph. Don't be ridiculous. Who wants a radio phonograph? She bought me a brand new genuine leather golf bag. Has everything. Separate loops for each club. Zipper pocket for your sweater and shoes. Even has a place to put Your teeth.

[D]

What do you think of that?

[B]

What's wrong with a new radio phonograph? Didn't you hear me? A beautiful golf bag with pockets and zippers. Genuine leather. Yes, it sounds okay. Okay is wonderful. Well, I've always wanted. Careful, Oz. Don't lean too heavy on your new radio phonograph. Well, then you did notice it. I saw the men bring it in. It's very nice, too. Oh, thanks, Tony. Your golf bag sounds awful good, too. Those zipper pockets, those are really convenient. I'll bet this has a beautiful tone, Oz. Really a terrific looking job. Too bad about this little nick in it here at the bottom. Notice that must have happened when they brought it in. What a shame. It went right through the finish, didn't it? Plus, if those golf bag zippers get stuck, they're liable to tear out a handful of that artificial leather. What do you think Harry is going to give you for Christmas? Eyes? She's giving me the radio phonograph. Oh, that's a nice present. What are you going to give her? The same thing. What do you want with two of them? We're giving this one to. To each other. It's our Christmas gift and we're very happy about the whole thing. Very happy. All right, Oz, stop glaring at me. We've decided to be sensible this year. We have something we both want. So why go out and buy a lot of silly junk? You're absolutely right. Well, see you later. What's your hurry? I want to go home and hunt around for some more silly junk that.

[C]

Has my name on it.

[B]

Hi, Christmas, Oz.

[D]

Hello.

[A]

Hello, Harriet. This is Mother. Oh, hello, Mother. How are you? Pretty good, dear. I've just come from downtown. Finally finished all of my shopping. Just a moment. Just wanted to take my shoes off. Your feet hurt?

[D]

A little.

[A]

It's strange how small they're making. Size five these days. I hope you didn't tire yourself out.

[D]

Oh, no.

[A]

In fact, I feel quite gay. Beginning to look like Christmas around here. You got your tree up yet? Not yet. I think Ozzy's gonna get it tomorrow. Oh, a lot of them are already up on our block. You can see the light. In fact, they're trimming one now in the house across the street. Oh, can you see it? No, but I can see the star go past the window every time it falls over. Have you found out what Ozzy's getting you for Christmas?

[D]

Oh, yes.

[A]

We decided this morning we're buying something for the house and giving it to each other. Really, dear, what is it? It's a New radio phonograph. It's really beautiful, too. Oh, that sounds nice. Are you having it delivered on Christmas? No, it's already here. Well, Ozzy's going to give you something else, isn't he? No, Mother. We decided to be sensible this year. It's our one and only gift. Harriet, dear, there are two times when you're not supposed to be sensible. Finding a husband and Christmas. We're really very happy about it, Mother. Well, for myself, I just love opening presents.

[D]

But if you and I. Oh, this.

[A]

Only includes Ozzy and me. We intend to get gifts for the boys and you. Now, don't bother with me, dear. I'll be happy just knowing that you have a nice new radio photograph. Oh, now, Mother, please, I don't mind. You can just call me on the phone and play some records for me. But we want to get you something. No, Harriet, no. Well, only one gift then. Oh, I just can't understand why Ozzy's forcing this agreement on you. Well, he's not forcing it on me, Mother. We're forcing it on each. I mean, we think it's the sensible thing to do.

[D]

Well, all right, dear.

[A]

As long as you're happy. That's all that matters. You are happy, aren't you? Yes, Mother. Before I hang up, I want you to smile. I'm smiling, Mother. All right, dear.

[D]

Goodbye.

[A]

What are you doing?

[B]

Putting a little furniture polish on this scratch.

[A]

What scratch?

[B]

Can't you see it? It's almost three inches long. Right here at the bottom of the cabinet.

[D]

Oh, yes.

[A]

I wonder how that happened.

[B]

Probably fell out of the truck. The moving men were probably music haters.

[A]

It's nothing, dear.

[D]

You can hardly see it.

[B]

Be all right after I get the polish rubbed in.

[A]

I just spoke to Mother. She doesn't think too much of our agreement. I could tell by the way she talked.

[B]

Oh? What did she say?

[A]

Said she didn't think too much of our agreement.

[B]

Captain's giving him some silly old golf bag.

[A]

I think we're being very sensible. Being sensible?

[B]

So do I. The combination's a wonderful Christmas present.

[A]

It certainly is. Mind you, dear, I'm not trying to back out, but it seems that this is more of a gift to me.

[B]

Oh, nonsense. It's more of a gift to me. You know how I enjoy records. Thorny was so envious of our radio phonograph. All the time he was here, he talked of nothing else but his golf bag.

[A]

Does that make sense?

[B]

We're just trying to cover up his jealousy.

[A]

You aren't envious of Thorny's? New golf bag, are you?

[B]

Well, of course not. Why should I be? I have a golf bag. Fine golf bag. That. That canvas went out in the garage.

[A]

That's not a very good one, is it?

[B]

Well, of course it is. It's. It's a little shabby and. And dirty, but it's plenty good. In fact, I always attract a lot of attention with it. It's the only golf bag I know of. You can put the clubs in the top and take them out of the box.

[A]

I still think that our gift to each other is a very sensible and practical.

[B]

Oh, of course it is. Come on, let's enjoy it. Put on a couple of records.

[A]

Okay. Oh, here's one. Very appropriate, too. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.

[B]

Never mind. There's one right here on the machine. Yeah, this is very appro.

[A]

What's that one, dear?

[B]

I got plenty of nothing.

[C]

You know, I bet there's not a family in the country that isn't doing the same thing. Harriet and Ozzy are now planning what's going to be under the tree on Christmas morning. You probably are yourself. And listen, dad, if you'll send mom out of the room for a minute, I've got a sensational idea for you and the kids.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

And here it is. Why don't all of you get together and give mom A set of 1847 Rogers Brothers?

[B]

Sure.

[C]

I told you it was a wonderful idea. 1847 Rogers Brothers is the finest silver plate in America.

[B]

The very best.

[C]

Created by master craftsmen who have been leaders in their field for over 100 years. The lovely features of 1847 Rogers Brothers are unequaled. It stands alone beautiful, incomparable. And isn't that just the kind of present you want from mom? There's nothing that will make her feel more proud or happier than to know she owns the one and only 1847 Rogers brothers. So see your silverware dealer tomorrow, why don't you? He'll have some good news for you. When it comes to the price of 1847, it hasn't gone up since 1945. Yes, this Christmas, give 1847 Rogers Brothers the finest silver plate in America. Ozzy Nelson has always been a practical man. In college, his perception, his ability to see the facts made him a valuable quarterback. A good example was the Rutgers Cornell game. It was the last quarter and Rutgers was trailing 41 to nothing. They had the ball on their own 10 yard line. Fourth down, 37 yards to go. One minute remain to play practical. Ozzy sized up the situation in a Flash. Calmly he stepped into the huddle, turned to his teammates and said, this is hopeless.

[B]

Let's quit.

[C]

Not to be outdone by practical Ozzy is sensible Harriet keen minded and quick to make decisions together. Practical Ozzy and sensible Harriet make a rather sensible and practical couple. They've even decided to have a sensible Christmas this year. Yes, sir. They've agreed that their new radio phonograph will be their gift to each other. In the living room of the Nelson home, practical Aussie stands admiring the addition to the household.

[B]

Don't you think this sort of overwhelms the rest of the furniture?

[A]

I don't know, dear. I think we'll get used to it.

[B]

Come in.

[D]

Hello, Mr. Nelson.

[B]

Oh, hello, Emmy Lou. How are you?

[D]

David told me about your new combination, Mr. Nelson. I just had to come over and see him.

[A]

Hello, emmy Lou.

[D]

Hello, Mrs. Nelson. Oh, it's beautiful.

[A]

Do you really like it?

[D]

Oh, yes. And aren't you lucky to have a husband like Mr. Nelson? There aren't many men who buy something like this so close to Christmas. But here Mr. Nelson gets this lovely radio phonograph and on Christmas morning he'll surround it with all the beautiful presents he's bought you. What a wonderful husband.

[B]

So actually, Emmy Lou. No, no, no, no, no, no. Wait a minute, Emmy Lou, you don't understand.

[D]

I do, Mr. Nelson. You're a man who knows how to keep romance alive. A man who tries to make each Christmas better than the one before.

[B]

Yes, you do.

[D]

You can be summed up in one word, Mr. Nelson, and that word is.

[B]

No, no, no, no, I don't deserve it.

[D]

One. Maybe you do, Mr. Nelson. Well, goodbye, Mrs. Nelson. Fortunate, lucky Mrs. Nelson.

[A]

Goodbye, Emmy Lou.

[D]

And goodbye, Mr. Nelson. And generous, big hearted, bankrupt Mr. Nelson.

[B]

Such an emotional girl. I wonder if that could be a thyroid condition. What a mob. Why in the world does everybody have to wait till the last minute to do his Christmas shopping? Now, seeing all these silly things makes you realize how sensible we're being, doesn't it? Harriet. Harriet. Come on, dear, keep moving. Oh, I'm sorry, madam. I thought you were my wife.

[A]

Fresh.

[B]

Harriet. Harriet, where are you?

[A]

I'm right behind you, dear.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, Ozzy, isn't that a beautiful nightgown?

[D]

Where's that, that blue lace one over.

[A]

There on that dummy. It's not very practical, of course.

[B]

Isn't it awfully thin?

[A]

Thin?

[B]

Yeah, the nightgown. Oh, not the dummy, the dummy. I mean, the nightgown is thin.

[A]

Well, it's supposed to be thin, isn't it? A lovely shade of blue.

[B]

It's blue because you freeze to death in it. I wonder what those dummies are made of.

[A]

Hadn't we better be going, De? We still have to pick up the tree and I've got to get dinner.

[B]

I'll be right with you. I just want to look at some of this sports equipment. Isn't it awful when you think of all the husbands and wives are going to give each other silly, impractical gifts like these.

[A]

That's a good looking fishing pole, isn't it?

[B]

Say, that's not bad. Bet you could pull in some big fish with that one.

[E]

Well, well, sir, it's easy to tell that you're fish minded.

[B]

That's just my hair oil.

[E]

I think you certainly know which is the best equipment. You are no doubt an expert.

[B]

Oh, I. I've done a little fishing.

[E]

It is a beauty, isn't it? I. I take it you're dropping a little hint as to what you'd like for Christmas, huh?

[A]

No, we're being sensible this year.

[E]

And there's nothing more sensible than this Flexo fly rod. Flexible, yet unbreakable.

[B]

It's a nice looking rod, all right.

[E]

Look at the light in your husband's eyes, madam.

[A]

I noticed this. Of course, that might be left over from the negligee we were just looking at.

[E]

No, I'd know that look anywhere. That's the fly rod fisherman glaze. Here, take it in your hand. Feel the new lightweight. Note the whip in it. Can't you just see yourself in some cool mountain stream on a warm summer day?

[B]

Funny, I can almost feel the clear water lapping at my feet.

[E]

Oh, I'm sorry. It's that darn drinking fountain that's been leaking.

[A]

I hate to hurry you, dear, but I think we better be going.

[B]

Yeah, I guess you're right. Thank you very much for the demonstration.

[E]

Oh, glad to do it. Anytime you want anything in the way of fishing equipment, just ask for me. That's my section.

[B]

I. I'll do that. What's the name?

[E]

Salmon. George Salmon.

[A]

We've got everything now, haven't we?

[B]

Yes, everything except the Christmas rod. The. The flexo. The. The Christmas tree.

[A]

Ay, why don't you pick up the tree and I'll go home and fix dinner.

[B]

What's the rush? It's only. Yeah, yeah, maybe that would be a good idea. I'll see you back home.

[A]

Okay. Goodbye, dear.

[B]

Goodbye.

[D]

Goodbye.

[A]

It's Salmon.

[E]

Oh, that's you. For a second I thought there was a leak in one of our basketballs.

[A]

How Much is that fly rod my husband was looking at? Hey, Pop, the Thornburs have got their tree up already. Can we put ours up tonight?

[D]

Please, Pop?

[B]

Tonight? We always wait till Christmas Eve to decorate the tree. You guys don't want to spoil your Christmas Eve, do you?

[A]

We won't spoil it, Pop. It'll be fun.

[B]

Besides, if you decorate the tree tonight, you'll just want to do something else tomorrow night.

[A]

We thought tomorrow night we could open our presents. Oh, fine. By the time Christmas gets here, you'll be celebrating New Year's.

[C]

Hello, fellas.

[B]

I'm sorry, but we're not going to decorate the tree tonight.

[A]

Sure would be fun.

[B]

Boy, I. I know it would, Ricky. But we're not going to do it. Five days isn't too long to wait.

[A]

I guess not.

[B]

It's almost a week. That's not too long. It'd be fun tonight. Yes, but it just spoiled Christmas Eve.

[A]

Okay, Pop. Whatever you say, Pop.

[B]

Do you boys know where the ornaments are?

[A]

Sure. They're up in the attic.

[B]

Well, don't break any bringing them down.

[D]

We won't.

[A]

Can we play some Christmas music on the new phonograph, Pop?

[B]

Oh, no, no, no. Definitely not. Now, that's where I draw the line. No Christmas music. Let's save something for Christmas Eve.

[D]

But what about I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas?

[A]

That's not really Christmas music because you're only dreaming of it.

[B]

Yes, that's true. Okay, we'll play I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas, but that's all. Okay, Pa. Of course, Santa Claus's coming to town would be all right. So you see, he's coming to town. He isn't here yet.

[A]

Oh, boy. Gee, thanks, Pop.

[D]

Come on.

[A]

Oh, it's pretty late, dear. Haven't we better get to bed now?

[B]

Let's wait till the fire dies out.

[A]

Tree looks pretty, doesn't it?

[B]

It'll look even better with the presents under it. That's when a tree is at its best with the presents piled high. Of course, there won't be any for you this year. For me, that is.

[A]

Or for you? For me?

[B]

Do you realize Christmas isn't until next Saturday? And it's all over for us. That's the one drawback to being so darn sensitive. You don't get anything.

[A]

You'll get something from the boys.

[B]

Oh, yes. Yes, the boys. That's right. I wonder what they bought me. What could they buy me with that measly allowance I give you? Times like this, I wish I wasn't such a cheapskate well, you aren't a.

[A]

Cheapskate, and we have a lovely.

[B]

You mean that thing with the bottom half of the cabinet gouged out? I think it needs adjusting. Our new tube or something, too. It's got an awful tone. The face keeps going boom.

[A]

I think it's a wonderful gift.

[B]

Oh, so do I, but, I mean, if you hadn't gotten it for me, I'd have been just as pleased with something less expensive, like a Flexo fly rod.

[A]

Funny, I was just thinking that if you hadn't got me the radio phonograph, I'd have been quite happy with that blue lace nightgown.

[B]

Actually, though, why do I need an expensive fly rod?

[A]

Well, they're awfully nice to have.

[B]

I know, but how many fish have I ever caught?

[A]

One.

[B]

I didn't really catch that one. It was lying on the bottom of the stream and I stepped on it.

[A]

Too late. Nightgown isn't very sensible either. Much too flimsy. I'd freeze in it.

[B]

Oh, you could wear your flannel pajamas under it.

[A]

We've been very sensible.

[B]

Oh, very practical.

[A]

Ozzie, would you rather have the fly rod than the radio phonograph and tell the truth?

[B]

Oh, possibly so, but. But I'm not sorry about our agreement. You can get it for me on my birthday next to a fly rod. I'd rather have the radio phonograph if I didn't get a new tennis racket or maybe a golf bag.

[A]

But you would like a fly rod.

[B]

Well, I guess so. But it's so impractical. You could never wrap a present like that. It's too long.

[D]

Oh, no, it's collapsible.

[A]

And then you remove the reel and wind the line up.

[B]

Oh, well, then you could probably. Harriet, you broke our agreement. You bought me the fly rod.

[A]

Oh, no, dear, you didn't. Not exactly. I'll tell you what happened. You know what a lovable, friendly dog Nick is, and you've been awfully good to him all year. And so he's going to give it a fishing rod for Christmas.

[B]

Oh, where is it?

[A]

In the linen closet, under the blankets on the top shelf. There's another package in there. A big box with a red ribbon around it.

[B]

Oh, that's a. That's a polo shirt.

[A]

Pretty fancy blue lace polo shirt.

[B]

How did you know it was blue lace?

[A]

I accidentally punched a hole in the box with my nail file.

[B]

Oh, Harriet, now you've spoiled the surprise.

[A]

You mean that beautiful nightgown was for me?

[D]

Oh, but you probably.

[B]

It wasn't from me? It was from the Thornberry's cat.

[A]

You know, I think we're showing real strength of character keeping our agreement. Like.

[B]

Yeah, I wish you hadn't told me about Nick buying me the fly. What a A thoughtful dog he is. Maybe we ought to give him the Thornberry's cat for Christmas, Gino. It sure would have been a surprise Christmas morning. That fly around?

[A]

So is my nightgown. Too bad you had to mention it.

[B]

Mention it? Well, you jabbed a hole in the package with your nail file.

[A]

I wasn't sure what it was though. Just a tiny hole.

[B]

Oh, you'd have found out tomorrow. You'd probably nick the box with your meat cleaver.

[A]

I would have. What time is it, dear?

[B]

A quarter to 12. This watch band is getting pretty worn. Tilly has a nice looking leather ones down at the Emporium. So you know I've been pretty nice to the Dunkle fox terrier.

[A]

And now that you mention the Emporium, did you see those darling compacts at the jewelry counter? Wouldn't it be nice if those pigeons down at the city hall should decide to get together and finding one?

[B]

Of course I have my fly rod and you have your nightgown. It'd be silly to want anything else.

[A]

Oh, be very impracticable.

[B]

Wouldn't be sensible.

[A]

Could keep happening old over and over again.

[B]

Are you sure you'd buy me a leather watch band? Then I'd discover how shabby my wallet is. They have beautiful wallets at the Emporium. And very reasonable too.

[A]

You'd get me the compact and then I'd look at my tarnish old lipstick case and remember the beautiful ones they have at Schwab's. You know something, dear? I think this is going to be the nicest Christmas we've ever had.

[B]

Just one thing though. Don't buy me too many expensive presents. I can't afford it this year.

[C]

You know, Harriet's right. This really is going to be the best Christmas she's ever had. Even better than she thinks. Because what Harriet doesn't know is that Ozzy made a secret trip down to Mr. Johnson Jonathan Silverware store the other day. And you know what he ordered? A beautiful, gleaming, wonderful, magnificent tea service in 1847. Rogers Brothers remembrance pattern. Isn't that right, Mr. Jonathan?

[B]

Yeah, that's it, Mr. Smith. We talked it over, Ozzy and I, and we decided it was just perfect. Harriet's got a set of 1847 Rogers Brothers for a table. I'm crazy about it too, you know.

[C]

Why sure. What woman wouldn't be? 1847 Rogers Brothers is the finest silver plate in America.

[B]

Yep. Well, so Ozzy and I thought the tea service was just perfect. He ordered it to match her 1847 pattern, and now he's all set. A wonderful idea for a present, you know.

[C]

Yes, sir. And so are those other beautiful 1847 Rogers Brothers pieces. Vegetable dishes and platters and gravy sets. They're the pieces every woman dreams of seeing on her table. And each one is created with all the amazing skill that has made 1847 so famous.

[B]

You know, Mr. Smith, when a woman's got anything made by 1847 Rogers Brothers on her table, she's really got something that year mark. 1847 stands for quality. I'm telling you.

[C]

Exceptional quality. Exquisite beauty. So, folks, make it a point to visit your silverware dealers tomorrow. See the stunning pieces created by 1847 Rogers Ruffles and choose one for the best Christmas present of all. Yes, for a gift of importance, choose 1847 Rogers Brothers.

[B]

Now, this phonograph really has a beautiful tone. Remember the old ones that used to run down. I'll be down to get you in a taxi, honey. You better be ready about half as day. Now, deary. Don't be late. I want to be there.

[A]

Oh, I'd forgotten how we used to have to wind up those old phonographs. We cranked and cranked and cranked.

[D]

What are you doing?

[B]

You wound me up too tight.

[D]

Well, sing a quick chorus before you break yourself.

[A]

Spring.

[B]

I'm going to dance off both my shoes when you play those jelly roll blues. Tomorrow night. Tomorrow night Tomorrow night. Tomorrow night. Tomorrow night.

[D]

Harry.

[B]

Tomorrow night.

[D]

Tomorrow night. Tomorrow night. Hell, tomorrow night.

[A]

Sorry, dear.

[B]

Oh, thank you.

[A]

Here, I'll put you on again.

[E]

You better throw yourself the national broadcasting Company.