Packard Hour 37-01-26 Haunted House Sketch

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Packard Hour 37-01-26 Haunted House Sketch
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Date: October 3, 2025

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Overview

This episode transports listeners back to January 26, 1937, for an authentic recreation of “The Packard Hour,” a radio variety show featuring music, comedy, and dramatic sketches as it aired in the Golden Age of Radio. With Fred Astaire as the marquee star, supported by Johnny Green and his Orchestra, comedian Charlie Butterworth, vocalists Conrad Thibault, Francia White, Trudy Wood, and others, the episode presents a cheerful blend of banter, musical numbers, and a whimsical haunted house sketch, all in classic mid-1930s style. The focus is on comedy sketches, light-hearted vaudeville exchanges, and songs that echo the spirit of pre-TV family radio entertainment.

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Key Discussion Points & Episode Structure

1. Introduction and Opening Banter

[00:13–03:38]

• Sponsor plug for Packard’s 1937 new cars.

• Host introduces main cast: Johnny Green, Charles Butterworth, Conrad Thibault, Francia White, Judy Wood, with Fred Astaire as star.

• Musical number “Plenty of Money and You” opens, setting a joyful tone.

• Fred Astaire and Ken Carpenter engage in comedic banter regarding Fred's adventures (and misadventures) as a houseguest at Johnny Green’s, joking about noisy nights and breakfast excesses.

  “At breakfast I only had 22 hotcakes, four fried eggs, six slices of ham, and five cups of coffee.”
  — Fred Astaire (02:49)

• Running gag about Fred’s depleted appetite and Johnny’s supposed stinginess.

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2. Charlie Butterworth’s Detective Gag

[03:54–05:51]

• Butterworth bursts in, lampooning police/detective tropes with “Operator X” (comedic kleptomaniac sidekick) and a running peanut-roaster gag.

• Skit about Butterworth’s ostentatiously fancy “police station” (“so swanky, they shoot the rogues gallery pictures in Technicolor” [05:02]).

• Fred’s watch goes missing—“Operator X” sheepishly returns it, minus the jewels.

  “You’ll find it runs much better without the jewels. They slow up the movement.”
  — Operator X (05:29)

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3. Music: "Button Your Shoes”

[06:05–07:16]

• A peppy performance, tying in with the lighthearted theme.
• Segue to the narrative: investigating lead at Francia White’s house for the missing horse Rasputin.

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4. Francia White’s House—Antique and Sandwich Gags

[07:27–09:07]

• Fred and Charlie arrive at Francia’s, with more wordplay about antiques and owning “one in our house, too—it goes back to Berman, the furniture man.”
• Butterworth’s experimentations in home chemistry (“They laughed when I started to make TNT, but when I dropped it they exploded.” [08:37])
• Offers of sandwiches and self-deprecating jokes about being creative geniuses.

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5. Francia White Sings "Jockey on the Carousel"

[09:07–11:39]

• A touching and whimsical rendition, bridging comedy with musical performance.

  “If she resembled you, I’d be a jockey too.”
  — Francia White (10:56)

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6. Comedy Sketch: The Electrician

[14:51–20:33]

• Butterworth plays a bumbling electrician from “Amalgamated Electric Company,” with increasingly surreal, dry exchanges:

  “Say, where’s your fuse box?”
  — Butterworth (18:07)

  “That’s the trouble. The way they’re building houses nowadays, a lot of people can’t find their fuse boxes. I know a fella who lived in the house for 30 years. He couldn’t find his fuse box. … Yes, he lived in the gas house.”
  — Butterworth (18:21)

• Electrician tries crude ‘fixes’—sticking knives in sockets, sampling the homeowner’s celery in the fridge.

• Ultimately, kicks the fuse box, restoring power (“Glad to have been some help—all amalgamated service.” [20:20])

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7. Swing Parody of History: “Columbus Discovers Swing”

[20:33–24:31]

• Musical comedy routine: Christopher Columbus discovers swing music, not America.
• Wordplay and rhyming patter; mutiny resolved through song and swing.
• Example lyric:

  “There is land somewhere / until we get there we will not go wrong / if we sing a swing us song…”
  — Fred Astaire (21:01)

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8. Detective Gags and More Antiques

[24:38–29:36]

• Butterworth resumes detective work, “grilling” a murder suspect, himself conflating suspects with steaks:

  “I’ve got a prize for grilling.”
  — Charlie Butterworth (24:45)
  “A prize for grilling criminals?”
  “No, steaks. Same principle though—make them fry, I always say.” (24:47)

• More comedy about Johnny Green’s antiques; Trudy Wood mistakes Charlie for an “Egyptian mummy.”

• Charlie’s tale of being “purchased” by a woman in an antique store demonstrates the show’s commitment to self-deprecating, gentle humor.

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9. Musical Interludes

[29:36–33:00]

• Astaire and Wood duet “An Apple A Day,” a clever, health-themed comic love song.

  “An apple a day keeps doctors away, so eat it. An apple a day will help you to stay in love.”
  — Fred Astaire & Trudy Wood (31:39)

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10. Haunting the Haunted House

[46:25–51:52]

• The show’s “Haunted House Sketch” centerpiece: After a flat tire and thunderstorm, the troupe finds refuge in a spooky, ghost-hosted mansion (“I’m the host spook here, and all these other spooks and ghosts are my guests.” [47:31])

• Gags about obtaining haunting licenses, a ghost with a dialect named “Ginsburg,” skeletons in closets, and a ghostly swing party.

• Musical numbers “The Skeleton in the Closet” and a dance with the spirits.

  “There’s an old deserted mansion on an old forgotten road, where the better ghosts and goblins always hang out… The spooks were having their midnight fling… when the skeleton in the closet started to dance!”
  — Fred Astaire (48:47)

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11. Closing Sketches and Musical Finales

[39:19–44:27] and [51:52–52:48]

• Skit: Charlie tries ice skating, reminiscing about his “cookie cutter” childhood tricks. Visual gags abound, including “skating” with missing wheels and falling through the ice.
• The show ends with Johnny Green’s dazzling “Gone Like the Wind” before a closing orchestral flourish and a preview of next week’s show.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Fred astaire’s appetite (02:49):
  “At breakfast I only had 22 hotcakes, four fried eggs, six slices of ham and five cups of coffee…”

• Technicolor gag (05:02):
  “Charlie’s police station is so swanky, they shoot the rogues gallery pictures in Technicolor.”

• Watch theft gag (05:29):
  “You’ll find it runs much better without the jewels. They slow up the movement.” — Operator X

• Home chemistry joke (08:37):
  “They laughed when I started to make TNT, but when I dropped it they exploded.” — Charlie Butterworth

• Bumbling electrician (18:21):
  “He lived in the gas house. Little joke of mine. I always tell it to subscribers.” — Butterworth

• Antique purchase (29:07):
  “A woman walked up and bought you?”
  “Yeah, she said to the clerk, I’ll take these old fossil remains here.”

• Haunted house host (47:31):
  “I want you to meet my friend. I’m the host spook here. And all these other spooks and ghosts are my guests.”

• Skeleton in the Closet Song (48:47):
  “The spooks were having their midnight swing / The merry making was in full swing / ... When the skeleton in the closet started to dance.”

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Memorable Musical Performances (with approximate timestamps)

• “Plenty of Money and You” [00:59–02:04]
• “Button Your Shoes” [06:05–07:16]
• “Jockey on the Carousel” [09:53–11:39]
• “Love is a Dancing Thing” [25:49–27:34]
• “An Apple a Day” [30:59–33:00]
• “The World is Mine” [36:29–39:19]
• “Gone Like the Wind” [44:27–46:25]
• “The Skeleton in the Closet” (Haunted House Sketch) [48:47–50:00]

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Tone and Style

The episode is characterized by fast-paced joke-telling, pun-filled banter, farcical sketches, and light romantic songs, all delivered with the charm and polish of 1930s radio. Comedic exchanges are grounded in exaggeration and gentle ribbing, often with vaudevillian absurdity and sly self-awareness.

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Conclusion

This episode of “Harold’s Old Time Radio” delivers a vibrant snapshot of 1930s entertainment, where music and humor merge in a spirited ensemble performance. From Fred Astaire’s dry wit to Charlie Butterworth’s loopy detective antics and the haunted house’s playful spookiness, the show captures why radio once commanded the family’s attention. Those listening today are treated to seamless transitions from toe-tapping tunes to high-wire comic dialogue, all with a wink to its golden-age origins.

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Transcript

[A]

To present four great new cars at four new low prices for 1937. The Packard Motor Car Company and its distributors and dealers everywhere bring you the.

[B]

Packard Hour.

[A]

With Johnny Green, his piano and his orchestra. With the comedy of Charles Butterworth, the singing of Conrad Thibault, Francia White and Judy Wood. And starring the screen's most versatile personality, Fred Astaire.

[B]

Oh, baby, what I couldn't do with plenty of money and you in spite of the worry that money brings Just a little filthy lucre buys a lot of things and I could take you to places you'd like to go but outside of that I've no use for dough it's the root of all evil of strife and upheaval But I'm certain, honey that life could be sunny with.

[C]

Plenty of money and you.

[B]

And I could take you to places you'd like to go but outside of that I've.

[A]

No use for dough it's the root.

[B]

Of all evil of strife and upheaval But I'm certain, honey that life could be sunny with plenty of money and.

[D]

You thank you very much.

[E]

Thank you.

[F]

Hey, Fred.

[A]

I noticed that you and Johnny Green don't seem to be on very friendly terms tonight. Anything wrong?

[B]

No, Ken. No. Only. Only if Johnny wants to be that kind of a host, it's all right with me. He makes me sick.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Well, I. I stayed over at Johnny's house last night and I had the room right under Johnny's.

[F]

Yeah?

[A]

What happened?

[B]

Well, at 4:00 in the morning, Johnny started stamping on the floor above me. Oh, it was awful.

[A]

That must have made a terrible noise, friend.

[B]

I did, Ken. Why? Why, he made such a racket. I hear myself roller skate. Well, really. I mean.

[A]

Well, maybe he's just a nervous type, Fred.

[B]

Well, I don't like to say it, Ken, but. But I believe he's a bit stingy, too.

[A]

Stingy? In what way, Fred?

[B]

Well, at breakfast I only had 22 hotcakes, four fried eggs, six slices of ham and five cups of coffee.

[F]

Oh, I see.

[B]

That's all you had? Yes. Why? Why, Johnny kept staring at me so much, I lost my appetite. I. I actually got up from that table hungry.

[A]

I should think you would.

[B]

And he's so touchy about little things, too. Oh, he makes me sick. Just because I. I backed out of his garage without first. You know, he potted for an hour. He's a terrible host, Ken.

[A]

He must be, Fred.

[B]

Why, Ken, do you know, the last summer he invited me to his summer place for the weekend. And he made it so miserable, I packed up and left. After six months, I mean, I consider something. He makes me sick. Hello, Fred. Oh, hello, John. I was. I was just telling Ken Carpenter what a swell time I had at your house.

[F]

I'm glad you enjoyed yourself.

[B]

Oh, I never had a better time alive, old pal. I'm looking forward to your next visit, Fred.

[F]

I hope it's soon.

[B]

Thanks, Johnny. I'd be lighted. Yes, I will, and bye. By the way, Fred, when you come, will you please bring back my towels? You know, it's a nuisance drying off with blotters.

[A]

Has anyone seen anything of Charlie Butterworth?

[B]

Oh, yes. He's still hot on the trail of his racehorse, Rasputin. He's even organized his own detective bureau.

[A]

Hey, what's up that racket?

[B]

Someone's breaking down the door. Why, it's Charlie Treatum. Rough Butterworth. Charlie, what's the idea of breaking down the door? It was open.

[F]

I know, but it's good practice.

[A]

Say, Charlie, where'd you get the police motorcycle? Side car?

[F]

Oh, the chief lent it to my partner to help track down Rasputin.

[B]

Your partner? You mean you've taken on an assistant?

[F]

Yes. Haven't you met him? Operator X, meet Fred as.

[E]

Should I slap the cucks on him?

[F]

No, not yet.

[B]

Operator X. Charlie, what's that funny hissing.

[A]

Noise in the sidecar?

[F]

That's our roaster. Roaster? Sure. When things are dull, we sell peanuts.

[A]

Supposing you do capture the thief, Charlie, What'll you do?

[F]

Oh, I'll throw him in my own police station.

[A]

You have a police station of your own?

[B]

I saw it, Ken. Charlie took me through it.

[A]

Any good?

[B]

Good? It's sensational. Why? Why, Ken, Charlie's police station is so swanky, they shoot the rogues. Gallery pictures in Technicolor.

[F]

Yes, but only on bank nights. Fred.

[B]

Charlie, your assistant here doesn't look any too honest. Are you sure you can trust him?

[F]

Certainly, Fred. He has only one bad habit.

[B]

What's that?

[F]

He's a kleptomaniac. I'd advise you to place your watch in a safe place.

[B]

Thanks for the tip, Charlie. Why, my watch is.

[F]

Operator X, did you take Fred's watch? How could I?

[B]

I had my hands full of musical instruments.

[F]

Come now, Operator X, let's not quibble. Give the watch back to Mr. Astaire.

[B]

All right. Here it is. I hope it still runs. Well, you'll find it runs much better without the jewels. They slow up the movement.

[A]

Say, Charlie, here's a clue. We've just received an Anonymous note that a horse was seen at Francia White's house.

[B]

All right, Ken. We'll all go over and pay her a visit right after the next number. Johnny, give the boys a down beat.

[A]

They can't play, Fred. Someone stole their instruments.

[F]

Operator, Shell out.

[B]

Oh, all right.

[F]

You Forgot the flute. 1, 2.

[B]

Button your shoes, put on your coat and hat I play a game like that While I'm waiting for you Three, four, Open the door, hurry for heaven's sake. I count each step you take While I'm waiting for you 5, my heart does tricks as I picture all your charms 7, 8, you're at the gate and you walk into my arms 9, 10, kiss me again Tell me you get a drill Just as I hope you will While I'm waiting for you 9, 6. My heart just tricks as I picture all your charms 7, 8, you're at the gate and you walk into my arms I'm.

[D]

10.

[B]

Kiss me again Tell me you get a thrill and I hope you will While I'm waiting for you I'm waiting.

[D]

For you.

[B]

This looks like Francie White's house, Charlie.

[G]

Well, Fred is there and Charlie Butterworth. What a surprise. Come on in.

[F]

We heard that Rasputin was here, Francia, and we came over to look.

[B]

Isn't this the house that used to belong to Ted Herman, the producer?

[E]

Yes, Fred, Ted Herman.

[F]

They tell a very long unfunny story about that fellow. Would you not care to hear it?

[B]

No, thanks. Charlie.

[G]

Charlie, if you don't mind, will you use some other chair? That one's an antique.

[F]

What's an antique?

[G]

Oh, an old, old piece of that goes back to a period or person.

[F]

Oh, we have one in our house, too.

[B]

I didn't know you were a collector, Charlie. What period or person?

[F]

Well, after a 30 day period, it goes back to Berman, the furniture man.

[G]

Oh, by the way, are you hungry? Would you care for a sandwich?

[B]

Don't mind if we do. Say, these are good.

[F]

I should say they are. Did you slice the meat yourself, Francis?

[G]

Yes.

[E]

Hmm.

[F]

You almost missed it. Oh, you're laughing, eh? Can laugh, Fred. They laughed at Edison, too. They laugh at all as creative geniuses.

[B]

Creative geniuses. I suppose you're a chemist or something?

[F]

Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. They laughed when I started to make tnt, but when I dropped it, they exploded. Pardon me, but that's too funny. Pardon me, but that's too funny.

[B]

And now as we leave Branch of White's house, she makes our trip back to the studio memorable by singing that bright and Unusual soprano solo from Jerry Kern's score for I Dream Too Much. Jockey on the Carousel.

[G]

Story about the little jockey on a carousel it is a story that my mama used to tell When I would cry it was my lullaby.

[D]

And tell we are all in glad head we gladly cry for a year if only to hear the story that your mama used to tell and we will cry until you tell us what we tell now what about the jockey on the carousel?

[G]

He was not happy, Miss. Who hit her? Prosper was a dancer Beautiful and very, very proud she wasn't dainty as a fluffy little cloud her smile just so pointed to the crowd of cold Though the jockey beat by his horse and rode away he could not reach his look he never saw her face if.

[C]

She resembled you I'd be a jockey.

[D]

Too.

[G]

He was such a poor little lad his pony was exhausted From a chase that never got them any bl.

[C]

Ma. If I may continue.

[B]

This jockey wanted to bring his dancer a ring and reaching for it suddenly he fell and as he fell he.

[C]

Kissed a slipper in farewell he died for love this jockey on the carousel and that's a story that your mama.

[D]

Used to tell his sad but true.

[G]

His poor heart broke now our ride.

[D]

Is ending it's.

[B]

Time again for another galvanizing performance by our own man of a thousand rolls.

[E]

It seems that a certain Mr. Grange.

[B]

In a local hamlet had all his lights go out a few minutes ago. He phoned the Amalgamated Electric Company. And they, finding all their competent repairmen out on calls, had to send an apprentice. We find him now knocking on the Grange's door. Charlie Short circuit Butterworth.

[E]

That must be the Amalgamated man now. Come in.

[F]

Pardon me, mister, but your lights are out.

[E]

Yeah, that's why we sent for an electrician.

[F]

Well, you got your all Amalgamated Service.

[E]

Well, that's fine. I've got some friends here and we've been having a little party. And the lights going out, well, sort of spoiled everything.

[F]

I see. Now, before I go ahead, I've got to fill out a little report. That won't take a second.

[E]

Right.

[F]

The name, please? George Grange. Grange? Any relation to Red Grange, the football player?

[E]

No, I'm not.

[F]

That's funny. You don't even look like him.

[E]

As a matter of fact, I don't even know him.

[F]

Well, I guess that accounts for it.

[E]

There are thousands of families with the name of Grange in this country.

[F]

I didn't know that. Well, life is full of surprises, as I always say.

[E]

You always say?

[F]

Any objections? Well, I guess that takes care of the report. Now, what can I do for him?

[E]

Look, mister, I tried to tell you that I have some friends here. We're waiting for the lights to get fixed so we can resume our little party.

[F]

You've been living here long?

[E]

No, I just bought this house three months ago.

[F]

Say, that's a shame. If I'd known that, I could have saved you some money. Money?

[E]

What are you talking about?

[F]

I don't know what you paid for this place, but I know it's not worth it.

[E]

Hey, I mean, what are you talking.

[F]

Just the other day, a friend of mine wanted to sell a house on the other side of town. It was practically a steal.

[E]

Well, I wouldn't be interested.

[F]

It wouldn't do you any good. A family by the name of green bought it. J.T. green? He said his name was a grocery fella. Surprising how those grocery fellas managed to save enough out of their salaries to buy a home. I can't. Then again, I'm not in the grocery business. Well, I guess I better be going now.

[E]

But you just came in.

[F]

I had a nice time and all that. I'm. I'm not one to take advantage of hospitality.

[E]

But listen, mister, you came here to fix our lights. Aren't you an electrician?

[F]

No. There's no reason for you getting insulting, Mister. What's wrong with your lights?

[E]

They're out. It's dark. I can't see.

[F]

Of course you can't see. Even I as an electrician know that.

[E]

Look, mister, you're an electrician. The Amalgamated Company sent you here to fix the lights. I have a party. Our friends are sitting around in the dark. Won't you please do something?

[F]

Well, it's a little out of my line, but I'll try.

[C]

Oh, Bojangles of Harold.

[E]

Just a minute, just a minute.

[F]

Let's have a little professional courtesy here. Oh, Bojangles.

[E]

Listen, mister, will you please do something about my life?

[F]

Hot stuff. If you'll wait till I finish my song, please. Oh, that old Bojang.

[B]

Why can't you sing after the lights are fixed?

[F]

Why take chances? Let's throw those long legs away.

[B]

There.

[F]

How'd you like that, folks? Thank you. Now, let's see. What was I going to say?

[E]

How about the lights?

[F]

Oh, your lights. That's right. Say, where's your fuse box?

[E]

Fuse box? I'm afraid I don't know.

[F]

That's the trouble. The way they're building houses nowadays, a lot of people can't find their fuse boxes. I know a fellow who lived in the house for 30 years. He couldn't find his fuse box.

[E]

Is that so?

[F]

Yes, he lived in the gas house. Little joke of mine. I always tell it to subscribers.

[E]

Very funny.

[F]

Come, come now. It wasn't that funny.

[B]

Do you have an electric stove?

[E]

Yes, I do.

[F]

Do you have a refrigerator?

[E]

Yes, I do.

[F]

And you have an electric washing machine?

[E]

Yes, I do.

[F]

They got you for all of them.

[B]

Will you please do something?

[E]

Will you please do something about my lights?

[F]

Yes, I'll fix your lights. Let's go into the kitchen.

[E]

All right. Follow me. Wait till I strike. A mess. This is the kitchen.

[F]

Hey, it's dark in here too, isn't it?

[E]

You're quite observant.

[F]

You got a couple steel knives handy.

[E]

Yeah. Just a moment. Here you are.

[F]

Now, you hold them. Just stick them in that plug there. We'll see if we can't make a contact.

[E]

Take them into the plug. Won't I get a shock?

[F]

Please do as you told. It's all amalgamated service.

[E]

All right, if you say so.

[F]

Oh, hey, that connection's all right.

[E]

Thought you said I wouldn't get a shock.

[F]

Well, I can be wrong. Let's try the refrigerator.

[E]

It's right there beside you.

[F]

Yes, I see it. Now let's look inside here. Pretty nice cheese you have here. What's this I see?

[B]

Celery.

[F]

Eh?

[E]

Celery.

[F]

But you know, this storm has caused quite a lot of trouble in this town. And again, trouble makes God.

[E]

Now listen, you. I'm getting sick and tired of this.

[F]

Yes, and I'm getting sick and tired of you. And your celery's not too hot either.

[B]

What are you talking about?

[F]

Well, ever since I entered this house, you've been picking on me. You're no gentleman. Well, you make me so mad I could kick.

[E]

Hey, say, I kicked the fuse box. Yeah, and the lights are working.

[F]

Oh, it's probably just a loose plug. Well, glad to have been somehow all amalgamated service.

[A]

And now a little early American history as it might be if it were rewritten by a swing fan.

[D]

1492. We know what these days must mean to you. You learn defining history in the days when sophistication Justin history of your abc. But now history's inventor's predecessor Fred discovered Nevada about this and Nevada and his discovery is a twin show earned him the title of history. Twin show? No predna. Let Columbus shine you had in your twin.

[B]

Well, I didn't mean to teach tonight, but if you assist Mr. Christop. Columbus sailed the seas without a compass. When his men began a rumpus up spoke Christopher Columbus There is land somewhere until we get there we will not go wrong if we sing swing us song since the world is round we'll be safe and sound Til our goal is found we'll just keep rhythm bound.

[D]

The crew would make you merry.

[B]

Let'S drink to Isabelle Ring the rum home no more mute What a time at me whiskey Fl. Maxine. Chrissy made history. A nice Italian gentleman like John Perona.

[D]

He used prism for a trumpet Swing.

[B]

It there and color on a slide of he's an or from the navigation.

[D]

White oak Christmas Columbus with the red.

[B]

Out of swing he wasn't in a.

[F]

Set.

[D]

On board the ship there's mutiny. The crew should have close scrutiny. But Chris didn't bother the littlest particle he put the riot down the smooth old article and just listen how he does it.

[A]

Starring Fred Astaire with Johnny Green's music. Charlie Butterworth, Francia White, Conrad Tebow and Trudy Wood. Continues immediately after your session announcement.

[F]

Pardon me a minute, Ken. They just brought a murder suspect in here. I have to take him in the other room and grill him.

[A]

Well, but do you know how? Charlie? Have you ever had any practice?

[F]

Have I? I've got a prize for grilling.

[A]

A prize for grilling criminals?

[F]

No steaks. It's the same principle though, Ken. Make them fry, I always say. I think this fellow might have something to do with Rasputin too. Come along, you. We're going into the other room and have a little talk. Now, step by step.

[A]

You are listening to KFI Los Angeles. Earl C. Anthony, Incorporated, California distributor of Packard Motor Cars. Our program continues. Oh, there you are, Charlie. Chief, the way you look, you must have had a tough time grilling that fellow. Do you have any luck?

[F]

Well, yes or no?

[A]

Couldn't get a thing out of him, eh?

[F]

Oh, he confessed all right, but I couldn't make him say he was sorry.

[A]

Charlie, I just had a hot tip. Someone said there'd been a lot of horseplay going on at Johnny Green's house.

[F]

All right, Operator X, let's go right to the scene of action. That is right after you play your next number.

[A]

Johnny Green and his Pocket Orchestra open the second half of the packet hour starring Fred Astaire playing Love is a Dancing Thing.

[F]

Nice place you got here, Johnny.

[B]

Oh, just my digs. A little pier a terre.

[F]

You seem to have more antiques than Francie White. Pardon me for being rude, Johnny, but I think this is a horrible looking picture here.

[B]

Then move over, Charlie. You're standing in front of a mirror. Well, what have you got in that? Worm eaten Cabinet there, John. A lot of very historical pieces.

[F]

Do you mind if I peek inside?

[B]

But why, Charlie? There's nothing in there but some old relics of a lost race.

[F]

That's just it. I might find Rasputin there. Wait for it, brother.

[B]

You have some very interesting things here, John.

[F]

Yes, I've been admiring that pretty statue over there by the door.

[B]

Well, leave it alone, Charlie. That's our new maid. You should have told him sooner, Johnny. I just saw him scratch a match on her.

[A]

Make yourselves at home, boys.

[B]

I'll be right back. Look at this beautiful vase, Charlie. It's been in Johnny's family for years.

[F]

Let me see it, Fred. My, but it's heavy.

[B]

It's very valuable. It's been handed down from generation to generation.

[F]

That's too bad. This generation just dropped it. Oh, there's the doorbell. That must be very old too.

[G]

Hello, Johnny. Hi, everybody.

[F]

Hello, Trudy Wood.

[G]

Oh, Johnny, what an adorable house. And what interesting antiques. How old is this Egyptian mummy here?

[F]

Trudy, That's Charlie Butterworth.

[G]

Oh, I'm sorry, Charlie.

[F]

Oh, that's all right, Trudy. I'm getting used to it. I was standing in an antique shop yesterday and a woman walked up and bought me.

[B]

A woman walked up and bought you?

[F]

Yeah, she said to the clerk, I'll take these old fossil remains here.

[B]

Charlie, did you say anything?

[F]

Yes, I said, pardon me, madam, but I'm not a fossil and I'm not remaining. She says, why, it's wonderful. It talks too.

[B]

Getting away from antiques for a moment. Here we are again with another new tune from the swell score of the University of Pennsylvania's Mask and Wig Show. This mad world hardly needs an introduction. Having already reached a high position in the popular song list. An Apple a Day is the title in our setting. Tonight, Trudy Wood and I will try to portray our usual more or less goofy characters. We find us sitting before an open fire after a day of outdoor sports in the moun.

[G]

D. Mike, you're not gonna put another log on, are you?

[B]

Yes, just a minute. There. How's that?

[G]

It's already as hot as a Turkish bath.

[B]

Well, it's pretty chilly. And, gee, you better take care of yourself, you know. Here, put this rug about you.

[G]

But I'm already smothering.

[B]

Say, who's doing this? You gotta be careful, you know, I think I feel a draft.

[G]

See, Mike, I've been all right for 21 years.

[B]

All right? That's all right. You never can tell. Look what happened to my Aunt Nellie. She was 91 years old and she sat in a draft one day and caught an awful cold.

[G]

Oh, did she die?

[B]

No, but. But she had to give up smoking for three weeks. That just goes to show you that you can't be too careful, you know.

[G]

But why this sudden solicitude, Mike?

[B]

Oh, I wouldn't want anything to happen to you, babe.

[D]

Oh, no.

[B]

There are some things you could do without much sacrifice.

[G]

Is it because you love me that you give me this advice?

[B]

Ain't because I hate you, sister. An apple a day keeps doctors away. So easy Keep health, but soon you belong to me.

[G]

I ought to have fun.

[B]

Stay out in the sun, you need it. Get vitamin D for soon you will be with me.

[G]

I wear a slicker when it's raining so I won't catch cold.

[B]

Not that I would be complaining when you're mine too whole can't wait.

[G]

Lie meal and count on a pill to cure me.

[B]

An apple a day keeps doctors away, so eat it.

[C]

An apple a day will help you.

[B]

To stay in love.

[G]

Say, young fella, you look kind of yellow yourself today. Something tells me you need a red. And while I hate to be a pet. What goes for me should go for you. So may I give out with my never say.

[B]

Indeed you may. And right away.

[G]

An air for the day keeps doctors away. So we did.

[B]

I'll keep well and strong for I belong to you.

[G]

Have plenty of fun. Stay out in the sun, you need it.

[B]

Get vitamin D for soon you will be with me.

[G]

Wear a slicker when it's raining so you won't catch cold.

[B]

You'll have no cause for complaining. When your mind's too old.

[G]

Don't wait till you're ill and count on until you.

[B]

An apple a day keeps doctors away, so eat it. An apple a day will help you.

[D]

To stay in war.

[A]

I've seen now changes to a downtown office in New York. Her you went straight to headquarters and asked the man who owns one.

[D]

Yes, yes, John, yes.

[F]

Hey, Johnny, I hope you don't mind, but while Fred was selling apples, Conrad Tebow and I were out in your kitchen admiring the rest of Johnny's antiques. New paragraph. Don't be ridiculous. Don't be ridiculous.

[B]

Charlie, what kind of antiques is Johnny got in his kitchen?

[F]

Oh, sandwiches and cake.

[G]

I hope you don't mind, Johnny, but I've been snooping around your house too.

[B]

Are Johnny's antiques as interesting as yours, Franca?

[G]

Well, the most valuable thing he has from a collector standpoint is that old fashioned plug in his Roman bathtub.

[F]

An old fashioned plug? It wasn't Rasputin, was it?

[G]

And what an adorable old lace handkerchief.

[B]

I'm glad you like it, Francia.

[F]

I just bought it yesterday.

[B]

It's a handkerchief that was used in by William Penn.

[F]

Well, well. The original pen wiper. I like that painting up there on the wall, Johnny.

[B]

Thank you, Conrad. That's an old master.

[F]

And who is the one next to it? The old Mrs. That painting of the.

[B]

Old gentleman is very realistic. Don't you think, Charlie?

[F]

Not that, Fred. I've got a picture of my grandfather. It's so realistic we have to shave it every morning.

[B]

Haven't you had your picture painted yet, Charlie?

[F]

No, but they're doing a statue of me on the Paramount lot. A bust? Yes. It's not so good.

[A]

Johnny, did you say this porcelain jug was antique?

[B]

Why, yes, Connie.

[F]

You sure? Oh, yes. That was brought back from an old.

[B]

Chinese monastery by two famous explorers.

[F]

Oh, yes, I see they've autographed it too. Sears and Roebuck.

[B]

From the motion picture the Gay Desperado. Conrad Thibault has selected the world as mine for a solo tonight. Ready, Connie?

[F]

Yes.

[C]

The world is mine tonight. And mine. Each silver star that shines above in the blue. This power of a heart's delight. The world is mine. And every flower that blossoms anew. You're mine and mine alone. Two lips that speak of love. And two eyes that are bright. So in my heart I know. Oh, this world divine. Is mine. To night. Night of love. When your mind by the right of love. Night of love. In this world of our own. Dream of love. Though I find you. Go with the dawn pur. Until the stars have flown. The world is mine tonight. And mine. Each silver star that shines above in the blue. The Thor of a horror. But still I. The world is mine. And every flower that blossoms anew. You are mine and mine alone. To lip that peak of love. And wide set up in my heart I know. This world divine. Is mine.

[B]

12 counting.

[D]

Grand scoop.

[F]

Weather report.

[B]

For the first time in history, there's ice skating in Hollywood. The Packard Current Events Department takes you to a neighborhood pond which is frozen over. And where Charlie Butterworth has gone with a friend of his to enjoy a little skating. P.S. the friend can skate.

[F]

Say, the old pond is sure frozen over sour, isn't it?

[E]

Yes, sir. Hey, why did you ask me to put your skates on for you? Are you sure you've skated before?

[F]

Skated before? Why, when I was young, my mother used to make cookie dough. Lay it out on the ice and I'd skate the Cookies out as pretty as you please. They used to call me old cookie cutter.

[E]

Well, that's quite a trick there. Are the skates on tight enough?

[F]

Yes. Say, did you ever get your lights fixed?

[E]

No, but you sure fixed up my celery.

[F]

Something wrong about these skates? To get back to the script.

[E]

What's that?

[F]

The little wheels are missing.

[E]

Oh, you're kidding. Come on now, show me how you figure skate.

[F]

Okay. Like this. Slowly lifting the right foot with the balance well on the left, you glide gracefully out on the rink and.

[E]

What's the matter? Can't you stand up?

[F]

Oh, I suppose I'll be able to get up eventually.

[B]

So you were a wizard.

[E]

I ice skating, huh? Come on now, tell the truth. Did you ever have a skate on before?

[F]

I did pretty well, New Year's Eve.

[E]

You told me you used to cut a perfect figure eight.

[F]

I did, and here's how. Now, gathering speed, I get out on the outer edge of my skate and whirl like this. One, two, three, four. See? I cut out a perfect figure eight.

[E]

Say, that's wonderful. Now let's see you try it on the ice.

[F]

All right, Here we go.

[D]

1, 2, 3, 4.

[E]

That's a fine figure eight. Looks more like X marked the spot.

[F]

See, I was multiplying.

[E]

You know, just. Just watching you gives me a headache.

[F]

Just the opposite, wouldn't he?

[E]

Come on now, skate around with me now.

[F]

No, thanks. I think I'll sit this one out. Oh.

[E]

Oh, come on, be a sport. Here, take my arm.

[F]

Look, I'm on my feet again.

[E]

Those aren't your feet, they're mine.

[F]

No wonder they don't hurt me. Well, here we go.

[E]

Hey, let go of me. Look what we're headed for. Can't you see that flag?

[F]

Pretty, isn't it? What's it doing out there?

[E]

What means Danger. Hey. Hey, let go of me. We're headed right forward. We'll both fall in and be drowned.

[B]

Look out.

[F]

Boy, what a narrow escape I almost fell in with. Well, I'll have to be getting back to town now.

[B]

So long. Help.

[D]

Help.

[G]

I can't swim.

[B]

So long.

[G]

Help.

[B]

Help.

[F]

Keep quiet, will you?

[G]

But I can't swim.

[C]

I can't swim either, but I don't go around hollering.

[B]

This is the spot in the program where Johnny Green gives us his one man impersonation of a windmill. Leading the orchestra, playing the piano, cueing the ensemble and waving to his mother all at the same time. He now brings his own utterly dizzy making dazzling version of Gone Dazzle John.

[C]

Gone like the Wind, you are gone Just the dream lingers on for my.

[D]

Loved one has gone, has gone now.

[C]

You'Re gone like the rose roses in.

[B]

June.

[C]

Like a beautiful tune that has.

[B]

Handed to soul.

[G]

It seems a moment ago we met did you forget one fleeting moment of love that brings only.

[D]

Me today because you're gone Love like my heart you are love there's no hope in the dark for my loved one is gone. Sa.

[A]

On the answers you receive. Last night after dress rehearsal, the cast was invited to a party in Santa Monica Canyon for a little relaxation. Fred, who was driving the car, took the wrong road. Two tires blew out, a thunderstorm came up and the joyous party had to hunt shelter. At the nearest house was a gloomy looking place with all ghostly fixtures. Flapping shutters, screens in the dark, hooting owls and eerie sounds. The rain soaked group hesitated and then knocked on the door.

[E]

Come in and join our party.

[B]

Oh, thanks. We. We just had a blowout.

[D]

A blowout?

[E]

Wonderful.

[G]

De Ken, I'm scared. He doesn't look real.

[F]

It's all right, Trudy.

[A]

He seems friendly enough.

[E]

I want you to meet my friend. I'm the host spook here. And all these other spooks and ghosts are my guests. Everybody, meet Fred Astaire, Charlie Butterworth, Ken Carpenter and Trudy Wood of the Packard program.

[B]

Hello. But. But how. How did you know our name? I know everything. Besides, I catch your show every Tuesday.

[F]

Pardon me, but have you your new 1937 haunting license?

[B]

I'll laugh about it there.

[F]

Hello. Who are you?

[B]

No, I'm a spoke too. I spoke with a dialect. What's your name? Ginsburg. Thank you. Same as Wood. You like to catch up a little? Dance with me?

[G]

Thanks. God must too.

[B]

Splendid.

[G]

Splendid.

[E]

Splendid.

[D]

Strike up the music and let's hoop it up.

[B]

Galloping.

[F]

This is a nice Mary. Here's where I wake up. Wait, Charlie.

[B]

Listen. There's an old deserted mansion on an old forgotten grove where the better ghosts and goblins always hang out. And one night they threw a party in the manor a la mode. And they cordially invited all the gang out at the dark bewitching hour when the fun was loud and hearty. A notorious wallflower became the life of the. The spooks were having the midnight swing. The merry making was in full swing. They shrieked themselves into a fearful plan. When the skeleton in the closet started to dance A goblin giggled between this flee A shout rang out from the big banshee. Amazement was in every ghostly glance. When the skeleton in the closet started to dance all the witches were in sits while the steps made rhythmic thumps. And they nearly dropped their broomsticks when he tried to do the bump. You never heard such unearthly laughter or such hilarious groan. When the skeleton in the closet rattled his bone.

[D]

Do you know what was it there? Must have killed none of the closet, you know. Well, it's nothing more like an ordinary tr. Sam. Our test is to be a sample of this reciting routine. Sam.

[A]

Another packet hour comes to a close as Johnny Green opens the door to next week's show and gives you a glimpse of one of Fred Astaire's featured musical numbers. He Ain't Got Rhythm from on the Avenue. Tune in next Tuesday for new songs and dances by Fred Astaire. The comedy of Charlie Butterworth, the music of Johnny Green's Orchestra. And the singing of Franchise White, Conrad Thiebo and Trudy Wood. And now, of course, Platin Entertainment gathered for your pleasure by packers. In the meantime, ask the man who owns one. Before we sign off, the Packard Motor Car Company wishes to remind you again to contribute at once to the American Red Cross for the relief of Blood Sufferers. Heard on tonight's program where with plenty of money and you. From gold diggers of 1937. One, two, button your shoe and Skeleton in a Closet. From Pennies from Heaven. Love is a dancing Thing From At Home Abroad and gone from Love on the Run. This program came to you from the NBC studios in Hollywood.

[B]

This is the Red Network of the National Broadcasting Company.