Harold's Old Time Radio — "People are Funny": Woman Told to Be Bad Dept Store Customer, Husband Told to Be Detective

Date: December 4, 2025
Host: Art Linkletter
Featured Contestants: Mrs. Mary Esther Lindsay & Dr. Lindsay, Mr. & Mrs. Cannon, Raymond Wiles

Overview

This episode of "People are Funny" dives into psychological pranks and social experiments, capturing the quirky, unpredictable behavior of everyday people. Art Linkletter orchestrates elaborate public challenges, aiming to prove: people really are funny—whether tempted into mischief, embarrassed on stage, or unwittingly caught up in convoluted schemes involving family members and store detectives.

Segment 1: The Department Store Triple Cross

Mrs. Lindsay Must Be a Difficult Customer; Her Husband Becomes a "Detective"

[01:00–05:54, 19:29–23:44]

• Stunt Introduction:
  Art Linkletter introduces Mrs. Mary Esther Lindsay, whose challenge is to act as an irascible, demanding customer at the Broadway Hollywood department store. She is instructed to request outlandish items (like "two left-handed orange gloves," [02:14]) and to "chisel" prices, all while maintaining a convincing act.

  • Quote:
    “See if you can be a real bad irascible customer and see if you can make them lose their tempers…” — Art Linkletter [01:38]

• Rules:
  She must not reveal she's on "People are Funny" and is accompanied to the store by Irv Atkins.

• Twist #1:
  After Mrs. Lindsay departs, her unsuspecting husband is called on stage. He’s told he must act as a private detective hired to "catch a kleptomaniac"—and the target is his wife.

  • Quote:
    “Tell him you’re a private detective hired by a wealthy Southern California family, among whom is numbered a kleptomaniac.” — Art Linkletter [04:14]

• Surprise Setup - Twist #2:
  Unknown to both Lindsays, the show staff has slipped a compact and new gloves (with a price tag) into Mrs. Lindsay’s purse before she left, intending even further confusion ([06:00-06:18]).

• Climax & De-brief:
  At the show’s close, Mrs. Lindsay recounts her experience:

  • She made strange demands (“orange and black striped gloves,” [20:33]), causing one clerk to cry and another to freeze in disbelief.
  • Then a "detective" confronts her, accuses her of theft, and finds the planted items in her purse ([21:13]).
    • Quote:
      “And there was a compact, a gold [compact] I’d never seen in my life.” — Mrs. Lindsay [21:13]
  • She insists on her innocence, speculates someone sneaked the items in, and gives out her personal information to store staff ([21:43]),
    • Quote: “The only thing I can think of is that I laid my purse on the counter and… someone just put them in…” — Mrs. Lindsay [22:21]
  • The punchline: Her own husband, at the show's behest, was the one who fingered her to the store staff ([22:41]).
    • Quote:
      “I’d like to have you turn around and see the guy who did it… Your husband. He’s the guy who did it.” — Art Linkletter [22:41]
    • Mrs. Lindsay’s game response: “I probably use a little jiu jitsu.” [22:33]

• Prize:
  For her ordeal and good spirit, Mrs. Lindsay receives a large home freezer ([23:27]).

Segment 2: The Newlywed Wardrobe Swap

Mr. and Mrs. George Cannon from Fairbanks, Alaska

[06:18–12:40]

• Setup:
  Mrs. Cannon earns additions to her wardrobe with each correct quiz answer—each time, her husband loses a piece of clothing!

  • Quote:
    “Every time we add to her wardrobe, we subtract from yours.” — Art Linkletter [07:21]

• Key Questions:

  • Address in Fairbanks — Mrs. Cannon wins shoes, Mr. Cannon loses his shoes ([07:39]).
  • “Do you know who is the second assistant secretary of the Navy?”
    She answers “I don’t know”, which is correct given the sneaky phrasing. She wins a cashmere sweater, he loses his coat ([08:21]).
  • Train track riddle — She correctly says rails are the same width, wins a blouse, and Mr. Cannon loses his shirt ([09:05]).
  • Capital of Illinois — She answers “Chicago”; it’s Springfield. Husband keeps his pants ([10:18]).
  • Next: If she answers about the first US President, she wins a $60 dress but he loses his pants. She dodges the answer—and the embarrassment.
    • Quote:
      “This was really a test to see whether or not you would, for a prize, let your husband be this embarrassed.” — Art Linkletter [12:12]

• Resolution:
  Art Linkletter rewards Mrs. Cannon’s modesty and spares her husband’s dignity, surprising the couple with a gas range for their home ([12:40]).

Segment 3: The Pickpocket Public Opinion Test

Raymond Wiles and the Psychology of Bystanders

[13:33–19:29]

• Setup:
  Raymond Wiles, a Ford salesman, claims he would have a pickpocket arrested if caught in the act. Art proposes an experiment to determine if most people would do the same.

• Public Test:
  A staged pickpocketing occurs in the studio patio via hidden microphones. Observers react:

  • Several witnesses urge leniency, voicing sympathy for the “thief” ([17:14]).
    • Quote:
      “I don’t want to be inhuman. But, lady, you gave him a dollar. Let him go.” — Unnamed bystander [17:42]
  • Ultimately, most would not call the police, contrary to Ray’s expectation.

• Forfeiture & Consolation Prize: Because Ray guessed wrong, his coat pocket is filled with ice water as a playful punishment—a throwback to “an old fraternity trick.”
  Nevertheless, he is awarded a new automatic home dryer for his family ([18:52–19:01]).

Segment 4: Recap & Conclusion

[19:29–23:44]

• Segment Recap:
  Art recaps the triple-cross department store stunt, brings Mrs. Lindsay and her husband back out for laughs, and surprises Mrs. Lindsay with her prize.

Notable Quotes by Timestamp

• On the customer challenge:
  “See if you can be a real bad irascible customer… Demand them. You saw them there last week… ask for two left handed ones.” — Art Linkletter [01:38]

• On fairness in married life:
  “Every time we add to her wardrobe, we subtract from yours.” — Art Linkletter [07:21]

• On bystander psychology:
  “I don’t want to be inhuman. But, lady, you gave him a dollar. Let him go.” — Anonymous bystander [17:42]

• On the department store prank reveal:
  “I’d like to have you turn around and see the guy who did it… Your husband. He’s the guy who did it.” — Art Linkletter [22:41]

Memorable Moments

• Mrs. Lindsay causing a clerk to cry with her fake rudeness ([20:24])
• Audience laughter and tension as Mr. Cannon is almost left in his underwear ([09:24], [11:02])
• Public’s surprising leniency towards a (fake) pickpocket in the patio ([17:14])
• Mrs. Lindsay’s surprise at learning her husband “accused” her ([22:41])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Mrs. Lindsay's challenge introduced: [01:00–05:54]
• Triple-cross setup revealed: [06:00–06:18]
• Mrs. Lindsay recounts department store stunt: [19:29–23:44]
• The Cannons’ wardrobe quiz: [06:18–12:40]
• Raymond Wiles' pickpocket segment: [13:33–19:29]

Final Thoughts

This episode is a textbook example of Art Linkletter’s cheerful, mischievous style. The show peels back the layers of social psychology, marriage, and stranger interactions — all in the warm, communal setting of a classic Golden Age radio audience.

End of Summary