Philco Radio Hall of Fame 1943-12-26 - New Years Message

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Philco Radio Hall of Fame 1943-12-26 – New Year’s Message

Date: December 28, 2025
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio

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Overview:

This classic episode of the "Philco Radio Hall of Fame" (originally aired December 26, 1943) serves as a festive pre-New Year’s celebration in the tradition of Golden Age radio variety shows. The episode is a star-studded revue designed to bolster spirits and unity during wartime, featuring comedy, uplifting messages, operatic and popular music, and heartfelt wishes for victory and peace. The show rotates through a who’s-who of 1940s radio personalities, with memorable contributions from Fred Allen (with Portland Hoffa), Lou Holtz, opera star Lauritz Melchior, vocalist Helen Forrest, and a moving New Year’s message delivered by Raymond Edward Johnson, penned by Stephen Vincent Benet.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Show Introduction & Theme (00:42 – 06:11)

• Master of Ceremonies: Deems Taylor welcomes listeners, laying out the show’s intention: “You’d have the makings of quite a remarkable pre-New Year's party. Well, that's what we hope our broadcast turns out to be...”
• Assembles a cast crossing comedy, opera, Broadway, and popular music, reflecting unity and cultural richness.

2. Comedy with Lou Holtz (07:13 – 16:04)

• Lou Holtz regales the audience with rapid-fire anecdotes and stage routines, including:
  • A draft board joke about being classified “73F, a single man with furniture.”
  • The story of “Honeysuckle Epstein,” a Texan with a penchant for speeding and outwitting the police.
    • Funniest punchline: The cop says, “When you pulled away from me so fast I thought my motorcycle had stopped, so I got off to see what was wrong with it.” (10:30)
  • An Irish immigrant in Brooklyn mishearing streetcar stop names and misunderstanding American customs.
  • Sam Lapidus and the “saloon/salon” misunderstanding, illustrating Holtz’s signature use of character-driven humor and linguistic confusion.

3. Wartime Reflection from Philco (16:04 – 17:27)

• A somber note acknowledging Philco’s efforts in war production, with an eye to postwar benefits for peacetime society.
  • “But all this research and production for war creates new knowledge, new ideas, new skills...their ideas live and they will survive after victory to bring you newer and finer products under the famous Philco name...” (16:04)

4. Helen Forrest Performs “I Don’t Want to Walk Without You” (17:32 – 20:33)

• Noteworthy performance: Helen Forrest delivers one of her 1943 recordings, offering warmth and emotional relief amidst the gravity of wartime.

5. The New Year’s Message – “Toward the Future” (23:19 – 33:31)

Background:

• Originally meant for Orson Welles; illness resulted in Raymond Edward Johnson (known for “The Patriots”) standing in.

Content:

• A poetic, stirring segment written by Stephen Vincent Benet, delivered as a prayer and meditative address to the nation:
  • “God of the Free, we pledge our hearts and lives today to the cause of all free mankind. Grant us victory over the tyrant who would enslave all free men and nations...” (25:01)
  • A vision for enduring peace, brotherhood, and equality:
    • “Our earth...if we choose, a planet unvexed by war, untroubled by hunger or fear, undivided by senseless distinctions of race, color, or theory...” (25:42)
• Transition into the persona of an “impractical dreamer,” tracing humanity’s journey from prehistory through major moments in human rights, democracy, and the ongoing effort for freedom—a universal call for unity:
  • “I have dreamed many times…When I wrote ‘all men are created free and equal,’ few believed at first, but slowly many believed and many followed.” (29:09)
  • “My name is Freedom and my command today is: unite. Unite in brotherhood for a people’s victory. Unite, unite in brotherhood for a people’s peace.” (33:21)

6. Musical Interludes from Paul Whiteman and Lauritz Melchior (34:50 – 42:00)

• Whiteman delivers a medley from “The Desert Song,” tied to movie musical trends of the moment.
• Lauritz Melchior, famed tenor, performs a Scandinavian folk song, “The Great White Band,” infusing the episode with both worldliness and joy.

7. Fred Allen’s Return & Comedy with Portland Hoffa (47:09 – 57:49)

• Fred Allen, with signature wit, lampoons wartime train travel and housing shortages:
  • “You can’t even get a reservation on a crow, Deems.” (48:23)
  • “A little old lady had been living in an upper berth with her two daughters and a rubber plant for six months...” (49:10)
• Portland Hoffa joins, trading quips about the housing crisis on Christmas:
  • “Yes, a lot of families are living in chimneys.” (49:59)
  • “Even midgets are taking slot luck these days.” (50:31)
• The routine includes surreal jokes about families living in automats and Central Park.

8. Comic Bit: Fred Allen & Lauritz Melchior “Audition for Radio” (51:11 – 57:49)

• A playful meta-dialogue in which Melchior enlists Allen to help him break into “big money” radio crooning.
  • “Why, your tonsils weigh more than Sinatra.” (54:52, Fred Allen)
  • Satirical “Pasternak Personality Pretzels” spoof radio soap opera, lampooning sponsor-centric radio and Melchior's unlikely conversion to popular music stardom.

9. Satirical Soap Opera: “Life Can Be Melchior” (58:26 – 61:39)

• A send-up of melodramatic radio serials, tracing Melchior’s (fictionalized) rise and his “victory” as a sponsor’s singer (“Maestro, please…”). It’s loaded with in-jokes about show business and high culture colliding with mass media.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Deems Taylor: “If we could transport the members of our cast directly to your homes today in person, you'd have the makings of quite a remarkable pre-New Year's party.” (00:53)
• Lou Holtz: “They said, Lou, we have put you in 73 Fs. And I said, what is 73 F? And they said, a single man with furniture.” (08:08)
• Lou Holtz: “When you pulled away from me so fast I thought my motorcycle had stopped, so I got off to see what was wrong with it.” (10:30)
• Raymond Edward Johnson (as Jefferson): “Grant us that courage and foreseeing...that our children and our children's children may be proud of the name of a man.” (25:39)
• Raymond Edward Johnson: “My name is Freedom and my command today is unite. Unite in brotherhood for a people’s victory. Unite, unite in brotherhood for a people’s peace.” (33:21)
• Fred Allen: "You can't even get a reservation on a crow, Deems." (48:23)
• Fred Allen (to Melchior): "Why, your tonsils weigh more than Sinatra. Why, when he's on the air, you can't tell whether Sinatra is singing into the microphone or the microphone is giving Sinatra a transfusion." (54:52)
• Lauritz Melchior: "When I first went into opera, Madame Butterfly was only a caterpillar." (52:28)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Show Introduction, Cast Roll Call: 00:42 – 06:11
• Lou Holtz Comedy Routine: 07:13 – 16:04
• Philco Wartime Message: 16:04 – 17:27
• Helen Forrest Song: 17:32 – 20:33
• New Year’s Message (Benet/Johnson): 23:19 – 33:31
• Paul Whiteman "Desert Song" Medley: 34:50 – 39:16
• Lauritz Melchior's Performance: 39:16 – 42:00
• Fred Allen & Portland Hoffa Skit: 47:09 – 57:49
• Fred Allen & Melchior "Radio Audition" & Satirical Soap: 51:11 – 61:39

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Tone & Atmosphere

The tone is classic, warm, and occasionally wry—balancing lighthearted banter, musical excellence, pathos, and wartime hope. Even in jest, there is an undercurrent of unity, resilience, and optimism for a peacetime future.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

This episode is an evocative slice of 1940s American radio—moving from vaudeville humor and big-band warmth to poetic invocations for liberty and peace, capped with good-natured send-ups of the entertainment business itself. It’s a testament to radio’s once-central place in American culture, and a timely reminder of the enduring human hope for a better tomorrow.

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Transcript

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[Narrator/Announcer]

This is the Radio hall of Fame. The Radio hall of Fame is presented during the full hour ahead by the Filco Corporation. Makers today of electronic battle equipment for the fighting forces of the United Nations. Makers tomorrow of equipment for good. Living in a free world, united by victory. Cooperating with Philco are the editors and correspondents of Variety who report for the Bilco program all the news of all show business the world over every week. This week the editors of Variety recommend for your pleasure and Filco delights to honor in your name. From radio, Fred Allen with Portland Harper and the entire Allen Company. From opera, the celebrated metropolitan tenor Lawrence Melchior. From the Broadway stage, Lou Hodes, master storyteller and Raymond Edward Johnson substituting for Orson Welles to bring you a New Year's message written by Stephen Vincent Bennet. From the popular music field, Helen Forest conducting the hall of Fame Orchestra and Chorus, Paul Whiteman. Our master of ceremonies, the distinguished composer, critic and commentator, Deems Taylor. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is Deems Taylor speaking for Filco. You know, if we could transport the members of our cast directly to your homes today in person, you'd have the makings of quite a remarkable pre New Year's party. Well, that's what we hope that our broadcast turns out to be. With Fred Allen, Fortnite Hoffa and Lou Holtz taking care of laughter, Doritz Melchior and Helen Forrest attending to the song department and Raymond Edward Johnson lending a serious note to our year's end proceedings. Said proceedings open with a slightly daring piece of musical impertinence on the part of Paul Whiteman. Most New Year's parties end with old Lang Syne. Paul has chosen to make this traditional finale into a rousing overture beginning Paul at once.

[Lou Holtz]

It.

[Audience/Interjections]

Sam.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Speaking of old acquaintance, there's Lou Holtz. Lou is a producer now at Metro Golden Mayor. Before plunging Kane first into a 10 weeks shooting schedule on the new movie version of the Ziegfeld Follies. He's enjoying a busman's holiday at the Capitol Theater on Broadway. In other words, he's back at his old trade, making people laugh. For our New Year program, Filco has asked Lou to reach back into his inexhaustible bag of tricks for a couple or so of typical Holtz stories, including a continuation of the immortal saga of Sam Lapidus, a gentleman who surely belongs in the hall of Fame. Enter Lou Holtz.

[Lou Holtz]

Thank you. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. It is indeed a pleasure to be back here in New York. I've been away a year. The first thing I did, as soon as I got in town, I ran over to my draft board. First thing, they said, lou, we have put you in 73 Fs. And I said, what is 73 F? And they said, a single man with furniture. I've been traveling all over the country. I've been down south. I was down in Texas, I must tell you this. I met a chap in Texas, a Hebraic chap. And you've heard. You've heard a lot of act come out on the stage. They make up a lot of fictitious names for Hebraic gentlemen like DeWitt Clinton Finch or Thrott. Morton Abramowitz, Leilani Levine. There are no such people. But down in Texas, there's a guy. This is the end of all those names. This fellow's name is Honeysuckle Epstein. Honeysuckle has a mania for driving fast in an automobile. He's been arrested a score of times, he's been in jail. So finally got an idea. He got himself a car made that would go 175 miles an hour. The car was delivered to him. He got in the car and he went out on the road looking for cops. He sees a cop that's arrested a mate or nine times. He's shot by this cop 90 miles an hour. The cop on the motorcycle right after him. And when he got within about 15 yards of honeysuckle, he gave it a little more gas, you see, up to about 125. Now the cop has gone after him all his might. And when the cop got near him the second time, he gave a little more gas up to about 145. Now he's going a little too fast for the cop, so he slowed up a little bit. You see, he's monkeying around with the law. When the cop got near him the third time, he gave it all he had. 175 miles an hour down the road, he's gone. He's down the road eight or nine miles. Looks around, he's lost the cop. So he said, Now I'll turn around and give it to him on the way back. Comes back down the road. He's looking for the cop. He finds him underneath a tree. His nose is broken, he's bleeding, his motorcycle is wrecked. Well, he was a wreck. He looked like he'd been hit by a train. Honeysuckle stops the car, turns the cop. He says, son, what happened to you? What happened to you, boy?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, the cops did.

[Lou Holtz]

You know when I got near you that third time when you pulled away from me so fast I thought my motorcycle had stopped. So I got off to see what was wrong with it.

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[Narrator/Announcer]

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[Lou Holtz]

There's an Irishman, an Irishman who lives in Brooklyn. His name is Sullivan. Now this is an Irish story, a little out of my line, but say I'll try. I'll try. Mr. Sullivan lives in Brooklyn and he's in this country about four weeks. He's walking down the street, finds $245 in a purse on the sidewalk. He looks at it, he says, this is the most fantastic thing I've ever.

[Audience/Interjections]

Seen in my life. The most amazing thing is this bald in the sidewalk. Fantastic. The most fantastic thing I've ever heard of. What a land, what a lamb. He says it's fantastic.

[Lou Holtz]

He sees a streetcar. He gets on the street car for the first time. He's in the streetcar about five minutes. The car has gone about six blocks. And the conductor hollows out, Myrtle and a woman got off.

[Audience/Interjections]

He says, what a land. The most fantastic thing I've ever heard of in my life. It's fantastic. How does he know her name is a man?

[Lou Holtz]

You ride about five more blocks. The conductor hollows out. Marcy and another woman got off.

[Audience/Interjections]

He says, what an organization. Fantastic. The most fantastic.

[Lou Holtz]

They go about six more blocks. The conductor hollered out, Sullivan. He says, that's me. He gets off. He's walking up the street and a nice old lady walked up to him. She said, I beg your pardon, is this Sullivan? He says, it is. She said, I'm looking for 245. And he handed her the. I bumped into my old friend Sam Lapidus. Lapidus is walking down Park Avenue. He passes a very high tone place on Park Avenue. They call them salons. Salons. Plain saloon walks in for the first time, walks up. The bartender says, hi, Shorty. Hi, Alzheimer. Hi, Spunky. He says, I'll have a Hibel.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Is holler Hollet.

[Lou Holtz]

I think I'll take our cocktail. One cocktail. The bartender handed him a cocktail. He gave the bartender a dollar. He's sipping slowly, awaiting the change. No change is forthcoming. He says to the bartender, shorty, Shorty. He says, there's a difference between you and me for 35 cents. After all, he said, I'm not a Johnny Come lately. I'm one of the boyest. I'm a Yankee Doodle Boy, an Uptown boy, highly educated. NYU also. Holy Cross. Jesus, Kick in with it. 35, boy. Kick in there, boy. Bartender said, I'm very sorry. We charged a dollar for all drinks here. Peter said, for what reason? For what reason specified? The bartender said, you see that oil painting on the right? That's a Rembrandt worth $40,000. The one on the left is an old Gainsborough worth $60,000. The one in the middle is invaluable. Well, Peter said, I didn't know you had this kind of facilities. See you again. Comes in the next night. He says, I Spunky. The bartender handed him a cocktail. He put 65 cents on the bar, put his hands over his eyes. He says, I saw the pictures last night.

[Narrator/Announcer]

In speaking of the future and the rich legacy which war research and production will leave to the peacetime world. Filco is aware that without victory there can be no peace and no future for free men. So the only thing that the men and women of Filco are thinking of today in their laboratories at their desks and machines is the only thing that matters for us all. Winning the war At Filco, engineers, scientists and workers are devoting all their skill, their genius and the great mass production facilities to the weapons of war. Producing radios and vital electronic equipment for planes and tanks, artillery fuses and shells, storage batteries for vital military transport and war industry. But all this research and production for war creates new knowledge, new ideas, new skills. Men of science see their dreams bring to reality. No matter how much the product of their brains and labor may be destroyed in battle, their ideas live and they will survive after victory to bring you newer and finer products under the famous Filco name in radio, television, refrigeration and air conditioning.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Presenting for the hall of Fame's finest.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Laurel chapeau, Ms. Helen Forest.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

After serving an apprenticeship as a band.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Vocalist with Artie Shaw, Benny Goodman and.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Harry James, Helen stepped out on her own recently with an engagement at the.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Los Angeles or film. The local Variety correspondent caught her act reported in Ray Turns the headquarters. And so Ellen is with us today. She sings one of her biggest recording successes of 1943. I don't want to walk without you. Here's Helen Flores.

[Audience/Interjections]

All our friends keep knocking at the door they bust me off a hundred times or more but all I say is leave me in the room.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

And.

[Audience/Interjections]

Here I speak within my lonely room. Without my arm about you with you I thought the day you left me behind. I take a stroll and get you right off my mind but now I. I don't wanna walk without the sunshine. You have to turn off all that sunshine oh, Sam, dare you break my heart for me? Don't want to walk without you, no.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Say.

[Audience/Interjections]

I thought the day you left me behind. I take a stroll and get you right off my mind. But now I find it I don't wanna walk without the. You have to turn off all that concern. Baby, please come back or you break my heart for me. I don't wanna walk without you. No, serious.

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[Lou Holtz]

Honey, this is it.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Shot clock winding down, trailing by two.

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And neither can he? Don't take slow for an answer.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Shoots good.

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[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

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[Narrator/Announcer]

What went through your head on the last shot?

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[Fred Allen]

Turn to ply. See optimum.com for details.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

As the year draws toward its close in the sound and fury of global.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Roar, it is natural that our thoughts should turn toward the future.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

And if our thoughts on this last.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Sunday of the old year could be uttered in one huge national voice, it's certain, I think, that they would find expression in a prayer for victory and peace. To give words today to the unspoken New Year meditations of millions and millions of Americans, we had selected a distinguished actor and a great poet, the poet Stephen Vincent Benet, whose death in 1943 deprived the free world of one of its most eloquent pleaders for human rights. The actor was to have been Orson Welles. When we learned that illness would prevent Mr. Welles from appearing, we were fortunate enough to be able to engage in his place. A brilliant young actor, Raymond Edward Johnson, recently starred on Broadway in Sidney Kingsley's prize winning play, the Patriots. In the Patriots, Mr. Johnson played the role of Thomas Jefferson. Tonight he speaks as Jefferson might speak to Americans about to enter a third year of war. Raymond Edward Johnson, Then in Toward the Future, the combination of two celebrated radio works by Stephen Vincent Benet.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

God of the Free we pledge our hearts and lives today to the cause of all free mankind. Grant us victory over the tyrant who would ensue enslave all free men and nations. Grant us faith and understanding to cherish all those who fight for freedom as if they were our brother. Grant us brotherhood in hope and union, not only for the space of this bitter war, but for the days to come which shall and must unite all the children of Earth.

[Audience/Interjections]

Earth.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Our Earth, is but a small star in the great universe, yet of it we can make, if we choose a planet unvexed by war, untroubled by hunger or fear, undivided by senseless distinctions of race, color, or theory. Grant us that courage and foreseeing the to begin this task today, that our children and our children's children may be proud of the name of a man. The spirit of man has awakened, and the soul of man has gone forth. Grant us the wisdom and the vision to comprehend the greatness of man's spirit that suffers and endures so hugely for A goal beyond his own brace span. Grant us honor for our dead who died in the faith. Honor for our living who work and strive for the faith, redemption and security for all captive lands and peoples. Yet most of all, grant us brotherhood not only for this day, but for all our years. A brotherhood not of words, but of acts and deeds. We are, all of us children of Earth. Grant us that simple knowledge. If our brothers are oppressed and we are oppressed. If they hunger, we hunger. If their freedom is taken away, our freedom is not secure. Grant us a common faith that men shall know bread and peace, that we shall know justice and righteousness, freedom and security. An equal opportunity and an equal chance to do his best, not only in our own lands, but throughout the world. And in that faith, let us march toward the clean world our hands can make. This I ask in the name of all Americans everywhere.

[Fred Allen]

By what right?

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

By what right do you speak?

[Audience/Interjections]

Who are you?

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Yeah, who are you, mister? Sounds to me like a fool. An impractical dreamer.

[Narrator/Announcer]

That's what he is.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Maybe. Maybe he's a poet.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Impractical dreamer, I always say.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Impractical dreamer.

[Lou Holtz]

Listen, mister, what's your name?

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

I have been known by many names in many times and places I crawled out of the sea in the mud long ages ago and the gods of the thunder and lightning Looked at me and said that's a queer new fish he'll never last on land I hid in the forest, small and frightened the dinosaurs clanked around and said who's that impractical dreamer? We'll eat him alive he's got nothing but hands and a brain.

[Narrator/Announcer]

But they.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Left their bones in the rock and I lasted them out and went on I crept out of caves toward the sunlight and I built the free cities of Greece and the law that was Rome I gathered the wisdom of China and I sent a word crying through Palestine A word that cries through the centuries to all men and nations There is neither Jew nor Greek There is neither bond nor free but we are all brothers and that word goes on. I have dreamed many times I found a new world in small ships and none but the believers believed in me When I first dared that unknown West When I wrote all men are created free and equal Few believed at first, but slowly many believed and many followed. Jefferson. I shivered and prayed at Valley Forge and my prayer was answered when I stood at Gettysburg and spoke over the graves Few believed but the union lives and shall live and the government of the people by the people for the people shall not perish from the earth. Yes, I've been called many names. I spilt my blood in the streets of Paris and Athens and Moscow. I have grown as an oak grows from the roots of English law. I have been a preacher named Paul and a rail splitter named Abe Lincoln. I've been called madman and fool. But it's the brave and the sane who follow me first and always. Always first. There has been the dream and the men who are willing to die for it. I call forth the dream and the men. I call them forth from all nations when man stands up on his feet and looks his faith in the eyes. Only yesterday on Corregidor, my name was Bill Smith from Ohio and Jesus Maria Garcia was my brother's name. We had a rock to defend and we defended it. And the name of that rock is Liberty. And in that name I speak. For liberty can be lost by the practical man whose hearts are too shrunken to contain it. Liberty can be bartered away by the greedy minds who cannot see beyond their own day. Liberty can be stolen away by the robber and the brute. But liberty grows like grass in the hearts of the common people from the blood of their martyrs. And the tyrants rage and are gone. But the dream and the deed endure. And I endure. It is I who command men and win battles. I have called them forth in the past and I'm calling them forth today. I call the brave to the battle lines. I call them saying to the council. I call the three millions of earth to the century ahead, the century of the common man established by you the people for this world cannot endure. Half slave and half free. My name is freedom and my command today is unite. Unite in brotherhood for a people's victory. Unite. Unite in brotherhood for a people's peace.

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[T-Mobile Legal Disclaimer]

Savings versus Comparable Verizon plans plus the cost of optional benefits plan features and taxes and fees vary. Savings with three plus lines include third line free vehicle via monthly bill credits, credit stop if you cancel any lines. Qualifying credit required.

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[Narrator/Announcer]

And to ring up the second act curtain. Paul Whiteman provides a Paul esque, or should it be Pauline version of two melodies from the score of the Desert Song, recommended by Variety as the musical movie of the moment. The story is new, but the music has the same Romberg flair of old as witness Paul's desert Song medley.

[Lou Holtz]

Sa.

[Audience/Interjections]

Sam.

[Lou Holtz]

So we sing as we are riding.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Home that's the time you breath be hiding low your beats the ribs are.

[Fred Allen]

Afro.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Before you bitten the sword oh, that's the sound that comes to warm your soul oh, in the night or.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Early morning know if you're the red shadows Go. Greetings of the Season. What feelings do they convey for this holiday week of 1943 against the background of war, at a time when so many hearts are filled with anxiety? What is the meaning of this gesture of goodwill among men? Today we offer for each other the greetings of the season as an expression of our faith, courage and hope. It is a pledge of unity among free men. It is a symbol of our determination to work and to sacrifice that the ideals of peace on earth and goodwill toward men may not perish from the earth. In this spirit, the men and women of Filco Corporation who are helping to fight the battle of production look with confidence to the future and to the dawn of a brighter day for all mankind and for themselves as well as for Filco dealers everywhere, they send to their many friends in the far corners of the United States and Canada the greetings of the Season. Because of his shining career as a heroic tenor in the Wagnerian tradition, because of his lavishly given services in the war tasks of show business, and especially because he adds 6ft 4 inches and 300 pounds of natural gaiety to the New York scene. Variety nominates for the hall of Fame Lauritz Melchior, Large Lauritz and that small and lovely wife of his, the Kleinschen Maria, are taken together a constant indication that the world of good music is not of necessity a pompous stuffed shirt secret society. Consequently, they're beloved of all local men of goodwill. Lauritz, the Great Dane, sings for us a Scandinavian folk song arranged by Edvard Grieg entitled the great white band. Mr. Melchior.

[Audience/Interjections]

Sa.

[Fred Allen]

Lo.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Sa. All of which has led us by, we hope, agreeable stages to Fred Allen. And Fred is accompanied by Portland Hoffa together with the remarkable denizens of Allen's Alley, formerly known as the Mighty Allen Art Players.

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[Narrator/Announcer]

In the solemnly stated opinion of the editors of Variety, Fred Allen's recent return to the air is just about the most important news of the month radio period. If you missed Fred's opening show, you have our sympathy. And to make up for your loss, a condensed version now coming up to appropriate music. Enter Fred Allen.

[Fred Allen]

Thank you. Thank you and good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. A Deam's. I want to thank you for a nice, dull welcome. You should have honed my welcome, stropped it a little before I get out. I would. I would have expected something better from the Milton Berle of Carnegie hall deans. After all, do you realize that I have been away from. Been away from. Away from radio for quite some time?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, yes. Where have you been?

[Fred Allen]

Well, I could say I've been hiding, waiting for Pistol Pack and mama to blow over, but I haven't.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I've been out in Hollywood Dean's. Well, now, Fred, it didn't take you six months to get back from Hollywood, did it?

[Fred Allen]

Have you tried to get a reservation on a train lately?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, but even so, California's only 3,000 miles as the crow flies.

[Fred Allen]

You can't even get a reservation on a crow, Dean.

[Narrator/Announcer]

But why should it be so hard to get tickets on trains to California?

[Fred Allen]

Housing conditions. I'll explain to you. A man is going from New York to California he gives up his apartment in New York. He gets on a train. When he arrives at Los Angeles, the.

[Narrator/Announcer]

City is crowded, you see.

[Fred Allen]

He can't find an apartment. He can't get a room in a hotel. He gets back on the train and returns to New York. Well, by now the apartment he did have here has been rented. He can't find a place to live in New York. He gets on the train. And that's why it's impossible to buy a railroad ticket to California today. Deems thousands of people are living on train. Thank you very much. A commuter. Thank you very much.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, it must be homey.

[Fred Allen]

It is homey. Deems. I came back from California on the cheap. One little old lady named Levy had been living in an upper birth with her two daughters and a rubber plant for six months. Going and coming from Albuquerque.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Wasn't that a bit crowded?

[Fred Allen]

Well, it was crowded at first, but one of the daughters married a man named Schwartz who was living in the.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Lower berth under them, and.

[Fred Allen]

And the two families pooled their space. And now they're all very happy living in a section deems. And that's the way it goes. People are, well, Portland, even here. You're just in time, Portland. Deems and I are discussing in sort of a stilted way the housing shortage.

[Audience/Interjections]

Terrible. Some people didn't get any Christmas presents.

[Fred Allen]

This year on account of the housing shortage.

[Audience/Interjections]

Yes, a lot of families are living in chimneys.

[Fred Allen]

Well, that probably accounts for the flu epidemic.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

I would.

[Fred Allen]

Things are.

[Lou Holtz]

Things.

[Fred Allen]

It shows what people will stoop to for money, doesn't it? But things are sure congested.

[Audience/Interjections]

Mama put a nickel in a sandwich slot at the automat last night. Yes, the door flew open and a was sleeping in there.

[Fred Allen]

On white or ry bread. Yes, that shows. It's hard to find a place to sleep, Portland. Even midgets are taking slot luck these days. Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Something may come of that.

[Audience/Interjections]

My Uncle Phil is sleeping in Central Park.

[Fred Allen]

Isn't he cold these nights?

[Audience/Interjections]

No, he picked up an old Indian blanket.

[Fred Allen]

Well, is your Uncle Phil comfortable under the old Indian blanket?

[Audience/Interjections]

It's a little crowded. The old Indian is still in there.

[Fred Allen]

The ill Indian, huh? That fixes that up. The ill Indian. A new tribe has been developed. The ill Indian.

[Lou Holtz]

You know.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I beg your pardon, Fred, I hate to interrupt, but there's a friend of mine in the wings who's very anxious to meet you.

[Fred Allen]

Friend in the wings? Some angel in disguise.

[Narrator/Announcer]

You.

[Fred Allen]

Well, bring him in. A friend in the wings. Bring him in. Beams any friend of yours. I'M sure is a stranger to me. Who is this party?

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Loris Melior.

[Fred Allen]

Uhhuh.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Come on out.

[Fred Allen]

Loris. Dead. Mr. Melior, this is a pleasure. You know I always enjoy meeting people who are still in my former profession.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Fred, don't tell me you were singing singer.

[Fred Allen]

Why, I was the common Lombardo of my time, Mr. Melchior.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Where did you sing?

[Fred Allen]

Well, I sang my first solo in a church choir.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

What happened?

[Fred Allen]

200 people changed their religion. After a short talk with the minister, I gave up choir work and went into opera. For two solid seasons we played the Barber of Seville. Then bang Lauret, the electric razor came in and the Barber of Seville was through. But enough about little old e flat me. Mr. Melchior, what about you? You have been in opera many years, I know.

[Lou Holtz]

Yes.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

When I first went into opera, Madame Butterfly was only a caterpillar.

[Fred Allen]

You must have known Boris before he was good enough.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Fred, I'm not here to tell jokes. I came to talk to you.

[Fred Allen]

To talk to me? Of course, Mr. Melchior. What's on your mind?

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

I have a problem.

[Fred Allen]

You? Lawrence Melchior, the Metropolitan's greatest tenor? You have a problem?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

I want to quit opera and go into radio.

[Fred Allen]

Oh, Lawrence, you're kidding. What's wrong with opera?

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Long hair and short dog.

[Fred Allen]

Long hair and short dough.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I mean regularly paying us big money.

[Fred Allen]

What singer?

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Yesterday I written that some young boy in the radio is making $30,000 a week.

[Fred Allen]

30,000 a week?

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

$30,000 a week. And what does he sing? Won't you tell me when?

[Fred Allen]

Now look, look, look, Mr. Melchior.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Oh, fret. Make me another Sinatra.

[Fred Allen]

You, the great Melchior. Want a croon?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes.

[Fred Allen]

The maestro is jesting.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

The maestro is hungry.

[Fred Allen]

But Mr. Melchior, your opera audiences. Top hat, white tie and tails. You want to sing for sweatshirts and bobby socks?

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

$30,000 for.

[Fred Allen]

Now. Look, Mr. Melchior. Think of those phonograph records you make. Those beautiful big 12 inch records. You want to give those up to be on the other side of Spike Jones and a city slickers? Think, Mr. Melchior.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

$30,000 and all these things is worth your time.

[Lou Holtz]

Please.

[Fred Allen]

But who will take your place starring at the Metropolitan? Jessel is in Hollywood. Take a baritone's advice, Mr. Melior. You stick to opera.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

I'll try that Sinatra of the hit parade.

[Fred Allen]

But you're not the Sinatra type. You've got to be thin.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Think I'm too robust?

[Fred Allen]

Robust? Why? Your tonsils weigh more than Sinatra. Why, when he's on the air you can't tell whether Sinatra is singing into the microphone or the microphone is giving Sinatra a transfusion. Forget the. Forget the whole thing.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Oh, please, Fred, get me on the radio.

[Fred Allen]

But you can't compare radio to opera. Opening night at the Met. Think. The curtain rises. Your glorious voice casts a magic spell over the audience. Men and women throw their hats and mink into the air and cheer.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Bravo.

[Lou Holtz]

Melt your beast.

[Fred Allen]

Melt your.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

Bravo. Bravo.

[Fred Allen]

Beast. Beast. Yes, that's true.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

But $30,000. Won't you tell me when?

[Fred Allen]

Lawrence, Look, I think I can make you see the folly of your ways. Will you do me a favor?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes.

[Fred Allen]

Sing me an aria. I just want to prove something to you. You sing me one of those adenoid rattlers of yours. Would you sing a song for me?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, I will.

[Lou Holtz]

All right.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

What about this one here? The inner mannel of whiteness has shining eyes of the sun While roses reflecting a brightness. Announcement. Saturday has begun A lighty grand rapid Dreaming to nature whose long night storm Heard you through this beauty or dreaming and plainly I see. Leave me alone. Wake me the dawn radiant gladness. When you are near me, Love me, Come and fall.

[Lou Holtz]

You see that.

[Fred Allen]

That's what I mean. That's your racket, you see. That's what you like to do. That's what you do best. You should stick to that type of view.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

I know, I know. But. We will meet again.

[Fred Allen]

All right. All right. You want to get into radio? I'll show you. Mr. Melchior, if the wrong. If the wrong sponsor signs you, you're apt to end up on a radio show that sounds something like this. We're on the air.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

The makers of Tasnak's Pretzels present Life can be Melchior. Life can be melty or is brought to you every hour on the hour, every day, 168 times a week by the makers of Pasternak Personality Pretzels. Today, while every other pretzel is made by machine, untouched by human hands, only Pasternak pretzels are made by hand. Pasternak himself takes a handful of wet dough and steps into a red hot oven. A few twists, a few turns. When Pasternak is lifted out of that red hot oven, in his hand he holds a pretzel. No deceit, no trickery, no other pretzel can make this claim. With men who know pretzels best, it's Pasternak. Seven and three eighths to two. And now life can be Melkior.

[Fred Allen]

Life can be Melchior. The story of one man's struggle to be a failure. Little Larry Melchior was born in a motel in Ohio. Today, on that very site, there stands a Burma Shave sign. The world knew that a great singer had been born when the tiny baby's first words were Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figo, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro. At school, his genius was immediately recognized. The teacher gave little Larry a pitch pipe, a metronome and a picture of Rudy Valley to inspire him. After graduation, he forged ahead with his music. Day after day, hour after hour. Little Larry Melchior practiced four years at Curtis Institute of Music. Melchior sang eight years at the Juilliard School of Music. Melchior carried on. And then came the crucial test. His audition for the Metropolitan Opera Company. Melchior sang. He had forgotten the words. But this did not stop Lauret Melchior. Oh, no. Back to 10 more years of and then Lawrence Melchior finally reached his goal. He became a star at the Metropolitan. His golden voice sang. And now he was ready for his crowning achievement, starring on his own radio program. And here is the star of the Pasternak Pretzel program, Lauret Melchior, bringing you the music he has spent a lifetime to achieve. Maestro, please.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

From you evolved a bread of love. Patterns are the best pattern none is faulty Patterns have to of salty. Next week on the Radio hall of Fame. Burns and Allen, Raymond Graham Swing, Georgia Gibbs and another group of star personalities recommended by Variety.

[Narrator/Announcer]

For your pleasure, we'd expect you at the gates of the hall this time next week. This station Signed Dean Taylor. The production and writing staff of the Radio hall of Fame includes D. Engelbach.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

George Faulkner and Abel Green.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Green editor of Variety. Fred Allen was presented by arrangement with his sponsor Texaco. This is Glenn Riggs wishing you a happy New Year from Filco dealers and distributors throughout the United States and Canada. And from the Filco Corporation. Makers today of radio communications and electronic materials to help win the war. Makers tomorrow on of materials for good living in a world at peace.

[Radio Hall of Fame Announcer]

This is the Blue Network.

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Everyone deserves to be connected. That's why T Mobile and US Cellular are joining forces. Switch to T Mobile and save up to 20% versus Verizon by getting built in benefits they leave out. Check the math@t mobile.com switch and now T mobile mobile is in US cellular stores.

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Savings versus Comparable Verizon plans plus the cost of optional benefits. Plan features and taxes and fees vary. Savings with three plus lines include third line free via monthly bill credits credit. Stop if you cancel any lines. Qualifying credit required. If you're the purchasing manager at a manufacturing plant, you know having a trusted partner makes all the difference. That's why hands down, you count on Grainger for auto reordering. With on time reaction restocks, your team will have the cut resistant gloves they need at the start of their shift and you can end your day knowing.

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They'Ve got safety well in hand.

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Call 1-800-granger clickgranger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.