Red Skelton Show 42-10-06 (040) Jobs

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Red Skelton Show 42-10-06 (040) "Jobs"
Release Date: August 29, 2025
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
Featured Cast: Red Skelton, Truman Bradley, Harriet Hilliard, Ozzie Nelson, Jay Newton Numbskull, Wonderful Smith

---

Overview

This episode of Harold's Old Time Radio brings listeners a classic performance of the Red Skelton Show from October 6, 1942, themed around "Jobs." The episode captures Red Skelton and his cast as they comicly navigate working life, odd jobs, and the quirks of employment during wartime America. A mix of comedy sketches, musical interludes, and character bits paints a nostalgic portrait of the era’s humor and culture.

---

Key Discussion Points & Sketches

1. Celebrating National Newspaper Week & Childhood Jobs

[03:32–05:53]

• Red Skelton and Truman Bradley reminisce about delivering papers as kids, poking fun at eccentric newspaper readers and the competition for the best paper routes.

• Red delivers a memorable line about the hazards of being a newspaper boy:

  “One day I came home with every other tooth missing. ... It came in handy though. Whenever my mother wanted to scallop the edges of a pie.” (Red Skelton, 04:20)

• Harriet Hilliard joins in, sharing her experience repurposing newspapers for her canary’s cage, leading to Skelton’s upside-down news gag:

  “One day I stuck the paper in the cage upside down, see, and the poor canary nearly went nuts trying to find out if Hoover was elected.” (Red Skelton, 05:21)

• Humorous references to newspaper personal columns and classifieds, including:

  “Gentleman with car wishes to meet lady with retread. PS that’s tires, not face.” (Red Skelton, 05:50)

2. Musical Interlude – “Mister Five by Five”

[06:16–08:03]

• Jay Newton Numbskull and Harriet Hilliard deliver a lively rendition of "Mister Five by Five," a song celebrating a jovial, corpulent character. The crew’s playful harmonies and comedic timing keep the tone light.

3. Jobs in Wartime – Wonderful Smith’s Side Gig

[08:03–10:07]

• Wonderful Smith discusses struggling with extra “work on the side,” humorously referencing financial woes:

  “Do you think there’ll be a confederacy again?” (Wonderful Smith, 08:56)

• Tells of his girlfriend working as a “spit welder over at Lockheed” (messing up “spot welder”), to Red’s mock alarm:

  “You mean spot welder don’t you? Just wait until the next P-38 flies overhead, you’ll find out.” (Red Skelton, 10:02)

4. The Clem Kadiddlehopper Sketch – Night Watchman at the Bank

[10:07–14:18]

• Red Skelton as Clem Kadiddlehopper, now a bank night watchman, bumbles through late-night duties. Harried by his own absent-mindedness and “stupid answers,” Clem copes with the monotony and anxiety of the job:

  “I get tired of talking to myself all the time, especially when I get such stupid answers.” (Red Skelton, 10:10)

• Harriet (as Daisy June) joins, lamenting her cleaning job and joking about using her head as a mop.

• A comic misunderstanding with a supposed burglar (the “bank president”) developing into farcical confusion about setting the alarm and confronting robbers and “wolves.”

5. Junior’s Lemonade Stand – Child’s Work & Entrepreneurial Spirit

[15:16–22:47]

• Skelton, as Junior the Mean Widdle Kid, tries earning pocket money. Humorous mayhem ensues around washing windows, stealing lemons, and Junior's warped lemonade recipe.

• Notable exchanges:

  “What are those crumbs floating around the top of it?”
  “Well, I didn’t have any sugar, so I put in a couple pieces of cake.”
  (Truman Bradley & Red Skelton, 19:18–19:24)

• Junior's experiments with “medicine” to improve his lemonade result in chaotic, slapstick consequences, including a policeman and his mother tasting the “revamped” drink.

6. Taxi/Job Sketch – Human Taxicab

[27:35–30:45]

• Jay Newton Numbskull and Red Skelton in vagrant mode exchange banter about finding easy money, forgery mishaps, and job hunting scams.

• Skelton parodies being a human taxi (due to rubber shortages), piggybacking passengers—and luggage:

  “You can use my Adam’s apple for a saddle horn.” (Red Skelton, 30:24)

• The taxi scene humorously underscores the improvisational job spirit of the wartime era.

7. Running Gags & Sponsor Bits

• Frequent comedic sponsor plugs for "Raleigh Cigarettes" and "Sir Walter Raleigh" pipe tobacco, interwoven into the sketches and even faux historical narratives (King Tut and tribal chiefs preferring Raleigh’s).
• Extended bits mocking advertising techniques while still making the compulsory sales pitch.

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “There’s nobody who can watch like me, because my head turns all the way around—look, I’ll show you.”
  (Red Skelton as Clem, 12:17)

• “You know, I love those columns… Gentleman with car wishes to meet lady with retread—P.S. that’s tires, not face.”
  (Red Skelton, 05:50)

• “Why, did you steal the lemon?”
  “Well, I could answer that but it would only lead to bif bam boom.”
  (Harriet Hilliard & Red Skelton as Junior, 15:50)

• “All I want is Raleigh Cigarettes. All your gifts are found in Raleigh’s first—Raleigh’s more golden tobaccos…”
  (Truman Bradley as the tribal chief, 26:16)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:32]: Reminiscing about childhood jobs and National Newspaper Week
• [06:16]: "Mister Five by Five" musical performance
• [08:03]: Wonderful Smith’s job complaints and girlfriend’s welding mishap
• [10:07]: Clem the night watchman sketch begins
• [15:16]: Junior’s lemonade stand opens for business
• [19:01]: Junior’s first customer and the cake-as-sugar gag
• [27:35]: Human taxi business sketch

---

Tone & Style

The episode is fast-paced, packed with wisecracks, wordplay, and gentle, family-friendly satire—true to Red Skelton’s signature style. The banter is playful, often breaking the fourth wall, and makes heavy use of absurdity and running gags (e.g., constant sponsor plugs and kid logic in the lemonade stand sketch). Nostalgia, camaraderie, and wartime resilience are implicit throughout.

---

Closing

The episode closes with a light sponsor segment and a friendly farewell from Skelton, tying back to the spirit of helping the armed forces and communal goodwill.

“Saying goodbye now and thanks for listening. Good night, mummy doll—and remember, give the servicemen a ride.”
(Red Skelton, 32:03)

---

This episode is a rich showcase of Golden Age radio comedy, blending sharp wit with timeless Americana and the comforting rhythms of ensemble performance.

Transcript

[Wayfair Announcer]

Hey there are you sitting down good cause wayfair's end of season sale is here and you can shop it from your couch it's wayfair's labor day clearance and it's on now right now you can score up to seventy percent off everything home at wayfair like up to fifty percent off outdoor furniture and decor and up to seventy percent off area rugs plus amazing doorbuster deals and twenty four hour surprise flash deals on wayfair home finds in every style and get it all with fast shipping on everything right to your door from furniture to faucet this is your last chance of the season to score huge deals at wayfair don't let the final days of summer pass you by without shopping these end of season savings so don't wait like summer these savings won't last head to wayfair dot com today to score up to seventy percent off everything home celebrate your holiday weekend with can't miss savings before they run out shop wayfair's labor day clearance now through september second at wayfair dot com wayfair every style.

[Red Skelton]

Every home.

[Truman Bradley]

The raleigh cigarette program for hollywood starring red skelton with ozzy nelson and his orchestra harriet hilliard wonderful smith and yours truly truman bradley smokers here is a simple yet conclusive color test a dependable guide used by experts to determine which tobacco is best yes and it proves beyond question the superiority of raleigh cigarettes compare the open ends of a pack of raleighs with any other cigarette you'll see at a glance the tobaccos in raleigh's are unmistakably more golden in color experts will assure you that these golden tobaccos are choicer more expensive there is proof beyond dispute that raleigh's do give you the very finest quality and not one alone but thirty one of these superior tobaccos go into raleigh's blending their rich seasoning qualities into one distinctive flavor no other cigarette can boast a more careful blend no other cigarette gives you raleigh's unrivaled richness smoothness mildness raleigh's give you valuable coupons too redeemable for dozens of luxury premiums cash or the equivalent in war stamps yes indeed it pays in many ways to smoke raleighs get raleigh cigarettes.

[Red Skelton]

That was oz.

[Truman Bradley]

Nelson and his orchestra and now we bring you metro golden mayor's brilliant young chameleon the star of our show red skelton.

[Red Skelton]

Thank you very much that's our armed forces tonight as our guest well thank you very much and good evening ladies ladies and gentlemen hello red red.

[Truman Bradley]

What'S the good nerd anyway good good.

[Red Skelton]

Nerd yeah well truman this is national newspaper week so let's take time out and pay tribute to our newspaper good.

[Truman Bradley]

Idea red good idea they really do a swell job you said it boy.

[Red Skelton]

They finally got dick tracy away from.

[Truman Bradley]

That dam you know red there's more to a newspaper than just the comic.

[Red Skelton]

Sheets yeah when they do that you.

[Truman Bradley]

Know i remember when i was a kid what a kick i used to get out of throwing the papers missing.

[Red Skelton]

The porches yeah you know i'll never forget one guy on my route was he a fast reader fast reader yeah before the paper even landed he would read the who fold it up and give it back to me gosh rat who was he henry j kaiser boy what scraps we used to have when we were kids we used to fight over see who'd get the best route you know one day i came home with every other tooth missing every other.

[Truman Bradley]

Tooth missing that must have been tough.

[Red Skelton]

Yeah it came in handy though whenever my mother wanted to scallop the edges of a pie.

[Truman Bradley]

Tell me red what paper did you sell i sold a.

[Red Skelton]

Vincenz son say it must have been.

[Truman Bradley]

Quite a newspaper i'll say it was.

[Red Skelton]

Boy it was printed on white paper.

[Truman Bradley]

Wait a minute red white ink on.

[Red Skelton]

White paper yeah that was for rainy days it was too soggy to read anyway hello red hello ozzy hey did you sell newspapers when you were a.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

Kin no i was strictly a magazine.

[Red Skelton]

Man oh ladies home companion no but.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

My father was.

[Red Skelton]

Say i'll bet you used to get in some good fights when you were the other newsboys didn't.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

You no i always wore glasses oh weak eyes eh no weak fists.

[Red Skelton]

Those were the good old days though and the nights weren't bad either i remember how i used to run home every saturday night with my sixty five cents.

[Truman Bradley]

And put it in your piggy bank.

[Red Skelton]

No lose it to my old man in a crap game.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Hello rand hello.

[Red Skelton]

Harriet we were just talking about kids.

[Harriet Hilliard]

With newspapers oh when i was a kid it was my job to wrap the newspaper around the canary's cage every.

[Red Skelton]

Night hey that was my job too hey one day i stuck the paper in the cage upside down see and the poor canary nearly went nuts trying to find out if hoover was elected.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Say red somebody told me your name was in the paper last night so i read it clear through to the last page was my name there yep i finally found it in the personal.

[Red Skelton]

Column personal column huh what did it.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Say it said lost beautiful irish setter mahogany color answers to the name of red.

[Red Skelton]

You know i love those columns they're really great i saw one just the other day it says gentleman with car wishes to meet lady with retread ps that's tires not face.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

Mister five by five he's five feet tall and he's five feet wide he don't measure no more from head to toe than he do from side to side mister five by five got fifteen chins and a line of jive he's a mellow old cat a real hep fat he be mister five five five that man can really jump it for a fat man he's solid murder jack there's no way of knowing whether he's coming on or going missing mister five five five he's slightly plump on the solid side he don't shake it no more from head to toe than he do from side to side.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Mister five by five got fifteen chins and a line of jive he's a mellow old cat a real hep fat he be mister.

[Red Skelton]

That.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Man can really jump it for a fat man the only trouble is there's no way of knowing whether he's coming on or going mister five by five he's slightly plump on the solid side he don't shake it no more from head to toe than he do from side to.

[Red Skelton]

Sam that was harriet ozzie and the boys knocking out mister roche o' day how are you wonderful smith say what's new mister skelton could you.

[Wonderful Smith]

Loan me ten dollars on my last month's salary.

[Red Skelton]

Oh wait a minute i pay you every week and good money.

[Wonderful Smith]

Yes it's very good money but do you think there'll be a confederacy again.

[Red Skelton]

Well wonderful where have you been huh.

[Wonderful Smith]

Well i got a job on the side mister skelton but i can't stand it you can i'm all wore out.

[Red Skelton]

Yeah how long have you been working.

[Wonderful Smith]

I starts tomorrow but i've been pretty busy though with that stop a rumor.

[Red Skelton]

Campaign stop the rumor campaign is that so what have you done well a.

[Wonderful Smith]

Fella at our bowdoin house was making eyes at my gal yeah i sure stopped that rumor what'd you do i give him a central avenue sandwich central.

[Red Skelton]

Avenue sandwich what's that a neck between.

[Wonderful Smith]

Two slices of razor feel kind of bad about miguel oh she come up north on the greyhound hey that's quite a bus ride what bus ride this was a real greyhound.

[Red Skelton]

You mean to tell me that your girl rode up here on an animal yes sir anybody.

[Wonderful Smith]

Want to buy a swayback racing dolphin.

[Red Skelton]

She sounds like quite a gal what.

[Wonderful Smith]

Does she do oh she's a spit welder over at lockheed spitwelder.

[Red Skelton]

You mean spot welder don't you just wait until.

[Wonderful Smith]

The next p thirty eight fly overhead you'll find out.

[Red Skelton]

Well you know since the war people are working at jobs that they never knew anything about before now you take clem the fellow from the country i hear he has a job now as a night watchman in a bank well here i am yeah i'm a night watchman in the hope and trust company boy and being a night watchman is no fun i get tired of talking to myself all the time especially when i get such stupid answers there's that old time clock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock sometimes i wish it would go talk tick just see what would happen well i guess it's time to punch the clock must have punched it too hard oh well i didn't like its face anyway uh oh somebody's trying to get in hello clam well dump what's the matter little pumpkin you look a little.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Sad well clem i feel like a quitting this scrub woman's job yeah what word well this new mop don't clean.

[Red Skelton]

Very good well maybe you better go back to dipping your head in a pail and then nose diving around here let me help you clean up around.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Here you sure you're strong enough well.

[Red Skelton]

Sure i'm sure here feel my muscles.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Go ahead say i bet you eat lots of jelly don't you.

[Red Skelton]

Or the telephone i'll get it hello this is the bank okay goodbye who was it it was the bank president he told me he was sitting at the table talking to the folks and all of a sudden he realized that he didn't set the burglar alarm so he's coming right over he talks pretty fast you.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Know gosh thanks you know i'd be scared if you wasn't here clem you're such a good watchman yeah i know.

[Red Skelton]

There'S nobody who can watch like me because my head turns all the way around look i'll show you.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Why clam that's wonderful now unwind it.

[Red Skelton]

Oh doggone i broke my mainspring again you know daisy june it's nice just sitting here holding your hand in mine oh clem.

[Harriet Hilliard]

That'S the soap you're holding just here's.

[Red Skelton]

My hand oh give it to me give me back the soap will you.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Gosh clem you know that burglar alarm worries me why an aunt could sneak right in here and rob the bank somebody's climbing in that window and he looks mighty suspicious he does sure look what he's got a cover in his.

[Red Skelton]

Face a mask yeah well ask him about that hey what do you want how's tonto quiet you say we've been expecting you it's a good thing you remember that burglar alarm ain't set boy somebody go to rob the bank hey.

[Truman Bradley]

Did you say the burglar alarm isn't.

[Red Skelton]

Set therefore i said well i'll have.

[Truman Bradley]

To open the safe and set it now let me see i'll need my blowtorch my drill my jimmy clam this.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Guy'S a crook what would a president of a bank be a doing with.

[Red Skelton]

A jimmy well there's nothing wrong with that even the president of the united states has a jimmy.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Mister why don't.

[Red Skelton]

You go home hey you're a mighty pretty girl i'll just kiss you for.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Good luck clam ain't you gonna do something stop him stop him nope never.

[Red Skelton]

Interfere with a wolfie that's my motto.

[Truman Bradley]

Now look sweetie when i rob this bank see that's you and me slam.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Together i knew he was a crook well perpetually say do something clam anything.

[Red Skelton]

Yes okay i'll just knock my knees together.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Now what good did that do.

[Red Skelton]

I don't know but it feels good.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Clam scam no keys are getting away.

[Red Skelton]

Well let em go good riddance i'll.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Stop and where's my broom here now.

[Red Skelton]

Take it easy daisy jones there you.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Bad robber take that and that take.

[Red Skelton]

It easy i ain't a broom well.

[Harriet Hilliard]

So what we knocked him down didn't.

[Red Skelton]

We well sure we did hey what's.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

Going on in my bank hey we.

[Red Skelton]

Just got a crook look well so you did clem you're going to be rewarded for this name your price one hundred dollars a hundred dollars what for well ahmad turner's going through here on a war bond drive and if you buy a hundred dollar bond she'll give.

[Harriet Hilliard]

You a kid oh clam what do you want to kiss her for oh.

[Red Skelton]

Wouldn'T you like to know then we have a lady and her little boy he wants to earn some pocket money so he's taking a soapbox and open up a lemonade stand so harriet you be my mother and i'll be the mean widow kid.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Junior hello mommy how on earth did you get so dirty.

[Red Skelton]

Well me and that little girl next door was playing house down in the coal bin then we start throwing the furniture at each other hey what you.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Doing mommy i'm washing the windows hey.

[Red Skelton]

I know a quick way to clean the windows you do how first you take a rock and then it's simple once you know how hey come on out in the kitchen mommy can i borrow a deep pan what for well i open up a lemonade stand out in front of the house i want to make myself an easy dime just.

[Harriet Hilliard]

A moment where did you get the.

[Red Skelton]

Lemon well i could answer that but it would only lead to bif bam.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Boom hey there are you sitting down.

[Wayfair Announcer]

Good cause wayfair's end of season sale is here and you can shop it from your couch it's wayfair's labor day clearance and it's on now right now you can score up to seventy percent off everything home at wayfair like up to fifty percent off outdoor furniture and decor and up to seventy percent off area room plus amazing doorbuster deals and twenty four hour surprise flash deals on wayfair home finds in every style and get it all with fast shipping on everything right to your door from furniture to faucets this is your last chance of the season to score huge deals at wayfair don't let the final days of summer pass you by without shopping these end of season savings so don't wait like summer these savings won't last head to wayfair dot com today to score up to seventy percent off everything home celebrate your holiday weekend with can't miss savings before they run out shop wayfair's labor day clearance now through september second at wayfair dot com wayfair every.

[ZipRecruiter Announcer 1]

Style every home warning the following ziprecruiter radio spot you are about to hear is going to be filled with f.

[ZipRecruiter Announcer 2]

Words when you're hiring we at ziprecruiter know you can feel frustrated forlorn even like your efforts are futile and you can spend a fortune trying to find fabulous people only to get flooded with candidates who are just fine fortunately ziprecruiter figured out how to fix all that and right now you can try ziprecruiter for free at ziprecruiter dot com zip with ziprecruiter you can forget your frustrations because we find the right people for your roles fast which is our absolute favorite f word in fact four out of five employers who post on ziprecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day fantastic so whether you need to hire four forty or four hundred people get ready to meet first rate talent just go to ziprecruiter dot com zip to try ziprecruiter for free don't forget that's ziprecruiter dot com zip finally that's ziprecruiter dot com zip nevermind where did.

[Harriet Hilliard]

You get the lemon i got it.

[Red Skelton]

With that quarter i found last night.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Oh did you find a quarter last.

[Red Skelton]

Night yes i same one you lost.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Last night junior you told me you couldn't find it i couldn't so you.

[Red Skelton]

Stopped looking and then i moved me widow foot and there it was.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Hey.

[Red Skelton]

Can i borrow that fan mommy now.

[Harriet Hilliard]

You let that pan alone you have one pan full of lemonade now okay.

[Red Skelton]

It'S dark in here what happened to that lucky light bulb that used to.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Be in this socket junior get away don't stick your finger in there oh.

[Red Skelton]

I let you killing me with a body i want you to hit me.

[Harriet Hilliard]

With a body you did you didn't electrocute yourself and barely tickled well what.

[Red Skelton]

Do you know me widow ears lit up.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Junior why don't you be good how many times have i told you about things like that i don't know.

[Red Skelton]

I thought you would keep them cool.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Now you go on outside okay oh look i see somebody coming down the.

[Red Skelton]

Street oh boy a customer i ain't gonna make the money don't slam the.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Door you might break the glass okay.

[Red Skelton]

My cheater lemonade lemonade ice cold lemonade.

[Truman Bradley]

What are you selling there sonny why.

[Red Skelton]

Don'T you pay attention.

[Truman Bradley]

Ah lemonade is it fresh yes it is but what are those what are those crumbs floating.

[Red Skelton]

Around the top of it well i didn't have any sugar so i put in a couple pieces of cake tell me how much is it it's a nickel and a dime what's the difference well with a ten cent glass we notify you folks.

[Truman Bradley]

What about the five cent glass oh we just kick a.

[Red Skelton]

Widow dirt over you well i can.

[Truman Bradley]

Tell you're only kidding aren't you you.

[Red Skelton]

Don'T know me very well don't you fellow well here you glass all right.

[Truman Bradley]

Thank you here goes okay they can.

[Red Skelton]

Fake it at me don't they faint it at me stuff's sour it is.

[Truman Bradley]

Poured on those bushes there well what.

[Red Skelton]

For the boy it's not doing anything to me hey look i'll go in the house and get you some sugar and sweeten it up a little bit.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Junior did you break something meow meow oh that darn cat again it always.

[Red Skelton]

Worked it always worked junior look you.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Can stay out for ten minutes and then you have to come in and take your nap okay i take the.

[Red Skelton]

Man and sugar now oh man well where he go oh look a kitty cat come here kitty come on here you want to drink a lemonade come on i owe you a drink on account of this morning i drank you saucer of milk come on i'll hold you up by your tail here here here stop scratching me get away get.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Away.

[Red Skelton]

Ah look what you done you fell with me lemonade get out of there i said drink it not take a bath in it look at him a customer a customer gas gas stat.

[Harriet Hilliard]

What are you selling my little man.

[Red Skelton]

Timed our wonder oh lemonade is it.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Good huh is it good it's the.

[Red Skelton]

Cat whiskers.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Well i'll have one glass.

[Red Skelton]

Okay here it is but drink it.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Fast drink it oh i can't see without my glasses on you just open my purse and take out a nickel.

[Red Skelton]

Will you now he ought to know better than i.

[Harriet Hilliard]

I don't know why this so strangely but we do don't.

[Red Skelton]

We folks it's the cat's pork do.

[Harriet Hilliard]

You mean to say there was a.

[Red Skelton]

Cat in there no he's still there.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Look at him swim what makes him.

[Red Skelton]

Swim so much i don't know i guess the ice cubes keep him going goodbye okay i wonder what i could do to make this stuff taste better nobody like it i know what i will do i will put some of pop's medicine in it that stuff that makes him think he's orson wells if i do i get a whipping i do it i know why were you hiding it in this bush over here oh boy it wiped through boy it really wipes now it all set but no customers i was standing out in the middle of the street and force a car to stop that's why i.

[Truman Bradley]

Was.

[Red Skelton]

Must be a tourist he missed.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Me uh oh you near get out of the street car might run over you and ruin the tires okay.

[Red Skelton]

Don'T yell at me it scared me too.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Oh now see what you've done here comes a policeman hello folks well what.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

Have we here lemonade stand yeah may i have a glass sure now to.

[Red Skelton]

See what pop stuff has done for tonight brace yourself drink it down okay.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Ah hallelujah.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

Where did you get those delicious lemons say what's in this anyway.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Here let me taste it well i'll be right back folks junior where are you going i'm going in the house.

[Red Skelton]

And get some music on the radio and make some sandwiches because this is how them hollywood parties start sam it's.

[Harriet Hilliard]

Sam.

[Red Skelton]

It i've ever heard rocho day played believe me what do you say.

[Truman Bradley]

Hey red speaking of folks who have jobs they never had before i'm a book salesman now is that so truman yes red it's very interesting work too yeah in one of my books it said that king tut journeyed to darkest africa and came upon a weird tribe of savages and as he approached them he heard in the distance their strange native chant like this hum seven baby.

[Red Skelton]

Needs new shoes you know i think i met those natives last night and.

[Truman Bradley]

Then king tut was amazed at the reaction of the tribal chief the king presented him with bags of gold fine silks and rich colors hundreds of expensive gifts but do you know what that tribal chieftain said no what did he.

[Red Skelton]

Say as if though i didn't know we'd been doing this for about three.

[Truman Bradley]

Hours for it he said ugg slug pugoo he didn't right in front of.

[Red Skelton]

Everybody what does that mean fully translated.

[Truman Bradley]

It means all i want is raleigh cigarettes all your gifts are found in raleigh's first raleigh's more golden tobaccos you can even see that raleigh's more golden by comparing the open ends of a pack of raleigh cigarettes with any other brand is that all he said in one sentence that's not all second he said the smoothness and richness of the fine silks are found in raleigh cigarettes because no less than thirty one fine tobaccos go into raleigh's exclusive blend windy.

[Red Skelton]

Old bird ain't he i'd like to get him to write a telegram for.

[Truman Bradley]

Me sometime and third the chief said the valuable coupons that come with raleigh cigarettes get him all the expensive gifts as an extra value really luxury premiums dozens of things say who wrote this.

[Red Skelton]

History book you read truman i did.

[Truman Bradley]

How do you like it oh it's.

[Red Skelton]

All right the part about raleigh's is true but all i can say is.

[Truman Bradley]

Ooka bugga wagga what does that mean.

[Red Skelton]

Red well fully translated it means get the pack with a coupon on the back or you know who will get the sack now getting back to people working at things that they know nothing about we have j newton numbskull the gentleman hobo he always knows an easy way to make the money.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

Taxi taxi.

[Red Skelton]

Taxi mister no i'm a human being sorry bob hey could you tell me.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

Where i am yeah sure you're at forty sixth street and broadway never mind.

[Red Skelton]

The details what city is it say don't you remember me no i don't.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

Think so so you haven't been imbibing.

[Red Skelton]

Have you imbibing no you don't get this way from tilting pinball machines wait.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

A minute i do know you now you're jay newton numbskull a gentleman hobo yeah when did you get into town.

[Red Skelton]

Oh not long ago i've been standing on this corner for an hour waiting for a girl to come by and drop her handkerchief what for i got a cold.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

You know you ought to be ashamed yourself jane newton just look at you you're all run down.

[Red Skelton]

I'M in as good a shape as you are and believe me that ain't saying.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

Much yeah then why you standing on.

[Red Skelton]

Your knees listen my feet get tired.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

Where you been san quentin yeah what was it this time newt forgery yep.

[Red Skelton]

I couldn't remember whose picture went on them ten thousand dollars bills well whose.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

Picture'S supposed to be on i don't.

[Red Skelton]

Know but the fbi convinced me it wasn't mickey mouse.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

What are you doing in town jay newton well i came.

[Red Skelton]

Up here to see my old girl i've been over her house for supper we've sat around for hours eating olives.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

Well didn't you just blow kisses at.

[Red Skelton]

Each other no just the pits where.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

Are you heading jay newton down at.

[Red Skelton]

The post office i bought me some new mail order tea what's in that.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

Package under your arm that's my lunch.

[Red Skelton]

You see the teeth came cod oh.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

You'Re going down to get them out.

[Red Skelton]

Huh no i'm broke but the postmaster's a nice guy and he lets me eat my lunch there.

[Jay Newton Numbskull]

Well i'll see you later i gotta cruise around and pick up some fares i'll see you.

[Red Skelton]

Later yeah i think i'll pick up some fares too i'll go in the taxi business taxi did i hear you say taxi that you did that you.

[Truman Bradley]

Did well all right take me to grandson okay hop in yeah wait a minute where's your car well i had.

[Red Skelton]

A taxi once but the rubber shortage came and no tires i was running.

[Truman Bradley]

Around on my rims that's sort of noisy wasn't it i'll say it was.

[Red Skelton]

So noisy you couldn't hear the pedestrians yelling for help boy it made such deep ruts in the street the trolley cars used to follow me home at.

[Truman Bradley]

Night i know i know but if you have no cab how are you gonna take me to the station hop.

[Red Skelton]

On brother you're going piggyback what about my luggage stick it on the back i'm using my grandmother's bustle for a.

[Truman Bradley]

Trunk rack oh you're a human taxicab that's me brother pardon me what's that.

[Red Skelton]

Cheap gas come on hop on buddy.

[Truman Bradley]

What do i hold onto well if.

[Red Skelton]

You don't overdo it you can use my adam's apple for a saddle horn.

[Truman Bradley]

Okay okay well i'm on well here.

[Red Skelton]

We go careful now you almost hit that pedestrian yeah too bad we're in a hurry i go back and trample on him hey look out look what's coming run for your life run now.

[Truman Bradley]

What'S the big idea of running inside this house didn't you see it see.

[Red Skelton]

What a woman driver it's okay to go out now she found a parking span.

[Truman Bradley]

Leave this room if you smoke a pipe listen pipe smokers for the very best in smoking tobacco get sir walter raleigh it's smooth and mild packed with a rich nut like mellowness sir walter raleigh never bites your tongue it burns even and cool right down to the bottom of the bowl because it's a perfect blend of selected burleys carefully cured and aged and precisely crimp cut and the aroma of sir walter raleigh is always welcome try the quality pipe tobacco of america tonight sir walter rolling remember we'll all be back again next tuesday at the same time red skelton ozzy nelson and his orchestra harriet hilliard wonderful smith and yours truly truman bradley meanwhile listen to raleigh's tommy dorsey show tomorrow night over these same stage until next tuesday then this is red skelton.

[Red Skelton]

Saying goodbye now and thanks for listening good night mummy doll and remember give the servicemen a ride has heard on.

[Truman Bradley]

This program through the courtesy of the metro golden mayor studios this program has been broadcast to the armed forces overseas and has come to you from hollywood this is the national broadcasting conference.

[ZipRecruiter Announcer 1]

Finding great candidates to hire can be like well trying to find a needle in a haystack sure you can post your job to some job board but then all you can do is hope the right person comes along which is why you should try ziprecruiter for free at ziprecruiter dot com zip ziprecruiter doesn't depend on candidates finding you it finds them for you its powerful technology identifies people with the right experience and actively invites them to apply to your job you get qualified candidates fast so while other companies might deliver a lot of hay ziprecruiters ziprecrucutor finds you what you're looking for the needle in the haystack see why four out of five employers who post a job on ziprecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day the smartest way to hire and right now you can try ziprecruiter for free that's right free at ziprecruiter dot com zip that's ziprecruiter dot com zip ziprecruiter dot com zip.