
Red Skelton Show 48-01-20 Ep083 Willy Lump Lump, The Fighter (chap 1)
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Rod O'Connor
Dave Rose and his orchestra. Our singing star, Anita Ellis. Verna Felton, Lorraine Tuttle, Pat McGeehan and yours truly, Rod O'.
Dave Rose
Connor.
Rod O'Connor
From Metrical to mayor, we present the star of the Raleigh cigarette program, Red Scout.
Dave Rose
Thank you very much and good evening, ladies and gentlemen. How are you, Rod?
Rod O'Connor
Oh, I'm fine. How are you?
Dave Rose
I'm fine. You know, just all of a sudden it hit me. Funny, see. Every time on the radio the guy says, how do you feel? I feel fine. Everybody feels fine on radio. Let's be different.
Anita Ellis
Drop dead, huh?
Dave Rose
Well, get on with the funny stuff.
Unknown
Now, what are we.
Dave Rose
What shall we talk about tonight that's typical, topical? Topical?
Rod O'Connor
Well, I don't know, but everybody's talking about the high cost of living today.
Dave Rose
Yeah, Come to think about it, they talked about it yesterday too.
Rod O'Connor
President Truman's gonna put a balcony on the White House porch.
Anita Ellis
Oh, Harry.
Dave Rose
Can't afford logies, huh?
Rod O'Connor
Well, here's something that Walter Kiernan missed in his whimsical analysis of the news.
Dave Rose
Whimsical? Read what's there, will you?
Anita Ellis
I tell you, they'll do it Every.
Dave Rose
Time you give an announcer a raising, he'll rotten by a dictionary. What? What does he say? What does he say?
Rod O'Connor
Well, he says that children prove they're 10 years in advance of their age by their selection of toys. It also says that chemical sets.
Dave Rose
That's a new word for you to look up, Bud.
Rod O'Connor
The chemical sets are passe. Now they sell kiddiatomic sets.
Dave Rose
Yeah, and an FBI man comes with every kit.
Rod O'Connor
Do you suppose those atomic sets are really any good?
Dave Rose
If they are, you'll see Gromyko going in toy stores dressed like Buster Brown. I'd love to see you in a Buster Brown suit.
Rod O'Connor
Well, I'm not in such bad shape. I've been told I have a bill like Atlas.
Dave Rose
You mean the guy that supports the world?
Rod O'Connor
No, that's Uncle Sam.
Anita Ellis
That's mine.
Rod O'Connor
Such a good one. I didn't think he could Read it right.
Dave Rose
You know, I think at times I think Eden is building a new boy. Hey, what else is new?
Rod O'Connor
Well, the latest cars from France are built with a liquor cabinet and a makeup compartment in the back seat.
Dave Rose
Yeah, that's very sensible. You know, when you drink too much and have an accident, the makeup kit will come in handy for the more teaching. You'll make a healthy looking corpse out of it. Well, that's what I get for hiring the guy that writes inner sanctum.
Anita Ellis
I scared.
Rod O'Connor
Say, did you see the pictures of that new check car? It has three headlights.
Dave Rose
My car's got three headlights?
Rod O'Connor
Since when?
Dave Rose
Since I made that wrong turn. Also got an engine in the back. Now, you know that's the latest thing. Boy, what silly drivers they got out here.
Rod O'Connor
Oh, come now, Rhett. California driving isn't any more dangerous than any other place.
Dave Rose
No, but driving in California makes it more likely that you'll go to the other place.
Rod O'Connor
Listen.
Dave Rose
Blair. But she's not here tonight. Now our beautiful Anita Ellis will sing. What are you gonna sing, honey?
Willie Lump Lump
Near you.
Dave Rose
Oh, good. The Skelton Scrapbook of Sad. Tire that up, Boy, he gets paid but a pound. May I ask the trombone player what he accomplished? See, he played the trombone while I meet his song. Tonight we present a chapter for the sport fans entitled Willie Lumplump the Fighter. Lock the door.
Junior
Lock.
Dave Rose
Shut the door.
Junior
Willie, is that you?
Dave Rose
Not so loud, Willie. Not so loud.
Willie Lump Lump
What's wrong with you, Willie, I just.
Dave Rose
Had a narrow escape. A guy offered me a job.
Willie Lump Lump
Why didn't you take it? You know the rent is due tomorrow and the landlord says if we don't pay, he'll throw us out.
Dave Rose
Makes a corny little plot, don't it? How much do we owe?
Willie Lump Lump
$200.
Dave Rose
Ah, it's just a drop in your bucket and I got it.
Willie Lump Lump
You mean you got $200?
Dave Rose
I got the bucket.
Willie Lump Lump
Look, Willie, you could earn some money. There are plenty of ads in the paper offering opportunities.
Dave Rose
All right, well, we'll take a look. We'll take a look this day. Here's one wanted man to hatch eggs. 60 cents an hour. Sounds a little uncomfortable, don't it? Besides, I can just see the head man becomes Mother of 120.
Willie Lump Lump
Willie, you are an idiot.
Dave Rose
Oh, no, I'm not. That's because my eyes bulge out and my ears wiggle and my tongue hangs to the floor. That don't make me an idiot. Now, here's something else that looks pretty good. Wanted fighters down at the Knockabout Stadium. Cash prizes for winners. Ask for me, boy?
Willie Lump Lump
Oh, you ain't a fighter. You don't even have any muscle.
Dave Rose
Oh, no? How do you feel that arm, Whit?
Willie Lump Lump
I don't feel any muscle.
Dave Rose
Be patient. It'll swim along any minute. Come on, let's go down talk to him, huh? That must be the fellow in charge over there. I'll just walk over, stick out my chest and talk to him. Pardon me, bud.
Unknown
Yeah? Oh, you've got the wrong place, bubba. The blood bank is next door.
Dave Rose
Look, wise guy, I'm a fighter.
Unknown
Oh, yeah?
Anita Ellis
Yeah.
Unknown
Well, I was only a featherweight. Niggin lick.
Dave Rose
You don't brag about it. Anybody can whip a feather, you know. I'll have you to know I fought in the Garden.
Unknown
You fought in the Garden?
Dave Rose
Yeah, a gopher tried to steal some of my radish. I don't like it, but it's written there. I got. I fought him for an hour. You know, when I got through with that gopher, boy, he was a mess. His buck teeth weren't worth 2 cents.
Unknown
Run along, dog meat. You couldn't push your way out of a paper bag.
Dave Rose
Look, bud, I gotta fight. I need the dough to pay my rent and it helps the plot along.
Unknown
Okay. You got boxing trunks?
Dave Rose
No, I fight in a full dress suit, see?
Anita Ellis
Excellent.
Dave Rose
Case anything happens to me, all you gotta do is fold my arms and carry me out. Watch this. Willie, they call me.
Unknown
Okay, get into the locker room and dress.
Willie Lump Lump
I'll get a bucket and towel and meet you in the corner.
Dave Rose
What am I gonna do? Fight or take a bath? Better take a War Dragon and a Dixie Cup. I don't think the fight's gonna last too long.
Unknown
Hurry up and get dressed.
Dave Rose
Okay. Get my pants off. Hang em up for me.
Unknown
Boy, what skinny legs.
Dave Rose
Yeah. Prepare yourself, folks. Here it comes. What did you say?
Unknown
I said what skinny legs.
Dave Rose
Yeah. I've seen better bones in soup.
Unknown
Look, are you sure you're a fighter?
Dave Rose
Sure. You wouldn't believe this, but one time I was one of the most talked of guys in the ring. I'll never forget my big fight. Walked out to the center of the ring, took off my robe. Men screamed, some of them fainted. Forgot my trunk. Yes, sir. Boy, that was some fight. That was the night I fought Max Bear. Sometimes it's better when they ain't there. You.
Unknown
Okay? Okay. Are you ready?
Dave Rose
Yeah, I'm ready.
Unknown
Come on this way to the ring.
Anita Ellis
Okay.
Unknown
What?
Dave Rose
It sure got a nice crowd here, ain't you?
Unknown
Yeah. Now get into the ring.
Dave Rose
Yeah, I'll just jump over the Rope. Show them I'm in shape. I'll just crawl under the rope.
Willie Lump Lump
Are you all right, Willie?
Dave Rose
Oh, sure. I always get goose pimples at this time of the day. What are they staring at? Look at him out there.
Willie Lump Lump
Come on, now, rinse your mouth out.
Junior
Here's a buckle.
Dave Rose
Okay. Water. Don't you ever pull a trick like that on me.
Anita Ellis
It's a wagon.
Dave Rose
Let's go. Ladies and gentlemen, in this corner at.
Unknown
135, Willie Lump Lump. In this corner at 210, Roderick the Russian Killer. All right, boys, now you know the rules. No hitting below the belt.
Dave Rose
Now keep your eye on this Russian. They're always hitting below the belt, you know.
Unknown
And another thing. There'll be no hitting in the solar plexus.
Dave Rose
Smoke? What's that? I'll show you. No more of that stuff, bud. No more of that stuff. No more of that stuff. See? No more of that stuff.
Anita Ellis
Hello.
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Dave Rose
Punch you in the nose. Oh, you punch me in the nose. I like to see you do it.
Rod O'Connor
You'd like to see me do it, eh?
Dave Rose
Yes, I would like to see you do it.
Unknown
I just did it.
Dave Rose
I know, but your fist was in the way.
Unknown
Look, boys, let's save all this for the bell. Now shake hands and come out fighting.
Rod O'Connor
Well, Winnie. Winnie.
Dave Rose
Well, Willie, win the fight on my teeth or Willie.
Rod O'Connor
Be sure to listen next week to chapter two of Willy Lumplump the Fighter.
Dave Rose
And now you can get your check.
Anita Ellis
You're through.
Dave Rose
Dave Rose and his Raleigh Orchestra. Now play just one of those things. Late for a rebate.
Anita Ellis
Don't jump on me. Don't jump on me. You'll get your paws dirty. Get down. Get down. What's the matter with you? Oh, you hungry, huh? Well, you follow me and we'll raid the ice box. If you'll take the blame, I'll give you half what I get. Come on, this way. Right, we go.
Junior
Why, Junior, look at you.
Anita Ellis
I'm sorry, kiddo. I didn't know you had company.
Junior
Oh, is this your little boy? Yes, Junior, this is Ms. Tugmore. Now say hello.
Anita Ellis
Oh, no, kiddo. I don't speak to strange women. I saw what you did to Pop for doing that, you know.
Junior
Junior, say Hello.
Anita Ellis
Okay. Hello, Ms. Tugboat.
Junior
The name's Tugmore Junior.
Anita Ellis
Okay. Hello, Tugmore Junior. How's Tugmore Senior, huh?
Junior
Now, don't be smarty. Where are your manners?
Anita Ellis
Well, don't you remember? None came with me. They didn't even give a guarantee.
Junior
Junior, you start to drop me, just.
Anita Ellis
Drop me down in a little three corner package that says open at your own risk.
Junior
You know, Junior, that's enough. I'm sorry for the way he's acting, Anita. Oh, really, all boys are alike. I think little girls are so much better behaved and so much quicker to learn.
Anita Ellis
Let's not get carried away, kiddo.
Junior
Now run along, Junior.
Anita Ellis
Okay. Come on, puppy girl. Come on.
Dave Rose
Come on. Come on, come on.
Anita Ellis
Oh, there she is in the feather bed. Hey, Nemora. Namor? Namor, is you asleep?
Junior
Oh, Junior, is that you?
Anita Ellis
Yes. Is you asleep? Namor?
Junior
Yes.
Anita Ellis
Well, that's all I want to know. I wouldn't think of disturbing you for the while. Are you sick?
Junior
No, I'm just resting.
Anita Ellis
Oh. Hey, who's that lady downstairs with a new look in the old face?
Junior
Oh, she's a friend of your mother's. They went to school together.
Anita Ellis
Cool. Well, in that case, I'm glad I'm getting sick and don't have to go to school.
Junior
Junior, don't you ever want to learn anything?
Dave Rose
Sure.
Anita Ellis
I am smart now, though. I can tell time. I know the days of the week, the months of the year. You see the January, February, April, May, June.
Junior
What happened to March?
Anita Ellis
Grandpa didn't like that picture, so he tore it off his calendar. Boy, school didn't help that lady downstairs much, did it, huh?
Junior
Junior, why do you talk that way about Ms. Tugmore?
Anita Ellis
She don't like widow boys. She don't like widow boys. And I must say that the feeling is mutual. I don't like.
Junior
Now, how do you know she doesn't like little boys?
Anita Ellis
Because she said widow girls were better behaved. And anybody knows that a widow girl is just a widow boy who can't afford a haircut. Hey, Nanmore, is you sorry I was your widow, boy?
Junior
Oh, no, dear, of course not. I wouldn't trade you for all the other boys in the world.
Anita Ellis
Yeah, you wouldn't.
Junior
No. I don't believe in swindling. Yeah.
Anita Ellis
Boy, you sure does love me. Don't you? I love you, doughboy. I'd be lost without your guiding hand. That is, the one that guides the hairbrushes.
Junior
But did I only punish you for your own good? When you grow up, you'll thank me for teaching you the difference between right and wrong.
Anita Ellis
Why is all Namoise's understanding into yours?
Junior
I suppose so, dear boy.
Anita Ellis
I bet if they knew what was coming, though, they wouldn't go up to be grandmars, would you?
Junior
I think they would. You see, Junior, grandmothers have a proud destiny. They consider it a blessing to be a grandmother.
Anita Ellis
Do tell.
Junior
Well, maybe it's because they're a little wiser and they realize that most of all, children need love and affection and all the wisdom that you can give them. They like to pass their knowledge along to the youngsters. That's why we feel that a child's question is never too silly to answer. Now, run along and let Namaru.
Anita Ellis
Okay, Kyosha. Is you going to take a nap?
Junior
Yes.
Anita Ellis
Would you take a nap for me? I'm gonna be kind of busy with a little delinquent ideas this afternoon, so I may not be able to squeeze a nap in. Hey, puppy, you know what's wrong with us? We is the wrong kind of people. You is a widow boy, and I is a widow boy. Come on, let's go in Mummy's room. Come on. We gonna change into a widow girl.
Dave Rose
Come on.
Anita Ellis
Come on. Oh, look now, you see? There's Mummy's makeup table. And there's lipstick. I just put on some lips. I put on some lips. I'd have to use this mirror here, if I can reach. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. As soon as I make up like a widow girl and they ask who broke the mirror, I'll say, some widow boy. Do it now. No trouble at all. Now I put on some eyebrows. Eyelashes there. Some eyeshadow. And some wood. Some wood. Now some powder. Boy look like it's snowing, don't he? Now how do I look, puppy? How do I look? Here comes from under the bed. What's wrong with him? I better look in the mirror and see how I look.
Dave Rose
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Junior
You hear? What's wrong?
Dave Rose
I scared me down.
Anita Ellis
But I'm all right.
Junior
Are you sure?
Anita Ellis
Yeah, I'm okay, kiddo. No, boy, that was a narrow escape. He hurt me. Boy, I have been in a mess. Now I'm gonna need a dress. Let's see. What's this thing?
Junior
Oh, yes.
Anita Ellis
I better put this on to get into shape. I'll just put this griddle on. Oh my goodness. Oh boy, this thing sure is hard to get into. Oh my God. Really tight. It feels like somebody sneaking up on me. Now I got it. What are these little watch pops. Now I gonna need a dress. I gonna need a dress. There's Namor's blouse. I'll just put that on first and then. Well, now I don't need a skirt. This little blouse gives me the new look, you know. Now I'm gonna need some slippers. Let's take this pair right here and put them on. What's that sticking out of the toe of the shoe? It looks like a widow gopher. Hey, Nikki, come here.
Dave Rose
Come here. Do it.
Anita Ellis
Well, don't stand there pointing. Sic em, shake em. Yeah. Let go. It's my toe. Let go. Why' em me.
Dave Rose
Now for a hat.
Anita Ellis
Now for a hat. Oh, I could wear mummy's off the face hat. But of course, if she sees me with it on, I gonna have an awful shoulder head, you know. Now I all dressed, let's see how I look in the full length mirror. Great. Oh boy, I look like a model. I look just like a model for a nasty accident. Like a bundle of laundry that came undone. Don't you? Now that I was a widow girl, I better go do some housework, I guess.
Junior
Junior, did your grandfather come home?
Anita Ellis
No. Cause your wife.
Junior
Well, I heard feet dragging and I thought they were bringing him upstairs.
Anita Ellis
No, me feet. Me shoes is too big a job. Me shoes is too big. Oh, there's the banister. I think I slide that. Oh, no, I can't, I can't. That wouldn't be ladylike. I couldn't do that. Well, maybe I could ride down side shadow. That ought to be quite an experience. Well, here she goes.
Willie Lump Lump
Junior.
Anita Ellis
Yeah?
Junior
What happened?
Anita Ellis
You know that statue of the lady holding the vase?
Willie Lump Lump
Yes.
Anita Ellis
She just threw it at me and she's broken up about it.
Junior
What is going on in here? Sounds like an earthquake. What's that walking around? Oh, I don't know. What is it, mother? Is it human? You name it, it's yours. What a stupid looking child. Look at her big mouth. Come here, dear.
Anita Ellis
Junior, don't yell. You scared me too. What you yelling about is me slip showing herself.
Junior
What on earth is. Oh, oh, my good hat and blouse. You take that off.
Anita Ellis
Okay. You know, with you it's a new look, but it looks kind of cockeyed on me, you know. There, take it.
Junior
Oh, no. Look, my new two way.
Anita Ellis
Two way. I got news for you, Kato, it feels like a going freeway.
Junior
My new nylons. He's holding them up with pins. Oh, Junior, you've got to run in them.
Anita Ellis
Running them. I can hardly walk. Got a crackling down. Goodness, Junior, I'm tripping all over.
Willie Lump Lump
Listen to me, Junior.
Junior
Why do you do things like this now? Why?
Anita Ellis
Well, you said you wish I was a wittle girl. So I just wanted to please you. You know, I didn't know that I would be as stupid as a widow girl as I am as a widow boy.
Junior
Look at my good statue. Broke into bits. You come here to me.
Anita Ellis
Now just a minute. Now you back away from me. I am tired trying to cooperate with you folks. You lay as much as a widow hand nailed on me and I gonna spread word around about you, kiddo.
Junior
What word?
Anita Ellis
Yeah, I tell Mr. Petrillo that you've been making bootleg phonograph records for it.
Junior
Ooh, that's not true.
Anita Ellis
Oh no? Hey Verna, pull the shades down. We're ready to cut a platter.
Junior
Okay, but remember, if anybody asks you.
Anita Ellis
We made them in Mexico. That does it.
Dave Rose
Oh, Julie. Now order your rule.
Anita Ellis
Foreign.
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Harold's Old Time Radio Episode Summary: Red Skelton Show 48-01-20 Ep083 "Willy Lump Lump, The Fighter (Chapter 1)" Release Date: July 25, 2025
The episode kicks off with Rod O'Connor and Dave Rose leading their orchestra, setting a lively and engaging tone reminiscent of the Golden Age of Radio. The hosts seamlessly blend musical performances with comedic dialogues, capturing the essence of family-oriented radio entertainment before the advent of television.
Rod and Dave open the show with light-hearted conversation, touching upon everyday topics such as the high cost of living. Their witty exchange immediately establishes a rapport that resonates with listeners.
This segment highlights their ability to infuse humor into mundane subjects, making the conversation relatable and entertaining.
The hosts delve into humorous observations about parenting and generational differences, showcasing their sharp wit and comedic timing.
This playful banter underscores the timeless nature of family dynamics and generational gaps, providing listeners with both laughter and nostalgia.
The centerpiece of the episode is the introduction of Willy Lump Lump, a lovable fighter character, in the first chapter of his story. Dave Rose portrays Roderick the Russian Killer, setting the stage for a comedic showdown.
The sketch revolves around Roderick's desperate attempt to earn $200 to pay rent by entering a fight at Knockabout Stadium. Despite his lack of fighting prowess, Roderick's antics and overconfidence provide ample comedic material.
The interactions between Roderick and Willie are filled with humor derived from Roderick's misguided confidence and Willie's skepticism.
As the scene progresses, the tension builds towards the impending fight, with both characters' quirks shining through.
The buildup to the fight is marked by exaggerated preparations and comedic mishaps, highlighting the absurdity of Roderick's fighting skills.
The fight itself is a blend of slapstick humor and witty dialogue, keeping listeners entertained with unexpected twists and humorous outcomes.
Interspersed between comedic segments are performances by Anita Ellis, whose musical interludes provide a pleasant contrast to the humor-heavy dialogues. Her songs enhance the overall nostalgic feel of the show, appealing to a wide audience.
Throughout the episode, the dynamic between Rod, Dave, and Anita creates a rich tapestry of humor that is both character-driven and situational. Their impeccable timing and chemistry elevate the comedic elements, making each interaction memorable.
These moments not only advance the storyline but also invite listeners to return for future installments, fostering a sense of anticipation and continuity.
The episode concludes with a humorous wrap-up, teasing the continuation of Willie Lump Lump's adventures in the next chapter. The blend of comedy, music, and engaging dialogue ensures listeners are left eagerly awaiting more.
This episode of the Red Skelton Show masterfully combines humor, character development, and musical interludes to create an engaging and entertaining listening experience. The introduction of Willie Lump Lump sets the stage for a series of comedic adventures, while the hosts' interactions provide depth and relatability. Notable quotes and well-timed jokes ensure the episode is both memorable and enjoyable for those new and familiar with the show alike.
Notable Quotes with Timestamps:
This detailed summary captures the essence of "Willy Lump Lump, The Fighter (Chapter 1)" by highlighting key interactions, humorous exchanges, and the overall structure of the episode, making it a comprehensive guide for listeners who haven't tuned in.