Red Skelton Show 52-06-18 (368) Cauliflower Fights Tonight

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Red Skelton Show 52-06-18 (368) "Cauliflower Fights Tonight"

Date: August 30, 2025
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Original Airdate: June 18, 1952

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Overview

This episode features a full-length rebroadcast of the classic "Red Skelton Show," titled "Cauliflower Fights Tonight." The show is a comedic farce centered around Red Skelton’s recurring character Cauliflower McPug, a not-so-bright prizefighter caught up in confusion, gangsters, and a big boxing match. The episode delivers a barrage of rapid-fire one-liners, slapstick, and musical interludes, evocative of the radio comedy style that captivated mid-century American audiences.

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Key Discussion Points and Highlights

1. The Setup: Red's Prizefighter Predicament

[02:21–04:50]

• Red Skelton talks with Mr. Fret about his new acquisition: the punch-drunk prizefighter Cauliflower McPug.
• Skelton reveals he’s in a bind: after boasting about McPug’s fighting prowess, a gangster named Trigger Happy McGeehan bets $50,000 on McPug and threatens Red if he loses the fight.
• Quote:

  "Pay attention. This is the plot. That dopey gangster believed it and he bet $50,000 on McPug to win. And then he threatens to kill me if I don't pay off if McPug loses the fight."
  — Red Skelton [02:58]

2. Trigger Happy McGeehan’s Threats

[03:39–04:28]

• Trigger Happy McGeehan checks in over the phone, making it clear he’s watching Red and expects his money if the fight doesn’t go his way.
• The exchange is full of tongue-in-cheek threats and classic gangster bravado.
• Quote:

  "If McPug loses, you'd better have my 50 grand ready."
  — Trigger Happy McGeehan [03:53]

3. Red and Company Plan an Escape

[09:41–10:43]

• Red is nervous; Rod O’Connor and Mr. Fret try to devise a way out, suggesting life insurance companies as a joke.
• The humor pivots on Red’s panic and his friends’ dry wit.
• Quote:

  "Well, what do you suggest now?"
  — Red Skelton
  "Oh, I don't know. Prudential and Metropolitan are both good."
  — Rod O'Connor [10:20]

4. Dead Eye Texas Arrives

[11:17–15:05]

• The tough-talking cowboy Dead Eye Texas (another of Skelton's characters) appears, looking for Trigger Happy McGeehan.
• Several slapstick gags follow: bending metal with his teeth, absurd drink recipes, and more.
• Quote:

  "I'll have to turn sideways. You see, this door is a little narrow..."
  — Dead Eye Texas/Red Skelton [12:00]
  "You know, he's wanted down in Texas...for robbery, murder and stealing two drums of TNT and selling oil stock. That's no good. Phony."
  — Dead Eye Texas/Red Skelton [12:36]

5. Escape to the Fight – and Car Troubles

[17:13–18:36]

• Red, Mr. Fret, and Rod attempt to get to the fight, using Mr. Fret’s decrepit car.
• The vehicle’s poor state becomes a running gag.
• Quote:

  "Me buy him a new car? Look, boy, I got news for you. I got a wife, two kids and a tax collector to support."
  — Red Skelton [17:33]

6. Pre-Fight Musical Number

[19:20–21:42]

• The Smith Twins and Dead Eye Texas perform "When I Dream," serving as the lighthearted, melodic interlude typical of the era’s variety shows.
• Notable moment: The group sings comedic and romantic verses, reinforcing the good-natured tone before the climactic boxing match.

7. Backstage Antics and Fight Preparations

[22:51–25:37]

• Backstage banter as Cauliflower McPug prepares for the big fight. McPug’s punchy confusion, nonsensical logic, and misunderstanding of boxing rules (Queensberry rules) take center stage.
• Several gags revolve around McPug's state of mind and readiness.
• Quote:

  "I'm not punchy. Don't get me wrong, I never forget my biggest fight..."
  — Cauliflower McPug/Red Skelton [24:01]
  "My pants are a little tight under the armpit."
  — Cauliflower McPug/Red Skelton [25:02]

8. The Big Fight: Slapstick at Its Finest

[25:55–28:48]

• The actual fight is absurd: Cauliflower is hopelessly outmatched, the ring is full of confusion, and the action is carried by a storm of Groucho Marx-style one-liners.
• Highlights include a “horseshoe in the glove for luck,” a call to “open the window and let them crows out,” and Cauliflower swinging wildly, never landing a punch.
• Quote:

  "Fight. What do you want for 50 cents a revolution?"
  — Cauliflower McPug/Red Skelton [28:05]

9. Climax: Showdown with Trigger Happy McGeehan

[28:53–30:25]

• After the fight ends farcically, Trigger Happy McGeehan confronts Red, but Dead Eye Texas takes charge, orchestrating a comic “shootout” to disarm the gangster.
• The gangsters’ antics, jokes about TNT, and Dead Eye’s definitive justice wrap up the mayhem.
• Quote:

  "I'll blast you full of ad libs."
  — Red Skelton [28:58]
  "Now, I'll use my high powered pistol and try to hit that flask of TNT that he's carrying in his back pocket..."
  — Dead Eye Texas/Red Skelton [29:24]
  "Well, Skelton's safe... That's where you're wrong, partner. We Texas Rangers always bring back our man. You got a blotter?"
  — Dead Eye Texas/Red Skelton [30:01, 30:05]

10. Closing Remarks and Next Week's Teaser

[30:25–31:15]

• The show ends with standard radio sign-offs and a reminder for listeners to tune in next week for more Red Skelton comedy.

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Notable Quotes

• "Pay attention. This is the plot..." — Red Skelton [02:58]
• "If McPug loses, you'd better have my 50 grand ready." — Trigger Happy McGeehan [03:53]
• "Oh, I don't know. Prudential and Metropolitan are both good." — Rod O'Connor [10:20]
• "My pants are a little tight under the armpit." — Cauliflower McPug/Red Skelton [25:02]
• "Fight. What do you want for 50 cents a revolution?" — Cauliflower McPug/Red Skelton [28:05]
• "I'll blast you full of ad libs." — Red Skelton [28:58]
• "We Texas Rangers always bring back our man. You got a blotter?" — Dead Eye Texas/Red Skelton [30:05]

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Memorable Moments

• The absurd recipe for a “Texas Humdinger” drink [13:50]
• Musical interlude with the Smith Twins and Dead Eye Texas singing “When I Dream” [19:20–21:42]
• Cauliflower’s nonsensical fight preparations and rules misunderstandings [24:01–25:37]
• The slapstick “boxing match” and its farcical resolution [25:55–28:48]
• Red threatening to defend himself with “ad libs” and Dead Eye’s over-the-top lawman bravado [28:53–30:05]

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Classic Red Skelton Humor in Context

• The show is packed with Skelton’s signature blend of corny puns, double entendre, playful physical humor (described vividly for a radio audience), and zany situations.
• The variety format (comedy, music, sketches) reflects the era’s style and its family-friendly, communal listening experience.

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For Listeners

This episode is a classic dose of wholesome, slapstick Americana, brimming with nostalgia and the clever wordplay that made Red Skelton a household name. If you enjoy sharp-witted, character-driven farce with retro flair, "Cauliflower Fights Tonight" is a perfect showcase from the Golden Age of Radio.

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Transcript

[Wayfair Announcer]

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Are you sitting down?

[Red Skelton]

Good.

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[Red Skelton]

This is CBS the Stars address.

[Rod O'Connor]

The CBS Radio Network proudly presents the Red Skeleton Show.

[Narrator/Announcer]

For the next half hour, we invite you to laugh your head off with Clem Caddlehopper, Willie Lump Lump Dead Eye, the western cowboy, cauliflower McPug Jr. The mean little kid, San Fernando Red the politician and all the other hilarious characters portrayed by you know who on the transcribed Red Skelton Show.

[Rod O'Connor]

Orchestra. To Laureen Pettle, Pat McGee and Dick Ryan and the Smith twins will be me, Rod o'. Connor. From the Skeleton Scrapbook of satire, we present a story entitled Cauliflower Fights Tonight. And it stars Metro Golden Mayor's Red skelton.

[Mr. Fret]

Good morning, Mr. Scouser.

[Red Skelton]

Hey, Mr. Fret. Are those the morning papers?

[Mr. Fret]

Yes, but I think you'd better skip the sport page.

[Red Skelton]

Why?

[Mr. Fret]

Well, there's a picture of that punch drunk prize fighter you bought. That cauliflower make Pug excited.

[Red Skelton]

Oh, pardon me. Let's see. I read what's there. It says excited. Let's see. Oh boy. You know, to think of the trouble I almost got myself into when I bought this guy.

[Mr. Fret]

Oh yeah? What happened?

[Red Skelton]

Well, remember I told the press what a great fighter he was and then that dopey gangster, he actually believed it. So he bet $50,000. Pay attention. This is the plot. That dopey gangster believed it and he bet $50,000 on MCPUG to win. And then he threatens to kill me if I don't pay off if McPug loses the fight.

[Mr. Fret]

Yes, but what if McPug loses?

[Red Skelton]

That's just it.

[Narrator/Announcer]

He won't lose.

[Red Skelton]

Because Rod O' Connor is going to make him get out of town excited. I'll get it. Hello, Red Skelton speaking.

[Trigger Happy McGeehan]

Hello, you big windbag. Look, this is trigger happy McGeehan. Yeah, I just called to let you know I'm keeping my eye on you until after the fight tonight. And if McPug loses, you'd better have my 50 grand ready.

[Red Skelton]

Oh, well, look, you'll get your money back, all right? Don't worry. There, there. There's not going to be a fight. You see, McPug's not going to show up tonight.

[Trigger Happy McGeehan]

I've got news for you, blabbermouth. I talk to McPug, and he's going to be there. And you better have my money or else.

[Red Skelton]

You sound like a real killer. Yeah, a real man killer.

[Rod O'Connor]

I am.

[Trigger Happy McGeehan]

But in your case, I'll make an exception.

[Red Skelton]

Oh.

[Mr. Fret]

Tell me what's. What's wrong, Mr. Skelton.

[Red Skelton]

That guy, he just said that MCPUG is going to go through with a fight.

[Mr. Fret]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Red Skelton]

And if I don't return his losses, he's going to take me for a walk.

[Mr. Fret]

Oh, no. You mean a ride.

[Red Skelton]

No, a walk. Have you seen those prices on those used cars?

[Mr. Fret]

Well, now, you just calm down. Goodness, I've never seen anyone so high strung.

[Red Skelton]

Oh, you should have seen my grandfather.

[Mr. Fret]

Oh, was he high strung?

[Red Skelton]

Along with six other politicians.

[Mr. Fret]

Well, if I were you, I'd try and relax. Maybe you'd feel better if I put on a David Rose record. You know, a new one came today.

[Red Skelton]

Oh, it did? Well, put it on, will you? Music helps me to think. Sam, Ram.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Red Skelton will be back in a moment. In the meantime, this is Roy Rowan reminding you that your radio makes it possible for you to hear history as it happens. With pre convention excitement taking hold across the country and radio listeners looking forward to thorough convention coverage, it's interesting to note that it was only 32 years ago that radio brought its first election to the public. That was in 1920. Today, radio's complete convention and election coverage are a standard and valuable part of election years. On Monday, July 7, the Republican convention begins in Chicago. CBS Radio will bring you continuous coverage by the famous CBS Radio news staff, including Edward R. Murrow, Robert Trout, Lowell Thomas, Eric Severode, Larry Le sir, and many other outstanding reporters. Starting Monday, July 7th on CBS Radio, you will hear history as it happens at the Republican Convention. And now for tonight's convention of comedy, back to Red Skelton.

[Mr. Fret]

How do you feel now, Mr. Skelton?

[Red Skelton]

I'm worried about that silly McPug trying to fight.

[Mr. Fret]

Oh, I wish there was something I could do to help you.

[Red Skelton]

Yes? Oh, somebody's at the door. Yeah, I'll hide. Who moved that cellar door?

[Mr. Fret]

It's at the other end of the hall. Now, calm down. It's only Rod o'.

[Red Skelton]

Connor.

[Rod O'Connor]

Oh, hi, friend.

[Red Skelton]

Oh, comer, come here. I thought you were going to talk this mcpug into leaving town. I thought you were going to do that for me.

[Rod O'Connor]

Well, I did, but he refused to leave. I talked to him.

[Red Skelton]

Yeah, but didn't you tell him if he fights and loses that we're both going to get bumped off?

[Rod O'Connor]

Yeah, I told him.

[Red Skelton]

You did?

[Rod O'Connor]

Mm.

[Red Skelton]

Well, what do you suggest now?

[Rod O'Connor]

Oh, I don't know. Prudential and Metropolitan are both good.

[Red Skelton]

They help his jokes along. He has ad libs. All.

[Rod O'Connor]

Well, pull yourself together. You're a man, aren't you?

[Red Skelton]

Well, I guess I think I'm a man.

[Rod O'Connor]

What makes you think so?

[Red Skelton]

Well, I always get a seat on the bus. It's not good, but it's better than what's here. Somebody's at the door. Don't let them in. Don't let them in. Pete, through the door for us. See who it is. Will you See who it is? That cellar is still at the other end of the hall.

[Rod O'Connor]

Well, now, calm down, boy. I won't let anyone hurt you. Oh, I'll fight to the last drop of blood.

[Red Skelton]

What was that?

[Rod O'Connor]

That was it. Hey, look, I'll hide and I'll peek out. Hey, it's a cowboy. And he's so bowlegged, he could sit down, stand.

[Red Skelton]

Yes, honey. Is this where Red Skeleton lives?

[Dead Eye Texas]

Yes.

[Red Skelton]

Yeah, I'm Dead Eye Texas, Deadeye. And I aim to go back to Texas just soon as the smog thins out so I can aim myself in the right direction.

[Rod O'Connor]

Now, come on in.

[Red Skelton]

Yeah, I'll have to turn sideways. You see, this door is a little narrow.

[Rod O'Connor]

Boy, you sure are bullying.

[Red Skelton]

Oh, that's nothing. You should see my girl. Yeah, when she runs. She looks like an eight beater. Say, got a picture here. Tell me, have you ever seen this Ombre hombre?

[Rod O'Connor]

Why, yeah, That's Trigger Happy McGeehan.

[Red Skelton]

Yeah. You know, he's wanted down in Texas. We've been looking for him for some time now. He's wanted for robbery, murder and stealing two drums of TNT and selling oil stock. That's no good. Phony.

[Rod O'Connor]

Well, you'll probably get him tonight at Cauliflower's Fight. But be careful. You know, he's a pretty tough customer.

[Red Skelton]

Yeah. Stranger, you're talking one of the toughest humbreys that ever.

[Rod O'Connor]

Ever what?

[Red Skelton]

You name it, I'll back it up. Boy, look. You see that poker in the fireplace over there?

[Rod O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Red Skelton]

You hand it to me, I'll show you something.

[Rod O'Connor]

Okay.

[Red Skelton]

Very few people can do this, but I'm gonna take that poker and I'm gonna bend it with my teeth, Texas style. Well, it's a good thing us Texans ain't big eaters. Most toothless.

[Rod O'Connor]

After that, how about a drink?

[Red Skelton]

Okay. Give me one of them Texas Humdingers.

[Rod O'Connor]

What's that?

[Red Skelton]

That's 3 parts gin, 5 parts bay rum, a can of Sterno and a half a gallon of wood alcohol. And serve it in a chilled stove saddle bag with a spray of poison ivy and an olive if you have one.

[Rod O'Connor]

Well, tell me what happens to you after that drink.

[Red Skelton]

Well, after the first drink, you hear a herd of horses going by.

[Rod O'Connor]

And what happens on the second drink?

[Red Skelton]

You hop on one of them around the rest of Say, oh, where's this guy Skelton?

[Rod O'Connor]

Oh, he's safe.

[Red Skelton]

Good. Will you tell him to hide until that I get that McGeean guy, will you tell him to go somewhere far away?

[Rod O'Connor]

Where do you think he should go?

[Red Skelton]

He's a Yankee, ain't he? Yeah. Well, just tell him to head for Texas. They'll tell him where to go. Look, now, I'll see you right after the fight.

[Rod O'Connor]

All right, but be careful. You know, that McGee is a killer.

[Red Skelton]

Don't worry about me. I'm fast on the draw. And this is a hair trigger gun I got. What's this? We got to do something about that dander, don't we, huh? Well, so long, partner. What do you know? I fell down the cellar. The front door must be at the other end of the hall. Now, you stick close to the scout with you, and I'll keep my eye on that McGee boy.

[Rod O'Connor]

Hey, Skelton, come on out. He's gone.

[Red Skelton]

Okay.

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[Red Skelton]

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[Rod O'Connor]

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[Wayfair Announcer]

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[Red Skelton]

Fantastic.

[Wayfair Announcer]

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[Red Skelton]

Boy, I hope that guy gets them before that guy gets me.

[Rod O'Connor]

Well, it's about time for the cauliflower fight. Shall we go?

[Mr. Fret]

And you can use my car in case you're followed. Of course. It's just a runabout.

[Rod O'Connor]

Runabout?

[Red Skelton]

Yeah. There's no floorboard.

[Rod O'Connor]

Why don't you buy Mr. Fred a new car?

[Red Skelton]

Me buy him a new car?

[Rod O'Connor]

Sure.

[Red Skelton]

Look, boy, I got news for you. I got a wife, two kids and a tax collector to support. Come on.

[Rod O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Red Skelton]

There's the car.

[Narrator/Announcer]

You'll have to crawl through the window.

[Red Skelton]

The door don't open.

[Rod O'Connor]

You know something? This is the first Lincoln I've ever seen with a beard.

[Red Skelton]

Yeah. You know, this car's so old. Yeah, you have to put saratan in the gas tank.

[Rod O'Connor]

Hey, I think the motor's getting a little hot.

[Red Skelton]

Oh, there goes Old Faithful again.

[Rod O'Connor]

Let's park this bucket of bolts.

[Red Skelton]

Okay. There's a parking space.

[Rod O'Connor]

Oh, you can't get this tanker in there.

[Red Skelton]

Oh, who can?

[Rod O'Connor]

You can't.

[Red Skelton]

I'm an expert. I'll show you.

[Rod O'Connor]

Patience is on.

[Red Skelton]

Made it with that packard. Sure put up a great fight. Hey, hey. Duck down.

[Rod O'Connor]

Did you see who I saw?

[Red Skelton]

Oh, no.

[Rod O'Connor]

McGean.

[Red Skelton]

Oh, no.

[Rod O'Connor]

Oh, yes. Come on a hurry. We'll duck into this fighter's entrance.

[Red Skelton]

You go in. I'm going to stay here. I'll stay in the car and listen to the fight on the radio.

[Rod O'Connor]

And before the fight, I understand that the Smith twins are going to sing. When I dream.

[Smith Twins]

I never run When I can walk, I never walk When I can sit me down I never sit me down When I can go to sleep.

[Dead Eye Texas]

Cause when I sleep, I always dream. And when I dream, I always dream of you.

[Smith Twins]

I never swim when I can float. I never float. When I can sail a boat. I never sail a boat. When I can drift and dream.

[Dead Eye Texas]

Cause when I drift, I always dream. And when I dream, I always dream of you. And there you are. A million stars above you. And that's how many times I say I love you.

[Smith Twins]

I never talk when I can sing. I never sing. When I can kiss your lips. And when I kiss your lips.

[Dead Eye Texas]

I always close my eyes. And when I close my eyes, I dream. And when I dream, I always dream of you. And there you are. A million stars above you. And that's how many times I say I love you.

[Smith Twins]

I never talk when I can sing I never sing. When I can kiss your lips. And when I kiss your lips. I always close my eyes.

[Dead Eye Texas]

And when I close my eyes, I dream. And when I sleep, I always dream. And when I drift, I always dream. And when I dream, I dream of you.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Red Skelton will be back in a moment. Meanwhile, I have the pleasure of presenting a gentleman whose distinguished voice you'll hear every Sunday this summer on CBS Radio.

[Red Skelton]

Hi, this is your. If you're not donating Sunday night, just give us a listen on CBS Radio. I'll be on with my friend Frank Fontaine. I won't be doing anything. I'll be just hanging around, not doing anything. You know, if I ain't got nothing to do, I'll be just hanging around, not doing anything. I'll be there with you, Frank, huh? Yes, you certainly will, John. So give us a little listen on CBS Radio. He's a goofy guy.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes. Give a little listen to the goofy great comedy on the Frank Fontaine show every Sunday this summer on CBS Radio. Now back to Red Skelton.

[Red Skelton]

Hey, fat boy.

[Rod O'Connor]

Yeah, hi, Dead eye. What's up?

[Red Skelton]

McKean just came in and I'm keeping him covered.

[Rod O'Connor]

Hey, where you going? I'm going in to see Cauliflower.

[Mr. Fret]

Sorry, nobody can see him. He's in his dressing room. You can identify the body through the regular channels. At the morgue after the fight.

[Rod O'Connor]

O', Connor, one of his managers.

[Mr. Fret]

Oh, well, then go right on in.

[Red Skelton]

Yeah, I'm in there tonight. Boy. Boy, I sure hope I'm as good as my manager, Red Skelton said I am. That's how I was. Oh, you'll be all right, sugar.

[Rod O'Connor]

Who's this Cauliflower, a new girl?

[Red Skelton]

No, it's the same one. I just had a repaint it.

[Rod O'Connor]

All right outside, sister.

[Red Skelton]

Hey, what you do excited about? You act like this is the first time I was ever in the ring.

[Rod O'Connor]

Kid, that's the trouble. You've been in there too long. You hear birds and bells.

[Red Skelton]

Look, but don't get me wrong. When I hear boards and bells, I'll give up the old fight game. Boy, I'm not punchy. Don't get me wrong, I never forget my biggest fight. I walk it. Can we get out of this, Avery? Of driving me.

[Rod O'Connor]

Oh, brother, you really flipped your lid.

[Red Skelton]

Oh, yeah? You think I flipped my lid, huh?

[Rod O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Red Skelton]

You think I'm really going to?

[Rod O'Connor]

I really do.

[Red Skelton]

I got news for you. You ought to see them rattlers that I wound up with.

[Rod O'Connor]

Wrestlers.

[Red Skelton]

Oh, them poor Turkers. They're really gone, them guys, they're really gone.

[Rod O'Connor]

What's the matter with them?

[Red Skelton]

You've heard people about going being these guys are really gone. And if you tell them they were gone, they would ask you when are they coming back? You know, I tell you about my big fight?

[Rod O'Connor]

No.

[Red Skelton]

We were fighting under the Marquess of Queensberry rules, you see, that's tonight. That's tonight. And there's no hitting below the belt, is there?

[Rod O'Connor]

Yeah. Are you all right?

[Red Skelton]

I'm okay. Court. My pants are a little tight under the armpit.

[Rod O'Connor]

I'll be in your corner with a bucket of water and a towel.

[Red Skelton]

Do what?

[Rod O'Connor]

I said, I'll be in your corner with a bucket of water and a towel.

[Red Skelton]

Look, boy, I'm going in there to fight, not to take a bath. I heard they're singing, but no one is there.

[Rod O'Connor]

Oh, boy, this is going to be murder.

[Red Skelton]

Yeah, well. What? How do you like that? Oh, good heaven for a fight. Bell are using Big Ben. How do you like that?

[Rod O'Connor]

Okay, go on, get into the ring.

[Red Skelton]

Okay, boy, it's yours. A long walk from the dressing room to the ring, isn't it?

[Rod O'Connor]

What are you yelling about? We've got to carry you back.

[Red Skelton]

Dave, would you do me a favor?

[Rod O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Red Skelton]

When the bell ring, aim me at the other guy that I'm to fight and give me a little chub, will you?

[Rod O'Connor]

Well, that's him over there. And watch him because he's as strong as a Knox.

[Red Skelton]

Yeah, he may be stronger, but I'm dumber.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Boy.

[Red Skelton]

Hey, boy, one of the boys must have got knocked out cold. I hear an ambulance coming. What's that? Is it a raid? Everybody run every.

[Rod O'Connor]

No, no. Come back here and sit down.

[Smith Twins]

Ladies and gentlemen, in this corner, CAF.

[Red Skelton]

MCPUG at 132 pounds and in this corner, slugger Hercules. Weighs 294 pounds, 6 ounces. Looks like it's going to be an even battle all the way.

[Rod O'Connor]

Okay, now get to the center of the ring for your instructions.

[Red Skelton]

Yeah.

[Mr. Fret]

All right, gentlemen, now let's feel your gloves.

[Red Skelton]

Hey.

[Mr. Fret]

Hey, what is this, McPug? A horseshoe. And your glove?

[Red Skelton]

Well, I always carry one for luck.

[Mr. Fret]

Now, you fellas know all the rules. I want this to be a nice, clean fight.

[Red Skelton]

Yeah.

[Mr. Fret]

You got that, Cauliflower?

[Red Skelton]

I got it, I got it. All I want to know is when do I take the dive?

[Mr. Fret]

All right now, man, back to your corner.

[Red Skelton]

Okay, start swinging, boy. Come on. Come on. What's the matter with you? Why don't you hit me? Come on. What's the matter? You afraid of something?

[Smith Twins]

Come on.

[Red Skelton]

No, no, no.

[Mr. Fret]

I had a loud to.

[Red Skelton]

You silly jerk.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I'm the referee.

[Mr. Fret]

Now, when you start fighting, the bell already rang.

[Red Skelton]

Yeah? Well, then open the window and let them crows out of here. Boy, they're making too much noise. I can't even hear the bell when it rings.

[Rod O'Connor]

Oh, brother.

[Red Skelton]

Look, boy, if you're trying to beat my brains out, you're wasting your time. I got.

[Smith Twins]

Come on. Fight, Cauliflower. Fight.

[Red Skelton]

Fight. What do you want for 50 cents a revolution?

[Smith Twins]

Hit him back. Hit him back.

[Red Skelton]

What do you mean, hit him back? In this position, I have no right to make enemies, believe me. Hey, am I hitting him?

[Rod O'Connor]

No, but keep swinging. He might get pneumonia from the breeze.

[Red Skelton]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

[Smith Twins]

The winner.

[Trigger Happy McGeehan]

Okay, fat boy, now just walk in front of me and lead me to that redheaded blabber.

[Red Skelton]

Yeah, you keep walking too, wise guy, or I'll blast you full of ad libs. Oh, yeah?

[Rod O'Connor]

Stand back.

[Red Skelton]

Don't anybody touch me. Now, listen, folks, this is a can of tnt. Who. Anybody tries to stop me from getting away, I'll blow you to bits.

[Rod O'Connor]

Hey, he's getting away.

[Red Skelton]

I know. I'm just letting him get outside the arena. Come on, boy.

[Rod O'Connor]

Hey, there he goes across that vacant lot.

[Red Skelton]

Yeah. Show you how us Texas Rangers work. Now, I'll use my high powered pistol and try to hit that flask of TNT that he's carrying in his back pocket. Oh, wrong pocket. Now I'll try the other one. We'll show Nevada a thing or two.

[Rod O'Connor]

Well, you got him, dead eye.

[Red Skelton]

Yep.

[Rod O'Connor]

Well, Skelton's safe and you won't have to bother about taking him back to Texas.

[Red Skelton]

That's where you're wrong, partner. We Texas Rangers always bring back our man. You got a blotter.

[Narrator/Announcer]

You've been listening to the Red Skelton Show. Remember that every single historic moment of the 1952 political conventions will be brought to you by CBS Radio's crack corps of news correspondents starting Monday, July 7th at the Republican Convention in Chicago. You will hear history as it happens, and it will happen on your radio this Sunday and every Sunday this summer. Take a radio wherever you go and hear comedy history being made on the Frank Fontaine Show. Red Skelton will return again next Wednesday night. In the meantime, wherever you go, make sure radio goes with you because every day is Fun Day on CBS Radio.

[Rod O'Connor]

Join us again next week for the Red Skeleton Show. Skeleton has heard in this program through the courtesy of Metro Golden Mayor Studios. This is a copyrighted feature Transcribed from Hollywood this is the CBS Radio Network.

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