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Richard Barton - General Practitioner 1998-07-18 episode 1
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Richard Barton - General Practitioner 1998-07-18 episode 1
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Richard Barton
If your job at a healthcare facility includes disinfecting against viruses, you know prevention is the best medicine. And maintaining healthy spaces starts with a healthy cleaning routine. Grainger's world class supply chain helps ensure you have the quality products you need when you need them. From disinfectants and cleaning supplies to personal protective equipment so you can help deliver a clean bill of health. Call 1-800-GRAINGER click granger.com or just stop by Click Granger for the ones who get it done. Unaware that Jock Anderson has already been given the Secret Serum by Dr. Fez and is now completely under the control of the mad German genius, Dick Barton struggles to free himself from the small wooden chair he is tied to shock. Quick, man. While Spez is out of the room answering a telephone. Untie my hands and help me out from his chair. I cannot. Oh, Billy. What are you talking about, Chuck? For God's sake, untie my hands. You are wasting your time, Barton. I have administered the serum to your friend and now he is completely into my control. You won't get away with this. That is where you are mistaken. Once you have taken this pill, you too will be programmed to obey my every word. I'm warning you, Fez, this won't work. Tell Captain Barton it is time to take his pillow. Time to take your pill. Time to take your pill. Time to take. What the devil's going on? Time to take your pill, sir. Jock must have been dreamy. Where am I? You're at Richard and Sally, sir. Don't you remember? Now just sit up, take your pill. Damn pills. You'll have me rattling like a beggar's cup. You were a tricky operation, sir. Peace and quiet. That's what the doctor ordered and that's what you're going to get, like it or no. Well, stop clacking like a mother hen and get me a cup of tea then. It's on your bedside table, sir. Here's your paper. I'll leave you to it. I'll bring you up a poached egg. Lost my appetite. Well, do your best, eh? Not too runny then. And a rasher of bacon. Just the one. A rasher of bacon. And a kidney. I'll have a kidney right there. And Jock? Bit of fried bread. Partial to a bit of fried bread. Morning, Jock. How is he? Oh, you know the old boy, Sally. Halfway between difficult and despotic. Can I make him some breakfast before I go? My train's not till 12. My fridge is your fridge, Jock. Who is it? Plumber. Hold on. It's like that Fort Knott's place, down America. No need for all that kind of thing, Mrs. Barton, not around here. Can't be too careful. Never know, do you? And that doggy yours? Friendly, is it? Don't mind Ralph. He's electronic, part of the security package. Long as you switch this teeth. I'll say, Mrs. B. I don't suppose you've got kidneys, have you, Sally? Kidneys? I'll have to nip out. J. J, Sir. I might manage a grill tomato and some deer. Pellings. Right, Mrs. Cadwallader, what can we do for you? To be honest, it's really rather awkward. It isn't me, you see. It's Archie. Archie? The tablets you gave him. Yes, the multivitamins. Exactly. Is there a problem? Side effects. Side effects? Yes. Can't you prescribe something that gives him a little less zip? I'm sorry, I don't follow. So he doesn't make a nuisance of himself. Ah. I thought that Archie and I had settled for a life of amiable monotony. Now he wants me swinging from the chandeliers. I mean, what are you feeding him, raw testosterone? Multivitamins, that's all. To give him a boost. A boost? I only wanted him to come walking with me like we used to. Not chase me all over the ruddy common. He's a wild man. I'm 71 years old, Dr. Barton. I can't be expected to bend over the ironing board, not at my age. It's just a course of vitamins, Mrs. Goodw. Frankly, I can't see how the tablets alone could give your husband this, his drive. It's my fault, is it? What do you think I've been up to, Doctor? Slipping down the bedroom like some septuagenarian madonna. I've no doubt there's a perfectly simple explanation. Really. Let me pop around first thing next week and have a look, see him. Oh, would you? I'd be most awfully grateful. Do you know, it's been like a breath of fresh air since you took over from old Willoughby. Silly bugger. Couldn't tell an aspirin from an enema. You'd be better off with a vet. Well, you know what they say. What's that, Mrs. De. Brother. Right. Monday morning, then. Look forward to it. Excuse me. Do you think you could park your sheep at the side of the road there? I'm in a bit of a dash. Where are you off through there? I'm a bit lost, actually. I was looking for Tesco's. Tesco's? I feel as though to the ring road here. My missus won't go near the place. Is it. Is it nearby? Aye, she don't like anything different my Audrey. I say why don't you try this? He says I don't like trying nothing I haven't tried before. I say well that's clever isn't it? I mean everybody thought like you we wouldn't have nothing. We wouldn't have penicillin for a start. That's right. And where would we be without penicillin? I say tell me that. Wouldn't I know what's to me says Audrey I'm allergic. There's a best ways nearby. That's a bit of a supermarket you see only smaller. It's more like a shop. Is it easy to get to best way? Well it depends. I mean if you had four wheel drive you could cut across Belloc's field there. He won't mind, he's. He's dead see. Otherwise you'll have to turn back on yourself. Go through Beggar speed. Oh I should find my husband who supposed to eat for lunch. That's one of them mobile job isn't it? That's right. Mind if I ever go? Our Jason wanted one of them for his birthday. I said you'll have a cricket bat and like it. Hello Audrey here, guess what? I'm on one of them. Watch them call it. You know like I heard Jason want. Hello. Hello here Is something wrong with her? Just a reception. It comes and goes. Can I. Can I? Do you mind if I. Mr. Barton? Hello, it's me. How are you? What are you up to? Where are you Sal? I got lost looking for kidneys. Come here Major. Say again. Come here Kidneys. Listen Rich, I'm going to be late. Are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine. How's dad? Has he got his typewriter by the way? Let him in bed. Index finger poised over the keys, ready to strip. Whilst looking for the chemical formula for the serum developed by mad German scientist Dr. Fez. Whilst looking for the chemical formula for the serum developed by mad German scientist Dr. Fez Dick Barton and Jock Anderson have been discovered by armed guards at the secret installation. Look out sir. Behind you. Are you all right sir? Not to water Jock, just a flesh wound. Better take cover quick behind these oil drums. Bit of a tight sport. We've been in tight spots before, old friend. Now if we could just make our way towards that trap door. Right, in you go Jock, quick as you can. Watch out, they're after us. What the. What the devil. What the deuce is going on? All right, boss. Who the dickens are you? I'm the plumber. Plumber? You don't look like a plumber to me. You're far too young. Where's your certificate? My what? Certificate. Articles, identification. What's this? Am I blooming five? I came to fix the bog. That's all right, Doctor. Richard. What can I do you for? Hello, Marge. Just a tomato juice or something. Got a hell of an afternoon. Tomato juice. I say. Bit different from old Willoughby butchering a bow tie, he was. Liked his sauce. All old legs left under a bit of a cloud. He did really well. You know what they say. Oh, Professor. Don't tell me. Pint of old platy and a cheese cob. Am I right? Ah, Margery, as ever, your short term recall facility is in perfect working order. Yeah, O. I don't know what you're on about, professor, but it. Do not get me started. Richard Barton. Nice to meet you. So you are taking over from Dr. Willoughby. Poor Willoughby. A tragedy. Well, I. Well, you know what they say. What exactly do they say? How are you liking the country life? Me? Oh, that's brilliant. I love it. So, what brings you to Appleton? I was looking for somewhere out of the way to set up my research on the research. Ah, really? What's your field? Clinical psychology. And developing a new therapy system. Accessing the positive energy within us all at the expense of the negative. So you're saying it's possible to take a psychopath and turn him into a philanthropist, Is that it? Something like that, yeah. Within every rebel is a desire to conform. Inside every recluse, we have a party animal. No, it's a question of diametrics. I call it my diametric. The car thing is playing up again. Every time I turn the radio off, the bloody thing goes bananas. Sal, I told you, disconnect it. We don't need it. I need it. All right. Mitch, can you do something? It's out there terrifying the wildlife. Okay, no problem. Mrs. Barton, I'm very pleased to meet you. Hans Fassbinder. Sorry? Oh, yes. Sorry. You haven't. Haven't seen my bag anywhere, have you? No, I wouldn't have left it in the car. I never leave it in the car. That's just asking for trouble. I only put it down a second ago and someone's walked off with it. Oh, why does it always happen to me? I might suggest, Mrs. Barton, could it be the one hanging from your shoulder, sir? Ah, that's it. I've disarmed the damn thing. Richard, I've got all the shopping in the back. It doesn't matter. Anyone could just. Someone might. For goodness sake. Look. Anyone want to nick our shopping? It's in the blue Toyota. The boot's open. Well, I must be going. It has been charming to me meet you both. You too. Professor, we must talk some more. Absolutely. Listen, I am having a little get together this evening. Not informal, you understand. Perhaps you would care to come along? We'd love to. Honestly, I. I just. That much work on. Some other time, perhaps. There's no reason why you shouldn't go, sir. Oh, no, really, I don't think I. Yeah? Why not? Please, please, Mrs. Button. You will be my special guest. Yeah. Shall he say. Alarm 7. Having dropped through the trap door and locked it behind us, the mad doctor's henchmen in hot pursuit. Having dropped through the trap door and knocked it behind them, the mad doctor's henchmen in hot pursuit. Dick Barton and Jock Anderson find themselves in a secret anteroom. What's that, sir? We are me. It's my guess, Jock. We're in some kind of secret anteroom. Anteroom? What's that when it's at home? It's a room leading off to a larger room. You wouldn't have had one at home, Jock. Not unless you had a wealthy upbringing. Anyway, no time for that now. What? What's that noise? Oh, my God. Father? Sir? The walls. Look at the walls. Good heavens, you're right. They seem to be closing on us. The rooms getting smaller. Will be crushed up. Gotta keep a cool head. Look out there. The window of the bowl. It's gotta leave somewhere. Help. Help. Is there anyone there? Hello? Anyone there? Hello? Anyone there? Yeah. What? Dad? Dad, you up there? Dad? Who's there? It's me. Who's me? I left my keys at the surgery. I can't get in. How do I know it's you? You could be anyone. It's starting to rain. What did we used to call you when you were a little lad? What? Come on. If you are who you say you are, you must know. For God's sake. Right, I'm calling the police. I've got a service room over here, so don't try anything silly, whoever you are. Hang on, hang on. Muffin. He used to call me Muffin. Muffin? Richard, is that you? Yes. Yes, it's me. Why on earth didn't you say so, you fathead? Dad, have you got the spare key I gave you? What? The spare key. Hold on. Where'd I put the damn thing. Have a look in your dressing gown. Huh? Your dressing gown. Ah, there it is. Found it in my dressing gown all the time. Thought so. You want to throw it down then, dad? Right. Your muffin. Bombs away. Thank you. When you start your college career at Heritage University, you're opening the door to something big. To a world of new experiences. To personal growth and academic discovery. To friendships that will last your entire life and the future you've always dreamed of. You're opening the door to your best life. And the best part is it won't stop here. Heritage University Operation Best Life. Learn more at Heritage. Edu BestLife. With the blue Cash everyday card, it's easy to earn 3% cash back on groceries at U.S. supermarkets, U.S. online retail purchases and U.S. gas stations. That's how we grow our family's little nest egg. Learn more@americanexpress.com Explore BCE Turns and Cast back apple pie. Hello there. Hello. I bet you don't recognize me. My Audrey says she don't recognize me when I got my suit on. Says I look like someone else altogether. Oh, I'm sorry. You're the ask me Colin Meadows call for sort. How did you. Why, she's used to see me in some old pullover and a pair of corduroys. Put me in a suit and I'm a man transformed. Transformed, my Audrey says. Well, you do look different. I know. That's what we're saying, see? Ah, Colin. You are keeping Mrs. Barton company, huh? Yeah. I think perhaps you should rescue your Mrs. Meadows from old arches. He seems to be getting a little excited. Right. We'll soon see about that. Ah, Mrs. Barton. Sally. I'm so glad you could come. I hope that Colin has been looking after you. Oh, yes, he's very chassis. Remarkable. Yeah. I have been told that up until recently he had barely spoken a word. Good Lord. Poor man. Some kind of trauma? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. He simply hated everybody. Pathologically unsociable. I considered Colin to be a major success. I knew that inside this bitter, taciturn man was an amiable chatterbox. On there, there's the proof of the puddings Knight. Of course, there are one or two little problems, as with any treatment. What sort of problems? Colin is fantastically boring. He is quite capable of talking the hind quarters from the donkey. Unfortunately, only the donkey would be foolish enough to listen, dear. Still, this is a small price to pay for re entering the social arena, wouldn't you say? My word. Old Archie's got a look in his eye. Tonight. Here. Now then, Hans, have I told you about my new fossil compound with the all weather nutrients? It's the Arnold Schwarzenegger of fossil compounds. This one, my craft is crying out for it. Come on, Colin, give us some of your F compounds. Isn't it a bit rude to just wander off like that? He's unfinished. He cannot afford to wait for Colin to finish. Would you like to take a walk in the garden? This is my favorite time of the day. The sound, the smell. Oh, yes, lovely. Look at me. You seem a little preoccupied. It's nothing. No, please tell me. Oh, I think I left the bathroom window open. No, no. Only you can see it from the road. It's a bit of an invitation, that's all. It is obvious you are having difficulty with the world mindset mentality, Knight. I'm a townie professor. I like shopping. I support Chelsea waving two fingers at Sam Burke on the M25. That's my idea of being neighbourly. Not dropping round with a jar of water preserve. I don't think I fit in. In order to understand these people, you must observe their customs, their traditions. Learn what it is that makes them tick. Maybe I should knit back and check that window. Zali, look at me. Sally. The master. Elias. Rid yourself of this urban paranoia. I know, I know. I don't need telling. It's ridiculous. Do you think I should organize a neighborhood watch? Good morning, Surgery. Richard, it's Jock. Jock. I'm phoning to get a progress report on the commander. He's fine, don't worry. He just needs a decent rest. I'm glad to hear it. I tried calling Sally a wee bit after breakfast, but there was a right ruckus going on and. Bit of a party by the sounds of it. Really? It's a good job the old boy doesn't hear so well these days. You have banged your ceiling into submission by now. Sal. What on earth's going on? That's all the ratties. Hello, darling. It's Morris Street. They're practicing in the lounge. The mission hall's being redecorated. They have to go somewhere. Some are fates. Tomorrow. What's wrong with the village queen of the publisher? Carver? What are they doing in our front room? They have to rehearse behind closed doors, silly, so no one copies their routine. We got a sick man upstairs. That's all right. He's had his breakfast. So he's banging on the floor to congratulate you on your egg and soldiers, is he? What? Is the front door wide open? Someone might call in who? I don't know. Anyone. Does it matter? I don't particularly want every Tom, Dick and cat burglar putting their feet up on the coffee table. All right. Be ridiculous. You're being paranoid. Paranoid? Yes. It's wide open. I don't see why you're being so unreasonable. They're not doing any harm. I've had a terrible morning. I come back for a quiet spot of lunch and find. And find we've been invaded by the Flower pot men. Beg your pardon? Both. We didn't mean no inconvenience like. Will, see yourselves out. No, no, no. Look, please. Look, I'm sorry. Stay and finish your. What you're doing. No, no. I think it's best if we shuffle off, Blake. Yeah. Don't you, lad? Hey. Are you sure you're quite welcome? Oh, yeah. I don't think so, Sally, do you? You know what they say. Richard, how could you? I said I'm sorry, but this isn't like you at all. You want me to relax, don't you? Go native. Well, I'm making an effort, that's all. A simple profile realignment. What are you talking about? I must reshape my social dynamic. I don't understand, Sally. What? I've joined the embroidery circle, the operatic society. We're doing Pirates Of Penzance. I'm in charge of the tombola. I want to make jam and you hate me. That's not true. For goodness sake. This is madness. Oh, what the use. You know what they say, Sal. Sally. Hang on a minute. What do they bloody say? Hello, Could I speak to Mrs. Barton, please? I'm afraid she's not here. Can I take a message? Oh, it's play day, dear, about the bouncy castle. 12:30, all right? Sorry. Only you have to allow 20 minutes for inflation. Well, that's inflation for you. Perhaps you should talk to my wife. Right. 12:30. And it was cash, wasn't it? Yeah. As I said, I think you should. Smashing. Lovely. See you later. What is going on? You two haven't patched things up, then? No, I'm afraid not. Bit of a rum business all round. Any. Any tea in the pot? I just don't get it, dad. What's that, my boy? It's Sally. I can't fathom it. Out. She's so. So different. Not with you, muffin. You can't change your entire personality overnight. Something's happened, I'm sure of it. Funny. Reminds me of a run in Jock and I had a few years back. We've been on the trail of this mad scientist fellow. Here's his name. Having once again fallen under the hypnotic spell of the evil Dr. Fez, Jock Anderson is now convinced that he's a small subterranean beetle about to be crushed under the heel of his old friend, Dick Barton. For God's sake, Jock, pull yourself together. Please, sir, don't mash me. Don't squash me. Come on, you fathead, up you get. We've got to get out of here before Fezz and his thugs arrive. Two less, Barton, and he won't get much change out of your friends there. You can't count on a cockroach. What have you done to him, Fez? Nothing that a good pesticide wouldn't cure. Now, at last, Captain Barton, I have you in my grasp. And soon you too will succumb to my mesmeric powers. Look into my eyes, Dick Barton. Look into my eyes. Fortunately, I managed to deflect his gaze with a small pocket mirror. And in the confusion, we gave him the slip. Never seen the like of it, though. A grown man crawling about on all fours like a household bug. Auto suggestion, you see. Damnedest thing, Richard. That's it. Of course. Fassbinder. No, Fez. His name was Heinrich Fez. Mad as a hatter. No, dad, it's just clicked. Oh, God. Why didn't I see it before? What the blazes are you talking about? Fassbinder. Professor Hans Fassbender and his diametric therapy, that's what. Dad, keep an eye on things, will you? I'm going to see a man about my wife. Meanwhile, in a large country house just a few miles outside the sleepy village of Edbledon, Professor Hans Fespinder is conducting further research into his diametric therapy. Professor, I must insist that you give me back my Archie. The way he was. Old, decrepit bits falling off him. Mrs. Cadwalader, your husband has undergone a psychogenesis. He is now a new man. And soon you will be a new woman. But first, you must access your libidinality. Access my libidinality? Find the primal impulse. Prideful impulse. Hey, what's about it? This is a private consultation. I. How did you get in here? Your housekeeper showed me through. I'm treating her for irritable bowel syndrome. What's going on here? I really must ask you to leave, Dr. Barton. Hello, Mrs. Tadwallada. Can you hear me? Alex says my lip is analogy. What are you playing at, Fassbinder? Not that it is any business of yours, Dr. Barton, but I am simply helping Ms. Cadwallader to regain access to her libidinal core. The same treatment you gave to Archie, I suppose. He came to me for help, yeah. Archie Cadwallader is 79 years old. He has a heart condition and a dodgy prostate, but all of a sudden he thinks he's Errol Flynn. Yesterday, I was under the impression I had a rather happy marriage. What the hell have you done to her? With my help, Sally is nearly realizing her diametric potential. I don't want any more of that fairground mumbo jumbo out of you. Whatever you've done, I want it undone now. Reversing the process is impossible. Then I suggest you get onto it. Look into my eyes. It is time for you to leave. Leave? You must leave now and all this will be forgotten. Not so fast, passenger. Don't listen to him, muffin. Look away. This is a service revolver here in my hand. I know how to use it, so don't try anything funny. You forget I am German. How could I possibly try anything funny? Come, let us talk about this. No dice, Fassbinder. Primal impulse. Primal impulse. Shut up, you silly old woman. Good heavens. A ba. What's happening? Where's Sal? I left her making a giant trifle. I knew the game was afoot, so I jumped in the Jag and here I am. You didn't think I'd let you have all the fun, did you? Yes. Get the last please. Please. I did not have time to. Give us a keyword. Keyword? It allows the subject to disengage in case of emergency. Please help me. So Sally must have a keyword too, is that right? Yes, yes, of course. Please. Right. Right. Come on. Come on, up we come. Mrs. Pedwallader. Now then, professor, about this keyword. See anything? Looks like half the village is down there. What's this? Appledon? Summer fate. Summer bloody fate. Not on my front lawn. That's the white of the effort. Guess the white. Fancy couple. Bouncy couple. Only 50p. Bounce yourself, stupid. Sally. Richard, can I see a quick bounce? No, thank you. Oh, come on, Dr. Killjoy, have a bit of a bone. Sally, listen to me. You're not going to make another scene, are you? Anderson you're ever seen went upstairs to film a pipe and there's a fortune teller in the wardrobe offered to read my palm for £1 50. I said, Madam, I don't need a crystal ball to predict that if you're not out of there in five seconds flat, you'll feel the weight of my boot up your backside. That was March from the pub. Oh no. You're determined to ruin it, both of you. Why don't you go back to town where you belong? With your 24 hour surveillance cameras and your rollerblades, your topless karaoke. Leave us country folk alone. Come on, Eula. Bars open at Richard and Sally's. She's out of control. Richard, quick, the key word. The keyword. Give her the wretched keyword. I can't. What do you mean you can't? I can't. My mind's gone blank. I've forgotten it. For God's sake, Mutin, try harder. Come on, boy, think. All right, all right. Something German, isn't it? It's kw. Yes, that's it. Kugelhoop. It's a piece of cake. What did he say? Right, now, Sally, listen carefully. Kugelhoop. Yes, of course. Where am I? You're at home, safe and sound. There's people everywhere. I know, I know. Look, let's get you inside, eh? Don't understand. Long long story, old thing. Does it fit? If you don't mind, I think I'll have a bit of a lie down. Good thinking. Under the stairs now, please. Please, everybody. Sally's not quite herself at the moment. She is almost. If I could ask you just to leave us alone here whilst we get all this sorted out. Right, Doctor. Richard. I'll be going then. Thanks for clearing up, Colin. Appreciate it. Here, here, that reminds me, my orvi, there's a brilliant lemongrass. Poultry is for them. Has gone a bit mad like. Want me to knit backwards some of your Sally? No, thanks all the same. I think we got things under control. Suit yourself. Hey, if you and Mrs. B are thinking of having another dude boy away, I can always come around and play the old piano. That's a thought, Collins. I know. Tying and a ribbon. I bet you do. And wander and star. Got shot of them all, have you? Richard? Richard. Sal, are you. Are you all right down there? Have they gone? Yes, yes, all of them. Are you sure? Absolutely. Oh, that's better. Is the front door shut? Yes, it's shut. What about the back? Sal, I've been worried half to death. Are you okay? I'm fine. There's no one mooching about upstairs, is there? Oh, clear. Sally. Miguel. Anything missing? Welcome home, Sal. I haven't been anywhere, have I? You've been away. Metaphysically strange goings on type of thing. Well, perhaps you can enlighten me over a large gin and tonic. Anyone interested? Lovely, yeah, just the job. Oh. What are you doing here? Hello, Mrs. Be Sal, what's the matter? All right. Okay. The door was open, so I let myself back in. See this party you might be having. That reminds me. I know all the Beatles, back catalogue and all. Obla D? Obl. What's it? Yellow Submarine. He rattles on, doesn't he? He hardly said a word for years, apparently. Extraordinary. Reminds me of a fellow I met in Berlin just after the war. Couldn't shut the blighter up. Had him posted to Antarctica to get some peace and quiet. We lost him out there. Must have been his incessant chatter triggered the Avalon. Richard Barton, General Practitioner was written by Lol Mason. Richard was played by Robert Bathurst with Murray Watson as Dick and Julian Dutton as young Dick and Colin Meadows. Sally Phillips was Sally and Ian Cuthbertson was Jog. Other parts were played by Ann Beach, Kim Wall and Wayne Forrester. The producer was Joe Clegg with the blue Cash Everyday card. It's easy to earn 3% cash back on groceries at U.S. supermarkets, U.S. online retail purchases and U.S. gas stations. That's how we grow our family's little nest egg. Learn more@americanexpress.com Explore BCE terms and cash back cap. Apply.