Rochester Show 50-02-18 Willie Johnson's Big Deal

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio - Rochester Show 50-02-18 Willie Johnson's Big Deal

Episode Information:

• Title: Rochester Show 50-02-18 Willie Johnson's Big Deal
• Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Release Date: July 11, 2025

Introduction

In this episode of Harold's Old Time Radio, titled "Willie Johnson's Big Deal," listeners are transported back to the Golden Age of Radio, featuring the beloved character Rochester Van Jones. Set against the backdrop of a bustling household working for the famed Jack Benny, Rochester navigates personal and financial challenges with his trademark humor and charm.

Rochester’s Financial Troubles

The episode opens with Rochester facing a predicament: he's behind on his apartment rent. In a humorous exchange with his boss, Mr. Bennet, Rochester quips, “He who steals my purse steals trash” (00:19), highlighting his lighthearted approach to his financial woes. This sets the stage for the recurring theme of Rochester juggling his responsibilities while maintaining a cheerful demeanor.

Encounter with Mrs. Calloway

Rochester’s landlady, Mrs. Calloway, adds another layer of complexity to his situation. Their interactions are both comedic and revealing, showcasing Rochester's reluctance to part with his earnings. At 02:22, Fred informs Rochester that Mrs. Calloway is coming to collect rent, leading to a witty exchange:

• Rochester Van Jones: “Whatever Mr. Bennett gives me, I turn over to her. All I am is a middle man in the local Marshall Plan.” (02:22)
• Mrs. Calloway: “I don’t want any of your soft soap, Rochester. I want hard cash, Jenny.” (03:16)

The dialogue underscores Rochester's playful resistance to his landlord's persistence, blending humor with the everyday struggles of rent collection.

The Meeting with Willie Johnson

Rochester has an appointment with Willie Johnson at the cigar store, who promises a "big deal" that could alleviate Rochester's financial strain. Willie, portrayed as a fast-talking promoter, convinces Rochester of the potential benefits:

• Willie Johnson: “I got a big deal cooking right now. If this idea of mine goes through, I'll be rich. Now all I got to do is to get Rochester to work with me on this deal.” (04:34)

Rochester remains skeptical yet intrigued, setting up the central plot of the episode revolving around Willie’s latest scheme.

The Scheme Involving Clooney Watson

Willie introduces Rochester to Clooney Watson, a stunning young woman he intends to promote into the movie industry. Willie’s elaborate description of Clooney aims to persuade Rochester of her star potential:

• Willie Johnson: “Just take the eyes of Lena Horne, the nose of Hetty Lamar, the legs of Betty Grable and the chassis of Jane Russell. Now, you take all them things and put them together and what you got?” (08:46)

Rochester contemplates the fairness of the proposed 50-50 split, ultimately suggesting a more equitable distribution:

• Rochester Van Jones: “50. But that ain't right, Willie. If you take 50% and I take 50%, how will Clooney eat?” (09:12)
• Rochester Van Jones: “I'm gonna give Clooney 40%. And I'm just gonna take 10%.” (09:22)

This negotiation highlights Rochester's integrity and sense of fairness, even amidst potentially dubious business ventures.

Humor and Relationships

Throughout the episode, humorous exchanges between characters provide levity and depth to the storyline. Rochester’s interactions with his girlfriend and Mrs. Calloway reveal his witty personality:

• Rochester Van Jones: “Mother Goose, Brother. Uh oh, I cut my chin again.” (01:41)
• Mrs. Calloway: “I outweighed him by £40 and he was a coward.” (04:29)

These moments not only entertain but also develop Rochester’s character as charming and resourceful.

Conclusion

As the episode unfolds, Rochester contemplates Willie Johnson’s proposal with a mix of skepticism and open-mindedness. The introduction of Clooney Watson adds a romantic and professional challenge, leaving listeners eager to hear how Rochester will navigate this new venture. The episode concludes with Rochester remaining cautiously optimistic about Willie’s "big deal," setting the stage for future escapades.

Notable Quotes:

• Rochester Van Jones: “I hate to ask you, but I'm behind on my apartment rent.” (00:19)
• Mrs. Calloway: “I want hard cash, Jenny.” (03:16)
• Willie Johnson: “If this idea of mine goes through, I'll be rich.” (04:34)
• Rochester Van Jones: “I don't think I'm quite ready for combat duty.” (04:12)
• Willie Johnson: “Just take the eyes of Lena Horne, the nose of Hetty Lamar...” (08:46)

Final Thoughts

"Willie Johnson's Big Deal" masterfully blends humor, character development, and the charm of old-time radio storytelling. Through Rochester Van Jones' interactions and the introduction of flamboyant characters like Willie Johnson and Clooney Watson, the episode captures the essence of the Golden Age of Radio, making it a delightful listen for both longtime fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Bob Stevenson]

Franco American cannot beat Franco American. Just can't beat Franco American. Nine out of ten will agree.

[Eddie Anderson]

Yes. Franco American, the spaghetti nine out of ten prefer Brings you the Rochester show, starring eddie Anderson.

[Rochester Van Jones]

Hello, Mr. Bennet, it's Rochester. I hate to ask you, but I'm behind on my apartment rent. Yes, I know what Shakespeare said about money. He who steals my purse steals trash. Well, you owe me six weeks back. Trash.

[Eddie Anderson]

Do you know how easy it is to make a meal of leftovers, look and taste extra special? Simply add a side dish of Franco American spaghetti. It's ready in five minutes and so delicious that nine out of ten who try it prefer Franco American to any other ready to serve spaghetti. Only the finest spaghetti goes into Franco American. Then it's cooked in a sauce that contains 11 choice ingredients. Be a wonder. Thousands of families serve Franco American spaghetti exclusively instead of the home cooked kind. Try it yourself. Franco American, the spaghetti preferred by 9 out of 10 who taste it. And now we go to the Jefferson Boulevard apartment of Rochester Van Jones. It's his day off from duties at the Jack Benny household, so we find him in a cheerful mood. As he stands before the mirror shaving, his rich baritone rings out.

[Rochester Van Jones]

My heart knows what the wild goose knows. My heart goes where the wild goose goes. Mother Goose, Brother. Uh oh, I cut my chin again. Every day I cut my chin in the same place. Oh, well, that's the way Cary Grant got his start. Come in.

[Fred]

Here's your suit from the dry cleaners, Rochester.

[Rochester Van Jones]

Wait a minute, Fred. You're supposed to have two of my suits. One's missing.

[Fred]

I know. Mr. Bennett came and got it.

[Rochester Van Jones]

Mister. God darn it, if he keeps picking up his own suits, I won't have a thing to wear.

[Fred]

Uh, say, Rochester, I think your landlady, Mrs. Calloway is on her way up here again for a rent.

[Rochester Van Jones]

Why doesn't she leave me alone? Whatever Mr. Bennett gives me, I turn over to her. All I am is a middle man in the local Marshall Plan.

[Fred]

Well, Rod Chelsea, you know it ain't only the money. Mrs. Calloway is sweet on you.

[Rochester Van Jones]

Mrs. Calloway weighs 200 pounds. She ought to lay off sweets.

[Fred]

Well, what's the matter with having a 200 pound girlfriend?

[Rochester Van Jones]

I like small packages. I don't buy bulk.

[Fred]

Well, it can't be thankful she likes you or you'd been kicked out of your apartment long ago.

[Mrs. Calloway]

All right, sister.

[Fred]

Uh oh, there's Ms. Calloway now. See that look on her face?

[Rochester Van Jones]

Oh, that's love. It is? Well, don't Let it get around. It might make the whole thing unpopular. See you next time.

[Mrs. Calloway]

Well, Rochester, I'm glad I found you.

[Rochester Van Jones]

In now, Mrs. Calloway. Jenny, you don't want to spoil a beautiful day for both of us.

[Mrs. Calloway]

I don't want any of your soft soap, Rochester. I want hard cash, Jenny.

[Rochester Van Jones]

And may I call you Mrs. Calloway? I will pay every penny. I'm expecting some money from the government.

[Mrs. Calloway]

Money from the government?

[Rochester Van Jones]

Yes. Social Security when I'm 65.

[Mrs. Calloway]

Roger, I'm tired of this stalling.

[Rochester Van Jones]

I'm going to evict you, Mrs. Calloway. And may I call you Jenny? You wouldn't do that. Think of it. Evicted? Picture me out on that sidewalk surrounded by my furniture.

[Mrs. Calloway]

You haven't got no furniture.

[Rochester Van Jones]

You've got me out on the sidewalk. At least let me be comfortable.

[Mrs. Calloway]

And another thing, I get sick and tired of taking messages from your low brow girlfriend.

[Rochester Van Jones]

They're not low brow. You ought to see my new girlfriend in a bathing suit. There ain't a single tattooing on her that isn't from the old masters.

[Mrs. Calloway]

Rochester, haven't you ever thought of finding the right woman and sending down and getting married?

[Rochester Van Jones]

No, Jenny, I don't think I'm quite ready for combat duty.

[Mrs. Calloway]

Don't you believe that stuff. Why the late Mr. Calloway and me never had a single fight in our whole married life.

[Rochester Van Jones]

You didn't? What's the secret? How did you and Mr. Calloway have such a peaceful marriage?

[Mrs. Calloway]

I outweighed him by £40 and he was a coward.

[Rochester Van Jones]

Well Jenny, I've got to finish dressing. And don't worry about the rent. I've got an appointment with Willie Johnson at the cigar store. Says he's got a big deal cooking.

[Mrs. Calloway]

That Willie Johnson is a no good loafer and he'll only get you into trouble.

[Rochester Van Jones]

You're wrong, Jenny. Willie's smart. He's got parts of his head he hasn't even used yet.

[Mrs. Calloway]

Yeah, and that goes for his whole head. He's just a fast talking promoter, Jenny.

[Rochester Van Jones]

Why Willie's full of good ideas. He would have thought of the H bomb but he just couldn't think of the letter. I'll see you later.

[Eddie Anderson]

Package.

[Rochester Van Jones]

Cigarettes.

[Ramsay]

Yes sir. Thank you, sir. Come in again. Uh oh, here. Here come that no good Willie Johnson. He's always mooching. I better get rid of this change.

[Willie Johnson]

Oh man, what sweet music. That's the sweetest music inside of heaven.

[Ramsay]

What are you staring at, Willie Johnson?

[Willie Johnson]

The cash register boy. The cash register.

[Ramsay]

Well it ain't Gonna do you no good. This is a cigar store, not a piggy bank. Willie, why don't you get yourself a job?

[Willie Johnson]

You mean work?

[Ramsay]

Yeah, I mean work.

[Willie Johnson]

You mean get up early in the morning and get home late at night?

[Ramsay]

Yeah, I mean get up early in the morning and get home late at night.

[Willie Johnson]

You mean physical manual labor?

[Ramsay]

Yeah, I mean physical manual labor.

[Willie Johnson]

You just talked me out of it.

[Ramsay]

Willie Johnson, you the laziest man I know. I watched you once, and you wouldn't even brush a flyer off your nose. You just sat there hoping he'd hear a mating call.

[Willie Johnson]

Well, don't you worry your little head about Willie Johnson. I got a big deal cooking right now.

[Ramsay]

Good lord, Lord, don't tell me you're gonna sell the golden gate bridge again.

[Willie Johnson]

No, don't be silly. I lost the lease, Ramsay. If this idea of mine goes through, I'll be rich. Now all I got to do is to get Rochester to work with me on this deal.

[Ramsay]

Rochester? What's he got to do with this?

[Willie Johnson]

Everything. He's got connections. He works for Mr. Benny.

[Ramsay]

Working for Mr. Benny ain't a connection. That's a short circ. Well, well, well, if it ain't Mr. Rochester Van Jones.

[Rochester Van Jones]

Hello, Ramsay. Hello, Willie.

[Willie Johnson]

Friend Rochester, it certainly relaxes my eyeballs to catch sight of my very bestest ally in this whole world. It does my poor heart good to gaze at a man so bright, handsome, charming, healthy and wealthy.

[Rochester Van Jones]

Uh, I got a feeling this is gonna cost me, Willie. As Julius Caesar said, vinnie, Vinnie Vinci. I came, I saw her, and I'm gonna get out of here fast.

[Ramsay]

Yeah, and if one of you don't buy something worthwhile in a minute, both of you gonna get out here fast.

[Rochester Van Jones]

Well, all right, Ramsey, I'll take 15 of the usual cigars.

[Ramsay]

Why, Mr. Van Jones, I thank you. Here are your 15 cigars.

[Rochester Van Jones]

You're welcome. And here's your dime.

[Ramsay]

Thank you. And here's your nickel chain.

[Rochester Van Jones]

Now, Willie, I'm a pretty busy boy. What's on your mind?

[Willie Johnson]

Well, Rochester, I got a scheme that's gonna make us both rich.

[Rochester Van Jones]

I hear you, friend Willie, your pockets.

[Willie Johnson]

Is gonna bulge with that green stove.

[Rochester Van Jones]

I hear you, friend Willie, you was.

[Willie Johnson]

Gonna be up there in a high bracket.

[Rochester Van Jones]

I hear you, friend Willie.

[Willie Johnson]

Now all you got to do is to ask a small favor of Jack Benny.

[Rochester Van Jones]

Uh. Oh, I just went deep in both ears.

[Willie Johnson]

But, friend Rochester, this sure fire.

[Rochester Van Jones]

Willie, I hereby tender my resignation from your corporation.

[Willie Johnson]

Oh, Rochester, I ain't farmed a corporation yet.

[Rochester Van Jones]

That's all right. Willie, my resignation will keep tender until you do.

[Willie Johnson]

Rochester, have you ever known any of my ideas to fail?

[Rochester Van Jones]

All of your ideas fail.

[Willie Johnson]

Now, there you are. I'm backing a thousand percent.

[Rochester Van Jones]

Okay, I'll listen to your scheme, Willie, but only with one ear. The other one's for backing out.

[Willie Johnson]

Rochester, I found us the most beautiful, gorgeous girl by the name of Clooney Watson who should be in pictures.

[Rochester Van Jones]

How beautiful.

[Willie Johnson]

Well, friend Rochester, just take the eyes of Lena Horne, the nose of Hetty Lamar, the legs of Betty Grable and the chassis of Jane Russell. Now, you take all them things and put them together and what you got?

[Rochester Van Jones]

Mmm, good.

[Willie Johnson]

Rochester, you and I is gonna be Clooney's agents. And whatever she makes, we is gonna split 50.

[Rochester Van Jones]

50. But that ain't right, Willie. If you take 50% and I take 50%, how will Clooney eat?

[Willie Johnson]

She lives with her mother.

[Rochester Van Jones]

It ain't right for us to divide that girl's money up. 50. 50 I'm gonna take. I'm gonna give Clooney 40%. And I'm just gonna take 10%.

[Ramsay]

Yeah.

[Willie Johnson]

And to show you I'm the right sort of a guy, Rochester, I'm gonna let you. Now, all you have to do is to persuade Jack Benny to do you a favor and get Clooney Watson an interview at movie studio.

[Rochester Van Jones]

I don't know, Willie. Mr. Benny and I have a unique type of relationship. At no time do we ever discuss favors, politics or the horn blows at midnight. I'm afraid I can't help you.

[Clooney Watson]

Well, hello there, Willie.

[Willie Johnson]

Well, if this ain't a prearranged coincidence. Now, as we talk, who should walk in but the lovely Miss Clooney Watson? Now, last year, Miss Watson was voted by the boys down at the YMCA as the girl for whom they'd like most to fall out of a window whistling at Clooney. Say hello to friend Rochester.

[Clooney Watson]

Hello, friend Rochester. I said hello.

[Willie Johnson]

Hey, Rochester, don't just stand there with your mouth open. Say something.

[Rochester Van Jones]

Close my mouth so I can open it again.

[Clooney Watson]

Tell me, Rochester, what do you do?

[Rochester Van Jones]

Name it. Clooney.

[Willie Johnson]

You'll have to help me convince Rochester to get you into pictures.

[Clooney Watson]

I have no idea how to convince him, Rochester. I just know you'll do everything you can to help me. Because you're so sweet. You're charming, you're an angel.

[Rochester Van Jones]

Keep going. If you run out of words, I'll help Rochester.

[Clooney Watson]

If I get into pictures, I'll be so grateful. Do you think you can?

[Rochester Van Jones]

I don't know, but it's sure Going to be a lot of fun trying.

[Eddie Anderson]

Hey, Rochester, That Clooney is quite attractive, isn't she?

[Rochester Van Jones]

Yes, sir.

[Mrs. Calloway]

Wow.

[Rochester Van Jones]

And other expressions of glee.

[Eddie Anderson]

Oh, you kind of fallen, huh, Mr.

[Rochester Van Jones]

Stevenson, the last time I saw a dish as tasty as that, it was a plate of Franco American spaghetti.

[Eddie Anderson]

Ah, now you're talking my language. Franco American spaghetti. It's so delicious that 9 out of 10 who taste it prefer Franco American to any other ready to serve spaghetti. And thousands who once served nothing but the home cooked kind now serve Franco American spaghetti exclusively. And you know why? No home cooked spaghetti tastes quite like Franco American. You see, Franco American starts with the best spaghetti money can buy. Then it's cooked with a sauce made of 11 different ingredients, including generous helpings of the finest aged sharp cheddar cheese and luscious red sun ripened tomatoes. Even if you knew the secret recipe and could get all of the best ingredients, you still couldn't prepare a spaghetti of comparable quality at anywhere near the price. Yes, Franco American costs less to serve than the home cooked kind. Stock up tomorrow. Ask for a half dozen cans of Franco American, the spaghetti preferred by 9 out of 10 who taste it.

[Mrs. Calloway]

Rochester, do you really think you can get a girl into pictures?

[Rochester Van Jones]

Yes, Jimmy, I think I can.

[Mrs. Calloway]

Well then, do you think you can.

[Bob Stevenson]

Get me into pictures?

[Rochester Van Jones]

Yes, Jimmy, but with you it'll have to be a double feature.

[Eddie Anderson]

Listen in tomorrow to the Rochester show starring Eddie Anderson, brought to you this same time every night, Tuesday through Saturday, by Franco American Sports Spaghetti. The Rochester show is directed by Tony Stanford and written by Charlie Isaacs, Hal Goodman and Ben Starr. This is Bob Stevenson speaking. This is cbs, the Columbia Broadcasting System.