
Rudy Vallee Show 37-08-12 Ep054 Red Skelton
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Red Skelton
Plastic bags, plastic lids.
Miriam Hopkins
What do we do with you? You can't go in the recycling bin, but you can be recycled if taken to a new recycle on center. Find one near you@recycleon.org OregonCenters the Royal Gelatin Hour.
Graham McNamee
Directed by Rudy Valli. Presenting Miriam Hopkins, Raymond Navarro, Dr. Rockwell, Francis Fuller, Fred Skelton, Tommy Riggs and Betty Lou Barry.
Rudy Vallee
Hi ho, everybody. This is Rudy Valli and company. We point with pride tonight to a noble list of names, a set of charming people well worthy of your undivided attention. Through the next round of the clock. Miriam Hopkins and Frances Fuller will be heard in a novel playlet from the increasingly capable typewriter of Agnes Ridgeway. Ramon Navarro, who has just come back to the screen after a period of retirement abroad, makes his first appearance since his return. Doc Rockwell is down again from Booth Bay harbor, where for the past two weeks he has entertained our Mr. McNamee as a vacation guest, thus proving that he really did mean it when he publicly invited Graham up to Maine. Red Skelton is a promising youngster from the variety stage, a native of Vincennes, Indiana, and, we think, a young fellow on the way up. Tommy Riggs and his little Betty Lou are held over from last week, their first appearance having created considerable sensations on all sides. The Yankees, back from Atlantic City, where we played for three days. And here's good old Graham, back from the wilds of Maine, looking fit as a fiddle, brown as a berry and smart as a whip. Summary, Graham.
Graham McNamee
In our midst this evening are Tommy Riggs and Betty Lou berry, Red Skeleton, Dr. Rockwell, the Old so and so, Francis Fuller and Miriam Hopkins.
Rudy Vallee
Warner Brothers, using Fred Waring and his band with Dick Powell as a newbie, think they've made the finest collegiate musical yet to come out of Hollywood. Here's a grand tune from it. Love is on the air tonight from Fred Waring's Warner Brothers varsity Show.
Singer/Chorus
Love is on the air tonight and it's on a heart to part for God. Love is everywhere tonight. Better look your coziest. Look up. Each station throughout the nation will have.
Rudy Vallee
A song coming through.
Singer/Chorus
So if your set works, the major networks will do your wooing for you. You should never sing to her. If a song is not pale and hearty. You may sound like Bing to her, but supp. Oh, she likes Charlie Mustachi. Here's some crooner from old Altoona, if I let go from Manhattan, from Turkey.
Red Skelton
From Alberto, if some tomato from South.
Singer/Chorus
Decatur, if some Tony from old Tyrone can tell her better than You? Why should you care?
Rudy Vallee
As long as. We are intensely gratified by the warm reception you accorded Tommy Riggs and little Betty Lou on their first appearance here last week. Something tells me Tommy and Betty are going to be with us for some time. Betty, I should tell you, is an imaginary little girl, but a very real little girl at the same time. Tommy does both voices his own and Betty's. The comparison with Edgar Bergen is obvious, but not especially accurate. For one thing, Mr. Riggs is not a ventriloquist. Incidentally, among last week's fan responses was a Telegram from Charlie McCarthy reading, Dear Betty, why don't you come over and play in my yard? Look out for that man, Betty. You can't trust him for a minute. Enter now Tommy Riggs, who brings with him Betty Lou Barry. Say, Betty. Betty, come here.
Betty Lou Barry
Oh, gee whiz, Mr. Swan, I thought I was going to be late.
Rudy Vallee
As a matter of fact, you were late, young lady.
Betty Lou Barry
You were, huh?
Rudy Vallee
Yes, you were. But what made you so late?
Betty Lou Barry
Well, you're not mad at me, are you, Mr. Tommy?
Rudy Vallee
Well, now, young lady, I don't know.
Betty Lou Barry
Well, what would you do if I didn't come at all?
Rudy Vallee
Uh.
Betty Lou Barry
Oh, but I'm awful glad to be here, even if I am late, because it's better to be late than to get there before you arrive. Don't you think so?
Rudy Vallee
Yes, I think so, young lady. But on the other hand, you should always be punctual.
Betty Lou Barry
No, I don't think that's right, Mr. Tommy, at all.
Rudy Vallee
You don't? Why not?
Betty Lou Barry
That's what happened to my daddy, and he didn't like it at all.
Rudy Vallee
Well, just how do you mean?
Betty Lou Barry
Because mommy and daddy and all went to riding the automobile. And just when everything was all right, Betty had a punctual, and he didn't like it at all.
Rudy Vallee
By the way, Betty, where'd you get all that mud on your shoes?
Betty Lou Barry
Oh, that so you know Bobby.
Miriam Hopkins
Bobby?
Rudy Vallee
Oh, you mean the little boy who lives next door?
Betty Lou Barry
Yes. Cause it's all his fault because I have mud on my shoes.
Rudy Vallee
Bobby's fault. What'd he do, push you into the mud?
Betty Lou Barry
No, he didn't push me into the mud.
Rudy Vallee
Well, why is it Bobby's fault then?
Betty Lou Barry
Well, because we were walking along, and all of a sudden he came to a whole bunch of mud puddled. So I said to Bobby, let's play. That you are Sir Walter Raleigh, and you put your coat down so that I can step on it, too.
Rudy Vallee
I see. And Bobby didn't want to do that.
Betty Lou Barry
No he wasn't a gentleman, that Sir Walter Roddy was.
Rudy Vallee
Well, Betty, you wouldn't want Bobby to get. Get his coat all over mud. And then when he got home, spanking. Just because you wanted to play Sir Walter Raleigh.
Betty Lou Barry
Well, maybe Sir Walter Raleigh got his spanking. He got home, but he put his coat down anyway, see?
Rudy Vallee
Dear me. I see, Betty.
Betty Lou Barry
Oh, but what did you do today, Mr. Tommy?
Rudy Vallee
Well, Betty, I. I bet you had.
Betty Lou Barry
An awful good time, didn't you?
Rudy Vallee
Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. As a matter of fact, I. Oh.
Betty Lou Barry
Frankie is a whole bunch of fun. Don't you, too?
Rudy Vallee
Now, wait a minute, young lady. Would you like to have me tell.
Ramon Navarro
You what I did?
Betty Lou Barry
Yes, Mr. Tommy. I'd like to know what you did today.
Rudy Vallee
Well, I got up this morning and took a long walk through Central Park.
Betty Lou Barry
Did you go to the zoo?
Rudy Vallee
Yes. And after that I went over the Metropolitan Museum of Art and I saw some wonderful pictures.
Betty Lou Barry
Oh, did you see Shorty Temple and Willie Winky? She's cute, too.
Rudy Vallee
Oh, young lady, wasn't that kind of a picture? Oh, then after I left the museum, I was walking back to my hotel and I saw a very bad collision.
Betty Lou Barry
A what?
Rudy Vallee
A collision.
Betty Lou Barry
Well, what is a collision, Mr. Tommy?
Rudy Vallee
Well, honey, a collision is. Well, for instance, when two things come together.
Betty Lou Barry
When two things come together, that's a collision, huh?
Rudy Vallee
Yes. Yes, young lady, when two things come together, that's a collision.
Betty Lou Barry
Oh, well, they had a collision at Patty Jane's house last night.
Rudy Vallee
They did?
Betty Lou Barry
Yes. Patty's mommy had twins.
Rudy Vallee
Ah, dear me, young lady.
Betty Lou Barry
Mama. Gee, with Mr. Tommy on account I was so late, I didn't Say hello to Mr. Valley, did I?
Rudy Vallee
No, and I think perhaps you'd better run over and say hello to him, too.
Miriam Hopkins
Yes.
Betty Lou Barry
Cause he bought me an ice cream soda. And you only buy me ice cream cones. But I like ice cream cones. Oh, hello, Mr. Valley.
Rudy Vallee
Hello, Betty. I haven't seen you for some time.
Betty Lou Barry
Yes, it's been an awful long time. And I was so lonesome for you.
Rudy Vallee
Lonesome for me?
Red Skelton
Yes.
Betty Lou Barry
Was lonesome for me, too.
Rudy Vallee
Yes, of course I was, Betty.
Betty Lou Barry
Then I guess we were also for each other, weren't we?
Rudy Vallee
That's right. But tell me, Betty, what have you been doing since I last saw you?
Betty Lou Barry
Oh, I've been having an awful bunch of fun. And I've been a very good girl, Mr. Valley.
Rudy Vallee
Yes, I'm sure you have, Betty.
Betty Lou Barry
Have you been a good boy, too?
Rudy Vallee
Well, Betty, I've tried to be.
Betty Lou Barry
Hey. Well, you'd better be awfully Good place. Did you know that Santa Claus was in town?
Rudy Vallee
Santa Claus in town now?
Betty Lou Barry
Yes. Cause he was at our house today too.
Rudy Vallee
Oh, did you see him?
Betty Lou Barry
No, I didn't see him. But I was talking about that big radio that he sent to our house for Christmas.
Rudy Vallee
I imagine he wanted to see if it is working all right.
Betty Lou Barry
No, I don't think so. Cause he said if Betty didn't take work, but he soon he's going to take it back.
Rudy Vallee
By the way, Betty, since you've been such a good little girl, I'm going to buy you another ice cream soda.
Betty Lou Barry
Oh, well, thank you very much, but I would like for you to buy me a great big horse. Better.
Rudy Vallee
A great big horse.
Betty Lou Barry
Yes, but then you can do like the cowboys do if you want to.
Rudy Vallee
Like the cowboys do?
Betty Lou Barry
Yes. They wave their hats and they go wahoo, wahoo and everything, don't you?
Rudy Vallee
Don't I what?
Betty Lou Barry
Well, wahoo like Mr. Tommy and I do. Cause we know a song about cowboys wahooing. And would you like for Mr. Tommy and Mr. Me to sing it for you?
Rudy Vallee
If you knew, that would be fine.
Betty Lou Barry
Mr. Tommy, do you want to wahoo with me for Mr. Valley?
Rudy Vallee
All right, Betty, what do you say we wahoo?
Betty Lou Barry
Well, you do it first, huh?
Rudy Vallee
Yes, I'll do it first.
Betty Lou Barry
Oh, give me a horse, a great big horse. And give me a bump I will let me wahoo, wahoo, wahoo. Oh, give me a rag, big pair of sand. And give me a sticks and pill. And let me quarrel, wallow.
Singer/Chorus
Give me the wide open spaces.
Rudy Vallee
For I'm just like a prairie flower.
Singer/Chorus
Growing wilder every hour.
Betty Lou Barry
Oh, give me a moon, a fairy moon. Give me a meow, a true and make me want.
Miriam Hopkins
Wild.
Singer/Chorus
Oh, don't you care that I'd follow your heart to heaven knows where? Even though I'm wild, I won't let you go. You're my dream of a wonderful future. You're my castle in the air, don't you know? Oh, don't you care.
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Rudy Vallee
Presenting now, Miriam Hopkins with Francis Fuller in Mrs. Clifford receipt by Agnes Ridgeway. I don't know why it is that with all the high powered dressmakers in Hollywood, picture actresses need to come to New York to buy clothes. But whatever the reason, we're thankful it exists because it enables us to bring you important people. Like Miriam Hoffman, a visitor in our town. Ms. Fuller also divides her time between the coasts. She was seen most recently in Broadway in Excursion. And so Miriam Hopkins with Frances Fuller in Mrs. Clifford Receives. The scene is Mrs. Clifford's boudoir. It is a very luxurious room, furnished in the French manner. As the curtain rises, we find Mrs. Clifford lying in the chaise lounge. She wears a very handsome negligee, and except for a pronounced pallor, she is the very beautiful Mrs. Allen Dobson Clifford, whose picture has so often looked out at us from the society pages of the New York papers. Her maid hovers solicitously, adjusting a pillow, tucking in an end of a silken coverlet. Mrs. Clifford speaks.
Miriam Hopkins
That's perfect, Celeste. Thank you. Madame wishes a magazine. Oh, no, I don't want to read. I'm expecting someone. What time is it? She's not quite 25 minutes to 6, madame. Oh, she'll be here any minute. She said half past. Oh. Tell me, how's your ankle now? Does it still hurt you? Oh, no, madame. It is much less painful. Thank you. That's good. Well, after Miss Mary comes, you go and sit down and you rest.
Betty Lou Barry
Oh, thank you, madame.
Miriam Hopkins
Celeste, try that other lamb, will you? This light hurts my eyes. Oui, madame. Oh, that's much better. I am very sorry that madame is not well. If madame would only take one of the powders that the doctor left. Well, it won't do any good. One can't try, Madame. All right. Well, then, let's have it. I will get you a glass of water, madame. Yes, come in.
Rudy Vallee
Miss Merrick is column and calling, ma'.
Red Skelton
Am.
Miriam Hopkins
Well, ask her to come up, Peter.
Rudy Vallee
Very good, ma'.
Red Skelton
Am.
Miriam Hopkins
Here is the powder, Madame.
Betty Lou Barry
Huh?
Miriam Hopkins
Oh, if I might suggest, Madame, What a little bit of rude. Madame is very pale. Oh, no, no, no, it's all right. I think that we'll have that armchair a little closer to. L'm whisper. That's fine. Yes.
Red Skelton
Ms. Merrick.
Miriam Hopkins
Come in, my dear. Good afternoon, Mrs. Clifford. Oh, I'm so glad you could come, Ms. Merrick. You'll forgive me if I don't get up, won't you? Of course. Oh, ill. It's all. Let Celeste take your coat. Thank you. Would you like a cup of tea? No, thanks. Mother will have dinner Waiting for me? I'm afraid I'm a little bit late. Mr. Clifford didn't leave the office until nearly 4:00'.
Red Skelton
Clock.
Miriam Hopkins
And I had quite a lot of work to clean up. I'm afraid my husband's a dreadful slave driver, Ms. Merrick. I don't mind. He worked very hard himself. Yes, I know. That's why I encourage his nerves have been so ragged lately. There seems to be something about a fish and a piece of string. That'll be all for les. Very good, Madame. Won't you sit here, Ms. Merrick? This armchair so much more comfortable. Thank you. You're wondering why I asked you to come here. Well, if there's anything I can do for you, I'll be very glad. I wonder if you will, Miss Merrick. Can we talk together, you and I? Well, not as enemies, but as friends. I. I don't quite understand. Well, isn't it really civilized? Well, don't you think for two women used to hate each other just because they happen to love the same. Please. Well, you are in love with my husband, aren't you? Yes, I am. And he loves you.
Betty Lou Barry
Why?
Miriam Hopkins
Well, he said he hadn't told you. Oh, my dear, when you've been married to a man for three years, he doesn't need to tell you things. You wear a great deal of blue, don't you? Yes, I do. He's become very fond of blue this past six months. Your name's Catherine, isn't it? Yes.
Red Skelton
Mm.
Miriam Hopkins
We have a friend named Catherine. He doesn't even like her, but he talks a great deal about her. Just so he can say her name. Because it's your name. Men are just a little bit transparent, Miss Mary. Mr. Clifford isn't clever at hiding things. I'm glad he's not. You call him Alan, don't you? Then shall it be Alan between us? If you like. Catherine, what do you and Alan plan to do with your love? That's a very direct question, isn't it? But won't you please answer?
Red Skelton
All right.
Miriam Hopkins
When Alan comes back from his fishing trip, he's going to ask you for a divorce. Yes, I thought it would be that way. Why shouldn't you let him go? There's nothing left. The loveliness is all gone. My pride wouldn't let me hold on to a man who didn't want me anymore. Oh, my dear. Now won't you please believe I didn't ask you to come here to quarrel with you? Or even to reproach you? I've been under quite a strain lately. It's true, though. Why should you want to hold him? Whatever you had between you is dead. Do you believe that as true?
Red Skelton
Isn't it?
Miriam Hopkins
I love Alan more than I've ever loved him. Oh, I didn't know that. Alan thinks. Yes, I know. But you see, I have my pride too. I'm terribly proud. I never tried to take him away from me. It just happened that way. I didn't try to make it happen. I wouldn't do that to any woman. I'm sure you wouldn't. I've seen you just once before. You remember that day at the office. But I think I'm a little clever in judging people. You know, Catherine, there's been a great deal said about the cruelty of women to each other. Somehow I've never quite believed it. I think women are just as good sports. I think women are capable of something much better than sportsmanship. Kindness. It's because I believe that that I asked you to come here today. What is it you want? I want you to give Alan back to me for one year. I don't understand. Do you mind handing me a cigarette? That box over there on the window. Thank you. Will you have one? No, thank you. Do you remember, oh, about three months ago I had an operation. Yes. I made out the checks down at the office of the doctor in the hospital. It was acute appendicitis. That's what we told Alan, the doctor and I. But that wasn't was my heart. I have a year to live at the most. No, that isn't true. I don't want it to be true. You see, I told you women were kind. But according to our best authorities. You should be glad. Glad of anything like that. Why not? There's a lovely finality about death. It'll remove me from the scene quite neatly. No messy divorce, no scandal. Just a little wait. Please don't talk like that. It's horrible. Are the doctors sure? Did they seem to so? Very definitely. Dr. Martin was here just a little while ago. Katherine, give me this year. The last year of my life. The last year of my life. I've always thought of maybe something terribly far away. Something that would come when I was very old. And perhaps all the people and all the things that I. I love. The beginning. And now it's here. And it's beginning now. Even as I sit here talking to you. One ear, Katherine. I can't face it without Alan. Why can't I have dogs. I have thieves. He's such a coward. I'll be all right in a moment. I'll do anything I can. You know that. I'll do anything to help you. Except give Alan up. I couldn't do that. Oh, I don't want you to give him up. So many women have wanted Alan. The wrong kind of women. You can't know how glad I am to know he'll have someone like you afterward. What is it you want me to do? Go away for just a little while, Catherine. One little. You're not afraid? Oh, no. If you really love each other, your. Your mom will keep. I. I know. I guess I'd better go right away before Alan gets back. Catherine, what will you do? I mean, about yourself? I don't know. Find another job, I guess. Oh, I still don't. Oh, no, you mustn't. Oh, dear. It'll be all right. I have a brother out on the west coast. I'll go out there, I guess. Oh, I don't think I could stay here. You leave word for Alan. I'll write to him right away. Oh, but you won't tell him, Katherine. I mean, he'll have to know soon, of course. But please, not quite yet. No, I'll just say I've been called away or something. You'll lay in the moji. But when you tell him about the others. I promise. I guess that's all, then. I'll be getting along home. Kathleen. Yes? There are so many things I want to say. Don't try, please.
Red Skelton
I understand.
Miriam Hopkins
I want to go now. I won't see you again. Goodbye, Kathleen. Celeste.
Betty Lou Barry
Celeste.
Miriam Hopkins
Oui, oui, madame. Oh, Celeste, answer the telephone. I don't feel like talking to anybody.
Betty Lou Barry
Oh, yeah.
Miriam Hopkins
Madame. Hello?
Betty Lou Barry
Oh, yes, madame.
Graham McNamee
One moment.
Miriam Hopkins
Please excuse my dame's sister. Oh, I'll talk to her. Hello, Joan. How are you? How was the bridge party?
Betty Lou Barry
You won again.
Miriam Hopkins
Oh, darling, you are such a pig.
Betty Lou Barry
Yes.
Miriam Hopkins
I'm sorry I couldn't come, but I had to visit her. She's just on. Ms. Merrick?
Betty Lou Barry
Yes.
Miriam Hopkins
You know, Ellen's little secretary. Why, she's going away. California for about a year, I think. What? Oh, why, darling, you wrong. Me? What did I have to do with it? Oh, no, no, not especially clever, darling. It's just a matter of recognizing the silence and choosing the proper technique. Mm. Oh, in one year, Ellen could forget Helen of fraud. What did you say? What?
Red Skelton
Tonight?
Miriam Hopkins
Oh, darling, I don't feel particularly partyish. I've had a beastly headache all day. I took some stuff the doctor left, but, well, it helped a little. What, Uncle? Darling, of course I'm not ill. I had the doctor in for Celeste, you know. I told her she wrenched her ankle. Don't worry. Well, I'll try and make it. The Rainbow Room, 10 o'.
Announcer
Clock.
Miriam Hopkins
Right, darling.
Betty Lou Barry
Bye.
Rudy Vallee
Weaf, New York. Well, some women are like that. The Royal Jealousy Hour, Act 2. You may still expect Red Skelton, Rano Navarro and Doc Rockwell. The gentleman songsters and I are going to open Act 2 with the Yale Whiffin Poof. Song.
Singer/Chorus
To the table down at Maury to the place where Louis dwells To the dear old temple bar we love so well Single written books assemble with their glasses raised on high and the magic all their singing cast its spell yes, the magic, all their singing all the songs we love so well Shall I waste sing and the vori and the rest. We will serenade our Louis One voice shall last Then we'll pass and be forgotten we'll rest. Where poor little lambs who have lost our way Ba ba ba Will little black sheep who have gone astray. Gentlemen songsters off on a spree Than from me. God has mercy on such as we Ba ba ba we're poor little land who have lost our way. We little black sheep who have gone astray. Gentle and songsters off on a spree Dance from here. God have mercy on such Hal.
Rudy Vallee
Speak of auditions that close to a miracle. But when we find two, then it is a miracle. Tommy Riggs and Betty Lou, we count as one. Red skeleton is number two for this week. Red is an Indiana boy who has been making good in a big way all over what's left of the variety circuit among variety performers these days. He's unique in that he's always working. He holds the Post depression record 55 weeks work out of 57 in the larger key cities. He's young, likable, redheaded, ambitious and fellow citizens, he's going places. We want you to meet Red Skelton.
Red Skelton
Well, thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. And thank you very much, Rudy. You know, this is my second time in New York and it's my first time on a big program. Of course, back in Vincent, Indiana I had my own broadcast. Three years I was the voice of the Swamp. Really.
Rudy Vallee
A nice sort of is a Vincent's near Joe Cook's home. Evansville.
Red Skelton
Evansville. Rudy, Evansville is merely a suburb of Vincenzo. I don't know, it's really a nice place. I told all the folks back home that I would tell them about New York. So I went on a little sightseeing tour today. I like the buildings here in New York, they're all big. We have several sky wipers, skyscrapers in Vincennes, but they're nothing compared to here. This Radio City building, for instance. Now our American national bank building is six stories high. That's including the basement. But this Radio City, Billy, it's really big. I was talking to the doorman a few minutes ago and he says, you know, this afternoon a fella jumped off.
Doc Rockwell
The top of this place.
Red Skelton
Did he get hurt? He says, well, we don't know yet. He doesn't land till tomorrow.
Graham McNamee
And the, the.
Red Skelton
I like the elevators here in Radio City. Eight stories up in two seconds. Sure does. Rockefeller Center. I don't know. Thanks a lot.
Doc Rockwell
I like.
Red Skelton
Rudy and I were having breakfast together this morning at a very high class restaurant, Joe's Place. Very reasonable fact. You can eat dirt cheap. I go in there because I like the way they order. You order one thing and the waiter yells something else back to the kitchen. It means the same thing, only he turns it around a little bit. There's a fellow came in this morning and I almost died. He had his family with him, 16 kids. And he ordered a family steak. And the waiter turns to the kitchen and yells, burn up a bull for a mom.
Graham McNamee
I don't know.
Red Skelton
But there were a lot of people sitting around this morning in the restaurant with donuts and coffee and they were dunking. Rudy, would you mind if I dunked a few donuts here tonight?
Rudy Vallee
Certainly not. Make yourself right at home.
Red Skelton
Well, could I have some donuts and coffee?
Rudy Vallee
Donuts and coffee coming up in the kitchen. Cup of mud with two sinkers.
Red Skelton
Well, thank you.
Rudy Vallee
That's what I call service.
Red Skelton
Now, when dunking, never remove your hat because it comes in handy later on. To dunk properly, we need a napkin. So we take one that's big enough. But you don't have to worry about getting anything on your old bed sheets come in handy. You don't have anything else. And you tuck it under your chin. But be very careful tucking a napkin under your chin. Because someday some smart waiter will walk up to you and say, what are you gonna have, brother? A haircutter? Shave.
Doc Rockwell
But you just ignore.
Red Skelton
Now the next thing you do is find the temperature of your coffee. Coffee looks like something they rang out of a mop. Coffee should be at a certain temperature when used for dunking. If it's too hot, the donut will become soggy before you can eat it. So you use the index finger as a thermometer. Now that's too hot for dunking. But how do you Cool it. It's bad manners to blow it into a cup, but it is proper, while dunking the cool coffee, to pour it in the sauce. But you still can't blow. Because if you don't use your judgment now and you blow too hard, the fella sitting across the table from you'll get it right in the kisser. So you take off your hat and your fan. Now we have different types of donuts used for dunking. First we have the streamlined donuts. They digest so fast you've got to take the bicarbonate of soda first. Then we have the German donut, better known as pretzels. A pretzel's a donut cram. Then we have the Jewish donuts bagels. You know what a bagel is? That's a donut dipped in. Now we have different types of people and the way they don't face the cross eyed man. He's allowed two cups of coffee. Now, not to embarrass him, he said, what foot from the table. The cup and saucer he holds in his hand merely acts as a stooge for the one on the table. While everyone else is dunking, the cross eyed man dunks this way, looking into the cup in front of him and dunking into the mouth of the table. Next we have the society dunkers, the debutantes. You know what a debutante is? That's an old maid who overdid it. Now that is their old maid with a knife and a fork. Not because they want to, but because they want to show off. They dunk with a fork with the greatest of earrings. I think it'd be a good idea if everybody moved back about three rolls. Next we have the sneakers. Now, a sneaker is the lowest type of all dunkers. They sit around with a cup and saucer. When no one's looking, they don't. Then when someone is looking, the dirty sneak, they dunk this way, breaking off a bit of the donut, dropping it in the coffee. Say, oh my, look what I've done. I'm telling you, to do an act like this, you gotta be crazy now. Never. Pardon me while I rinse that last baby down.
Ramon Navarro
That coffee.
Doc Rockwell
I asked for wheat coffee, but that.
Red Skelton
Stuff, helpless, I don't know.
Doc Rockwell
Now. Never.
Red Skelton
Never dunk a doughy donut. If you dunk a donut that's too fresh, along with it becoming soggy, I mean, so help me, after tonight I'll never look another one of these things in the face. As long as I laugh, I don't know they get bigger every time I do.
Doc Rockwell
Now.
Red Skelton
Never dunk a doughy. Pardon me, I have a cold today. I just got back from Atlantic City. I stayed at the Underwood Hotel under the boardwalk. Never dunk a doughy donut. If you do, this is what will happen. Notice what happens when you eat a doughy donut. If you got bald teeth, you're in a fix here, everybody. Help yourself down into a zone now. I'll be seeing you in a few minutes.
Betty Lou Barry
Hey, who that? On that highway in that trailer Say he's grabbing his romances on the fly and just as carefree as the fickle hearted sailors say he smiles at all the gals as he goes by He's a gypsy from Poughkeepsie in his trailer.
Miriam Hopkins
He'S a traveling Romeo say he can.
Betty Lou Barry
Steal a kiss in Reno and a hard and bowling dream what it takes to do on vino he can do.
Miriam Hopkins
On gasoline He's a lover undercover Stops at Lulu's on his way to visit Flo oh, he's a flaming torch on every porch from Jersey to Mexico He's a gypsy pompo gypsy A traveling Romeo.
Graham McNamee
He's a gypsy He's a gypsy pompo.
Betty Lou Barry
Ho ho, kipsy in his trailer he's a traveling Romeo he can steal a.
Miriam Hopkins
Kissing Reno and a Harvey Bowling green.
Betty Lou Barry
What it takes to do on vino he can do on gasoline He's a.
Miriam Hopkins
Lover undercover Undercover Fox and Lulu's on his way to visit Flo oh, he's a flaming torch on every port from.
Betty Lou Barry
Jersey to Mexico He's a gypsy Uncle.
Rudy Vallee
Gipsy Hot heavy Romeo the most heartwarming news of the month in the entertainment world is the emergence from temporary retirement Ramon Navarro. New picture the Sheik Steps out will be released very shortly. In the history of the motion picture art, the name nobody permanent place to his lot fell the star role in the greatest spectacle movie of them all, Ben Hur. In that fact alone, he possesses a sort of immortality. For when the classrooms of the future study the pictures of of the day, Ben Hur will be the prime example of its type. After nearly 13 years of stardom, Ramon quietly but firmly withdrew from the spotlight for reasons of his own reasons, he'll explain. Tonight, may we bespeak a hearty welcome home for Ramon Navaro. Ramon, why didn't you stop making this?
Ramon Navarro
Very simple, Rudy. I was tired.
Rudy Vallee
Physically tired, you mean.
Ramon Navarro
Physically, mentally and spiritually. I was tired in every way. Tired of pictures and everything. But mainly I was tired of myself.
Rudy Vallee
In other words, you were fed up in other words?
Ramon Navarro
Yes. I cancelled my contract with MGM and went away. Fortunately, I had other interests besides picture making. Music, principally. I did things that I wanted to do.
Rudy Vallee
I've never felt that way about my own work, Ramon, but I can understand how it sometimes happens. Were you happier as a result of your decision to leave the movies?
Doc Rockwell
Yes, after a while.
Rudy Vallee
But why are you going back into pictures now?
Ramon Navarro
Well, because I'm no longer tired. I have succeeded in losing what was really a neurotic outlook on life. I want to work again, but I shall accept only parts I really want to play.
Rudy Vallee
I understand you've been studying voice since you left pictures.
Red Skelton
Yes.
Ramon Navarro
Just to find out how much I don't know. Oh, I hope you listeners will enjoy my song tonight. El Relicario by Padilla. I think most people have heard that song many times, but few know its story. Most of them think of it as a very gay song.
Rudy Vallee
And isn't it?
Ramon Navarro
On the contrary, the lyric tells a very sad story. It begins cattling off. In the streets of Madrid. The woodfighters parade in their carriages on their way to the Plaza de Toros. One of the toreros notices a beautiful senorita in the crowd glancing adoringly at him. He stops his carriage and, rushing to her side, throws his cape on the ground before her. Tread upon my cape, he says, and of your footprint there I shall make myself a relic that I will keep next to my heart forever. She goes with him to the corridor, but alas, it is his last. Fatally gored, he falls to the ground, looking up at his sweetheart. He takes the tiny piece of cake from his torn breast, kisses it, and in song he recollects their meeting. We begin the procession of the bullfighters. Is sighted by the crow.
Singer/Chorus
Yellalano darlo tarato de mo garaboto.
Red Skelton
J.
Singer/Chorus
Just like a leaf that has blown.
Rudy Vallee
Away.
Singer/Chorus
Gone with the wind My romance has blown away Yesterday's kisses are still on my lip I had a lifetime of heaven at my fingertips but now all is gone Gone is the rapture that thrilled my heart Gone with the.
Red Skelton
Wind.
Singer/Chorus
The gladness that filled my heart Just like a flame love burns brightly Then became an empty small dream that has gone Gone with a wind.
Rudy Vallee
In case you have been wondering about Graham McNamee's absence, he's been on vacation in Maine for Doc Rockwell's country seat at Booth Bay harbor, rocking calmly back and forth in the sun. You may recall the Doc asked Graham about the last time I asked him up. Rather the last time he was with us. And I believe there was some argument about whether or not Doc really meant it. Graham brought Doc back with him, so we may expect a detailed report on the vacation at once. Here's the doc and his rocking chair.
Doc Rockwell
Well, how are you, Rudy?
Red Skelton
How are you, Doc?
Rudy Vallee
Fine, thanks.
Doc Rockwell
Well, sir Rudy, do you realize that it's always a great thing for me to get back here on this program with you and we're glad to have.
Rudy Vallee
You back with us, Doc.
Doc Rockwell
Yes, sir, Rudy. And I think the reason that I like to be here with you is your personality. Do you know, on the level, Rudy, if I was a woman, there's nobody that I'd rather marry in this world than you. That's on the level.
Rudy Vallee
I understand you're going with the Ziegfeld Follies this season.
Doc Rockwell
Yes, sir. And I'm working on one of the sketches right now. It's about a cow with a pal, eyes, tail. The name of it is Dead End.
Red Skelton
Rudy.
Rudy Vallee
Tell us, how is the rocking chair campaign going?
Doc Rockwell
Now, this sketch starts off when the cushion you find me right off the bat. I'm there with the cow, and I've just milked the cow, and I'm feeding the milk back to the cow. It seems it came through thin the first time, and I figured it'd be a good thing to run it through a gram. Well, sir, look who's here. If it ain't Graham. How are you, Graham?
Red Skelton
Oh, don't Graham me.
Rudy Vallee
Why?
Doc Rockwell
Why, what's this? What's the matter?
Graham McNamee
Yeah, matter enough. You invited me up and I went up there and spent two weeks with you in Booth Bay harbor as a guest, didn't I? And you have the nerve to make out a bill to me for $140 and collect the money at my office when I'm away.
Doc Rockwell
You know, I was just telling Rudy about a funny sketch I'm writing for the poly.
Graham McNamee
Oh, never mind the hot air. Now, what do I. What I want to know is about this bill.
Doc Rockwell
You know, Graham, I want to tell you something. On the level. If I was a woman, there's nobody that I'd rather marry in this world than you.
Graham McNamee
Oh, you big four flusher. I was just out in the doorway and I heard you say the same thing to Rudy Valley.
Doc Rockwell
Well, that's before I met you, honey.
Graham McNamee
Will you stop this horseplay?
Doc Rockwell
Now, wait a minute, Graham, and listen.
Graham McNamee
If we ever do get married.
Doc Rockwell
If we ever get married, Graham, I'd like to have a nice little home of our own where there's a lawn so you can mow the lawn.
Graham McNamee
Oh, that's nonsense.
Doc Rockwell
No, it's not.
Singer/Chorus
Mow the lawn.
Doc Rockwell
You've got to get exercise and reduce that stomach. Graham, how are you going to hold our grandchildren with no laughter?
Graham McNamee
Oh, that's a lot of trite. How are you going to explain this bill?
Doc Rockwell
Now wait a minute, Graham. I can explain everything if you won't get excited and yell too loud. Now, about the bill. First of all, is there an overcharge of some kind?
Graham McNamee
Overcharge? After. After going up there as a guest, putting in the most terrible two weeks I ever had in my life.
Doc Rockwell
Now wait a minute. You're only kidding yourself, you know that? You had a good time.
Graham McNamee
Good time nothing.
Rudy Vallee
It was awful.
Doc Rockwell
What do you mean?
Announcer
Pot roast.
Doc Rockwell
Pot roast.
Graham McNamee
That's all we ever. I never want to look another pot roast in the face as long as I live. That's how I feel.
Doc Rockwell
Well, how do you think the pot roast feels about it?
Graham McNamee
What was that?
Doc Rockwell
Yes, by my mistake, Graham, go ahead. I did.
Graham McNamee
And then hanging around mornings and wondering when I'm ever going to eat for hours and hours. One morning we didn't have breakfast till after 11 o'.
Rudy Vallee
Clock.
Doc Rockwell
Well, after all, you can't cook pot roast in 10 minutes.
Rudy Vallee
Graham.
Graham McNamee
Pot roast for breakfast?
Doc Rockwell
Yes. And another thing, Graham, you've got to admit. Now tell the honest truth. Didn't I do everything possible to make you feel at home? I gave you the best room in the house, right next to the bathroom.
Graham McNamee
But I never got in there. Your aunt was in there all the time washing clothes in the bathtub.
Doc Rockwell
Ah, good old Aunt Maggie, always washing. She's the cleanest woman in Booth Bay Harbor. You notice, Blaine, you always had different napkins.
Graham McNamee
Yes, but we always had the same old pot roast.
Doc Rockwell
Yes, pot roast. Well, listen, Graham, all fooling aside, I've done everything possible that I can. And you know that thing. You know Graham as well as I do.
Red Skelton
Didn't I?
Doc Rockwell
Didn't I do all that I could? Ah, you know it, Graham. Yeah, yeah. Well, go ahead. Now, what do you mean when I say a thing like that? I'll back it up. By the way, Graham. By the way, Graham. Now wait a minute. Don't laugh. This is on the level. Did I ever tell you the story about the truth? Wait a minute, I've got to get this thing over. Don't get away from it. Don't try to back out. Graham, did I ever tell you the story about the two fleas?
Graham McNamee
No, and you're not going to. The bill is what I want.
Doc Rockwell
Oh, wait a Minute? It'll only take a couple of seconds, Graham. These two fleas were where?
Rudy Vallee
The circus.
Doc Rockwell
They saved up money for years and years. Finally they had enough to buy a dog between them and settle down.
Graham McNamee
Oh, listen, I'm tired of being kicked around now and being made a fool of. How about my money? You don't give me back every cent of it now, I'll call up every newspaper reporter that I know. I'll let them know what kind of a bird you are, mister.
Doc Rockwell
Oh, now, wait a minute, Graham.
Red Skelton
Don't do that.
Graham McNamee
Well, I'll tell them about this bill. $140 for board and room. An incidental.
Doc Rockwell
Wait a minute. Does it say board and room there on the bed?
Graham McNamee
Of course it does.
Red Skelton
It does.
Graham McNamee
It says right there. Why is it.
Doc Rockwell
Oh, well, that's different. That's a mistake, Graham. No wonder you got mad. I wouldn't charge any guest of mine for board and room.
Rudy Vallee
Well, I felt there was something wrong.
Graham McNamee
Certainly a load off my mind.
Doc Rockwell
I know that's a mistake, Graham. That's not for boarding room. That hundred and forty dollars are for incidentals.
Graham McNamee
Incidentals? What's this new thing?
Doc Rockwell
Now, why, incident accidentals. You know, miscellaneous Sunday.
Graham McNamee
That doesn't go.
Rudy Vallee
Be specific.
Graham McNamee
Itemize it.
Doc Rockwell
Why, offhand, mucilage and dress shields.
Red Skelton
Dress shields?
Singer/Chorus
Yes.
Graham McNamee
Dress shields?
Betty Lou Barry
Yes.
Graham McNamee
This whole thing is an outrageous farce. And you're not gonna make a SAP out of me any longer.
Doc Rockwell
Wait a minute, Graham. Now, take it easy.
Graham McNamee
Take it easy, you big hot air merchant. An American windbag.
Doc Rockwell
Now, wait. Go ahead, Glenn. Say all that you want to. The trouble with you is that you fly off the handle as to trouble you. It's no wonder you're always making enemies.
Graham McNamee
What do you mean, making enemies?
Doc Rockwell
Well, you know what I mean, making enemies. But I can overcome the hor thing. I've got a little book here, Graham, that shows the whole thing.
Graham McNamee
I don't want a little book, and I don't want a big book either.
Doc Rockwell
Wait a minute, Graham. Just take this book and look at it. The name of that thing is called how to Win Friends and Other Valuable Premiums.
Graham McNamee
What did you mean a minute ago by saying making enemies?
Doc Rockwell
Making? Well, you certainly don't make friends, Graham, by trying to get rid of olive stones at the dinner table. By putting them in the man's pocket sitting next to you.
Graham McNamee
I never did a thing like that in my life.
Doc Rockwell
Oh, I didn't say you did, Graham. But then a book avoids any possibility like this. No man ever has enough friends, Graham. Why supposing for instance, you want to sell subscriptions and win a bicycle or something like that.
Graham McNamee
That's a lot of nonsense.
Doc Rockwell
Just one last quill. But you'll take more friends. This tells how to make friends. And, Graham, the whole secret, as explained in this book, is to learn to put yourself in the background.
Graham McNamee
Why don't you try a little bit of that?
Doc Rockwell
Now, wait a minute, Graham. Don't get personal. Don't get personal, Graham. There's another fault. This book explains thoroughly. Now, right here, Prince, that remark, that little personal remark you just made. You don't think for one moment that that builds up, engenders or nourishes kindly feelings towards you in my breast, do you? But don't worry about the thing, Graham. The little book will explain the whole thing.
Graham McNamee
Did I tell you I don't want it?
Doc Rockwell
Well, there you are, Graham. Aye, aye, aye. I don't want this. I don't want. That's the trouble with you. You don't keep yourself in the background. Why, the very first time I said ayes at you at the dinner table, I knew you were an introvert.
Graham McNamee
What do you mean, an introvert?
Red Skelton
An introvert.
Doc Rockwell
A band of English. He turns the corn towards himself. An extrovert turns the corn outwards. Hey, hey, hey.
Graham McNamee
Who started this corn on the cop business?
Doc Rockwell
We've got an old maid up in Booth Bay harbor with only one tooth. When she gets through with an era corn, it looks like a corkscrew. Now, come on, Graham. Let's get right down to business. I want you to take this book.
Graham McNamee
I don't want the book.
Doc Rockwell
Yes, you do, too, Graham. You want the book. Just think of the thousands of friends it'll make. Anybody in your business needs it in the public eye.
Graham McNamee
Well, naturally, you're like a book.
Doc Rockwell
You realize, Graham, now this is serious. This is on the level. Do you realize, Graham, that you are probably one of the most popular men on the radio? And not only that, Graham, the women of this country are crazy about you.
Graham McNamee
Well, that's not for me to say, Doc.
Doc Rockwell
Well, there you are. Now, there's the idea. Now, you read this book, and not only. I don't care how many friends that you have today. Read the book and you will have millions or more. Now what? Think of what. Think of millions. War admirers. Loyal, enthusiastic fans writing in. Graham McNamee fans. Millions of them. All right, I'll read the book. There you are. All right, Graham, here is your book. Well, thanks, Doc.
Rudy Vallee
Thanks.
Doc Rockwell
Yes. Now, that will cost you exactly $2.50.
Graham McNamee
You mean to start selling me this book.
Doc Rockwell
Yes, sir.
Graham McNamee
Well, this is the last straw. Why, you.
Red Skelton
Great.
Doc Rockwell
Wait a minute, Graham. Wait, wait. Where are you going?
Graham McNamee
I'm going down to the restaurant until you're through.
Doc Rockwell
Wait a minute, Graham. Say, lay off the pot roast. It's terrible.
Graham McNamee
So long.
Rudy Vallee
Next week our cast will be headed by Ms. Maureen O' Sullivan of Hollywood and Willie Howard of Broadway. And of course, Tommy Riggs and Betty Lou Barry will be here with some other interesting people we hope you like. The Rudy Valley Company goes to Detroit, Michigan for a second six day engagement at the Eastwood Gardens. We'll be seeing you there. And this is Rudy Valley bidding you all good night.
Doc Rockwell
This is the National Broadcasting Company.
Podcast Date: January 11, 2026
Summary of Golden Age Radio Broadcast from August 12, 1937
This episode of Harold's Old Time Radio features a classic broadcast of Rudy Vallée’s “Royal Gelatin Hour” from 1937. The show presents a vibrant snapshot of pre-television American entertainment, complete with comedic sketches, musical performances, and dramatic playlets. Notably, it showcases early-career performances from figures like Red Skelton and Tommy Riggs (with his character Betty Lou Barry), a dramatic piece featuring Miriam Hopkins and Frances Fuller, and an interview and performance by film star Ramon Navarro.
[00:50-01:59]
[02:27-04:33]
[04:33-13:30]
[14:26-25:36]
[26:20-29:58]
[29:58-37:02]
[38:03-39:25]
[39:28-43:15]
[47:13-55:16]
The episode provides a charming, varied, and historically rich glimpse into American audio entertainment before television—brimming with clever humor, gentle pathos, and the evolving artistry of its stars.