Sad Sack 46-06-12 Returns Home From Army

Summary

Harold's Old Time Radio: "Sad Sack 46-06-12 Returns Home From Army" Episode Summary

Release Date: February 10, 2025
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Description: Relive the charm of the Golden Age of Radio with classic radio shows that captivated families before the advent of television. In this episode, "Sad Sack 46-06-12 Returns Home From Army," we follow the endearing and comical journey of Private Sad Sack as he transitions back to civilian life after World War II.

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1. Arrival Home

The episode opens with Private Sad Sack finally returning home after four long years in the Army. Eager to reunite with his beloved Lucy Twitchell, Sad Sack approaches the boarding house he once called home.

• Sad Sack's Excitement:
  [00:00] George Baker introduces Sad Sack: "Out of the pages of Yank, the Army Weekly, comes the hero of World War II... the Sad Sack."

• First Encounter with Mrs. Flanagan:
  Sad Sack greets his landlady, Mrs. Flanagan, hoping for a warm welcome. Instead, he is met with a mix of relief and frustration from her side.

  • Mrs. Flanagan's Rebuke:
    [02:03] Mrs. Flanagan expresses her disappointment: "Sad. Zack, if I sound nasty, it's your own fault. Leaving us so suddenly, just dropping out of sight."

• Sad Sack's Defense:
  Attempting to explain his absence, Sad Sack states, "But, Mrs. Flanagan, I couldn't help it. I got drafted." ([02:09])

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2. Reconnecting with Chester Fenwick

As Sad Sack navigates his return, he encounters his old roommate, Chester Fenwick, who brings both humor and camaraderie to the scene.

• Warm Reunion:
  [05:07] Chester warmly welcomes Sad Sack: "Sad Sack, you're back. How are you, boy?"

• Sharing War Stories:
  The two friends exchange tales of their respective wartime experiences, highlighting the stark contrasts between military and civilian hardships.

  • Chester on Civilian Struggles:
    [06:02] Chester reflects, "When I think of the knights, I've gone without steak so you boys could have Spam."

  • Sad Sack's Service in New Guinea:
    [06:29] Sad Sack shares, "The first place I landed was in New Guinea. I was in the first wave to hit the beach."

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3. The Quest for a Suit

Determined to present himself in his best civilian attire for Lucy, Sad Sack embarks on a mission to find the perfect suit, leading to a series of humorous interactions with a local salesman.

• Desperate for a Civilian Appearance:
  Sad Sack explains his urgency: "I just got back from overseas and I want to see my girl tonight." ([10:38])

• Suit Shopping Woes:
  The salesman presents Sad Sack with a suit that's ill-fitting, leading to comedic frustration.

  • Sad Sack's Struggle:
    [11:37] "With a suit on, I'm still 5ft 4," Sad Sack remarks, highlighting the mismatch.

  • Price Haggling:
    [13:35] The salesman offers a patched-up suit for $75, causing Sad Sack to exclaim, "Well, I can't wait anymore to see Lucy."

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4. The Climax: Misunderstandings and Heartbreak

Sad Sack's journey takes an emotional turn when he arrives at Lucy's residence only to discover that she has already married another man, Jimmy.

• Confusion at the Boarding House:
  [16:02] Mrs. Flanagan confronts Sad Sack: "Are you the fella just discharged from the army? ... That is you and my daughter?"

• Revealing the Mix-Up:
  Sad Sack realizes the misunderstanding when Mrs. Flanagan exclaims, "You aren't Jimmy?" ([18:52]), leading to the revelation that Lucy has already married.

• Heartbroken Sad Sack:
  Overwhelmed by the news, Sad Sack laments, "Gee, four years of dreams... and I was so true to it." ([19:46])

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5. Resolution and Reconciliation

In a heartfelt conclusion, Sad Sack faces his disappointment with resilience, only to discover moments of unexpected joy and connection.

• Encouragement from Mrs. Flanagan:
  [22:25] Mrs. Flanagan advises, "Sad Sack, the best thing a person can do with his problems is to face."

• Final Turnaround with Lucy:
  Sad Sack manages to speak with Lucy, clearing up the confusion and reaffirming their feelings for each other.

  • Lucy’s Clarification:
    [23:34] Lucy explains, "You came to 1222 Oak street to see me today? Yes, but Sad Zack, I moved from there a month and a half ago."

• Happy Reunion:
  The episode concludes with Sad Sack and Lucy reconnecting, symbolizing hope and new beginnings after hardship.

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6. Notable Quotes

Throughout the episode, several memorable lines capture the essence of Sad Sack's character and the era's sentiments:

• Mrs. Flanagan on Responsibility:
  [02:03] "Sad. Zack, if I sound nasty, it's your own fault. Leaving us so suddenly, just dropping out of sight."

• Sad Sack's Determination:
  [07:48] "I just got back from overseas and I want to see my girl tonight."

• Chester's Friendship:
  [05:25] "You've been in the thick of things. ... When I think of the knights, I've gone without steak so you boys could have Spam."

• Sad Sack's Resilience:
  [21:33] "I can't thank my civilian friends after what's happened. Please keep me in the army. Please. Please hate me."

• Final Affirmation:
  [25:34] "Oh, Lucy, you can imagine how I felt... What happened?"

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7. Conclusion

"Sad Sack 46-06-12 Returns Home From Army" masterfully blends humor, drama, and nostalgia, offering listeners a heartfelt glimpse into the life of a returning soldier grappling with reintegration and unfulfilled love. Through Sad Sack's trials and eventual reconciliation with Lucy, the episode underscores themes of resilience, friendship, and the enduring human spirit. This delightful installment not only entertains but also serves as a poignant reminder of the sacrifices made by those who serve.

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Tune in to Harold's Old Time Radio for more classic tales that capture the essence of bygone eras, bringing warmth and laughter to every family's listening experience.

Transcript

[George Baker]

Has anybody got a match? Thanks. Now I can light an Old Gold and listen to the Sad Sack. Out of the pages of Yank, the Army Weekly, comes the hero of World War II, the beloved and eternal buck Private, created by George Baker. Old Gold, the cigarette that does more to give you more. Old Gold is proud to present the Sad Sack. The warrior returns. The conqueror comes home. Yes, the Sad Sack has just been discharged from the Army. Let's follow him as he walks up the front steps of the boarding house he left four long years ago. One thought burns in his brain, as it has in every soldier's to get into a civilian suit and to see his girl.

[Private Sad Sack]

Allow. I'm home. I'm home. Oh, I am. Oh, someone's coming. Why, it's Mrs. Flanagan, my old landlady. She was like a mother to me. Hello, Mrs. Flanagan. Hello. Well, Mrs. Flanagan, you mean you don't remember me? It's me, Sad Sack. I'm back.

[Lucy Twitchell]

I'm home.

[Private Sad Sack]

I'm here. Say something. Mrs. Flanagan.

[Mrs. Flanagan]

Where's the $6 you owe me for the third week in April, 1941?

[Private Sad Sack]

Gee, she remembers me. The chaplain told us we wouldn't be forgotten.

[Mrs. Flanagan]

Sad. Zack, if I sound nasty, it's your own fault. Leaving us so suddenly, just dropping out of sight.

[Private Sad Sack]

But, Mrs. Flanagan, I couldn't help it. I got drafted.

[Mrs. Flanagan]

That's no excuse. Where have you been all the time in four years? You certainly could have dropped in for.

[Private Sad Sack]

A visit from overseas.

[Mrs. Flanagan]

Overseas?

[Private Sad Sack]

Yes, they sent me there by boat.

[Mrs. Flanagan]

My goodness, the idea of sending a green kid like you overseas.

[Private Sad Sack]

I was even greener on the boat.

[Mrs. Flanagan]

Oh, you got seasick? Well, I might have known it. You always did have a nervous stomach.

[Private Sad Sack]

Yes, but since I've been eating army food for four years, it's not nervous anymore. No, now it's neurotic.

[Mrs. Flanagan]

Ah, you poor boy. I suppose you had to spend the whole trip lying in your cabin.

[Private Sad Sack]

My cabin? On a troop ship? Gosh, all I had was a hammock. After three nights, I was so cramped up from it I could hardly walk.

[Mrs. Flanagan]

Heavens. Was it as bad as that?

[Private Sad Sack]

Yes. Then I found out you're not supposed to hang both ends of the hammock from the same hook.

[Mrs. Flanagan]

You should have demanded a cabin. Oh, but you've always been afraid to open your mouth and stand up for your own rights.

[Private Sad Sack]

But not anymore. In fact, people better be careful of me from now on. I read an article in Reader's Digest about returning veterans. I'm a problem.

[Mrs. Flanagan]

Now, Sad Sack, don't go getting any silly ideas Just because you read something about yourself.

[Private Sad Sack]

But it's true. The article said we're men now and we want to live. We don't want to settle right down we want the things we've been denied. Wine, women and song.

[Mrs. Flanagan]

Wine, women and song. Sad Sack, you don't drink, and I've never even seen you with a girl.

[Private Sad Sack]

Well, I sing a little. Besides, there's something you don't know. I do have a girl. A real girl. Female. Her name's Lucy Twitchell, and she lives at 1222 Oak Street. I only met her a week before I left for overseas, but we've been corresponding ever since. See, just thinking about her gives me goose pimples. Big one.

[Mrs. Flanagan]

Why? Say it, Saxon. What did you come home for? Why didn't you go right over and see her first?

[Private Sad Sack]

I wanted to go up to my room first and put on a civilian suit. I wanted her to see me as I used to be. Say, I still have my room, don't I?

[Mrs. Flanagan]

Well, your old roommate, Chester Fenwick hasn't shared it with anyone else, if that's what you mean. And don't let that poor flusher get his hands on your mustering outback.

[Private Sad Sack]

Oh, hasn't Chester changed at all, Mrs. Flanagan? Well, I'll see you later. I can't wait to get dressed and go see Lucy. Chester, it's me, Sad Sack. I'm back.

[Chester Fenwick]

Sad Sack, you're back. How are you, boy? Let me look at you. Turn around. Oh, you look great, boy. You look great.

[George Baker]

Yeah.

[Chester Fenwick]

Well, the army's done wonders for you. Tell me about it, Sad Sack. You've been in the thick of things. Well, you see, you know, I wanted to get in, too, but they wouldn't take me. You know why?

[Private Sad Sack]

Was it because your uncle was on the draft board?

[Chester Fenwick]

Yeah.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Why?

[Chester Fenwick]

Sad Sack, you know how bad my back is, boy. I couldn't carry a gun. Ah, but forget about me, Sad Sack. You're the one who's been over there. Been in a glorious fight for freedom. It must have been rough. Tell me about it. Tell me all about it.

[Private Sad Sack]

Well, the first place I landed.

[Chester Fenwick]

But don't think it's been easy here. Cause it ain't. We civilians put up with plenty. So you boys over there could have the best. When I think of the knights, I've gone without steak so you boys could have Spam. Ah, but forget about us. Tell me about you, buddy.

[Private Sad Sack]

Well, like I was saying, the first place I landed was in New Guinea. I was in the first wave to hit the beach.

[Chester Fenwick]

And that Reminds me, do you know that for three summers straight, I didn't have enough gas to go to the beach? Even once cooped up here in this boarding house when it was 90 degrees in the shade?

[Private Sad Sack]

Once I sat in a foxhole for 12 days in 110 degrees. The sweat just poured off me. That was awful.

[Chester Fenwick]

Do you know what I'd pay for a Turkish pass? Why, it cost me $10 to lose.

[Private Sad Sack]

Six pounds in that foxhole. I lost 20 pounds.

[Chester Fenwick]

Lucky boy. Ah, but the important thing is you're home now. You got that discharge emblem on your blouse, and you're mustering out pay in your pocket. You have got it in your pocket, haven't you?

[Private Sad Sack]

Yes, I've got it.

[Chester Fenwick]

Great. Great. When we go out tonight, it'll help us forget what you've been through.

[Private Sad Sack]

Well, gosh, Chester, about tonight. Well, you see, well, the first night home, a soldier usually wants to be with his girl. I have a girl, you know why.

[Chester Fenwick]

Sad sack, I didn't even know you knew anything about girls.

[Private Sad Sack]

I didn't, but I heard rumors, so I investigated.

[Chester Fenwick]

They're soft.

[Private Sad Sack]

Gee, I got a nice girl, too. Lucy Twitchell.

[Chester Fenwick]

But how come I didn't know anything about her?

[Private Sad Sack]

I met her at the canteen just before I went overseas. She gave me a ham sandwich. Gee, she's sweet with mustard.

[Chester Fenwick]

Well, well. So you finally got a girl. Wonder what's wrong with her.

[Private Sad Sack]

Of course, I haven't heard from her for two months because I was redeploying. But in my last letter, I. I proposed to her. I'm gonna marry her.

[Chester Fenwick]

Marry her? Now, wait a minute, boy. We've been roommates a long time. You can't bust up a thing like that without. Without giving it a little thought.

[Private Sad Sack]

No, Chester, my mind's made up. Excuse me while I go in the closet and get a suit to put on so I can go see it.

[Chester Fenwick]

A sad sucker.

[Private Sad Sack]

I wonder which one I should wear, the blue serge or the brown tweed. Or maybe my gray Gabbard Gabbert. Chester, I had three suits hanging in the closet. I don't see them.

[Chester Fenwick]

You don't?

[Private Sad Sack]

No. That's funny. They were here just four years ago.

[Chester Fenwick]

Um, moths, maybe.

[Private Sad Sack]

Moths? But they only eat wolves. There'd still be the zippers left. Sad sack.

[Mr. Flanagan]

I see.

[Chester Fenwick]

There's no use lying to you. You're my pal. I couldn't help it, boy. I couldn't help it. I love you too much.

[Private Sad Sack]

Chester, what are you talking about?

[Chester Fenwick]

Your suit, Sad sack. When I read about the New guinea invasion and I knew you were in it. I had a feeling I'd. I never see my little pal again. And those three suits hanging, they're reminding me of you. Looking so empty and lifeless. I. I couldn't stand it anymore, I tell you. I just couldn't stand it. So I sold.

[Private Sad Sack]

Gee, Chester, I never knew you cared for me that much. But, gosh, I wanted Lucy to see me in a civilian suit like I used to be. Now I'll have to go right out and buy a suit before I can see you.

[Chester Fenwick]

Oh, fine sad sack, do that. Yeah, and get a tweed, a large one. I've always wanted a tweed.

[Private Sad Sack]

My, there don't seem to be many suits on display. Oh, that must be the salesman coming over here. Yes, Hello. I'd like to get a suit of clothes.

[Chester Fenwick]

So would I. You.

[Private Sad Sack]

You don't understand. I just got back from overseas and I want to see my girl tonight. And all I got is this old GI uniform.

[Salesman]

Wear it in good health.

[Private Sad Sack]

Please. This is a very serious matter. I propose to Lucy by mail and to make sure she'll accept me. I want to look good.

[Salesman]

Or do you think a suit will do it?

[Private Sad Sack]

Oh, you'd be surprised what the right suit does for my figure. It hides it well.

[Salesman]

Our stock is very low, and I suggest that you drop back in a month or two.

[Private Sad Sack]

A month or two? But, Chief, I'm a veteran. The chaplain said people would be nice to us.

[Salesman]

Well, since you're a veteran, and since our store likes to take the veterans interest to heart, I'll take a look in the rack and see what we've got. Say, what size are you, soldier?

[Private Sad Sack]

Five feet four with my shoes on.

[Salesman]

I mean, suit.

[Private Sad Sack]

With a suit on, I'm still 5ft 4.

[Salesman]

What a coincidence. Well, you can't be too choosy on size nowadays.

[Chester Fenwick]

Here.

[Salesman]

Here's something. Slip it on. Well, now, how does it feel?

[Private Sad Sack]

Gee, I know you said I shouldn't be choosy about fit, but I think it's a little too big.

[Salesman]

What makes you say that?

[Private Sad Sack]

I have to bend over to put my hands in the pockets. I don't think Lucy would like me in this.

[Salesman]

Oh, well, all right, take it off. I think we have one small suit back here. It's a lucky thing you're a veteran or I wouldn't let you have it.

[Private Sad Sack]

Gee, I hope the color is right. I remember Lucy once said she liked my necktie because it matched my eyes. So would you have a suit that matched my eyes?

[Salesman]

I don't know. What color are your eyes?

[Private Sad Sack]

Well, they're Gee, I forget. Would you look into them, please?

[Salesman]

Oh, all right. Let's see. Your eyes are blue.

[Private Sad Sack]

Yours are green. Well, do you have a blue suit to match my eyes?

[Salesman]

No, no, this one small suit I've got happens to be brown. Here, here, try. If it comes anywhere near fitting, I'd advise you to take it.

[Private Sad Sack]

All right, guys, this one is too tight. It pinches me in the shoulders.

[Salesman]

Look, before you make up your mind about the pinching, try the pants on. Why, the way the pants will pinch, you won't even think about the coat.

[Private Sad Sack]

I think this suit is much too tight. I can hardly move my arms. Gee, I won't even be able to hug Lucy when I see her if I dare.

[Salesman]

Oh, well, don't you worry. It'll loosen up as you wear it. Go ahead, move your arms around.

[Private Sad Sack]

Well, all right.

[Salesman]

There, see? I bet it feels looser already.

[Private Sad Sack]

Jay, I can't wear this. It's ripped.

[Salesman]

Well, since you're a veteran, we'll sew it up and let you keep it. Of course, it'll still be a little tight, but the important thing is you'll have a suit, and for only $75.

[Private Sad Sack]

$75?

[Salesman]

Yes, we're not like other forms. We're patriotic. We only take three quarters of your mustering out pay.

[Private Sad Sack]

Well, I. I can't wait anymore to see Lucy. So fix it up. Go ahead. Gee, how I love that Lucy. Four years, and in all that time I never looked at or had a single thought about another woman. Gee, I wonder if I'm normal.

[George Baker]

Well, Sad Sack finally got a suit, even though it is a little tight. And he's on his way to 1222 Oak street to see @ long last his girl. But let's go ahead and see what's happening at 1222 Oak street before sad sack gets there.

[Lucy Twitchell]

But, Daddy, let me explain.

[Mr. Flanagan]

You have plenty of explaining to do. Staying out all night? No daughter of mine stays out all night.

[Lucy Twitchell]

But, Daddy.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Oh, how much can a man stand? My son bangs up the car, I have a fight with my wife, my daughter stays out all night, and on top of that, this morning I find fungus on my rhododendrons.

[Lucy Twitchell]

But, Daddy, you're getting excited over nothing. I'm trying to tell you, I got married last night.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Is that any excuse to stay out all married? You got married?

[Lucy Twitchell]

Yes, Daddy. His name's Jimmy and he just got discharged from the army. He's tall and handsome and has big muscles and he dresses like a million dollars.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Well, why isn't he here? At least your husband should come back with his wife and need his in laws.

[Lucy Twitchell]

But here he is coming here, Daddy, he just dropped off at his house to tell his folks the good news. Oh, I'm so exhausted from all this excitement. Simon, I'm going upstairs. You'll be sure and call me when Jimmy gets to you.

[Mr. Flanagan]

All right. Oh, now, now. If only my son would go get married to some ex whack, I'd have some peace around here. That must be Jimmy, my new son in law. Tall, dark and handsome. I might have known my daughter. Go for the physical typ.

[Private Sad Sack]

Hello. Here I am.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Well, Well, I. Oh, no.

[Private Sad Sack]

What's the matter?

[Mr. Flanagan]

Wait a minute. Are you the fella just discharged from the army? I mean, are you the fella who. That is you and my daughter?

[Private Sad Sack]

Yes, I guess I am.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Oh, Paul and Hanson.

[George Baker]

Oh, thank you, Big muscles.

[Private Sad Sack]

The army did it for me. I guess they stand out more in this tight suit.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Well, come on in out of the doorway before the neighbors see you.

[Private Sad Sack]

Yes, sir.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Dress is like a million dollars. Excuse me, but that suit. Where did you get that suit?

[Private Sad Sack]

Oh, I know it's a little tight, but I was desperate for a suit. I was desperate.

[Mr. Flanagan]

What did you do, hold up a midget in a dark alley?

[Private Sad Sack]

Oh, no, I bought it. And I was lucky too. They told me they saved it especially for a veteran.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Oh, I just can't believe it. I can't believe it. Wait a minute. Stand up again.

[Private Sad Sack]

Yes, sir.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Sit down.

[George Baker]

It's true.

[Mr. Flanagan]

What's done? Done? What are your plans?

[Private Sad Sack]

My plan?

[Mr. Flanagan]

Yes, concerning my daughter. I assume since you're just out of the army, you're not too well set up financially for a place of your own. You want to move right in with my daughter this evening.

[Salesman]

But I.

[Private Sad Sack]

Do you, I want today, not. Huh?

[Mr. Flanagan]

Well, what's the matter? It's perfectly all right.

[Chester Fenwick]

It is?

[Private Sad Sack]

Gosh, America sure has changed in four years. Gee, I didn't think I'd be getting married this fast.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Well, I didn't think my daughter would either. You only told me about it a few minutes ago.

[Private Sad Sack]

Oh, gosh, if I'm gonna move in today, I better get going. Might take some time to get the license.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Yeah, sometimes there's quite a delay getting the license. The license? The license?

[Private Sad Sack]

Yes. You need one when you get married.

[Mr. Flanagan]

He's telling me. I'll. I'll. I'll kill him. Somebody hold me or I'll kill him. Somebody hold me.

[Private Sad Sack]

I'll hold you.

[Mr. Flanagan]

My blood pressure.

[Private Sad Sack]

What are you getting so excited about?

[Mr. Flanagan]

Gonna kill you. I'm gonna. I'm gonna.

[Private Sad Sack]

Whatever it is, I won't do it again.

[Mr. Flanagan]

That's not good enough. You viper. You cad, you. You tight shooter.

[Private Sad Sack]

Gee, if you feel this strongly about it, I'll. I'll do the noble thing.

[Mr. Flanagan]

And what's that?

[Private Sad Sack]

I. I won't marry.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Oh, who wears a bull and instruments?

[Private Sad Sack]

Please put down the chair. Really, I don't understand this. Look, won't you please tell your daughter that Sad Sack is here?

[Mr. Flanagan]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What did you say your name was?

[Private Sad Sack]

Sad Sack?

[Mr. Flanagan]

Sad Sack?

[Private Sad Sack]

Yes, sir.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Then you aren't Jimmy?

[Private Sad Sack]

No, sir. I just got out of the army today. I proposed to your daughter by mail just before I left overseas and I haven't seen her yet to know if she's accepted me. Who's Jimmy?

[Mr. Flanagan]

What a relief this is. Sad Sack, let me shake your hand. I like you.

[Private Sad Sack]

How long do you think you'll feel that way before you have the chair up in the air again?

[Mr. Flanagan]

Oh, forget that. You see, my daughter got married last night to a boy named Jimmy. And I mistook you for Jimmy and I thought you had murdered. But now everything is wonderful, see?

[Private Sad Sack]

I'm glad it all worked out so good. Did you say she was married?

[Chester Fenwick]

Yes.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Yes, and she. Oh, I. I forgot about you. I'm sorry, son.

[Private Sad Sack]

Oh, that's all right. Everybody forgets about me. Gosh, four years of dreams, dreaming about her, and I was so true to it. Whenever I'd start dreaming of Lana Turner or Hedy Lamar, I'd force myself to wake up. Well, goodbye.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Wait a minute, son. Wouldn't you like to see her and talk to her before you go?

[Private Sad Sack]

No, I couldn't stay. I don't know what I'll do now, but. Will you give her this? It's a present I brought back from the South Pacific port.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Pretty package. What is it?

[Private Sad Sack]

A coconut. They grow there.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Goodbye.

[Private Sad Sack]

Oh, life holds nothing for me anymore. There's only one thing left for me to do and I'm gonna do it right now.

[Recruiter]

Well, what can I do for you, buddy?

[Private Sad Sack]

I. I want to reenlist. Re.

[Recruiter]

Enlist? You mean we took you in the first place?

[Private Sad Sack]

Yes. I was in for four years in the thick of it. I gotta get back. I just got it.

[Recruiter]

Why are you so anxious?

[Private Sad Sack]

I got something to tell the chaplain.

[Recruiter]

Well, I'll tell you, buddy, things are.

[Private Sad Sack]

A little different now.

[Recruiter]

We're not fighting a war where we can take just anybody. We have to have men who can make an impression on a conquered enemy.

[Private Sad Sack]

But I fought them with bullets.

[Recruiter]

Yeah, but that was different. They didn't get a chance to see you.

[Private Sad Sack]

But I got again, and I got up. I can't thank my civilian friends after what's happened. Please keep me in the army. Please. Please hate me.

[Recruiter]

I wonder if anybody would believe me. Hey, look, kid, I am sorry for you. So if you'll just give me your name and number, I'll tell you what I'll do.

[Private Sad Sack]

Geez, what?

[Recruiter]

If there's ever another war, I'll phone you.

[Mrs. Flanagan]

Here, have some more cocoa center. It'll quiet you down.

[Private Sad Sack]

Thank you, Mr. Swine.

[Chester Fenwick]

Ah, it's a fine thing. Wouldn't even take the boy back in the army after his girl jilted. It's a fine country. Fine country I'm glad I live in.

[Mrs. Flanagan]

You be quiet, Chester Fenway. Can't you see the boy's been hurt, that he's heartbroken?

[Private Sad Sack]

Yeah, I'm heartbroken. See, now I know how Gene Tierney felt in Dragon Week. I don't think I'm ever going to get over this. I just can't.

[Mrs. Flanagan]

I'll get it. Hello?

[Lucy Twitchell]

Hello. I'd like to speak to Sad Sack, please.

[Mrs. Flanagan]

Just a minute. It's for you, Sad Sack. It's a girl.

[Private Sad Sack]

A girl? I don't know any other girls, but Lucy. Lucy. Oh, I can't talk to her. I can't.

[Mrs. Flanagan]

Sad Sack, the best thing a person can do with his problems is to face. Now, you go ahead and talk to her and get it out of your sister.

[Private Sad Sack]

All right. But you don't know what this is doing to me. Mrs. Planning. Hello, Lucy.

[Mrs. Flanagan]

Oh, Sad Sack, don't be so nervous, will you? Wait till I hand you the phone.

[Private Sad Sack]

Here. Thanks. Hello?

[Lucy Twitchell]

Hello, Sad Sack? This is Lucy. Oh, Lucy. Oh, Sad Sack, I don't understand you. I heard you performing around and you didn't even come to see.

[Private Sad Sack]

I couldn't wait. For four years I dreamed of coming back to 1222 Oak street and when I came there today to see you, what happened?

[Lucy Twitchell]

You came to 1222 Oak street to see me today? Yes, but Sad Zack, I moved from there a month and a half ago.

[Private Sad Sack]

Do you move from there then? You weren't. Then you didn't.

[Mr. Flanagan]

Oh, I'm so happy.

[George Baker]

The Sad Sack will return in just a moment, but first I'd like to.

[Woman]

Pardon me, Mr. Joy. I know you're going to talk about cigarettes, and I have a very important question to us.

[George Baker]

Well, ask away, good lady.

[Woman]

Well, I keep hearing so much about cigarette laboratory, too. Tell me, are smokers becoming guinea pigs or do they still smoke?

[Chester Fenwick]

Well, you.

[George Baker]

You do hear a lot about throat irritation and such these days. But as far as Old Gold is concerned. Concerned? Well, they want you to enjoy your smoke. They want you to get the full pleasure of rich, fragrant tobacco. But if you should worry about your throat, I'll tell you this. In a two week test conducted by Fact Finders Associates, 69% of 1200 smokers of other leading brands, or more than two out of three, stated they found Old Gold less irritating to the throat. But we're not throat doctors. We manufacture pleasure. Pleasure burning at the end of a cigarette. Old Gold. Pleasure. So if you want a treat instead of a treatment, treat yourself to a pack of Old Gold right away.

[Woman]

Well, goodbye.

[George Baker]

Where are you going?

[Woman]

I'm off for a treat instead of a treatment. Old Gold.

[George Baker]

And now let's look in on the porch of the house Lucy really lives in where we find an extremely happy veteran talking to his girls.

[Private Sad Sack]

Gosh, Lucy, you can imagine how I felt when I thought that man at 1222 Oak street was your father and you had married another man with muscles.

[Lucy Twitchell]

Oh, but that's all over now, Santa. Would you. Would you like to put your arms around me?

[Private Sad Sack]

Gosh, Lucy, I don't think I should.

[Lucy Twitchell]

Oh, don't be silly. It's all right. And you've been through so much.

[Private Sad Sack]

That's not what I mean.

[Lucy Twitchell]

Oh, come on, Zach. Put your arms around me.

[Private Sad Sack]

Well, all right. Here goes. That's what I mean. It.