
Sam & Henry 29-01-14 The Efficiency Expert
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Amos
I agree with you that we ought to do something about the company so that we can make some money.
Andy
Amos, I was going to make this taxicab company one of the greatest taxicab companies the world has ever done knowed about.
Amos
I hope you do something with it.
Andy
One of the first things we gotta get is a slogan for the Fresh Air Taxicab Company. Something that goes on the end of the name so that everybody will know what we are talking about and what we're trying to do.
Amos
Well, I agree with you there. It would be nice if we could get some kind of slogan.
Andy
I got some writ down here, but they ain't right yet. Reason of what you got the Fresh Air Taxicab Company of America Incorporated. Now here's the slogan. Hot or cold. Cold or hot. The cab you want is what we got.
Amos
That ain't bad. That kind of poultry, ain't it?
Andy
Yeah, that's poultry. But we ain't gotta have poultry though. We need a slogan for the company. We could have one like this. Ride with us and get country air in the village. That's bad though, ain't it?
Amos
Well, we'd get a slogan from somewhere. What else is he gonna do to the company?
Andy
Well, Amos, the way we is going now, you know the same as I know that we ain't making no money. You can figure that out.
Amos
I ain't gotta do much thinking to find out that. Cause I know I ain't got enough money to eat on. Hardly.
Andy
The thing we has gotta do is to make money.
Amos
How we gonna make it?
Andy
That's what I gotta figure out. Looking at the books here, it ain't no use to look at them no more though. I done looked at them till I was six.
Amos
Well, what'd you wanna find out?
Andy
You know, I was just thinking here a minute ago. I wonder where Willie Parker is.
Amos
He ain't on your mind now, is he? You ain't think about her?
Andy
Oh, no, No. I was just wondering where she is though.
Amos
What do you care where she is?
Andy
She's liable to come back here and sue me again. Somebody say she's going to the country for a rest. Maybe she's going to the country to get rested up and come back here and Start all over again.
Amos
You ain't gonna worry about her now, is you?
Andy
Forget about her, Amos. I was glad this mess is over. But I don't know this mess about this breach of promise thing. But you know, if she was a little different about something, she'd be a wonderful gal.
Amos
Yeah, if he done sued you who bleed the promise though. You know that, don't you?
Andy
Yeah, I know she did. But I was just thinking last night before I went to bed how sweet she was. I was just sitting down by myself. Remy Mittens.
Amos
What kind of miss.
Andy
I was thinking about her.
Amos
I hope you anything about her now.
Andy
She was mean to me, Amos, but I loved her.
Amos
12 years trying to get a taxicab business going and you talking about love again. Andy, you make me mad sometime.
Andy
I know, Amos, but I was in love. I had saved my love all my life till I met Snookum.
Amos
Yeah, you ain't losing your mind by auntie and you.
Andy
No, but Amos, sometime when you in love, you never gets over. I know you think I was crazy, but she was a sweet gal, Amos.
Amos
Yeah, she was sweet. But when she was suing you and she hopped on you, you didn't think she was sweet then?
Andy
She called me Popsy boy. Her little Popsy boy.
Amos
You ain't still in love with that girl, is Yandy?
Andy
No, I love with her, but I was just thinking back. No, I love with her. I don't care if I never see her again. But I never will forget.
Amos
Never will forget what?
Andy
One night when I was leaving, she cried and I kissed her and the tears was running down her cheeks. And she said as I walked away, good night, my love. Oh, Amos, just let me think. Just let me sit here and think.
Amos
Andy, if you don't stop talking like that, I gonna take something and hit you in the head with it.
Andy
I was just thinking about it. I don't love her. I don't care nothing about her.
Amos
If she come back here and start suing you again, you wouldn't think about it.
Andy
I hope she don't start suing me no more. I want to get sued.
Amos
You gotta make some money. You know you owe money.
Andy
What you mean I owe money?
Amos
Well, you ain't never paid that detective yet and you ain't never paid your lawyer.
Andy
That is right, ain't it? What are I gonna do about that now?
Amos
We gotta make some money, that's what we gotta do.
Andy
Well, how was I gonna make money in the taxicab business when we ain't taking in no money? I look at the books all the time and work on em. But I can't get nothing out of the books unless you bring in some money.
Amos
Well, I was doing the best I can. About time you was getting out and doing something yourself.
Andy
You don't expect me to get out and ride in a taxicab, would you?
Amos
No, but when I ain't driving it myself, you could be driving the thing.
Andy
Now listen Amos, just cause you is the assistant bookkeeper and on the board of directors don't think that you gonna jump on me. Cause you know I still the head of the company around here and the head man. And if I want to do it I can take you off of the board of directors and you couldn't say nothing.
Amos
No. I tell you Andy, I want to marry Ruby Taylor. I don't give her engagement then, but I can't get married till I get some money.
Andy
And you don't want to get married till you get some money.
Amos
Well, he wants to get married though and I want to make some money.
Andy
Now listen here Amos, Ruby Taylor's been talking to you and trying to tell you what to do.
Amos
No, she is now.
Andy
Yes, she is now. And I want Ruby Taylor to keep her mouth out of this business because I is running this here company.
Amos
Well, ain't no use to get mad.
Andy
I ain't getting mad. I just telling you, that's all.
Amos
Telling me what?
Andy
I'm telling you that I don't want you to go out here and talk to Ruby Taylor and then come back here and try to tell me what to do.
Amos
All I have you to do here is the time and get going so we can make some money.
Andy
What was you doing down at the Lodge hall today?
Amos
Well, that's what I want to talk to you about.
Andy
What you mean that's what you want to talk to me about?
Amos
I was talking to one of the brothers down there and he thinks that he knows why we ain't making no money.
Andy
He knows why we ain't making no money, huh? How come we ain't making none?
Amos
Well, this man is a sister man. He comes into the company, you see, and looks down and puts the company on a system basis so they can make money. If he, he calls himself some kind of expert, something, Let me see, that's something like a proficiency expert, something like that.
Andy
He don't think he's no expert than I is though, do he?
Amos
No, no. He claims though that he can come into the company and tell you what's the matter with the company so that you can make money you see, you.
Andy
Ain'T fool me now, is you?
Amos
No, no. I done had a long talk with him. I told him that the taxicab company wasn't going so good. He claims that he can come in and put the company on a system basis and fix up everything so we can make a lot of money. That's what he claims.
Andy
How much he charged?
Amos
I didn't talk to him about that.
Andy
What do we do?
Amos
I don't know. He say he come in and figure out everything. That's what he do.
Andy
Oh, I know the kind of man you talking about. In case the automobile has broke down, he fixes. Or if I want to send somebody to the store, he runs to the store for me, give me what I want. He do all the odd jobs like that? Sort of office boy he is, I guess. Get a hold of him. Tell him to come up. I'll put him to work. Oh yeah, sure. He. He's a reficiency expert, one of them experts.
Amos
All right. I'll see if I can get a hold of him and I tell him. You want to see him?
Andy
Oh yeah. Be nice for him to sit around here and answer the phone. Case. Eyes out. He could stay here while I take a nap in the daytime. Oh yeah, sure. Get in. We can use that time.
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Summary of "Sam & Henry 29-01-14 The Efficiency Expert"
Episode Release Date: March 23, 2025
Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
Episode: Sam & Henry 29-01-14 The Efficiency Expert
Introduction
In the episode titled "The Efficiency Expert," listeners are transported back to the Golden Age of Radio, featuring the beloved duo, Amos and Andy. This installment delves into their struggles with the Fresh Air Taxicab Company, exploring themes of business challenges, personal relationships, and the quest for improvement.
Setting the Stage: Business Woes
The episode opens with Amos expressing concern over their stagnant taxicab business.
Amos [00:15]: "I agree with you that we ought to do something about the company so that we can make some money."
Andy shares his ambitious vision for transforming their taxicab company into a renowned enterprise.
Andy [00:20]: "Amos, I was going to make this taxicab company one of the greatest taxicab companies the world has ever done known about."
Despite their shared determination, both recognize the immediate need to enhance the company's branding.
The Slogan Struggle
A significant portion of their conversation revolves around creating an effective slogan for the Fresh Air Taxicab Company. Andy presents various slogan ideas, attempting to encapsulate the company's essence.
Andy [00:47]: "Hot or cold. Cold or hot. The cab you want is what we got."
Amos critiques the slogans humorously, indicating the challenges in finding the perfect fit.
Amos [01:05]: "That ain't bad. That kind of poultry, ain't it?"
Their brainstorming session highlights the importance of marketing in their business strategy.
Financial Pressures and Personal Struggles
The dialogue shifts to the pressing financial issues plaguing the company. Amos reveals the bleak state of their finances, admitting they aren't making enough to sustain themselves.
Amos [01:38]: "I ain't gotta do much thinking to find out that. Cause I know I ain't got enough money to eat on. Hardly."
Andy echoes the sentiment, emphasizing the critical need to generate revenue.
Andy [01:43]: "The thing we has gotta do is to make money."
The conversation takes a personal turn as Andy reflects on past relationships and legal troubles, revealing deeper emotional layers that impact their business decisions.
Andy [02:12]: "She's liable to come back here and sue me again."
Amos [03:15]: "12 years trying to get a taxicab business going and you talking about love again. Andy, you make me mad sometime."
These exchanges underscore the interplay between personal lives and professional challenges.
Introducing the Efficiency Expert
A pivotal moment occurs when Amos discusses a potential solution to their financial woes: hiring an efficiency expert introduced by a brother from the Lodge hall.
Amos [07:04]: "He calls himself some kind of expert, something like a proficiency expert, something like that."
Andy remains skeptical, questioning the expertise and potential contribution of this individual.
Andy [07:29]: "He don't think he's no expert than I is though, do he?"
Despite reservations, they contemplate bringing the expert on board to restructure their business operations.
Resolution and Moving Forward
By the episode's conclusion, Amos commits to contacting the efficiency expert, hoping that external intervention will rejuvenate their failing taxicab company.
Andy [08:07]: "Oh, I know the kind of man you talking about... He's a reficiency expert, one of them experts."
Amos [08:34]: "All right. I'll see if I can get a hold of him and I tell him."
This decision marks a turning point, illustrating their willingness to seek help and adapt in the face of adversity.
Conclusion
"The Efficiency Expert" masterfully intertwines business dilemmas with personal narratives, offering listeners a nuanced portrayal of Amos and Andy's endeavors to save their taxicab company. Through humor, conflict, and moments of introspection, the episode captures the essence of their enduring friendship and entrepreneurial spirit.
Notable Quotes:
Key Takeaways:
This episode serves as a compelling narrative on entrepreneurship, friendship, and resilience, resonating with listeners who appreciate classic radio storytelling infused with timeless themes.