
Saturday Night Theatre 1966-12-24 Box of Delights (John Masefield)
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Kay Harker
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Narrator (Kay Harker)
This is a story about me, Kay Harker. When I was young, when we all were however old we are now. A curious thing that happened to me at Christmas time just over 30 years ago.
Abner Brown
The Box of Delights. Or when the Wolves were Running a Fantasy by John Macefield, freely dramatized for radio by John Keir Cross. The Box of Delights. An entertainment for Christmas.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
My name, as I said, is Kay Harker. And on that old far day I was on my way from school for the holidays back to my home at Sea King's house. My guardian, Miss Caroline Louisa, was meeting me with the car at Condicut. But I had to change, I remember. At Musborough Junction.
Police Inspector
Musborough Junction. All for Yokwoodine and New Minster. Go to number five platform by the subway.
Kay Harker
All for.
Police Inspector
Ah, now stand back there, master. We're going to shift the train, please.
Kay Harker
I've lost my ticket. I think I must have dropped it in the carriage.
Police Inspector
One minute, then we'll see.
Kay Harker
Thank you.
Police Inspector
Which seat were you sitting at, master?
Kay Harker
Just there, but there's no sign of it.
Police Inspector
Not under the seat anyhow.
Kay Harker
I've looked, and not even in the crank there down at the back.
Police Inspector
I don't seem to see it neither, so you better explain at the subway. We've got to jump this train out now.
Kay Harker
Will they be angry with me?
Police Inspector
Oh, they might. Well, all this trouble with chaps with no tickets like last week.
Kay Harker
What happened last week?
Police Inspector
Well, they got him, so they did. He was under one of the seats dressing up as a duchess, and in another minute he'd have finished. So not even the prime minister would have told the difference. Oh, and now stand back, master, cause we're going to shunt.
Kay Harker
Thank you very much. Oh, dear. Well, hello there. Good boy. Ah, nice old boy, then. Oh, I do wish I could find that ticket.
Abner Brown
Aha.
Cole Haulings
Good day then, young master.
Kay Harker
Oh, good day.
Cole Haulings
I see that my Barney dog has made friends with you at first sight.
Rat
So he has.
Kay Harker
Yes, he has. He does seem to me that's the.
Cole Haulings
Time that likings are made so it is. And you are looking for your ticket, I believe. Which low is on the platform dropped at your feet.
Kay Harker
Why, so it is. Oh, thank you ever so much.
Cole Haulings
You must have slipped it out as you rampaged, or didn't you?
Kay Harker
I just don't know. But I suppose so.
Cole Haulings
And so we must be moving along, young master, or else they'll be wondering where we've got to. Especially when the wolves are running.
Kay Harker
The wolves?
Cole Haulings
The wolves. But never mind. They cannot harm you. So let us be on our way, shall we?
Kay Harker
Could I give you a hand, please, to help you carry that big case of yours?
Cole Haulings
No, I thank you, master. But if you would be so kind as to steady her when I swing her, then I could get her to my back, which is where she rides A triumph. Only I do date from pagan times and age makes joints to creak, doesn't it?
Kay Harker
I should think it does.
Cole Haulings
Now I'm going to swing. Yes, and keep it you, young master, from rolling me over. If you would be so gracious.
Kay Harker
There then. There.
Cole Haulings
Thank you, thank you. For I've only a frail little old withered body. Like the ghost of ninepence, young master. Get down, my Barney dog.
Abner Brown
Good boy. Good boy.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
And now I was in the other train. But somehow I couldn't get that strange little old man I'd encountered out of my mind. With his green baize boxes in his Irish terrier. And the brightest eyes I ever saw, as alert as a bird's or a squirrel's. For all that he was only the ghost of nightmares. There were two men suddenly in the carriage with me. And although they were dressed as clergymen, they made me uneasy.
Rat
For some reason.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
Before they settled down, they kept peering about in a furtive way as if they were looking for someone. And even at one time under the seats, one of them had a round, chubby face and the other a thin, foxy face.
Rat
Going home for the holidays, young sir?
Kay Harker
Yes. Yes, I am.
Abner Brown
And very seasonable weather for it, too. We are to have snow, it seems. And no doubt you enjoy snowballing and bargaining and making snowmen?
Kay Harker
I do, rather.
Rat
Boys. Wherever, boys. And do you travel far, may I ask?
Kay Harker
Only just a condicate, sir.
Abner Brown
Ah, indeed. Condiket. It appears that there's to be quite a gathering at Condiket this Christmas. One way and another.
Rat
Quiet.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
Careful.
Cole Haulings
I beg your pardon, friend.
Abner Brown
I merely meant the district should be more than usually crowded this year. On account of the special seasonal celebrations at Tatchester Cathedral.
Rat
Of course, of course. Now I wonder, my young friend.
Kay Harker
Oh, oh. What was that?
Abner Brown
What was what, young sir?
Kay Harker
I thought I saw some big dogs go rushing past along the corridor.
Rat
Dogs, indeed. Some of the friends of man, as they call our.
Kay Harker
These ones didn't look very friendly. They were all fierce and snarling and snapping their teeth.
Abner Brown
I fear I noticed nothing in my humble, unobservant way.
Cole Haulings
But you were about to ask our.
Abner Brown
Young traveling companion something, friend.
Rat
Merely if he would perhaps be doing any card tricks during his Christmas holidays.
Kay Harker
If you please, sir, I don't know any.
Rat
But you are often observed, I see. What? What? I fancy you would be good at them. Don't you think, Tristan, that he has the face of one certain to be clever at cartech or what?
Abner Brown
Just the very facial angle. And the Bormian index.
Rat
Just so. Now, let me see if I happen to have my cards with me. Ah, yes, I have my old companions, no doubt.
Cole Haulings
Our young friend has been instructed not to play cards with strangers in a train.
Kay Harker
Well, as a matter of fact, I.
Rat
Am inclined to agree with you, Lancelot. But there will at least be no harm in showing him one of the tricks with which sharpers deceive the unwary. Huh?
Abner Brown
Indeed, indeed.
Rat
Let me demonstrate the commonest trick often known as spotting the lady. I deal out three cards.
Kay Harker
So.
Rat
And one of them is the queen of clubs. And the other two, low numbered hearts. Now, mark them well. I twist them and shift them and set them upside down. And lo. Now, which is the lady? The queen herself.
Kay Harker
That one, I'm certain.
Rat
So it is, so it is. Ah, what it is to have young sharp eyes, Gawaine.
Police Inspector
What?
Kay Harker
Huh?
Abner Brown
It wasn't his young eyes, it was your clumsy dealing.
Rat
That's so. I lack practice. I must give myself some incentive if you bid me this time you shall have sixpence, for indeed I must be put upon my mettle. How much? Now, prepare. Watch now. The whirling cards. They shift, they lift, they dive. Twiddle, twiddle, twiddle. Pooty cat and fiddle strings.
Abner Brown
And can you tell the lady this time, Master K?
Kay Harker
Yes, here she is. But. And write.
Rat
And write again. Here's your sixpence. I thought I was discreet, but you have an eye like a lynx.
Abner Brown
As I said, the very borrow mean index itself on his brow it is written.
Rat
Now may I try once again? If I beat you this time, you shall give me half a crown for the poor box on next Sunday's collection, Please. Of course, of course.
Abner Brown
That would be simply sportsman's honor.
Rat
Ah, agreed, Sir Dagonet. Now, hark to Merlin again. The fatal sister spins her web. Mark well her hand, the hand of destiny so shoots the weft across the serried warp and back the sword beats and the sheer descends. Now, which is the lady?
Kay Harker
This one. I saw her from underneath as the cards went down. Oh. Oh, no. It's only the three of hearts.
Rat
How did that happen? Ah, why not? And that will be just half a crown, please, for the collection in aid of the decayed cellarers. Poor fellows.
Police Inspector
Oh.
Kay Harker
What? Oh, well, there you are, I suppose.
Abner Brown
A debt of honor. You know, young. Young Mr. Harker of sea Kings.
Kay Harker
Now, look here. How do you know about me? We've never met before, but that's twice you've mentioned my name.
Rat
Magic. No doubt that is a proverb.
Abner Brown
More know Tom fool than Tom fool knows. Not that we want you to think that. We think you're a fool by no means, but this is Kondaker itself, I.
Rat
Fancy, where the hawks get out to wait for the chicken. Palomedes, if the chicken is still on the wing. Not so loud.
Cole Haulings
Not so loud. And so here we are.
Abner Brown
Here we are, then, Mr. Harker, permit me to help you down with your case.
Kay Harker
Thank you very much.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
Ah.
Abner Brown
Yeah, that's it.
Rat
We may meet again, young Kay. Although in many ways I hope not.
Kay Harker
But I say, look here.
Rat
Goodbye. Goodbye. There's your guardian, Miss Caroline. Louisa coming over to meet you.
Abner Brown
Goodbye.
Rat
Possibly. Au revoir, young Kay.
Abner Brown
Goodbye.
Kay Harker
Oh, dear, dear. How did they know me? Well, there you are, then, Kayleigh. Hello, Miss Caroline. It's good to see you. I've got the car out there all ready and waiting. Oh, just a minute. What are you patting your pockets for? I think. I think there must have been pickpockets in the crowd. Yes, they got my purse and my dollar walk. When did you see them last? Well, just a few minutes before we reached the street. Did you notice any suspicious person near you? No. There were only a couple of clergymen in the train from the missionary college at Hope under Chesters, I dare say, and I doubt if they would have done it. We'll speak to the police, Inspector.
Rat
Thank you.
Kay Harker
Oh, but I'm not telling you. The news came. Got rather a shock to give you. All the Jones children are with us for the holiday. All of them? I do hope you won't mind too much. No, I don't mind at all. I like the Joneses, though. There is one that have gone upon. There are only the four. Jemima and Mariah and Susan and Peter. Yes, I'm putting Peter into your room. And I hope oh, wait a minute, Miss Caroline. Before you start, look, look, there he is, just coming out among the crowd. Who? An old man I met at Musgrum with the big box on his back and the little terrier dog. D' ye see? He looks like a Punch and Judy man. Perhaps he is. I say, may I offer him a lift? He's rather a poor old chap to be lugging those loads about. Yes, by all means. I won't be a minute. I say, I say there, sir.
Cole Haulings
Well, and good day again to you, young master.
Kay Harker
I say, sir, would you please tell me if you are a Punch and Judy man?
Cole Haulings
I am, so to speak, a showman. And my Barney dog, as it were, is my Toby dog. When chance has called, I was to.
Kay Harker
Ask you, would you like a lift down into the town, as it's rather a step and it's so cold.
Cole Haulings
No, I thank you, my young master. But there is something that no other soul can do for me but you alone, Master Harker. Oh, as you go down towards Seekings, if you would stop at the muffin shop now, and near the door you will see a lady wearing a ring of a very strange shape like this of mine. The longways cross of gold and garnets. And if you say to this lady, the wolves are running, then she will know and others will know and none will get bit.
Kay Harker
Yes, of course I'll do that. But how did you know my name?
Cole Haulings
When wolves run, it betides to know, Master Harker, and I do bless you. But we must be on our separate ways now, you and I. For time and tide and battered eggs wait for no man. Come.
Rat
But.
Kay Harker
I'm sorry, Miss Caroline, but he said he had to go on his own. Oh, pity. Yes. You know, Miss Caroline, there's something very queer about that old man. Do you happen to know if Ellen has got buttered eggs for lunch? Yes, she has, as a matter of fact. He knew it. He said time and tide and buttered eggs wait for no man. I expect a good many have said something of the sort. Oh, no, he meant me. And that I ought to hurry up. You know, there's something uncanny about him. With his bright, bright eyes he knew my name and where I came from. And come to that, so did those two Curate chaps in the train. They could have read that from your luggage labels on the rack. Yes, I suppose so. I say, are there any muffins for tea? No, I'm afraid not. Oh, well, would you mind frightfully if I got some from the muffin shop? I Do like muffins, especially at Christmas time. Well, yes, I suppose so. But do hurry, Kay. Yes, I will. I'll go on to the car. Right. I won't belong. Excuse me, ma'. Am. Are you the lady? Yes, I am the lady.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
Kay.
Kay Harker
Do you not see my ring? Yes. Yes, I do. And I was to tell you, ma'. Am, I was to say, from the Punch and Judy man. I was to say, the wolves are running.
Rat
Thank you, Kay.
Kay Harker
I was waiting to hear. Thank you very much. I say, I had a sudden idea. If you should happen to be seeing the Punch and Judy man, perhaps I shall. But there are always other ways, too, by which messages can be taken to Mr. Hawlings. Is that his name? Cole Hawlings? Among many others. What do you want him to know, Kay? I have some friends staying with me, it seems. Do you think he might come and give us a show perhaps tonight, say about half past five? I think it could be arranged, Kay. Indeed. I believe he might be calling on you at Sea King's house. In any case, tonight. Since the wolves are running, oh mighty. He has to find someone to take care of the box. The box. The box of delight. But no more now. Your good guardian is waiting for you. And thank you for the message. Yes, yes, of course. Goodbye. Goodbye, Kay, or au revoir. I say, Miss Caroline. Yes, Kate? I happen to run into a friend, a friend of that old Punch and Judy man. And I asked if he might come up to the house this evening and give a show to me and the Jones. Oh, I think it's a very good idea. Only, when he arrives, you must ask him what his charge is. Oh, yes, I'll do that. And I'll tell you another thing, Miss Caroline. What's that? When we were coming out of the station just now, I looked back and there seemed to be some big, shadowy dogs all weaving in and out of the crowd and snapping at the old man's heels. Huge, sharp teeth they had. Oh, I expect they were Alsatians. But I wonder who has Alsatians in these parts. Oh, a good many people, I suppose. In fact, I've even heard that those friends of yours from the missionary college keep a pack. Oh, do they? They might taste differ, of course, but I never did like such dogs myself. They're rather, well, two.
Rat
Like wolves.
Kay Harker
Wolves.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
And then it was Sea King's house in all its old spacious glory. The way I always remembered it from my previous adventures there. And as I remember it now, through this other strange adventure as well. And behold, the Joneses first Of all Jemima.
Kay Harker
Very smart, that's me. Pay no attention to this other scrubby lot. My sisters and brother.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
And then Mariah.
Kay Harker
Very untidy. But I'm absolutely crammed with pistols, Kay. I say, are you? I got them from some robbers I met. I simply couldn't live without pistols. Now she spends her time shooting old electric light bulbs. Kay dangling from a clothesline.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
And that was Susan, like a small, sweet fairy. And then there was Peter.
Kay Harker
I hear that you and I are sharing a bedroom, Kay. I hope you aren't one of those early getters uppers. I'll do my best not. And you know what I hope, Kay? What then, Mariah? It's all very well for Miss Caroline Louisa to ask us for Christmas and we appreciate it. But I only hope that something exciting and unusual happens. I wish that Christmas could be brought up to date with gangsters and airplanes and a lot of automatic pistols. Like this lot here. Shall I fire them off now? Better not quite yet. You just be careful, young Mariah. I've never been careful in my life. I. I don't propose to start now. Pity anybody that ever tries to scrubble me. Well, anyway, I might have something just a little bit unusual for you. All this time. Sudden idea I had. What's that, Kay? It'll have to be something good after those marvellous buttered eggs at lunch and the muffins at tea. It's a Punch and Judy show. Oh, no, no, no. I've a feeling this might be something. And there he is now. I believe I'll go and let him in. Well, and I wonder what he meant, you lot. Something rather special. I gave a message to the lady, sir, and it was she who took.
Cole Haulings
It serves, Master K. It serves as well as any.
Kay Harker
Can I steady you with your box again, Mr. Haulings?
Cole Haulings
Ah, now, I thank you. It nestles safely this time. Now that the wolves don't run. At least for a little space.
Kay Harker
Please. I was to ask you from my guardian how much we were to pay you for your performance.
Cole Haulings
As to that, Master K. Suppose you were to dig down here at Seeking's and found the way into what was. What would you pay for going in?
Kay Harker
I don't know.
Cole Haulings
And suppose you were to dig through at Seekings and found the way into what is. What would you pay for going in, Fred?
Kay Harker
I don't know. Again.
Cole Haulings
And I don't know that what you will give me for my show will be a fair pay for all the wonders seen for in my box. Here I have another and a smaller Box with other delights besides my show, as you shall see.
Kay Harker
Oh, thank you.
Cole Haulings
So, as to payment, shall we say a biscuit for my Barney Dog won't break you.
Kay Harker
And.
Cole Haulings
And a dish of eggs and bacon afterwards for me, if there should be time.
Kay Harker
But surely. And it's very good of you, Mr.
Cole Haulings
Holdings, because before all is done, young master, it is more like that I shall be beholden to you. Not you to me.
Kay Harker
I. I don't think I know what you mean. Again. But come in now and meet my friends, the Joneses.
Cole Haulings
Ah, yes, of course.
Kay Harker
Good evening.
Cole Haulings
Thank you. Thank you. Miss Jemima, sir. And Miss Maria, sir. Miss Susan.
Kay Harker
Yes.
Cole Haulings
And Master Peter.
Kay Harker
I say, do you know our names then?
Cole Haulings
But indeed, Mr. Mimer, for it behoves a travelling man to know many things.
Kay Harker
Unless Kaye told you as you came in from the door. I swear I didn't, Susan. And it was the same the first time you met me. And besides, he looked at us each in turn as he spoke. As if he knew which was which. Mr. Hawlings, are you a magician?
Cole Haulings
Perhaps. Perhaps I may be, Miss Maria, in a way.
Kay Harker
And you have suddenly known his name, Maria. And I didn't say a word about that. Why, so I did, somehow. And his little dog is called Barney, isn't he?
Cole Haulings
That is so.
Kay Harker
Maybe this is going to be a bit unusual after all. Do you know what baffles me? You coming through all that blizzard out there, Mr. Haulings, and not a mark of it on you.
Cole Haulings
The blizzard is now dying a little, Master Peter. Very soon it will have gone. And no more than a mantle of good snow around you for Christmas.
Kay Harker
Yes, but all the same, I have.
Cole Haulings
My secrets, Master Peter, for I've been a long time on the road. So I have. First and last.
Kay Harker
How long, sir?
Cole Haulings
I get a little out of my reckoning, Master K. But first the. There were pagan times. Then there were in between times. And then there were Christian times. Then there was another in between time. Then there was Oliver's time. And then there was pudding time. But there have been a lot since then and more coming. And the time I liked best was just before the in between time. What you might call Henry's time.
Kay Harker
You know, I like you very much indeed, Mr. Haulings. You make it all so simple somehow.
Cole Haulings
Thank you, Miss Susan. Ah, but now, Master Harker and friends, now that we are met, I think I should play more for you than just my Punch and Judy. For a traveling man collects as he goes. Or doesn't he?
Kay Harker
I reckon he does, myself.
Cole Haulings
Aha. So he does the bright Miss Maria says he collects. And what he collects, he shows. And so, look here within my box.
Kay Harker
It's a little box, and it's very strange somehow. All polished and shiny and covered with a kind of leather where it hasn't worn away to show the wood.
Cole Haulings
It's known as shagreen leather, Miss Susan. And that is the skin of sharks. And do you see the wood itself?
Kay Harker
All black and shiny too. And it looks so hard. Is it what they call Lignum Fighty Wood?
Cole Haulings
It's the wood the phoenix built in.
Kay Harker
Is it really? I've always wanted to see a phoenix.
Cole Haulings
And perhaps you shall someday, with the aid of the box.
Kay Harker
It looks so old. Centuries and centuries, I dare say.
Cole Haulings
Perhaps it may be, Master Peter. But now, lo, I open it and behold.
Kay Harker
Oh, it's like a little book instead. Pictures. Hosts and hosts of pictures. And all glowing so brightly.
Cole Haulings
So let us see if we can perhaps make one of these little pictures come to life. Shall we?
Kay Harker
Yes. Oh, yes.
Cole Haulings
I seem to remember that Miss Susan is fond of butterflies.
Kay Harker
Oh, I love them.
Cole Haulings
Then let us see if I can't call a few from the box. And in spite of the cold. Are you ready?
Kay Harker
Yes, I'm ready.
Cole Haulings
Then watch. Watch.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
It seemed in that old room that the ceiling above us suddenly opened into a forest on a tropical night. Even though there was the snow outside, all spreading crisp and. And even now that the blizzard itself had stopped, we could see giant trees with the stars in their boughs and fireflies gleaming out among the lower sprays. And then, lo, the sun was shining. And there were green and grey parrots and scarlet cardinal birds pecking down at the fruits. And out of the leaves there came butterfly after butterfly, bursting out of cocoons and crystalids into images of lively beauty. Bright as jewels, they came and settled on her hands, the golden creatures, and glistened and quivered There. Little Susan had as many as nine at once. And a big shining blue one that perched on her hair. And then at last, they all went spiring up into the bright tropic day again. And flickered away among the trees and out of sight, far up and the forest disappeared. And it was the seeking ceiling again.
Kay Harker
Oh, thank you. Thank you, Mr. Hawlings.
Cole Haulings
It was a fine pleasure, little mistress. And now I might show you another little play which many an ancient queen has watched in her palace by the bank of the Nile. Have you ever heard of Herne the hunter, Master Kane?
Kay Harker
Oh, yes, of course I have. I've always loved Herne.
Cole Haulings
Then we might go Hunting with him perhaps. And he is an old friend through the forest and he and his great antlers. Or on the other hand, you mentioned the phoenix just now and perhaps. But hark.
Kay Harker
The carol singers. Kay. Kay, my dear. Oh, it's the carol singers. They've just arrived this moment, Ms. Caroline. At the French windows. Shall we open to. Yes, certainly, Susan. All right, I'll go. Kay, I've got to tell you something. I'm afraid it's bad news. Oh dear. I'm afraid my brother's ill in London. I've just had a message. Oh, I am sorry. I'll have to go to him tonight, I'm afraid. Tonight? Will you be back for Christmas itself? I hope so. And Ellen and Jane will look after you all in the end interval. Let's go over to the singing, shall we? Surely. I say, those don't look like convicted singers, Miss Caroline. No, they aren't. There's some of the congregation from Tetchester Cathedral. And there's the bishop himself leading them. We must ask them in for cocoa when they finish. There's quite a crowd of them. And oh, there are two faces that I do recognize. Those two men at the back. They're the ones I met on the train, Miss Caroline. I dare say the missionary college are helping out at a time like this. The chief of it is a very worthy and Devout man. A Dr. Bottledale. I could swear there are some of those Alsatians prowling out behind the crowd. Really, Kay, you have Alsatians on the br. Good evening.
Abner Brown
Good evening one and all.
Kay Harker
Well, good evening, my lord Bishop. That was delightful.
Abner Brown
A small seasonal gesture from us Tatchester folk to all at Seeking's house.
Kay Harker
Thank you, Bishop. Won't you all come in and let me make you some cocoa against the cold?
Abner Brown
No, thank you. We must be on our way. We were held up earlier by the blizzard and we have much ground to cover.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
But I wanted to remind you all all too to come on Christmas Eve to the great cathedral celebration.
Abner Brown
Will you?
Kay Harker
Yes.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
There's been a midnight celebration every Christmas Eve since the foundation.
Abner Brown
And this will be the thousandth a remarkable occasion. And so we wish this festival to be especially memorable.
Kay Harker
I'm sure it will be. And I'll see to it that they're all there.
Abner Brown
Thank you. Thank you so. Come then, my friends. Let us push on our way.
Rat
Good night. Huh? What? Good night, Master K. And thank you for the offer of refreshment.
Kay Harker
I was right. That was the voice of the foxy faced man. Close the window, Peter, or You'll all catch your deaths. Now I really must rush and pack, Kay. I've not much time. Very well, Miss Caroline. All behave yourselves. Promise? Yes, of course we will.
Cole Haulings
Did you see, Master K?
Kay Harker
The wolves.
Cole Haulings
The wolves indeed. Four legged and two legged. And they are after me again, even here at Seeking.
Kay Harker
But why are they after you? Mr. Hollings?
Cole Haulings
This is between you and me. But do you know the spot known as Arthur's Camp on the high hill behind us?
Kay Harker
Of course.
Cole Haulings
Could you meet me there at midnight when I can tell you more and beg your help?
Kay Harker
Yes, certainly. I think I can manage to sneak out when Peter sleeps.
Cole Haulings
But no more now, Master. I must go with my Barney dog and go secretly. Don't forget Master K. I won't.
Kay Harker
I'll be there.
Cole Haulings
And a Happy Christmas to you.
Kay Harker
And to you.
Abner Brown
Goodbye.
Kay Harker
Goodbye.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
Once before, some of you may remember, I told another story about Seeking's house called the Midnight Folk. It was about a famous treasure that was. It was almost stolen by a great wizard named Abner Brown and a governess of mine before I went to school who turned out to be a witch, Miss Sylvia Daisy Pine sight now Mrs. Abner Brown. And this night of 30 years ago, as I stole away from sleeping Peter, my way led me through a shortcut to Arthur's camp called Haunted Lane, past an old ruined monastery known as Monk's Peace. As I went very stealthily, I heard voices coming from it and I cowered down behind a fragment of old wall.
Abner Brown
And so. And so then all my efforts gone for nothing. Those fools let him trick them at Muspera Junction. And again this evening at Seeking's, where dwells my ancient foe, the boy K. Harker.
Rat
Ah, that's what Abner, that's what.
Abner Brown
Savitis, my thundering skies. Coal haulings, the great coal haulings slip beyond my grasp again. Ah, my thundering sky.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
Yes, Abner Brown himself again. I recognized him at once, even if he was dressed up and disguised as none other than the Reverend Boddledale of the missionary college. So I was up against magic as well as crime. And it was confirmed when I saw who his companion was. In the guttering light of a candle end they'd lit among the ruins another old enemy of mine from the cellars of Seekings, a large and disreputable rat.
Rat
There has to be dark doings, Abner, that's what. And I don't like them, so I don't.
Abner Brown
And is this my old friend Rat speaking? My trusted spy along the secret ways?
Rat
Maybe I was. And maybe I weren't. Maybe so it is me, but what's the good of being me? Up in the attic and down in the cellar. All I asked for one who'd sell his mother if he had one, for what she'd fetch his old Fashioned.
Abner Brown
Oh, talk, talk, it's all you ever do.
Rat
What do I get by it, hey? Bacon fat, you might say. Or the green of that cheese the dog won't eat. Or the haggie of it made the hen swoon. But I don't, my Christian friend. I get rheumatic and the dog sick and that's what.
Abner Brown
As a matter of fact, I've got some green looking cheese for you now.
Rat
Gimme a gimme here. Though you wouldn't if you could sell it to a tourist's rest.
Abner Brown
You're right, they wouldn't. But come waste no more time. Give me your report him.
Rat
What you want of you is a getting rid of his dog.
Abner Brown
That's nothing.
Rat
A lady friend will take the dog. And there's many a dog as I've loved more than that, Barney. One now lies in a watery tomb with a stone round his neck. But some who claim to be free never take a nint. That's what.
Abner Brown
To the point. To the point. Wretched rat that you are.
Rat
Ah, dark doings, that's what.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
Of course.
Rat
You scared em haven? I be over scared.
Abner Brown
Good, good. Now where have you been and what have you heard?
Rat
I've gone many a dark stravage, first and last. I followed them that you wot of through passages near all under and round this town and peered and spied on him. Well, you haven't a morsel of bacon rind on, you haven't. And I'll finish my cheese.
Abner Brown
You shall have bacon rind tomorrow, if your news be worthy of it.
Rat
Ah, that's a bacon rind to bring the plump on a man. Bacon rind tomorrow. That and marrow bone the day after. Proper makeshift silence.
Abner Brown
Tell me what you heard or I shall box your miserable ears.
Rat
And you'd be proper lost without these same miserable ears, that's what.
Abner Brown
Then tell me what they did here.
Rat
And where they'd a meeting at an inn called the Drops of do Upper Room. That there lady with the ring and such and one that you wot of is a trying to get out of your trap at dawn this very morning at a place I wot of.
Abner Brown
Ah, and will he have the goods on him?
Rat
I heard what I heard, that's what.
Abner Brown
Oh, come on.
Rat
I've been a cellar man. I haven't I've been a poor man living in the dark. Though others live in the light and grudge a poor man so much as they hold fishbone.
Cole Haulings
Yes, they do.
Rat
You says to me, find out what they decide them was your words. Me find out, you says what they.
Abner Brown
Decide through the pain.
Rat
What your words was to me that I done. Although endangered dog in the them dark dwelling.
Abner Brown
Yes, yes.
Rat
Now you says Willie and the goods on him. You didn't tell me about that. No, you didn't, Rat.
Abner Brown
If you do not speak to the point, you will be pegged beneath the waterfall like myself the boy. You will be turned upside down like my servant, the bodiless head. Speak. Where will Cole Haulings try to escape my ring?
Rat
And will I have my bacon rind?
Abner Brown
Tomorrow you shall have three whole rancid kippers and a haggis. Come now, whisper it. For even ruined walls like these can have ears.
Rat
And so what they decided was this. That's what so it is. That's what. That's what.
Kay Harker
Aha.
Abner Brown
And so I have him at last. At last you shall have your kippers, Rat. For you have done well after all. You have done superbly, my brave rat.
Rat
Ah, that's what. So, is there any other little dark job you want done then, Martin Abner? Or shall I go now?
Abner Brown
You may go.
Rat
Right then. Now. Bury's red hang over it and pale berries of mistol. It's my delight to go by night.
Abner Brown
To shoot them with my pistol.
Kay Harker
Mr. Mr. Hollings, please. Where are you? Mr. Holling, sir.
Cole Haulings
Here I am, Kay. You are a little late, young master.
Kay Harker
I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. I happened to be overhearing something and it seemed important to us.
Cole Haulings
All things are important when the wolves are running.
Kay Harker
I thought I saw some of them as I came up to the camp here. Red eyes in the the darkness.
Cole Haulings
They cannot harm you. Not when you have the box.
Kay Harker
The box?
Cole Haulings
My box of delights and a great treasure, Kay. That is why I wanted you to meet me here. So that I could give it to you for safekeeping. To me, Master K. Once before, you defeated the great wizard Abner Brown. And I feel you can do so again.
Kay Harker
You know that it's Abner against us, then?
Cole Haulings
Oh, yes.
Kay Harker
It's just what I've overheard myself. And I also heard that he was going to try and stop. Stop you escaping from his ring. That gang of his dressed up as curates. Only I didn't hear where he will.
Cole Haulings
Be hard put to it. But just for safety, I Want you to take the box and guard it well, or won't you?
Kay Harker
Yes, of course I will.
Cole Haulings
It is a great mystery, my box of delights, Master K. It was invented long ago by a great magician named Arnold of Toady. With its aid, it is possible to go into the as Arnold himself did. It came into my possession in an honorable exchange for a secret of my own. So there are many reasons why it must be kept from coming to Abner. Do you understand?
Kay Harker
I think so, sir.
Cole Haulings
And so take it. And there are two other things I must tell you about it besides going into the past and the treasures there and all the living pictures from it that I showed you and many more.
Kay Harker
Yes, sir.
Cole Haulings
When you open it. So there is that little lever there. And if you press it to the right, you can go small, K. And if you press it to the left, you can go swift.
Kay Harker
I see.
Cole Haulings
That is how you will protect yourself from the wolves. Two or four. And so let us hurry.
Kay Harker
But there's so much to tell you, Mr. Hawlings, about Abner and Rat.
Cole Haulings
There is no time, young master. I must go to prepare my escape from the ring. And if you want to see how I do escape from it, would you be at Butler's down at dawn, just over the hill there, or wouldn't you?
Kay Harker
Oh, yes, I would.
Rat
Good.
Cole Haulings
And bring your friend Peter with you this time as another witness if the need should arise. So now press to the left and go swift, gay.
Kay Harker
But, Mr. Hollings, press quickly.
Cole Haulings
And guard it well, Kay, for time is very short and I must go to my destiny.
Kay Harker
Yes, sir.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
I pressed, and in an instant I was back at Seeking's. I really understood nothing apart from the fact that I had the box of delights clutched closely to my breast and that I was determined to keep it safe. And then it was dawn, and I woke Grumbling Peter and forced him to go with me to Butler's down to see Cole's escape. But alas, there was no escape for him after all, as you shall hear. And so later in the morning, Peter and I hurried to see my old friend, the Condicut police inspector.
Police Inspector
Well, well, then, Master K. Master Peter. So what's all this, hey?
Kay Harker
Please, you must help us, Mr. Inspector. He's been scrubbled.
Police Inspector
Now, calm yourself.
Kay Harker
Calm.
Police Inspector
Calm yourself, my boy. Who's been scrubbled?
Kay Harker
The old punch on Judy, man. Up at the spinney at the top of Botler's Down. We saw it with our own eyes early this morning. He was walking along beside the spinney, and suddenly four men Ran out and one of them threw a sack over his head and they bundled him away and into an aeroplane.
Police Inspector
An aeroplane, eh?
Kay Harker
It looked like a kind of cross between an aeroplane and a motor car. As if it could serve as both. Only this time it was in its flying mood and it soared away with him and was lost to you.
Police Inspector
And did you shout and raise an alarm when you saw this?
Kay Harker
I'm afraid we didn't. We were just spellbound. And it all happened in an instant.
Police Inspector
Well, now, if it happened at all. It sounds like the aerodrome to me. Over yachting way. Those young fellows, Master K, serving their country and away from the civilizing influence of their mothers. Just full of high spirits and the spit of what I was myself when young. It was a Christmas gamble and a bit of what you call all ragging.
Kay Harker
But it didn't seem like a rag at all. We're positive it wasn't. And what's more, we're positive that it was Dr. Bottledale of the missionary college.
Police Inspector
That's behind us now. Master K. There you do go too far. The Reverend Dr. Bottledale is a pillar of the church and respectability. I have sung in the glee club with him time and time again. A very sweet tenor.
Kay Harker
We'd show you the tracks where the old man was scrabbled. Only there's been more snow since and they're all covered. And I'll tell you another thing. My guardian, Miss Caroline, she went to her brother in London last night. But when we telephoned this morning, she'd left there. But she'd never arrived here. So she's another one who's disappeared. And my sister Mariah. What I meant to tell you, Caven. We were at the house just now before we hurried here. Jemima and Susan both say she just vanished into air. There's not a sign of her anywhere.
Police Inspector
Come now, gentlemen. It strikes me that you're only worn out with learning. Just back from school. And what you fancy all these scrubblings turn out to be no more than frolic.
Kay Harker
Frolic? They certainly don't seem like frolic to us.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
And that was that, whether we liked it or not. Nor were those three the only disappearances in the Tale of the Box of Delights before all was done, but now there was Abner. There was always the terrible Abner Brown on my mind. And I determined to try to find out his plans. If I could only discover where his hiding place was. Now I had a little secret hiding place of my own. In those days when I didn't want Ellen the housekeeper or anyone to see me. And that was under the balance of my dressing table. So I crept there now and took out the box itself. It seemed very strange in its shiny, nearly black colouring. In that little familiar place with the mouse hole between two of the floorboards where I'd once dropped a sixpence. I knew what it was like to go swift with the box's help. Now I wanted to go small, so I pushed the little lever to the right. Instantly I was small and I'd slipped down into the mouse hole itself. I was so tiny. And there was my sixpence beside me, as huge as a millstone. And there was the little mouse himself, no bigger than I was.
Rat
Well, hello then, Clay.
Kay Harker
Hello. How are you, Mouse? I'm very well, thank you. How are you? Oh, very well, thanks. Except I'm a bit puzzled and I wonder if you could help me perhaps. I'd like to very much. If it's something good. I think it is. It's against Abner Brown. At least then it is good. Although I'm frightened the death of him. Do you know where he hides? An old inn in the town called the Prince Rupert's Arms. Down in a big underground place. And can we get there by underground ways ourselves? Yes, we can, but it's a long way. I think we can solve that if you hold my hand. While we're about it, we better take swords. I've got some huge ones here that I made out of darning needles that have fallen down from ta time to time. We've got to pass the walls of the gulf in their headquarters along this way. Come along. Right. And here we are, Rupert's Arms. And there's Abner. Abner himself, see him through the other little mouse hole there. And Sylvia, Pouncer and Rat too. And another little errat with him. Listen, Listen, Mouse.
Abner Brown
And so then, Rat, what have you to report now after your blunder? And whom have you got there? That idiot looking looking fellow.
Rat
I make so bold as to present my nephew, Master Abner. Make a reverence to the gentleman and lady. You.
Kay Harker
What is your nephew's name?
Narrator (Kay Harker)
Rat.
Rat
How? He answers to any name. So you do, madam. Sylvia Half, or Bert, or any name. He ain't earned a name better than one of them, that's what.
Abner Brown
And what has he to tell us? Why did you bring him?
Rat
Because he took over a spine in the dark ways after I left off last night. And he in danger of dogs, shall we wear?
Abner Brown
And what did he find out? Since your report was negative and the box wasn't on coal after all when we scrubbled him.
Kay Harker
He has plainly hidden it somewhere. My Abbey.
Abner Brown
I know that. My Sylvia, My Brightness. But he won't talk even if we do have him prisoner in the terrible deeps by the sluice. He could be made to talk, not coal. I will say that for him after all his wandering centuries. But come, what has this nephew of yours to say to me?
Rat
Rhett so right then, Alf. Pipe up little mate, and tell the gentleman. Ah, wedny Hortney sitting there watchney doob.
Kay Harker
Now what does it say?
Rat
Honoured company. My nephew elf foot is here and don't often stand in such places.
Abner Brown
Presence, he says.
Rat
He went a faithful to order the drop of do after I left. Do we what was what from them? What you w of?
Abner Brown
Oh, fool. Do you want to be pegged beneath the waterfall like my seventh boy? Do you want me to strike you on the head with a timetable like the boy, so that your legs telescope into your body and through your shoulders? What was what?
Police Inspector
What?
Abner Brown
Where did Cole Haulings put the box?
Rat
Oh, he called his Hickney Putney. Hiding height. And he was having something, he says. Someone in Sea King's house, that's what.
Abner Brown
I knew that I suspected that he had little time for anything else, but were.
Cole Haulings
Oh, it's according to pair of secret toys, Ms. Rowell.
Rat
Holy care. There's no horror. He says he don't know.
Cole Haulings
Get out.
Abner Brown
Get out, you idiot. Pair, my thundering skies. Am I always to be surrounded by fools?
Narrator (Kay Harker)
Aye, aye.
Rat
Come on, Al.
Abner Brown
Oh, snobby.
Rat
Come on, he says. There ain't no Bacon after all, or any Aggie nor Auntie Givers, even though it is some of it. Give me your little poor.
Abner Brown
Ah, my thundering skies indeed. I am surrounded by fools and blunderers.
Kay Harker
Except for me, my Topaz and Diamond.
Abner Brown
Yes, yes, except for you, my inspiration and my ideal.
Kay Harker
And yet what my Peridot?
Abner Brown
I sometimes think that you and some of the others like that fool Chubby Charles. I sometimes think you feel the old man may be slipping and be setting up as leaders yourselves.
Cole Haulings
Ah, no.
Kay Harker
Never my astuteness.
Abner Brown
I hope not, my empress, for there is a deal of life in the old dog yet. Now to work. Of course I guessed that the box was at Seekings. That is why we scrabbled with Caroline.
Kay Harker
In London, my hated successor over that little mildew of a boy Harker.
Abner Brown
But she knows nothing. Lying now in the dungeons of the Deep Sluice by Condecate Weir herself.
Kay Harker
Perhaps the Bishop my emerald could cold have slipped into him at Seekings when he called. They're after all, old allies, one way or another.
Abner Brown
Perhaps. Perhaps indeed, my ruby. And I shall act upon it. And there is the other avenue to be pried into, too.
Kay Harker
Promising child, Maria.
Abner Brown
She might well be a worthy ally. I almost like her in her passion for guns and gangsters. She may know or find out for us. Do you have her safe?
Kay Harker
Foxy Joe called on her first thing with the motor plane and got her out of the house on a pretext. She is ready and waiting for us at you know where.
Abner Brown
Good, good. And in due course, we shall milk her of her secret knowledge. But first there is much else to do to rectify these eternal blunderings from such as rat.
Kay Harker
I am yours to command, my priceless pearl.
Abner Brown
I tell you this, my blue and yellow sapphire. I will have that box before all's done, with its pleasant toys and of living pictures, with its gifts of going swift and going small. But above all, with its elixir of eternal life and its gift of travel to the past. And all the mighty treasure to be found there to be filched by Abner and brought under his eternal downy wing. The gold of Alexander, the trophies of the Trojan wars, the wealth of conquering Caesar. The jewels of the armada, such as coal, would use the box only for good purposes. Ay, for mine own my towers at last, as the poet says. So come my Sycorax.
Kay Harker
Ay, come, my idol, my Roland, sweetest child, to the darkest tower of all.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
And now where? I wish I could tell you of all the marvels I encountered through the box before those final events of all. It seems the box of delights was invented long ago by an old medieval wizard named Arnold of Todi, who wanted to travel in the past. Another famous magician called Raymond Lully had invented an elixir of life, and he wanted to exchange it for Arnold's box. But Arnold wanted only the past and not the future. And so he gave the box to Raymond. But before Arnold finally parted with it, he took one last great leap backwards through the centuries and got lost there, stranded in time somewhere about the period of the Trojan wars, the lady said. And as far as I know, he is there to this day. But my own real concern now was the present and the piling events there. And indeed they were piling. For suddenly, just as I was emerging from my secret hiding place under the valance of my dressing table, suddenly the remaining Joneses rushed into my room.
Kay Harker
What about them? Look there, Kay. The great big headlines. Dreadful, Kay. Look Just there, let me see. Startling disappearance of the Bishop of Tatchester and then it goes on. That special pompous way they seem to write. It goes on. Considerable alarm was caused in ecclesiastical circles last night when it was known that his Grace the Bishop of Tatchester had failed to return to the palace and.
Police Inspector
Was not heard of at the time of our going to press. The very reverend gentleman had signified to his sister Dame Eleanor Chasuble that he would go for a walk through the precincts before retiring to rest. When he failed to reappear at his accustomed time, Dame Eleanor proceeded to the precincts herself but could not see him. At first she thought it likely and.
Kay Harker
Then it finishes up.
Police Inspector
Naturally, His Grace's disappearance has cast a gloom upon what would otherwise be a festal city. We would remind our readers that on Christmas Eve at midnight His Grace hoped to celebrate the great occasion of the thousand other anniversary of the dedication of the cathedral. And we need our near. And then in the next edition, another mysterious cathedral disappearance. Dean of Tatchester missing since tea time Ecclesiastical and other circles have been convulsed by the strange disappearance of the well known dean from the precincts. It appears that the dean went out shortly after dark last night.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
And in the very next again echol.
Police Inspector
Special canons of torchester vanish. Another dreadful religious mystery. Murderous gang at work. Well known local police inspector states that bloodhounds at law on trail. But if state of affairs continues. Small hopes of special cathedral thousand celebrations. Special, special.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
And then to depress us for nothing. Something else happened, but at the same time something to cheer us up as well. We were sitting disconsolately at tea for we still had to eat, when suddenly the door opened. I thought for a moment it was Ellen the housekeeper bringing more muffins. But when I looked up.
Rat
Maria.
Kay Harker
Hello, you lot. Any muffins to spare? I'm famished. Well, what on earth's happened to you? Oh, this and that, you know.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
Mm.
Kay Harker
I say, these are jolly good, aren't they? Oh, Mariah, don't, please. She always does like to keep people in suspense. Come along. What has happened? Mariah? You've no idea how important it is. All right then, I'll come clean. The truth is that I was scrubbled me Maria Jones, just like a greenhorn. But how, Maria? There was a car came for me before you lot were up. A great big car driven by a man who kept on saying haha. What? I know him all right. Anyway, here's some tale of an invitation to go with a party of clergymen to see some rare stained glass at the church at St. Griswold's over near Hope under Chester's. I thought it might be fun. I always did like stained glass. The missionary college again. Hope under Chesters. But I was hardly inside the car than some big iron shutter slammed shut all round. It all went dark. And then the car gave a lurch and swore upwards. It changed into an aeroplane. Well, I never. The same car they got Cole Haulings in, I bet. I say, have they scrubbled Mr. Haulings too? They've scrambled practically everybody. Oh dear, it gives me the fantod. So it does. Go on, Maria. Well, next thing I knew I was in a big dampish room with sound of running water somewhere and there was a man and woman there waiting for me. Dr. And Mrs. Bottledale, they said. Sylvia Pouncer and Abner Brown. I heard they were going to question you. What did they want? Said they were looking for a promising young associate who could shoot to join a gang of theirs. And they thought I was the one. And then they asked me if I knew the whereabouts of that little box Mr. Hauling showed us that time. And what did you say? I said I hadn't the faintest idea where the box was. And although I. I was all for joining a gang, I wasn't going to join theirs. Didn't like the look of them one bit. I should hope not. And what did they do? Maria? Suddenly stopped their silky ways and went all snarly and stumped off. And then they left me alone for hours and hours. And then the foxy man and a chubby sort of man came in and they questioned me about the box too. But I stuck to my guns. And in the end they must have believed me because I was in the airplane again and it changed back to a car and I was bundled out and there I was just beside Condicot Churchyard while the car drove off. Well, here I am. Well, I say, where's Peter, by the way? Why isn't he having tea with us? Because it looks as if he's been scrambled. I say, has he? Well, silly ass had some nice notion to go exploring on his own over at Hope under Chesters. It all does seem to center there. And he hasn't come back, so they've probably got him now. Oh, well, this is our holiday and a half. Those muffins were all very well but what I need is to ask Ellen for some underdone chops. And plenty of them. Build up my nervous system. Oh, here she is now. Well, hello there, Ms. Maria. Welcome back. My, this is quite a household. People appearing and disappearing every second minute. And just look at this now, Master K that I came in to show you. What is it, Ellen? The latest edition of the paper. Just look.
Police Inspector
Unparalleled atrocity. More horrors at Torchester. Reign of terror in Cathedral City we regret to say that tonight, in addition to the disappearance of the bishop, the dean and the canons, we have to report the complete removal of the precentor, the vesture, the bursa, the Canons minor, the archdeacon, the vergers, the organist. And it is fear. The entire choir, including the choir boys, torn sobbing from the arms of the sorrowing mothers. Grave fears for midnight service. Intolerable outrage to law, says well known police inspect.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
And so. So it built towards the final climax, whatever it might be. Victory for Abner and the powers of darkness. Or victory for coal and the powers of light. For there was something I'd suspected since ever I'd known of old Arnold of Toady, lost in the past. And later I overheard Abner himself confirming it when he was talking. Talking to the chubby man.
Abner Brown
But of course, of course. Cole Hauling's ears. Raymond Lully, my chubby. Charles the magician.
Police Inspector
Go on, chief.
Abner Brown
You mean the chap who did the box trick at the Coliseum? No, I do not. I mean the so called good philosopher of the Middle Ages, the discoverer of the elixir of life and the owner of the box of delights. I tell you, it was a box trick. He has literally lived through the centuries in disguises innumerable. And here he is now as cold haulings and in my power. Ah, that's all very well, chief, but never mind all this talk about magicians and such like old cough drops. What about the boodle in hand? The boodle in hand. Now would be the time to make.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
Our own little pile.
Abner Brown
Now that me and the rest of the gang are back on our own two legs and not on four. The Archbishop's offering a reward of a thousand pounds for the return of the Bishop or the Dean before this special service of theirs. And reduced sums accordingly. 25 quid even for a choir boy. O fool, fool and dolt. Charles. 25 for a choir boy. A paltry thousand for deans and bishops. I may have my own personal treasure tucked away in my room, gathered through worldwide years of villainy. I know you have, you do. That good lady of yours told me. And enough to last any man a lifetime be all accounts, but not for all eternity. I shall have more. I must have more. Infinite riches in a little room. As the poet says, and I shall have them, or under condicate wear goes that shining brood of Merry Christmas shepherds. I shall flood them to eternity, where Alph, the sacred river, swishes with organists and boys and bishes down to a sunless sea. Enough. Enough to work.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
It was all clear, all devilishly clear. The return of the entire cathedral staff or their death by drowning under the mighty sluices. And all in exchange for Cole's elixir and the box, wherever it might be. And that was, of course, with me.
Kay Harker
It's only with me.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
And I remember to this day the small lost sense of an immense responsibility that was suddenly in me. There was only one call. To go myself to that great underground network of caverns under the missionary college by the weir itself. To go swift and to go, small child Roland, to the dark tower. And as I did, I remember praying.
Kay Harker
O greatness, here. O brightness. Hark. Leavest not little, nor yet dark.
Abner Brown
To work, to work indeed, my shining Sylvia. Thus to the final act of all, and Abner's shining curtain to it I.
Kay Harker
Await your merest word, my amethyst. Will you consult the boy?
Abner Brown
I will consult the boy. And I will consult the great bronze head. Do you hear, Rat?
Rat
Ay, that's what. Maybe they'll have a mouthful of mildewed Haggy Fritz yet.
Abner Brown
Be silent, Rat. I shall consult all my terrible familiars and then we shall see what really is what.
Kay Harker
Even the Crone?
Abner Brown
Yes, even the crone herself. For I am told that the Archbishop is talking of trying to hold the thousands of service after all with a skeleton staff of volunteers from other dases. And that must be prevented at all costs. Let us go, my friends. Let us go for mighty Abner's triumph.
Rat
All right, all right then. Anything for a morsel of green bacon rind someday. Come on, elf la, and give us some word to choose.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
And if you want to know where I was at this building moment, I was in the turn up of Abner's own trousers. The way it fell out was this. I did go small and I did go swift. And I found myself in Abner's own room at the college in it was strangely sparsely furnished for a man of such tastes. But in one corner there was a massive oaken chest, which I guessed contained that terrible wizard's personal treasure, amassed through heaven knew what years of villainy. And then Abner himself and Sylvia Daisy Pouncer and the rats came in. As you just heard, I hid in a corner by the fireplace. And when they went, I knew that at my size I'd no hope to follow them. And so I did slip into the turn up of his trousers. And overheard everything as they went up and down in lifts. And through endless deep corridors towards a vast metal door.
Abner Brown
And so behold it, my friends. Behold the very dungeons themselves.
Kay Harker
So, do you think it really wise, my evvy, to summon your familiar?
Rat
Ay, that's what.
Abner Brown
Silence. Silence, all. I will summon them. The boy himself. And eke the head.
Rat
Come.
Abner Brown
Come, my monsters.
Rat
Come on me, master.
Abner Brown
Well, boy, all you want me now? And me and my rest. No pertness. Tell me what Cole Haulings did with his box.
Rat
He gave it to somebody to keep for him.
Abner Brown
I've told you that before. Learn civility. To. To whom did he give it?
Rat
I don't know. He put spells round it. I couldn't see the person.
Kay Harker
Let me go.
Abner Brown
Ah, if you're not careful and civil, I'll peg you into the waterfall, boy.
Rat
No, no, no, please, no, Great Martin.
Abner Brown
Then tell me this at least. Am I nearer to getting the box than I was?
Rat
Yea, you're very near to it now.
Abner Brown
Shall I get it?
Rat
You will have it under your hand today. Now I want to go. I told you everything.
Abner Brown
Don't try to dictate to me. Is there anything that you want to ask this hideous thing?
Rat
Rat? Aye, there is. That what'll win the national next year? Dah, by heaven. Oh, goody coconut.
Abner Brown
Enough of this intolerable folly. Go, boy, into the waterfall.
Rat
Oh, no, no, Master. No.
Kay Harker
So.
Abner Brown
And now you, my great bronze head, command me. Master, Tell me of our plans.
Police Inspector
Your agents have now captured every clergyman.
Kay Harker
Attached to the cathedral.
Abner Brown
I know that, fool. Do you want to be turned upside down on your pedestal there? No, no, master, not that. Then tell me, what is the world outside trying to do against me? This snowy Christmastide with its cursed carols and its cursed ancient superstition?
Police Inspector
All sorts of things. Mainly telephoning and telegraphing. Trying to get substitutes for the great service. They'll rake up clergy from all sorts of places for it.
Abner Brown
We'll see about that. I raise my left hand. So. Come, my crone.
Kay Harker
No, no, no.
Abner Brown
Be silent, woman. Come, crone. I say.
Rat
Master.
Kay Harker
What do you want with me?
Abner Brown
Master, I want a storm out of the north and the east with snow.
Kay Harker
I can't give it you.
Rat
You ask too much.
Kay Harker
I can only sell a storm for a great sum.
Rat
The bag of Amethyst.
Abner Brown
Give me a storm from the north and east, or I will torment you in a way that you'll remember.
Kay Harker
Give Me at least. Ha.
Rat
A bag of amethysts.
Kay Harker
I need them for a cordial I make.
Abner Brown
I will give you a quarter bag.
Police Inspector
There.
Abner Brown
Now let me have the storm in.
Rat
This little leather bag. Great. Open two strings from the mouth of.
Kay Harker
It and you will fill the roads and air with snow so that neither.
Abner Brown
Cars nor airplanes can get past. And let any clergyman who tries to get there be buried in a six foot drift and not be found until the spring.
Police Inspector
He cannot do that.
Rat
He cannot take life.
Abner Brown
Do not interrupt me. You go, crone.
Rat
I go, my.
Abner Brown
As for you, Ed, you have interrupted me and you have criticized me. All this establishment seems given over to mutiny. I can trust no one. You shall be upside down for a while.
Cole Haulings
No, master, I implore you not.
Kay Harker
No, no.
Abner Brown
There.
Kay Harker
There.
Rat
Oh, master, Master.
Abner Brown
Let that teach you to mend your manners. And now I go to see Cole Hawling. And so, Cole Haulings or Raymond Lully. The time has come, great master, for us to talk together.
Cole Haulings
I have nothing to say to you, Abner Brown.
Abner Brown
You are so beset by my power that you can never escape from here without my leave. I have it on good authority that the box will be under my hand this very night. It will be mine for a plaything.
Cole Haulings
Your evil plaything.
Abner Brown
Once, long ago, you walked from Spain to Italy to buy the box with your elixir of life. When I have used it for a space, I shall sell the box back to you for that same elixir. Will you deal?
Cole Haulings
No, I will not. Because you are a greedy scoundrel, unfit to have a long life.
Abner Brown
Ah, very well then. Stay there in a chains. I will repeat my offer once more tonight when I have made certain preparations. After that, you will see, great Raymond. You will see.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
And now he moved at speed, as if he determined on a course of swift action. And I moved with him. I was desperate. At that diminutive size, there seemed nothing I could do. To have disclosed myself to Cole in front of Abner would have been fatal. I could only hope that in some way I might be able to return and set him and all the others free. But how? How? And now we were in Abner's room again with his great personal treasure chest. And it was here that there befell the most terrible moment of all for me. It happened like this. He stooped to throw the chest open, and I seized the chance to slip out from his turn up, lest it should see me as he bent down. I hid in a corner by the fireplace, and I saw him start to transfer the bags of treasure To a smaller and more portable deed box. And all the time gloating evilly to himself.
Kay Harker
So.
Abner Brown
So my life work. Or the work of my first great life of villainy with more more yet to come. Ah, my diamonds here. And my host of pearls in with them. Fashionable things, pearls. Liver disease in the oyster, I understand, but ladies don't know that. Ah, and the countess's sapphires here that there was such a fuss about. Blue and yellow, my favorite stone. When the box comes, I can sail with these in my submarine to my quiet island. Raymond Lully will see wisdom. He will grant me the elixir too, before I go forsaking all others. This day next week, instead of a foot of snow from my blizzard outside, there will be the tropical island. Instead of my hated Sylvia punter and those dotes Joan Charles, there will be peace and the past to enter and plunder at will. O happy Abner. And this romantic pile of my so called missionary college will. With what splendor shall I pass from here? No more than a gurgling flood. For I have packed you my mighty treasure and will return for you in a moment.
Police Inspector
So.
Abner Brown
And now I go to open the sluices.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
And this was when disaster loomed. For in his final hurry, Abner picked up me, my tiny size, with the last of the jewel packages and slammed down the lid. And I made a terrible discovery As I groped and struggled among those millions to go swift and escape the box.
Kay Harker
The box that delights I've lost must have slipped from my pocket. I shall never, never, never be myself again.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
Oh, greatness. Here. Oh, brightness. Hark how long I lay there, smothered and horrified, I know not. I couldn't think, I couldn't hope. But then I heard stealthy footsteps. And there came the first hint of a flaw in Abner's plans. For the lid of the deed box was thrown open and I found myself staring up into the faces of the chubby man and the foxy man and Sylvia Daisy. Pouncer.
Kay Harker
Whoa.
Rat
You see my Panzer? What? I told you he's been ailing to put a double cross on us.
Abner Brown
So you did, Joe. And I felt so too, for some time. And here's the boodle, all packed up and ready for a private getaway.
Kay Harker
False, haunted, treacherous. Abernard.
Rat
Quick, into our suitcase with it all, package after package.
Abner Brown
And it's we'll make the private get away with it all and desert him. All his mad magic schemes.
Kay Harker
Always knew we'd go too far one day. Hurry, hurry. Joe and Charles.
Rat
My amethyst and my ever almost finished sweet Sylvia. And then out to the motor plane.
Abner Brown
But not before we foiled him in other ways too.
Rat
Come.
Kay Harker
Wait. Wait a moment. We've left something.
Abner Brown
It's nothing at all, my dear Silda. Only a little bit of rag. A scrap of jeweller's chamois. I'll throw it in the fire.
Police Inspector
Come, hurry now, before Abner comes back for his loo.
Kay Harker
Quickly, Charles, fill the deep box up with coal so that the monster will never suspect.
Rat
My Sylvia. What an inspiration. Never was your equal born.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
And that little fragment of rag, that jeweler's chamois was none other than 2 inch high. Kay Harker. As Charles threw me into the grate as they rushed off, I luckily fell into the ashes and not into the fire itself. And then, moment later, Abner did come back himself. And I scrambled blindly into his turn up again as he snatched up the deed box and hurried back to his last scene of all with Cole Hawlings.
Abner Brown
Now, Raymond or Cole, my merry old soul, I have only one thing to say to you. The last chance of all, as I promised. I want your elixir. How about it?
Cole Haulings
No. I have told you.
Abner Brown
Do you see this great iron wheel in the rock face? It works the sluices by which I can flood these cellars of will. And another sluice by the lake above completes the process. I think that even the elixir would hardly preserve you from 20ft of water, chained as you are.
Cole Haulings
Whether it will preserve me or not will be known later. But my secret shall not preserve you from anything. Through any weakness of mine. You have nothing with which to bargain.
Abner Brown
I have the box or I shall have the box. You are not ignorant of magic. Regularly as I raise my left hand so you shall see my helper, my familiar, and you will hear from his own lips that the box of delights will be mine before this Christmas Eve midnight. That may convince you. Come, boy.
Rat
What now? What now, master? Ha.
Abner Brown
I see you are all dripping wet. The waterfall has taken some of the insolence from you, it would seem.
Kay Harker
No, no, not again, Magda. Please, not again.
Abner Brown
We shall see. I may have even worse in store for you. Come, tell this gentleman. This box that I search for, shall I not have it by midnight? No, what you told me, I didn't. I said you'd have it under your hand.
Kay Harker
And you have had it under your hand.
Abner Brown
It has been on your very person through the agency of K. Harker, Kay Harker, that little mildew of a boy who cheated me Once before of a great treasure. Where is he? Tell me instantly.
Kay Harker
I won't tell you another thing more.
Abner Brown
You can paint me under the waterfall or melt me in the fire, or.
Kay Harker
Blow me through the wind. Yet I'll never tell you another thing. So that's what I call squid. Do you wear the brown?
Abner Brown
I shall strike you on the head and it will telescope into your chest. And your legs will spindle up through your shoulders.
Kay Harker
So.
Abner Brown
So there, boy. Oh, I don't care.
Kay Harker
I finish.
Abner Brown
You have no.
Kay Harker
You have failed. And so your power over.
Abner Brown
I shall regain my proper shape. There will be no more waterfalls. You have failed.
Kay Harker
So a jolly good squeak to you.
Abner Brown
Squeak.
Kay Harker
Abner Sque.
Cole Haulings
You see, Abner Brown, you have deceived yourself. The box will not be yours, nor shall my secret be yours.
Abner Brown
Oh, very well. I still have other helpers beyond any part of yours. I am not to have your elixir at scenes, and I am not to have your box. But I shall still have something. And that is my revenge on you.
Kay Harker
Behold, I turn away.
Abner Brown
You hear. Ah, I love the noise of a running water. As the poet says, beauty born of murmuring sound does pass into my face. And now to the lake to turn the other great sluice wheel. And then off with my little earnings to a place of rest and beauty. Farewell, Raymond Lully. Ah, if only that wretched mill. You of a boy, Kay Harker. We're with you to share your fate. Farewell. A long farewell.
Kay Harker
Mr. Hawlings. Mr. Hawlings.
Cole Haulings
Ah, is that you after all, Master Hakan.
Kay Harker
I was in the turn up with Edna's trousers. I've just slipped out to see if I can help you in some way.
Cole Haulings
You're very kind, Kay, but if I were you, I wouldn't keep that size. Poor boy. No bigger than my thumb.
Kay Harker
I can't help it. I've lost your box, Mr. Haulings. It was shaken out of my pocket somewhere. I'm sorry.
Cole Haulings
Oh, that's a pity indeed. Might have saved us.
Kay Harker
Isn't there some other way, Some other magic you could work?
Cole Haulings
No, I. Ah, but wait. Yes, yes, there might be. Now that you are with me. Have you such a thing as a pencil and a bit of paper?
Kay Harker
I'm afraid I haven't.
Cole Haulings
Then do you see my coat in the corner there that they took from me? If you can rummage in the pocket, you'll find paper and pencil. I dare say I'll try. Ah, that's the style. Well climbed. Well climbed, sir. Have you got them?
Kay Harker
Yes, yes, I have. But I Can. I can hardly drag them out. The pencil's like a telegraph pole.
Abner Brown
Try.
Cole Haulings
Try harder. Good boy.
Kay Harker
There. Just managed it.
Cole Haulings
Phew. Now, can you draw? Okay.
Kay Harker
I'm not very good, except sometimes at horses going from right to left.
Cole Haulings
Then let us attempt two horses coming to stamp and gnash and bite these chains of mine in two.
Kay Harker
I'll do my best, although the fence is terribly heavy. There. Will that do?
Cole Haulings
Splendid. Now stand the paper up on its edge and watch.
Kay Harker
They are coming alive. They're real.
Cole Haulings
And getting bigger and bigger every moment, you see? Steady, steady, my lads. Come, bite my chains with your strong white teeth. And while they're at it, will you draw a man in a big rowing boat cave and put a bunch of keys in his hand to set the others free along there.
Kay Harker
I'll try. Good.
Cole Haulings
Good, my splendid boy. And lo, the last dream gone. So off with.
Kay Harker
And there's the boatman, Mr. Hawlings. Although his nose isn't very good. It's like a stick. I never could do noses.
Cole Haulings
It will serve. It will serve. Now watch again.
Kay Harker
He's coming alive, too. Right through and floating on the flood.
Rat
Ahoy.
Abner Brown
Ahoy there, shipmates.
Cole Haulings
Good even to you, friend. And a merry Christmas. Will you take us aboard? Right.
Police Inspector
Gladly, shipmates. And a merry Christmas likewise.
Cole Haulings
So come then, K. In the palm of my hand.
Kay Harker
Thank you, Mr. Hawlings.
Cole Haulings
And so forward with us so. And I shall take this other pair of skulls myself to help us on our way.
Kay Harker
The flood's rising terribly.
Police Inspector
We could navigate it, young sir. I wasn't pilot to Great Jason and his Argonauts for nothing. Which course, Captain?
Cole Haulings
Along the curry there, I fancy, though I can't be quite sure.
Police Inspector
Aye, aye, sir.
Abner Brown
Away we go.
Kay Harker
Wait, wait, Mr. Hawlings. Look there. Something shining on that rock ledge.
Cole Haulings
So there is indeed.
Kay Harker
It's your box. It's your box. It's returned to you after all.
Cole Haulings
You're right, young master, as it always does, sooner or later. Pull over, friend. Starboard.
Police Inspector
Starboard it is, Captain.
Cole Haulings
And there I have it. And the first thing with it is to set you back in your proper shape, young master.
Kay Harker
Thank you, Mr. Hollings. So low.
Rat
Ah.
Kay Harker
Oh, thank you, thank you.
Cole Haulings
Now, quickly again. Now.
Abner Brown
Forward.
Kay Harker
Forward. And keep your keys handy for the cells, Mr. Boatman. I believe we shall manage it yet. Yet. So we will.
Police Inspector
Aye, aye, sir.
Kay Harker
A ship. Aar. They're there. They're there already. All waiting for us. Ahoy there, your grace. Ahoy. Ahoy. And if it isn't young K. Haren.
Abner Brown
Himself, come to Save us and my.
Kay Harker
Good old friend through the centuries.
Abner Brown
Carol Hawling the Punch and Julie man.
Kay Harker
Sweet Y F.
Police Inspector
Hey.
Kay Harker
Look. Look up above there. The motor plane. No. So there. Nabi, my love, you thought to diddle me, did you? The puncher. Foiled. Foiled at last by ever shining. Goodbye forever. Quick, Joe, drop it on him. I am frost and talk with a goodbye, Miami. Ok, They've dropped a bomb on him. No, it's only a two pound bag of flour. But it's fallen on him and it's blinding him. He's toppling. He's toppling into the weir itself. My toes. My toes.
Abner Brown
At last.
Narrator (Kay Harker)
The end. In sad indignity, after all of great Abner, my ancient enemy for all his sins. Requies Cat. And now we were on the placid lake and coming down to the shore to meet us was the lady of the Ring herself in a great sleigh drawn by lions and unicorns. In another moment we were all aboard with her and surging through the night towards the cathedral, every single one of us, down to the very smallest quabbie of all. And how shall I ever describe that magical journey of that unforgettable Christmas Eve? We soared into the very heavens. The little unicorn hooves striking sparkles out of the air. The shining snowy country spread out far below us, starred by the lights of the villages. And the river gleamed when it caught the moonlight. And as we went, we all fell silent. And now we were down from the heavens and skimming over the feathery snow itself, piled high in the narrow lanes. After the great storm, all the church bells of all the parishes were ringing. The tremblings of their music went thronging by in the swift air. We saw the great pinnacled tower of the cathedral all floodlit for this splendid thousandth night. And in the square a mighty multitude was gathered. Among them the red and white ranks of the famous Thatcher regiment, the Tatcha Toms, all ready to fire a salute of cannon as a signal for the stroke of midnight itself. And while the bishop and the choir and all the helpers went hurrying to Rome, we met all the Jones gals smiling at the very cathedral door itself. And with them was the Barney dog, running as pleased as Punch himself to greet his master. And so we all went in. The cathedral was crowded. Even the treforium and clerestories as well as every space in it were packed with faces. The vestry door curtains fell back to each side, and to the sound of music, out came the bishop's glorious procession with all the Great cathedral crosses and blessed ban. The music shook the whole vast building. It seemed to me, I remember, that it was shaking it to very pieces. All the heads came off all the bodies and moved up into the air. I myself was being shaken to pieces. My own head was coming off right through the cathedral roof. In fact, the cathedral was no longer there at all, nor any of all that glorious company. No, No. I was in an empty railway carriage on a bitterly cold day when the train had just drawn in. I was at Condicot Station with my pocket full of money, just home for the holidays. And Miss Caroline Louisa was shaking, waking me.
Kay Harker
Why, Kay, wake up. Wake up, my dear. You have been sound asleep. Welcome home and a merry Christmas. Have you had a nice dream? Oh, yes. Yes, I have. Oh, yes, I have. And a merry Christmas to you too, Miss Caroline. A merry, merry Christmas to everyone.
Abner Brown
The box of delights or when the wolves were running a fantasy by john macefield freely dramatized for radio by john keir cross. The cast was as follows. K. Harker as a man, harmon grisewood, kay harker as a boy patricia hayes, cole haulings, cyril shaps, abner brown, felix felton rat norman shelley, miss caroline louisa and jemima jones carol marsh, mariah jones, joe manning wilson, susan jones, sean davis, peter jones, eva hatton, sylvia daisy panzer, joan matheson, alf rat, stanley unwin, the foxy faced man, henry stamper, the chubby man, wilfred babbage, the lady of the ring, noel hood, the police inspector, hector ross and the bishop, preston lockwood. The play was produced by david davis.
Cole Haulings
It.
Kay Harker
Sa.
Date: January 3, 2026
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Dramatization: John Keir Cross
Original Author: John Masefield
This classic radio play adaptation brings to life John Masefield's beloved Christmas fantasy, "The Box of Delights," airing as a beautifully dramatized escapade from 1966. The story is told through the eyes of Kay Harker, a boy returning home for the holidays who finds himself swept up in magical intrigue, perilous villainy, and a struggle between light and darkness—all centered around the extraordinary Box of Delights. Set in a snow-laden England where wolves, wizards, and enchanted artifacts roam, the play delivers an atmospheric, adventure-packed tale perfect for Christmas.
[00:41–01:39]
[02:49–04:19]
[04:19–09:17]
[10:14–12:48]
[16:11–18:13]
[21:33–24:46]
[27:46–28:17]
[29:16–40:09]
[41:46–47:47]
[49:52–54:50]
[58:02–74:05]
[80:12–81:08]
[86:20]
On Magical Destiny:
"There is something that no other soul can do for me but you alone, Master Harker."
— Cole Haulings, [11:59]
On the Box’s Wonders:
"With its aid, it is possible to go into the past...and treasures there, and all the living pictures from it that I showed you and many more."
— Cole Haulings, [36:48]
On Evil's Plans:
"I will have that box before all's done, with its pleasant toys and of living pictures, with its gifts of going swift and going small. But above all, with its elixir of eternal life and its gift of travel to the past."
— Abner Brown, [47:32]
On Responsibility:
"I remember to this day the small lost sense of an immense responsibility that was suddenly in me."
— Narrator (Kay Harker), [58:26]
Resolution and Awakening:
"Have you had a nice dream? Oh, yes. Yes, I have. Oh, yes, I have. And a merry Christmas to you too, Miss Caroline. A merry, merry Christmas to everyone."
— Kay Harker, [86:20]
The production beautifully balances cozy British whimsy with genuine suspense and magical wonder. The dialogue is rich with literary allusions, nonsense, and playful wit, especially among the villains. The adaptation doesn’t talk down to children, instead layering meanings for all ages—offering action, moral dilemmas, and joyful enchantment.
This dramatization of "Box of Delights" is a masterwork of Golden Age radio, blending festive warmth with thrilling fantasy. The magical adventures of Kay Harker, the enigmatic Showman Cole Haulings, and the sinister Abner Brown unfold in a tapestry of Christmas charm, villainous plotting, supernatural invention, and the enduring hope of light over darkness.
For listeners today, it is not just a nostalgic throwback but a rich, imaginative journey—full of humor, suspense, and enchantment, wrapped like a Christmas parcel in the soundscape of classic radio.